A Mid-Hogwart Night's Dream

~*~Act I, Scene II~*~

The Raging Rocks and Shivering Shocks

Remus Lupin entered the classroom, his tawny hair looking slightly disheveled and his tatty briefcase strap sliding slowly down his shoulder. He flung his bag onto his desk, pulling out a leather-bound book while taking a few gasps of breath.

"All right, is everyone he--" He stopped and looked around the room, blinking a few times before mentally cursing himself and collecting his things to move into the next room.

This time he looked around the room before getting his supplies out, just to make sure he was he was actually in his classroom.

"Ahem, right then. Sorry I'm late; staff meeting. Is everyone here?"

"Yeah, Prof, we're all here," answered Lee Jordan, perched on the edge of Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood's shared desk. He pushed some of his long dreadlocks out of his face and crossed his arms. "We've been here for the past fifteen minutes."

"I'm really sorry about that," Remus said, once again opening his book to the center page. "So, seeing as our time is running short today, let's get started. You're all here for the Defense Against the Dark Arts extra credit, I presume? The Dueling Club is down the hall, for all who are confused."

There was a small murmur of 'yes' among the gathered students and a few even nodded their heads. A Ravenclaw girl stood and walked out of the room with an irritated look on her face. Remus ignored her entirely.

"All right then, let's see... ah, yes. Now, instead of long and tedious hours of practicing protective charms and banishments, however beneficial to your education they would be, it is required that every student above Third Year must participate in the Wizarding Arts Gala in some way. I know a few of you," he paused to shoot a raised eyebrow in Lee's general direction, receiving a wave and wink for his troubles, "have not yet found your niche for the Gala. So, I decided that we could bring a little color and theatrical creativity to the student body--"

"Excuse me, Professor," Seamus Finnigan interrupted, raising his hand only after he had spoke, "Are you saying that you want us to perform a play? In front of the entire school?"

"That is exactly what I am saying, Mr. Finnigan. However, not the entire school, no... Unfortunately, Mr. Filch will be away from the castle during the time of its performance." Remus gave a small hint of a smirk, flipping open to the center page once again and clearing his throat. "Now, I'm not sure if any of you have acting abilities or not, but I can assure you that I'll be helping you as much as I possibly can. I would offer a potion or two to try if you really have no skill what-so-ever, but that would be cheating--"

"Prof, tell us what the play's about!" Lee nearly shouted as he jumped off the desk and grinned like he had just been told that he could start announcing the Quidditch games without censoring himself. "Then tell us what parts we have so we can get started!"

"For the record, I hate being interrupted, and this is the second time today. I'm getting there, Mr. Jordan, have patience." Remus walked down between the rows of desks, looking over at all five students that were seated around. "Yes, okay... let's see..." He went back up to his desk and surveyed the book for a moment before scribbling down a few notes. Luna poked Neville in the eye, and Neville poked her in the arm. They continued at this for a few moments while Seamus whispered to Dean Thomas about how he had terrible stage fright, and that he'd rather wear a girls' uniform all day compared to acting. Dean begged to differ.

Finally, unable to bear the pause, Lee had to speak. "Prof! C'mon, we're all dying here waiting to hear what this whole shebang is about!"

Remus looked up from his playbook, his eyes on Lee and his expression looking as if he had completely forgotten that anyone else was in the room. "What? Oh, yes, the play. Take a seat, Mr. Jordan."

Standing up as Lee sat, Remus held up his book and walked to the front of his desk. "This play, written by myself, is The Most Lamentable Comedy and Cruel Death of Patrick and Tara." Remus grinned at the students, his face resembling what he may have looked like if he found out there was a cure for lycanthropy, otherwise known as overwhelming enthusiasm.

"Professor... that makes no sense at all," Dean pointed out, his lips parted and his head slightly tilted to the side. "I mean, how can you have a play that's a comedy, but about a cruel death? And the death of two people, none the less."

"Don't worry, Dean, it'll all fit perfectly later; you'll see," Remus said, thumping his book and rocking back on his heels.

Lee stood again and clapped, getting an odd look from Neville and a slightly amused glance from Luna. "Sounds good enough for me. Now Prof, can you read the cast and get on with it?"

"I'm getting there, Lee. We really must work on your patience," Remus said, flipping to the next page. "All right, answer when I call your name. Lee Jordan?"

