My Name's Severus!

I know Neville seems a little OOC, but maybe it's just time for him to start believing in himself and I think getting some recognition from Draco and Severus ought to do the trick.

Chapter 16: Neville's First Prank

Draco and Severus hurried down to the potions dungeon right after breakfast on Tuesday morning with Draco's wooden box. They expected the hallways to be deserted leaving them to play their next prank in peace, but when they neared Mary Sue's office they heard whispering voices.

"Come on, Neville. Just knock on her door and tell her that you found them somewhere on the floor. She'd never believe that you of all people would steal them."

"Yes, she would. She doesn't know me yet, Harry." came Neville's very nervous reply. "And I did steal them. I can't just go and give them back. I have something to prove to myself I stole them to play a prank on her and now I have to go through with it. I just wish I knew what I could do."

"I don't know, Neville." answered Harry. "You pulling a prank? Have you ever done anything like this before?"

Neville shook his head staring at the floor.

"There's just so many things that can go wrong, Neville. Do you really want to risk detention with Mary Sue?"

Neville shuddered.

"No, but I can't just give this up. I want to do something against her and this is my big chance."

"Well, why don't you just give them to Fred and Gorge?" suggested Harry. "I bet they'll know exactly what they are and how to use them."

"Fred and Gorge? A prank from Fred and Gorge is nothing special. She's probably already been warned about all their usual schemes. I want to do something special. I want to do it myself."

"Neville, you don't even know what you want to do." Harry tried to convince him. "Give them to the experts. It was already very courageous to steal them."

"Maybe we could help." said Severus stepping into view behind them.

"We're really good at pranks, too." said Draco joining his friend.

Neville glanced nervously from one to the other. It was his fault that Severus had been turned into a boy again and Draco wasn't exactly his friend either.

"We'd let you help us with the prank too. The Weasleys never would. They work alone. It's a twin thing, you know." Severus coaxed.

Neville squirmed staring at his tightly closed right fist.

"Come on, show us what you've got." Draco urged him.

"No don't." whispered Harry. "Those two will only get you in trouble Neville. They play too risky. You know how often Severus gets caught."

"So what's a little detention or a few lost points compared to a chance to anger Mary Sue?" commented Draco.

"We don't mind getting caught. It's worth it." grinned Severus. "Come on Harry, you've already risked working with me and it was quite a success. Why shouldn't Neville?"

"Because Neville isn't me. He's afraid of being caught. My muggle relatives don't care whatever I do as long as I'm not at home. His grandma would no doubt send him a howler and Mary Sue would punish him too. Neville's too much afraid of that. He wont do it."

"Are you really scared of a little detention Neville? And what can one little howler do to you? Except for showing all the school that you're not the little coward everybody thinks you are."

"If you show us what you've got, we'll show you what we've got." offered Draco.

"What you've got?" Neville asked curiously.

"Yes, it's right in here." Draco showed Neville the closed box. "Our next prank for Mary Sue courtesy of Hermione."

"Hermione?!" gasped Harry.

"Yes Hermione. Want to see what she's gotten us?"

"I ... I've got Mary Sue's keys." Neville explained. "I don't know what they are for, but she left them on our worktable last lesson and I pocketed them. ... Now what do you have?"

"Cockroaches." grinned Severus. "About fifty cockroaches. "Enough to start a nice little colony in the dungeons."

"Are you sure Mary Sue's afraid of bugs?" Harry asked surprised. "She's our potions teacher. She has to handle all sorts of disgusting ingredients all the time."

"I've been watching her. She always wears gloves when she takes out the jars and she hasn't touched any of the insect parts once during our lessons so far." explained Severus.

"I bet bugs don't go well with pretty dresses and makeup." added Draco.

"So you're just gonna let the cockroaches out somewhere in the dungeons? Or are you taking them into the class with you?" inquired Neville.

