Amid My Solitude

There were two citizens who fought
For years and years, and over nought;
They made life awkward for their friends,
And shortened their own dividends.
-- Edwin Arlington Robinson

When they walked into one of the empty rooms, near the stairway -- once the servants' rooms, now mostly used for storage or as guest rooms -- Tonks set her glass on the table, her back to him, and crossed her arms.

"What's going on?" he asked, coming forward, but not quite all the way. She clearly didn't want him that close to her, and he was exceptionally good at body language, most of the time.

"How did you make out the teams?" she asked quietly. "Did you list them out beforehand?"

"I couldn't, I didn't know who could come. I mean, some of them -- mostly I just saw who was there. Why?"

"Did you know you were going to send Kingsley out with Arabella? And me with Fletcher?"

"Well, I knew I could trust -- Tonks, what are you getting at?"

"Snape," she said, biting off the end of the word viciously. "You're taking Snape."

"Well, Kingsley doesn't trust him, Arthur couldn't control him, you slapped him, Fletcher and Bill both hate him, and Dumbledore asked for McGonagall. Besides, I needed someone I can trust with Fletcher." He crossed his arms, and bowed his head. "Is that a problem?"

"Well, Kingsley asked for him specifically because he doesn't trust him, and I rather thought I'd be going along with you. And I don't think your random distribution of towns was all that random," Tonks added. "I think you saved the one Snape's got his hopes pinned on, for yourself."

"I'm not going to send anyone out to do a thing I wouldn't do myself."

"First rule of leadership."

"For a reason."

"Stupid reason."

"Don't let's fight, Tonks," he said, moving forward. She shrugged out of his grasp when he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Believe me, if it's a choice between a weekend with you and one with Severus Snape, I'd jump for you in a heartbeat. But I've got to do this. I'm not allowed to let anything I think or feel get in the way."

"You never do anyway," she said, crossing her arms. "That's your tragedy, Remus. You divide things up so finely into little boxes that you can't see anything but the divisions."

"That's not fair, Tonks."

"I never claimed I was fair," she rejoined, harshly.

"No, but I never thought you were cruel, either."

She laughed, bitterly. "Cruel? Cruel is..."

He waited patiently. Finally she put her hands to her face, and sighed. "You wouldn't understand anyway."

"I think that's assuming a lot."

"I don't want reasons, Remus! I know the reasons! I don't want explanations or rational, logical proofs as to why you have to go to Little Hangleton with Severus Snape! I want you to make sympathetic noises and say you're sorry and promise you'll never do it again, even if we both know you will."

He gazed at her, utterly confused. "Why?"

"I said you wouldn't understand. Because that's what I want, I can't explain it. That's what b -- "

She stopped, suddenly, and turned away. "It's what people do. For each other. I don't want logic, Remus. I want comfort."

"I tried to comfort you," he said haplessly. "I did say let's not fight -- "

"After feeding me all sorts of rationality that I don't want to hear!"

"My god, what on earth am I supposed to do?" he asked, spreading his arms. "Tonks, I don't want to fight with you! I don't want to go out there along with a former Death Eater, you know! I don't like it! But I have to do it!"

"This isn't about Snape!"

"You could have bloody fooled me!"

"You just stood there and casually tossed out names, like you'd just thought it up on the spot -- "

" -- most of them I did, once I saw who was there! -- "

" -- and like the fact that you were sending me out with Mundungus Fletcher to face who-knows-what, without even looking at me..."

"What, did you want me to kiss you while I said it?"

She was silent, and he felt shame creep over him; this wasn't fair to either of them, but especially to her.

"I just wanted to know that you thought more of me than just another soldier, that's all," she said, after a moment or two.

He crossed the space between them and caught her as she turned, his hands on her cheeks, one sliding down her throat as he kissed her, against her struggling, until she finally gave in.

"No one in the Order is just another soldier," he said, against her lips. "And you are not just anyone. You know that. My god, Tonks, the things I've told you -- the things I've let you do -- "

"It'd be nice to hear it, that's all," she whispered, her hands rising to cover his, to pull them away. He leaned back, slightly.

"What do you want me to say? I'll say it," he said. "Do you want me to -- "

" -- no. I just wanted to know that you would," she interrupted.

"That makes no sense."

"I'm not interested in making sense."

He let her move his hands down her body, until they rested on her hips; then he pulled her closer.

"I have to be one man for you, and one for the Order," he murmured. "You have to understand that, Tonks."

"Which one's the real one?"

"Can't they both be?"

