Shadow

This story is told by a fairy. As you know, fairies are very tiny creatures, so, naturally, their stories are miniscule. This tale is an especially long one for a fairy, so do not be surprised whenever it comes to a sudden halt. Like now.

* * * * ** * * * *

Sorry about that, but she had to stop for a breather.

Are we ready now? Good. So, this story is small. But you must remember that even though something is very, very small, doesn't mean it's not big, do you see?

Now, this adventure has happened before. And it will happen again. But this time it happened in London.

Actually, it happened before in London. Twice. At the same house. At the same window. Peter has a very good memory when it comes to directions (he can tell you his address easily) but not when it comes to remembering other things. Such as...such as...

*......**....**......*

Have you caught your breath back Tink? Alright. Don't let it run off again.

Such as: All children grow up. Except one. So you see, we're not really sure whether he meant to come back to the same window, because we're not really sure if he remembered what happened before. He has so many adventures; it must be hard to keep track of them all.

Now we can begin the story. It starts at that place between sleep and awake...that place where you still remember dreaming...

*

* * * *

*

"Jane? Jane I have come for you!"

Lily woke in her bed with a start at the sound of a boy--a boy?--in her room. One that most certainly should not have been there. She sat up, clinging to her duvet.

"Who's there?" she asked shakily, squinting in the dim light of her nightlight on the wall, making out a shape.

"It's me Jane! Peter!" came the eager voice from the shadows. "Are you awake? I can't see you--where's Tink?"

Your body's warm but you

* are *

* not *

You give a little, not

* a *

* lot *

*

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

It could be love until

* we *

* kiss *

You're all I want but not

* like *

* this *

*

Downstairs, Jane Evans sat near the fireplace, absently fondling an acorn that hung on a chain around her neck. Her mother had given it to her when she was very small. Her fingers gently caressed the chink in the smooth form of the nut...supposedly from an arrow fired by a 'Lost Boy'...

"Jane, sweetheart? Are you alright?" Jane turned to her concerned husband, as she realised she had been crying. His flaming red hair glowed in the dim light, turning it copper.

"Yes, Alex, I'm alright." He knelt down beside her, and she leaned against him, clinging to his arms that wrapped around her. "I was just...thinking." He kissed her softly on the cheek, and murmured into her hair.

"Happy thoughts?"

She whipped her head around in astonishment, believing for a split second that he meant...but no. He was just whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He didn't know--she'd told him, but it was just a girlish fantasy.

Silently, she nodded and turned in his arms. Relinquishing the acorn, she ran her hands through his hair, noticing as she did so that it was no longer copper coloured, but had regained some of its carroty colour in the added light. Where was the new light coming from? Her gaze wandered over the room, resting on a fairy that was flying around the sofa.

"Tinkerbell!" she screamed, scrambling to her feet. Alex jumped up after her, trying to sooth her.

"Jane, what is it? What's wrong?" Jane stared at him, terrified.

"Peter," she breathed, before dashing up the stairs, Alex right behind her. "Petunia! Lily!"

I'm watching you disappear

* * But you * *

You were never here

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

"You see, it easy! You just think happy thoughts," Peter called happily as Lily circled the nursery in flight, laughing out loud.

"Oh, this is wonderful! Oh, Peter, thank you!"

"What was your happy thought?" he asked, taking her hands as they slowly came down to the carpet.

"Princesses, adventures...," she shrugged, smiling.

"Mermaids?" he asked slyly."

"Mermaids!" she cried, rising up into the air again.

"I could take you to see them, Lily! You and your brothers and sisters! I could--what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, as Lily began to drift downwards again. Her eyes were downcast.

"It sounds horrible to say, but could we...could you...could you just take me to the mermaids?"

"Of course!" he agreed carelessly. "Don't you have any brothers or sisters then?"

"I do," she said quietly, "but Petunia doesn't like me, very much. We're not friends. Maybe it's because she's older..." She looked up suddenly, worried. "How old are you Peter?"

"Quite young."

"You don't know?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know."

They smiled at each other, but Lily's wasn't as wide as it was a moment ago.

"Lily, what's wrong? Smile and I'll take you on an adventure to Never-Never-Land."

Slowly, she lifted her shining emerald eyes to meet his.

"Never-Never-Land?"

"That's right. Dry your eyes, that's right, and I'll give you a kiss."

* * *

It's only your shadow

* * Never yourself * *

*

It's only your shadow

Nobody else

*

*

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Jane, Jane slow down, stop!" Alex grabbed her by her shoulders at the top of the stairs. "What's wrong?" Instead of an answer, a fairy by the name of Tinkerbell flew up to his face and gave him a saucy curtsey, before flying off into his youngest daughter's bedroom. He stared at the trail of glittery dust she left behind, shaking his head.

