Rating:
PG
House:
Schnoogle
Characters:
Albus Dumbledore Severus Snape
Genres:
Action
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 10/14/2004
Updated: 11/05/2004
Words: 419,861
Chapters: 24
Hits: 157,499

Harry Potter and the Veil of Mystery

semprini

Story Summary:
Suddenly with a higher profile after being proved right about Voldemort's return, Harry's use of Voldemort's name around Hogwarts gains popularity. It also attracts Voldemort's attention in the form of a series of attacks, and Harry soon finds that he is shouldering a burden even greater than the prophecy--the likelihood that Sirius's fate could come to his friends, who will stop at nothing to protect him.

Chapter 15

Chapter Summary:
Having breakfast with Harry, Hermione, and Ron before going into Hogsmeade, Neville talks to them for the first time about his parents.
Posted:
10/25/2004
Hits:
5,927


Chapter 15

Hogsmeade


Harry slept in the next morning, waking up at 10:30. Fawkes was there, on his new perch, next to Harry's bed. "Good morning, Fawkes," said Harry, and reached up and petted him for a minute. He got dressed and left the empty dormitory; as he turned to go, Fawkes flew over and landed on Harry's shoulder. "Feel like getting outside today?" he asked facetiously, knowing Fawkes could go anywhere he wanted, anytime, not needing Harry to do it.


Harry went to the Great Hall and met his friends at his their usual area of the Gryffindor table. They said hello to him and to Fawkes as he sat down. "So, when he does this, it's usually for the whole day, isn't it?" asked Ron.


"So far, yes," Harry agreed. "It's nice to have him along."


"That'll turn a few heads in the Three Broomsticks, Harry Potter and his phoenix," Ron pointed out.


Harry shrugged. "Imagine what my life would be like if I let things like that bother me," he said. "I'd never get out of bed in the morning."


"Guess I hadn't thought of it that way," Ron conceded. "I suppose most of the time it doesn't occur to me that you're, you know, Harry Potter."


"And that's probably one reason I'm comfortable with you guys, that you don't think of that. Going into Hogsmeade... I mean, it's fun, but there are a lot more reminders that I'm Harry Potter there. Sometimes I almost dread graduating from Hogwarts, because out in the real world, I'll get treated much more as Harry Potter, and less whoever I really am."


"There should be some place where you can go to get trained as a celebrity," said Hermione sympathetically. "But look at it this way, Harry... thank goodness there aren't tabloids in the wizarding world like there are in the Muggle world."


Harry cringed at the thought. "I don't even want to think about that."


"But we have tabloids, like the Quibbler," Ron pointed out.


"These are a whole different thing, Ron," explained Hermione. "One of the big things they do is report on, or should I say, gossip about, celebrities' lives, usually with a fair bit of fiction mixed in. Also, they're daily. If there was a magical version of that type, they'd never stop writing about Harry, and it wouldn't be anything he'd like."


"'Harry Potter's Ten Tips To Attract a Phoenix,'" Harry joked.


"Yes, something like that," agreed Hermione. "Or last year, you and Cho... 'Potter girlfriend seen storming out of café crying, Hogsmeade abuzz...' imagine that."


"I'm trying not to," Harry said. "I will say that if you're trying to make me feel not so hard put about being a celebrity, you've succeeded."


"Thank you, Harry. By the way, have you heard from the Aurors lately?"


"Yes, a few. I got a letter from Cassandra Banks the other day. She said that they're all trying so hard to focus on love that she's never seen a more peaceful group of Aurors. No one's managed the spell yet, though. Apparently Kingsley thought he had it last week, had it tested, and failed."


"Ouch," said Hermione, wincing.


"Yeah, I kind of winced, too. At least I had the benefit of not being able to do anything about it, but they're choosing to try it. Cassandra said that they've had such a hard time that by now they would have concluded that it was something unique to me, if not for the fact that Dumbledore can do it too. They really want to get this. I feel bad that I can't do more to help them."


"They may just need more time, Harry. You were trying to focus on love way back in August, when we started the Occlumency lessons. Also, you may have discovered it, but that doesn't make it your fault if they can't learn it."


"Yeah, I know. Dumbledore's tried to help them too. Anyway, she said they want to ask me to visit them at their training center at the beginning of Christmas vacation. Said they'd be testing and picking my brains every day if it wasn't for my job and my studies."


"You know, there's been one nice side benefit of all this. You already have a relationship with them, so when you become an Auror, you'll know them already."


"Yeah, that is nice," agreed Harry. "But, and I'm trying to overcome my modesty to tell you this, they-"


"And we appreciate that you're trying so hard not to annoy us," she interrupted.


"Yes, thank you, anyway, some of them act like I'm one of them already, since they know I want to be one. Dumbledore told them about my 100, and combining that with the new spell, Fawkes, and the Voldemort thing, they assume it's in the bag. It does embarrass me-I mean, I haven't earned anything yet-but it is nice to have them treat me like that."


"The good thing about that," said Ron, "is that the things they're impressed by have nothing to do with you being Harry Potter. You must like that, too."


Harry nodded. "Yes, exactly. I'm happy about that. So much comes my way because I'm Harry Potter that I kind of assume that some things are that way even when they're not."


"Yes," said Hermione, "kind of like, someone walks up to you on the street, and you think it's because you're Harry Potter and they might want an autograph, and then it turns out they just wanted directions."


"Yes, something like that. Of course, then I'd feel pretty stupid."


Neville walked in and sat down. "Hey, Neville," Harry said, "do you think you'd still want to be friends with me if I wasn't Harry Potter?"


Neville looked very caught off guard, as if it were a trick question. "But then you wouldn't be you, would you? You'd be someone else."


Harry and Ron exchanged a look. "Hard to argue with that," Ron said.


"I wouldn't want to try," Harry agreed. He went back to his food.


Hermione looked exasperated. "What Harry means, Neville, is what if-"


Neville broke into a smile. "If it was Harry's personality and appearance but his name wasn't Harry Potter, I know. I was just having some fun."


Harry and Ron now exchanged startled looks. Hermione gaped at Neville, who laughed shyly. Harry smiled and said, "Very good, Neville, you definitely got us. But it almost wasn't fair, because you've never done that before. Next time, we'll be on the lookout for it."


Neville chuckled. "Anyway, your question... I think so, Harry. I mean, like most people, for a while I was impressed that you were Harry Potter, but if you live in the same dormitory with someone for a while, you get used to them. I can't remember the last time I thought, wow, this is Harry Potter! Now I just associate the name to your personality, while most people just think of the Boy Who Lived."


A fleeting look of annoyance crossed Harry's face before he answered. "I guess that makes sense."


Hermione had caught the look. "You've never cared for being known as the Boy Who Lived, have you, Harry? I mean, I think you really don't like the phrase."


Harry considered. "I think I use it kind of sarcastically when I do. Like, when Malfoy tried to ambush me over the summer, I taunted him by saying that the Boy Who Lived was back in favor at the Ministry. I think I was kind of criticizing the idea that people treat me a certain way because of that. I'm not sure why I should think it's such a bad thing, now that I think about it, but I think I've never been happy about it."


"Maybe it's because your status as the Boy Who Lived makes people treat you in ways that make you uncomfortable?" Hermione suggested.


"Could be," Harry said. "It may go back to the idea of not feeling deserving of that kind of attention."


"I know," said Ron, as if he'd just had a brilliant idea. "Let's talk about Quidditch!"


"I think you're focusing too much on Quidditch, Ron," said Hermione impatiently.


"Do you not like this topic, Ron?" asked Neville curiously. "I think it's interesting."


Hermione scoffed. "Ron doesn't like anything to do with emotions, or how people think, or anything that would make him think about things like that."


Ron looked irritated. "Maybe a bit, but I just got isolated on the topic. Last year, Harry was with me on this. Now, he isn't. It's all your fault," said Ron with pretended annoyance, speaking last to Harry.


"Sorry, Ron... I just had to be able to sleep at night."


Neville looked at Harry. "So, why would you feel undeserving, Harry?"


Harry told him much the same thing he'd told Pansy. He concluded by saying, "I especially feel that way when I think about you, Neville. I mean, I got all this sympathy and affection, because my parents were killed, but look at yours. Yours suffered worse than mine; at least with mine, it was over quickly. But you don't get this kind of sympathy, this kind of attention. You deserve it at least as much as I do, maybe more."


Ron, Hermione, and Harry were all looking at Neville, wondering what he would say. His parents' fate didn't come up often as a topic of conversation. Neville looked uncomfortable for a second, then looked at Harry.


"I'm sure we weren't the only ones. Lots of other kids had to have lost their parents. In some ways, you're kind of a symbol for those of us who did. But I do get sympathy, if not nearly as much as you. Mainly from people my gran knows, but even sometimes from people she barely knows that we run across in public, people who knew my parents. They say nice things about my parents, say how sorry they were about what happened. I have a feeling that they're more uncomfortable, though, than people are with you. With you, yours are dead, that's final, simple. Mine are insane, still alive, but gone in any way that matters." Harry, Ron, and Hermione's expressions all turned pitying without their even realizing it. "So they can't talk about them as if they're dead, but they can't ask how they're doing, either. It's uncommon enough that people don't know what to say. They end up looking at me a lot like you're looking at me right now."


"I'm sorry, Neville," said Hermione, "but I don't see how we could do anything else. Of course we feel bad for you, just like we do for Harry."


"I know the one you mean, Neville," said Harry. "Believe me, I've seen it a lot too. First I get the 'Oh my God, it's Harry Potter,' then the stare at the forehead, but then I get that look too. Is that why you didn't tell anyone here for a long time?"


Neville nodded; Harry could tell he was... not exactly happy to talk about it, but that it felt good to do so, with people he could trust. "I knew what reactions I'd get, and I'd already seen enough of that. Not to mention what people like Malfoy... can you imagine what I'd have heard from him if he'd known all this time? 'Hey, Longbottom, how's the folks?'" Neville looked angry just at the thought. "I couldn't deal with that."


Harry nodded. "It would've been bad. I remember last year, you charging Malfoy because he made a crack about people in St. Mungo's."


"I'm still not happy that you stopped me," Neville said forcefully.


"Neville, Crabbe and Goyle would have pounded you."


Neville looked defiant. "There are some things worth being pounded for, Harry. I'd think that you of all people would understand that."


Harry nodded sadly. "I do. I'm sorry I stopped you, Neville."


Neville nodded his thanks. "You saw at St. Mungo's how Gran is, how she was unhappy that I hadn't told people, that I hadn't told you. The fact is, I should have trusted you by then, you three at least. It's just not something you bring up, out of the blue. But Gran doesn't understand about people like Malfoy. She doesn't realize that what won't bother her will bother an eleven-year-old. I've never been ashamed of my parents. I am proud of them, especially now that I know they might have been trying to save me. But that doesn't mean I have to go announcing it to everyone. Not everyone will understand." He looked at each one. "But I am sorry I didn't tell you earlier."


Ron spoke first. "Believe me, Neville, no one feels like you did anything wrong. I'm sure I'd have done the same if I were you. You had a bad enough situation."

Harry and Hermione nodded. "Neville, do you know how many times I've done this," Harry said as he moved his hair down to cover his scar, "to try to avoid being recognized? In fact... I never told you guys this before, but..." He told them about how at the beginning of his third year he'd lied to the Knight Bus operators, telling them he was Neville. The other three all laughed, Neville hardest of all.


"Well, it was nice of you to think of me, Harry," Neville finally said. "I probably wouldn't have found it so funny then, but it's hilarious now, I'm not sure why."


Harry smiled. "I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. Of course, at that time I was trying not to be recognized because I thought I was in trouble, but usually it was because I didn't want to be fawned over, or because I didn't want the reactions that you were trying to avoid here. So I would never blame you for that."


"Thanks," Neville said, "but you shouldn't have had to find out like you did."


"Neville," Hermione said hesitantly, "you go there every Christmas, right?" Neville nodded. "How does that feel? I mean, it seems like it might be really depressing."


Neville breathed deeply. "It has been, sometimes. But Gran has what I think is the right attitude about it. She says we go there to honor them, to let their spirits know we care about them, wherever they are. Yes, it is a reminder of what happened to them, but it probably isn't any worse than visiting a cemetery. People talk to gravestones as if the people could hear them, and maybe they can. I talk to my parents, knowing they can't hear me in one way, but probably can in another."


