Confusion At Its Best

Confusion At Its Best

It was a couple of years after the war against Voldemort had been won, and Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were sitting beneath an old oak tree in the grounds of the house Harry now shared with his Godfather, Sirius Black, in Godric's Hollow.

A lot of lives had been lost in the war, including that of the Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. It had been Dumbledore's death that had given Harry the intense hatred that enabled him to finally kill the Dark Lord. Perhaps thankfully, Peter Pettigrew had also died during the war. Nobody, least of all his old friends, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, particularly cared. In fact, they saw it more as a blessing in disguise, albeit not a very good one. Ron and Hermione had begun dating a few months before the battle started, and they were still together and very much in love. Harry had been seeing Ron's sister, Ginny Weasley, for almost as long.

Another life that had been lost in the war was that of Lucius Malfoy. Although he had been fighting on the side of Voldemort, Draco Malfoy had been distraught at his death. Now, however, Draco had come to terms with his grief, and he had kind of become friends with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. This wasn't as strange as most people made it out to be, since Draco had never been as evil as everyone seemed to think. Harry, on the other hand, had never been the do-gooder everyone had classified him as. As a result, the two boys had now formed quite a good friendship.

As the trio sat beneath the tree in relative silence, Ginny and Draco wandered over to them. Ginny sat, but Draco remained standing, shading his eyes from the glare of the mid-afternoon sun. Harry looked up at him, his green eyes sparkling behind his glasses. The blond raised an eyebrow, curiously.

"You can sit down, you know. You don't have to wait for an invitation," Harry told him, gesturing to the ground beside him.

Draco nodded. "I know. I was thinking."

"About what?"

"Life, in general." Draco sat down, and ran a hand loosely through his no-longer gelled back hair.

"What about it?" asked Ron, who had gotten over his intense hatred of the ex-Slytherin.

"Like 'why is the sky blue?'" replied Draco, looking pensive.

"Why is the grass green?" Ginny offered, stroking Harry's hand gently.

Hermione remained silent, for a change.

"Why is it that we only mention some things when they aren't there?" Draco asked, seriously. "I mean, have you ever seen a horseful carriage? Or a strapful gown?"

All heads turned to Hermione and she looked up, startled.

"I... well, I..." she faltered, before admitting, "I don't know."

"Tut, tut, Hermione," came a voice that sounded vaguely familiar. "You always acted so smart back in school."

The gang looked up to see none other than Severus Snape, their old Potions professor, standing by them. Harry's eyes darkened for a fraction of a second, before returning to normal, although no one noticed, except Snape.

"How did you get in?" he asked, in an interrogating fashion.

"There's this thing called a door," Snape began to explain, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ginny gave him a look.

"Well, obviously you came through a door, but who let you in?" Harry corrected himself.

"Black," Snape informed him, with a lot less malice in his voice than he would have had a few years ago. It wasn't that Sirius and Snape were friends, nor even that they liked each other, but they had finally come to some sort of tolerance of each other.

Harry nodded. "Is Remus inside, do you know?" he queried, referring to their old Defence Against the Dark Arts professor and Sirius' best friend.

"Yes, I think so. Why?" Snape asked.

"We were discussing life, and I figured he'd know something about it," Harry said. "Or, at least, he could add to our questions. It's rather interesting, really."

Snape looked directly at Draco. "And you choose to hang around with these people?" he asked.

Draco shrugged. "He's right. It is interesting."

Snape returned to the house at that point, and re-emerged with both Sirius and Lupin. Both men looked intrigued, and the gang could tell immediately that all three wanted some part in this conversation. They crossed the garden and sat down beside the others.

"Mind if we join you?" asked Sirius, his usual mischievous grin in place.

Hermione shook her head. "Not at all."

"English is a crazy language," stated Lupin, surprising them all.

"What makes you say that?" queried Ron, frowning.

"Well, for example, there's no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple," he replied.

"Did you know English muffins weren't invented in England? And French fries weren't invented in France," Draco informed them.

Ron simply shook his head, marvelling at the lunacy of it all.

"Yeah, and how come you can make amends, but not one amend?" Ginny put in.

"And if you have a bunch of odds and ends, and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?" Harry submitted.

"Good question," Snape said, thoughtfully.

"How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?" Ron finally came up with one.

"If we can put one man on the moon, how come we can't put them all there?" asked Hermione. "No offence," she added.

"How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?" Sirius wondered.

"You have to marvel at the lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on," Lupin announced.

"I suppose that's why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible," Snape gave his opinion.

"And where are all those people who are spring chickens, or who would actually hurt a fly?" Draco mused.

"If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?" questioned Ron.

"In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?" Harry sounded rather bemused.

"How can overlook and oversee be opposites, when quite a lot and quite a few are alike?" pondered Hermione.

"Why is it that we have noses that run and feet that smell?" Sirius wondered. That broke the chain.

"Speak for yourself!" cried Ginny, throwing a handful of grass at him.

"I don't think we particularly wanted to hear about your personal hygiene, Black," Snape remarked, the sarcasm having returned to his voice.

Everyone else joined in this tirade against Sirius, except Draco, who was pondering again. Harry noticed, but said nothing, and by the time everyone else realized Draco had gone quiet, he looked about to speak.

"You know, we kind of take English for granted. But, I've been thinking, and if we explore its paradoxes, there seem to be quite a lot."

