The Last Kiss

Bittersweet Homecoming

~Epilogue~

The flash of light burned his eyes, filling his vision as it pierced his flesh. He could feel its power course through his body, the pain such that he was actually numb to it, like it wasn't real, only a dream. But the light... the light was all he could comprehend in the eternity it took for his frame to begin to fall backward.

He knew he was falling; yet, it seemed surreal. It wasn't truly happening, it had to be a dream. His body didn't even feel like his own. His legs felt detached, his arms like heavy weights, his head floating. Willing his hands to reach out, them remained motionless. A soft tingle radiated through his flesh, in his very blood, as his hair gently whipped in his face from the motion.

Yes, he was falling.

Harry. He could hear him crying out, muffled as if from miles away, but his lips wouldn't move, his desperate cries in reply caught in his lungs, unable to escape- to leave his lips to give his dear godson, the only son he ever knew, even the smallest sign of recognition, of comfort. He would be all right. Somehow, he knew he would be.

And still he fell...

The darkness of the veil wasn't perceived as the echo of Bella's spell reverberated in his eyes. Light. Blinding light. But it was felt. It had sunk deep into his chest, and continued to give his otherwise lifeless form a pulse unlike one he ever felt from his own heart before. Slow, painfully slow, and hard enough that it felt as though the blood pumping through the swollen chambers would cause them to rupture.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Like an ill wind, he felt the still air engulf him as the slightest touch of the veil brushed his hand. The light was fading, being replaced with black. How it suited him perfectly. Black. As black as the despair that dragged him into near madness at the hands of that damned little flower; the only way he ever got to see his daughter, hear her, hold her... as she bled to death in Renae's arms.

Death.

The motionless air behind the veil wasn't cold, warm, stale, or noticeable in any way other than that it was dead. Nothing- a void. Lacking all that which we perceive as atmosphere. No scent, no movement. Like the tiny girl's body he once cradled in his arms, her blood spilling down his robes in a mere memory. Renae's memory that she preserved for him; a memory he often felt he'd rather not have experienced all the same. One he had relived so often, he could describe the events down to the last cloud of smoke.

He never felt his body land...

His eyes closed, he felt the warmth of the sun beating down on him as he sat by the lake's edge. How he got there, he didn't question. He just was.

A light breeze blew, the smell of lavender and hyacinth in its wake as he slowly trailed his fingertips in the grass at his sides, their blades brushing his fingers like the soft bristles of a brush. Birds in a nearby tree sang happily as the plop of a frog diving into the water met his ears. All around him was life, when before there had been so much death. Too much death.

Breathing in the fresh air, he raised his face towards the sun's bright rays, and slowly opened his eyes to peer at the painfully bright light as if for the first time. Contentment. Peace. They were new to him... foreign emotions he couldn't recall ever feeling before, or at least since he was a young child. It was glorious. It was a dream; for there could be no way he could find such peace otherwise.

The park. The lake. He remembered them, though it had been so long since he last been there. In his memories, he remembered Harry's first birthday, when they all came together to celebrate. All of them- Peter before he betrayed them, Remus before the events at Hogwarts revealed his condition, the Potters alive, and Renae... Renae before they parted terribly because of his own secrecy. But the park was empty now; he was alone in this dream.

As he leaned back on his elbows, he took it all in, memorizing every detail of his surrounds down to the grasshopper on his shoe. He enjoyed every second. No worries, no regrets.

"Sirius..."

He spun his head around to see his best friend standing behind him, Lily on his arm. They looked just as he remembered- in their prime, so full of life and love. In a way, it pained him to see they like this, for he always felt they had been taken too early.

"James!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, tears welling up in his eyes as he grabbed his friend, pulling him into the tightest embrace he had ever given the man. Compared to James, he now appeared decades older with his few gray hairs and worry lines etched into his face. Words failed him as he let hot tears stream down his cheeks. It never occurred to him why he was there, or how James had come to be. Only that he was.