Harry felt emotion rising up, and noticed he wasn't the only one. Ron looked unusually somber, obviously trying to keep control. Tears were already trickling down Hermione's cheeks. Seeing this, Neville stood up. "I think I've eaten as much as I need to, got to leave some room for candy," he said with a small smile. "Let's go on into Hogsmeade." The others all got up, and they walked out of the Great Hall. As they did, Harry saw Neville and Hermione put their arms around each other for a moment, as if each realized that the other needed to be comforted.


They had a good time, as they usually did in Hogsmeade. They went to the usual places: Honeydukes, where they all got candy, and the Three Broomsticks, where Fawkes did in fact draw a lot of attention Harry's way. They stayed for a couple of hours, drinking butterbeer and talking about their classes, Harry talking about the classes he was teaching as well as taking. Hermione recalled Sirius having said that the Three Broomsticks would have made a better spot than the Hog's Head to have their meeting last year, and said that she doubted that twenty-six people having a meeting there would have been inconspicuous. Harry found it hard to disagree.


Unsurprisingly, they saw many people they knew. Harry walked over at one point to a table of Gryffindor third years, to congratulate Dennis again on his Quidditch performance. Harry also knew that his visit would make Dennis proud in front of his peers, which was another reason he did it. As he walked back to his table, he found himself saying hello or stopping at almost every other table. He realized that now that he was a teacher, and had taught for two months, he now knew most everyone in the school; it was only the seventh years that he had never taught nor been in class with. It was a strange feeling, but a good one; it made him feel more connected to the whole school.


As they walked out it was mid-afternoon, and the weather, so nice yesterday, was getting cooler and cloudy. Ron suggested a stop at Zonko's, but the others weren't interested; neither Hermione nor Neville had ever been practical jokers, and Zonko's didn't have as much appeal to Harry as it used to. Harry wondered whether it was because he was older, or because he was a teacher. Ron shrugged and they continued walking.


They went into the Owl Order Office, and Harry and Ron placed their Christmas orders. Neville and Hermione, having already done so the previous day, looked at catalogs and chatted. After they were done, they went back out to the road, and continued walking until the end. Harry, Hermione, and Ron recalled the time they'd met Sirius there and followed him up the hill to have a private chat, and told Neville about it. They ended up standing around, talking about Sirius and the events of their third year, for almost a half hour. Neville, never having heard the stories before, was fascinated.


"So, you saved your own life?" Neville asked Harry as the started back down the road.


"In a way, yes; the later me saved the earlier me," said Harry.


"But shouldn't the earlier you have died, and then because of that, there would be no later you?" Neville asked. It was a good question, Harry thought. He had wondered that very thing before.


"You'd think so, Neville," Harry agreed. "I don't know how it works, to be honest."


"You think it's going to rain, Harry?" asked Ron. "It's starting to get pretty dark for this early in the afternoon."


"Yeah, I think so too," Harry agreed. "Well, we're just about done here anyway. I was just thinking about getting some butterbeer to take back for the first and second years, who can't come here."


"Oh, that's a very nice thought, Harry," said Hermione. "I'm sure they'll-"


She was interrupted by Fawkes, who suddenly lifted off Harry's shoulder and flew ahead, emitting a loud burst of song. It was almost startling in its surprise and intensity.


"What in the world-" Harry started, then stopped as he heard screaming. Some people screaming in terror, some in pain, most of it coming from the general direction of the Three Broomsticks. It's happened, he thought. Hogsmeade is under attack. "Come on!" he yelled. "We have to get to the nearest building, get some cover! We can't be out in the open like this!"


They started running; Harry couldn't recall ever running faster. As he ran, he saw bolts of what looked like lightning lance along the street, hitting one person, then another. People were yelling and running, and some were on the ground. Harry and the others had almost reached the nearest building when a man jumped out in front of Harry, barely fifteen feet away. Harry instantly Stunned him silently, as the others did with their voices, but the man managed to get off the words "Avada Kedavra!" before he was blasted back. The green bolt flew at Harry, who knew immediately that he was as good as dead. But just before the curse could reach him, Fawkes dove in front of him and, as he had for Dumbledore in the Department of Mysteries, swallowed the curse and burst into flames.


It took Harry a second to adjust to the fact that he was not dead, so sure had he been that it would happen. He reflexively looked around to check for further immediate danger, then bent down to check Fawkes, who looked much like a newly hatched chick. Harry quickly but gently picked him up and moved him to the building's outer wall, so he would be safer; it would be too risky to carry him, what with the lightning.


Harry turned around and saw the other three; Neville spoke, then the other two, looking utterly grim, nodded. Harry walked up to them. "We've got to get to the people doing the lightning. Let's go ahead, one building at a time. Neville, Ron, keep checking behind you to make sure no one sneaks up on us. Go!" They ran up to the next building, lining up against its wall, again taking cover.


Now that they were closer, they saw two people emitting the lightning, which Harry now saw looked more like lightning infused with fire. That could do a lot of damage, he quickly thought. He and Hermione leaped out and Stunned them both, sending them sprawling. "Dammit, where's that security?" he said aloud, in frustration. Hermione shushed him, pointing out two more people who had come from the sides of the nearest buildings and were walking calmly down the street.


"Hermione! Let's get them!" he whispered urgently, as Neville and Ron continued to check their backs.


"Are they the enemy?" she asked, worried. "They could be security!"


Harry shook his head. "If they were security, they'd be running, not walking. C'mon!" They ran over and took down these two just as lightning started pouring from their wands. They turned to see Ron and Neville silently Stun another, who had come up from behind them.


Harry shouted for them to advance to the next building; he could think of nothing to do but try to clean them out, one building at a time. They ran forward, and reaching it, found Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley already taking cover against the wall.


"Harry!" Justin whispered as they arrived. "What the hell is going on?"


A dozen voices screamed, this time, all in terror. "Look!" said Hermione.


They all looked up into the sky, and saw the Dark Mark, the symbol of an attack by Voldemort or those under his command. "There's your answer, Justin," Harry said quickly. "Voldemort. This is because of me." Saying it made him feel sick inside, but he made himself postpone any other concern but stopping Voldemort's minions.


He saw Hermione nod. "They already tried Avada Kedavra on Harry once," she told Ernie and Justin. "Fawkes dove and took it for him, but he can't do it again." Harry saw a look of dread cross Justin's face.


"Look, there's five over there, two buildings down!" Harry gestured to where lightning was being released, although there were few people remaining in the streets. "I assume everyone's ready with their shield." Five heads nodded. "Let's go get them, Ron and Neville, watch our sides." Harry in the lead, they ran out into the street.


The five Harry had indicated were fortunately not assiduous in watching their backs, and Harry's group took them down with little difficulty. Just as they did, two others who had better cover behind trees pointed their wands at the group, and lightning burst forth, directly at them.


"Protego!" shouted five voices; Harry again did his silently. The fire-imbued lightning bounced between the six harmlessly. Ron and Neville took out one of the latest two, while Ernie and Justin took the other. Harry looked down the street toward Hogwarts and saw Albus Dumbledore a hundred yards away, running in their direction, casting spells as he went. Thank God, it's almost over.


Sudden dread took him over as he heard the words "Avada Kedavra!" again, from behind him. Knowing that it was useless, he reflexively turned toward the sound of the voice, and saw the green bolt headed for him again, as if in slow motion. He knew he had no time to dodge. It had covered half the distance from the attacker to him when Harry suddenly heard a voice shout "Stupefy!" and a group of voices shout "Diffusia!" He filled with horror as he realized what was being done. He started to turn, to try to stop them, but it was too late. The last thing he saw was the bolt split into separate lines just a few inches in front of him.


Harry could not recall feeling so tired. He was not capable of any thought other than that he needed more sleep. He could not even manage to open his eyes, or move at all. He was starting to wonder what had happened when he drifted off to sleep again.


Harry was aware of himself again, but barely, and still disoriented. He fought to awaken, but felt as though he were at the bottom of a pool, having to swim upward. It seemed as though something was blocking his return to consciousness. He drifted; for how long he did not know.


Finally, he felt himself coming to the surface, and was able to open his eyes, though not much. He recognized the infirmary, and that he was on one of its beds. He could not see the other beds, or anything but a figure near his bed with blond hair, looking across the room. He couldn't see her face, but he couldn't imagine who else it could be. "Pansy?" he tried to say, but his voice cracked, and it barely came out.


She whirled to face him. "Harry!" she shrieked, and bent down over him. He saw delight and vast relief in her eyes. "Oh, thank goodness, oh, Harry..." She held his face in her hands. "It's okay, Harry, you're going to be okay."


"What happened?" he managed to ask, still disoriented.


She looked suddenly concerned. "Hogsmeade, Harry..." It struck Harry like a metal ball in the stomach; it all came back to him.


"The others?" he asked, eyes wide and fearful, dreading what he might hear.


She looked dismayed. "They're still unconscious. They're not dead, don't worry. The fact that you came back means they still might. You got the least of it, you remember how the Diffusion Shield works."


"How long...?"


"A little over two days. It's just past midnight Tuesday, so early Wednesday morning. That reminds me." She took out her Galleon, pushed its edge at twelve o'clock, and pressed the center. "I took your Galleon and gave it to Ginny. She wanted me to call her as soon as you came around. We've been worried sick."


"How have you... are you out in the open?"


"No, Dumbledore and McGonagall have arranged it so I can stay overnight without being seen. Ginny's been here most of the days."


Harry tried to sit up, with marginal success. Pansy helped him to a sitting position, holding him in her arms. "But they're going to be okay?" he asked.


"They don't know, Harry. They think so, but they just don't know. This kind of thing has barely ever happened before, apparently. No one knows if four people have ever tried to Diffuse a Killing Curse before, so they just can't say. But like I said, your coming back makes it more likely that they will."


"Four?" Harry asked, surprised. "Hermione, Ron, Neville..." He trailed off.


"Justin," she said.


Justin? He was amazed. He wouldn't have thought it. Then suddenly he remembered the lightning, and asked another question to which he dreaded the answer. "Any dead?"


She grimaced, looking at him with profound sorrow. "Four," she said. She gave their names; he knew them all from his classes, but only from there. Two Ravenclaw third years, a Gryffindor third year, and a Hufflepuff fourth year. "All were in the Three Broomsticks. It was crowded, it was sudden."


Harry felt his world come crashing down around him. He knew that his life would never be the same again. Four people dead, because of you. Four people dead. His mind nearly shut down, nearly refused to accept it.


He managed to sit all the way up. "Four?" he could only repeat. She nodded, a tear rolling down her face. He felt staggered, not knowing what to do. Then the tears started coming, and he made no effort to stop them. He wailed and buried his head in her shoulder, crying harder than he ever had before. He couldn't have stopped it if he'd wanted to. He felt adrift in a sea of hopelessness, clinging to Pansy for dear life. There was nothing to do but cry, and he wondered if he could cry enough to get what was in him out.


He was barely aware of the passing of time. In a corner of his consciousness, he noticed that Ginny had come in, but he couldn't talk to her, couldn't do anything but continue to cry. Pansy held him tightly as she ran her hands over his head, across his back, desperate to somehow alleviate his suffering.


He finally stopped crying, as much from exhaustion and physical necessity as anything else. Pansy looked into his eyes, and he knew that she was wishing she could suffer this for him so he wouldn't have to. She kissed him on the forehead and got up so Ginny could sit down next to Harry. Ginny sat and held Harry tightly. "Oh, Harry, we're so happy you're okay."


"I wish I was," Harry said bitterly. "They should have left me alone. If anyone was going to die, it should have been me, not four innocent third and fourth years."


Ginny was trying to hold back her frustration with what he was saying, for his sake. "I've cried for them too. I think we all have. But we don't get to choose that kind of thing. All we can do is the best we can, and that's what you've always done. There's nothing that you've done that you should have done differently. You said we should use his name, and you were right. We can't fight Voldemort if we can't say his name. And if we don't fight him, we're dead, or worse. You did what you had to do."


Harry wanted to, but he couldn't deny the truth of what she was saying. "They didn't ask to take this kind of chance."


