Only Time

Chapter Twelve

James walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts with his friends one day in late November. Professor Patterson had told them last lesson that they would be learning about the Patronus today, and James was rather nervous. Remus had told him that a Patronus was very hard to conjure, and James didn't know how well he'd do.

Once inside the classroom, James sat down in his normal desk, Sirius, Remus, and Peter assuming their usual seats. A few stragglers came in just before the bell rang, and as they sat down, Professor Patterson stood up.

"Hello class," he said quietly, but the room was silent enough that everyone could hear him. "Today I'll be teaching you about the Patronus. It's not normally in the course schedule for any year, both because it's a hard spell and because it's not often used, so the school board decided that it didn't need to be taught anymore. But we're in a war right now, and Voldemort has the Dementors on his side. Learning a Patronus could save your soul. You all know what a Dementor is, correct?"

Professor Patterson looked at them expectantly, but as James looked around, he could see a few that were shaking their heads. Patterson obviously noticed them too, because he asked Remus to explain.

"Dementors are hooded creatures without souls that feed on your good memories so that whenever you're in their presence, you can only remember the worst experiences of your life," Remus said, and James saw a couple people shiver at that.

Patterson nodded. "Dementors also have another bad weapon, aside from sucking out your good memories. They can also suck out your soul through your mouth. It's called the Dementor's Kiss, and whoever's had it done to them just...doesn't have a soul anymore. They still live, their heart still beats, but there's no life, no personality anymore."

At this explanation, James saw one of the Slytherins looking a bit sick, and James felt the same way himself. How awful would it be to live without your soul...well, you probably wouldn't notice, because you wouldn't have a soul anymore, James reasoned.

"But there's one known defense against a Dementor," Patterson continued, "and that's the Patronus. Does anyone know exactly what it is?"

To no one's surprise, Remus the Defense expert raised his hand again, and Patterson nodded to him. Lowering his hand, Remus said, "It's a barrier, made up of a strong good memory, against the Dementor."

Patterson nodded. "It works against Lethifolds too, but you're more likely to encounter a Dementor than a Lethifold, and Dementors are really the greater danger because there's more of them around, and they can keep you trapped within your own worst memories. A Patronus is a positive force made of up feelings like hope and happiness, but it can't feel despair, so Dementors can't feed on it. Not everyone can summon a Patronus, and trying to do so while in the presence of a Dementor just makes it harder. Therefore we will first do it without a Dementor, then with one."

James blinked. "Professor, there aren't any Dementors in the school, are there?" he blurted out, then blushed as everyone looked at him.

Patterson shook his head. "No, there are no Dementors in the school, nor would I bring one near here. We'll be using a boggart. They turn into Dementors when they see me, and I'll be able to control it far better than I would a real Dementor."

James shivered. He'd never met a Dementor, of course, so he didn't know what they were really like, but now hearing about what they did, and that an amazing teacher like Professor Patterson was afraid of them above all else...he didn't think he would like them.

Patterson looked around the room and smiled crookedly. "Well, let's get started then. The incantation for the Patronus is 'Expecto Patronum.' Does everyone have that?"

The class nodded and murmured 'Expecto Patronum', then Patterson had them take out their wands.

"Remember, don't be discouraged if you don't get it on your first try," Patterson cautioned them as they pulled their wands out. "Just concentrate on a very happy memory. Now go on, try it."

Dubiously, James looked at his wand, held it out, and said, "Expecto Patronum." But after all Patterson's reminders that not everyone could do it, James was understandably surprised when a jet of silvery fog rushed out of his wand. He looked around, but could only see two other people who managed to get it on their first try, Lily and Snape, and neither of them had managed to get more than fog either.

"Good job James, Lily, and Severus," Patterson said, and the class looked up at him again. He was smiling at James, who hesitantly smiled back.

"Professor, is it supposed to look like that?" Lily asked. "Just a load of fog, I mean?"

"A full-fledged Patronus has a corporeal form, but I wasn't expecting any of you to get that on your first try. It took me months before I could, and I wasn't even faced with a real Dementor at the time," Patterson explained, and James felt a bit more relieved, though he definitely wanted to work on his Patronus and make it corporeal.

"Every Patronus is unique to the wizard that cast it," Patterson went on, "so none of yours will likely look like any other. A Patronus generally has a special meaning to its caster, because, whether consciously or subconsciously, that person sees the form his or her Patronus takes as a guardian. But you really have to want the Patronus to appear for it to come. If even the smallest part of you holds back, then the Patronus won't appear."

Lily nodded, then glanced at James and smiled. James smiled back, and decided that the next memory he chose would be when Lily had agreed to go out with him.

"Ready to try again?" Patterson asked, and a few people groaned, but they picked up their wands again and held them in front of them. "Go on, then."

