Still Dreaming

He hadn't been this tired for ages. Not since his Hogwarts days. He hadn't been this nervous since having to tell James and Sirius....

His heart fell to his toes, and he looked out of the window. The train hadn't left the station yet, so he watched the students walk past. Remus Lupin heaved a great sigh, and slumped down further into his seat. He still had no idea why he had accepted Dumbledore's offer to teach, though he didn't know what else he could possibly do. It was nearly impossible for him to get a job with his monthly absences.

Remus rubbed his eyes and wrapped his tattered, patched robes around him. He didn't want to admit it, but he was afraid. He hadn't really been around people lately, and there were a few members of the staff he wished to avoid. But since he had heard the news...well, he'd just have to do whatever it took not to think about it.

Leaning towards the window, his heart leapt up to his throat. A small group of students had just walked by, and at the front, a boy with long black hair and glasses. Remus hadn't seen him since he had been a baby, but Remus knew exactly who he was. He looked exactly like his father.

Harry.

Remus kept his eyes glued on the boy. Memories came flooding back to him of playing with a baby Harry at Christmas, smiling with Sirius and James while Lily wrapped presents. Plotting his Hogwarts days, and watching James' proud eyes when Harry took his first steps. All of the things he wanted to remember, but didn't know if he could handle.

He felt so alone. The last of the Marauders, since Remus didn't have the heart to include him anymore. Lily, James and Peter. Dead.

And it was all Padfoot's fault.

Rage swelled in his chest, and he clutched his robes. Harry had disappeared, probably was already on the train. Remus panicked. He wasn't ready for company. Closing his eyes, he tried to fall asleep, wondering how strange he must look.

He heard footsteps. "Who d'you reckon he is?" hissed the voice of a young boy, as the compartment door shut and what sounded like three students sat down.

"Professor R.J Lupin," whispered a second voice, this time a girl.

"How d'you know that?" asked the boy again, voicing Remus' question. "It's on his case," she replied, and Remus smiled inwardly. Smart girl. I'll have to keep an eye on her.

"Wonder what he teaches?"

The girl whispered again, "That's obvious. There's only one vacancy, isn't there? Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Remus was beginning to think that this girl was the brains of the group.

"Well, I hope he's up to it," the boy said, a little doubt in his voice. What's that supposed to mean? "He looks like one good hex would finish him off, doesn't he?" Remus wished he could have said something at this point. You try being a werewolf, boy, and we'll see how you look.

"Anyway, what were you going to tell us?" the boy asked, apparently talking to the other two.

The voice Remus heard next sent shivers down his spine. He almost blew his cover. The boy sounded exactly as James once had, and when the words Sirius Black were spoken, there was little doubt. Fate had pushed him and Harry Potter together.

He realized he hadn't really been paying attention to what Harry was saying, and soon the voice stopped.

"Sirius Black escaped to come after you? Oh, Harry...you'll have to be really, really careful. Don't go looking for trouble, Harry..." the girl said in a worried tone.

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."

Harry's voice sent the wheels turning in Remus' head. It could possibly be true...could it? Sirius, after James' son? He had never believed Sirius capable of being a servant of Voldemort, let alone capable of killing a friend. Sirius loved Harry, at least the Sirius he knew. It scared Remus that he didn't know Sirius. Not anymore.

"No one knows how he got out of Azkaban. No one's ever done it before. And he was a top-security prisoner too."

Remus swallowed hard. How many times had he asked himself the same question? How many times had he realized he didn't know the answer?

"What's that noise?" the boy said, his voice worried. Remus heard it too, a faint whistle above them.

"Is that a Sneakoscope?" the girl said quickly, sounding interested. Remus tensed. He knew those things were just toys, but could it have picked up on his thoughts of Sirius?

"Yeah...mind you, it's a very cheap one," the boy said, a little anger in his words. "It went haywire just as I was tying it to Errol's leg to send it to Harry."

