The Last Kiss

Innocent!

~12~

"Perdita!"

The dense air around her was filled with smoke and dust. Renae struggled to free her legs from the limp body of a wizard, a large piece of steel railing lodged in his forehead as his blood dripped onto her mangled robes. Pushing to free herself from the lifeless corpse that was pinning her down, a young wizard, his face covered in dark ash, stooped down and helped lift the dead man's body from on top of her.

"Thanks," she muttered, realizing the body belonged to the wizard who had been sitting in front of her, holding the Colonial Seer. The young wizard moved on to help others as an engorged lump climbed into her throat, her heart racing. If this is what happened to the wizard in front of us, then...

Panic stricken, she scrambled to find her daughter. Her ankle burned with each step, but she ignored it, nothing mattered but her little girl.

Slowly the smoke was rising, making the horror of the aftermath even more repulsive than when it was half shrouded in the gray cloud. Bodies were scattered amongst the rubble, blood painting the scene as limbs without owners were strewn about like confetti that had been thrown into the wind.

Forcing down a wave of nauseous, Renae took a step forward and collapsed. Grabbing her ankle, she realized it was broken, the pain of the now protruding bone was excruciating. Not willing to give up, she began to crawl on her knees to get to the pile of bodies in front of her. She would check every last one if she had to.

"Miss," the young wizard who had helped free her earlier knelt down beside her, "you shouldn't be moving with your ankle like that."

"My daughter, I have to find my daughter." She willed the tears threatening to fall, back.

"What's her name?"

"Perdita."

"What does she look like?" Apparently he was going to help her search for the missing child.

"She's three, with long black hair. She wore a Fighters t-shirt today." The man nodded and walked forward, leaving Renae behind.

A moment later, the young man returned, and without a word, he took her arm. Helping her up, he waited for her to balance on her good foot, then, letting her use him as a crutch, they made their way around the corpses heaped before them.

Renae fell to her knees as she caught a glimpse of a tiny hand, still grasping a black and blue flag. Quickly, she reached out and put her arms around the small body, pulling it to her; the flag falling from its owners grasp.

The girl's head fell back, her long black hair, matted with blood. Setting Perdita in her lap, Renae pulled the limp body of her daughter into a tight embrace. Her right hand felt the young girl's blood still flowing out of the back of her head. She looked asleep, her face unharmed, her eyes closed. Renae rocked back and forth with her child pressed against her breast, lightly humming a lullaby.

As the tears finally flowed down her face, she kissed the cold forehead she had nuzzled under her chin. Dear Merlin please, don't take her from me! Let some miracle save her! In her mind she couldn't plead enough.

Renae was finding it hard to breath as she looked down into Perdita's pale face, her arms drenched in her daughter's blood. She pulled the lifeless body to her breast once more. Closing her eyes, she lifted her face to the heavens, and let out the blood-curdling scream of a mother who's lost her young.

**~~~~~**

Harry was shaking violently as the flower fell from his hand. His clothes stuck to his sweat drenched body. Tears were streaming endlessly down his cheeks as his heart threatened to break through his ribs.

Feeling Renae's grief was real. Too Real, he thought. His throat even felt hoarse as if he had indeed let out that heart wrenching sound himself. Perhaps I did. Standing, his legs trembled as he walked to his table to make some tea to calm his nerves.

Seeing the scene of his parents' bodies amid the rubble of their home, he had anticipated, and apparently prepared himself enough for. This, however, was not something he would ever have imagined. Sirius' daughter, limp and lifeless, in his arms; blood pouring from her tiny head, as he rocked the dead child's body, singing it to its eternal sleep.

Envisioning the sight, he felt his stomach lurch and he quickly leaned over a waste bin to vomit.

I can't do this. I can't relive any more of their lives; it's too much!

He sat by the table, staring at the seemingly innocent violet on his desk. To the unsuspecting eye, something so beautiful, so delicate, seemed unlikely to harbor horrific memories such as the one Harry had just experienced.

Running his hand through his normally untidy hair, he tried to decide what to do. He greatly desired to know these untold stories of his godfather's life, yet he was beginning to wonder whether or not he could handle it. Maybe even Sirius couldn't.

As he sat there, again staring at the small flower, he felt his body calming down, and his heart beat steadying. He had to know. He had relived this much, why stop now. Perhaps the worst is over?

It was then that he noticed how dark his office had become. His clock said it was only six-thirty; he should have left an hour and a half ago. Night had fallen outside, and the room was now only lit by the moonlight seeping through the window from the enchanted wall. There was a full moon out that night. Full moon. Lupin. Did he know anything about Perdita?