"What do you mean?" asked Snape, reaching out to flick a loose strand of hair out of Draco's eyes.

The blond smiled appreciatively, before continuing. "Well, quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings aren't square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. That had sounded like something she would generally say, but apparently Draco was smarter than she had originally thought. Perhaps all the things people said about blonds were wrong. Maybe there was such a thing as a smart blond. Draco Malfoy seemed to be living proof.

Then Ginny spoke up again. "If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? It's one goose, two geese, so shouldn't it be one moose, two meese?"

"And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, hammers don't ham, and grocers don't groce?" Harry queried.

"Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane," Lupin offered his expert advice on the topic.

"I know," agreed Hermione. "I mean, if teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?"

"If you wrote a letter, why don't you bote your tongue?" Snape wanted to know.

Ron shrugged. "Why is it that you can comb through annals of history, but not a single annal?"

"How come sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads - which aren't sweet - are meat?" Sirius contemplated.

"And why do you wind up your watch to start it, and wind up an essay to end it?" asked Harry, growing ever more confused.

"And have you ever met a sung hero? And why do they always talk of unrequited love, but never requited?" Hermione wondered.

"Exactly," said Ginny. "And when have you ever heard of someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable?"

"Why do they call it the human race, when it isn't a race at all?" Draco queried.

"And if it is a race," Harry added. "How do you win, and where is the finish line?"

"Moving on to religion," Snape announced. "How was Jesus born on the 25^th of December when December wasn't invented?"

Sirius nodded. "For once, I agree with you. And why are Christians waiting for the second coming of Jesus when he rose again? Wouldn't that be the second coming? So why don't they call it the third coming?"

"Who invented swear words, and why hasn't he or she been put into history books? I'm sure it would be a lot more interesting than Goblin Rebellions," Ron publicized.

"Who named the countries, and who decided to call things what they are? Why is a pencil called a pencil?" Ginny inquired.

"Why does time work the way it does? Who's to say they didn't get the first ever sundial the wrong way round? Perhaps, night is supposed to be day, and day is supposed to be night," Harry speculated.

"Who's to say what's right or wrong?" asked Draco.

"Who decided aliens should be aliens? We could be the aliens, who knows?" Lupin told them.

Just then, Hermione's Muggle wristwatch began beeping furiously. It was so loud in the semi-silence of the group that everyone jumped. Hermione quickly switched it off and looked up, only to see that everyone was looking at her.

"We're supposed to be going to the Burrow for tea!" she exclaimed. "I completely forgot. Molly will be wondering where we are," Hermione referred to Ron and Ginny's mum.

"Oh, Merlin's pyjamas! Harry's coming, too, so she'll be sure to have made a big feast and invited everyone round..." Ron began to panic.

"We'd better get going now," Ginny insisted, looking worried. "Sorry, see you soon."

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny hastily made their goodbyes, before Disapparating with a small 'pop'. Their departure made the others realize what time it must be, and Snape said goodbye and returned to his house, which was quite nearby. Lupin lived just next-door, and so was almost constantly visiting Sirius and Harry, and decided that he, too, should probably be thinking about leaving. He didn't bother to Disapparate, preferring instead to walk the short journey home. Sirius retired inside and invited Draco to come in for a while, but Draco said he needed to get back to Narcissa, who would be all alone at the Manor by that time. Saying a short goodbye, and leaving a message for Harry when he returned, Draco left as well.

Sirius closed the kitchen door behind him and walked into the front room. The house hadn't changed much since he had been put into Azkaban, but it still seemed strange to him that Lily and James no longer lived just around the corner. He could still remember the day they had asked him to be Harry's Godfather. How proud he had felt that they had chosen him above Remus and Peter. He could still hear their voices if he tried hard enough. Relaxing on his back on the sofa he had bought with Remus and James not long after they finished school, Sirius asked a final query aloud.

"Who decides who gets to live and who dies? Why do some people die when they didn't do anything wrong? Where's the fairness in that?"

When he didn't get an answer, Sirius frowned and closed his eyes. Almost immediately, he fell into a deep sleep in which he saw James and Lily again. They looked exactly as he remembered them, and they told him to forgive himself for their deaths. They told him how glad they were that he was bringing up Harry so well and that there was something they needed to show him. They led him to a strange place that Sirius could neither explain nor describe, and told him that there was someone waiting for him. Sirius walked through an archway they gestured to and found himself in a large room full of magnificent windows. Every window represented a person, and it showed the events in their life. Sirius walked through the room until he came to a window entitled 'Sirius Black'. He gazed into it and it began to glow. He saw himself and Remus Lupin going back to Lily and James' house, which was still - perhaps, incredibly - standing as it had been when the duo were alive. He watched as he and Lupin went into the study and opened the fourth drawer down in James' old desk. He saw himself reach into it and draw out an old book. The Sirius and Lupin in the window blew dust from the front cover and Sirius heard the title read aloud in an awed voice, 'The Secrets Of The Universe: What I Know'. The book was by James Potter.

When Sirius awoke, he wrote everything down and vowed to show it to Lupin the next time he saw him. The most important thing was to find that book. If it had all of the answers to life in it, as Sirius believed it did, a lot of people could find that very useful.

"What an interesting end to what has been a very strange day," concluded Sirius, talking to no one in particular.

The End.