My Name's Severus!

Chapter 13: Introducing Mary Sue

Albus Dumbledore quietly closed the door to the fourth years' dorm. Everyone was asleep in there. Good. Just three more dorms and then he could go to bed himself.

He sighed. It had been a long day. He had tried to find a new potions teacher whenever he wasn't teaching, but everyone he had approached had reacted the same. At first they were very interested. Then they realised that they would have to teach Severus Snape and decided it wasn't such a good idea after all.

He had to find a wizard who was better at potions then Snape. He sighed again. There weren't too many of those out there and they all had very good jobs. Potion masters were rare and the best could choose their jobs at will. If it hadn't been for Snape's shady past Dumbledore doubted that he'd have ever been able to hire somebody as good as that.

So if he couldn't get anybody good enough to dare work with Severus, what could he do? He'd have to find someone who didn't know what to expect, someone who'd never heard of Snape. But where in the world could one find a potions master who hadn't heard of Snape?

Albus stopped a few steps from the fifth years' door and once again carefully lit out every inch of floor. Again the door was closed, no ropes visible.

Albus stepped closer feeling relieved. It seemed Severus hadn't decided to take revenge for his shunned picture after all. Unless of course the trap was on the inside.

Dumbledore took one quick look at where the dragon picture had been. No more dragons.

Instead a huge black panther and an equally large very light coloured cougar were charging out of the door.

Albus took a surprised step backwards once again, but this time managed not to trip. He stared at the picture.

"I thought they were going to draw cats?" he mumbled angrily.

But those were cats if one looked at the matter a little more closely. Just very big, very angry cats. Dumbledore stepped closer once again and regarded the picture in the soft light of his wand.

The animals were both beautifully drawn. The panther seemed almost alive, charging out of the picture, claws extended to tear apart the challenger.

The cougar was just as perfect in his pose, readying for the jump, but somehow it seemed odd. It took Albus a while to figure out why. It was the cat's colour. The fur gleamed in a silver blond shade that was almost white. Maybe it wasn't intended to be a cougar after all? Maybe it was an albino panther? .

Albus looked deep into the cougar's gray eyes. No it couldn't be an albino. Albinos had red eyes. They couldn't have gray ones.

'No adult cat has gray eyes!' he realised with a start.

He checked the eyes of the other cat. They were as black as its fur. Black eyes? Well, if it was very dark the pupils might be open so wide the irises weren't visible anymore. But those of the cougar were.

Albus forcefully pushed the door open and strode into the dorm.

"What is that picture out there?" he demanded of Severus' empty bed. "I thought you promised to draw something nice. "

"We promised to draw cats." said Draco's voice somewhere behind him.

Albus turned to see both Severus and Draco sitting on Draco's bed eating sweets.

"You said it was okay." added Severus and plopped another everyflavour bean into his mouth.

"Panthers?" asked Dumbledore. "You think panthers are nice?"

"They aren't panthers!" protested Draco.

"They're us." explained Severus.

Dumbledore stared at them.

"They're what?"

"They're what we would look like if we were catar." said Draco patiently.

"And you think catar are nice?"

"Don't be racistic, Albus." Severus advised the headmaster. "It's xenophobic reactions like that that drove the poor people to the brink of extinction. Our picture protests that."

Albus stared some more. They had tricked him. If he demanded the picture removed now they'd accuse him of being prejudiced against catar.

"Where did you get all those sweets from?" he demanded instead.

Draco and Severus looked down at the impressive pile of chocolate between them.

"We traded them." explained Draco.

Albus looked at the pile as well. It was quite a lot of sweets.

"Traded what?"

"Homework." grinned Severus. "I'm good at that. As long as it isn't transfiguration."

Albus regarded the chocolates some more. Could he find a reason to confiscate those? They looked delicious.

Suddenly the pile moved. A tiny green nose with a very suspicious looking chocolate stain peeked out of it.

"Sniff!" said Greenie.

Albus carefully picked up the hedgehog.

"Shouldn't little hedgehogs be in bed this late at night?" he asked. "Shouldn't you two be in bed?"

"We are in bed." Severus pointed out grabbing his hedgehog out of Albus' hands.

"Well, shouldn't you be in bed and asleep?"

"Greenie never sleeps at night." said Draco. "Hedgehogs are nocturnal animals."