"What...how...huh?" he looked at his wife in bewilderment.

"A fairy," she said. He jolted.

"But there's no such thing as--" She clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say that!"

"Mum? Dad?" Jane and Alex turned and saw eleven-year-old Petunia plod out of her bedroom, sleepily. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, darling," Alex said, scooping her up. "Come on, back to bed."

"Who's in Lily's room?" she yawned. Alex froze.

"What did you say, Pet?"

"I thought I heard someone," she mumbled into his shoulder. "A...boy..."

Jane tuned and bolted to the nursery.

* *

*

It only your shadow

Filling the room

*

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

Lily fingered the thimble uncertainly.

"Do you like it?" Peter asked. "Do you like my kiss?"

She nodded happily, thinking she's never seen anything so sweet in all the nine years she's been alive. She followed him over to the open window.

"Do you live alone Peter?"

"No, I live with the Lost Boys," he said, inspecting his shadow on the wall. Lily frowned.

"But, but didn't they come back?" He jumped and faced her again.

"Where did you hear that?"

"My mother told me. She said that they came back with Grandma Wendy--"

"Wendy?" he rasped, taking a step towards her. She nodded earnestly.

"Didn't they come back, then?" she asked innocently. His face softened.

"They did. But boys fall out of their prams all the time. All of them come to Never-Land."

"Really?" she said excitedly. "So there are others?"

"Lots of others!"

"And Indians?"

"Yes!"

"And mermaids?"

"Of course! Come with me!" He pulled her over to the window. She stopped, resting her hand on the sill, suddenly unsure. Gently, he sat cross-legged

"Come with me, Lily," he whispered in her ear. The breeze from the open window moved her hair, tickling his face. "Come with me where we'll never, never have to think about sisters or grown-ups again."

She looked slowly around the nursery, and then turned to him.

"Never is an awfully long time," she whispered.

*

**

Arriving too late

Leaving too soon

* * *

Jane threw open the door and rushed into the room, Alex behind her, still carrying Petunia in his arms.

It would have been delightful to report that they reached the nursery in time.

But then, there would be no story, would there?

*

* *

*

Leaving too soon

* * * * * * * * * * *

~

*~*

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Peter, how do we get to Never-Land?" Lily cried as they swooped over the rooftops. "Where is it?" Peter took her hand and led her higher into the air. He pointed ahead.

"Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning."

Of course, Lily already knew that.

*~*~*

Your body gives but then holds back

*~*~*~*~*~*

Fairies are very small, so small that they can only hold onto one emotion at a time. This makes them very quick learners, as they are not easily distracted once they are concentrating. Tinkerbell had learnt, many years ago, and after some experience, that girls weren't actually a threat to her. Wendy had returned home, with the Lost Boys, and Peter and Tinkerbell had remained the best of friends. Then Jane had come and gone just as quickly, but other boys had fallen out of their prams, and had been taken to Never-Land, so companionship was never a problem. This new girl, Lily, would be gone and forgotten very soon, so Tink chose not to worry.

Instead, she flew ahead to Never-Land, and quickly found the Lost Boys, marching home from one of their adventures, dusty and covered in mud. In the old days, they would have been hurt, smiling and bloodstained, but since the pirates of the Jolly Roger had been defeated, there wasn't much need for bloodshed anymore. Tink intended to keep it that way.

"Lost Boys! Lost Boys!" she twinkled above them. The tallest, at the front, looked up with a grin, brushing his long dark hair out of his eyes.

"Look out, boys!" he shouted, grinding the procession to a halt. The little, chubby one at he back smacked into the back of the boy in front, and fell to the ground with a thump. "Tink's back!"

"Tink!" cried the boy behind him. "Where's Peter, Tink?"

"He's coming. He's brought a girl with him!" she sparkled.

A hush fell over the little group.

"A girl?" murmured the littlest one in disbelief.

"Yes, and you're not to harm her, do you understand? She's come to be a mother and tell you stories."

The three in front whooped and cheered, jumping up and down in delight at the thought of stories and a mother. The little one scrambled to his feet and pulled at the jacket of the blonde haired boy in front.

"What is it?" the taller one whispered.

"What's a mother?" The blonde boy chuckled.

"Silly! A mother is a...well, it's a...she does..." The boy frowned. "Tink, what is a mother?"

The little fairy shook her head. She settled herself on a branch of a bush and told the boys to gather round. They shuffled down on the ground and looked up at her with starry eyes. For the third time in her life, she explained what a mother was.

The sun is bright

* * * * * * * * * * *

The sky is black

"Come on, Lily, we're nearly there."

"Peter, I think I see the mermaids!"

"That's Mermaid Lagoon. I'll take you there. But first, let's go to the Home Under The Ground. The Lost Boys may have an adventure to tell you." Lily blinked.

