The Story of Blaise Zabini

Chapter 11

Mixed Feelings

It's so irritating because, no matter how much I try, I can't forget that kiss. I think Malfoy knows that he did something wrong; a no brainer, since I was being fouler to him than ever.

When Lydia had walked - well more like floated - into the dormitory after the Yule Ball, and seen me there, she knew something was up. So I told her all about Bole trying to grope me, and how I stopped him, but I left out all traces of Malfoy. I did that because, basically, I was embarrassed to think that Malfoy actually meant it. I'm now convinced that he was just playing me like he was Pansy, only in much better style.

So Lydia has no idea Malfoy kissed me; she knows something happened between us because I'm suddenly a hell of a lot more vindictive towards him.

Now, it's a few days before the second Tournament task, and there seems to be less hostility towards Potter than before the first task. If I'm honest, I'm happy for him; he was the champion everyone - except the Gryffindors, of course - wanted to fail. And with the Slytherins, several even wanted him to, well, die.

I, however, think that's a bit extreme. Is there any need to wish something like that on a fellow student? Unless that student happens to be blond, manipulative, gorgeous, yet-still-unfortunately-an-asshole named Draco Malfoy. He deserves far more pain than I can administer to him.

As you can tell, I'm feeling less than gracious towards Malfoy and his precious Barbie doll bitch. And why not? They single-handedly made me feel like a complete idiot. And I'm sick of the both of them; they seem to be back to their old selves, back in paradise once more, while everyone else in the vicinity is about to puke.

I haven't seen Lydia for a while; she's been in heaven since the Yule Ball. Her date was wonderful and they had a great time. I'm glad somebody did. Ok, I can't be foul towards Lydia; she's just happy. And I'm glad for her because she's my friend, and I wouldn't want her to mope around like I am lately.

So, for now, I'm wandering around on my own; too pissed off to find someone I know, and too embarrassed to confront Malfoy. That is the last time I'm going to think of him and everything else; I already feel bad enough without dragging it back up and going over and over it.

Let's see; what else can I think about? Hmm, there isn't much going on around Hogwarts at the moment, if you don't count the Triwizard Tournament. Maybe I'll just prank someone for the sheer fun of it...

No I won't, because even pranking has lost its fun. Damn, what has gotten into me?

Anyway, I was wandering around the corridors - again - and thinking I had nothing to do - again - but it was no good; nothing I did seemed to erase the Yule Ball scenario. If only Pansy hadn't turned up, if only Malfoy wasn't so attached to her. But if onlys aren't getting me anywhere, except the long, lonely road of depression.

Sorry, that was way too dramatic.

Somehow, I ended up in the Owlery. Looking up at the owls sleeping in the rafters, it occurred to me that I hadn't sent a letter to my grandma yet. She'd be expecting one, she had said, when I was about to leave for Hogwarts. Maybe I should send her one; I didn't have a quill or parchment with me, though, so there was nothing for it but to go back to the common room and witness the latest antics of Malfoy and Pansy. My grandma could wait; I couldn't face that particular scene right now.

So, wandering around the school was about the only thing I could do, without being bothered. Outside was out of the question; it was snowing, and had been for the past two or three hours. The corridors would have to do for a stroll.

Footsteps sounded behind me; I assumed that it was just some random student, out with the same idea as me. You should never assume.

"Blaise?"

Oh wonderful, it was Malfoy. Just the person I wanted to see right now. Ignoring him, I kept on walking, increasing my pace a little.

"Blaise can I talk to you?" he persisted.

I stopped, turned around, and let a slow, sarcastic smile appear on my face.

"Oh look at that," I said, in a tone of mock surprise. "Your lap dog isn't in tow. What a surprise."

Malfoy waited for me to finish. "Can you just forget about Pansy for a minute?" he said when I had.

"You're the one that needs to forget about her!" I snapped, and carried on walking.

He followed, which was annoying, but I wasn't slowing down, not for him.

"Blaise please!" he begged. Something in his voice stopped me. Maybe I wanted to believe he was going to apologise. Or, you know, maybe I was deluded.

"Okay," I said, folding my arms across my chest, and glaring at him. "Talk."

He seemed unsure what to say; I probably made it harder for him, but I was too pissed off to care by then. After a few minutes of silence, I huffed pointedly and he managed to make a complete sentence..

"I'm ... sorry." Malfoy probably doesn't have to apologise often, that must be why the words seem unfamiliar to him. "I guess I never thought the whole ... thing out. The idea was to - for want of a better phrase - sweep you off your feet and we'd take it from there. But -"

"But Pansy came along at the last moment and you couldn't bear to break it off with her," I finished hotly. "Cut the sentimental crap Malfoy, I'm not interested."

Without any protests, I walked away. If he thinks he can just come along and give some half-assed apology, I thought angrily, then he was seriously wrong.

Still, when reluctantly I looked back, and saw him watching me with a kind of defeated expression on his face, I felt slightly guilty. But I marched on and gave myself a mental shake. He's the one who should be feeling guilty, not me. Don't waste your time with him, I thought firmly.

When I eventually went back to the common room, I found Lydia there, waiting for me to come back.

"Where'd you disappear to?" she asked curiously.

"I was sick of watching Malfoy and Pansy together. I felt like puking," I explained, though I felt bad about lying to my best friend.

"Oh, right. I thought you might be annoyed at me," Lydia said a moment later.

"Why?" It was my turn to be curious.

"Because I left you on your own when I went to talk to Jeff."

Jeff is her boyfriend, by the way, the one she had an absolutely fabulous time with at the Yule Ball

I shook my head. "That never even occurred to me, actually," I said. "Not that it would anyway," I added, shrugging.

Lydia looked relieved. "Well, that's good to hear, I felt really guilty earlier. Sorry," she added earnestly, and I smiled.

"Don't apologise. I'm happy for you."

That night, in bed, it was harder for me to be happy for anyone. I mean, Lydia's romance had worked out like a dream. Even Millicent Bulstrode was in a deeper relationship than me. And of course, every time I think it'll be different, Pansy comes along and ruins it. Just like the night of the Ball. It's like she's deliberately trying to sabotage any chance of happiness I might have.

There's also that minor detail that I like Malfoy more than any other boy I've been out with before. I don't know why; he's been a complete twat to me over the past year. But despite all that, I still get that shaky feeling whenever he walks into the same room, for god's sake. How can that happen when I hate his guts?