This time James concentrated on how Lily sounded when she said yes to him, and how he felt afterwards, as he firmly said the incantation, and this time when the silvery fog rushed out, it flew upwards, spread its wings--wings?--and vanished before James could see what it was properly. He looked around again, and saw that this time it was only a few Slytherins and one of Lily's friends and Peter who hadn't managed to get any fog, but no one else managed to get any clearer shape, except James.

"Good job, James!" Patterson said, and James looked up at him, smiling. "Did you manage to see what shape yours took?"

Regretfully, James shook his head. "I saw that it had wings, though," he offered.

Patterson nodded, then looked around at the rest of the class. "All right then. Keep working on it, though some of you might want to choose happier memories, as those don't seem to be working as well for you."

Again, cries of "Expecto Patronum!" echoed out into the room, soon followed by Peter's triumphant shout when mist shot out of his wand, and a gasp and subsequent hard thump as Sirius sat down hard on the ground, and the rest of the class became silent as they craned their heads around to see what happened. James looked to see what had affected Sirius so strongly, then blinked and gaped.

Sirius apparently now had a full-fledged, corporeal Patronus. And if that wasn't surprising enough, it was a wolf--a werewolf to be precise. One that James, Sirius, and Peter had seen every month for the past two years. It was Moony. Sirius's Patronus was Moony. James tore his eyes away from the dazzling silver wolf to look at Remus, who was staring at it, wide-eyed. Slowly, Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, who wordlessly stared back at him from his seat on the floor.

As the silvery wolf Patronus faded away, Professor Patterson broke the silence by delicately clearing his throat, and Sirius jumped.

"That must have been one strong memory, Sirius," Patterson commented, and Sirius nodded. Patterson then turned to the rest of the class and said, "Now you see what a fully-fledged Patronus can look like. They don't normally stick around for long after they've been summoned unless there's a Dementor around, which is why that one faded so quickly. One more try for the rest of you, then we'll try it with the boggart-Dementor."

More shouts of "Expecto Patronum!" could be heard, with the exception of Sirius, who was staring straight ahead with a dazed look in his eyes, and Remus, who was still staring at Sirius before he slowly raised his wand and began casting his misty Patronus as well. James concentrated on the time Lily kissed his cheek after that Quidditch match, but his Patronus became no more distinct than it had been before.

After the last silvery mists had faded, Patterson held up a hand. "I don't know what your boggarts will turn into, but chances are they won't be a Dementor. Therefore to prevent the boggart from changing, I want all of you to go to the back of the room. You'll still feel the Dementor's effects, and any Patroni you cast will still be able to reach it, but you won't be in any danger from it, nor will it change to suit your fears. If you will all please move now?"

Standing up with the rest of the class, James moved to the back of the room, where he leaned against the wall, keeping his eyes at the front of the room, where Professor Patterson was bringing out a large suitcase from beneath his desk. He shoved it on top of the desk, looked up at the class, and nodded before opening the suitcase.

All of a sudden, the room became icy cold, and voices began fillings James's head as he saw a dark hooded and cloaked figure appear at the head of the classroom. He recognized Sirius's voice, detachedly telling him what his mother had done, then Sirius's voice again, panicked, telling him about sending Snape to the Whomping Willow. Remus's voice, screaming with pain as the transformations set in. Peter, hiding bruises from them when they met him at King's Cross one year, then, panicking, pleading with them to tell nobody.

As James drowned in his own memories, the rest of the class didn't appear to be faring especially well either. Lily had silent tears running down her face, Remus was deathly pale, and Sirius was biting his lip so hard that he'd bitten clean through it, blood slowly trickling out of his mouth and down his chin.

With an effort, James focused on his professor, who was standing in front of the Dementor, wand upraised, though he too was awfully pale. James looked around and saw that none of his classmates were making any efforts to summon their Patroni, and, he saw with growing horror, neither was their professor. The Dementor was slowly gliding towards him, but he just kept slowly stepping back towards the door of the room, his wand still upraised though no silvery mist was emitted from it. With dawning realization, James saw that it was going to have to be he who cast the Patronus, or no one would.

James pushed the image of a Remus bloody from self-inflicted wounds from his mind, replacing it with the memory of Remus after they had shown him their Animagus forms. He concentrated on the amazingly bright smile that had been on Remus's face, the tears of happiness running down his cheeks, though it was the first time since they had met that James had seen Remus cry. He pulled memories of nights playing in the Forbidden Forest in their animal forms from the depths of his mind, nights playing chess in the common room, going on kitchen raids, visiting Hogsmeade together; then, shoving it all to the forefront of his brain, he stepped forward and yelled, "Expecto Patronum!"