"Home Under The Ground?"

Can only be another sign

I cannot keep what isn't mine

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Come on boys, hurry, into the trunk, hurry up!"

"Quick, tidy it up for the Mother!"

"I don't know how to tidy!"

"Neither do I. Just put it out of sight, or under the table or something."

"Of course. How silly of me."

"They're coming!" Tink sparkled. "Make yourselves ready!" Stuffing the last of the clutter into nooks and crannies, the four boys lined themselves up near the entrance to the Home, grinning and nudging each other. The tallest fidgeted excitedly at his buttons. He couldn't remember his own mother. But he did remember, from a night when Tink and Peter had taken him back to his window, seeing another boy in his bed, and a man turning out the light.

* *

Your laughter lives on

But you

You were almost gone

*

"Careful, Lily. That's right, come down here." Peter stood up proudly, holding Lily's hand. "Lost Boys, this is Lily, your new mother." Lily smiled and dropped a curtsey, as she had heard from the story that new mothers did. "Lily, these are the Lost Boys." Nothing happened. "Introduce yourselves, lads," he added. The boldest stepped forward and bowed quickly.

"Hello mother. I'm...I'm..." He spluttered into giggles and fell back into line. Lily's smile slipped, whilst Peter's disappeared completely. It's always a shame when first impressions are bad...they can linger on for years...

"Show obedience! Be respectful to your mother!" Peter shouted. Immediately, all were back on their best behaviour. The silly one stepped forward once again, running a hand through his messy black hair as he bowed again.

"I'm Prongs," he said. Lily nodded primly. The little chubby one stepped forward. Lily saw when he bowed that he had a long, straggly ponytail, like a rat's tail.

"I'm Wormtail," he told her. She smiled. The tallest stepped forward, bowed, and kissed her on the hand. Prongs looked put out.

"Padfoot," he said, smiling. Lily blushed and smiled furiously.

"I'm Moony," said the last, bowing. He tucked his hair behind his ears and gave her a radiant smile. Lily curtsied again.

"Pleased to meet you boys. Now," she said wickedly, looking at Prongs, as a thought struck her, "have you had your medicine?"

*

* *

It's only your shadow

Never yourself

It's only your shadow

Nobody else

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

It's only your shadow

Clearing the room

Arriving too late

Leaving too soon

And leaving too soon

*

"Come on boys," she said slyly, brandishing a thimble containing dew-drops. "Don't be scared."

"I'm not afraid!" Prongs said angrily, stepping forward. He opened his mouth boldly. Wormtail shuddered. Lily poured it down his throat. He coughed and spluttered and Lily dropped the thimble in surprise. The first of many for her in Never-Land.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Some days later...

"I'll show you the fairies in the morning," Peter whispered.

"No," Lily said firmly. "You've hurt yourself too badly. You shouldn't have flown so high, you wouldn't have fallen so hard. You'll rest. All of you," she added sternly at Moony and Padfoot.

"Yes, Mother," they chorused.

"You won't leave?" Peter asked earnestly. Lily looked downcast.

"Peter, we talked about this. I have to go ba--"

"No you don't!"

"Ssshhh," she said soothingly, smoothing his hair back gently. "I won't go anywhere, until you're safe and well."

He nodded, too tired to argue any longer, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Lily sighed in a motherly fashion and went over to check on the others. Wormtail had fallen asleep, having suffered nothing worse than a severe shock, and Prongs was bandaging his own arm.

"Here, let me," she said gently, kneeling down in front of him. He grinned sheepishly, running his hand through his already messy hair. She tied it gently, and for a moment they looked at each other in silence. Their shadows bounded around the walls in the dim glow of the firelight

"Did...do, um...I heard you say you wanted to see the fairies."

"Oh, yes, but Peter needs his rest."

"I could show you," he said softly.

*

* *

How can I tell if you mean what you say?

You say it so loud

But you sound far away

Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul

Was that your shadow I saw on the wall?

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Prongs, they're gorgeous," she breathed as she peered through the flowers at the scene. Hundreds of fairies had gathered there in the darkness, lighting the gloom with their fairy dust. It was a dance of some kind, in mid-air. All the little creatures were clad in gowns that shimmered and glittered as they twirled and sped about.

"Do you like them?" Prongs asked in a hoarse whisper. Lily nodded, too entranced for words.

Prongs gazed at her, completely entranced by Lily. She noticed, and turned to look at him. They held each other's eyes for a moment.

"Lily?" he whispered.

"Yes?" she breathed.

"Can I give you a...thimble?"

She nodded. He pressed his lips gently against hers.

"Lily?" he said when they parted.

"Mmm?"

"Will you stay?"

I'm watching you disappear

* But you *

* You *

* were *

* never *

* here *

"Prongs, I can't."

