The Marauders and the Prisoner of Azkaban

There was still an echoing silence in the room.

"Really...we can stop reading if you guys want to," said Remus. "Just because a mysterious book lands in the room doesn't mean that you have to read it...heh...it's probably best if you don't, actually..."

"Moony," said Sirius. "As much as I hate this book, keep reading."

"Moony," said James. "As much as I hate this book, keep reading."

"You could have just said 'I agree' instead of saying the whole thing all over again," Remus mentioned to James.

"I'm not talking to him," said James. "So I don't agree with him."

"I'm not talking to him," said Sirius. "I do not agree with him at all. So, Wormtail, I'm making you the messenger, because Remus is too busy reading and he doesn't need to wear out his voice more. Anything that I need to say to him, I will tell it to you and you will tell it to him."

"Wormtail, you are the messenger," said James. "Anything that I need to say to him, I will tell it to you and you will tell it to him."

"Alright..." said Peter. "Just don't give me déjà vu...my head hurts."

"Chapter Five," said Remus. "The Dementor."

"Nooooooooo!" yelled Sirius.

Tom woke Harry the next morning with his usual toothless grin-

"See, that's why it's important to brush your teeth. Wouldn't want to end up like him, now would you?" said James.

-and a cup of tea. Harry got dressed and was just persuading a disgruntled Hedwig to get back into her cage when Ron banged his way into the room, pulling a sweatshirt over his head and looking-

"Stupid," suggested Peter.

-irritable.

"The sooner we get on that train, the better," he said. "At least I can get away from Percy at Hogwarts. Now he's accusing me of dripping-

"Snot," finished Peter.

"Do you have a thing against Ron or something?" asked Remus.

"He needs to take better care of his rat," said Peter.

-tea on his photo of Penelope Clearwater. You know," Ron grimaced, "his girlfriend. She's hidden her face under the frame because her nose has gone all blotchy..."

"Just be glad that her nose isn't as abnormally large as Snivellus' is," said James.

It looked like Sirius really wanted to agree and laugh, and perhaps make another comment about Snape. But he didn't, and he just kept looking at the book.

"I've got something to tell you," Harry began, but they were interrupted by Fred and George, who had looked in to congratulate Ron on infuriating Percy again.

They headed down to breakfast, where Mr. Weasley was reading the from page of the Daily Prophet with a furrowed brow and Mrs. Weasley was telling Hermione and Ginny about a love potion she had made as a young girl. All three of them were rather giggly.

"Aha! What if Molly just used a love potion to get Arthur to marry her?" said Sirius. "Ha ha, wouldn't that be funny? I dunno, if she did really...they left Hogwarts a few years ago, didn't they?"

"Yeah," Remus replied. "But do you really think she'd be thick enough to want Arthur to fall in love with her by means of a love potion? Really, that's stupid. Because it's not genuine, true, romantic love..." Remus sighed. He could really be too much of a hopeless little romantic sometimes.

"Like Lily and I will soon have," said James.

"What were you saying?" Ron asked Harry as they sat down.

"Later," Harry muttered as Percy stormed in.

Harry had no chance to speak to Ron or Hermione in the chaos of leaving; they were too busy heaving all their trunks down the Leaky Cauldron's narrow staircase and piling them up near the door, with Hedwig and Hermes, Percy's screech owl, perched on top in their cages. A small wickerwork basket stood beside the heap of trunks, spitting loudly.

"It's all right, Crookshanks," Hermione cooed through the wickerwork. "I'll let you out on the train."

"You won't," snapped Ron. "What about poor Scabbers, eh?"

He pointed at his chest, where a large lump indicated that Scabbers was curled up in his pocket.

"Yeah," said Peter. "You defend that rat. You tell her, Ron!"

Mr. Weasley, who had been outside waiting for the Ministry cars, stuck his head inside.

"They're here," he said. "Harry, come on."

Mr. Weasley marched Harry across the short stretch of pavement toward the first two old-fashioned dark green cars, each of which was driven by a furtive-looking wizard wearing a suit of emerald velvet.

"Hey! Stop looking so furtive!" said James. "If you're so sly and sneaky then maybe it's a bad idea if Harry gets in that car with you! It's like they always say! Don't get into cars with strangers!"

"In you get, Harry," said Mr. Weasley, glancing up and down the crowded street.

Harry got into the back of the car, and was shortly joined by Hermione, Ron, and, to Ron's disgust, Percy.

The journey to King's Cross was very-

"Smelly," said James and Sirius at the same time. As soon as they realized this, an ugly look passed over their faces and they side-glanced at each other.

"Wormtail," said Sirius. "Tell Prongs that he's not allowed to say the same things as me at the same time."

"Okay..." said Peter. "Prongs, Padfoot says that your not allowed to say the same things as him at the same time."

"Well then, you tell Padfoot that he needs to develop his own brain and stop trying to copy mine," said James.

"Prongs says that you need to develop your own brain and stop trying to copy his."

"I am not! Tell Prongs that I would never want to copy his brain, because someone who did that would have to be even stupider than he is!"

"Padfoot says that-"

"Moony says that everyone needs to stop insulting each other and having messages be passed to each other and just continue listening to the story!" interrupted Remus loudly. His three friends all turned to look at him.

"Oh...yeah...right."

-uneventful compared with Harry's trip on the Knight Bus. The Ministry of Magic cars seemed almost ordinary, though Harry noticed that they could slide through gaps that Uncle Vernon's new company car certainly couldn't have managed.

"Of course not. He's a Muggle with a horrible Muggle car," said Sirius.

"He is a Muggle with a bad Muggle car because he's horrible to my son. That's why he doesn't have a good car like that!" said James.

They reached King's Cross with twenty minutes to spare; the Ministry drivers found them trolleys, unloaded their trunks, touched their hats in salute to Mr. Weasley, and drove away, somehow managing to jump to the head of an unmoving line at the traffic lights.

Mr. Weasley kept close to Harry's elbow all the way into the station.

"What? Do you want to steal his elbow or something?" James asked the book.

"Stop being so stupid!" Sirius yelled at him, not looking at James, and forgetting that Peter was supposed to be the messenger. "It's the least Mr. Weasley can do to try and watch Harry until he leaves for Hogwarts, since apparently I'm going to want to murder him!"

"Me? Stupid? You really think so? I'm the one who's been concerned for Harry's safety, and all you've been doing is making all these ridiculous comments and turning out to be a madman after my son, and you keep singing stupid songs!" James shouted back, also forgetting about Peter being the messenger.

"You were the one who wanted to sing that song!"

"Does this mean I'm done being the messenger?" Peter asked them curiously.

"No!" yelled both James and Sirius

"Right then," he said, glancing around them. "Let's do this in pairs, as there are so many of us. I'll go through first with Harry."

Mr. Weasley strolled toward the barrier between platforms nine and ten, pushing Harry's trolley and apparently very interested in the InterCity 125 that had just arrived at platform nine. With a meaningful look at Harry, he leaned casually against the barrier. Harry imitated him.

"Monkey see, monkey do!" said Peter laughing.

"Hey! My son is not a monkey!" said James.

"Oho, look who's stupid now!" said Sirius.

"Please...don't..." said Remus. "Is it really so hard for you to stop yelling at each other?" he asked, though realizing that it was pointless to do so.

"Yes!" both James and Sirius said.

In a moment, they had fallen sideways through the solid metal onto platform nine and three-quarters and looked up to see the Hogwarts Express, a scarlet steam engine, puffing smoke over a platform packed with witches and wizards seeing their children onto the train.

Percy and Ginny suddenly appeared behind Harry. They were panting and had apparently taken the barrier at a run.

"Wouldn't it have been so funny if they crashed into the wall, though?" asked Sirius.

"Running into walls hurts, you know," said Remus. "I've done it a few times when I've gotten really sick and couldn't pay attention to where I'm going."

"And Prongs does it every time Lily passes by," said Peter. "Maybe that's why his head is so big..."

"I don't have a big head!" said James indignantly.