"But you two aren't hedgehogs." Dumbledore said sternly. "You claim to be catar and catar do sleep at night. Now Severus, put Greenie in his cage! Draco put away the sweets and both of you, go to sleep!"

"In what order exactly do you want us to do those things?"

"Severus!"

Severus pouted.

"We're not tired yet." Draco said making puppy eyes.

"Please." begged Albus. "You might not be tired, but I am. I've got classes tomorrow. I have to find two new teachers and I'm almost asleep on my feet. Please, go to sleep so I can go into my nice, warm, soft, comfortable bed."

Draco and Severus exchanged a look. Severus shrugged.

"You don't think he'd fall asleep in here, do you?" asked Draco.

"Why don't you just go and sleep?" Severus asked Albus.

"Because I have to put you two to bed first. So please, be two nice little kittens and go to bed."

"All right." agreed Severus finally. "But you have to let us keep our picture on the door."

Dumbledore readily agreed to that. He hadn't had any hope of getting them to remove it anyway.

Wednesday morning's first lesson was as always transfiguration. Severus as always sat in the last row Draco in the first beside Gregory with Vincent and Blaise right behind them.

Minerva McGonagall handed out bricks to change into teacups and then took a quick look at their essays. It seemed everyone had handed in their homework, she noticed with a satisfied smile.

She also noticed that Draco's and Severus' essays appeared to be exactly the same. Well, she had agreed to Draco helping Severus after all. Maybe he'd actually learn something from copying Draco's essays.

She put the essays aside to correct and grade later and took a quick stroll through the room.

Vincent Crabbe and Blaise Zabini hadn't started to work on their bricks yet. She quickly reminded them by knocking on their desk.

Gregory Goyle had somehow managed to turn his brick into a piece of wood. She changed it back for him quietly and put a finger to her lips when he opened his mouth to thank her, because Draco Malfoy was almost done with transforming his brick and she didn't want to disrupt his concentration.

Lavender Brown and Parvati Pattil were quarrelling about something. It seemed Lavender had smiled at Parvati's current boyfriend of the week. Minerva sternly reminded them that the bricks were not intended to be used as weapons.

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were working on one brick together both trying to change it at the same time. She decided to ignore them and let them find out that that didn't work on their own.

Hermione Granger was done with her brick and was now watching Neville Longbottom's attempt. Minerva decided not to interrupt. Neville had improved much since last year and was now usually able to complete his transfigurations with only a little coaching from Hermione. Minerva was secretly proud of them both.

Severus Snape was staring angrily at a green brick that apparently refused to change its shape. Minerva sighed softly and sat down beside him. Maybe she could do for Severus what Hermione did for Neville? Only Neville had never been as difficult a case as Severus was. Well, that was what teachers were here for after all.

"Okay Severus, try closing your eyes for a moment and concentrate." she told him.

Severus looked up at her surprised. He had been so engrossed in staring at his uncooperative brick that he hadn't even noticed her approach.

She heard angry whispers from where the other Slytherin boys were sitting and glanced over at them annoyed, but she didn't want to brake off her work with Severus right now.

"Now try to picture the teacup in your mind." she told the boy. "Can you see it clearly?"

Severus nodded.

"Good now picture the brick changing into the teacup. ..."

"Oh really? Well I don't want to sit beside an idiot like you anyway!" Somebody jelled at the other end of the room.

McGonagall looked up in surprise. What was wrong with the Slytherins?

"And who but us would sit beside you?" Gregory shouted back at Draco. "You've got nowhere else to go."

"Just watch me!" shouted Draco picked up his teacup, book and bag and strode over to Severus where he dropped everything onto the table.

"Sorry for disturbing class Professor. Is this seat taken?" he smiled at Severus.

Severus smiled back and removed his bag from the chair.

"No, but I've been looking for someone to keep me company."

The whole class stared at them not believing their eyes. Draco had just walked out on Crabbe and Goyle? That was impossible.

The most surprised of all were Vincent and Gregory themselves. They had only intended to make one last careful attempt to convince Draco to drop his friendship with Severus. They'd never expected him to drop them instead.

Somehow their attempt had turned into a major argument and now it seemed they were stuck with Blaise as their new leader.

"Hey, come on Draco! Come back!" Vincent called through the dead silent classroom. "We didn't mean it like that. We still want to be your friends."