"No, they didn't," she agreed. "But innocents are killed in any war, it's a fact of life. Voldemort kills far more innocents than most. You can't blame yourself for leading a fight where innocents are killed, or you can't lead any fights at all. You fight, you lead the fight because the cause is right, because it's necessary. Do you want to sit here and tell me we shouldn't be fighting Voldemort?" She stared at him.


He knew it was true, but somehow it was still of no comfort. He said nothing.


"I've been talking to people, Harry. No one blames you, at least no one I've talked to. All they want is for you and the others to get better, everyone's really concerned for you and them. People don't blame you. You shouldn't."


Harry still said nothing. "And don't even think about wishing you were dead," she said, finally letting some of her annoyance show. "Look at them. They were willing to give their lives for yours. I know that's not what you would have wanted, but it says something about you, not to mention about them. They thought it was more important that you lived. Do you want to tell them that what they did was for nothing, that they may have given their lives for something that wasn't important? Do you want to tell that to me, to Pansy? Because we would have joined the Diffusion if we could've. I know this isn't what you want to hear. I know you don't think much of your life right now. But we do. Look at what they did. Think about what it means they think of you."


"They planned it..." Harry almost didn't realize he was speaking out loud. He looked at Ginny. "After the first one, I was getting Fawkes to a safe place. I looked back and saw the three of them talking. They must have decided to do this if someone else sent a Killing Curse at me. They knew that Fawkes couldn't protect me again... oh, my God, that's why they told Justin and Ernie. Hermione told them about the first Curse, that Fawkes couldn't help anymore. She was letting them know what they were going to do, to let them join if they wanted, and Justin did."


She nodded. "By the way, Ernie's been in here a lot. He's really been in a state, crying a couple of times, he feels horrible."


"Because he's concerned about Justin?" Harry asked numbly.


She shook her head. "He's concerned, but that's not why he's crying. He's crying because he's angry at himself for not having joined the Diffusion. He Stunned the one who attacked you. He definitely saved your life by doing it. If he had joined the Diffusion, no one would have Stunned the attacker, and he would have just hit you with another Curse while you were on the ground unprotected. Ernie knows that, but he still feels terrible. Because he thinks it was only because of cowardice that he didn't join, and it makes him feel bad about the kind of person he is. He thinks that the fact that what he did helped save you too was just chance.


"Do you know how many people I've talked to who say that they would have joined the Diffusion if they could have? Quite a few, even first years. You aren't going to do anyone any good telling them that their sacrifice would have been for nothing. We need you, Harry, and we need you to do something harder than die. We need you to live, even though others die. If you don't believe that it's important that you live, you can believe the people who are willing to die for you. It's the least you can do for them."


All true, Harry thought. It was still of little comfort. She could see that in his eyes.


"I'm sorry, Harry," she continued. "I guess I can't imagine what you're going through. Dumbledore told us that you would feel this way, both feeling responsible for those who died, and wishing that you had died instead. He said it's called survivor's guilt. He's already talked with Ernie, I think it helped a bit. You just have to remember, none of this was your fault. It's Voldemort's fault, it's the fault of those who did it."


Pansy sat down on the chair and took Harry's hand. "You've made sure everyone's aware, Harry, that... Voldemort has to be fought." Even through his grief, it registered with him that this was the first time she had used the name, and that she was doing so to show she meant what she said. Noting his slightly raised eyebrows, she continued, "It's the least I can do. But it's true, Harry. There was nothing else to do but what you did."


Ginny nodded. "And if you blame yourself, then you have to blame Dumbledore. He already said that he's responsible, not you. It's his school, he says, and that makes him responsible for everything that happens. He encouraged you to do what you did, he knew the risks. Do you want to say that this is his fault? Because he's right, if it's your fault, then it's his too."


Harry had no answer for that, either. "It's not his fault," he said.


"That's right," Ginny agreed. "And that means it's not yours, either."


At once, Harry both knew she was right and couldn't accept it. The enormity of the four deaths washed over him again, and again he started to cry. Ginny took him into her arms and held him. He cried for another five minutes, then stayed limp in Ginny's embrace, exhausted.


Ginny looked at Pansy, who nodded, and got up to get something. Ginny gently laid Harry back down onto the bed. Pansy handed Harry a small glass of clear liquid, and pushed gently on his back from below to prop him up enough so he could drink it. He wasn't sure he wanted to, but they both looked very serious about it, so he acquiesced. He drank the liquid and lay back. He was mercifully asleep again within moments.


Harry awoke, and by the quality of the light, he could tell that it was morning. He felt weak still, but much better than he had last night. He looked up to see Professor Dumbledore sitting at his bedside. "How are you feeling, Harry?"


Harry looked into Dumbledore's concerned eyes, eyes which conveyed the impression that Dumbledore already knew the answer to this question, and to most questions he asked Harry. "Physically, not that bad. I could probably even get up, but I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would have a fit. Mentally... well, you probably know already."


"Ginny and Pansy have told me about your conversation last night. It sounds as though they covered the high points of what you needed to be reminded of," Dumbledore answered. "But having experienced it myself, I know that being reminded once, or even many times, does not make the feelings go away. I wish I could make your feelings go away, but as you know, I cannot. All I can do is remind you of what you know already."


Harry accepted this mutely. He had begun to somewhat accept that he should not obsessively blame himself for the deaths, but he knew that he could never separate himself from them, either.


"You are so young, Harry," Dumbledore said gravely. "Almost too young to bear this kind of burden. I would have seriously considered not allowing you to bear it at all were it not for the fact that you have borne all other burdens placed upon you so well, and that what you are doing is right. You must never forget that. Also, keep in mind that you are only doing it because I allowed you to, even encouraged you to. Do you not think that I knew what you would do when I made you Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher? I knew you would use Voldemort's name, and I knew that you would encourage the students to do so. I knew you would have far better success than I had had, and that it very well might provoke Voldemort to this kind of action. Your only... culpability in this is that you did what was right. I am ultimately responsible."


"You always say that," Harry said, almost annoyed.


"That is because while I am the headmaster of this school, it is always true," Dumbledore replied. "I cannot escape that. I do not mean to say that I have done anything wrong in allowing you to do as you have done, just that it was my decision.


"I would like to bring you up to speed on a few matters," he continued. "It may be useful for you to know what has happened while you have not been among us."


Harry nodded and sat up. "By the way, why weren't we taken to St. Mungo's?"


"Most of the wounded were, for treatment for burns. Do not worry, all will recover with no adverse long-term effects. But St. Mungo's was crowded enough as it was, and we understood that there was nothing they could do for you or your friends. You would either wake up, or not. It was deemed best to leave you here. Madam Pomfrey has been spending most of her time at St. Mungo's."


"And I suppose we still don't know any more about them?" he asked, referring to his friends.


Dumbledore shook his head. "As was the case with you, we will only know when they wake up. While it is not certain that they will, it seems highly likely. I believe that if they were going to die, they would have done so immediately. All we can do is wait.


"Most of the damage was done immediately, in the Three Broomsticks. The nature of the spell used is to inflict the greatest possible damage over a specific, usually crowded, area. Some people in the establishment were fortunate not to be hit by the initial burst, and some reacted very quickly and escaped damage. The attackers were subdued almost immediately, but the damage was done.


"Once order was restored in Hogsmeade, emergency medical and security personnel evacuated all injured to St. Mungo's via the Owl Office fireplace or by Apparating. Five people were initially in critical condition, but have since recovered somewhat, and will continue to do so. I then returned to Hogwarts to inform the school of the details of what happened, including the status of the dead, injured, and that of you and your friends.


"Yesterday I met with the families of the deceased. They were in shock, of course, and extremely distraught. It may comfort you very little, but you should know that even in their grief, they do not blame you, or even me, for what happened. They understood that this is what Voldemort does, and that it is why he must be fought and defeated. I also visited the wounded at St. Mungo's. Even the more seriously wounded were very concerned about your situation, and many expressed the belief that you helped save their lives, as have a number of uninjured students here at the school. They credited your early and strong emphasis on the Protection Charm with their ability to either totally or partially block the damage. The fact is that considering what was done, and the age of the victims, four was an amazingly low number of fatalities. I had feared the number could be as high as a few dozen. The spell used by the attackers was chosen, as I said, because it is highly damaging.


"This morning, I spoke during breakfast and was able to inform the school of the recovery of many at St. Mungo's, and to tell them of your recovery. This news was greeted by what I would describe as a thunderous ovation. I have since been besieged with requests to see you; your Slytherin first years have been especially persistent."


For the first time since the deaths, Harry couldn't help but smile, if only a little. "I'll see them any time you want to send them in," he said.


"Of course, I will send them in later on. Also, much of the Weasley family is here; they wish to see you, as well as wait for Ron to recover. But there are other things we must discuss first."


The infirmary door opened, admitting Snape and McGonagall. McGonagall walked over to where Harry was sitting on his bed and took his hand for a moment. "You are all right, Harry?" she asked.


"Getting better," he replied.


She turned to Dumbledore. "Albus, are you sure this cannot wait until he is more fully recovered?"


Dumbledore shook his head. "He must know, Minerva, and the sooner the better. He must incorporate it into his grief, or he will grieve twice. I know it is a terrible burden, but it is unavoidable." He turned to Harry. "You said that you did not blame me for what happened in Hogsmeade, Harry. What I am about to tell you may cause you to change your mind."


Harry flinched internally. What could he possibly say to make me think that? thought Harry. He waited for Dumbledore to continue.


"The attack occurred at 3:45 p.m. on Sunday. On Sunday morning, Voldemort met with Professor Snape and told him of the planned attack, including the timing. He wished Professor Snape to find a way to keep me distracted when the attack started, so I could not come to your aid immediately when the attack began. Professor Snape was able to return to Hogwarts at just before 1:30 p.m., and he immediately informed me of Voldemort's plans. I told no one but Professor McGonagall. I took no action to prepare for or to prevent what happened."


Harry literally couldn't believe what Dumbledore was telling him. He was silent for a half a minute. Finally, he said, "You knew? You could have stopped it and you didn't?" With extreme sadness, Dumbledore nodded. Harry felt as though he could hardly breathe. "Why?" he managed to get out.


"Because, Harry, the information was too good to use. We had no choice but to assume that Professor Snape was the only way we could have gotten the information, and that Voldemort would know that. If we had done anything to prepare beyond the security precautions we had already taken, Voldemort would likely have deduced that Professor Snape was the source, and his cover would have been blown. We could not risk that."


Harry was astounded at what he was hearing; the flaw seemed so obvious. "So what?" he shouted, his grief coming out as anger. "Four people are dead! You said it could have been dozens! How could you possibly... let four people die..." The tears started coming, forcing him to stop talking, to control himself. He put his head in his hands. "I don't believe it," he muttered through tears.


Snape moved to the end of the bed and stared down at Harry, eyes flashing furiously. "And I do not believe, Potter, that you can be so selfish, so unthinking. All you know are your own emotions! You know what kind of man the headmaster is. If you would think for a few seconds, you would realize what this has cost him, what he has suffered, and you would not question his judgment until you have heard his reasons. If you love him as you profess, you would not place your feelings above his."


Harry had stopped crying, so startled was he by Snape's outburst, especially its emotional content. He would not have assumed that Snape could ever care about or consider such things. He was still trying to work through what Snape had said when Dumbledore spoke again.


"He is still young, Severus," said Dumbledore gently. "He could not have any reaction but this. I knew this. He is doing the best he can."


"Harry," said McGonagall, "the headmaster had no choice. He could make no other decision than the one he made. It was a horribly painful choice, but it was the only one."


His voice conveying that he desperately wanted to believe that was true, he asked Dumbledore, "Okay, then, please tell me. If you stopped the attack, Professor Snape gets blown, but he's still safe at Hogwarts. How is that worth four lives? Or dozens?"


"Whether I die is irrelevant, Potter," said Snape, still sounding angry. "What is relevant is what my death accomplishes. I am perfectly willing to die to bring about the death of the Dark Lord. Any other use would be a foolish waste of my utility."


Dumbledore nodded. "Harry, you may not fully understand Professor Snape's importance to us, to our cause. He is irreplaceable, a priceless asset, our only chance to ever have a spy who has Voldemort's confidence. His presence very greatly increases our eventual chance of victory against Voldemort.


"In this kind of situation, the larger picture must be considered, even when innocent lives are at stake. Consider what we are fighting for. Voldemort was progressing toward a likely victory fifteen years ago, until your mother's sacrifice stopped him. He could do so again now. Think of what it would mean if he were to gain unchallenged control over the wizarding world. It would be tyranny, the end of freedom. Muggles worldwide would be made slaves, tortured or given to dementors on the whims of Voldemort's servants. Thousands would certainly die, perhaps even millions, and life would be made a miserable hardship for those who did not subject themselves to his authority. You have seen him, you know what he is like. Imagine him as being in control of all wizards everywhere.


"This is what we are fighting for, Harry. These are the stakes. They are as high as such stakes can get. We must be prepared to make any sacrifice in order to defeat Voldemort, or there will soon be nothing worth fighting for. Professor Snape is our best chance to accomplish that. We simply cannot consider losing such an asset unless it means a great likelihood of Voldemort's demise.


"In a case like this, as in all such cases, a decision must be made. Do we sacrifice four lives, or dozens, now, or do we keep an asset that we hope and expect will help us save thousands, not to mention our freedom? As Professor McGonagall said, agonizing though it was, there was no other choice to be made."


Harry was silent for a moment, the enormity of it sinking in. He knew intuitively that Dumbledore was right, he had to be. He simply hadn't thought through the massive implications of a Voldemort victory. He put his head in his hands again; it all seemed too much to think about. How could a person weigh four lives against such stakes? How to tell the victims' loved ones that it was worth it, what the victims had died to unknowingly protect? But he knew Dumbledore, and he knew he had to accept that what Dumbledore was saying was true. And that meant that Snape was right, that he had judged Dumbledore guilty of a terrible act without knowing the facts, and that Harry's judgment would have hurt Dumbledore, reminding Dumbledore only more of the terribly painful decision he had made. Impulsively he stood up, walked over to a wall, and kicked it. It hurt his foot, of course, but he didn't care. He banged the wall with his fist a few times. It didn't seem to do any good.


Dumbledore walked over to him, standing a few feet away from Harry as he leaned into the wall in despair. Harry looked over his shoulder and saw Dumbledore's eyes. He saw pain, not only Dumbledore's own pain for what he had to do, but his pain for what Harry was going through. Harry also saw Dumbledore's love, his forgiveness for how Harry had acted. Equally impulsively, Harry stepped toward Dumbledore and hugged him. Dumbledore hugged him back and patted his shoulder; for some reason that caused Harry to burst out in tears again, as if he didn't feel worthy of forgiveness. Through his sobs, Harry said, "I'm sorry, sir... Professor Snape was right, I wasn't thinking about you, what you had to go through..."


He continued crying as Dumbledore continued to comfort him. "As I said, you are young, Harry. This kind of burden is too much for many mature, grown men to bear. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Harry wasn't sure that was true, but he was glad to hear Dumbledore say it.


Harry cried for another minute, until this bout was out of his system. Harry stepped back, and took a tissue proffered by McGonagall. He blew his nose, then looked up at her. She had a proud yet sad look on her face, with no trace of her usual reserve. To his surprise, she stepped toward him and put her arms around him. He did likewise. As she held him, she said, "It might make you feel better to know, Harry, that I have held Albus as he has wept for similar reasons, on many occasions."


Harry was surprised, but realized that he shouldn't have been, knowing Dumbledore's kindness and good heart as he did. "It does, a bit, actually," he said.


She looked at him kindly as she released him. "There are many men who would not weep, and it is sad for those who follow them."


He nodded his understanding. Dumbledore spoke again. "Harry, there is one more thing that is important that we do. I would like to ask you to place your recollections of Sunday afternoon into the Pensieve, so that we may go over them. Valuable information could be gained."


Harry agreed, and Dumbledore moved the Pensieve over. Harry used his wand to move his memories, then said, "This should start as we start back from the end of the main street." The four of them put their fingers into the Pensieve, and soon Harry was standing on that street, looking at himself talking to Hermione about buying butterbeer for the younger students.


Harry watched the events happen as if for the first time; he realized that the perspective was very different when one wasn't in the actual situation, even though the same events were being viewed. Harry saw Fawkes dive and swallow the first Killing Curse, and himself walk over and put Fawkes in a safer place. Dumbledore smiled at him and said, "It was not necessary, but it was a very thoughtful thing to do."


McGonagall said, "Harry, did you hear this conversation?" referring to Neville speaking to Ron and Hermione. Harry shook his head.


She motioned him over, and the scene was suddenly where it had been twenty seconds before. Standing near Neville, Harry heard him say, "Fawkes can't do that again, and that probably wasn't the only one looking for Harry. We have to be ready to Diffuse." He saw Ron and Hermione nod. The scene froze.


"Most impressive," said Dumbledore. "I had assumed that they had done it on the spur of the moment; I did not know they had planned it. It is quite an amazing thing, to plan to do something so risky."


"If I had heard, I would have told them not to do it," Harry said.


"And what do you think they would have done, Harry?" asked McGonagall.


Harry nodded. "Yes, I know, they would have done it anyway. By the way, I didn't hear them in the situation. How is it we can hear it now?"


"We hear and see many things that do not consciously register, because they are so faint," Dumbledore explained. "The Pensieve has the effect of enhancing such information."


The memory started again, and they watched it through to the end without further comment. They then left the Pensieve, and Harry put his memories back.


"I must say, Harry," said Dumbledore, "that I am impressed, not only with your friends' bravery, but your tactical instincts. You reacted quickly and decisively, taking charge and giving the proper instructions."


Harry nodded his acknowledgment. "I just wanted to get those people out of there."


"You and your group managed to take out quite a few of them," McGonagall added. "I'm sure the Aurors will be impressed when they see this."


"Speaking of the Aurors, where were they? I kept expecting security to charge in, and it didn't happen until the end. Surely they could have reacted faster than they did without compromising Professor Snape's information."


"The plan was multi-faceted, Professor," said Snape, "and I was only told that part which the Dark Lord decided that I needed to be told."


"At precisely 3:40, an attempt was made on the life of the British Prime Minister," explained Dumbledore. "It appears that a few Muggles were put under the Imperius Curse by Death Eaters to make the attempt. This caused some Aurors to be dispatched to the scene. Then at 3:43, Death Eaters launched an assault on the holding areas of those captured in June in the Department of Mysteries, freeing all those held. Aurors were again dispatched, but the Death Eaters managed to escape. An emergency call went out to all Aurors to attempt to track them down, which is why no one was able to be of help in Hogsmeade."


"So... but those weren't Death Eaters in Hogsmeade, were they?" Harry asked. "They weren't very smart, and they only used the one spell. Well, that and the ones that tried to get me."


"Yes, Harry, those were not Death Eaters, except the ones who tried to kill you. The ones who attacked were random wizards who were kidnapped from various countries from around the world, so there would not be a rash of disappearances in one area that would be more easily noticed. They were put under the Imperius Curse, taught that one spell, and sent out to cause mayhem. To Voldemort, they were what could be called disposable attackers, to be used only once. This is why they had no real tactical abilities. The ones sent to attack you, all three of whom are now in custody, are actual Death Eaters, apparently recent recruits. The Killing Curse is not easy to learn, so Voldemort sent them specifically to seek you out. You only saw two; the third was captured before he could take any action."


"Too bad they couldn't have just gotten me, and left the Three Broomsticks alone," said Harry. McGonagall gave him a reproachful look. "You wouldn't think that, if it were you?" Harry challenged McGonagall. Her expression softened, and she did not answer.


"Killing you was only one objective, Harry. The other one was terror, hence the Dark Mark as you saw. He wants to be feared. This is an attempt to regain some of what he lost when you defeated him. In any case, it is very fortunate that they did not get you, not only for your own sake. You must understand your own importance. It is difficult to say who is more important to our cause, you or Professor Snape. You are both irreplaceable."


"If you had to choose one of us, Headmaster, it should be him," said Snape.


Harry was startled. "Last year in Occlumency," he said to Snape, "you said I was neither special nor important."


"That was before the fourth dream," replied Snape. Harry realized that Snape was referring to the spell that blocked the Cruciatus Curse.


"But that's not so important, in the scheme of things," responded Harry. "It's not the kind of thing that's going to help us defeat Voldemort."


"My feeling, Professor Potter, is that that is not the last surprising thing that you will do before this is over," said Snape. Harry looked at Dumbledore in surprise.


Dumbledore nodded. "That you came up with that spell, Harry, suggested to us that the prophecy meant more than was apparent at first. Our belief is that there is something as yet unknown about you that will be instrumental in bringing about Voldemort's defeat. We cannot, of course, guess what it might be. We must wait for events to play out. But that is why you are so important."


"I'm curious, sir... considering that... did Professor Snape have specific information that I would be a target?"


"No, Harry, he did not. But I understood that you probably would be one anyway."


"In that case... did you give any consideration to suggesting that I not go to Hogsmeade? Not even because of how you feel about me, but because I was so important that I couldn't be risked?"


Dumbledore nodded. "It is a good question, Harry. In fact, I gave it serious consideration. Of course, you were already in Hogsmeade when I got the information, but I could have attempted to call you back. I did not do so for two reasons. One, it might have given Professor Snape away; it is highly irregular for someone to be called back from Hogsmeade in such a fashion, and attention would have been called to it. Two, what would I have told you? That Hogsmeade would be under attack, and that you should stay safely in the castle? As much as I do not wish to risk your life, I wish to put you in that position even less. Can you imagine the agony you would have experienced, to have to wait for the attack, knowing it was coming, unable, at my instruction, to come to the assistance of those under attack? I would not do that to you. I consoled myself with the knowledge that your skills are excellent, and not only would you likely survive, you would likely save others in the process. And you did survive, because of the loyalty you inspire. Justin is not even someone you are especially close to, and look what he did.


"It was painful not to call you back. I very much wanted to. But I could not allow my personal feelings to override my judgment. And my judgment was that while you were at risk, Professor Snape was at greater risk if I protected you."


"I understand, sir. I'm not bothered, believe me. I really was just curious."


"Professor Potter," said Snape, "if you would indulge me for a moment, I would like to test your grasp of the 'big picture.' If you were analyzing the current struggle, how would you rate Sunday's events? Which side comes out better, and why?"


Harry's first thought was that he didn't want to think about the big picture, that it was somehow a disservice to the memory of those who had died to weigh their deaths against other considerations. He knew that wasn't right, but he felt it anyway, and struggled to put such thoughts aside. "I keep thinking about those four people, but I know that if I'm going to be involved like this, I'm going to have to look at the big picture better." He thought for a minute. "How much effort is involved in kidnapping, training, and handling those people they used in Hogsmeade?"


The calculating look on Snape's face suggested to Harry that he was thinking along the right lines. "Not a small amount. This operation has clearly been the Dark Lord's main strategic objective since his confrontation with you."


"Then, the only good thing for them is that they got those Death Eaters back. From their point of view, the Hogsmeade operation has to be considered a failure. Not only did they fail to get me, losing three Death Eaters in the process, but the resources they put into gathering all those disposable attackers seems to say that they were hoping for a death toll much higher than four. They probably wanted dozens, like Professor Dumbledore was afraid would happen." He thought again. "Also, it seems to me that the time they spent doing this was time they could have spent doing something else, like gathering even more forces for long-term use. They took a gamble on this, and lost. So I guess I'd say that it's a big plus for our side."


Snape looked impressed, as did McGonagall and Dumbledore. "A good analysis, Professor. The last of what you said is the key. Are you familiar with the concept of opportunity cost?" Harry shook his head. "Opportunity cost," Snape continued, "refers to the fact that when one is doing something, one could be doing something else. If you have tickets for a performance, but choose to spend the evening with a friend instead, the opportunity cost of that visit is that you miss the performance. This operation was costly to the Dark Lord in that sense; he has made very little progress in his strategic objectives in the past seven weeks. And it is highly likely that what he would have done in these seven weeks had he not been doing this would have cost more than four lives. So, in a real sense, almost certainly, lives were saved. And why exactly did he spend the last seven weeks doing this?"


Harry understood this was a rhetorical question, but he answered it anyway. "Because of my campaign to say his name."