"But you have a lot of hair, so you have to have a large enough head to put it on."

"Ah, there's Penelope!" said Percy, smoothing his hair and going pink again. Ginny caught Harry's eye, and they both turned away to hide their laughter as Percy strode over to a girl with long, curly hair, walking with his chest thrown out so that she couldn't miss his shiny badge.

"Tell Prongs that sounds like something he would do when Evans is around," said Sirius to Peter.

"Padfoot says that that sounds like something you would do when Evans is around," said Peter to James.

"Tell Padfoot that he's just jealous that he doesn't have anyone to impress," said James to Peter.

"Prongs says that you're just jealous that you don't have anyone to impress," Peter said to Sirius.

"Tell Prongs that I do have people I impress! Like Emmeline and Anna and Saffron and Lita and Hestia and Phinona..." said Sirius to Peter.

"Padfoot says that he does have people he impresses, like Emmeline and Anna and Saffron and Lita and-"

"What is this, a game of telephone and a listing of girls?" Remus asked indignantly. "Now do you mind?"

"Mind what?" Peter asked. "I'm in the middle of a message!"

"You know perfectly well that you don't have to be a messenger because either one can hear just what the other is saying and just chooses to ignore it!" Remus pointed out.

"I don't choose to ignore it!" said James. "I just don't like having to listen to what that git says!"

"Yeah!" said Sirius. "I can't hear a word Prongs is saying, and I can't believe he just called me a git!"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Oh yes, that's being oblivious to what he's saying. Can I just keep reading?"

"Go on then."

Once the remaining Weasleys and Hermione had joined them, Harry and Ron led the way to the end of the train, past packed compartments, to a carriage that looked quite empty. They loaded the trunks onto it, stowed Hedwig and Crookshanks in the luggage rack, then went back outside to say good-bye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

Mrs. Weasley kissed all of her children, then Hermione, and finally, Harry. He was embarrassed, but really quite pleased, when she gave him an extra hug.

"Awww," said James.

"Do take care, won't you, Harry?" she said as she straightened up, her eyes oddly bright. Then she opened her enormous handbag and said, "I've made you all sandwiches...Here you are, Ron...no, they're not corned beef...Fred? Where's Fred? Here you are, dear..."

"Eww, corned beef is nasty," said Peter. "Fred's stupid for liking it."

"No, Fred is cool!" said Sirius. "And so is George!"

"Harry," said Mr. Weasley quietly, "come over here for a moment."

He jerked his head toward a pillar, and Harry followed him behind it, leaving the others crowed around Mrs. Weasley.

"Yay, sandwich party," said Peter randomly.

"There's something I've got to tell you before you leave-" said Mr. Weasley, in a tense voice.

"I love you, Harry!" yelled Sirius, pretending to be Mr. Weasley.

"Tell Padfoot that's not funny," said James, who looked like he had just laughed against his own will and was now coughing.

"Prongs says that that's not funny," said Peter.

"It's all right, Mr. Weasley," said Harry. "I already know."

"You know? How could you know?"

"Love is obvious when not blind," said Sirius.

"Come off of it, they're not in love with each other," said Remus.

"Yep. Sounds like someone's being pretty stupid," said James innocently.

"I-er- I heard you and Mrs. Weasley talking last night. I couldn't help hearing," Harry added quickly. "Sorry-"

"That's not the way I'd have chosen for you to find out," said Mr. Weasley, looking anxious.

"No- honestly, it's okay. This way, you haven't broken your word to Fudge and I know what's going on."

"Oh no," said Sirius, coming out of his silly moment and looking tense. "Don't tell me they're talking about..."

"Harry, you must be very scared-"

"I'm not," said Harry sincerely.

"Yeah, he's not," said James huffily.

"Really," he added, because Mr. Weasley was looking disbelieving. "I'm not trying to be a hero, but seriously, Sirius Black-

Sirius snorted suddenly. "Ha ha!"

"I thought you didn't like the name pun," said Remus.

"Well that just sounded funny," Sirius said.

"It wasn't funny the first time, and it's not funny now."

"Well you're just boring, that's what you are."

-can't be worse than Voldemort, can he?"

Remus flinched slightly at just the thought of Voldemort. Voldemort had already been gaining so much power and killing so many wizards, and it seemed horrible if he'd kill more in the future. However, Sirius was still hung up over the fact that his future self might be worse than Voldemort.

"No! I'm not!" said Sirius. "I'm not even evil!"

"Not yet," said Peter.

"Shut up! I'm not paying you to be my messenger and insult me!"

"You're not paying me at all!"

"Exactly!"

Mr. Weasley flinched at the sound of the name but overlooked it.

"Harry, I knew you were, well, made of stronger stuff than Fudge seems to think, and I'm obviously pleased that you're not scared, but-"

"Arthur!" called Mrs. Weasley, who was now shepherding the rest onto the train. "Arthur, what are you doing? It's about to go!"

"He's coming, Molly!" said Mr. Weasley, but he turned back to Harry and kept talking in a lower and more hurried voice. "Listen, I want you to give me your word-"

"-that I'll be a good boy and stay in the castle?" said Harry gloomily.

"Not entirely," said Mr. Weasley, who looked more serious than Harry had ever seen him.

"No you don't, you don't look like me at all!" said Sirius.

"Harry, swear to me you won't go looking for Black."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"What?" James asked.

Harry stared. "What?"

There was a loud whistle. Guards were walking along the train, slamming all the doors shut.

"Hurry up, Mr. Weasley! My son is not going to miss going to Hogwarts!" yelled James.

"Promise me, Harry," said Mr. Weasley, talking more quickly still, "that whatever happens-"

"Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?" said Harry blankly.

"Yeah!" said James, slowly turning his head sideways to look at Sirius. "Why would he?"

Sirius continued to stare at the wall and act as if he had not heard James' comment.

"Swear to me that whatever you might hear-"

"Arthur, quickly!" cried Mrs. Weasley.

Steam was billowing from the train; it had started to move.

"RUN, HARRY, RUN!" screamed James. "LEAVE MR. WEASLEY THERE! IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL! RUN, RUN!"

Harry ran to the compartment door and Ron threw it open and stood back to let him on. They leaned out of the window and waved at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley until the train turned a corner and blocked them from view.

"Phew," said James. "Harry got on the train!"

"I need to talk to you in private," Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione as the train picked up speed.

"Go away, Ginny," said Ron.

"Oh, that's nice," said Ginny huffily, and she stalked off.

"I know, isn't it?" said James. "Tell Padfoot to go away."

"Prongs says 'go away'," said Peter.

"Ha, I don't think so," retorted Sirius.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione set off down the corridor, looking for an empty compartment, but all were full except for the one at the very end of the train.

This had only one occupant, a man sitting fast asleep next to the window. Harry, Ron, and Hermione checked on the threshold. The Hogwarts Express was usually reserved for students and they had never seen an adult there before, except for the witch who pushed the food cart.

"Mmm, and that food cart's good," said Peter.

"Yeah, we know you think so," said Sirius. "I mean how much of it do you buy when we're on the train?"

"Um- just enough to get through the train ride..." Peter said, looking around the room.

"And in your case, that's basically most of the food. No wonder you're not athletic, Wormtail! You need to stop eating those cauldron cakes."

"I don't see you telling Moony to lay off the chocolate!" Peter said sulkily.

Remus, who happened to be in the state of trying to pull a chocolate bar out of one of his pockets without the other boys noticing, quickly stuffed it back in the pocket.

"Well, Moony's different. He's not stuffing his face all the time," said Sirius.

"I do not stuff my face!" Peter said. "That's what you and Prongs do at mealtimes!"

"But at least we don't dribble our sundaes down our faces," said Sirius shrewdly.

Peter looked away.

The stranger was wearing an extremely shabby set of wizard's robes that had been darned in several places. He looked ill and exhausted. Though quite young, his light brown hair was flecked with gray.

"Who d'you reckon he is?" Ron hissed as they sat down and slid the door shut, taking the seats farthest away from the window.