"Well, we were going to just drop them off here in front of her door and let tem find their own way inside. If we took them into class they'd be much too likely to end as a meal for Greenie." Severus admitted regarding the little green hedgehog on his arm.

Greenie noticing the attention lifted his little green nose up to him curiously.

"Sniff?" 'Is it mealtime, yet?' They were near the room with all the delicious bugs. He could smell them.

"But since you got her keys ..." Draco left his sentence unfinished.

"I don't even know which keys they are." Neville sighed."I only know that Mary Sue forgot them on our table. They might be her house keys from Australia."

"Or they might be her car keys." grinned Harry. "Then we could just put that box in her car and when she wants to drive off ..."

"Car?" asked Draco. "Why would she have a car? She's a witch."

"She has one. I saw her drive away last weekend. It's parked near Hagrid's hut and I was just going to pay him a little visit when she left."

"I wonder what Hagrid thinks about that car." Severus mused.

"He's probably trying to find out how to feed it." snorted Draco.

"Feed it?"

"Sure, I bet he thinks its some sort of animal. Maybe we'll have to take it for a walk during care for magical creatures."

"Oh, I sure hope we don't have to do that for out NEWTs." exclaimed Neville.

"Why not? Can't be all that difficult?"

"Hagrid does not think that Professor Blackwell's car is an animal." declared Harry angrily. "We talked about it and he said that it was scaring his poor pets and that he wished she had a broom like any normal witch does."

"Well, she isn't a normal witch." decided Severus." She's a muggle with magic powers. Maybe that's the opposite of a squib?"

"Don't get all philosophical, Severus." admonished Draco. "Where do we put our roaches?"

"If only I knew what those keys are for!" sighed Neville.

"Show me." ordered Harry. "I'd recognise if there's a car key among them. They look different from other keys."

Neville finally opened his hand and presented the keys to him on his palm. Harry stared at them. They didn't look anything like car keys.

"No." he said disappointedly. "Those aren't car keys. They're probably just for the supplies cupboard in her office.

"Not all of them." stated Severus eyes glowing with excitement. "Those are the potion master's keys. That one will get us into the office, that one's for the classroom and this one this one is for her private rooms."

"You mean we can put the bugs into her bed?" Neville asked in awe.

"Hey, you're not so bad at planning pranks after all!" grinned Draco. "That's exactly what we're gonna do. Give me those keys."

"Oh no, I wont! I stole those keys and I'll be the one who uses them." declared Neville firmly.

He picked out the key Severus had identified as the office key and pushed it into the lock.

"No! Neville, we can't do that. What if we get caught in there?" protested Harry.

"Then Albus will be a little angry with you, very angry with me and give us all detention." Severus answered happily.

Neville slowly turned the key and soundlessly opened the door.

"Hey Neville, you're good at this." commented Draco surprised. "You might not be much of a wizard, but you'd sure make a great thief.

Neville grinned back at him proudly.

"Okay, lets go in."

Harry watched horrified as Draco, Neville and Severus slipped through the door into the empty office. Severus looked back over his shoulder.

"Come on Harry!" he called "Hurry up, before someone sees you."

"I'm not going in there!"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're afraid!" sneered Severus.

"Sniff!" said Greenie in his arms.

Harry clenched his fists angrily. Now even the hedgehog was sniffing at him!

"I'm not afraid!" he claimed. "It's just not right what you're doing. This is breaking in."

"Oh and blowing up potions is right?"

"That's just a prank. This is an actual crime. Those are her private rooms. We can't go in there!"

"This is a prank too. We're not going to steal anything, Harry. Don't be a coward. Come in!"

"No I wont, It's not right."

"All right, if you're such a baby then you're lookout. Go back to the comer and warn us if anyone comes."

Harry glared at Severus angrily feeling ashamed and insulted, but he really didn't want anything to do with braking into a teacher's private room and grudgingly agreed to watch the hallway.