"But I no longer want to be yours." Draco answered calmly. "I'd rather be Severus'."

"So? Who says you can't be both?" Gregory tried to convince him.

"I say." cut in Blaise. "You're either with us or against us Draco. And with us means against the little thief. Make your choice."

"Against you." said Draco as calmly as before. "Severus is a better friend than you guys ever were."

Suddenly the whole class was talking excitedly. The brake up of the Slytherin gang would be the talk of the day Minerva realised. But not in her class!

"Silence!" she ordered. "Mr. Malfoy, you are sure you want to sit here for the rest of the year?"

"Yes, I am." He certainly sounded like he was.

"All right, but you will not be allowed to switch places again."

Draco nodded calmly.

"Does anybody want to take Mr. Malfoy's former seat?" she asked the class intent on getting this settled right there and then.

"I do." announced Vincent.

Nobody seemed surprised except for Blaise who stared at his neighbour wide eyed.

"All right Mr. Crabbe. Take your stuff and move. Does anybody want Mr. Crabbe's seat?"

This time there was no answer which didn't surprise anybody either. None of the Gryffindors would voluntarily sit beside a Slytherin and the Slytherin girls were all very comfortable with their neighbours.

Pansy seemed to consider moving over to Blaise's side for a moment. Since she had broken up with Draco she had shown a slight interest in Blaise, but it couldn't be called a relationship yet and she had no intention of sacrificing her friendship with Millicent over a possible affair with Blaise.

"Nobody? Good. Does anybody wish to sit somewhere else? No? Good, in that case please return your attention to transfiguring your bricks."

The rest of the week passed without any further big incidents for the Slytherins.

Vincent and Gregory went their own way and discovered that they could indeed manage to survive without the guidance of a more intelligent leader. They remained neutral except for occasions when Severus and Draco played pranks on them. Then they retaliated with half hearted attempts to beat them up which resulted in several black eyes a split lip and nearly another broken nose.

Blaise found himself isolated among the boys and was forced to spend most of his time hanging out with the girls, which delighted Pansy, but caused everybody else to snigger and tease. He was now officially Pansy's boyfriend, but he had lost all chances of ever leading the Slytherins. And he suspected that Pansy was only going with him because Severus had told her off quite forcefully when she had tried to attach herself to him.

Draco got a letter from his father asking for news from Hogwarts to which he responded that there was nothing remarkable going on and nothing had changed during the last two weeks. He knew that his father would be furious when he learned of either his break up with Pansy or with his gang. Maybe he'd even hit him because of his friendship with Severus, but somehow Draco didn't feel all that obliged to keep his father happy anymore. Maybe he was growing up.

Severus was perfectly happy wreaking havoc together with Draco. They let a few firecrackers explode in wastepaper baskets and in the drawers of a few teacher's desks, beat up a few nosy Slytherins from the sixth year and nearly drove Professor Pince mad during ancient runes class. Draco always sat beside him in class now. Greenie seemed to be fine except for his unusual colour which he still didn't seem to mind. Only Ginny managed to elude them and then there were the OWLs looming somewhere on the horizon.

No, nothing remarkable at all.

Tuesday morning at breakfast a surprise awaited them.

There was a strange woman sitting at the teacher's table.

"Look, do you think that's our new ancient runes teacher?"

Severus eyed her critically. She was very blond with very red lips and very dark eyelids.

"She looks more like she owns a cosmetics shop." he commented dryly.

"Well, she is very beautiful." conceded Draco. "But why would you think she's a shop owner?"

Severus grinned.

"Those looks aren't natural. I bet even her hair colour is false. And that means she's either so ugly she has to use tons of makeup to hide it or she owns a cosmetics shop and has to use up the stuff she can't sell."

Draco thought that over.

"You really think she's ugly?" he asked doubtfully.

"I've got experience, Rascal. Trust me."

Draco still looked doubtful.

"Okay, lets go over and check her out up close. Then you'll see its all makeup."

"Severus, we can't just go over there and ask her who she is!"

"Who said were gonna talk to her?" Severus grinned. "Look she's talking to McGonagall. All we have to do is go up and ask McGonagall something."

"What something?" asked Draco, but Severus was already on his way to the head table.