But it was two voices yelling the incantation, and two Patroni that burst out of two wands and glided to the Dementor. James recognized his own as the one with wings, and his brain processed the fact that it was a phoenix, but it was the other Patronus that caught his attention. The Patronus that looked amazingly like James himself in his Animagus form.

The cold disappeared as Patterson shouted "Riddikulus!" and shoved the boggart back into the suitcase, but James stood stock still. Not even the euphoria he felt as having a full Patronus could overcome his shock at seeing his Animagus form burst from his professor's wand and chase down a Dementor. Sirius, Remus, and Peter came up and stood next to him, and he looked at them, silently asking if they had seen what he had seen. As one, they nodded, then turned their attention to Patterson, who was shoving the suitcase back under his desk.

"You can return to your seats now," Patterson said, and silently James went back to his seat as everyone else in the class did the same. Patterson himself perched on the corner of his desk again.

"Whose Patronus was that other one?" One of the Slytherins asked, who had been in the far back and unable to see exactly what happened. "That stag?"

Patterson sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "That was mine," he affirmed, then shrugged apologetically. "I hadn't intended to use it, but since none of you were, I didn't see any choice. It was just coincidence that James cast the spell the same time I did." Then Patterson turned to James, smiling, but James still hadn't gotten over his shock yet, and didn't quite smile back. "Speaking of which, did you manage to see what yours was this time, James?"

James nodded hesitantly. "It was a phoenix, sir," he replied, and Patterson smiled more widely, and turned to the rest of the class.

"James was able to put aside the effects of the Dementor to find a memory strong enough, and with enough positive feelings, that he was able to cast a corporeal Patronus and turn back that Dementor. Twenty points to Gryffindor, James, and very good job."

This time James smiled, albeit a little shyly. "Thank you, sir," he said quietly as all the other Gryffindors smiled too, as these twenty points would put them in the lead for the House Cup.

Nodding, Patterson spoke again. "Now you've all seen a Patronus first hand, and what they're meant to do. For homework, I want you to write two rolls of parchment about the Patronus, due to me in one week." The bell rang, and the students gathered up their supplies before hurrying out of the room to their next class. James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter moved more slowly, because they had a free period next.

By silent agreement, they made it up to Gryffindor Tower without talking about their professor's surprising Patronus, but once they got back up to their dorm, it seemed they all started speaking at once.

"Quiet!" James snapped as babbling broke out, and a bit surprised--James hardly ever snapped at them, but they knew he was still very surprised--they quieted down, then slung themselves across Sirius's bed.

"Professor Patterson's Patronus is Prongs," Remus stated, and Sirius and James nodded, but Peter didn't look convinced.

"What if it was just a stag? Maybe it wasn't Prongs at all," Peter suggested, but Sirius shook his head.

"It was Prongs. No other stag looks completely like him, and I can recognize him a mile off," Sirius argued, and this time Peter didn't dispute it.

Peter sighed. "So what are we going to do about it?" he asked.

"It's not like we can do much about it," Remus said reasonably. "It's not like we can just go up to him and ask him why his Patronus is Prongs. He'd be sure to ask us who Prongs is, and we can't tell him that."

James nodded, but Sirius looked frustrated. "But how can our Defense teacher--someone who's only known us for a couple months--have a Patronus that looks exactly like James's Animagus form? It doesn't make sense!"

"He can't possibly know about you," Remus stated, and the others shook their heads emphatically. James knew he had never told anyone, and he was sure the others hadn't either. Remus sighed. "Then it's a real mystery how his Patronus could be Prongs, but it's one that we're not going to be able to figure out without more information. Let's talk about something else."

"Your Patronus is pretty neat," Peter told James. "A phoenix, huh? That's gotta be nice."

James half-smiled. "Well, it was rather unexpected," he said, "but I like it. I'd never realized that I thought of phoenixes as guardian-types."

"And your Patronus is Moony," Remus stated, looking at Sirius, who looked a bit uncomfortable. James was also rather surprised with that Patronus, since he didn't really think a werewolf was exactly the best protector around, but...James shrugged mentally just as Sirius shrugged physically. Your Patronus form is your Patronus form, James thought philosophically, and you don't choose it.

After a few minutes of silence, Sirius cleared his throat and asked, "What memory did you think of for that Dementor, James? It must have been something strong, to have worked so well."

James smiled, looking fondly around at his best friends--his brothers. "I thought of us, Sirius," James replied. "I thought of us playing around in the Forbidden Forest on the full moons, of when we first transformed, and how happy Remus was when we did." Here Remus looked a little embarrassed, but James went on. "I thought of nights in the common room, in the kitchen, in Hogsmeade. It was our friendship that's my happiest memory and strongest feeling. You guys are my brothers, you know." James looked around at them, a solemn expression on his face that the others echoed. "Marauders forever."

"Marauders forever," the other three repeated together, and they smiled.