The Tough Guide to Harry Potter

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Xnothing is what Rugi and Gwena write when they have no sensible entries for "X."  Sorry everyone, but our ingenuity has given out at this point.

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Yelling has been refined almost to the point of an art in HPFH.  We advise listening ahead of time to sample yells so you can differentiate by timbre and volume the meaning of the sounds you will be subjected to. 

Victorious yells hold a note of triumph.  This is to distinguish them from 

Jocular bellows, which are, essentially, raised voices with laughing undertones.

Shouts of rage are full-throated but with a sharp edge and generally come in pairs.

Shrieks of agony are torn from the throat and have a ragged uneven tone.

Screeches of irritation are issued stridently though the nose and jar the nerves.

Anguished wailing is an uneven, loud sound seasoned by hiccups, tears, and incoherent mumbling.

Passionate screams are of necessity uninhibited and probably involuntary.  The content and sound will be the loud yet breathless repeated invocation of someone´s name.

Carefully memorize the various styles.  No one should suffer the humiliation of mistaking for instance a shout of rage for a shriek of agony.

The Yule Ball, even in the absence of a Tri Wizard Cup or similar excuse, has finagled its way into a yearly slot on the Hogwarts social calendar.  This dance coupled with the accompanying heartaches and social machinations will bring much more strife in to the life of the attendees than the innocent occasion probably deserves.  There are also several rules that have been left unvoiced by canon and should be noted by the diligent.

1) Seventh year student are free to dance with teachers.  The assumption being, why ever would they want to?

2) The head boy and girl are required to attend or at least dance together.  Both parties will be surprised (and sometimes secretly pleased) by the information that their post comes with a date attached.

3) Romantic interludes take place in the garden.  This is to help embittered teachers bent on swiftly ending the fun.

The popularity of the ball with your tour guides, besides the obvious romantic possibilities, probably lies in the opportunity to go on at great length regarding the personal grooming of the female participants.  Brace yourself for a catalog of dresses and magical spells de toilette.  You may also need to take time out to admire Ron´s new dress robes, Draco´sgilt hair, or Harry´s/James´s still-not-under-control tresses.  If you are concerned regarding which robes to get, ask GinnyWeasley.  She has superb taste. Tourists intent on dancing should be aware that Noble Slytherins are, without exception, exquisite dancers.  See Severus Snape, Viktor Krum, all relationships, love, sex, dresses, and jealousy

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Zabini, Blaise´s gender has been left in canon as a mystery to tantalize your tour guides.   It is a testament to the power of names that your tour guides are willing to surmount any obstacle of ignorance to include this Potterian in their region.  We mention gender first because it is the single most important gage for the type of Blaise you will have to deal with.  Male Blaise Zabini fills the void left by Draco Malfoy´s abrupt conversion to respectability.  He is smarmy, nasty, and the president of the Death Eater Youth League.  Tours booked with a Sort of Good Draco may have, on occasion, a Sort of Good Blaise who will be a valued member of the Noble Slytherins.  You won´t need to think about him much though, since he will only be mentioned in passing as one of the bearable Slytherins.  The female Blaise Zabini is always a paragon of Noble Slytherinhood.  Wily and crafty with just enough ethics and cynicism to keep her from becoming a death eater, she makes a valuable if somewhat overbearing tour companion.  She will also have an entertaining sort of gallows humor that will lighten the mood during harrowing episodes.

Zonko´s is a wonderful internship for Fred and George Weasley.  Before they open their own joke shop/spy den in Diagon Alley, of course.  It is also the place to lose your less serious-minded friends during Hogsmeade weekends.  Dangle the joke shop in front of them and skip off to that meeting with your boyfriend/girlfriend.  See James Potter/Lily Evans, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger, and Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger