Halloween Madness (Courtesy of Draco Malfoy)

CHAPTER 2: LISTS

"Hermione!" Ron came to a skidding halt next to her in the hallway.

She quirked her head to one side and said, "Hi, Ron. What is it that you want to have you running like that after me?"

"I made a list for you!" he announced proudly.

"A list?"

"Yup. Here. Read," he handed her a piece of paper

Hermione scanned over the list entitled by Ron as List of Things to Say to Malfoy (For the Lack of a Better Name). "What is this?"

"Just as it says. A list of the words you could say to Malfoy when he bothers you again." Ron looked like a newly petted cat, dripping with satisfaction.

The list read:

Part I: Simple/Cut-Direct

1. Bugger off, Malfoy. 6. Get away from me!

2. Malfoy, bugger off. 7. Scram, you evil person, you!

3. Sod off, Malfoy. 8. Malfoy, you are a pillock

4. Malfoy, sod off. 9. You are a pillock, Malfoy.

5. Eeep! Go away! (In case you run out, try shifting the words around like I did.)

Part II: The fanciful ones (along with excuses)

1. Malfoy, you see, I don't like you. It's not you entirely but also partly your parents' fault. I won't ever like you. I really am sorry...(laugh here).

2. I'm allergic to narcissistic, evil prats like you. I gag when I go out with them. And no, I've never tried to go out with the likes of you, so don't ask how I know. Sorry.

3. I would really want to go out with you except for a minor setback--you're Draco Malfoy.

4. The dark persona clashes greatly with your (smarmy) hair and (pasty) complexion. I'm sorry but it just won't work out.

5. I don't like silver and green.

6. Don't you get it? Can't you just take a clue?!?

Hermione raised her eyes at Ron, who looked on expectantly. She was contemplating on telling him one of the things he had on the list but asked instead, "Where's Harry? Did he help you with this?"

"No. Made that all on my own in History of Magic while Binns droned on about Witch Trials."

"Well, good for you," she said quite pleasantly. "But I think you better have it back."

Ron's face fell. "But Hermione," he wailed. "I worked hard on that!"

Harry came up behind Ron, panting. "Why'd you run off?" he asked. "What's this?" He took the piece of parchment Hermione was handing on to Ron.

Once done with his reading, Harry's brow rose. "Sod off, Malfoy and Malfoy, sod off?"

"Yes. I thought that some sentences work better when they're euphonic but I can't decide which was more euphonic than the other," he replied with a shrug.

Hermione rolled her eyes and said, "Ron, I won't say those things to Malfoy. For one, he won't accept them. Two, he's way too arrogant to even hear them out."

"Suddenly you know him so well," said Ron, feigned hurt in his voice. "What about me? Do you not care how I feel?"

Exasperated, she waved her goodbyes and told them that she'd be at the library if they needed help from her.

**************

"You're alone again."

Surprised, Hermione nearly turned back on her heels and head the other way when Draco Malfoy appeared from another corridor leading to the library.

"Are you getting the habit of sneaking up on other people? Or is it just me?" she snapped at him. "What do you want again?"

"Same thing I wanted yesterday," he replied nonchalantly, leaning on the wall. "You said you'll think about the proposition."

"I have already," she replied after heaving a sigh.

"And?" he prompted.

"I'm not accepting it. But you could still take it up to Colin," she offered. "You just might have a chance with him."

"Did I not make myself clear when I said that Creevey is completely out of the question?" he drawled lazily, while looking revolted at the very thought.

How does he do that? Hermione wondered to herself. "Well, I don't think Harry's got a date yet."

Malfoy smirked at her. "Oh, that, I understand. Potty could and, might as well, go with the Weasel. They will never catch anyone in time for the Dance."

"That's a little bit of too much hope, is it?" Hermione asked him warily. "Malfoy, if you really want to gain House Points for Slytherin, you could go out with a Ravenclaw. They seem to be enamoured by you. At least, some of them seem to be," and with that, she let her gaze fall at three Ravenclaws batting their eyelashes at Draco Malfoy at the other side of the corridor whom Draco did not seem to be noticing.

"Where's the fun of the chase?" he asked in a reasonable tone.

"You want a chase?" Hermione repeated.

"Yes."

"Well, then, you could go with a magical creature. How about a flobberworm? Or maybe, if you're into regal looking creatures, you can have a unicorn, that's sure to give you some sort of chase. Or for best effect, you could turn up with a ferret."

Malfoy scowled at her. "Your attempt at humor is not appreciated."

"I'm not trying to humor you, Malfoy," she asserted, curbing a grin off her face. "What I'm doing is giving you alternatives. Now, if you're still not satisfied, go to someone else. I have better things to do."

"Like wallow in self-pity for having to turn me down?" he shouted as she turned her back from him. "I won't allow you to do that! I'll continue pursuing you!"

"No, thank you!" was Hermione's curt reply, looking back at him before continuing on.

******************

"Let's do this again, Goyle," Draco heard Pansy say as he entered the Slytherin Common Room. "Why are you taking Muggle Studies?"

"I need to learn more about Muggles," said Goyle, struggling to get the words out of his mouth.

Pansy's arched brows went upwards. "Why?"

"I don't know. Do you?"

Draco choked on his laughter. The Malfoys were a cunning, vicious, ruthless race. They have in them what it takes to completely waddle in the pond of absolute evil. Laughing at his sidekick's own stupidity did not add anything good for the reputation.

He showed himself. "What seems to be the problem?"

Pansy shot him a wearied look. "Goyle is having trouble with Muggle Studies."

"Why'd he take the subject in the first place?"

She shrugged. "It was probably the only subject that didn't sound difficult to him."

"What is it that gives him difficulty?" he asked.