Remus sighed quietly, relieved. Why was he so uptight? It was no wonder he had gray hair at thirty-two. He'd always been the one to worry, but then again, he always had the most to lose. It only took him a few heartbeats to realize he hadn't been paying attention.

"Stick it back in the trunk, or it'll wake him up."

Harry's voice soothed Remus' nerves a little, and suddenly he felt like laughing. If only Harry knew. If I were actly asleep, I would have woken up ten minutes ago.

"Do you know much about Hogsmeade?" the girl asked, sounding excited. "I've read it's the only entirely non-Muggle settlement in Britain-"

Remus smirked inwardly. This girl reminded him of himself. What were the odds? James' son having friends like his father's? Not, he thought gloomily, that that was an entirely good thing. Hogsmeade. He was actually rather pleased that it was a non-Muggle town. The things James and Sirius did back then, he was amazed no Muggle found out about them. And Remus would just watch, like the good prefect he was, and after it was all said and done, they'd all sit down in Hogshead with a Butterbeer. Or the occasional Firewhiskey. Just the four of them, while James stared at Lily.

James and Lily. Had it really been twelve years since he'd seen them? It felt like it had been ages. The last memory he had with them wasn't unpleasant; it was just the thoughts that went along with it.

"-the Shrieking Shack's supposed to be the most severely haunted building in Britain-"

I wish it had been haunted. Then we would have spent time trying to get into it, not spending one evening a month in that wretched place. Of course, Remus was grateful that Dumbledore had let him stay there. But he just wanted to feel normal. He didn't want to hide his secret from nearly everyone he knew.

"Won't it be nice to get out of school for a bit and explore Hogsmeade?" the girl asked.

"'Spect it will," Harry said gloomily. "You'll have to tell me when you've found out."

Remus felt a pang of guilt. Dumbledore had informed him what Harry's family was like, and knew there was no way they would sign a permission form. It hardly seemed fair, that Harry, who should have grown up in a loving home with James and Lily, instead had to live with his wretched aunt and uncle. He felt rather selfish, but Remus also wished he could have spent more time with him.

"You're not allowed to come?" The other boy sounded horrified. Remus wondered if he knew what Harry's aunt and uncle were like.

"-or we can ask Fred and George, they know every secret passage out of the castle-"

In any other situation, Remus would have raised his eyebrows. Every secret passage? Was it possible that someone had found... How else could these boys know? It was almost a comforting thought, after all that work they put into it, that it was being used. He might be a Professor now, but he remembered too well what he acted like at Hogwarts. Even though he was trying to be inconspicuous, a corner of his lip curved into a smirk.

"Oh, Ron, don't talk rubbish. Black's already murdered a whole bunch of people in the middle of a crowded street." Remus cringed. Don't remind me. "Do you really think he's going to worry about attacking Harry just because we're there?"

How could you, Sirius? After everything... Not Harry. I'll kill you myself before you hurt him.

"Don't let that thing out!"

The boy, Ron, yelled and Remus could hear other movement. "Get out of here!"

"Ron, don't!" The girl was angry, and sounded slightly upset and he heard the hissing of a cat. Well, he was still a teacher. He stirred, moving his head the other way, but still kept up the act of sleeping. Remus was pleased when the no one said anything further.

**

"Do you think we should wake him up?" Ron's voice whispered nearby. "He looks like he could do with some food." Remus rolled his eyes. Ron had no idea.

He felt someone approach him carefully. "Er-Professor?" asked the girl, her voice a bit timid. He was starving, of course. He hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, but it wasn't like he could afford anything.

"Excuse me -Professor?"

He didn't move. Remus could wait until they reached Hogwarts.

"Don't worry, dear." He didn't recognize this voice, but he imagined it was the witch with the food cart. He remembered that from his Hogwarts days. He certainly never had enough money for a Chocolate Frog, unlike James and Sirius.

"If he's hungry when he wakes, I'll be up front with the driver." The compartment door closed.

