Crimson Ink

Dear Charlie,

Why did I bring him back? I’m so stupid, to have been caught under his spell again. How could I have listened to every little word he said? I should have known it was too good to be true. It’s always too good to be true. I should have learned; nothing’s ever that perfect.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, but I really don’t, even though I want to so much, it would just make things easier, he’s still so perfect and everything I’ve dreamed of and more, and I’m wishing with all my heart that he’s noticed me.

He’s even made me forget about Harry. I thought I’d never forget about Harry. But I have. And it’s because of Tom.

Just, how can he be so horrible? We always get into rows about the stupidest things, and he turns all mean and nasty, shedding his cool exterior and baring his fangs. He’s so utterly vicious when he wants to be. And he makes me think I deserved it. He makes me hate myself for being so imperfect, so unlike him, I guess.

I don’t deserve that. He makes it all so horrible, yet I still can’t hate him.

Oh, this is just so complicated, I wish it would go away. I wish things would go back to the way they used to be, before Tom, when I wasn’t ever this tormented by anything.

Before Tom…was there ever such a time? I can’t remember anymore.

I think I’d die without him.

And that’s just such a scary thought…he can’t go away. Ever.

Why am I telling you all this? There’s no way at all you’d understand. You didn’t even understand about Harry really, it was just some "cute little girl’s thing" to you. You thought I’d get over him.

But I didn’t. You just didn’t understand what it was like for me.

I don’t think you ever will.

I am going to burn these later. So that you and no one else on this world will ever see me pouring my heart to a bundle of letters I’m never going to send. At least then I can watch the smoke as the fire eats them up.

But that can wait until later. I’m far too worked up now to stop.

I was asking him to tell me what he told Harry, because I wanted to know if he’d told Harry anything important. I know he said he hadn’t, but I really don’t trust him. There’s something about the way he says things that you can never be really sure whether he’s being sarcastic or not.

I think I got him really mad, and he finally blew up at me and said he’d told Harry absolutely everything and that I was an annoying little brat who never shut up and was totally in love with him and that he shouldn’t ever talk to me because it’d only make me worse, and that I was forming a Harry Potter Fan Club with Colin.

That last part wasn’t true. We’re only thinking of it. Haven’t really gotten around to making any definite plans just yet.

I was so shocked. And then I just kind of let out this nervous laugh and said it was a good joke.

He asked me who said he was joking. Those were his exact words, "Who says I’m joking?"

And I really thought he wasn’t joking. My blood ran cold and I just slammed his cover shut and threw him on the floor and buried my face in my pillow. I know how red I must have been. So lucky that no one else was there, otherwise they would have wondered why I was getting so upset at a diary that I was writing in.

I’m really babbling today, aren’t I? It’s because I’m so jittery, and I still haven’t the slightest clue whether he was joking or not. I hope he wasn’t. He wouldn’t ever do that, he said so himself…right?

I need to get rid of him. Every part of my body is protesting that thought, but I really do. He’s destroying me completely, bit by bit. I can feel it already, I feel ready to cry whenever I’m away from him. I’ve taken to carrying him in the pocket of my robes so I don’t start blubbering in the middle of class.

Guess this means the library. Though I don’t know where to start looking. I wish I could get Hermione to help me. She’s good at this sort of thing. Since according to Ron, she practically lives at the library. Though so has he, lately. Him, Hermione and Harry have been hurrying there every time I pass them in the halls. I wonder what’s going on. Ron absolutely detests research of any kind. I think they’re up to something.

Oh, and I almost forgot this! It’s this one thing that has me bubbly even after all the horrible things that’ve happened. I swear, you wouldn’t believe this!

Percy was kissing someone! Our own dear Percy, our stiff and prissy and unfeeling Percy, sneaking away to kiss someone in an empty classroom! She’s a prefect too, from Ravenclaw I think, according to her badge at least…

Unfortunately they saw me. And he made me promise not to tell. But this isn’t really telling, is it, since I’m not saying anything. Just writing. And he didn’t ever say I couldn’t write it…

Love,

Ginny

Dear Charlie,

Research is so tiring. I don’t know how Hermione can do it so much. After a while, the words just don’t make sense any more and the lines run together and you’re just staring at dots on the page. I’m seeing spots, even now. I swear, I thought Ron was a textbook when I walked in the door.