It was settled. The time spent reliving their memories past very slowly, and he had effectively peaked his curiosity beyond the point of return. Slowly, he sat back down in the chair behind his desk. Reaching for the violet, he trembled for a moment. Perdita's little face haunted him. Swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat, he gently picked up the tiny flower and let its tingling power inch its way through his body.

As the room dimmed, he whispered one last prayer. "Please, no more death."

**~~~~~**

Sirius hated the fleas, lice, ticks, and the smell of his own urine that no matter how far into his matted fur he pressed his nose, assaulted him almost to the point of tears. The whole of Azkaban reeked of human filth, though most of its inhabitants soon lost all interest in the smell, or life for that matter. Once more, he lifted his hind leg to scratch away the little bloodsuckers. I hate fleas!

Years had past, nine actually, though to Sirius it had been an eternity. Everyday was the same. Cover his ears with his paws as the guarding Dementors walked past his cell, gain what sustenance he could from the 'food' given to him, and fight to keep his sanity.

The first task had become second nature. He could sense them from ten cells down now, and had his paws planted firmly over his ears by the time they walked past. Of course, Peter's voice still racked his ears, tearing his heart out, but that couldn't be avoided. At least he felt somewhat better knowing he had tried.

The second task was the easiest. After awhile he no longer noticed the rotting meat or stagnant water, his mind having apparently shut down his sense of taste. It was the third task that took every last waking moment, and strength of will, and that was pushed it to its limit.

Keep my sanity. He chuckled in his head, knowing that every time he thought like this it attracted one of the guards. Keep my sanity?

Sanity.

It didn't seem tangible, like a vague abstraction, rather than a solid concept. What was sanity?

Soundness of mind?

He had sounds in his mind, many actually, all of which repeatedly told him he killed Lily and James.

Mental health?

Yes, I am mental, but health? Who gives a rat's arse about health?

No, he thought, as he looked longingly at the bare ceiling. Sound judgment.

That, he was given...and it was this, Azkaban. Yes, he understood judgment; it was trial that eluded him. Even there he was wrong. Life in Azkaban was a trial, one he fought with every weakened, crazed cell of his being. It was only through his wit to do so as a beast that had aided him thus far...that and the desire to kill Peter.

Peter.

That was his lifeline; his complete and utter need to kill Peter, for framing him. He was innocent, which was not the happiest of thoughts, but then, the Dementors didn't feed off of happy thoughts. So in a way, Peter helped him keep this thin shred of sanity.

His thoughts abruptly stopped when he realized he had a visitor. In the man's hand was a paper.

****

Renae watched the Fourth of July fireworks, tears silently crawling down her cheeks. The beautiful explosions were always a favorite of hers, but also of Perdita. Other than Christmas, the Fourth of July was her daughter's favorite holiday. Though nine years had past, she still celebrated it with melancholy. Joyous in the thought that her daughter was watching the colorful display from the heavens above, and sad that they had only spent that holiday together twice.

As the finale burst into the sky in a fierce display of red, white, and blue, Renae closed her eyes and imagined Perdita laying back on the cool, damp blanket with her, clapping. 'Pretty mommy!'

As the crowd of people around her clapped and cheered, she opened her eyes, and wiped away the tears with her hand.

****

"He's at Hogwarts! He's at Hogwarts!"

Abruptly, he awoke, sweat trickling down his face as he reached under his mangled blanket for the paper. Sirius looked at the picture in the Daily Prophet again. Your not that clever, Peter. The missing toe had been a brilliant extra touch to the scene of his 'murder', but now it served to give him away. A rat. It suits you, you bastard.

~~~*~~~

Some habits hare hard to break. Extremely hard, Renae thought as she picked up her copy of the Colonial Seer and her full cup of coffee, sitting down at her dining room table to sip her breakfast while she read.

Lifting the steaming cup to her lips, she unfolded the paper and dropped the scalding hot liquid down the front of her dressing gown. Normally this unfortunate accident would have sent her screaming into the bathroom to get the hot, drenched clothing off of her and a healing potion onto her burns, but this morning, she felt no pain.

Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban.

Her heartbeat quickened and her mind whirled. How could this happen? No one has ever escaped Azkaban! She began to tremble as she realized what he would no doubt do next, go after the one person who had eluded him that fateful night, Harry. Though she hadn't seen Harry since his first birthday party, almost twelve years before to the day, she read about him in the papers, as well as the letters she and Severus wrote to each other.

Severus wasn't particularly fond of the boy, after all he was a Potter; but he was obliging enough to let Renae know what mishaps and adventures the boy had been involved in over the past two years. The thought of Harry returning to Hogwarts soon eased her mind a little. If Voldemort wasn't fool enough to tackle Dumbledore, surely Sirius wouldn't be.