"I suppose he is asleep?" Ron asked quietly. "I mean-he hasn't died, has he?"

It took Remus a lot of self-restraint not to laugh. Oh, he certainly wasn't dead. Not yet, anyway.

"No, no, he's breathing," the girl murmured. He heard the trio begin to settle down, eating something that smelled like Cauldron Cakes.

Remus allowed himself to actually try to get some rest before they arrived at the school. It had been a full moon the week before, and he had been exhausted since.

Splatters of rain hit the window after a little while, and it continued, gradually getting worse. The lull of the train and the soft rhythm of the rain were just about to put Remus to sleep.

"Well, look who it is. Potty and the Weasel," a new voice drawled. Two other voices chuckled, and Remus had a good feeling these boys were not welcome. He had never heard this boy before, but his cold, sneering drawl sounded familiar. "I heard your father finally got his hands on some gold this summer, Weasley. Did your mother die of shock?"

Weasley. Could Ron be one of Molly and Arthur's children? It had been too long since he'd been in the Order, he couldn't remember. Strange, though, that Harry should befriend that family. But not at all a bad thing. Remus heard swift movement nearby and panicked. He wasn't Harry's legal guardian, or even his teacher yet. But he had to do something. He gave a soft snort.

"Who's that?" the drawling boy hissed.

"New teacher," Harry said, standing up as well. His voice was calm, and Remus felt that James would be very proud of his son. He just noticed that Harry hadn't said much lately. "What were you saying, Malfoy?"

Remus froze. So, that's why he recognized the voice. He sounded exactly like his father, the same cold, sneering drawl. Lucius Malfoy's son. It sounded like Harry and his friends were bothered by the boy often, which did not surprise Remus. Malfoys had an odd talent of showing up where they were not wanted.

"C'mon." Malfoy and his friends slipped out of the compartment.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Remus fell silent again. He'd done his job. Ron and Harry eased themselves back into their seats. Ron was still breathing hard.

"I'm not going to take any crap from Malfoy this year. I mean it. If he makes one more crack about my family, I'm going to get hold of his head and -"

He swung his fist in the air.

"Ron, be careful," the girl hissed. But they stopped talking, and the rain poured down against the windows even harder.

"We must be nearly there," Ron said after awhile, and at that moment the train gave a lurch and started to slow down. "Great. I'm starving. I want to get to the feast..." Remus felt the boy walk carefully past him.

"We can't be there yet." The girl spoke in a worried tone, obviously checking her watch.

"So why are we stopping?"

As the train slowed down, Remus could hear the wind and rain even louder against the train. This was definitely not a good sign. He wasn't positive, but he had a good guess what was going on. He just hoped that he wasn't right.

He heard someone, probably Harry standing up and walking to the corridor. The train gave another jolt, and Remus heard the thuds of the luggage. No, this was not a good sign at all. He swallowed.

A crack, and the trio in the compartment gasped. Remus decided that it was too much of a risk to not know what was going on. He opened his eyes just a little, but found it was just as dark as when he had them closed. The lights had gone out. This was getting worse.

"What's going on?" Ron's voice said nervously.

"Ouch! Ron, that was my foot!"

Remus heard rather than saw Harry feel his way back to his seat. "Do you think we've broken down?" the boy asked, his voice unusually calm.

"Dunno..."

Remus curled further back into his seat, as to not give himself away just yet. Ron's outline wiped a patch clean on the window.

"There's something moving out there. I think people are coming aboard."

His heart gave a jolt. So, he had been right afterall. Dementors, trying to take over a train? This was going to be a long year.

The compartment door opened, and someone fell in.

"Sorry-d'you know what's going on? - Ouch- sorry- "

"Hullo, Neville," said Harry pleasantly, picking the boy up. Remus vaguely recognized the name. The Longbottoms' son?

"Harry? Is that you? What's happening?"