At least I’ve found out some things. That is, if Tom’s what I’ve guessed him to be. A spirit of some kind, I think. Since you can’t really trap people in diaries…it’d take some really powerful spell to do that.

He’s here because of me. That’s just unbelievable, since I’ve been trying so hard to get rid of him. But it turns out that spirits and such can’t come in unless you invite them. I can’t remember inviting him. Though I do remember wishing for someone I could talk to. It’s hard living in a family with six brothers, in a house in the middle of nowhere. There’s no one at all to tell your secrets too.

May sound strange, but it’s something I’ve always felt I needed to do. I used to flip through Daddy’s Ministry reports when I was bored, and according to them, most of the incidents happened because people were burying everything inside them, and one day, they just snapped. It happens with Muggles too. Sometimes, they get to hating everything so much that they even kill themselves. I can’t ever imagine doing that. No matter how upset I get.

And I do get very upset. Lots of times. You know how I am Charlie; you’ve seen me throw my fits. And have my nervous breakdowns. And shut myself up in room and refuse to come out.

I wonder if Tom’s ever felt that way. So trapped and tortured that he just couldn’t stand it anymore.

Yes.

Tom?

Yes.

What are you doing here? How can you even be here? Aren’t you limited to that diary of yours? Are you spying on me? How dare you spy on my personal letters! Don’t you have any respect for my privacy?

Didn’t think it mattered that much to you. It’s only a letter to your brother, after all.

You’re reading it! Stop that!

I’m only here because I missed you, sweetie.

Yeah right.

I wasn’t going to say anything-

That only makes it worse!

-but then you asked that question.

What ques- oh…that question.

Yes, that one.

I didn’t even notice.

Who’s being the thoughtless one now?

Shut up.

All right then, since I’m not wanted…

No, I didn’t mean it that way! Your shutting up does defeat the whole purpose of you being here, doesn’t it?

That it does, my dear.

Now, about that question-

I’ve already answered it.

And your answer wa- oh nevermind, I’ll go look myself, if it’s still there. It’s impossible to get a straight answer out of you!

Only part of my charm, Gin. I’ll wait for you.

Oh, you have! That’s so sad!

I’ve gotten past that.

Do you still want to?

Want to what?

Well…you know…the thing you were doing before…

And that would be?

You know perfectly well what I’m talking about, Tom! You’re just doing this to make me mad.

And it seems to be working, doesn’t it?

Tom…please…

Like I said, I’ve gotten past that.

Tom, what happened? Why won’t you tell me? I can help you, I really can! Haven’t I been here for you, and talked to you, and told you all my secrets? Why won’t you tell me yours? Tell me what happened to you that made you so horribly upset! And when you tried it, and why, and what made you so horribly upset, and what stopped you, at least I’m guessing something stopped you, since you’re still here today…Oh, I want to know! Tell me!

Sweetie, control yourself.

Why Tom, why?

I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t be such a busybody.

Hey, you’re the one who was spying on my letter!

…

You see Charlie, he just makes me so mad. And I try so hard to control myself and I just can’t, and I tell myself that it isn’t really his fault, but even I know that’s not true, it is his fault.

He always twists everything around, and makes it seem like I’m the one that’s doing things wrong. And for that split second while he says it, I believe him.

He’s just so manipulative, so horrible, so mean and nasty and merciless and harsh and he hasn’t an ounce of good in him. Most of the time.

And then there’s that other little bit I’ve seen of him. Him comforting me and giving me a shoulder to cry on when I’ve been upset, being sweet and caring and giving me pet names and words of sympathy…almost a bit like you.

Now I know what they mean when they talk about two-faced people.

Well, I’m back off to the library. To look for yet more spells…maybe if I look hard enough, I’ll finally find one that can defeat him.

Love,

Ginny

~

You’re not going to find anything.

"Shut up Tom," said Ginny as she rifled through the shelves of books in the library. The air had a musty feel to it, and she coughed as a cloud of dust flew out from the volume she was holding. The little lamp beside her trembled dangerously, but she managed to catch it before it hit the ground.

I know what you’re trying to do. It won’t work. You can’t destroy me.

"Everything can be destroyed," she muttered, leafing through the pages.