~~~*~~~

As the term was drawing to a close, Renae began feeling nervous again. Sirius apparently had been fool enough to step foot on Hogwarts grounds, but at least nothing came of it. What made her nervous was the fact that very soon, Harry would be heading back to his muggle relatives to spend the summer. To Renae, it sounded very much like dangling the meat in front of a starving, caged animal, and that was never good. Animals had an extraordinary ability to always get the bait with which you teased them.

Sitting outside the Main Hall of Blakmore Academy, she gazed at the stars about. It was a new moon, and only the stars and distant lampposts gave light to the dark courtyard.

Snap!

In the distance, to her left, she heard the sound of a fallen tree branch being stepped on. Someone was approaching. It was after curfew, so Renae waited silently in the dark, waiting to see if it was a student awaiting detention, or a fellow teacher enjoying the spring evening. She was not the least prepared for the face that appeared in the dim light beside her.

"Remus?"

A smile spread across the man's face. For a moment he looked just as he did the last time she saw him, on Harry's birthday, then he stepped closer and Renae could see the years of toil on his face. His robes still a shambles. He must still be jumping from job to job.

"Hi, Renae."

Renae leaped up and embraced him. "Remus! I can't believe you're here!"

He squeezed her tightly for a moment before releasing her. "We need to talk."

She smiled. "Alright. You want to go back to my classroom? It just over there." Renae pointed to the large brick building to their right, above the doorway was a stone header reading, Sapient Hall. Remus nodded and they headed towards the large structure. "So what have you been doing lately?" she asked, curious as to what his latest profession was.

Opening the large door for her, he answered, "Teaching actually."

"Really? What?" She quickly held up her hand, "Wait, don't tell me. It's either..." she racked her brains to remember his two best subjects, one of which he tutored her in. "Care of Magical Creatures or Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

He laughed. "Defense Against the Dark Arts. By the way, have you gotten any better at that since I last tutored you?"

Reaching her classroom, she stopped and looked over at him as she turned the handle. "Nope, actually, I got worse! You should have seen what happened when I found a boggart in my office last year. Professor Hollins came running in from across the grounds!" He laughed again, following her into the large auditorium.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked as she lit the room with a wave of her wand.

Remus walked over to the door, pulling out his wand, his face now more serious. "Do you mind if I put up some wards and a silencing spell?"

"Help yourself."

Renae pulled two chairs into the center of the lecture floor as Remus secured the privacy of the room. Taking a seat, she watched as he put his wand back in his robes and took the seat across from her. He looked a little uneasy, and from the way he wanted to keep their conversation private, she had a feeling it was something very serious to have brought him there.

"Renae, I really don't know how to tell you this." He crossed his legs, and then quickly uncrossed them.

"Remus, maybe you should just come out with it, you did silence the room after all."

He slapped his hands down on his knees. "Okay, then. Renae... Sirius is innocent."

She choked with his words, and ended up coughing. "Www, what?"

"He wasn't James and Lily's Secret Keeper, Peter was."

She shook her head. "No, Sirius was, he told me."

"At the last minute he thought switching to Peter would be a better idea, because Peter would be the last person anyone would expect the Potters to chose as their Secret Keeper."

"B,but he would have told me!"

"He didn't tell me either, or Dumbledore for that matter! He wanted everyone to think he was still their Secret Keeper, draw attention away from Peter."

She felt the world drop out from under her. Remembering that day when he told her he was going to be the Potter's Secret Keeper, she had asked him why they didn't use Remus or Peter. Oh, Merlin! She gave him the idea. The one time he actually listens to me, and it had to be this!

"How did you find out?" she asked.

Remus proceeded to tell her the events of the night he followed Harry and his friends through the Whomping Willow and into the Shrieking Shack. Renae's mind whirled with all the details he gave, many of which, shocked her.

"Wait, hold on. You're a werewolf?" He nodded. "Sirius, James, and Peter are illegal Animagi?" Another nod. "And Peter's been alive all this time?" A third nod.

Renae was very sure she was going to faint. No, no, no...first of all they would have told me, or at least Sirius would have. And Peter, I saw him die! Her body was tingling as she tried to accept what she had been told.

"Renae, I know this is a lot for you, especially all at once, but I felt you needed to know. He loves you more than you realize and I couldn't let you continue to believe he was a criminal." Remus put his hand on her shoulder, waiting for her to respond.

For the longest time she couldn't form words, only tears. As she sobbed uncontrollably, Remus pulled her to him. She buried her face in his shoulder as he tried to comfort her. The last twelve years of her life had been spent trying to push the one man she had ever loved out of her mind, only to discover he was innocent the whole time. Tears streaming down her cheeks, another thought hit her, and it felt as if two cold hands had plunged into her chest and ripped her heart out.

She quickly looked up at her old friend. "Oh Merlin, Remus...I never told him!"

Holding onto her arms, he asked, "Told him what?"