Severus quickly followed the other two into Mary Sue's office and stood frozen with shock for a moment.

All his precious ingredients were gone and so were the shelves he had kept them on. In their place Mary Sue had hung up pictures of flowers. Flowers in vases, flowers on meadows, flowers with no background at all. The room itself was painted in lavender and the furniture was now pink.

"My office! Noooo!"

Draco gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, lets get even."

Neville was already turning the key in the next door and seconds later the three boys entered a room of mostly light blue and even more pink.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Neville. "How can she bear to live in here?

Draco cast a quick look through the room.

"Well, at least this one isn't full of pictures of flowers." he stated.

"You think kissing couples are any better?" Neville asked sarcastically.

Severus just buried his face in his hands.

"How could she do that to my home?"

Neville and Draco exchanged a look. Maybe they should have left Severus outside? They should have known what to expect in here and what devastating effects it would have on Severus.

"Whatever is that disgusting smell?" asked Neville.

"Perfume." whispered Severus without taking his hands away from his face. "Must be coming from the bathroom."

"Uh, we should have brought dung bombs." commented Draco.

"I'm sure all of this can be fixed with a little paint and a few minor spells, Severus." Neville tried to console his former teacher. "Well, except for the smell, but maybe there's a potion that can fix that."

"Nothing's that strong, but I guess it will go away in a few days once we get Mary Sue out of here." decided Severus.

"So where do we best put our little friends?" Draco asked eying a heart shaped pink pillow on Mary Sue's bed. "Do you think we could convince one of them to sit under that?"

"Just dump them all onto the bed." Severus advised. "They'll sure find some nice hiding places from there."

Greenie struggled hard to get away when they let loose all the delicious cockroaches, but Severus held him back.

"No Greenie, those aren't for you. I'll grab you some nice slugs out of the cupboard as soon as we get to class. I promise. Just leave the roaches alone."

"Sniff!" protested Greenie. 'Why can't I have roaches and slugs? Those go very well together.' But the boys just carried him back out into the hallway.

"Are you going to give back that key now?" Harry asked Neville immediately.

"No, that would be too suspicious. I'll just find it in a few weeks or so." grinned Neville.

Harry stared at his friend in surprise. All of a sudden Neville didn't seem clumsy and insecure at all. He looked proud and mischievous and ready to take on the world. What had happened to Neville in those few minutes that they'd been gone?

At least Harry's watch insisted that it had been only a few minutes. It had seemed like an eternity to him.

They were of course the first ones to arrive in the potions classroom and Severus immediately went to get the promised slugs for Greenie.

Mary Sue had repainted the classroom once again and dragged one of the worktables over to hide the second hole in the wall.

"So what's today's strategy for explosions?" Draco asked when Severus returned with Greenie's snack.

"Firecrackers. Susan gave me a whole box full in return for her last DADA homework. We'll just slip them into as many cauldrons as possible."

"Great!" exclaimed Neville. "Can I have one?"

"Sure. Here you are." Severus handed him a firecracker and then held another one out to Draco.

"DADA homework? Aren't you writing her potions essays anymore?"

"Potions essays? What potions essays? Who still does potions homework?" Severus asked pretending to be confused.

"You convinced the rest of your house not to do any potions homework either?" Harry asked surprised.

He hadn't thought that Severus held this much influence over his housemates after the way he'd seen them treat him in the beginning. He had to admit though that it had been a while since he'd last heard about a horde of Slytherins ganging up to beat up Severus.

"Most of them. Mary Sue has some fans in every class, but some Ravenclaws and most of the fourth year's Gryffindors make up for those."

"You convinced Gryffindors to take part in a Slytherin scheme?" Now Harry was really surprised.

"That was Draco, not me." Severus stated as if that explained everything.

Harry shifted his incredulous stare to Draco who shrugged.

"Well, actually it was Ginny who talked them into it. I just asked her to help out."