"Only if they both care. About me. And I don't care if that's selfish."

He breathed deeply, and kissed her hair when she rested her head on his collarbone.

"This is where we start hurting each other, isn't it?" he asked.

"It could be."

"I hate this part."

"Shut up," she said, and he felt the vibration of her speech on his skin. "Just don't talk anymore, all right?"

"All this anger over Severus Snape?" he said, ignoring her request. "He's not worth it, Tonks. Dora," he added, and he felt her snort of laughter.

"You really are wonderfully oblivious sometimes," she said, reaching up to run a hand through his hair, as she'd done with the cloud in Galileo's.

"Everyone keeps saying that," he sighed.

"And now you can stop talking, like I told you to."

"Dora," he murmured, into a kiss that was fast threatening to cut off his air supply. But he didn't speak again until she released him, and stepped back.

"I should get some rest. Early morning tomorrow. You should, too."

"Yes, I've got to tour the countryside," he said, in the mimicry of Snape's tones which always made her smile.

"I know it's unreasonable, Remus," she said quietly. "I know it doesn't make sense and it's not what a good Auror would say. But you don't employ me as an Auror." Her fingers lifted a stray lock of hair off his forehead. "You're my...friend. And it's strange to me when I see you giving orders like that. That's all."

She pulled away, just a little; he followed her to the door, and back into the loud, laughing crowd of Order members, who were already making plans for the following day.

***

As promised, Snape arrived sharply at eight, and Remus was waiting; he initialed their names on the map, gave a farewell salute to Fred and George, and walked out into the front yard of 12 Grimmauld Place.

"You've been," Remus said. "I'll follow you there."

Snape nodded, curtly, and Disapparated, Remus following a second later. It was always slightly bewildering, following someone to a place you'd never been, but he managed, and when he'd regained his footing, he saw that they were standing in a dusty, scrub-covered ditch, next to a paved road.

"This way to town," Snape said, still just barely avoiding Remus. They'd been two of the first to check out with Fred and George; Remus wondered if anyone else was having to put up with similar.

"It's a pretty sort of place, isn't it?" he asked, as they crested a rise and saw the town before them. Snape snorted.

"It has streets and houses enough," he replied.

"Strange to think about the Dark Lord's family living here."

"Generations of ruthless, worthless Muggles."

"I'm sure some of them were all right."

"You have a better view of human nature than I," he answered.

"Well, that's neither here nor there. The point is, there are worse ways to spend a Saturday."

"Than poking about a Muggle village for the most powerful Dark Wizard in a hundred years? Who, incidentally, would be happy to see you dead and probably would purposefully keep me alive if I were caught? Name three."

"Actually being dead, actually being caught, and having food poisoning," Remus said promptly.

"So gratified to know you prefer me to food poisoning."

"It's a slim margin."

"The feeling is mutual."

"I thought it might be," Remus said, kicking a stone as they walked. They were near the village now, and he could see the High Street, a large ornamental fountain at its end. "Shall we have a look round, first? Bit early to go to the pub but I bet we could pick something up if we stopped for breakfast."

"The graveyard is that way," was all Severus said in reply. Remus, who had not slept well enough to fight about it, simply followed.

"Reckon this is where it happened?" he asked, as they climbed the steep hill to the church. Snape looked around him, and stepped sideways, staring at the yew tree nearby.

"This was it," he said softly. "That night when he called us...this is where he wanted us to come. The night he came back."

Remus watched as Snape repositioned himself, climbing the hill a little, to turn and look out across the town.

"Something's missing," Snape murmured. "Missing from the picture."

Remus stared around him, eyes narrowing. Now that Snape said it, something tugged at the edge of his consciousness; as though there were a feeling that there was a thing, somewhere, was screaming 'don't look at me'.

It felt, he thought idly, the way James and Lily's house felt after it was destroyed. The lingering effects of the secrecy spell, wearing off now that the building was gone.

"Something there," Snape said, and pointed. There was a shimmering mirage above a grassy field, a whisper in the air. Remus squinted.

"It's a trap," Snape murmured. "Or it's abandoned. It wouldn't be so easy."

Because now, out of the air, a house was forming slowly; if they concentrated, they could see large, sprawling lines -- a rich house, nearly a mansion. Growing more solid by the minute.

"How on earth..." Remus said, as the last line shook and solidified. Snape took a few steps towards the house, circling downward towards the gate of the graveyard.

Remus, standing above him on the hill, glanced down at the gravestone next to him. It was cracked, and the bottom grown with moss. It bore quite a simple legend.