"I reckon he's an old fart," said Sirius. "His description makes him sound like one."

Remus glanced down at the next few lines, his eyes widened, and then he looked up at Sirius and coughed. "That old fart you're talking about would happen to be me."

"What?" asked Sirius, astonished. "What are you talking about?"

Remus read on.

"Professor R. J. Lupin," whispered Hermione at once.

Remus looked back up, still marveling at the fact that he had just been mentioned. "That's my last name. It's my first two initials as well. Remus John. It's my name. Remus John Lupin. It's me."

"Er, did I just say 'old fart'?" said Sirius quickly. "I mean, intelligent, kind, smart, caring, wonderful friend of mine, buddy ol' pal!"

"Right, I'm sure you did."

"You know I luuurve you, Moony," said Sirius, swinging his arm around Remus.

"Erm..." said Remus, looking at Sirius. "Er...Are you drunk?"

"Nope," said Sirius.

Remus blinked. "Um...So back with the story here..."

"How'd you know that?"

"It's on his case," she replied, pointing at the luggage rack over the man's head, where there was a small, battered case held together with a large quantity of neatly knotted string. The name 'Professor R. J. Lupin' was stamped across one corner in peeling letters.

"Wow, sorry about your bag," said James. "But hey! Now you've joined me and him in the story!" He looked at Peter. "Where are you?"

"I dunno," said Peter. "Maybe I'm not in it."

"Wonder what he teaches?" said Ron, frowning at Professor Lupin's pallid profile.

"That's obvious," whispered Hermione. "There's only one vacancy, isn't there? Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Ooh, Defense Against the Dark Arts!" said Sirius. "I wonder why Snivellus isn't teaching that since he seems to love it so.... Oh well, Moony, I bet you're a better teacher."

"I hope so," said Remus. "What if I'm not a good teacher?"

"You're bound to be. You're smart," said Sirius.

"It's more than just being smart," said Remus.

"Well, being smart helps."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione had already had two Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, both of whom had lasted only one year. There were rumors that the job was jinxed.

Remus frowned. "Oh, well that's real encouraging."

"Never mind that," said James. "You can unjinx it or something. Uh, if it really is jinxed, I mean..."

"Well, I hope he's up to it," said Ron doubtfully. "He looks like one good hex would finish him off, doesn't he?"

Remus laughed. "Heh, you try being a werewolf, Ron. Then see what you look like."

"Really hairy," said Peter. "And big and scary when you're only the size of a little rat like me!"

"Anyway..." He turned to Harry. "What were you going to tell us?"

Harry explained all about Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's argument and the warning Mr. Weasley had just given him. When he'd finished, Ron looked thunderstruck, and Hermione had her hands over her mouth. She finally lowered them to say, "Sirius Black escaped to come after you?"

"No! I don't want to!" yelled Sirius.

"Oh, Harry...you'll have to be really, really careful. Don't go looking for trouble, Harry-"

"I don't go looking for trouble," said Harry, nettled. "Trouble usually finds me."

"Oh, that's nice to know," said James. "My poor son...all he goes through...okay, trouble can be good...but not from people like him."

"How thick would Harry have to be, to go looking for a nutter who wants to kill him?" said Ron shakily.

"Great. Now I'm being called a nutter," said Sirius tonelessly.

"Well, you sort of are," said Peter.

"Don't start your nastiness with me again!"

They were taking the news worse than Harry had expected.

"Well how else did you expect them to take it, Harry?" James asked.

Both Ron and Hermione seemed to be much more frightened of Black than he was.

"No one knows how he got out of Azkaban," said Ron uncomfortably. "No one's ever done it before. And he was a top-security prisoner too."

"Ha ha, and I escaped!" said Sirius triumphantly. "But that's not good...I guess...yeah...if I'm a murderer then I guess I should stay there...with my soul sucked...gone forever...lost..."

"But they'll catch him, won't they?" said Hermione earnestly. "I mean, they've got all the Muggles looking out for him too..."

"What's that noise?" said Ron suddenly.

"It's him!" James shrieked. "Tell Padfoot that he's not allowed to try and kill my son on the train! That's just not nice!"

Peter began his messenger duty again and said to Sirius, "Prongs says that you're not allowed to try and kill his son on the train. It's not nice."

"Tell Prongs that- no, I'm done with this. He just keeps yelling at me," said Sirius, crossing his arms.

A faint tinny sort of whistle was coming from somewhere. They looked all around the compartment.

"It's coming from your trunk, Harry," said Ron, standing up and reaching into the luggage rack.

"You're in my son's trunk?" James asked.

"No! No I'm not! How would I get in his trunk, or fit it in, or go in unsuspected or anything? Just shut up and listen!"

"Listen to what?"

"What do you think? The winds of change. No, I'm talking about the book! Shut up and stop yelling and accusing me!"

"Really, because I believe that you are the one who's yelling."

A moment later he had pulled the Pocket Sneakoscope out from between Harry's robes. It was spinning very fast in the palm of Ron's hand and glowing brilliantly.

"Is that a Sneakoscope?" said Hermione interestedly, standing up for a better look.

"Yeah...mind you, it's a very cheap one," Ron said. "It went haywire just as I was tying it to Errol's leg to send it to Harry."

"Were you doing anything untrustworthy at the time?" said Hermione shrewdly.

"No! Well...I wasn't supposed to be using Errol. You know he's not really up to long journeys...but how else was I supposed to get Harry's present to him?"

"Yeah, who cares? Just be a good friend and send Harry his present. After all, it's so sad that he's never gotten any before..." said James.

"Stick it back in the trunk," Harry advised as the Sneakoscope whistled piercingly, "or it'll wake him up."

He nodded toward Professor Lupin. Ron stuffed the Sneakoscope into a particularly horrible pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks, which deadened the sound, then closed the lid of the trunk on it.

"Eww!" said Peter. "Why would he have Uncle Vernon's old socks? That's nasty!"

"Yeah, I bet he sweats in them," moaned James. "That's just unsanitary. You can't force my son to wear those!"

"We could get it checked in Hogsmeade," said Ron, sitting back down. "They sell that sort of thing in Dervish and Banges, magical instruments and stuff. Fred and George told me."

"Yeah! Dervish and Banges!" said Sirius. "That place rocks!"

"Do you know much about Hogsmeade?" asked Hermione keenly. "I've read it's the only entirely non-Muggle settlement in Britain-"

"Yeah, I think it is," said Ron in an offhand sort of way, "but that's not why I want to go. I just want to get inside Honeydukes!"

"Mmm," said Remus, stopping. "Lovely shop, that is. They have very good chocolate."

"What's that?" said Hermione.

"It's a duke made of honey," said James, pretending to be stupid.

"It's this sweetshop," said Ron, a dreamy look coming over his face, "where they've got everything...Pepper Imps- they make you smoke at the mouth-"

"Oh yeah, you bet they do," said Peter. "It took two hours for the smoke to stop coming out of my mouth that one time.

"And great fat Chocoballs full of strawberry mousse and clotted cream-"

"One time I saw Evans eating one of those and a bit of the strawberry mouse got on her lips," said James, also looking dreamy, "but she still looked so beautiful in it, it was like it highlighted her lips, which are so pretty, and-"

Sirius coughed loudly as if to say he wanted James to shut up.

"And really excellent sugar quills, which you can suck in class and just look like you're thinking what to write next-"

"Ooh, and that's fun," Peter commented.

"But Hogsmeade's a very interesting place, isn't it?" Hermione pressed on eagerly. "In Sites of Historical Sorcery it says the inn was the headquarters for the 1612 goblin rebellion, and the Shrieking Shack's supposed to be the most severely haunted building in Britain-"

"Wow, do they actually still believe that?" Remus wondered. "It was really a good cover up of Dumbledore's..."

"Except, wouldn't it not have any noise if you don't use it anymore?" asked Peter. "Do you go there after Hogwarts still?"

"I really don't know, since we haven't left Hogwarts yet," Remus pointed out. He sighed. "I don't really want to leave either..."