"Wait!" said Pansy, an unbelieving expression on her face. "You're going to help him? In Muggle Studies?"

"Yes."

"That's very unlike you, Draco," she said. "What are you going to do?"

"Suddenly," he said in a slightly-annoyed voice. "Even my own evil minions suspects my every little bit of good deed."

That bit of drama did not work for Pansy. She stared at him, hard and long. "You really are up to something, aren't you? Why don't you let us in on the fun? Is it about the Mudblood?"

Draco blanked out. Should anyone actually be in on the fun except him? And the case is, he's not even in on the fun just yet... "What do you think?" he hedged.

"Yes."

Shifting from affectionate-Draco to normal-Draco, he said, "Well, you could speculate all you want. What is mine is mine alone. What yours is, we'll see about that but on a general basis, it's mine, too."

Pansy rolled her eyes, too used to Draco's shifting moods and his tongue. She shoved the Muggle Studies book off her lap and said to him, "Since you're here now, you can help Goyle, here. He and you should spend quality time together." With that, she left for the Girls' Dormitories.

Draco sat at the lounge chair that Pansy vacated and stared at Goyle for some time. "Where's Crabbe?" he asked.

"Kitchens. He was hungry," grunted Goyle, leafing through the pages of his book, which he got from the floor.

"That's no surprise. So, where did you and Pansy leave off?" he asked, taking the book from Goyle.

"Muggle clothes."

He fingered through the Table of Contents and found the page for Muggle Clothing. "Here. It says that Muggles don't wear robes outside their houses." He looked up at Goyle, who didn't seem to be paying attention. "Do you think that you could keep that in mind?"

"Yes. Muggles don't wear clothes." Goyle sounded so convinced of himself that Draco had to check the passage he read a few moments earlier. "No, Goyle. They do wear clothes."

Goyle looked like he thought Draco was off his rockers. He went on to defend his statement. "But Draco they don't wear robes. If you see me not wearing robes, then I'm naked!"

Draco grimaced at the picture Goyle presented him. Now, he was confident that Crabbe and Goyle should always be together. They don't seem as to be this stupid when they're together. They support each other.

"Goyle, they're muggles. That's the reason why some of our kind take Muggle Studies. Wizards live differently from them so you can't go around comparing our lifestyles with them."

He didn't seem to be able to take all of that information in.

"Let's do this slowly, all right?" he asked, after heaving a huge sigh. "Repeat after me. Muggles are different from wizards."

"Muggles are different from wizards."

"Muggles are not like wizards."

"Muggles are not like wizards."

"Muggles don't wear robes."

"Muggles don't wear robes."

That seemed too easy, thought Draco to himself suspiciously. "Now, Goyle, what do Muggles wear?"

"Nothing."

His face fell. And that, folks, brings us back to zilch.

"Draco," Goyle called. "I don't think this is working."

Rather astute of him, isn't it? "Goyle, I think I know someone who could help you. But first, we need to get her convinced."

He looked confused but that was all right. If his face showed any comprehension at all, Draco was sure he'd have apoplexy.

*********************

"Hermione!" Ron called as he entered the Gryffindor Common Room, Harry by his side. "We missed you at dinner. Where've you been?"

"Oh, I didn't notice the time. I was at the library, didn't I tell you? I was doing research for a homework in Ancient Runes."

"Right. Well, you left this with Harry." He handed her the list he made.

Hermione took the paper, looked at it, and brought out another piece of parchment from her bag. "Here. This time, you read."

Ron read it, while Harry peered behind him (no small task, since Ron was considerably taller than Harry was).

List of Things to Say to Ron when He Shows his List

1. No, Ron.

2. It would be better if you use your time doing homework instead of thinking of ways to annoy Malfoy.

3. He will not listen.

4. Ron!

5. Ron, I am not saying anything under the second part!

Ron looked up disappointedly. "Does this mean that you adamantly refuse to even say a few words of my list to Malfoy?"

Hermione, then, started to point out that it was alright with her except that the second part was too obnoxious for her tastes when Ron reconsidered, "I guess the first part is nice but the other sounds a lot better."

"No, Ron."

"Please, Hermione," said Ron imploringly. "How about if you try it one time? You know, with me and Harry, your bestest best friends in the world, as spectators."

She gazed at him, mind in a jumble of "no way's", "I don't think so's" and "you are being annoying" when she heard herself say in a resigned voice, "Okay."

"Thanks," he gave her a toothy-grin. "I just know that you love me, 'Mione."

She shook her head at him, amused. "What's wrong Harry?"

"I was just thinking. Malfoy's acting odd. And his father is in Azkaban serving his sentence for being a Death Eater. Do you think it's got something to do with that?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Harry, scrutinizing him. "What do you mean? That Malfoy could be, like, part of a Junior Death Eater's Club or something?"

"Could be. Voldemort"--Ron flinched--"could be organizing a new army since his Death Eaters, at least those I named, are now in Azkaban. He is, after all, planning to come back."

"So, Malfoy must be doing this as something of a task to You-Know-Who," said Ron.

"No, I don't think so," said Hermione after a few moments of thinking the situation through. "If that were the case, wouldn't he have commenced his plan earlier this year? And he keeps drawing attention to himself. That isn't exactly what an effective minion of the dark does."

Harry frowned. "Sometimes, Hermione, you make me feel so daft."

Silence, then. No one knew what to say.

"What are we going to do with these lists now?" asked Ron after some time, eyeing the two pieces of parchment laid on the table where Hermione was doing her work.

"We could just leave them here," said Hermione, packing her things. "I'm beat. I want to lie in bed and sleep. Those lists will go unnoticed. And anyway, I'll be up early tomorrow to continue this Arithmancy homework. Maybe caffeine will revitalize me."

Harry and Ron agreed and they said their goodnights.

TBC.