Draco hurried after his friend. Severus still held Greenie in his arm. Had he forgotten that McGonagall disliked the hedgehog?

Severus calmly walked up to McGonagall and didn't seem to even have noticed the stranger beside her at all. Draco who was right behind him couldn't take his eyes off her, but that fit into his role as he was supposed to only be accompanying his friend.

Severus had been right. The woman was so covered in makeup there was no telling what her face really might look like without it and if one looked at her hair closely one could see the darker colour growing out at the ends.

She eyed the two boys with distinct dislike. No, Draco didn't think she was beautiful up close anymore.

"Professor McGonagall?" asked Severus and Draco wondered if he knew what he was going to ask her at all. "Can I ask you a question?"

McGonagall looked up at him in surprise. Then her eyes flitted over to the 'cosmetics woman' and the hint of a smile crossed her features.

"You're not trying to make me turn back that hedgehog again, are you?" she asked eying Greenie.

"Sniff!" said Greenie haughtily. 'As if I wanted to be turned back! I like being green.'

"No, not directly." answered Severus with an embarrassed smile that McGonagall recognised at once to be fake. "I've been practising the flower pot transfiguration and I actually managed it, but I couldn't turn the rabbit back."

'Well, of course not.' thought Minerva. 'A rabbit is an animal and you can't transfigure animals. I know that.'

"So why don't you ask one of your classmates to turn it back for you?" she asked out loud looking pointedly at Draco.

"Oh, Draco already turned them back, but they're still green, you see. I was wondering if you could explain just how I turn everything I transfigure green and maybe tell me how to undo it?"

The 'cosmetics woman' stared at Severus in surprise. She obviously was intrigued by the problem.

Severus still pretended not to notice she was there, but Greenie noticed her eyes on him and blinked at her. Was that a new friend who would feed him? No, he didn't like that odd smell she had. How many flowers had she eaten to smell like that?

"Honestly Severus, if you don't know how you do that... I have no idea." replied McGonagall calmly. "I have never encountered that kind of problem in any of my other pupils. Wrong transformations, partial transformations and non transformations, but never colour changes. I suggest you get another flowerpot and this time concentrate on not turning it green in the first place."

"But what of the first two? Mr. Filch needs them back and I don't think he wants them green."

"You could offer to turn all his flowerpots green." suggested Dumbledore with an amused twinkle in his eyes. "That would be an interesting new decoration."

"I think we're gonna have to paint Filch's flowerpots now." Severus commented as he and Draco returned to the Slytherin table. "What do you think of the stranger now?"

"You're right about her being all covered in makeup, but there's no telling if she's ugly underneath all that. At least I couldn't find any skin on her at all."

"Why would she bother with the mask if she were beautiful underneath?"

"Because she's hiding her true identity?" suggested Draco. "She might be a death eater trying to infiltrate Hogwarts.

"You think she's a friend of your Daddy?" Severus asked surprised.

"No, I don't really think she's a death eater. ... And don't call him Daddy! He doesn't like that."

"Not? Well, what do you call him, then?"

"Father."

Severus gave him an odd look.

"He insists." Draco defended himself.

Severus shook his head at that, but decided not to comment. He didn't want to hurt the relationship between Draco and his father. Well, maybe he did, but he'd get in trouble if he was too obvious about it.

"So what do you think she's doing here?"

"Selling cosmetics?" suggested Draco.

"At Hogwarts?"

"Giving the girls fashion advice?"

"Why would she?"

"Well, maybe the girls asked for it. You know, like we once had a duelling club. And none of the teachers wanted to do it so Dumbledore hired her."

"I certainly hope Albus has better taste than that. Imagine all our girls running around looking like that."

"On Pansy it might be an improvement." stated Draco grinning.

"I prefer ugly Pansy to ugly Pansy in war paint, thank you."

Everybody seemed to be discussing the 'cosmetics woman' during breakfast. A lot of pupils even turned their chairs to be better able to stare at her. Gregory and Vincent like many other boys were smitten with her beauty. Severus tried to talk them out of it and managed to duck away just in time when Vincent threw his bowl of cornflakes at him. Filch arrived just in time to clean it up and stop them from starting another food fight. The 'cosmetics woman' watched the scene with a little to much interest for Severus' peace of mind and clear distaste on her face.