"I'll never be able to hex Snivellus and get him publicly humiliated properly like I can now when we leave Hogwarts," added James.

"-and massive sherbet balls that make you levitate a few inches off the ground while you're sucking them," said Ron, who was plainly not listening to a word Hermione was saying.

"Don't think I would either," said Peter. "She knows too much. I bet she'll make my brain hurt."

"Doesn't it always hurt?" said Sirius.

Hermione looked around at Harry.

"Won't it be nice to get out of school for a bit and explore Hogsmeade?"

"'Spect it will," said Harry heavily. "You'll have to tell me when you've found out."

"What do you mean?" said Ron.

"I can't go. The Dursleys didn't sign my permission form, and Fudge wouldn't either."

"Oh, I nearly forgot about that!" James said. "It's not fair! Harry just has to go! How else will he follow in my footsteps?"

Ron looked horrified.

"Which is nothing compared to how I feel!" said James.

"You're not allowed to come? But- no way- McGonagall or someone will give you permission-"

Harry gave a hollow laugh. Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, was very strict.

"Mmm hmm," said Sirius. "The number of times she's said 'Mr. Black! Your work is unacceptable!' and 'Mr. Black! Stop running in the halls!' and 'Mr. Black! Twenty points from Gryffindor!'"

"-or we can ask Fred and George, they know every secret passage out of the castle-"

"Yeah!" said James excitedly. "Fred and George are cool! They can help my son get to Hogsmeade!"

"Hey!" said Sirius. "Why do they know every secret passage out of the castle? That's what we know! Actually, we don't know it yet, but when we're done with the Map we will!"

"Ron!" said Hermione sharply. "I don't think Harry should be sneaking out of school with Black on the loose-"

"Yeah, I expect that's what McGonagall will say when I ask for permission," said Harry bitterly.

"No!" shouted James. "Harry must go to Hogsmeade! Wait! No! Not if he's after him! But if he doesn't go, how shall he learn to be mischievous? But- but..." James was obviously torn between wanting Harry to go to Hogsmeade and wanting him not to go and be safe at Hogwarts.

"But if we're with him," said Ron spiritedly to Hermione, "Black wouldn't dare-"

"Oh, Ron, don't talk rubbish," snapped Hermione. "Black's already murdered a whole bunch of people in the middle of a crowded street. Do you think he's going to worry about attacking Harry just because we're there?"

"He should!" said James. "Aren't you, Padfoot?"

"Not particularly," Sirius yawned.

"Don't yawn at me!" James snapped.

"Good to hear it sounds like you're done with using a messenger," said Remus. "Didn't think that would last."

"Aww..." said Peter. "I was having fun. Please, can't I be the messenger some more?"

Sirius paused and considered this. "No."

"You're fired!" said James.

Peter crossed his arms and looked sulky. "Just tell me if you need me again. I'm here."

She was fumbling with the straps of Crookshanks's basket as she spoke.

"Don't let that thing out!" Ron said, but too late; Crookshanks leapt lightly from the basket, stretched, yawned, and sprang onto Ron's knees; the lump in Ron's pocket trembled and he shoved Crookshanks angrily away.

"A trembling pocket...can't you just see that?" said James, laughing.

"It's not funny! Cats are crazy!" said Peter.

"Get out of here!"

"Ron, don't!" said Hermione angrily.

Ron was about to answer back when-

"Crookshanks landed on his face and blocked his vision," said Sirius.

"Hermione slapped him in the face," suggested Remus.

"Harry got out Hedwig and they all had an animal party in the compartment," said James.

"Moony woke and told them to shut up," said Peter.

-Professor Lupin stirred. They watched him apprehensively, but he simply turned his head the other way, mouth slightly open, and slept on.

Remus started laughing. "I'm sorry, it's just too funny reading about what I'm doing in the future when I'm sleeping..."

"Okay...so maybe I wasn't right, but I was the closest!" Peter pointed out.

The Hogwarts Express moved steadily north and the scenery outside the window became wilder and darker while the clouds overhead thickened. People were chasing backward and forward past the door of their compartment. Crookshanks had now settled in an empty seat, his squashed face turned toward Ron, his yellow eyes on Ron's top pocket.

At one o'clock, the plump witch with the food cart arrived at the compartment door.

"Yum, I love that cart!" said Peter again.

"From now on, I'm going to restrict you from buying anything on that cart," Sirius told him.

"D'you think we should wake him up?" Ron asked awkwardly, nodding toward Professor Lupin. "He looks like he could do with some food."

Remus frowned. "That's a little offensive. Is he trying to say I look anorexic?"

"Nah, probably just that you look really tired and ill and pale and skinny," said Sirius.

"Oh, thank you, Padfoot," said Remus sarcastically. "That's so nice to hear."

"It's true," said Peter. "You're kinda too skinny."

"And you're a chubby little rat," said Sirius, as James started coughing again so no one could tell he was laughing.

Hermione approached Professor Lupin cautiously.

"Yeah, watch out, he's gonna bite ya!" said Sirius loudly.

"Hey! I thought we weren't going to have any more jokes about this?" Remus asked.

"Aww, c'mon. I really tried not to make anymore werewolf jokes and comments. But that just didn't work. Still, the point is, I tried!"

"Er- Professor?" she said. "Excuse me- Professor?"

He didn't move.

"Maybe someone murdered you!" said James, looking furtively at Sirius.

"I REFUSE TO BE ACCUSED FOR MORE DEATHS!" yelled Sirius. "I AM NOT A MURDERER!"

"Well, I mean, he's not moving..."

"Maybe I just don't move when I sleep!" said Remus. "Or maybe I just didn't hear Hermione because I was too lost in dream land!"

"Dream land is a fun place to be," added Peter.

"And don't worry, Moony. You don't really move too much when you sleep," Sirius added quietly, though nobody heard him.

"Don't worry, dear," said the witch as she handed Harry a large stack of Cauldron Cakes. "If he's hungry when he wakes, I'll be up front with the driver."

"Oooh," said Sirius provocatively. "She'll 'be up front with the driver'. What do you think that means?"

Remus smacked him on the back of the head. "I think that means you're too corrupted and your mind is too far down the gutter!"

Sirius pointed at James. "His fault."

"Is not!" James retorted.

"I suppose he is asleep?" said Ron quietly as the witch slid the compartment door close. "I mean- he hasn't died, has he?"

"Well, that would be pleasant. Hearing that you're in a book and finding out that you're dead," Remus said.

"I found out that I was in a book and I'm dead!" James said, frowning.

"Oops. I'm sorry, Prongs. Didn't mean to offend you or anything."

"No, no, he's breathing," whispered Hermione, taking the Cauldron Cake Harry passed her.

"See, you're alive," said James.

"It's alive! It's alive!" said Sirius.

"With the sound of music..." Peter sang in a mumble.

"What was that?" James asked. "Were you just singing 'The Sound of Music'?"

"...No," Peter said.

He might not be very good company, but Professor Lupin's presence in their compartment had its uses. Midafternoon, just as it had started to rain, blurring the rolling hills outside the window, they heard footsteps in the corridor again, and their three least favorite people appeared at the door: Draco Malfoy, flanked by his cronies, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.

"Malfoy?!" James asked. "Snivellus thinks he's so cool because he's good friends with that rich guy who graduated a few years ago. Lucius Malfoy!"

"Narcissa started dating Lucius Malfoy a while ago..." said Sirius offhandedly, as if he was not purposely listening to James. "Perhaps it's their kid."

Draco Malfoy and Harry had been enemies ever since they had met on their very first train journey to Hogwarts.

"Oh, is that so?" said James. "I bet Harry kicked your arse, and you deserved it."

Malfoy, who had a pale, pointed, sneering face, was in Slytherin House;

"Nasty little Slytherin!" said James. "Always causing up trouble, those Slytherins are! Like Snivellus!"

He played Seeker on the Slytherin Quidditch team, the same position that Harry played on the Gryffindor team.

"And I bet Harry does it a lot better than you!" yelled James.