"Correct," Snape said. "I said at that time that I would not have advised joining that particular fight. I was obviously incorrect. I could not have guessed-though, nor could you, I suspect-that you would so successfully galvanize the Hogwarts community, and begin to have an effect on the wizarding community in general. That he takes this seriously is reflected in his actions. By joining the fight with you, he has diverted time and resources from long-term strategic aims, so your campaign would be considered a success if only for that reason.


"The headmaster would probably give you this advice as well, but it is very important that you keep up your defiant posture in the public arena. You will have to answer the media's questions. You must emphasize strongly your determination to continue in your efforts. You must not even hint at any self-blame for the deaths, for if you did-"


"Voldemort would know he was getting to me, that making the body count higher is the way to beat me down," Harry finished as Snape nodded. "I understand."


"Needless to say, Harry," said Dumbledore, "you should not be any less than honest in your interview. Hugo would know if you were. I suppose it is more a matter of emphasis. Hugo will notice that, too, but he will also understand the reasons, and not press the issue."


"When will this interview be, sir?" Harry asked.


"It has not been determined yet, but I believe he would like to do it as soon as possible, so that his story will be closer to the actual event. I would say that you should do it when you feel ready. But in any case, I would recommend that you first see some of the people who wish to see you. They are most eager."


"Of course, sir. I want to see them too. You can go ahead and send them in now, if you want." After so much focus on death and strategy, Harry felt it would be nice to spend some time with people just for the sake of mutual support. McGonagall and Snape left, and a few minutes later, most of the remainder of the Weasley family came in: the parents, Bill, Fred, George, and of course Ginny. Mrs. Weasley gave him her usual hug and kiss; he surprised her by kissing her in return. Everyone expressed their relief that Harry had recovered, but of course it was tempered by concern for the others.


Dumbledore asked Harry to put his memories back in the Pensieve; he wanted the Weasleys to be able to see what happened for themselves. Harry did so, and they all went into the Pensieve to watch. After they were finished and came back out, there was no comment for a moment, just silence. Finally, George said, "Don't think I'll be making any jokes about Ron for awhile. That took some guts. I'm not sure I could have done that."


"It's almost more impressive that they planned to do it," agreed Fred. "Risking your life like that on the spur of the moment is one thing. But to choose to take a piece of Avada Kedavra..." He trailed off. "And Neville, being the one to suggest it. I remember when he was deathly afraid to ask someone to borrow a quill. He's come a long way."


Mrs. Weasley was tearing up. "I'm very proud of Ron," she said, "but I can't help realizing that I would've wished he hadn't done it if it was for anybody but Harry, or another member of the family. I know I shouldn't feel that way. Risking your life for someone is noble, no matter who it's for. But a mother can't help but feel like I do, I suppose."


"What's also amazing," Fred said, "is Justin. I was never aware that he was that close a friend of yours, Harry."


"He and Ernie were very supportive through the whole Voldemort thing, but otherwise... I was surprised too, to be honest. I have to imagine that he just thought it was the right thing to do. We've always been friendly, but never that close."


"Ernie feels terrible that he didn't do it too," Ginny said to Fred and George.


"Don't see why he would," said Fred as George nodded in agreement. "Risking your life for a friend even, is a stretch. To do it for someone you don't know all that well... no one should expect that of himself."


They walked over to Ron's bed and talked there. After a while, Harry was very surprised to see the door open and Pansy walk in. He wasn't concerned, though; he knew all the Weasleys could be trusted. Fred and George's expressions of surprise turned to shock when, smiling, Harry met her in the middle of the room and hugged her enthusiastically. He chuckled as he hugged her.


"What?" she whispered.


"Look at Fred and George," he whispered back, turning her around as part of the hug so she could see. He felt her suppress a laugh.


Ginny did actually laugh out loud. "See, guys, a few things have changed..."


"That'd be putting it mildly," said George. Ginny explained the Pansy situation to Fred and George; they asked her a few questions, then Pansy, and shook their heads in amazement.


"Oh, Harry," said Pansy, "I wanted to mention that the first years really want to see you. Well, actually, more like pleading, begging, demanding, that sort of thing."


"Harry has kind of a special relationship with his Slytherin first years," explained Ginny.


"Do you mind if they come in? They don't have to stay for long," Harry assured them. The Weasleys said it was fine, and a few minutes later, ten Slytherins ran into the room. Augustina Delva ran up to him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, Professor, we were so worried..." As soon as she let go, the other girls all took their turn, and he returned their hugs gratefully.


George couldn't help saying, "Funny, I don't seem to remember student-teacher relations being quite so good when we were here."


Harry chuckled. "We have an unusually good group of first years," he said.


"No, he's an unusually good teacher," Helen contradicted him. "And he drove off Voldemort. How many teachers can say that?"


The Weasleys reacted with surprise; they were barely used to saying the name themselves, never mind hearing an eleven-year-old say it so unselfconsciously.


"Thank you, Helen," Harry said. "That's nice of you."


"Well, it's true!" said another girl indignantly. There were many sounds of agreement. The Weasleys smiled.


Harry said, "You guys, I want you to meet some friends of mine... well, they're more like family, really. The Weasleys, Ron and Ginny's family. Arthur, Molly, Bill, Fred, and George."


David Septus gaped. "You're Fred and George?" he asked excitedly.


"The fireworks, and the swamp?" chimed in Augustina.


"You two are famous!" enthused Hedrick. "We heard all about what you did last year, it was so brilliant..."


Mrs. Weasley looked unhappy as Fred and George grinned broadly. "Well, no doubt the tales are exaggerated..." Fred said with obvious false modesty.


"But it is nice to know that we have left a legacy," added George.


"Pansy," Harry said, "I just showed the Weasleys what happened in Hogsmeade, in the Pensieve. I can show you and the first years, if you'd like." Harry had to explain to them how the Pensieve worked. The first years were very excited to be able to see Harry's memories of what had happened. They gathered around the Pensieve, all twelve of them barely fitting, and put their fingers in. They emerged a few minutes later, all except Harry with very impressed looks.


"Wow..." said Helen. "I mean, hearing about it is one thing, but seeing it is different. I remember," she continued, now speaking more to the Weasley parents, "in the first week, I asked Ron how he could do stuff that was so dangerous, and he said the thing was not to think about it. He had to think about this, but he did it anyway. That was really brave, what he did, what they did. But you didn't want them to do it, did you," she asked Harry. "At the end, I could tell. You were scared for them."


Harry nodded. "No, I didn't want them to. They could have died. They still might."


"But we would have done it," protested Hedrick. "We would have wanted to, anyway. If we were brave enough." Others voiced agreement.


"I know you would," said Harry, wanting to honor their desire to help rather than chastise them. "But you have to understand... my parents died saving me. A very close friend died in June, helping to keep me safe. It makes me feel like I don't want more people dying for me, enough already have. It's hard when people you care about risk themselves for you."


Arthur Weasley stepped forward and looked at Harry seriously. "I can imagine what you must feel, Harry. But you inspire this kind of loyalty. I can see it's a burden as well as a gift. But you're important, and you're going to have to get used to the fact that people want to do this for you. You don't honor them by disapproving of what they do."


Harry looked a bit ashamed. "I see what you mean, Mr. Weasley. I'll try."


"Harry... please call me Arthur." Harry raised his eyebrows a little, and nodded.


The Slytherin first years lingered for another fifteen minutes, talking to various Weasleys, and Pansy talked to Fred and George for a while, then Bill. Finally, Pansy decided that the first years had stayed long enough, and suggested they go. They left, followed by Pansy.


Molly watched them go, a smile on her face. "I've never seen students like that before," she said, impressed. "They really love you, Harry."


"I love them, too," he said earnestly. "They're really great."


"I knew you'd be a successful teacher," she said. "But even I didn't imagine this would happen, that you would be thought of this way. I'm sure that no Hogwarts teacher has ever been this... beloved, even Professor Dumbledore."


Bill agreed. "They couldn't wait to tell me about how much they loved your class. They wish they could have it every day. It's nice for them that they have a teacher they feel that way about. Bet you don't have absenteeism problems."


Harry admitted that some rather ill students had tried to attend his class anyway. The Weasleys were impressed, but not surprised. "I sure hope your example doesn't spread, Harry," said Fred. "We'd never sell another Snackbox again."


"Thank goodness for Binns, Trelawney, and Snape," agreed George.


"Speaking of which," Harry pointed out, "Binns'll never notice, but Snape and anyone else who's on the ball is starting to recognize the Snackbox symptoms. You're going to have to come up with new ones, even Professor Dumbledore mentioned that."


"Yes, he told us, too," said George. "We're working on it right now, in fact."


"Our newest idea is a Diarrhea Dumpling," said Fred, smiling. The Weasleys and Harry laughed, except for Molly, who made a face. "That's disgusting," she said, as the others laughed more.


The Weasleys stayed for another half hour. They would have liked to stay longer, but they knew it could be a while before Ron woke, and as a practical matter they couldn't stay indefinitely. Before she left, Molly visited every bed, kissing the forehead of each person, and lastly, Harry's. The Weasleys filed out, except Ginny, who stayed behind with Harry. They sat down together on Harry's bed.


"I see you're doing better today," she said.


"You and Pansy really helped," he said. "You kept me from wallowing in my own misery any more than I had to. And I really would have wallowed, I know it."


"That's what friends are for, Harry. Now you should probably get some food, you must be starved. I know you haven't left here yet."


Harry had to admit he was hungry. He asked her to come with him, but she wasn't willing to leave the infirmary, on the chance that someone else might awaken. "There should be someone here all the time," Ginny said. "Probably Madam Pomfrey will be back later today, and be able to look after them. But you should go, get some food, talk to a few people. They'll be stopping you in the halls anyway."


"What about classes?" Harry asked. It hadn't occurred to him that he had already missed three days' worth of classes.


"Oh, you didn't know? On Sunday evening, Professor Dumbledore announced that because of what happened, there would be no classes this week. There's going to be an extra week at the end of the year to compensate. It's not as though people would be able to concentrate very well on their schoolwork."


Harry could see the point of that. He left the infirmary and headed to the kitchens, where he was greeted enthusiastically by the house-elves, not only Dobby. He ate his food in the nearly empty Great Hall, then headed back to Gryffindor Tower, where he was mobbed when he climbed in the portrait hole. He patiently spent a half hour answering people's questions and talking about what happened, and expressed his condolences to the third years, who had lost a friend.


He showered, changed, and got a few things from his dormitory before heading back to the infirmary. Ginny was still there, along with a group of Hufflepuffs visiting Justin. Harry greeted them and talked to them for a while, expressing his gratitude for what Justin had done. "In some ways, he reminds me a lot of Cedric," Harry told them. "This was the kind of thing Cedric would have done, I'm sure of it." They thanked Harry, knowing what a compliment it was.


After they left, Ginny sat in a chair between Ron and Neville's beds, and Harry pulled up a chair next to her. She took his hand, and they sat in silence, waiting.


Madam Pomfrey returned on Thursday afternoon and greeted Harry warmly, but told him his presence was no longer required. He informed her that he would stay until all of his friends had awakened; his tone suggested that his removal would only be achieved by force. She gave him a look, but understood why he was being that way, and muttered something about him having special dispensation due to the fact that he was a teacher.


Sitting next to Ginny, Harry realized that Ernie had not been in since he had awoken. He pulled out his new Hogwarts map, and got a speeded-up display of Ernie's whereabouts. He had spent a lot of time in his dormitory, but almost none in the Hufflepuff common room. Most time not spent in his dormitory, Harry saw, had been spent under a tree, the same one Harry had sat under as he grieved for Sirius in June. He wondered if that tree was somehow a magnet for the grief-stricken.


"You should go talk to him," said Ginny, seeing what Harry was doing. "It may be that only you can forgive him, or help him to forgive himself."


"I was going to go do that," Harry confirmed. "He obviously doesn't want to come here because he'll have to face me." He folded up the map and headed out of the infirmary, and out of the castle.


It was a cold, dry, and cloudy day, not the ideal day for sitting around outside. Ernie was one of the very few outside the castle. Harry headed over to the tree; Ernie didn't see Harry until Harry sat down next to him.


"Hi, Ernie," Harry said. Ernie nodded but didn't say anything; Harry could tell he was embarrassed and didn't know what to say.


"I see you've become rather attached to this tree," Harry tried again.