James Potter returned his embrace, tears forming in his eyes as well as he held his dear friend for as long as he could. Sirius closed his eyes as he felt his friend's embrace crush him. Never before had they ever displayed their love for each other like this. They were brothers long separated, now reunited.

Had it really been fourteen years? Was this all some dream from which he would soon awaken, his heart shattering into more indescribable pieces than when he found his friends' lifeless bodies amid the rubble of their home? If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake. Finally, Sirius pulled back, a smile on his face as he looked back and forth between the two. So far, they hadn't disappeared.

His friend's face was as damp as his own, but his eyes were glistening from the tears as his smile warmed Sirius' heart. Lily stood wiping at her emerald eyes in an attempt to dry them, her face as kind and warm as he remembered. She was beautiful. They were both beautiful.

Beautiful, but were they real?

"James, Lily," he began in almost a whisper, "You seem so real," he said smiling, half afraid that by saying as much, they'd disappear like any normal apparition, for they couldn't be real.

"We are Sirius," the redhead replied, a soft smile on her lips as she again took James' arm. James only nodded as he covered her hand with his own, a smile on his face as well.

At first Sirius chuckled lightly, until he remembered falling... the light. "You mean I'm..."

Again, James merely nodded in response, a look of subtle sadness in his eyes. Sirius felt like the world suddenly dropped out from under him as it all came back to him. Bellatrix, the light, the pain, Harry screaming his name, and then the veil.

"Oh Merlin, but Harry... I can't leave him now, not with Voldemort back!"

James grabbed his shoulder, his fingers lightly pressing into him, as his face remained as calm as ever, even with the touch of sadness in his gaze. "He's fine. They all are, for now at least," he reassured Sirius softly.

"I can't be here!" Sirius shouted, his words frantic as he pulled back from his friend, "I can't leave Harry alone out there! I promised you I'd look after him. I..."

Lily interrupted this time, trying to head off the hysterics many fell into before fully accepting their fate. Putting her delicate hand on his arm to steady him, she looked deep into his eyes, her emerald ones always so full of wisdom; he had always found it hard to not listen to her. "Harry will be fine," she said, soothingly, "You've done all you can for him; we couldn't have asked more of you. It's time you joined us, Sirius."

"But Lily..." Sirius stopped as his friend's wife placed her hands on either side of his face, drawing his gaze deeper into her eyes, explaining everything to him without a word being spoken. Her eyes, they were just like Harry's. Of course they were, he had their strength, his mother's wit, and James' will. Harry would be fine; he still had many friends to help him. In Lily's eyes, he saw their gratitude for all he had done, however little it seemed to him, but he was still glad he hadn't disappointed them.

Slowly, he felt himself calming down. The smile on Lily's face was hard to look upon without breaking into one as well. He was here now; there was nothing he could do anyways. His time had past.ow, he was once again with his friends- his adopted brother and his wife. The only family he had ever truly called his own, except for the one he had, and yet never knew. Renae and Perdita.

"Someone else is here to see you," Lily said, smiling at James before looking back at Sirius. "While you watched over Harry for us, we watched over her for you. She's been waiting to see you." Stepping aside, she revealed a small girl, about three, who stood clinging to the back of Lily's robes. The tiny figure had her thumb in her mouth as her long raven hair blew in the breeze, her hazel eyes smiling.

"Perdita," he whispered in disbelief. Looking over at James, his friend smiled, putting a gentle hand on the girls back as he led her towards him. Sirius knelt down, tears spilling down his cheeks once again. Why he even bothered to try and hold them back at all, he didn't know, this entire reunion had him overjoyed to the point of tears. So different from the tears he shed for his little girl before. He could recall the number of times he had sat in his room at Grimmauld Place, Buckbeak in the corner, as he slipped into the violet's memories to see her precious little face, yet he still hadn't expected her to be this beautiful

To actually see her through his own eyes!

Perdita had Renae's eyes. He was sure of it now as his gaze locked with hers.

Slowly the girl stepped forward, a questioning in her eyes as James led her closer to him. Her steps were small and reluctant as she began to look him over from head to toe, as if trying to determine if he was as real as she appeared to him. Did she even realize who he truly was?