Crabbe and Goyle seemed to exist to do Malfoy's bidding. They were both wide and musclely; Crabbe was taller, with a pudding-bowl haircut and a very thick neck; Goyle had short, bristly hair and long, gorilla-ish arms.

"Maybe he's really a gorilla," said Peter.

"Well, look who it is," said Malfoy in his usual lazy drawl, pulling open the compartment door. "Potty and the Weasel."

"WHAT?" yelped James. "You did not just call my son a toilet!"

Crabbe and Goyle chuckled trollishly.

"I heard your father finally got his hands on some gold this summer, Weasley," said Malfoy. "Did you mother die of shock?"

"Why, I oughta-" began James. "You can't insult my son's cool friend!"

Ron stood up so quickly he knocked Crookshanks's basket to the floor. Professor Lupin gave a snort.

"You snorted!" Sirius said, pointing at Remus and laughing. "You never snort! That's so funny!"

"Who's that?" said Malfoy, taking an automatic step backward as he spotted Lupin.

"New teacher," said Harry, who got to his feet, too, in case he needed to hold Ron back. "What were you saying, Malfoy?"

Malfoy's pale eyes narrowed; he wasn't fool enough to pick a fight right under a teacher's nose.

"And it was so helpful!" said James as though Remus had done one of the most respectful and best things in the world. "Thanks for snorting, Moony!"

"Erm, anytime," said Remus.

"C'mon," he muttered resentfully to Crabbe and Goyle, and they disappeared.

Harry and Ron sat down again, Ron massaging his knuckles.

"I'm not going to take any crap from Malfoy this year," he said angrily. "I mean it. If he makes one more crack about my family, I'm going to get hold of his head and-"

Ron made a violent gesture in the air.

"Ron," hissed Hermione, pointing at Professor Lupin, "be careful..."

"Oh, no, it's okay," said Remus. "I see people make enough violence anyway." He looked ominously at James and Sirius.

"What? Why are you looking like that?" said Sirius innocently.

"Moony, I'm not violent," said James. "It's, er...self defense. You know what I mean!"

"I really don't know what you mean," Remus said.

But Professor Lupin was still fast asleep.

The rain thickened as the train sped yet farther north; the windows were now a solid, shimmering gray, which gradually darkened until lanterns flicked into life all along the corridors and over the luggage racks. The train rattled, the rain hammered, the wind roared, but still, Professor Lupin slept.

"Wow, you really are a heavy sleeper," said Peter to Remus. "Are you sure you didn't die?"

"I'm probably just really tired," said Remus. "I can get like that, you know."

"Actually, I don't know until you know what I mean by self defense," said James.

"We must be nearly there," said Ron, leaning forward to look past Professor Lupin at the now completely black window.

The words had hardly left him when the train started to slow down.

"He must be a Seer!" said Sirius. "And he hasn't even gone to Divination yet."

"We can't be there yet," said Hermione, checking her watch.

"Oh, okay, maybe he's not..." said Sirius disappointedly.

"So why're we stopping?"

"Maybe a magic genie is coming to give Harry three wishes!" said James enthusiastically. "So he can wish to go to Hogsmeade, wish for a Firebolt, and...uh....wish for me and Lily, his lovely parents, to be alive because we're just too cool!"

The train was getting slower and slower. As the noise of the pistons fell away, the wind and rain sounded louder than ever against the windows.

Harry, who was nearest the door, got up to look into the corridor. All along the carriage, heads were sticking curiously out of their compartments.

The train came to a stop with a jolt, and distant thuds and bangs told them that luggage had fallen out of the racks. Then, without warning, all the lamps went out, and they were plunged into total darkness.

"Dun dun dun!" went Sirius.

"It's a new Dark Age!" said Peter

"What's going on?" said Ron's voice from behind Harry.

"Ouch!" gasped Hermione. "Ron, that was my foot!"

Harry felt his way back to his seat.

"D'you think we've broken down?"

"Dunno..."

There was a squeaking sound-

"Make some sound effects," Sirius said to Peter. "You can squeak. Go on, do it."

"...Squeak...Squeak..." said Peter.

"No, you're not doing it right! By order of me, I say squeak!"

Peter made a squeaking sound like a rat.

"There we go!"

-and Harry saw the dim black outline of Ron, wiping a patch clean on the window and looking out.

"There's something moving out there," Ron said. "I think people are coming aboard..."

The compartment door suddenly opened and someone fell painfully over Harry's legs.

"You can't fall on Harry's legs in a time of fear!" James growled. "Who was that?"

"Sorry- d'you know what's going on? -Ouch- sorry-"

"Hullo, Neville," said Harry, feeling around in the dark and pulling Neville up by his cloak.

"Harry? Is that you? What's happening?"

"Harry's apparently not getting a magic genie..." James sighed.

"No idea- sit down-"

There was a loud hissing and a yelp of pain; Neville had tried to sit on Crookshanks.

"Ow, bad idea," said Remus.

"I'm going to go and ask the driver what's going on," came Hermione's voice. Harry felt her pass him, heard the door slide open again, and then a thud and two loud squeals of pain.

"Who's that?"

"Who's that?"

"Ginny?"

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake," said Sirius.

"I was looking for Ron-"

"Come in and sit down-"

"Not here!" said Harry hurriedly. "I'm here!"

"Yeah! Harry's there!" said James.

"Ouch!" said Neville.

"Quiet!" said a hoarse voice suddenly.

Professor Lupin appeared to have woken up at last.

"About time," said Sirius.

Harry could hear movements in his corner. None of them spoke.

There was a soft, crackling noise, and a shivering light filled the compartment. Professor Lupin appeared to be holding a handful of flames.

"Wicked!" Peter said. "I want to be able to do that!"

They illuminated his tired, gray face, but his eyes looked alert and wary.

"Hmm, well at least I'm alert even if my face is gray..." Remus said.

"Stay where you are," he said in the same hoarse voice, and he got slowly to his feet with his handful of fire held out in front of him.

"Really, you think they'd go somewhere?" James asked.

"I'm just trying to protect them, I bet!" said Remus.

But the door slid slowly open before Lupin could reach it.

"...Why?" Sirius asked.

Standing in the doorway, illuminated by the shivering flames in Lupin's hand, was a cloaked figure that towered to the ceiling. Its face was completely hidden beneath its hood. Harry's eyes darted downward, and what he saw made his stomach contract. There was a hand protruding from the cloak and it was glistening, grayish, slimy-looking, and scabbed, like something dead that had decayed in water...

"No...it's not..." began Sirius.

"I think it's...." said Remus.

But it was visible only for a split second. As though the creature beneath the cloak sensed Harry's gaze, the hand was suddenly withdrawn into the folds of its black cloak.

And then the thing beneath the hood, whatever it was, drew a long, slow, rattling breath, as though it was trying to suck something more that air from its surroundings.

"No, it's not, no it's not!" Sirius yelled.

"I'll never forget the day I told Lily about them! If they're..." James said.

An intense cold swept over them all. Harry felt his own breath catch in his chest. The cold went deeper than hi skin. It was inside his chest, it was inside his very heart...

"Ahhh!" yelled James. "Don't make my son have a heart attack!"

Harry's eyes rolled up into his head.

"Eww, that's weird!" said Peter.

He couldn't see.

"Well of course he can't, not with his eyes like that," Peter added.

"Oh no, he's blind!" said James.

He was drowning in cold.

"Harry's going to get frostbite!" worried James.

There was a rushing in his ears as though of water. He was being dragged downward, the roaring growing louder...

"Make it stop!" yelled James. "It can't do this to Harry!"

"Do you want me to stop reading?" Remus asked.

"No!" yelled James. "Keep going!"

And then, from far away, he heard screaming, terrible, terrified, pleading screams.

"Harry's hearing me!" shouted James, still going hysterical.

"Either that or he's hearing Sirius," said Remus, nodding at Sirius who was not aware of the surroundings and kept shouting things like "No it's not!" and "Noooo!"