"Ginny? What did you do to Ginny to make her agree to that?"

"I don't know." Draco said innocently. "Showed her some pictures, shared a few chocolate frogs, sang a little song... Nothing special."

"Song?"

"Song." confirmed Draco just as the rest of class walked in.

Mary Sue showed up shortly and in a very bad mood. She'd finally given up her attempts at redying her hair and Mr. Filch had had the honour of shaving it off this morning. He had of course voiced his opinion that fate had done this to her as just punishment for mistreating a poor innocent cat which hadn't exactly improved her mood. Now she was once again facing her least favourite class.

"Good morning children. Before we start our work: I have lost my office keys and I think it happened during your last lesson. Has anyone seen them?"

Nobody answered.

"Well, if you find a set of keys somewhere please be so kind to bring them straight to me.

"Does that mean that you can't get into your office anymore, Mary Sue?" asked Lavender horrified.

"Oh no dear! I do have a set of spare keys so the situation isn't all that bad, but I would like the originals back as well." Mary Sue smiled at Lavender. "Now, who wants to hand in their homework?"

Four eager hands shot into the air. Mary Sue collected the essays of Lavender, Parvati, Pansy and Millicent and then turned to glare at the rest of the class.

"And what about the rest of you? Why didn't you do your homework?"

"Oh, I did do it, Professor." said Neville to everyone's surprise. "I just don't want to hand it in."

"All right. Everybody, hand in your homework." Mary Sue growled.

Neville's homework of course wasn't nice enough, and neither were Dean's nor Seamus'. The rest of the class didn't hand in anything at all.

"Have you ever considered writing your homework yourself, Malfoy?" Mary Sue snarled when Draco once again claimed his lack of a house elf as an excuse.

"No." Draco answered calmly.

"I just forgot." Ron shrugged when Mary Sue turned to him.

"Well, try to remember next time, because your account of bad points is steadily growing. Yes Snape, I know you don't do potions homework, but you've earned yourself an extra homework now."

"No problem. I just wont do it." stated Severus.

"If you don't I'll report you to the headmaster. I do believe Professor Dumbledore expects you to learn potions if you want to or not."

"Good old Albus. I haven't been in his office for over a week. I wonder if he misses me."

Mary Sue decided not to respond to that crazy remark and turned her attention to Harry instead.

"I'm sure I did it sometime, but I can't find it now. Maybe Severus' hedgehog ate it?"

Mary Sue stared at Greenie. Greenie sniffed at Mary Sue. He still didn't like the smell of that one. As terrible as the room in which he hadn't been allowed to eat the roaches. The little green hedgehog turned and walked over to the other end of the table for some fresh air.

"Can't you at least come up with a more plausible lie?" Mary Sue asked Harry.

"Um ... no?"

"Granger, what about yours?"

"My what?"

"Your homework. Why didn't you do it?"

"Oh that! Busy schedule, you know."

"Crabbe?"

"It's still too complicated. I can't understand anything."

"Then get some older student to help you. I don't have time to give extra lessons for morons. Goyle, what's your excuse?"

"Um ... er ... Do I have to have one? I didn't do it. That's all."

Mary Sue retreated to the blackboard to update her list.

"Well, Mr. Snape is so far the only one who has to do the additional homework, but Malfoy and Granger are really close and several others not far behind." she concluded. "You have one week to bring that homework. If you do not I will report you to the headmaster. The same will happen to anyone else who reaches ten bad points."

Severus grinned and shrugged at Draco. Hadn't Mary Sue noticed that he wasn't afraid of Dumbledore yet? Severus was really looking forward to that punishment. He wanted to see Albus' face. 'I wish I could be there when she tells him.'

"As there have been too many accidents with the sleeping potion in this class lately I've decided to brew the antidote instead today. You can find the recipe in your book on page 369. You will notice that we do not have the final ingredient listed there. I will supply you with a replacement later once you've mixed all the other ingredients properly."