"No idea- sit down-"

There was a loud hissing (the cat again) and the new boy yelped in pain.

"I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on," the girl said, very calm as well. She felt her way to the door and it slid open. Thud. Two girls squealed in pain.

"Who's that?" the girl asked quickly.

"Who's that?" A new voice asked. Remus couldn't see what was going on, and so he moved a little.

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

Names and no faces. Great. Remus' heart sunk farther.

"What are you doing?" the girl, apparently Hermione, asked.

"I was looking for Ron-"

"Come in and sit down-"

"Not here!" Harry said quickly, a sense of panic in his voice. "I'm here!"

"Ouch!"

Remus gave up. He'd have to bloody do something. And he really wasn't in the mood to deal with Dementors.

"Quiet!"

His voice sounded hoarse, even to him. The compartment fell silent, except for a few movements in the corner.

Remus muttered a spell, and felt the odd sensation of holding a handful of fire. He had never much liked the spell, but it was much more powerful than Lumos. He looked around the compartment, noticing the awe in the looks the children were giving him.

"Stay where you are." He stood up, heading towards the door. But his heart gave a lurch of dread as the compartment door slid open before he got there. The cloaked figure reached out, and the corner of his eye, Remus saw Harry's own go wide with fear.

The decayed hand retracted and Harry froze. Remus reached into his robes and pulled out his wand as Harry slumped out of his seat, twitching. He could only imagine what was going through the boy's head, but he knew it was the worst memories anyone could have.

Stepping over Harry, Remus held out his wand firmly.

"None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."

The dementor did not move, and Remus took desperate measures. He muttered Expecto Patronum, and a silver wolf shot out of his wand. He wasn't surprised that the dementor turned around and glided away.

After making sure it was leaving for good, he turned around himself and examined the compartment. It was worse than he expected. Harry was still on the floor, twitching with his face pale. It sent shivers up Remus' spine. He almost believed his old friend was back.

The lights fluttered back on and he looked around. The red headed boy and the bushy-haired girl rushed to Harry's side, slapping his face. A red headed girl in the corner shook violently, and a brown haired boy, shaking, stood up next to Remus.

"Harry! Harry! Are you all right?"

"W-what?"

Harry's voice was groggy, and hoarse. His glasses were askew, and there was cold sweat on his forehead. The two on the floor heaved him back into his seat.

"Are you okay?" The redheaded boy, Ron it seemed, asked nervously. His face was pale with worry.

"Yeah. What happened?" Harry shot a glance over Remus' shoulder towards the door. "Where's that- that thing? Who screamed?"

"No one screamed."

Remus watched him carefully, his heart sinking fast. The boy didn't look good at all, and in the back of his mind, Remus knew exactly what memory the dementors would bring up in Harry. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he reached into his pocket. He always carried some with him, ever since he'd gotten word of Sirius' escape.

"But I heard screaming...."

There. He pulled out the chocolate and unwrapped it. Snapping off a big piece, he wasn't surprised as the students all jumped. He handed it to Harry, who took it.

"Here. Eat it. It'll help."

Harry eyed him carefully. "What was that thing?"

Noticing that Harry wasn't eating it, Remus frowned. "A dementor," he said, passing out chocolate to the other students. "One of the dementors of Azkaban."

He felt eyes on him as he crumpled up the chocolate wrapper and stuffed it in his pocket. "Eat it. It'll help," he repeated, trying to sound reassuring but felt he was failing. He would much rather be sleeping still, or at least pretending too.

"I need to speak to the driver, excuse me..."

Remus walked past Harry, giving him one last look before slipped out of the compartment. He heaved a sigh. Why had he decided to take the job if there was a constant reminder of James where he went? He was so proud of Harry; he was exactly the way he'd expected him to act. But there was something else there, an anger and fear in Harry's eyes.

But there was nothing for it. He'd just have to push those emotions aside. Strolling quickly down the corridor, Remus Lupin wondered how the hell he was going to make it through the year.