But I’m different. You go ahead and try. It won’t work.

"There’s plenty of powerful spells I’ll bet you’ve never even heard about," she told him. Madam Pince, who was passing by, gave her an odd look, and she smiled apologetically. "Now you’ve got the librarian thinking I’m crazy!" she muttered angrily.

Aren’t you? She could hear a smirk at the edges of his words. It’s not like you’re really talking to someone.

"And you don’t consider yourself someone?"

Now she could almost see him smile. Sweetie, I’m in a group all my own.

She lost her temper. "Why are you still here?!" she stormed. "It’s not like I’m writing to you or anything! Go away!"

"Shhhhhhh!" ten different students from a nearby table hissed at her. She only glared at them.

He only laughed. Now Gin, don’t be stupid. You know the answer to that. You were even saying so in your letter to that brother of yours.

"So you were reading my letter!" she seethed at him.

It only made him laugh more. You invited me, he said simply. Or rather, in your exact words, "He’s here because of me. That’s just unbelievable, since I’ve been trying so hard to get rid of him. But it turns out that spirits and such can’t come in unless you invite them. I can’t remember inviting him. Though I do remember wishing for someone I could talk to."

She was so mad, she began to throw the book at him, before she remembered that he wasn’t actually there. "I hope you die," she spat at him. "And I hope I’m the one to bring that death to you. And I’m going to make it slow and torturous and painful and very very bloody. I’ll make it hell."

Sweetie, I’ve been through hell. Worse a hell than a little girl like you could deliver. And I’ve come through it just fine.

"Physically, maybe," she snorted. "You’re more than a little screwed in the head."

There’s a thin line between insanity and genius.

"And that line is no more than a dot to you."

How utterly clever.

And that was when Ginny lost it. That was when she snapped. All the comments he had made to her, all the sarcasm and nastiness came whirling back, and she just couldn’t take it anymore. Gathering up all the books that she could carry, all books full of incredibly advanced spells, she walked calmly up to Madam Pince’s desk.

"I’d like to take these out, please."

Madam Pince stared at her sternly over a pair of wire-rimmed glasses as her hands made the motions. "I don’t want you making a scene in here again, Miss Weasley," she said. "I’ll let it go this once, but never again."

"Of course," said Ginny, picking up her things and waltzing out the door, wondering briefly when she had made a scene.

As soon as she got to her dorm, she dropped everything on her bed, and went to the window, facing the cloudy skies. Her steps were slow and grave, her face pale and submissive. "All right Tom," she said quietly. "Let’s do it your way."

"I give up. I’m yours for the taking. Do whatever horrible things you want with me, because I just don’t care anymore."

And Tom laughed. Thank you sweetie. I am going to have fun with you.

~

Dear Charlie,

Maybe what I did was stupid. Maybe I made the wrong decision. Maybe it’ll affect my future in ways I can’t even guess at. Make me miserable for the rest of my life…

But for now, right this moment, it’s given me peace. He doesn’t haunt me anymore, because he knows I’ve given him complete control.

I really am insane, aren’t I? Letting someone I know who’s done awful things in the past tell me what to do. He’s probably going to make me do something I’ll really regret. Something I’ll feel so guilty about that I’ll…oh, I don’t know. I’ve never really felt truly guilty before.

At least it’s gotten rid of my insomnia. At least…oh, what am I saying? I’m a fool who made a selfish decision. A deal with the devil, perhaps. And I’m never going to forgive myself if I do anything horrible to the ones I love. Really, what was I thinking?

Sweetie, it’s time.

He calls and I come. How simple it is.

Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later, Charlie.

Love,

Ginny

~

Ginny made her way silently down the hallway, listening for the slightest movement in the pipes. She heard all the laughter of the students, echoing down the corridors, but she paid them no attention.

Turn left now.

From somewhere in her head, Tom gave her the instructions. She supposed it really wasn’t much worse than before. He had taken control of her before too, doing whatever he felt like with her. She still didn’t know what he had done then. She had a vague idea, and somewhere deep in the back of her head, she knew, the rest of her just didn’t want to admit it because it was too horrible to think about.

Take a right. No, not that right. Your other right.

At least now she knew what was going on. Just…did she really want to know what was going on?

Can you go a tad faster sweetie? I hear him up ahead.