Severus decided to let Gregory and Vincent think whatever they liked about the 'cosmetics woman' after the incident. Blaise thankfully wasn't with them. He usually sat beside Pansy at meals these days and for some reason Susan had taken his vacant chair. She was curious abut the 'cosmetics woman' too, but definitely didn't care much about her looks and still being shy she didn't talk much about it either.

Severus and Draco soon lost interest in the stranger and returned their attention to breakfast and feeding Greenie.

The Slytherins walked down to potions class like every Tuesday morning and took the same seats they had had last week. They'd liked the pairings and hoped that Dumbledore would allow them to stay partnered like that for the rest of term.

To their surprise it wasn't Albus Dumbledore who entered the class five minutes later. It was the 'cosmetics woman'. She glanced through the room and a look of distaste crossed her face. She was obviously planning to redecorate. Severus shot her a warning look which she didn't notice.

The Gryffindors and Slytherins all stared at her in surprise.

"Good morning. I am the new potions teacher and head of Slytherin house." she announced.

Severus and Draco exchanged a horrified look. No! That couldn't be. Dumbledore couldn't have done this.

"My name is Professor Blackwell. Nice girls may call me Mary Sue."

"What about nice boys?" asked Seamus Finnigan.

"There is no such thing as nice boys. Only people I like may call me by my first name and I only like nice people. Which means that all boys will address me as Professor Blackwell."

Again the whole class stared at her in surprise. Hermione leaned over to Harry and whispered something into his ear. Unluckily Mary Sue saw that. A girl whispering to a boy? Impossible.

"You!" she called pointing to Hermione, "What is your name?"

"I'm Hermione Granger, Professor."

"Well Hermione, what was it you just said to that boy there?"

"Nothing, Professor."

"I just saw you whisper something to that boy. Please tell the class what it was." Mary Sue looked almost as threatening as the dragons in Draco and Severus' first picture.

Hermione however stood her ground. Looking defiantly up at the new teacher she answered:

"I told him that I don't think I'm going to like you."

"I don't think I'm going to like you either." stated Mary Sue. "You are definitely not a nice girl. I would prefer you to call me Professor Blackwell."

"Gladly." said Hermione.

Mary Sue shot her another angry glance and returned to her introduction.

"I spent the last twenty years teaching chemistry at a muggle school in Australia and had no contact with the magical world. So I might not be up to date on local politics, but I assure you that I know everything there is to know about children and teaching."

"Nobody knows everything about children or teaching." Severus growled into Draco's ear.

His opinion of Mary Sue had definitely not improved since breakfast.

"I recently had to return to England after the death of my great aunt who left me as her only living relative all of her worldly possessions. I originally planned on returning to Australia as soon as I had taken care of affairs here, but then I was offered this job and now it looks as if I am going to stay for a while. "

"Don't count on it." commented Severus under his breath.

"Your headmaster has told me that Gryffindor and Slytherin don't get along and that your class is especially bad in that respect. He believes that you are to be kept strictly apart and gave me precise instructions on how to pair you. However I do not believe that that is the right way to improve the situation. Therefore I am going to pair you according to my own ideas.

Mary Sue pulled out the register and studied it for a moment.

"The first pair is: Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Finnegan. Please take that worktable over there."

Seamus and Vincent glared at each other as they hesitantly followed Mary Sue's instructions.

"Mr. Goyle and Mr. Longbottom. That table in the back."

"Umm ... I don't think that's a good idea, Professor." warned Harry Potter. "Those two are way too clumsy to work together."

"Which house are you in?" Mary Sue demanded.

"Gryffindor." replied Harry wondering what that had to do with anything.

"Twenty points off Gryffindor for doubting my decision and another ten for speaking out of turn!"

The class fell dead silent. Thirty points lost for warning her that Gregory and Neville didn't make a good team? Well, she'd have to suffer the consequences.

"Mr. Malfoy and Mr. ..." Mary Sue hesitated. The next name on her list was Harry Potter. Albus Dumbledore had warned her that Potter and Malfoy were the biggest rivals in the school. Trouble was sure to follow whenever they met. Pairing those two might go a tiny step too far. She looked down to the end of the list of Gryffindor boys. "... Weasley. That table. "

"Oh no! Not him." groaned Draco, but remembering her reaction to Harry's protest he obeyed anyway.