Once again the beginning of the lesson went well and Mary Sue began to relax. She did not dare to start grading homework however and walked up and down the classroom to keep an eye on the pupils.

Suddenly Pansy shrieked. Mary Sue raced over expecting to see a melting cauldron once again. Instead she found that Pansy and Hermione's potion had changed colour and was emitting slightly green smoke. A small whirlwind was rising from the cauldron.

As Mary Sue came closer Hermione 'accidentally' pushed over the cauldron and sent the whirlwind in her direction. Mary Sue shrieked as it tore the shawl off her bald head. The class roared with laughter.

"Oh no!" gasped Pansy. "What happened to your hair?"

Mary Sue picked her shawl and the remains of her dignity up from the floor and sent a murderous glare in the direction of Draco and Ron.

"That green colour of yours wouldn't go out so I had to shave it off. Now please return to work. Granger and Pansy, start over! And make it fast. I'll go get that final ingredient."

Severus followed Mary Sue into her office and watched her attempt to retie her shawl. Her nervously shaking fingers made it difficult and she had to start again.

"Professor?"

Mary Sue whirled around. She hadn't noticed that he'd followed her.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"Harry sent me to get the final ingredient. We're almost done, he says."

Mary Sue took a jar off her desk and thrust it into Severus' hands.

"There give each pair two of those to add as the final ingredient." she snarled shooing him out of her office.

Severus left obediently and returned to Harry's side. Harry looked curiously at the jar.

"What's that?"

"Our final ingredient."

Harry peered into the jar. Whatever it was looked like thick round blue roots.

Severus took them out one by one cut small holes into them and quickly stuffed a firecracker into each. After one more triumphant grin at Harry he began his round through the room handing out two blue time bombs to every pair.

BOOM!

The first explosion called Mary Sue forth from her office. She raced out to see that Harry and Severus' worktable and the surrounding area were covered in dark blue spots.

Before she could do anything about it the next potion exploded. And then another ... and another and ...

Less then one minute later Mary Sue stood staring open mouthed at her blue dotted classroom and blue dotted pupils.

"Is it really supposed to do that Professor Blackwell?" asked Draco. "That doesn't quite seem safe enough to do in class."

Mary Sue turned to him her mouth still hanging open. She closed it.

BOOM went Hermione and Pansy's cauldron behind her showering her with blue potion.

"Class dismissed." was all Mary Sue could still think of to say.

The pupils of course didn't question their luck. They grabbed their bags and ran. At least this gave them a chance to change before their next lessons.

As Mr. Filch once again was nowhere to be found Mary Sue had to grab a bucket and a brush and start cleaning her classroom herself as soon as she was done with her morning lessons. She had briefly considered leaving it as it was and getting Filch to clean up later, but she feared that once the blue stains had completely dried they might not be so easily washed off.

Remembering the horror that had happened to her hair she set to work. The stains on the furniture proved easy enough to remove, but those on the walls remained. Mary Sue sighed. She'd have to repaint the whole room again.

'I just can't go on painting the classroom three times a week.' she thought when she returned to her room to lie down and rest for a moment. 'There has to be a way to teach potions without wrecking the room all the time.'

She glanced at her watch. Not much time left for lunch and she'd have to redo her makeup before she could show herself in the great hall. Mary Sue cast one last longing look in the direction of her bed ... Had she just seen something black dash over her blanket? No she had to be wrong. ... and went into the bathroom.

Checking her face in the mirror she took her rouge and ...

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mary Sue fainted.

The cockroach had just been exploring the bathroom for convenient cracks to make his home in when he'd suddenly heard sounds from outside. It was nice to move about again. That box had been way too small and crowded for his taste and he hated to give up his chance to run around. This was a nice place too. So many objects to explore! He thought he'd like his new home.

But then the sounds had come closer. Something big had moved into the room. Big things were bad news and the cockroach had sought cover under a conveniently placed object. The big thing had stopped very near this hiding place and he had been grateful to have cover.