Lee quickly closed the distance between himself and Remus, coming to stand at attention in front of the teacher's face. His right hand raised in a salute as he said in his best mock-military voice, "Ready. Tell me what part I get and move on, sir!"

Remus, looking quite disturbed at being so close to Lee, took a step back while reaching behind himself to pick up a small packet of parchment tied together with string. He handed this to Lee and motioned for him to return to his seat. Lee, however, had other ideas and stood where he was, looking down at the packet with confusion.

"You, Lee, are going to play Patrick."

"Uhm, is Patrick a lover or a tyrant? Because, you know, I could play a pretty darn good tyrant."

"You can? I'll keep that in mind for a future production. But no, Patrick is a lover, and he dies very nobly in the name of love."

Lee let a look of anger pass across his face, followed by disappointment before turning and walking back to his seat. As he sat, he called out, "Nothing like ruining the ending for us, Prof!"

Remus rolled his eyes and looked down at his book once again. "Neville Longbottom?

"Here, Professor," Neville said, waving his hand in the air and receiving another poke from Luna, this time in the ear.

Remus tossed a script at Neville and smiled. "You're going to be Tara, all right?"

Neville picked up the script with a look of mild excitement on his face, flipping through it's pages. "Who's Tara? A knight? A Saint?"

Remus, looking at the wall and let his gaze pass directly over Neville's head, trying not to chuckle. "No, sorry; Tara is the lady that Patrick loves."

Seamus and Dean, who had remained silent during this whole process except for the few times that Dean had to cast a leg-locker curse on Seamus to keep him from leaving, suddenly burst out in torrents of laughter. Lee joined them, burying his face in his folded arms on the desk to stifle the laughter and attempting to save Neville the embarrassment. Luna simply looked at Neville, blinked, and smiled. Seamus fell out of his chair. Neville's ears turned bright pink.

"Professor," he squeaked, trying to calm his voice down, "I beg of you--no. Please. I-I've been trying to grow a bear--"

"Do you want to pass this class, Neville? Do you want to graduate from Hogwarts in two years?" Remus said, giving Neville a stern look.

"Ye-yes," Neville said, looking like he wanted to run away from everyone. Seamus and Dean had settled down, but Luna still kept smiling and Lee, though his laughter had decreased, looked as if he were on the verge of an epiphany.

"Good then, Dean--"

"But Luna's a girl!" Neville shouted standing and pointing at his friend. Luna simply looked from Neville to Remus, then back to Neville and poked his side. "Why can't she be Theresa?"

"It's Tara. Mr. Longbottom that is the third time I have been interrupted today. What did I tell you about interrupting me?" Remus' voice remained calm as he said all of this, though his teeth were gritted and his hairline and neck were slowly turning red.

"But you interrupted me a few moments ago," Neville said, as though this fact were plain as day. Remus started, then stopped and narrowed his eyes.

"Look, just be Tara, okay?"

"Prof, let me play Tara too!" Lee said, jumping out of his chair and running over to Remus. "I'll do duel roles, speaking in different tones to make it more realistic."

Taking what he believed to be a heroic stance, Lee said in a deep voice, "Tara, Tara!" before jumping across the aisle to face the opposite way and placing both hands over his heart, elbows out, and putting on a high falsetto voice. "Ah, Patrick, my lover dear!"

Remus rolled his eyes during this display and stuck out a hand to push Lee over. It worked, and resulted in Lee rubbing his bottom as he walked back to his seat.

"No, Lee; you must play Patrick and Neville will be Tara. That is my final say. Dean Thomas?"

"Hi Professor," Dean said from the place where he and Seamus were seated. He now had himself under control and was sitting with his arms folded on the desk, his face in receding shades of pink from lack of oxygen during his laughter.

"Dean, you're going to be Tara's mum."

Dean tilted his head again, this time his eyes wandering over to Neville, whose head was in his hands as he stared at the desk and Luna's endless quest of poking him. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"Nice to have someone agree," Remus said, giving a pointed look at Neville, but instantly feeling bad for making the poor boy look so depressed. "Ahem... Luna Lovegood?"

Luna's prodding finger stopped as her gaze turned to Remus. She blinked. "Yes?"

"You're Patrick's father."