"Mr. Snape and Mr. Potter. Over there." announced Mary Sue unperturbed.

Whispers broke out everywhere in the class. Draco and Ron? Severus and Harry? Was Mary Sue choosing the worst possible pairs on purpose? Or didn't she know anything at all?

"Mr. Zabini and Mr. Thomas." Mary Sue continued pointing at another table.

"Lavender and Millicent." she continued in a much friendlier tone as she got to the girls.

"Pansy and Granger. I'm sorry Pansy. You can choose your partner next year."

She continued pairing the kids while the boys glared at their partners. Severus finally decided that exchanging hostile looks wasn't worth it and let out Greenie. The hedgehog sniffed around happily unaware of the tension in the room. Wasn't this the place with all the delicious bugs to eat?

Harry glanced at the little green hedgehog then back at Severus.

"You're not planning on blowing something up again, are you?" he asked hopefully.

"Actually I am."

"What? With her around?!" He pointed towards the teacher's desk where Mary Sue was just signing the register.

"I am going to be the worst pupil she's ever had." Severus grinned. "Don't you know that potions is my worst subject?"

"Potions is what'?"

"I'm gonna play stupid and blow everything up. Bet I'll have her running back to Australia and her muggles in no time."

Harry considered this. He definitely didn't like Mary Sue. She was just as bad as Snape. No, she was worse. Snape had never forced them to work with their worst enemies.

"Okay, I'll help you. I want rid of her too."

"In that case I suggest we fight as much as possible."

"What?"

"Well, it did work on Albus, didn't it."

Harry remembered the despair on Dumbledore's face after their first potions lesson with him.

"Oh, well then: Get away from that jar!" Harry shouted at Severus. "Those are my ground dragons teeth! Use your own, stupid Slytherin!"

"No I wont!" Severus screamed back. "We're using my cauldron, so it's your ingredients!"

"I'll give you my ingredients!" Harry answered just as loudly and threw the jar in Severus' direction.

To everybody else it must have seemed like he had been trying to hit Severus and had missed him, but in truth the jar landed right on target when it hit Gregory's shoulder.

Gregory wasted no time to join the fight which he believed to be for real and Ron rushed to Harry's aid. Vincent came to assist Gregory, Draco to help Severus. Seamus and Dean decided to help their outnumbered housemates ...

Then Hermione joined in and the girls entered the fight. Only Biaise and Neville stayed out of it. Neville because he was afraid, Blaise because he didn't want anything to do with something Severus had started. He was even feeling betrayed by the fact that the girls had joined in.

Mary Sue was furious. she deducted fifty points from each house and gave them an additional homework. An essay of at least seven rolls of parchment to be handed in next week.

Severus just grinned triumphantly.

Next they had to clean up the mess they had made.

Mary Sue discovered Greenie among the debris chewing away happily at some spilt ingredients.

"What is that?" she asked pointing at the hedgehog with an utterly disgusted look on her face.

"That's my hedgehog." Severus stated calmly.

"What is it doing here?"

Severus looked down at the happy little creature.

"He's helping us clean up." he stated.

Mary Sue glared some more, but didn't protest. After all the hedgehog really was cleaning the table.

When everybody was finally seated once again she demanded their homework.

"That parchment is much too yellow." she informed Vincent when he handed in his. "I won't accept something as ugly as this. As your punishment you will rewrite it."

Harry's essay was too short, Neville's too crumpled, Ron's was written with the wrong kind of ink, Gregory's had too many mistakes, Dean's writing was too messy and Draco's essay was too long, Seamus had forgotten his in his dorm. They all had to write it again. (Seamus was to hand in two.)

Then she turned to Severus.

"And where is your homework?"

"I didn't do it." Severus grinned up at her.

"Why not?" Mary Sue asked perplex.

"I never do potions homework."

Draco turned and regarded Severus closely. Severus had written his own essay right after he'd finished Draco's. Why was he pretending not to have done it now?"

"Why not?" Mary Sue repeated even more confused than Draco.

"Because I don't see why I should. Potions is the most boring subject in the whole school and I don't see whatever I should need it for in my later life."

Mary Sue of course didn't understand why the whole class burst out laughing at this statement. She assigned Severus another extra homework and told him that he still had to hand in his essay next lesson.