And then that cover had suddenly moved and been lifted away from him! The cockroach looked up and ...

'AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!' he thought as he saw the giant monster.

He raced out of that room as fast as his many legs could carry him.

Draco was waiting near the Gryffindors' usual entrance to the great hall. Ginny was late for breakfast today. Well, so were her brothers and he could imagine why, but he was getting impatient.

The Slytherins cast quick glances over to where he stood then to Severus who was eating breakfast seemingly unconcerned. What was going on? Had they quarrelled? Nobody dared to approach Severus about it and Draco was at the moment out of reach. At least none of them were curious enough to go over to the Gryffindor side of the room.

Finally Ginny arrived accompanied by her brothers and Harry. Draco winced. Not the safest moment to approach her, but he wanted to do this now. She might think he'd forgotten if he didn't.

"Ginny?"

"Good morning, Draco!" Ginny called cheerfully.

Her family and friends looked at him with very sour expressions. Draco decided to ignore them. After all he hadn't come with bad intentions. Even Gryffindors would have to accept that. ... Right?

Draco pulled out the little package from his bag and quickly conjured a bunch of red roses from his wand. It looked easy the way he did it. Nobody would guess that yesterday evening and night Severus had spent hours on teaching him that spell.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday." he said holding out his gift to Ginny.

Ginny blushed deep red.

"Oh Draco! How considerate of you! I had no idea you even knew. Oh what beautiful flowers!" Ginny exclaimed.

That was so romantic. How could she thank him? Ginny simply followed her first impulse. She threw her arms around Draco and kissed him.

Draco suddenly felt Ginnys lips on his. Oh wow! For a moment he was too startled to react. Then he gently put his arms around her and kissed her back.

Jaws dropped all around the great hall. A Malfoy and a Weasley?

The Slytherin fifth years started cheering and soon the whole Slytherin table was applauding. The Gryffindors however looked murderous. Harry Potter was holding back Ron Weasley with a visible effort.

"Take your hands off my sister!" Ron yelled fighting against Harry's hold on him.

Hermione raced over to help Harry restrain him.

"Ron it seems to me that it was Ginny who kissed Malfoy not the other way round." Harry tried to explain to Ron. "She'd certainly not appreciate you beating up her boyfriend for kissing her.

"Boyfriend?! I'll kill him!" roared Ron.

But with joined forces Hermione, Harry and the twins managed to drag him away and get him to sit down.

The Slytherins cheered even louder when Draco returned to their table and sat down beside Severus to have breakfast.

Greenie looked up at him when he sat down.

"Sniff!" 'Oh there you are. Can I have my cornflakes please? I'm hungry.'

"What am I responsible for your breakfast now?" Draco asked the little green hedgehog.

"Sniff!" 'Yes, you are. Now hurry up please.'

Severus grinned at him.

"My pets just love you. You should be proud. They don't talk to everybody, you know."

"Only all those people who feed them?" Draco guessed.

"No, Corvus is actually a very reserved bird."

"But Greenie isn't."

"Isn't what? A bird? I do hope so." asked Severus fighting laughter. "Well done with Ginny by the way. That girl simply adores you now."

"Well her brothers don't. And all the school knows now. Think there'll be trouble?"

"Your father's going to find out. Think he'll approve of a Weasley?"

"They are purebloods. But then again I think he expects me to marry some rich death eater's daughter."

"Maybe you ought to write him a letter." Severus grinned. "Tell him that Pansy left you for Blaise and you're now in love with Hermione."

"Hermione? I'm not interested in Hermione at all. She's a mudblood. Father would kill me." Draco protested.

"Exactly. Just think how relieved he'll be when he hears that you changed your mind and took a Weasley instead."

"I don't know. That's pretty devious."

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"We're Slytherins. We're supposed to be devious."