He wanted to help whoever it was, he tried to move his arms, but couldn't...

"Who sawed off Harry's arms?" demanded James.

"Nobody sawed off Harry's arms!" Remus said, rolling his eyes at this.

A thick white fog was swirling around him, inside him-

"Harry! Harry! Are you all right?"

"Do you think he'd be?" James asked sarcastically.

Someone was slapping his face.

"W-what?"

Harry opened his eyes; there were lanterns above him, and the floor was shaking- the Hogwarts Express was moving again and the lights had come back on. He seemed to have slid out of his seat onto the floor. Ron and Hermione were kneeling next to him, and above them he could see Neville and Professor Lupin watching. Harry felt very sick; when he put up his hand to push his glasses back on, he felt cold sweat on his face.

Ron and Hermione heaved him back onto his seat.

"Are you okay?" Ron asked nervously.

"No! He's not!" yelled James. "Stop asking!"

"Yeah," said Harry, looking quickly toward the door.

"Uh...I mean...yeah...Harry's fine," said James.

"What happened? Where's that- that thing? Who screamed?"

Peter pointed at James and Sirius. "They did."

"Did not!" said Sirius.

"I was just being concerned for my son's safety, you know!" James said. "Because I'm a good father! Even though I'm dead!"

"No one screamed," said Ron, more nervously still.

"What do you mean nobody screamed?" James asked. "Are you trying to say that my son is insane and hears people screaming in his head?"

Harry looked around the bright compartment. Ginny and Neville looked back at him, both very pale.

"But I heard screaming-"

A loud snap made them all jump. Professor Lupin was breaking an enormous slab of chocolate into pieces.

Remus laughed about what he just read himself do. Peter blinked. "No doubt about it, that's definitely Moony."

"Here," he said to Harry, handing him a particularly large piece.

"Aww, that's so nice Moony!" said James. "Sharing your chocolate with Harry! Because you know he needs it!"

"Eat it. It'll help."

"Yeah, it's definitely Moony," said Sirius. "Only he would say 'Eat it. It'll help'. Because only you would know, wouldn't you?"

"Perhaps..." said Remus.

Harry took the chocolate but didn't eat it.

"Well, why not?" asked Remus. "It's perfectly good chocolate!"

"What was that thing?" he asked Lupin.

"A dementor," said Lupin, who was now giving chocolate to everyone else. "One of the dementors of Azkaban."

"I knew it!" screamed Sirius. "NO!"

"I hate those dementors," said James. "I wish we could just get rid of them all..."

"Me too," said Peter. "They're much too creepy. I sure wouldn't want to be in Azkaban."

Everyone stared at him. Professor Lupin crumpled up the empty chocolate wrapper and put it in his pocket.

"Eat," he repeated. "It'll help. I need to-"

"-take a pee," finished Sirius.

"Sirius!" grumbled Remus as James and Peter started snickering. "You're just nasty! You're ruining my part in the book! It didn't say that I had to pee at all."

"-speak to the driver, excuse me..."

He strolled past Harry and disappeared into the corridor.

"Are you sure you're okay, Harry?" said Hermione, watching Harry anxiously.

"You keep asking him!" said James exasperatedly. "Though on the other hand, it's great that you care about him to keep asking. Aww, maybe Harry's got a little girlfriend..."

"I don't get it...What happened?" said Harry, wiping more sweat off his face.

"Get some deodorant!" said Peter.

"Hey!" said James, glaring at Peter. "My son doesn't smell! He just fainted from a dementor attack!"

"Well- that thing- the dementor- stood there and looked around (I mean, I think it did, I couldn't see its face)- and you- you-"

"I thought you were having a fit or something," said Ron, who still looked scared. "You went sort of rigid and fell our of your seat and started twitching-"

"And Professor Lupin stepped over you, and walked toward the dementor, and pulled out his wand," said Hermione, "and he said, 'None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go.' But the dementor didn't movie, so Lupin muttered something, and a silvery thing shot out of his wand at it, and it turned around and sort of glided away..."

"You saved Harry!" cheered James. "Thank you, Moony!"

"You're welcome," said Remus, a bit pleased with himself for already being so responsible.

"It was horrible," said Neville, in a higher voice than usual.

"What, is he turning into a girl or something?" asked Sirius.

"Did you feel how cold it go when it came in?"

"I felt weird," said Ron, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably. "Like I'd never be cheerful again..."

Ginny, who was huddled in her corner looking nearly as bad as Harry felt, gave a small sob; Hermione went over and put a comforting arm around her.

"But didn't any of you- fall of your seats?" said Harry awkwardly.

"No," said Ron, looking anxiously at Harry again. "Ginny was shaking like mad, though..."

"But why didn't anybody else fall? What's wrong with Harry?" asked James.

Harry didn't understand. He felt weak and shivery, as though he were recovering from a bad bout of flu; he also felt the beginning of shame. Why had he gone to pieces like that, when no one else had?

"I don't know!" said James. "But I still love you, son! Just don't go all wimpy!"

Professor Lupin had come back. He paused as he entered, looked around, and said, with a small smile, "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know..."

"Of course I haven't!" said Remus. "Why would I do that? That'd just be incriminating the chocolate and myself. Silly..."

"Do you poison chocolate?" asked Peter suspiciously.

"No!" replied Remus indignantly. "That's horrible."

Harry took a bite and to his great surprise felt warmth spread suddenly to the tip of his fingers and toes.

"And that's just part of the magic of chocolate," said Remus.

"We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes," said Professor Lupin. "Are you all right, Harry?"

"Harry's commonly asked question of the day," said James. " 'Are you all right?'"

Harry didn't ask how Professor Lupin knew his name.

"Ah, he doesn't remember you?" said James. "Then again, it didn't sound like he knew much about me..."

"Fine," he muttered, embarrassed.

They didn't talk much during the remainder of the journey. At long last, the train stopped at Hogsmeade station, and there was a great scramble to get outside; owls hooted, cats meowed, and Neville's pet toad croaked loudly from under his hat.

"Why is he keeping a toad under his hat?" asked Peter.

"Perhaps his toad was scared and just decided to hide under Neville's hat," said Remus.

It was freezing on the tiny platform; rain was driving down in icy sheets.

"Firs' years this way!" called a familiar voice. Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned and saw the gigantic outline of-

"The abominable snowman!" said Sirius. "Okay, yeah, I'm pretty sure it must be Hagrid, and think he's nice and everything. Just couldn't resist saying the snowman bit."

-Hagrid at the end of the platform, beckoning the terrified-looking new students forward for their traditional journey across the lake.

"All right', you three?" Hagrid yelled over the heads of the crowd.

"Stop asking that question!" yelled James. "Five times already! Five times!"

"Wormtail, tell Prongs that at least it sounds like people actually care about Harry!" said Sirius.

"Prongs, Padfoot says that at least it sounds like people actually care about Harry," Peter said.

James said nothing.

They waved at him, but had no chance to speak to him because the mass of people around them was shunting them away along the platform. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed the rest of the school along the platform and out onto a rough mud track, where at least a hundred stagecoaches awaited the remaining students, each pulled, Harry could only assume, by an invisible horse, because when they climbed inside and shut the door, the coach set off all by itself, bumping and swaying in procession.

The coach smelled faintly of mold and straw. Harry felt better since the chocolate, but still weak. Ron and Hermione kept looking at him sideways, as though frightened he might collapse again.

As the carriage trundled toward a pair of magnificent wrought iron gates, flanked with stone columns topped with winged boars, Harry saw two more towering, hooded dementors, standing guard on either side.

"Ahh!" screamed James. "They're stalking him!"

"I really shudder to think at what this book has been doing for your sanity," said Remus.

A wave of cold sickness threatened to engulf him again; he leaned back into the lumpy seat and closed his eyes until they had passed the gates. The carriage picked up speed on the long, sloping drive up to the castle; Hermione was leaning out of the tiny window, watching the many turrets and towers draw nearer. At last, the carriage swayed to a half, and Hermione and Ron got out.