Ernie looked surprised. "How did you-oh, the map. You're supposed to be looking for Slytherins with that, not me," he said, annoyed.


Harry decided the direct approach was better; Ernie didn't seem to be in a mood to take hints. "I think it's also reasonable to use it to check up on people we're concerned about."


Ernie looked at him as if trying to figure out what Harry was thinking. Finally he said, "Don't see why you should be. I wasn't all that concerned about what happened to you."


"Just because you didn't decide, on less than a second's notice, that you were willing to die for me?" Harry asked, trying to keep the incredulity out of his voice. "You're holding yourself up to an impossibly high standard, Ernie."


"It wasn't impossible for them," Ernie replied. Harry realized that Ernie wasn't about to let himself off the hook so easily.


"Yes, but Ron, Neville, and Hermione are my closest friends. I'm friendly with you and Justin, and I've always appreciated your support, but this is something I couldn't possibly have expected of you. You shouldn't expect it of yourself."


"Justin did it."


"That doesn't mean anything about you, though," Harry said. "It's a huge decision to make, it's not easy. Maybe on a different day you'd have made a different decision, or Justin would've. You can't possibly say. What we choose to do in any instant doesn't define who we are. Besides, I'm pretty sure Justin decided in advance to do it; I think he figured out from what Hermione said what they were going to do, and you didn't. That's not something you can blame yourself for. Maybe he wouldn't have done it with only a second's notice, or maybe you would've if you'd realized what was going on. You can't know."


Ernie turned to face him, in anguish. "I know enough. I know even thinking back on it, wishing I'd done it differently... if I had it to do over, I might still do the same thing. I don't think you can understand this, Harry. You're brave, everyone knows it. You'd have done it for me, I know. Who I was on Sunday is not who I want to be, but I'm afraid it's who I am."


"You can still be that, Ernie, though I'm not convinced you're not already. Again, we're talking about a split-second decision. You just can't beat yourself up over that. And it's a huge thing. It's like deciding you'll never be a good athlete because you didn't high-jump seven feet on your first try. Hermione, Ron, and Neville had all been in life-threatening situations before, had all done things they knew might mean their death. They knew what it was about. As for Justin, maybe he's just exceptional, I don't know. But it just isn't a fair standard to hold yourself to. I should know, I've held myself to a lot of unfair standards lately."


"What do you mean?" asked Ernie.


"I blamed myself for the four deaths," Harry said. "If I hadn't started the crusade, those people would be alive right now."


"Yes, but you were doing the right thing, and you know it," Ernie said. "There's nothing else to do but fight him. You said it, and you were right."


Harry nodded. "I know. But it seems different when there are consequences like this. Sometimes we can't help but feel things that we kind of know aren't right, like you are right now. Ernie, when I woke up and found out about the four who died... I was absolutely convinced it was all my fault. I wished I were dead instead of them. I cried for a long time. I think part of me knew that I shouldn't feel that way, and a part of you knows you shouldn't be as hard on yourself as you're being."


"But you did the right thing, Harry-"


"I put people's lives at risk!" Harry said, almost angrily. "People who didn't choose to be at risk. I did that. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying it's understandable that I would react like I did, but I also had to wake up and realize that that's just part of life, especially in a situation like this, where Voldemort could kill anyone at any time. And you have to realize that an action taken in one split second doesn't say everything there is to say about you. It's just too much, Ernie. I can't walk around blaming myself for their deaths. You can't walk around blaming yourself for this. It's not fair to yourself, and it's not fair to those around you."


"Nobody's been talking to me much lately," Ernie said.


Harry took out the map and waved it a bit. "You've been mainly here and in the dormitory, Ernie. You haven't given people much chance to talk to you, and your attitude doesn't welcome it, either. You've got to give people a chance. I think they'll react differently than you expect. One thing I know for sure, the four people in the infirmary won't blame you. And I don't, either." Harry fixed his gaze on Ernie, silently pleading for him to give himself a break.


Ernie stared back for a moment. Finally he asked, "Why do you care, Harry? I chickened out when I could have helped save your life. You could be up there basking in the adulation of the school. Why come out here?"


Harry couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. "The last thing I feel like doing right now, Ernie, is basking in anyone's adulation. It's hard enough not to wallow in my own misery. But to answer your question, two reasons. One, I know what it feels like to blame yourself for something you shouldn't; I've done it a lot lately. And two, you made an effort to be supportive of me when I really needed it."


They sat in silence for a few minutes; Harry could tell Ernie was trying to accept what he was saying, but having a hard time. Harry realized he had probably convinced Ernie, and it would just take time for it to sink in. Harry stood up. "C'mon, Ernie. Let's go to the infirmary, wait on the others some more." He held out his hand to help Ernie up. Ernie just stared for a moment; Harry stared back and kept his hand out. Finally Ernie took it, and Harry helped him up. They walked back to the castle together.


Ernie stayed with Harry and Ginny for a few hours before heading back to the Hufflepuff common room, where, Harry noted with satisfaction while looking at his Hogwarts map, he stayed for another two hours, near a number of other people.


Pansy joined them at 10:00, and the three sat together and talked for over an hour. Eventually, Harry said, "Pansy, what do the Slytherins think you're doing when you're out of your dormitory so much? Your dormitory-mates must be noticing something."


"I assume they think it's something to do with the unusual situation we have here," Pansy said. "They don't ask." After a short silence, she continued, "I don't have much of a relationship with them, anyway, so they're not going to ask many questions. I mean, we're polite to each other, but they sort of have their own group, which I'm outside of. I think it's because at some point I started spending a lot of time with Malfoy, and my being one of his toadies probably disgusted them. It disgusts me, too, now, of course. It's probably too late to build any real relationship with them now, which is sad."


"I don't think it's too late," Harry said. "Look at the relationship you've built with me, and it hasn't been that long."


"Yeah," agreed Ginny. "I'm comfortable with you, and that's only from spending parts of four days together. Once they find out you've been working against Malfoy, they'll probably be open to the idea of being more friendly with you."


Appreciatively, Pansy said, "That's nice of you, both of you. Maybe you're right. We'll see."


"How do your dormitory-mates regard Malfoy?" Ginny wondered.


"We haven't talked about it that much, since they think I'm practically his girlfriend," Pansy said, her face expressing her disgust at the notion. I think that they see him pretty much for what he is, which is why they don't think much of me. They mostly try to avoid dealing with him. Wish I could do that. "


Harry interjected, "You could-"


"Don't you start with that," Pansy warned him, with a finger pointed at him for emphasis.


Harry blinked. "You don't even know what I was going to say!"


"You were going to say that I could come out in the open, and I wouldn't have to deal with Malfoy anymore, I'd be safe, and I could have a relationship with whoever I wanted."


Harry's eyebrows went up a little. "Well, okay, then you did know what I was going to say," he conceded. Ginny giggled.


"As if he hasn't told me that a half dozen times," Pansy said to Ginny. "He'll make a good father someday, always worrying."


"I thought mothers were supposed to be the ones that worried," Harry said.


"Well, it didn't seem right to suggest that you'd make a good mother someday," Pansy said reasonably. Ginny giggled again.


"Guess not," Harry agreed. "By the way, you should really try to get out quick if it looks like Neville or Justin is waking up, since they don't know about you."


"Or, we could decide that if Neville and Justin are willing to risk their lives for you, then they can be trusted to keep their mouths shut," said Pansy. "You trust them, don't you?"


"Of course I trust them," said Harry, annoyed. "You know what I'm talking about, and this isn't just me worrying stupidly. The more people know, the more risk there is. They don't need to know."


"It's so nice that you two are at the stage of your relationship where you bicker so much," Ginny said. Harry and Pansy both laughed.


"Ron and Hermione have been at that stage for several years now," Harry muttered.


"They bicker a lot?" Pansy asked. Harry and Ginny chuckled.


"All the time, it seems like," Harry said. "It's not so bad this year, but usually, yes. It's almost amazing that they're friends, they have such different personalities."


"Anyway," said Pansy, "I'm sorry, Harry, but I'm not going to go tearing out of the room just because the wrong person wakes up. If I'm here when it happens, then that's the way it is. I mean, suppose it's Neville, who's he going to tell?"


"He wouldn't tell anybody," Harry said. "It's just the principle."


"I have to say, I was really impressed with what he did in Hogsmeade, since I got to see it for myself," said Pansy. "He used to be so shy, it's amazing how he's changed. Do you know what caused it?"


"His grandmother thinks that being in the D.A. had a lot to do with it," Harry said.


The voice was so weak, Harry could barely hear it. "She's right," Neville said.


Harry, Ginny, and Pansy looked at each other for a second, then stood up and ran to Neville's bedside. "Neville?" asked Harry. Neville looked up him and nodded. Harry made a triumphant fist and exulted, "Yes!" Ginny leaned over and kissed Neville on the cheek.


"Neville, we've been really worried about you, about all of you," said Harry. "You're the first to wake up."


"So, I guess it worked, then?" Neville asked.


Harry nodded, and had to remember not to chastise Neville or the rest for what they'd done. "Thank you, Neville. I'm alive because of you."


Neville smiled. "I'm glad." He paused, looking around. "What's she doing here?" he asked, referring to Pansy, who just smiled.


"She's been helping me since early September. She's been spying on Malfoy for me, and she saved me from long exposure to Malfoy's Confundus Beam during the Slytherin match. Dumbledore put up the magic-detection field because of her warning. And she's become a good friend of mine. Sorry I didn't tell you, but-"


"I didn't need to know," Neville finished. "I heard that part. Of course I won't tell anybody."


"I know. Anyway, she's here to be nice, to help keep me company. She and Ginny are about the only friends I have now who haven't been unconscious for four days."


"Four days?" asked Neville in amazement. "Wow, I had no idea. How are the other two doing? You said I was the first one awake?"


"Other three, Neville, and yes. Justin joined the Diffusion."


"Justin? Wow, I wouldn't have expected that," said Neville.


"I don't think any of us did, Neville. Just one of life's little surprises. By the way, I notice that you didn't mention to me what you were going to do."


Neville nodded. "There was no time to argue, so I thought it was better to skip that part."


"I'll have to remember that," said Pansy wryly. "Sounds like a good timesaver."


Neville slowly sat up, Ginny and Harry helping him. He stared at Pansy for a few seconds, then caught himself. "Sorry," he said to her. "I'm just not used to seeing you, in this kind of situation. I keep thinking you're going to make fun of us or something."


Her expression changed from happy to ashamed in a flash. "I understand," she said. "I have a lot to make up for."


Neville's face fell as he saw her reaction. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I don't know what's been going on... I'm sorry."


"No, you have every right to say that," she assured him. "This is all very new to you. That's been your only experience with me."


"Well," Neville said, "If Harry says you're his good friend, then that's good enough for me. So, what's happened since I've been out? Oh, right, Hogsmeade. What ended up happening in the attack?"


Harry grew somber. "Four dead," he said. He gave the names.


Neville shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Harry. I know you must feel responsible, but you really aren't."


Harry nodded. "So everyone's been telling me. But thank you anyway. Not much else going on besides that. The week's classes were canceled."


As Harry was speaking, he thought he saw the smallest movement from Hermione. He rushed over to her bed and took her hand. "Hermione? Are you awake?" he asked. She blinked twice and looked up at him. He smiled in delight, causing her to smile back. "It worked," she said. He nodded. Pansy and Ginny walked over, smiling.


She looked at him happily. "I suppose you're going to be mad at us," she said.


He shook his head. "I'm trying to deal with it. You guys saved my life, and I'm extremely grateful." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.


She blushed a little. "I bet Neville didn't get one of those."


Harry smiled. "No, but I'm saving one for Ron when he wakes up." They all laughed, including Neville. "I'd pay to see that," Hermione said.


Ginny and Pansy both touched Hermione's arm. "We're so glad you're back, said Ginny. Pansy just smiled. The room soon became somber again after Hermione asked about the toll from Hogsmeade, and Ginny told her. She looked at Harry with great pity, knowing what he must have gone through.


"It's really horrible, Harry, but honestly... we must have taken down ten or fifteen of those people, and there had to be more. I expected the number to be higher than four, much higher."


"That's what Dumbledore said, too," said Harry. "It's not much consolation, but it's a little."