Draco sighed. He didn't feel like writing home at all, but if it really could change his father's opinion of Ginny he had to try.

Albus Dumbledore was surprised to see Mary Sue waiting for him in front of his office. She had been avoiding him ever since the disastrous water leak incident in the Slytherin common room.

Albus wasn't quite sure what to think of a teacher who couldn't think of using a simple spell like reparo to repair a water leak. Then again it wasn't up to him to judge people and he hadn't chosen this particular teacher for her intelligence. He just needed somebody to teach potions until Severus was old enough to take his job back. In other words: He'd only have to put up with Mary Sue for three years.

"Mary Sue! How nice to see you." he smiled at her.

Only very few people who had known him for many years could have told that it was a false smile.

"Headmaster, I need to speak to you."

"Ah yes, do come in." Albus waved her into his office and motioned for her to sit down. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about the fifth years Slytherins and Gryffindors."

"Yes, that's a very difficult class, but I believe I warned you of that right in the beginning."

"You did warn me about them not getting along with each other, but I had no idea they were so incompetent and lazy."

"Incompetent and lazy? I suppose you're referring to Mr. Longbottom's frequent accidents?"

"Longbottom? Longbottom is impertinent and loves to mess up on purpose. I've noticed that, but I will handle him, no doubt."

Neville Longbottom impertinent? Albus remembered several teacher's reporting how much Neville had improved during the last week and was no longer so shy. Albus suspected that the boy was in love. Having a girlfriend could be quite a boost for a shy boy's ego. But impertinent?

"No, I'm having problems with pupils refusing to do their homework. They're making up the most ridiculous excuses and some don't even bother with an excuse at all. Due to their lack of interest in the subject they are way behind the other classes and no lesson passes without several accidents. Sooner or later somebody is going to get seriously hurt. It's a miracle it hasn't already happened."

"So what do you expect me to do about it?"

"Well, I have warned them I have threatened and I have given them additional homework, but nothing helps. Therefore I have decided that pupils who don't bring their additional homework within a week have to answer to you."

"Ah, and such a case has occurred?"

"Yes, Mr. Snape refuses to do any homework at all. He says potions is dull and he doesn't see what he should need it for in his later life. He hasn't the slightest idea of even the simplest basics in potions and everything he touches ends in an explosion. I have no idea how that boy could have reached the fifth year without learning anything at all. He couldn't pass the first year's exams with the knowledge he has."

Albus Dumbledore laughed.

Mary Sue stared him.

"Headmaster?"

Albus tried to speak, but he was laughing so hard that he couldn't manage a word. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

Mary Sue watched this for a while wondering if she should alert Madame Pomfrey.

"Mary Sue," Albus finally managed. "you've been had."

"What?"

"Severus Snape knows more about potions than anybody else in this castle you and me included."

"Oh, really? The kid with the green hedgehog?"

"Yes, the kid with the green hedgehog. He's a prankster, absolutely respectless and he steals, but except for transfigurations he's a top student in every class. I'm sure he could teach you some facts about potions you've never known and if he wants something to blow up, he'll make it."

Mary Sue looked very doubtful. Albus smiled.

"Very well, I will talk to him about doing potions homework, but I doubt he'll be impressed. Anybody else you want me to talk to?"

"Not at the moment, but Malfoy and Granger have only two days left to bring that homework and I doubt either of those two lazy little brats will do it.

"Granger? Hermione Granger?"

"Yes, Granger. She claims her social life doesn't allow her enough time to do homework."

At this Albus Dumbledore suffered another laughing attack. Mary Sue eyed him for a moment. Then she decided to go. Good thing she only had signed on till the end of this year. She couldn't wait to get out of this madhouse and back to her nice little girls' school in Australia with a sane headmistress and nice respectful pupils.

Right after the last lesson of the day Albus called Severus to his office.

"Um ... Am I here because of Blaise?" Severus asked as he came in.