As Harry stepped down, a drawling, delightful voice sounded in his hear.

"You fainted Potter? Is Longbottom telling the truth? You actually fainted?"

Malfoy elbowed past Hermione to block Harry's way up the stone steps to the castle, his face gleeful and his pale eyes glinting maliciously.

"You leave my son alone!" said James.

"Or Moony will have to snort again!" said Sirius, causing Remus to pull a face at him a second later.

"Shove off, Malfoy," said Ron, whose jaw was clenched.

"Did you faint as well, Weasley?" said Malfoy loudly. "Did the scary old dementor frighten you too, Weasley?"

"Is there a problem?" said a mild voice. Professor Lupin had gotten out of the next carriage.

"Woohoo, Moony!" James said. "Always protecting and looking out for my son!"

Malfoy gave Professor Lupin an insolent stare, which took in the patches on his robes and the dilapidated suitcase. With a tiny hint of sarcasm in his voice, he said, "Oh no-er- Professor," then he smirked at Crabbe and Goyle and led them up the steps into the castle.

Remus sighed. "Oh no, I'm not going to have fun teaching him I bet."

"That wasn't nice!" said Sirius. "It's not your fault that your robes are all shabby and your suitcase is dilapidated. Maybe a little, but not really..."

Hermione prodded Ron in the back to make him hurry, and the three of them joined the crowd swarming up the steps, through the giant oak front doors, into the cavernous entrance hall, which was lit with flaming torches, and house a magnificent marble staircase that led to the upper floors.

The door into the Great Hall stood open at the right; Harry followed the crowd toward it, but had barely glimpsed the enchanted ceiling, which was black and cloudy tonight when a voice called, "Potter! Granger! I want to see you both!"

"Ooooooh!" said Peter in the tone school children often made when a fellow student was called to an office and everyone thought they were in trouble. "What'd he do now?"

"Shut up! He hasn't done anything!" said James.

Harry and Hermione turned around, surprised. Professor McGonagall, Transfiguration teacher and head of Gryffindor House, was calling over the heads of the crowd. She was a stern looking witch who wore her hair in a tight bun; her sharp eyes were framed with square spectacles. Harry fought his way over to her with a feeling of foreboding: Professor McGonagall had a way of making him feel he must have done something wrong.

James and Sirius sighed sadly at the same time and said, "Yeah, she does." Realizing they had just said the same thing, they looked in immediate opposite directions and pretended to not have heard anything.

"There's no need to look so worried- I just want a word in my office," she told him.

"But that still does make students feel worried anyway," said Sirius.

"Move along there, Weasley."

Ron stared as Professor McGonagall ushered Harry and Hermione away from the chattering crowd; they accompanied her across the entrance hall, up the marble staircase, and along a corridor.

Once they were in her office, a small room with a large, welcoming fire, Professor McGonagall motioned Harry and Hermione to sit down. She settled herself behind her desk and said abruptly, "Professor Lupin sent an owl ahead to say that you were taken ill on the train, Potter."

"Wow, Moony!" said James, grinning at Remus. "You're watching Harry so well! Why aren't you taking care of him instead of those Dursleys?"

Remus, who had grinned as well for the second, spoke and his grin faded. "Because I'd never be allowed to...you know...werewolf..."

"Oh...yeah..." said James, his grin fading too. "Well, at least you're still watching him here!" he added quickly. "That's what counts!"

Before Harry could reply, there was a soft knock on the door and Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, came bustling in.

Harry felt himself going red in the face. It was bad enough that he'd passed out, or whatever he had done, without everyone making all this fuss.

"Yeah...I so wasn't fussing or anything..." said James.

"Yeah you were," said Peter.

"I'm fine," he said, "I don't need anything-"

"Oh, it's you, is it?" said Madam Pomfrey, ignoring this and bending down to stare closely at him. "I suppose you've been doing something dangerous again?"

"Again?" asked James. "Again?" He paused. "Wicked. My son does dangerous stuff and lives!"

"It was a dementor, Poppy," said Professor McGonagall.

They exchanged a dark look, and Madam Pomfrey clucked disapprovingly.

"Setting dementors around a school," she muttered, pushing back Harry's hair and feeling his forehead. "He won't be the last one who collapses. Yes, he's all clammy. Terrible things, they are, and the effect they have on people who are already delicate-"

"Harry's not delicate!" said James angrily.

Remus glanced at the next line, and laughed. "I don't know how you do this."

"Do what?" James asked.

"The saying of the same thing Harry does. You also do it a lot with Padfoot," Remus answered.

"No he doesn't!" Sirius retorted.

"Sorry, Sirius...but you do..." Remus said.

"I'm not delicate!" said Harry crossly.

James began laughing. "Tell her!"

"Of course you're not," said Madam Pomfrey absentmindedly, now taking his pulse.

"What does he need?" said Professor McGonagall crisply. "Bed rest? Should he perhaps spend tonight in the hospital wing?"

"What?!" exclaimed James. "No! It's his first night at Hogwarts! I'm his father and I say he's fine, so stop asking and he's not going in the hospital wing!"

"I quite agree," said Remus. "I've spent too much time there myself. I'm sick of it."

"I'm fine!" said Harry, jumping up. The thought of what Draco Malfoy would say if he had to go to the Hospital Wing was torture.

"Well, he should have some chocolate, at the very least," said Madam Pomfrey, who was now trying to peer into Harry's eyes.

"I've already had some," said Harry. "Professor Lupin gave me some. He gave it to all of us."

"Did he, now?" said Madam Pomfrey approvingly. "So we've finally got a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who knows his remedies?"

"Look, Moony, you're such a good teacher!" said Sirius.

"But I haven't even taught yet," said Remus.

"Still...it sounds like you will be," Sirius said.

"Thanks."

"Are you sure you feel all right, Potter?" Professor McGonagall said sharply.

"Six times now! Six! You can only ask that question so many times!" yelled James.

"Yes," said Harry.

"Very well. Kindly wait outside while I have a quick word with Miss Granger about her course schedule, then we can go down to the feast together."

"Wait!" James said. "Hermione got to listen about Harry's dementor attack and how everyone was so worried! Why can't he stay in and listen about her course schedule? What's so discreet about it?"

Harry went back into the corridor with madam Pomfrey, who left for the hospital wing, muttering to herself. He had to wait only a few minutes; then Hermione emerged looking very happy about something, followed by Professor McGonagall, and the three of them made their way back down the marble staircase to the Great Hall.

It was a sea of pointed black hats; each of the long House tables was lined with students, their faces glimmering by the light of thousands of candles; which were floating over the tables in midair. Professor Flitwick, who was a tiny little wizard with a shock of white hair-

"More just like a midget," interrupted Peter.

-was carrying an ancient hat and a three-legged stool out of the hall.

"Oh," said Hermione softly, "we've missed the Sorting!"

"That's okay," said Sirius. "The faster the Sorting goes by, the faster you can eat."

New students at Hogwarts were sorted into Houses by trying on the Sorting Hat, which shouted out the House they were best suited to (Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin).

"You'd think we'd never been to Hogwarts before," said Peter.

"Well, maybe the people who read this book haven't," said Remus. "I don't know what year it is in this book, but I guess it can't be too long from now. And if this wins a prize in 1999...then maybe Hogwarts burned down or something and this is a last memory of it. Or perhaps this is a book for Muggles to read."

"Muggles can't read this!" said Sirius. "That'd be kind of dumb, wouldn't it? I doubt that they'd care."

"What, are you getting to be an arrogant little pureblood now?" asked Remus.

"No, I'm not!" said Sirius angrily. "I'm just saying!"

Professor McGonagall strode off toward her empty seat at the staff table, and Harry and Hermione set off in the other direction, as quickly as possible, toward the Gryffindor table. People looked around at them as they passed along the back of the hall, and a few of them pointed at Harry. Had the story of his collapsing in front of the dementor traveled that fast?

He and Hermione sat down on either side of Ron, who had saved them seats.

"What was all that about?" he muttered to Harry.