Luna stared at Remus as her left eye gave a small twitch. "Dean is right... this play is making no sense. Neither is the cast list."

"It will, it will," said Remus. "Seamus Finnigan, where are you?"

"I'm down here."

"Where?"

"Here!"

Remus walked around to the side of the desk where Seamus was supposed to be seated and saw him on the floor, his legs looking as if they were fused together and attempting to pull himself into his chair by hanging onto the edge of the desk with one hand. Remus pulled out his wand, uttering, "Finite Incantatem," and walked back to his desk while Seamus shook off the curse and got into his seat.

"Seamus, you get to be the Manticore. And that is the end of our cast," Remus said, snapping his book shut and handing out the last few scripts. However, he skipped over Seamus and took a seat at his desk.

"Professor Lupin?" Seamus asked, eyebrows furrowed, "Do you have the Manticore's part written out? I have trouble memorizing things, see, so..."

Remus looked up from the stack of essays he had taken out to start grading and waved Seamus' concern aside. "Don't worry, Mr. Finnigan. The Manticore's part is the easiest, because it's nothing but roaring. You'll do fine."

Seamus nodded and bent his head in to read some of Dean's script, which Dean was already halfway through. Lee, however, shot out of his seat and made his way to Remus' desk with eagerness quavering through his body.

"Let me play the Manticore, too! I will roar so that I'll strike fear into men's hearts. I will roar so Prof Dumbledore will say 'Let him roar again; let him roar again!'" Lee then proceeded to run around the room, arms flailing as he roared in everyone else's faces. Luna roared back, Seamus looked uneasy; Dean looked as if he wanted to punch Lee for interrupting his reading and Neville fell over backwards in his chair.

Remus reached for his wand, this time pointing it at Lee. "Petrificus Totalis. Silencio. If you do it too much, you'll scare people and we'll all get in trouble for it. Finite Incantatem."

Rotating his jaw a few times to wake it up before speaking, Lee said, "but I can do it so softly that I'll roar to you as if I were a Kneazle." He once again went around to each person in turn, this time purring like a cat. The only one that looked interested was Luna, who instantly started purring back.

Remus, deciding that he had had enough of Lee's outlandish behavior for the day, stood up and directed his voice at the eldest Gryffindor. "You can't play any part but Patrick! Now, you all have your parts, and I'm going to ask you to learn most of them by tomorrow night--"

"Tomorrow night!" Seamus said. "You can't expect us to learn them by tomorrow night!"

"Mr. Finnigan, you don't even have a speaking part," Remus said, massaging his temples with his fingers.

"Oh... yeah," Seamus said, leaning back in his seat. "Guess I don't."

Remus' nostrils flared and he could feel a small growl rising in his throat. "That's right, you don't." Taking a deep, calming breath and exhaling through his nose, Remus took the time to count to ten. "All right... As I was saying, learn your parts by tomorrow night and meet me at the edge of the Forbidden Forest half an hour after dinner to rehearse. We'll be able to practice without any threat of eavesdropping, and you'll all be perfectly safe with me, I assure you."

"Yes," Lee spoke up, picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. "We can meet by the woods, and there we can rehearse most obscenely--"

"Obscurely," Dean corrected, not bothering to look up from his script.

"--obscurely and with no one to see. Everyone, be prepared!" Lee took the time to stare around at each of them, even Remus, sending each a meaningful and surprisingly serious glance. Then as quickly as he had given his round of looks, they vanished and were replaced by a grin as he saluted one last time. "See ya!" And with that, he allowed the door to slam as he left.

Remus, feeling that he could finally rest, took a seat at his desk and exhaled. One by one the students left, Seamus and Dean first. As Dean continued to read his script, not even looking up to where he was going but somehow managing to navigate his way perfectly, Seamus got so involved about discussing his lack of acting talent that he ran into the doorframe before making it safely out of the room.

"Goodnight, Professor Lupin. See you tomorrow," Luna said to her teacher, waving as she and Neville both left.

"You too, Ms. Lovegood," Remus said, now starting to grade the essays that lay before him on his desk. As the pair of students reached the door, Remus could distinctly hear Neville say to Luna, "Why do I have to be Theresa? You're the girl!"

Watching them carefully, Remus waited until he heard the click of the closing door before letting his head flop forward onto the desk. 'This,' he thought, 'is going to be a very long production.'