Standing only a few inches from him, her eyes suddenly widened and she withdrew her tiny thumb as a smile spread on her lips. "I know you," she declared, a giggle in her voice. Her tiny eyes glistening as Renae's use to and it nearly broke his heart. "I've been watching you. Aunt Lily said you would come to see me one day.&rdqu;

"Yes," he managed to utter as he chocked down the lump that had formed in his throat, his head slowly nodding in agreement, "I came to see you."

Perdita was absolutely beautiful, even more so than Renae. The tiny girl was the most wonderful thing he had ever done in his life, and never knew about it until she gone, and now... now she was standing before him for the first time and Sirius wanted nothing more than to embrace the little angel and shower her with the love she deserved. The love he never had the chance to give her.

Until now.

"Are you going to stay?" she asked, twisting her one little foot up onto its toes as her hands went behind her back. The tiny girl couldn't possibly appear any moe angelic. She had such innocence... such sweet, glorious innocence. There wasn't enough of it left in the world.

Sirius felt the corners of his mouth slowly rise. "Yes, I'm going to stay." How could he possibly consider doing otherwise? If he was to spend eternity in this place, whatever it may be, he wouldn't want to spend it any other way than with his child.

"Good!" Perdita exclaimed before breaking out in laughter. "We can play. I love to play. And fly! Uncle James said you fly too. Do you? I love Kuodpot, but Uncle James said you played Kidditch. I don't know Kidditch. Can you show me?" Her line of questioning came so suddenly and with such enthusiasm; it took him a moment to process all she had said in her sweet childish voice.

He laughed softly, amazed at the life in those tiny hazel eyes, now looking upon him as he had always hoped they one day would have. He could see now why it was so hard for Renae, letting go of such a sweet child, why she would have even considered lifting her memories of the girl's death. But now he would get to spent eternity with her, get to be the father he had dreamed of, and never have to fear losing her. He may have left so much behind, but to have gained this tiny precious child...

Still smiling, Perdita stopped twisting her little foot and stood firmly on both feet, her eyes full of anticipation as she asked excitedly, "Will Mommy come soon?"

Sirius exchanged glances with Lily and James. Their faces fell just as his did. Without a word spoken between them, he could tell they knew what had befallen Renae. How her soul would never find its way here. She was forever lost. Dear Merlin, how does he explain that to his daughter? ak her tiny heart by telling her her mother would never join them; never embrace her again.

He couldn't. Sirius just couldn't bear the thought of tears in those loving and trusting little eyes.

Gently, Sirius placed his hands on Perdita's arms, rubbing his thumbs back and forth as he stared into her gentle face. "Mommy has to stay there, for now at least. Perhaps one day she can come." He lied. He couldn't bring himself to break her little heart, yet he couldn't tell her she was coming either. Instead, he'd bear the burden of the truth for her.

Perdita looked at him mournfully, tearing his heart out to see her enchanting smile slowly fade with disappointment. He knew she would ask again, and again he would have to lie or worse, one day tell her Renae would never join them. Mommy wouldn't be coming. Doing his best to keep some semblance of a smile on his face, Sirius pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tiny frame.

Her little arms wrapped around his neck, her face pressing up against his as the warmth of her cheek finally brought back his smile. Oh, what he wouldn't give to hold her like this forever! He pet her soft hair, smelling the faint scent of violets drifting from her head. A wet warmth suddenly hit his neck and trickled down, dampening his shirt. She was crying.

Pulling her back, he brushed her hair out of her face and cupped her tiny cheek in his hand. "What's wrong Perdita?" he asked softly, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

Sniffling, her little eyes clouded by tears, her lips quivered as she answered, "I missed you Daddy." He lost all composure. That one word, one simple little word that from her, meant everything to him... Daddy.

He pulled her to him again, his hand holding her head to his chest as he closed his eyes, hot tears streaming uncontrollably as he sobbed, "I missed you too."