Harry started to explain in a whisper, but at that moment, the headmaster stood up to speak, and he broke off.

Professor Dumbledore, though very old, always gave an impression of great energy. He had several feet of long silver hair and bear, half-moon spectacles, and an extremely crooked nose. He was often described as the greatest wizard of the age, but that wasn't why Harry respected him. You couldn't help trusting Albus Dumbledore, and as Harry watched him beaming around at the students, he felt really calm for the first time since the dementor had entered the train compartment.

"It's true, though," said Remus. "You can't help trusting Dumbledore."

"Yeah, Dumbledore rocks," agreed James.

"Welcome!" said Dumbledore, the candlelight shimmering on his beard. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious-

Sirius began laughing hysterically again.

"I don't understand!" said Remus. "How could you have thought that was the worst pun in the world an hour ago, and now you think it's hilarious?"

"Because I do!"
-I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast..."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued, "As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the dementors of Azkaban, who are here on Ministry of Magic business.

"Search!" asked James. "You call that a search? That wasn't a search! It was more like them trying to suck my son's soul out or something!"

He paused, and Harry remembered what Mr. Weasley had said about Dumbledore not being happy with the dementors guarding the school.

"They are stationed at every entrance to the grounds," Dumbledore continued, "and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises- or even Invisibility Cloaks," he added blandly, and Harry and Ron glanced at each other.

"Dumbledore knows stuff," said Peter. "He scares me sometimes."

"It is not in the nature of a dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the prefects, and our new Head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs afoul of the dementors," he said.

Percy, who was sitting a few seats down from Harry, puffed out his chest again and stared around impressively.

"I'm not impressed," said Sirius in a bored tone.

Dumbledore paused again; he looked very seriously around the hall, and nobody moved or made a sound.

"On a happier note," he continued, "I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year.

"First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Go Moony!" said Sirius loudly, and began clapping just as loud.

"Woohooo!" James cheered, clapping as well.

"Congratulations!" said Peter, also clapping, though just a bit softer than the racket James and Sirius were making.

"Thanks, you guys," said Remus, looking a bit bashful from the applause his friends were giving him.

There was some scattered, rather unenthusiastic applause.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"Come on, this is the best teacher in the world!" James added.

"Yeah," said Peter.

Remus laughed quietly. "It's okay, it's just the book, you really don't have to be mad..."

"Yes, I do!" said Sirius.

"Exactly!" said James. Both seemed to have forgotten how angry they were at the other at the moment.

"Clap harder!" yelled Sirius, who began clapping more noisily, and his hands were turning red. "Those idiots don't know good teachers when they see one!"

"What a bunch of dimwits!" said James, whose hands were also turning red. "How could Harry only give you unenthusiastic applause?"

"Really, it's okay, I don't mind," said Remus. "But thanks...a lot...you guys are the best."

"We're your friends, what else are we supposed to be?" asked James.

"I don't know," Sirius replied.

"Weren't you guys not talking to each other?" asked Peter, whom, for the record, hands had only barely turned pink from the clapping.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," said James, starting to look cross again. "Murderer," he muttered.

"Son-obsesser," mumbled Sirius, looking angry again.

Only those who had been in the compartment on the train with Professor Lupin clapped hard, Harry among them.

"Good. See, Harry is a good son, he was clapping hard for you!" said James.

Professor Lupin looked particularly shabby next to all the other teachers in their best robes.

"Poor Moony," said Sirius.

"I'm fine with it. It's okay," Remus reassured.

"Look at Snape!" Ron hissed in Harry's ear.

"Why would anyone want to look at him?" asked Peter.

Professor Snape-

"How did he get to be a Professor?" demanded James.

-the Potions master-

"Potions master?" asked James, dumbfounded. "He's too ugly and stupid to be a master!"

-was staring along the staff table at Professor Lupin. It was common knowledge that Snape wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, but even Harry, who hated Snape-

"Smart, Harry," said James. "Everyone hates Snape, and Harry does too. I don't know what I'd have to do to my son if Snape was his favorite teacher..."

-was startled at the expression twisting on his thin, sallow face. It was beyond anger: it was loathing.

"Fine, loathe me all you want," said Remus. "I loathe you too."

"I second that!" James said loudly.

"I second that!" Sirius said, acting as if he hadn't heard James say that he'd seconded it before him.

"Uh.... I fourth it?" said Peter, looking very confused on what number he was supposed to say.

Harry knew that expression only too well; it was the look Snape wore every time he set eyes on Harry.

"Hey! You can't look at my son like that!" shouted James.

"As to our second new appointment," Dumbledore continued as the lukewarm applause for Professor Lupin died away. "Well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to tell you that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at one another, stunned. Then they joined in with the applause, which was tumultuous at the Gryffindor table in particular. Harry leaned forward to see Hagrid, who was ruby-red in the face and staring down at his enormous hands, his wide grin hidden in the tangle of his black beard.

"We should've known!" Ron roared, pounding the table. "Who else would've assigned us a biting book?"

"Er, a really crazy person?" asked Peter.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the last to stop clapping, and as Professor Dumbledore started speaking again, they saw that Hagrid was wiping his eyes on the tablecloth.

"But that's unsanitary!" said Peter.

"What would you know about sanitation?" asked Sirius.

"Hey! I just thought he should get a napkin or something!" Peter retorted.

"Well, I think that's everything of importance," said Dumbledore. "Let the feast begin!"

The golden plates and goblets before them filled suddenly with food and drink. Harry, suddenly ravenous, helped himself to everything he could reach and began to eat.

"I bet those Dursleys don't feed him properly," grumbled James.

It was a delicious feast; the hall echoed with talk, laughter, and the clatter of knives and forks. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, however, were eager for it to finish so that they could talk to Hagrid. They knew how much being made a teacher would mean to him. Hagrid wasn't a fully qualified wizard; he had been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year for a crime he had not committed. It had been Harry, Ron, and Hermione who had cleared Hagrid's name last year.

"And Harry clears names too!" said James happily. "Oh, I love my son more and more."

At long last, when the last morsels of pumpkin tart had melted from the golden platters, Dumbledore gave the word that it was time for them all to go to bed, and they got their chance.

"Congratulations, Hagrid!" Hermione squealed as they reached the teachers' table.

"All down ter you three," said Hagrid, wiping his shining face on his napkin as he looked up at them.

"Which is kind of funny, because normally he'd be looking down at them," Sirius commented.

"Can' believe it...great man, Dumbledore...came straight down to me hut after Professor Kettleburn said he'd had enough...It's what I always wanted..."

Overcome with emotion, he buried his face in his napkin, and Professor McGonagall shooed them away.

"At least he got a napkin," said Peter.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione joined the Gryffindors streaming up to the marble staircase and, very tired now, along more corridors, up more and more stairs, to the hidden entrance to Gryffindor Tower. A large portrait of a fat lady in a pink dress asked them, "Password?"

"Ah, she's still there," said Remus.

"Coming through, coming through!" Percy called from behind the crowd. "The new password's 'Fortuna Major'!"

"Oh no," said Neville Longbottom sadly. He always had trouble remembering the passwords.

"Ooh, well that's bad, isn't it?" Peter said.

Through the portrait hole and across the common room, the girls and boys divided toward their separate staircases. Harry climbed the spiral stair with no thought in his head except how glad he was to be back. They reached their familiar, circular dormitory with its five four-poster beds, and Harry, looking around, felt he was home at last.

"Aww, how nice," said James fondly. "He's home!"

"That's the end of chapter five," said Remus.

"Come on, keep going!" said Peter.

"Don't make us wait now!" said Sirius. "We have to go see you teach!"

"I told you, I may not be that good," said Remus.

"Stop putting yourself down, of course you will be. I'm the murderer here, so if I'm saying something nice, you better accept it!" Sirius protested.

"Can we just read the next chapter?" asked Peter again.

"We have to hear more about the wonderful things of my wonderful son!" said James eagerly.

So Remus turned the page and got ready to read the next chapter.