TOM RIDDLE.

"Let's check in with Fred and George," he said, cautiously. Snape nodded, and vanished without a word. A second later he was back, and Remus didn't bother to scold him for leaving a partner behind.

***

Inside the house, it was cool, and smelled of dust; they entered cautiously, wands out, Snape walking ahead. It was a sprawling place, that had once been richly decorated, and it reminded Remus of the Black house, before Molly's cleaning squad.

The smell of dust gave way to the scent of rancid food and rotting garbage, as they passed the kitchen; Remus leaned through the doorway, noting the spoilt food on the counter, the filthy dishes overflowing the sink. Someone had been here, and they hadn't cared to clean when they left.

There were smears of rusty brown on the floor. He reached out and tugged on Snape's sleeve, stepping into the kitchen.

"Blood," he said. "You can smell it."

"Bodies?" Snape asked, in a voice that was too calm to be quite believable. Remus opened a tall cupboard in the corner.

"I don't think so," he replied. "I think we'd know."

"Looks like they left in a rush," Snape commented, stepping calmly over the streaks on the floor, to investigate the counter.

"D'you think Voldemort was here?"

"I think so."

"Me too," Remus replied grimly. "Left after the fight in the Ministry, reckon?"

"Or shortly before. They had to have known someone would come looking for them. They've been gone long enough for the fruit to spoil," Snape said, with distaste.

"Let's look upstairs."

"Oh yes, do let's," Snape replied, sardonically, but he followed the other man up the creaking staircase.

"Do you suppose we haven't looked here before because of the secrecy spell?" Remus asked.

"Indubitably. I knew Dumbledore suspected the death of the caretaker was linked to the Dark Lord's rise, but..." Snape stopped at the top of the stairs, looking around at the dusty interior. "I can't imagine why he never investigated the place Frank Bryce was living in."

"Unless...it was hidden and warded..."

"Exactly." Snape stepped forward, pushing open a door, and for the Potions Master, the world went temporarily black.

***

Fred and George were working on new order forms for the business, heads bent over the desk, and Harry was monitoring the coins, as well as the map; a couple of the explorers had already floo'ed back, momentarily, to make reports.

"Coming on noon," Fred said thoughtfully. "Feel like lunch, Harry?"

"Suppose so," Harry replied. "Bet if we wait a few minutes your mum'll check in."

George laughed. "Carrying something she just happened to pick up on the way back."

"Bet you a sickle Remus does it too," Fred put in.

There was a thudding noise, and the flames in the fireplace burst into a brilliant array of colour, before slowly revealing two people, who tumbled onto the enormous hearth.

"Told you -- " Fred began, but Harry had stood so fast his chair fell over, and George, who was closest to the fireplace, was already moving forward.

Remus Lupin, cheek smeared with ash, arms supporting an unconscious Severus Snape, grinned up at them.

"Funny fact," he said, as George and Harry helped him drag Snape onto the carpet. "Did you know the Riddle house is hooked up to the Floo network illegally?"

"What happened?" Fred demanded. "Did he try to attack you?"

"Did you have to hit him?" George added.

"Again?" Harry asked.

"That was Tonks, and no, he didn't do anything," Remus sighed. "Except walk through a booby-trapped door."

"Dumbledore's NEVER going to let him teach Dark Arts now!" Fred crowed.

"He's been out for about three hours. He was bleeding pretty badly, I didn't want to move him until I'd got him under control," Remus said. "That's not all."

"What else?" Harry asked. Remus reached into the bag Snape had carried, and pulled out a shining white skull. The boys' amused expressions faded.

"Whose is it?" Fred asked softly.

"I suspect, the caretaker's," Remus replied. "I left the rest of the bones there, but I thought Dumbledore ought to see it. There are..." he coughed. "Well, there are advanced spells for this sort of thing. You need the skull."

There was a loud crack outside the window, and Harry ran to look. "It's Tonks and Fletcher," he called. "And Mrs. Weasley and Moody."

"Has she got lunch?" George asked. Remus gave him a scolding look. "Well, I don't stop being hungry just because Severus Snape's not bright enough to knock first."

"If I'd been nearer the door, I would have done the same thing, George," Remus replied. "Harry, help me take him to his -- "

"Tonks doesn't look so good," Harry said, backing away from the window, and running to the front door of the mansion. Remus froze.