They all talked for another hour, and finally they went to sleep, Ginny back to Gryffindor Tower. Pansy wanted to stay in case anyone else woke up, but was evicted by Madam Pomfrey, who assured her that she would watch during the night.


Harry awoke in his infirmary bed to see Ron and Justin standing next to their beds, talking. He leaped out of bed, grinning, ran to Ron, and hugged him before Ron could react. To Harry's surprise, Ron exhibited no discomfort, and returned the hug. To Harry's reaction, Ron said, "Well, we did save your life, so it doesn't seem like a hug is too far out of line."


"Hermione would be proud, Ron," Harry said. He looked around to see where she was, and found her next to Neville's bed, talking to him. She glanced at Harry and smiled.


Harry walked over to Justin, who now knew what to expect. Justin smiled as Harry hugged him. "Thank you, Justin," Harry said. "That was a lot you did. I appreciate it, more than I can say."


Justin nodded. "Just seemed like the thing to do. They were obviously out to get you, and that was all we could do. Hermione, when you told us about Fawkes, I assume you were referring to what eventually happened?"


She walked over and nodded. "I couldn't say anything directly, because Harry would've had a fit, and we didn't have time for that. Also, it's not the kind of thing you want to ask directly, because it's really a lot. I just wanted to give you the chance in case you wanted to do it, but not make you feel like you should."


"I think you got it just about right. I got the impression from Ernie's face that he didn't get what you were talking about, which was fine. I figured we'd need one guy to take down the attacker, and that could be him." Justin saw the expression on Harry's face, and took a guess. "Don't tell me, he's been down on himself about it."


"Yes, he has," Harry confirmed. "I've talked to him about it, Dumbledore has, Ginny has... I think he's just starting to get through it. One more dose of 'don't worry about it' from you should finish it off, I hope."


Dismayed, Justin said, "Damn him... he would be like this, he always has these impossible expectations of himself. You should have heard him moan about missing an Outstanding O.W.L. in Astronomy. You'd have thought the world was ending."


Harry looked at Hermione, failing to keep a grin off his face. She gave him an annoyed look and said, "All right, go ahead..."


With as straight a face as he could manage, Harry said, "Justin, I can't imagine what that must have been like."


Justin chuckled. "Oh, yeah, I forgot... sorry, Hermione. You two'll be a great Head Boy and Girl next year. Anyway-"


Ron laughed out loud. "Does everyone think that?" Hermione asked.


"I think so," answered Justin. "Ernie says he thinks Harry'll get it. After this year, I'd say he was right, except Harry'll still be a teacher. I don't think they'd give it to you, Harry, not that you care. I think Ernie's just trying not to get his hopes up. Anyway, yeah, thanks for the warning, Harry. I'll harp on him about it, and he'll get over it."


Harry walked over to Neville and hugged him, saying, "Anyone who stays with me for five nights and loses sleep while I deal with Voldemort, or saves my life, gets a hug. So that's two for you this year, Neville."


Neville grinned and patted Harry on the shoulder. "Let's hope it stays at two for the year. You've had enough excitement."


"You should know by now, Neville. I'm Harry Potter. Excitement follows me around, and leaps out at me when I least expect it." Harry approached Hermione. "And you," he said, looking into her eyes, "you who so brazenly defy my wishes by saving my life while putting yours at risk..." She melted and hugged him. "I couldn't want a better friend," he whispered in her ear. "Thank you so much."


"You're very welcome. I'm just glad you're not mad," she teased him.


"Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like I haven't eaten for a few days, so what do you say we all go down for breakfast," suggested Ron. They did, leaving the infirmary empty for the first time in days.


It was Sunday afternoon, and the Gryffindor Quidditch team was walking off the pitch after an impromptu practice; there had been little to do all week, and Ron had now sufficiently recovered to practice. It had gone well, though Harry had found himself, while searching for the Snitch, reflecting on what Hermione had said about the Snitch being far too important a part of the game, and it made sense to him. He decided not to bring it up with Ron, though. He didn't know if Ron's attitude towards Hermione about the topic last week had been genuine or for the sake of being contrary, but he didn't feel like finding out.


"Well, that was a pretty good practice," Ron said. "Of course, it was a pretty good match we had last week. Ginny, Katie, I assume that next time you're going to score some goals yourselves?"


"I don't know, it worked pretty well last time," said Katie facetiously. "Besides, he's the new guy, why not make him do all the work?"


"Yeah, if it isn't broken, don't fix it," agreed Ginny. Dennis chuckled.


"Well, I'm glad that's taken care of," said Ron sarcastically. "At least next time we play Hufflepuff, and if you can count on them for one thing, it's that they'll play fair. That'll be especially welcome." Several teammates grunted their agreement.


"That's for sure," agreed Harry. "If I had to play Malfoy again, I'd probably fly around encased in my new spell's shield."


"Good idea, Harry," said Ginny. "Of course, then, considering what the shield's made of, you'd start being called the Seeker of Love." The rest of the team laughed at the play on words, even Harry.


"Just so long as I'm not known as the Seeker of Girlfriends," Harry joked, to more laughter, as Harry noticed a lone figure approaching them.


"Ah, I see my legacy still haunts you, Harry," smiled Hugo Brantell, offering his hand, which Harry shook. "If I hadn't asked you that question..."


"You'd have deprived my friends and well-wishers of hours of fun at my expense, so you must be very proud. How are you doing?"


"Good, Harry, good. Better than you, though that's not too difficult these days. I was wondering if I could get that interview anytime soon." He looked at Ron. "You, too, Ron. I want all five of you, if it's all right."


Ron appeared to consider it. "I don't know, Hugo, I get enough publicity as it is. Why don't you talk to just Harry instead?" The team laughed as Harry whacked Ron lightly on the arm.


"I'll take that as a yes," Hugo said. "Is right now okay? I've already gathered the others, they're at the castle entrance. We can do it in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom." Harry and Ron agreed, so they walked with Hugo up to the entrance, where they met Neville, Hermione, and Justin, and headed to the classroom.


They sat down in a circle of student desks. Hugo said, "First of all, I should tell you that Professor Dumbledore has shown me Harry's memory of the events of last Sunday, so I don't need to ask any particular questions about that. Now, can everyone tell me what they were doing throughout the day? I may or may not use it, but it could be interesting background." It didn't take long to tell him; as the four Gryffindors had spent the day together, there were only two accounts.


"Harry, why were you going to buy butterbeer for the first and second years?"


Harry had almost forgotten that he'd planned to do that; he recalled that it was in the memory that Hugo had seen. He explained that those students couldn't go to Hogsmeade. "Now, it's hard to say if or when I'll be able to do that," Harry finished.


"Yes, I can see that," agreed Hugo. "Neville, after the first attack on Harry, you brought up the idea of using the Diffusion Shield to Ron and Hermione. What made you think of it?"


Neville looked nervous; this was his first time being interviewed as one of the people featured in an article. "I'm not sure... I was just thinking about what, if anything, could be done to protect Harry if it happened again. It especially had to be something that didn't require his cooperation. For example, I thought of having us move as a group with Harry at the center so he'd always be shielded by one of us. But somehow I didn't think he'd agree with the idea."


"Why would you think that, Neville?" asked Ron, deadpan.


"Just a feeling, Ron. Anyway, the Diffusion Shield just came into my head, and it was as good as it was going to get, the obvious choice. It had a chance of working, and Harry didn't have to know we were going to do it, or cooperate in any way."


"But it had the drawback of possibly killing you all if it didn't work," Hugo pointed out.


"Well, I didn't say it was perfect," Neville said, as the others chuckled. "I knew that could happen. But there was nothing else to do. We couldn't just stand by and watch it happen."


Hugo looked at Harry. "From what I saw in the Pensieve, Harry, it seemed as though you would just as soon they hadn't done it."


Harry sighed. "I'm extremely grateful for what they did, but yes, if I could have stopped them from doing it, I would have. They all could have been killed. You know already that I have no problem accepting risk, but great problems delegating it to others, especially on my behalf. My friends, knowing this about me, naturally went behind my back."


"It was the only thing to do, really," said Ron.


"There was no time for an argument," said Hermione.


"Ron, Hermione, you didn't hesitate at all when Neville suggested the idea? I mean, you knew the risks were substantial, it couldn't have been a trivial decision," pointed out Hugo.


"Of course it wasn't trivial, but at the same time, it was just obvious that it had to be done," said Ron. "Kind of like Harry with Voldemort in September, he just felt he had no choice. This was like that. Like Neville said, we couldn't just let him be killed. I didn't hesitate, and I know Hermione didn't, either."


"It's almost like faith," added Hermione. "You just know it, you don't question it. But it wouldn't have only been that way for Harry; we would have done it no matter which of us was the target. Maybe one day we'll get killed doing it, I don't know. But Harry's in this thing deep, and we're in it with him. So, no, there was no hesitation. You just know what you have to do, and you do it. You worry about the rest later."


"I've talked to some people," said Hugo, "and nobody is that surprised that you, Ron, and Neville did this for Harry. Well, they're kind of surprised at Neville. I keep hearing the phrase 'he used to be so shy.' But people are very surprised that Justin did it too."


"So was I," Ron said. Neville nodded in agreement.


"So, Justin, I see by your expression that you've already been asked this more than a dozen times in the past few days. So you must have a good answer by now."


"Well, I have the same answer, anyway, which is, 'it seemed like the thing to do,' which most people seem to accept," Justin said. "Obviously it wasn't a no-brainer for me like it was for the others. They've put their lives at risk for Harry before, it's a decision they'd already made. I hadn't, so I had to decide, and I didn't have that much time to do it. I didn't feel pressured, though. I knew nobody would think any less of me if I didn't.


"As everyone has pointed out, I'm not that close with Harry. We like each other, we're friendly, I support him, and I root for him in Quidditch when he's not playing Hufflepuff." The others chuckled. "So it's not like the others, who feel a strong personal closeness to Harry. In my case it's..." He stopped to think for a minute.


"I think it's two things. One thing is that he's taken on such a prominent role in the fight against Voldemort; by helping him, you're helping fight Voldemort, and that's what we all should be doing. But the main thing is what he did against Voldemort in September. Not the new spell exactly, but the awesome bravery he showed in being willing to face Voldemort and the Curse night after night. You can't not be inspired by that. You see that, and you think, 'Here's someone who I could risk my life for and know that it would be worth it.' I didn't think all this consciously, in the situation, but I think it all factored in. The short version is still right: It seemed like the right thing to do."


"Thank you, Justin, that's a pretty good answer," said Hugo. "I would ask Harry his reaction, but I know there's not much he could say. So, Hermione, I'll ask you instead. What's your reaction to what Justin said?"


"I'm not surprised, Hugo," she said. "I can easily see where Harry would inspire that sort of feeling even in people who don't know him that well. I've heard that quite a few people around the school have said they would have joined, or that they would have if they knew how to do the spell. So, I think there are a number of people who would have felt as Justin did. Which is not to take away from what Justin did, which was terrific. He could have saved all our lives, for all we know. Maybe three wouldn't have been enough." Ron and Neville nodded, indicating they'd considered that as well.


"I actually did think of that, too," added Justin. "I couldn't back out of helping, thinking, 'they've got it in hand,' because I knew they were in big danger too. It was easier to do it, knowing that they would as well. And you have to be inspired by what they were going to do, too. They set an example that you feel like you want to follow." Harry smiled as the others now were embarrassed.


"Hermione, and I want to ask Justin the same thing in a minute, you're Muggle-born, and your parents have no connection to the wizarding world. How do they feel about you taking this kind of risk?"


"I don't know, Hugo, because I try not to tell them about stuff like this," she said, grinning sheepishly. "They would just worry. Also, they don't know what's at stake, and it would be hard to explain it to them."


"As for me," said Justin, "I haven't had to make that decision yet; fortunately, my brother hasn't said anything to our parents. I may do what Hermione did, for the same reasons. There's no great reason to tell them, and they would worry, might even want to yank us away from here."


"Ron?"


"Well, of course my parents know extremely well what's at stake, and they approve of what I do; I know they're proud. They worry, of course, especially my mum, like I imagine all mothers do. But also, Harry's a part of our family now, so she worries about him as much as she does me." He chuckled. "Worrying about Harry, now that could be a full-time job."


"Neville?"