Severus shrugged and grinned. He could have done it easily and written in facts Mary Sue had likely never heard of, but he wasn't going to. He was going to be a mixture of all the worst pupils he'd ever taught.

Hermione watched Severus closely. She was too clever to believe that that had just been a joke. Careful not to be seen she slipped a long roll of parchment back into her bag.

Soon Mary Sue turned to her.

"Where is your homework Granger?"

"I didn't have any."

"Oh really? And why would one pupil be exempted from doing homework?"

"Because I was in the hospital wing last week so I didn't know what the homework was."

"But weren't you my partner last week?" asked Neville confused.

"No." Hermione answered calmly. "That was the week before."

"Really? I could have sworn it was last week."

"And why didn't you ask one of your classmates, if you didn't know what the homework was?" demanded Mary Sue.

"Why should I?" Hermione asked back. "I'm not really fond of doing potions homework if I can somehow avoid it."

"Huh?" commented Gregory. "You're not?"

Again the whole class burst out laughing.

"Silence!" commanded Mary Sue. "Granger you'd better ask somebody for that homework assignment, because I expect you to hand it in next week along with that additional essay I gave you and the new homework I'll announce at the end of this lesson."

"Well, she has a full ten minutes till then left." whispered Severus into Harry's ear. "I wonder if we could come up with another incident..."

At that moment Ron flung himself at Draco with an angry shout. Mary Sue raced over to separate them and spent the rest of the lesson rambling on about what disgusting things boys were. Then she assigned them an essay about some potion they had never heard of.

"Huh? How do you spell that?" Harry asked confused.

Severus wrote it down for him just to prove that he knew what it was. It wouldn't help the Gryffindors much anyway. Mary Sue should have explained where to find some references first. This way nobody would find anything. Unless of course Severus helped them.

Draco rejoined him on the way out.

"Do you know that potion?" he asked sounding slightly desperate.

"Of course I do."

Draco smiled relieved.

"Good. That's an awful lot of homework she gave us."

"Yep, but I'll do it for you if you want me to."

"Thanks. Mary Sue's even worse than she looks."

"Yes, and she's our head of house too."

"Oh no! Don't remind me! We've got to get rid of her."

"I'm working on that." grinned Severus.

"Really? How?"

"By being as unbearable as I possibly can. I'll start fights, blow things up, not do my homework ..."

"So that's why you didn't hand in your essay!"

"Exactly! We've got to make her hate this job."

"Oh ... In that case you don't have to do my homework, after all. It gives us more time to practise transfiguration. I think we ought to try the hedgehog transfiguration now. Good thing we already have a hedgehog."

"NO! I'm not going to transfigure Greenie!" shouted Severus shocked.

"Severus, I can always turn him back. I can't change his colour, but he's already green so it won't matter."

"No! I wont turn Greenie into an ashtray. It's like killing him even if it is just temporary."

"Killing him? Oh come on! He'll be an ashtray, not dead."

"Have you ever seen a living ashtray? They're dead objects. Greenie would be dead!"

"All right, all right, calm down. I'll get us another hedgehog to practice on."

Severus still looked doubtful as if he didn't think turning hedgehogs into ashtrays was right even if the hedgehog wasn't your pet. Draco decided that a change of topic was in order.

"Do you think Dumbledore will let you teach potions again once we get rid of Mary Sue?"

"Not while I'm still a child. I'm too irresponsible."

"You could be responsible if you wanted to, couldn't you?" Draco asked with a sidelong glance at his friend.

"Maybe." Severus didn't sound sure at all. "But that's not the point. The point is that Albus doesn't think I can do it."

"Oh." Draco paused for a while thinking rapidly. "Are you sure there's no way to turn you back?"

"No, I'm not. They didn't let me do any research on that."

"So if you found a way to turn yourself back, they'd have to let you teach again. Right?"

"Right."

"But I don't want you turned back!"

"I know, Draco, but it's what I ought to be. I don't belong here even if I really love hanging out with you. I ought to be back in my office getting ready for my next lesson and taking care of my Slytherins. All of them, not just you."

Draco just shook his head in response. He didn't want to hear that.

Still to come: What will happen when Mary Sue actually gets around to teaching? Will Draco agree to helping Severus in his search for the antidote? Will anybody like Mary Sue? And what is Severus going to do about Ginny? Oh and Draco brings Severus another hedgehog.