Light spilled in as Harry threw the door open, and Remus stayed, crouched over Snape, as Molly's voice became audible, questioning, soothing. He watched Fletcher and Molly back through the doorway, and heard with a nearly physical sense of relief when Tonks answered them.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," she said. "Molly, really. Just let me get to a chair."

"Listen to the woman, Weasley," came Mad-Eye's voice. The pair of them walked in together, Tonks limping slightly. Her clothes were powdered in white, and there were bits of splintered wood in her hair, not to mention a truly spectacular bruise developing on her jaw.

"What on earth happened to -- " Molly stopped, suddenly, as she saw Remus, crouching near the unconscious Snape. "Well, for crying out loud."

Tonks turned too, and blinked. "Did you fall through the ceiling too?" she asked.

"The ceiling?" Remus asked in reply. "You fell through a ceiling?"

"Actually it was a floor...well, I thought it was a floor..." she limped to a chair and accepted a bag of ice from one of the twins. "Ta, Fred. Molly, it's all right, I'm okay. Embarrassed, but that's nothing new..."

"You fell through a ceiling?" Remus repeated.

"Constant vigilance!" Mad-Eye Moody declared.

"I wasn't expecting the architecture to attack me," answered Tonks, a trifle sarcastically.

"Should have done. S'what happened to Snape, innit?" Moody asked. Remus, pulling himself away from the 'fell through a ceiling' concept, nodded.

"He walked through a booby-trapped door," he sighed. "Believe me when I say that spending three hours on the floor of the former headquarters of the Dark Lord, trying to stop the bleeding, is not the way to spend a Saturday morning. Although," he reflected cryptically, "it still beats food poisoning."

"So you found something?" Tonks asked, leaning forward. Plaster dust cascaded off her. Molly tsked.

"You ought to change and see to yourself first," she said severely.

"I'm just bruised," Tonks said dismissively. Remus was still watching her. "What happened? Should we go have a look?"

"You're not going anywhere," Fletcher put in. "She didn't half give me a fright, Lupin. 'I'll have a look around upstairs' says she, and the floor gives way and all I can think is 'Well, I guess she found the fastest way down'."

Tonks made a sound that was suspiciously like a giggle.

"Lupin..." Mad-Eye said, thoughtfully, looking at the table. "You want to tell us whose skull that is?"

Remus straightened, and sighed. "Mobilicorpus minimus," he murmured, and Snape rose into the air. "I'll get him settled. Then I want to hear about the ceiling," he added, as he moved Snape out of the room.

"Not more than we want to hear about the skull," Mad-Eye replied.

He heard them talking in quiet voices, as he pushed Snape down the hallway towards his room, and dropped him onto the bed. He was fairly sure he'd at least started the healing on most of the man's injuries; he wasn't a Healer, but he knew a trick or two of the trade. It'd been a long time since he'd seen that much blood.

When he returned, Mad-Eye was holding the skull, poking his fingers into the eye-sockets curiously; Tonks was picking bits of wood out of her hair, and the twins and Harry were bent over the lunch that Molly had, indeed, brought back with her. Mundungus Fletcher could be heard crashing about in the kitchen, and Molly was sitting on the edge of the sofa, next to Harry.

"Put it down," Remus said tiredly, and Mad-Eye set the skull back on the table. "I think it belongs to Frank Bryce."

"To who?" Tonks asked.

"He was caretaker at the Riddle house. He disappeared just before the last Quidditch World Cup. Dumbledore took it as part of a sign that the Dark Lord was being resurrected."

"Doesn't do us much good now," Mad-Eye grunted.

"It might, at some point." Remus leaned on the table in front of Tonks. "Now. Tell me about the ceiling."

She stopped in the middle of pulling another bit of wood out of her hair, and dropped it into the small pile of splinters in her hand.

"We asked around," she sighed. "Turns out the orphanage Tom Riddle grew up in was closed a couple of years ago. Fire hazards. Plus they said that they don't call them orphanages anymore."

"Group Foster Homes, whatever that means," Fletcher said, putting his head through the doorway.

"Right...but there wasn't anything else in town to see -- well, one thing, but..." she shrugged. "We went up to the orphanage and had a look around. I said I'd see about the upstairs. I left Mundungus -- there were some files still in the office, I thought maybe we could find something out."

"Next thing I know, there's an almighty crash, and down she comes in a shower of rubbish," Fletcher put in.

"The floor was wood-beam and stucco. The wood had rotted away and the rest wouldn't hold my weight. Did break my fall though," she added cheerfully. "I've had worse."

"And you're all right? No broken bones?"