"Why not?" he demanded, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her.

"Because I have to grow up!"

"No you don't!" he cried desperately. "No, Lily! Stay here! Stay with me!"

She held his gaze for a moment, the tears cascading down her cheeks. For a moment it seemed she might have agreed, but then...

"I...I can't." she sobbed. She turned and ran through the forest, leaving him alone, despaired, and heartbroken.

*

* *

It's only your shadow

Never yourself

It's only your shadow

Nobody else

*

* * * * * * * * * * *

It only your shadow

Clearing the room

Arriving too late

*

* *

"No Mother, no!"

"You mustn't!"

"You can't!"

"Peter, stop her!" The Lost Boys turned to their leader in distress.

"She can't go, can she Peter?" Moony implored.

"If she wishes it," he replied dejectedly.

"If she wishes it?" Padfoot repeated incredulously.

"IF SHE WISHES IT!" he shouted back.

"No..."

"No Peter!"

"Lily, no!"

"No!"

* * * * * * *

No No No No

* * * * * * *

Lily did return. But this time, the Lost Boys did not follow their mother to their new homes, with proper mothers and fathers.

At least, not at first....

*

* * * *

It's only your shadow

Never yourself

*

Four years later...

"Look, look there's the train! That's the Hogwarts Express!" Lily pointed the huge locomotive out to her parents and Petunia, who was following sullenly at a safe distance.

"Alright, we see it darling!" Alex laughed at his youngest daughter's antics. "You better get on; it's leaving any minute now."

"Bye Mum! Bye Dad! Bye Petunia. I'll see you at half-term! Love you!"

* * * * * * *

It's only your shadow

Nobody else

* * * * * * *

Lily dragged her trunk along the aisle, stopping when two boys collided with her from the opposite direction.

"Watch where you're going!" cried the tallest in mock indignation.

"Oh, you're such children," she murmured crossly.

"Sorry," the boy said, not sounding sorry at all. He dragged his friend to his feet. Lily noticed he had the messiest jet black hair she's ever seen. He looked at her for a second.

"D'you want a hand?" He ran a hand through his hair, making it even worse.

She didn't really want his help, but she was stuck and she needed it so she let the two boys drag her trunk into the nearest free compartment.

"I'm James Potter."

"Lily Evans."

"Sirius Black," the tallest one offered, taking a bow and kissing her hand. She giggled, despite herself, and James looked miffed.

Two other boys appeared on the doorway. One was tall and looked tired, the other was chubby and looked wary.

"Do you mind?" the tall one asked. "Everywhere else is full."

* * * * * * *

It only your shadow

Clearing the room

* * * * * * *

Before you ask, no-one is exactly sure when. O even why. Or even who.

You see, they did not come back with Lily. They came after. They missed having a mother, so Tink took them back to find one.

But we're not sure who 'they' is. Prongs came back--he wanted to more than any of them, because of Lily--and he found a wonderful mother and father to adopt him. Padfoot followed Prongs--he'd follow him to the ends of the Earth. He found his window open, for some reason, and he found he had a younger brother: Regulus. And a real name: Sirius.

Moony went back, knowing he would have to anyway. His parents found him, and loved him, but his life was soon after forever marred when he stumbled across the path of a werewolf one night. It never would have happened if he had stayed in Never-Land.

Now, the question of Peter. It is entirely possible that Peter Pettigrew is really Wormtail, because if anyone would insist on taking his father's name, it would be Wormtail. But equally possible is the possibility that Peter Pettigrew is Peter Pan, for Wormtail would be the least likely to leave Never-Land.

The facts are these: One girl, four boys and a fairy arrived in the real world one winter. Within a week, all the children were claimed and tucked up in their beds.

Within six months, all were changed beyond recognition: one fattened up and weakened ; one cursed for the rest of his life; one an outcast in his family, a good surrounded by evil; one pampered and changed from a boy in love to an arrogant child; one no longer a mother but a hated little sister and a brave little girl.

Within a year, all had all but forgotten Never-Land. It was nothing more than a bedtime story.

And within fifteen years, three would be dead. One would be a traitor. One would be alone. And their story would be lost.

Could it be that the hero of childhood adventures would grow up to become the betrayer of the Potters, the filth of the wizarding world?

Could it be that The Boy Who Never Grew Up would become the enemy of The Boy Who Lived?

Who knows? Perhaps these are questions better left unanswered. Why should we shatter the story children love?

Why make them scared of the shadows?

* * * * * * *

Arriving too late

Leaving too soon

* * * *

* *

*

Oh

It's only your shadow...

So the mystery of Peter lingers. One thing's for certain: there will always be Peter's story. One mother will tell it to her children, and they will tell it to their children. And so it will go on. For all children grow up. Except one.

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