At least Tom was being nicer. At least he wasn’t ordering her around, or screaming at her. Or worse, that quiet voice he took on, the voice full of venom, when he was really mad. She hated it when he was like that. She wouldn’t have minded the yelling. Just that he sat there, glaring at her and taunting her…

Take the second door on your right now.

She knew where she was. It was the first floor girl’s bathroom. The one she had thrown his diary in when she had wanted to get rid of him. The one where nobody wanted to go because Moaning Myrtle was always in there, making a scene.

Now walk over to the sink.

She did so, taking a quick peek over her shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

Myrtle’s not there, came Tom’s calming voice. She knows I’m here and she doesn’t like it.

"Why?" asked Ginny.

She’s a bit scared of me.

He sounded triumphant. Ginny hated it.

"Oh, so you like it when people are scared of you?"

Of course. Really sweetie, you should have known I would say that. Don’t get upset at me now, I know you are. We’re just different in that aspect.

"We’re different in many ways," she muttered.

Oh stop it. I won’t have any of your childish bitterness. Just do as I say, all right? Since you did give me complete control…

She could hear a smirk at the end of that last bit. "Don’t remind me."

Now that that’s clear, lean towards the pipes.

"The what?"

The pipes, Ginny, how much simpler could I put it. Good. Now, what do you know about Parseltongue?

"Parseltongue? It’s supposed to be the mark of Dark wizards. Salazar Slytherin spoke it, and supposedly it was passed down through all his descendents. Harry knows it too, even though I’m sure he’s not a descendent of Slytherin."

Really now. I had no idea our dear friend Harry knew it as well.

"You’re lying Tom."

Have I really gotten that bad at it that you could see through me so easily?

"You wanted me to see through it."

Ahhh, getting smarter, aren’t you sweetie? Well, I know Parseltongue too. And I need you to speak it.

"But I don’t know how."

You don’t need to know how, just open up your mind and let me through. I’ll take it from there.

Ginny did as he asked, and to her amazement, heard a slithering sound come from her lips. An answering, sounding almost identical to her ears, came from the pipes.

"How did you do that?"

Which sweetie, the talking through you or just the talking?

"Both, I guess."

It doesn’t really matter. I need you to go out of the bathroom now. Just walk down the halls. And keep your mind open; I need you to talk a bit more.

"You mean you need to talk through me a bit more."

Is there really a difference?

Ginny opened her mouth to answer, then closed it again as she heard a distinct sound from the walls. She realized with a start that they were no longer in the bathroom, instead, they were near the library. She hadn’t even felt her feet moving. The sound of something banging against metal. "What was that?" she asked.

What we came to get.

"And that would be…"

The sound became louder and Ginny felt goosebumps form on her arms. What kind of thing was this, this creature that lived in the pipes and understood every word that Tom was slithering to it? That perhaps was obeying his every order, though she couldn’t really be sure.

This way sweetie, I see someone at the end of the hallway.

"Why would you want to see-" she started, but was interrupted by his urgent command.

Quick now, close your eyes!

Even as she did so, Ginny could feel the blinding flash that seemed to penetrate through her eyelids that burned at her eyes even after it was gone. She staggered backwards until she hit a wall, and used it to sink down slowly to the ground.

"What was that?" shed asked weakly.

Our task is done. He sounded pleased. Look upon what we’ve achieved now, sweetie, and feel proud that you had a part of it.

Slowly, Ginny opened her eyes, and gasped with shock and disgust.

On the ground just past the corner, lay Penelope Clearwater and Hermione, both paralyzed, looking almost as if they were dead. In Penelope’s hand was a small hand held mirror, and Hermione’s lips were open, having just spoken.

How weak they are. Tom laughed, and she shuddered at the sound. But not you, sweetie. You showed that to me when you surrendered to my will.

And Ginny felt that anxious fear in her heart, knowing that she had taken part in this, that she hadn’t done a thing to stop it, that she had even encouraged it, maybe. She had done this, to her brother’s secret girlfriend and her other brother’s best friend.

She hated herself.

Well sweetie? Aren’t you going to celebrate?

Celebrate, she thought. How could I ever celebrate? I can’t believe I ever did this. that I was weak enough to submit to him. I’m just as much a monster as he is.