"Nah. I'll put a heating charm on my blanket tonight, keep me from stiffening up. I'm fine, Remus. Really."

He nodded, and realised that both Mad-Eye and Molly were looking at him oddly. He cleared his throat.

"You said there was something else...?"

"We found a Crinon," Fletcher said, carrying a bowl of stew into the room. He began to devour it, eating quickly but neatly as he talked. "It's a Muggle village, there's no wizarding going on there, so we thought it was a bit odd."

"A Crinon? In the middle of a Muggle village?" Molly asked.

"What's a Crinon?" Harry put in. Everyone looked at him; they'd forgotten he and the twins were still there. Now Remus saw that Fred and George were taking notes onto the map, and Harry was listening intently.

"I'd like to know too," George put in hastily.

"Crinon's Peculiar Fountain," Remus said distantly. "Mad-Eye, you know more about them than I do."

"Shame Snape's out cold, he knows the most," Mad-Eye said gruffly. "Tough trick to do. Not many wizards could manage it, even the experienced ones."

"It's a sort of potion, isn't it?" Molly asked.

"Oh aye. Tis water magic. Hardest sort," said Mad-Eye, rubbing his chin.

"When it's done right, it still looks like water. Only the water's made itself into a fountain. It's constantly re-cycling and cleaning itself," Remus said. "So if you have enough water to fill the bottom of a fountain, and you build the potion around the thing itself, it'll look like you've got a clean-running fountain. Without water pipes, or even a pump."

"When in fact it's the same water over and over, until someone stops it. Or until the water's gone," Mad-Eye added.

"And there are charms to keep that from happening," Tonks added. "Which this one had."

"What's something like that doing in the middle of a Muggle town?" Harry asked.

"That's a good question," replied Tonks. She brushed at the plaster on her robe. "What'd you find?" she asked, but Remus was thinking back to the walk into town. They'd seen the High Street, and at the end had been a large, ornamental fountain...

"Remus?" Molly asked.

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "We found...hm. The grounds of the old Riddle House. The whole thing had been under a secrecy spell, but it was already fading by the time we got there. We were standing in the...erm, in the graveyard," he said, glancing at Harry, who nodded slowly. "We went up to investigate the house...there's blood and spoilt food in the kitchen, and a magical trap on the upstairs room. Some sort of curse -- Severus walked in and something mauled him. By the time I'd stopped it..." he shrugged. "I stopped the bleeding. It took a couple of hours to get him safe to floo back. I tried the hearth in the room -- an illegal connection to the floo network. Clever charm, really..." he trailed off.

"What about Yorick there?" Tonks asked.

"Who?" Molly asked.

"The skull."

"There was a closet..." Remus said slowly. "I poked around a bit while Severus was healing..."

"You could have been mauled too," Molly said angrily.

"I took all the necessary precautions, Molly," replied Remus, calmingly. "The bones were in a closet. They're not...it's not natural for bones to be this clean. I think..." he paused. "Listen, I think whoever it was, they were -- they were fed to something."

The faces around him were pale. Mundungus Fletcher put down his bowl of stew, and pushed it away slowly. The twins looked slightly green.

"The snake," Harry said quietly. Molly turned to look at him. "I bet it was the snake."

"We've got to go back there," Mad-Eye said. "Who knows what else they left behind."

"I don't think -- " Molly began, but Remus shook his head.

"If only to defuse any other traps. Muggles can see the house again now. Won't be long before someone goes investigating. We need to find out who owns it, if it's a Muggle."

"Dangerous," Mad-Eye grunted. "I'm coming along."

"Then Molly's not going back to her area alone."

"There's nothing more to see," Molly sighed. "Dead end."

"You're sure?"

"Never saw a less magical place in my life," Mad-Eye confirmed. Remus rubbed a hand over his face, tiredly.

"I need to eat," he said finally. "Then we'll go back. Molly, will you stay here and look after Severus?"

"Of course, the poor man," Molly said. Fred snorted.

"Tonks, stay put. Have Molly take a look at you. See a Healer if you have to," he said.

"No fight here," she replied. "The longer I sit the more I feel like I got run down by a hippogriff."

He smiled, and reached out to pull one last piece of rubbish out of her hair. "Get yourself a wash."

"Boss' orders," she said, with a grin at Harry and the twins as she rose. "When you go back, let Mad-Eye go first," she continued. "He's got into the habit of surviving."

"So've I," Remus replied. "Don't worry, we'll be safe."

She leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, much to his embarrassment and surprise. "Don't fall through any ceilings," she said affectionately.

***