"Blaise? Blaise Zabini?"

"Yes, Zabini. Has he anything to do with this?"

"No. Why? What did you do to him?" Albus asked intrigued.

"Nothing." Seeing the look Albus gave him he added. "Well, I think I might have broken his nose. He went to see Poppy after lunch break and I haven't seen him since."

"In that case I suggest you go over to the hospital wing after our little talk and tell him you're sorry." commented Dumbledore.

"Definitely not. I'm not sorry at all and I wont pretend to be."

"Severus ..."

"He's the one who tried to frame me with stealing Draco's homework just to make everybody hate me. I'm not sorry for anything that might happen to him." Severus grinned. "I can make people hate me on my own. I don't need anybody's help with it."

Albus sighed. The situation in Slytherin house had calmed down though. It seemed they had reestablished their system of rank now. There still were occasional fights, but it seemed they generally accepted Severus now. Draco Malfoy had proven to be a good choice of friend for Severus after all.

"Well, Blaise is not the reason I called you here today. Got any other ideas?" Dumbledore smiled.

That might get him some interesting information about Severus' activities during the last few days. Severus however had guessed it now.

"Mary Sue does not like me?"

"No, not at all."

"Good. I don't like her either."

"Severus, she's not taking away your job. She's not even qualified enough to do that."

"I've noticed that." remarked Severus dryly.

"She's a temporary replacement. As soon as you graduate you get your job back and I don't care what happens to her after that, but we do need her now. So please show her a little respect and try to talk your classmates into doing their homework."

"She doesn't show any respect either. She's biased and unfriendly and overly strict."

"I seem to remember another teacher they said all that about."

"She painted my classroom and office pink, Albus! PINK! Even the Gryffindors are shocked by the sight of it. The only potions she really understands are perfumes. You can't breathe anywhere near her."

"That's what I noticed, but she does have the right to wear as much perfume as she wants to. It's only a matter of personal taste."

"Taste? She doesn't have any taste at all. Honest! Did you see what she did to my dungeon? It's horrible. She's even started to paint the girls dorms. Susan says she painted her dorm pink with white bunnies on the walls. Bunnies Albus! The poor girls are having nightmares."

"Now come on! Who'd have nightmares of sweet little white bunnies?"

"Any real Slytherin would. We're not nice people, Albus. And we don't like nice fluffy bunnies in our rooms. Serpents or dragons or panthers okay, but not bunnies."

"I heard that some girls are very fond of Mary Sue's decorations."

"Yes, the same girls that imitate her war paint, do her homework and can do anything they like in class without getting punished. They're absolutely out of their minds. They've been brainwashed."

"Maybe they just need a mother figure?" suggested Dwnbledore. "Many Slytherins seem to be neglected children who need a guiding hand. Maybe a woman's touch is what your house has always needed."

"Almost all of them are neglected in some way or other, but Mary Sue is definitely not what they need. Give us someone like Minerva or Poppy ... maybe even Sprout for a mother figure and it might work, but Mary Sue's too much paint with too little brain. - The Hufflepuffs might like her though."

"Severus, Mary Sue was all I could get. Nobody in their right mind wants the j ob of teaching you potions. They think you'd show them up. And I couldn't go on doing it myself. Not for three years. I'm overworked as it is. So please be nice to Mary Sue."

"Sorry Albus, but I can't. I can't stand her. Please find somebody else, anybody else. I'd rather have Lucius Malfoy as a teacher than her." Severus begged.

"Lucius? Well all right, I'll ask Lucius. I cant imagine why he'd want to be a teacher though.

"Thanks!" and with this Severus slipped out of Albus Dumbledore's office unpunished.

Still to come: And will Severus find a way to turn himself back? Dumbledore has a surprise for Severus, and so do Draco and a bunch of Gryffindors, Will Lucius start teaching at Hogwarts?, Or will he try to get between Draco and Ginny?