"I haven't talked to my grandmother since before Hogsmeade, so I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure she'll be proud, and won't criticize what I did. My parents..." Neville paused, making a decision. "My parents were Aurors, and as some people know, were involved in fighting Voldemort the last time around. When I was a baby, they were captured by Death Eaters and tortured with the Cruciatus Curse until they lost their minds, so my gran's raised me. She and I are both proud of what they did, what they fought for. She's already lost a lot to Voldemort, and she knows he has to be fought. She knows there are risks, and that they're worth taking."


Harry saw that, like him, Ron and Hermione were looking at Neville with respect and admiration, knowing what a difficult topic that had been for him. Hermione, sitting next to Neville, gave his arm a squeeze. He nodded at her in gratitude.


"Harry?"


"If you're referring to my aunt and uncle, they don't take any interest in wizarding affairs; they would just as soon not know about it." He ended his answer without any further elaboration, confident that Hugo would know why what was unspoken was unspoken.


"Harry, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you a couple of hard questions here," Hugo said. "First of all, do you think there's any connection between what happened in Hogsmeade and your campaign to say Voldemort's name?"


"Yes, I'd be surprised if that wasn't the case," said Harry. "The fact that it happened while students were in the village, the fact that I was specifically targeted, seem to make it pretty clear."


"So, then, it seems clear that the four who died would still be alive had you never started your efforts to say Voldemort's name. It's obvious that this has occurred to you. How have the deaths affected you personally? Do you feel any responsibility, any blame, attaches to you?"


Harry had known he would be asked this question, and had thought about his answer. "To the first question... I was very personally affected by their deaths. I had taught them all, and liked them all. I cried for them, as I'm sure that many at Hogwarts did. We'll miss them. As to the second question... I think everyone knows where the blame and responsibility for this lie, and that's with Voldemort, who ordered it. You're right when you say this wouldn't have happened except for my campaign, and that this had obviously occurred to me. You even mentioned the possibility when you interviewed me in September. But innocents are always going to die when Voldemort is around, as we know from last time. Cedric Diggory was killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and maybe this is a bit similar. What it does is bring home more strongly the point that Voldemort has to be stopped, or this sort of thing will keep happening. And anybody who thinks that we shouldn't fight him because of things like this, well, that's exactly what he wants, that's why he does this. You couldn't reward him any better for killing people than to say, all right, we won't fight you anymore. The more people die, the harder our resolve has to be. There's nothing else for it."


There was silence for a short time. Then Hugo said, "Okay, Harry, everyone, I guess that's all I need. But one other thing... you four, I very much admire what you did. I'm not sure I could do it, at least not right now. Who knows, maybe I could if I was around Harry long enough. But the wizarding world owes you quite a debt. Thanks for talking to me, and thanks for saving him."


They acknowledged his compliment, thanked him, and got up. "Harry, could you stay behind for a moment?" Harry nodded. The others left, but Justin hung back. "Harry, there was something I wanted to mention to you... we're not still on the record, are we?" he asked Hugo, who shook his head.


"Harry, I thought you should know... on Thursday night, it must have been, there was a time when I was sort of awake, but not very... I couldn't move, wasn't awake enough to move, but I could hear things. I think this was around the time Neville woke up, and I heard a person who I didn't expect to hear, who you were obviously friendly with."


Harry understood that Justin was being cautious because he didn't know what Hugo knew. "If you mean who I think you mean, Hugo already knows. Do you mean Pansy?"


Justin nodded. "I wondered if I was dreaming, or hearing things wrong. It's almost like you were suddenly buddies with Malfoy. What in the world happened?"


Harry took a few minutes to explain it. Justin shook his head in amazement. "It's going to be tough to get used to," he said. "If Malfoy finds out, she'll really be in trouble, he'll be furious." Harry agreed, and gave Justin the now-standard security lecture: Tell no one, even people you trust. Justin said he understood, then left.


Hugo looked uncomfortable. "Harry, I'm sorry I had to ask that last question. I just didn't see how I could avoid it, some people would make that connection. I could tell that your answer was honest, but that what you said is almost what you know is true and want to believe, rather than what you believe now. I could tell that you're finding it very hard to detach yourself from the deaths, and I felt bad for asking, because it just reminds you of that. It really is not your fault."


Harry thanked him, then said, "Everyone's been telling me that, and it's true on a certain level, I know. On a big scale, we probably did better with me doing the campaign than without. But I wouldn't want to look into the eyes of those kids' parents and tell them that. That's where I have a problem."


"I understand. I can tell how hard it was for you."


"Thanks, Hugo. I guess you're coming to the Halloween feast tonight?"


Hugo nodded. "I think it was a good idea to have it anyway, even though Halloween was last week. I think I'll spend some time at the Slytherin table, see how people are responding to Malfoy's absence."


"I'd be very interested in what you find out," said Harry, with a small grin.


"I think I can fit you in for a quick word before I leave," agreed Hugo.


The Halloween decorations were up, the ghosts were present, and there was as much festive cheer in the Great Hall as the circumstances permitted. At Dumbledore's request, Harry sat at the teachers' table at the beginning of the feast. He assured Harry that he could join his friends later.


Harry was sitting between Flitwick and McGonagall. He absently wondered whether whoever arranged the seating went out of their way to make sure he was never seated next to Snape. He didn't want to think about having to make small talk with Snape, and wondered how the other teachers did it. Even when not antagonistic, Snape did not engage in idle conversation.


Flitwick did, though, and Harry enjoyed talking to him. He had been telling Harry stories, from the sound of them told many times before. Harry found Flitwick to be good at telling stories, and they were very interesting, mostly ones based in interesting things students had done in his class. He was halfway through one when Dumbledore asked for everyone's attention.


"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Halloween feast. Before we tuck into our food, though, I would like to make a few comments and a few presentations.


"Directing your attention to the head of the Gryffindor table, we have a few guests today, including most of the Weasley family: Arthur, Molly, Bill, Fred, and George." Recognition of the last two names brought decent applause, to which the twins ostentatiously turned and waved, to the embarrassment of their mother.


"The last two were well known around the school for their practical jokes, and in recognition of this, I have played a small one on them. They were asked here tonight to witness members of their family being given Special Awards for Services to the School. That was true, strictly speaking, but misleading. For their services to the school near the end of last year in supporting and raising the morale of the staff and their fellow students, we give Special Awards for Services to the School to, in alphabetical order, Messrs. Fred and George Weasley."


The audience exploded in cheers, drowning out Dumbledore's request for the twins to come forward, though they heard enough to do so. They stepped up to the podium and shook hands with Dumbledore, then turned to address the crowd.


"Thank you, we're honored," said Fred. "And very surprised. We didn't know Professor Dumbledore had this kind of sense of humor."


As the crowd chuckled, Dumbledore leaned in and said, "Oh, there's more. You'll find a few surprises embedded in your food, which I expect you to completely finish." This got a big laugh, including from the twins.


"I must say, Professor Dumbledore having a joke with us is at least as good as the award itself," said George. "And while it's true we did what we did to support Professor Dumbledore, we won't deny that it was good advertising."


"He means, for our shop, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, located at eighty-nine Diagon Alley," added Fred.


"Yes, so do come by on your Christmas vacations for an exploding Christmas tree ornament, or our Christmas fudge, which turns you into a reindeer."


"And we'd like to say thank you to Professor Dumbledore and the staff for this award," said Fred. "We can only hope that the students who are assigned detention for using our products will be made to keep our award polished." They waved and stepped down, again to great applause.


Dumbledore stepped forward again. "We have one more award to present, this one for services provided this year. We usually wait until the end of the year to give such awards, but an exception is being made in this case. As I call your name, please step forward, next to me. For outstanding bravery in facing grave peril to save the life of a friend, in alphabetical order... Mr. Justin Finch-Fletchley!"


The audience burst into applause, especially the Hufflepuff table, which went wild. Grinning, Justin stepped to the front and shook Dumbledore's hand. Harry noticed Ernie smiling and applauding along with everyone else, happy for his friend.


"Miss Hermione Granger!"


Hermione practically ran to the podium, so excited was she. She kissed Dumbledore on the cheek, both of them looking quite pleased. Then she stood next to Justin and beamed, enjoying the applause.


"Mr. Neville Longbottom!"


Neville stepped forward, and Harry suddenly noticed a woman near the teachers' table he hadn't known was there: Esmerelda Longbottom, Neville's grandmother. She was smiling and applauding, if in a somewhat reserved way. When Neville got to the podium, Hermione interrupted his enjoyment of the applause to point out his grandmother. Neville, who obviously hadn't known she was there, did a double-take and looked astonished. "She's never come here before," Harry barely heard Neville say to Hermione near the podium.


"Mr. Ron Weasley!"


Ron bounded up to the podium, smiling. The Weasley family applauded vigorously, especially Molly, obviously bursting with pride. Dumbledore said, "Will the four of you please choose a representative from among you to address the audience?" A finger from each of the others pointed at Hermione, who stepped forward.


"First of all, thank you all for the support you've given us over the past few days. That's a pretty good reward, as well as this award. But the best reward for what we did... he's sitting right over there," she said, gesturing toward Harry. The crowd applauded again, even more loudly. Harry was trying not to act as embarrassed as he felt. As the applause died down, Hermione continued, "I think we all would like to thank Harry for being the kind of person for whom you can do what we did without hesitation or regret. And again, thank you all." The crowd applauded one more time, as Hermione, on her way down from the podium, stopped at where Harry was sitting, leaned over, and kissed the top of his head. The other three patted his shoulder as they walked by.


"And now," said Dumbledore, "it is time to eat. I suggest that everyone check the Weasley twins from time to time, to see if anything interesting is happening." The food suddenly appeared on everyone's plates, as Neville's grandmother walked over to join the Weasleys, talking to Molly and Arthur. As Neville made his way back to his seat, Harry saw his grandmother intercept him, talk to him for a few minutes, then kiss him on the cheek before letting him return to his seat.


About five minutes into his meal, listening to Flitwick complete the story during which he'd been cut off earlier, Harry heard a burst of laughter from the crowd. He looked up to see that George had turned into a very large kitten, roughly human-sized, and standing on two hind legs, but still a kitten. Hermione and Ginny got up and started petting him as though he were a real kitten, drawing more laughs. Playing along, George rubbed his head against Hermione's shoulder as a normal cat would. After Fred had recovered from his laughter, his next bite of food turned him into a hippogriff. Harry couldn't help but think that Dumbledore's contribution to morale-building had been almost as good as Fred and George's. Each transformation lasted for one minute, and there were four more in each twin's meal, each for a different animal.


Watching this gave Harry a warm feeling, and made him think about how he would miss Hogwarts after he graduated. Staying on as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher felt tempting, but he knew he still wanted to be an Auror. He wondered whether the Aurors ever had this much fun.

* * * * *


Harry lay in bed later that night, stuffed from the feast and contented with the warmth and companionship he'd felt. He knew his fellow students, and his fellow teachers, were as much with him as they ever had been. They didn't blame him. Nobody blamed him, to his amazement, or acted like he was in any way responsible for the deaths. Why couldn't he feel the same way?


Hugo had been right, Harry knew. In the interview, he had said what he knew he should say, and what his logical mind knew was right. Even talking to his friends, to people like Ernie, he had acted more like he was sure that he was blameless than he really was. He wondered whether he was simply trying to convince himself, or if he really did believe it when he said it. All alone, in his bed, he didn't believe it.


He knew all the arguments backwards and forwards by now. He didn't need to review them again, but he did so anyway. Voldemort had to be fought. He couldn't be fought by people who were too afraid to say his name. Harry was in an ideal position to conduct a campaign to get them to do so, and no one else was doing it. His campaign had done a great deal of good from a strategic standpoint; it could end up having saved lives, far more than were lost. Dumbledore was right, everyone was right. He couldn't argue it.


Then he thought of eight parents who would never see their children again. For whom every Christmas for the rest of their lives would be a reminder of what they had lost. He imagined the parents holding one another, still crying over their loss. Suddenly, all the arguments didn't matter a bit. It wouldn't have happened if not for him. He turned over onto his stomach, buried his head in his pillow, and started sobbing.


Author notes: In Chapter 16: Harry visits the Aurors at the beginning of Christmas vacation, but finds out their reason for asking him there isn't what he thought it would be.