Life as I Knew It

Chapter 25--Abusing the Privilege

Faced with her old, happy Draco, Pansy decided to try something. "You know, Draco, I'm really sorry. I forced you to remember those things, and I know that it was a bleak world. You were probably happier not knowing. I'm sorry."

"Are you kidding? I wish you'd told me sooner. Okay, it's not good. I don't know what happened in sixth year, but I'm sure it was horrible. But I remember fifth year, and fourth year." He paused. "And if I have to face all those horrors, I'm..." He trailed off.

"You're what?"

Draco cleared his throat. "I'm glad I have you by my side," he said quickly, as if trying to get the sentimental portion of the evening out of the way.

"Well, things seem to be going well for you and Moonshyne. After all, I've never inspired you to poetry recitation," she teased.

Draco cringed. "That's right. Oh, Pansy, no. Please never mention the poetry again."

"No," she said, enjoying herself, "it was sweet. You were comparing her to a midsummer's day or something. You must really love her."

Draco grew thoughtful. "I told her that. I thought I did. It was like... it was like I was under a spell. Do you think it was a love potion?"

Pansy grew more serious. "I think it was a lot more complicated than that. It wasn't your fault, though; you were just..." In that moment, Pansy thought about things that had never crossed her mind before. This was not real, so it didn't matter. In her mind, Draco's relationship with Moonshyne was not real, so she never thought of what it entailed beyond the poetry. "What had you done over the summer?"

"What? I... the plan. I told you. I took the mark."

"No." She shook her head emphatically. "What had you done with Moonshyne that you hadn't really, but probably have since."

"Oh." He did not say anything more than that, but all the guilt was contained in that one little syllable.

Pansy supposed the fact that he sounded guilty should mean something, but it failed to provide her any solace. "So, for over a year, you and Moonshyne have been... intimate?"

"You know, Pansy, I never told you this," he said, in what she recognized as a valiant effort to change the subject, "but I really do care for you. I don't love you, but... That didn't come out right. I'm not at the point where what I feel for you is love, but I always thought that someday I could. And I should have told you that before now."

She made a decision. "Then do it to me."

"Do... what to you?" He looked so confused.

"Physically express your someday love for me in the same way you expressed your 'love' for Moonshyne."

"Well, yeah. Obviously I intend to."

"Now," Pansy said. "You..." It was difficult for her to say the words. "...had sex with her! And you did it to her in sixth year, and you didn't do it to me in the real sixth year."

"You're serious."

"Yeah."

"Er, no." He gave a little chuckle and repeat his "no."

Pansy was stunned. "Why not?"

"Look, Pansy, I'm sorry that I didn't have sex with you in sixth year. I was probably preoccupied what with trying to kill someone, and I'm sure I wanted to. But you can't just demand that I have sex with you."

"I'm sorry, but it seems to me that most guys would have no problem having sex with a girl they supposedly cared about while in a private room when they've been giving it up all over school to some green-headed harlot who--"

"That's a good point," Draco interrupted. "And I love it when you're shrill, but really, Pansy, I'm not feeling it tonight."

Pansy was speechless. "What? How can you...?" Her words disintegrated into sounds. "Wh... Nn- I... Bu... K-kk-tch. I-kk" She got stuck on the K's for some reason. She didn't even know what word that was supposed to be. She stop herself and finally formed the coherent sentence: "I don't understand."

"I don't understand what you don't understand. No. I don't want to have sex with you right now. Someday."

"Someday?" Pansy shook her head. "I don't want to hear any more about someday. I can't wait anymore, Draco. I can't stand knowing that you did that with her when we haven't even gone beyond under the shirt action." She was quiet for a few moments. "I've put up with a lot, Draco. You owe me this."

Pansy stood and unbuttoned her uniform top. She stopped with that. She was not going to force him to do anything, but she was going to make him want this. Draco sucked in a sharply, and his eyes were locked on her chest. Even though his hand had slipped under that bra during a number of snogging sessions, he had never actually seen Pansy with out a shirt on. "What's it going to be, Draco?" she asked.

"You don't understand the pressure you're putting on me," he said, still not looking her in the eye.

The temptation she saw in his face appeased Pansy. She realized in that moment that she had made the decision to lose her virginity a little too hastily. All she really wanted was to see that she could have this effect on Draco. She prepared to tell him so, to alleviate the pressure. She started to rebutton the shirt.

This was not a popular decision. "Whoa, there's no need to do that."

Pansy held her hands up, startled by his reaction. "I think you were right, though. I let my jealousy of Moonshyne... make me crazy or something. We should... Someday sounds fine."

Draco stood and wrapped his arms around her, purposefully pushing open her shirt. "I can't... perform under those conditions, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun." He nuzzled her neck.