Between Love and War

Chapter 3

July 1978

Vivian looked down at her leg. She was sitting next to Lucius Malfoy on his couch, and he had his hand on her thigh. It had started out on her knee, but as he talked he patted her leg for emphasis, and every time his hand landed a little further up her thigh. Now, rather than listening to Lucius, she was trying to figure out how to gently rebuff his advances without offending him. She knew it was her fault. For years she'd been jealous of how beautiful everyone thought Narcissa was. Hadn't she wished, on several occasions, that someone would pay attention to her rather than Narcissa? Well, now she had all of Narissa's husband's attention and all the unwanted lust she could stand. This was life's way of telling her to be careful what she wished for. That knowledge was useless now.

"--but Avery said that he wanted to handle the-- are you listening?"

Vivian's head snapped up. "Yeah. Avery."

"Y'know, Narcissa doesn't like to hear the gory details, and Bellatrix--" he laughed. "Bellatrix always interrupts to tell her own stories. But you are such a good listener. I'm so glad to have someone I can talk to."

Vivian fought the urge to gag. "Well, your stories are always so much more interesting than Evan's. He doesn't like to get into the details. He says if I want to know more, I can become a Death Eater myself."

"Oh, I don't agree. There are so many ways to help the Dark Lord. I don't think combat is any place for a woman."

Vivian smiled. How conveniently sexist. Actually, Vivian knew that Lucius's disapproval of female Death Eaters had been born out of his constant competition with Bellatrix.

"It's odd that you're dating Rosier. Narcissa seems to be under the impression that you use to hate him."

"He's grown on me. Besides I used to hate everyone."

"So, why aren't you two having sex?" On "why" his hand fell even higher up on her thigh.

"Oh, he told you about that?" She wondered if Evan had done anything to make Lucius want to hurt him. It would certainly explain why he was coming on so strong.

"Well, you have been together for over five months. He's a little concerned."

"I don't think he respects me. I'm... still a virgin and I just can't... be with him, anyone, unless I know that he interested in more than sex."

At first, Lucius seemed to take the hint, because he removed his hand from her leg. However, much to Vivian's horror, it was only so that he could place both hands on her shoulders. "Vivian, I don't think that Evan respects you either. I think that-"

"Lucius, please don't do this."

He looked taken aback. "Don't do what?"

"Don't... get involved in my relationship with Evan. I'm going to end it. It'll be better for you if you're not--" Vivian stopped. She saw a sickening smile on Lucius's face and realized too late that that was the wrong thing to say. She had accidentally encouraged Lucius. Also, she really did not want to break up with Evan. She intended to use him for as long as she could get away with maintaining a celibate relationship. Of course, Lucius did give her better information, but she knew if they progressed past friendship, he'd want sex fairly quickly. She just had not reached that level of dedication to the Order.

She cleared her throat "What I mean is--" People are giving their lives for the cause, and I can't have sex with Lucius Malfoy? How much of a sacrifice is that really? A year and a half ago I would have been eager to bed a Malfoy. He's actually a very attractive man. And a cold-blooded killer. And married to my best friend. And my primary source of information.

"Yes?" Lucius sat there; he seemed eager for something, some sign from her that he should continue. Where was all his intensity coming from? What could Evan have possibly done to him? Maybe it wasn't about that, but if not, then--

Thoughts were racing through Vivian's head. She was not sure what to do, but she had to decide quickly. "You're his friend. I don't want Evan to blame you for the break up." She took a deep breath and tried to steady her voice. "Do you respect me, Lucius?"

"Of course I do."

"It's too bad you're married. I wish there were more men like you." Vivian felt lightheaded. She wondered how it would look if she fainted. Lucius was staring hungrily at her lips. She pretended not to notice and absently ran her tongue over them. Evan had once told her that she had luscious, kissable lips. Of course Evan said a lot of things in attempts at seduction. She laughed at the memory. "Please forget that I said that. It was so inappropriate." She looked down, as if ashamed.

"No, not at all."

She raised her head, a hint of a smile playing at her lips. "You don't think it was at all inappropriate for me to tell my best friend's husband that I want... him. I didn't say it like that before, did I?" She stood. "I'm going to go before I make an even bigger fool of myself."

Lucius took her hand and pulled her back down onto the couch. "I don't think you're making a fool out of yourself."

Vivian braced herself as he leaned in closer. She probably would have enjoyed the kiss a lot more if she could have forgotten the murders he had been recounting minutes before. She allowed the kiss to continue for almost a minute before pulling away. She'd had to end it because visions of bloody corpses were filling her mind and the bile was rising in her throat. "What about Narcissa?"

"What about her?"

"What if she comes home?"

"She won't be home for over an hour."

"You don't know that. She could come home any minute. We can't do this here in her living room."

"Do you want to move this upstairs?"

"I don't think we should do this in her house at all. Let me break it off with Evan first, and then we can... do this at my flat."

Lucius looked slightly disgusted at this idea. "Your flat? Isn't it kind of small?"

"Uh, it works for me. I only need the one bedroom."

It appeared that Lucius, like Narcissa, would prefer not to be reminded of Vivian's financial situation. "What if you have company?"

"I don't think I know anyone who couldn't apparate or use the floo network to get home. But I supposed if I did have overnight guests," She knew how Lucius would react and tried not to laugh. "they would have to sleep on the couch."

He was openly appalled by this idea. "Sleep on the couch? That's... inhumane."

"Oh, well, I could transfigure it into a bed. Is that more humane?"

"But still, to make them sleep in the living room..."

"Lucius, in other socioeconomic classes, one bedroom flats are actually quite commonplace."

"Emphasis on common," Lucius muttered.

"That's right. I am a mere commoner. There's no noble blood flowing through my veins. It's pure thankfully, but not on par with the blood of 'the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.' If you have a problem with that, then-"

"I don't want to fight. I don't mind that you're in the lower class."

She wondered if he was trying to make her feel like a whore. "Oh, Lucius, I don't want to fight either. Just let me get rid of Rosier and we can... move forward with this."

Lucius nodded. "Okay. We'll talk again when Rosier's out of the picture."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back in her flat, Vivian sat in an armchair with her head in her hands. The moment she had realized how useless Evan really was to her and how forthcoming Lucius had been, she had known what had to be done. That did not make it any easier to accept. This was just like when she had decided to become a spy. How much consideration did she give that, five minutes? She had never thought of herself as reckless, but this was the second major decision she had made impulsively. What if it was a mistake? What Lucius did just want to steal Evan's girlfriend and he got bored with her after a week? Then she'd find another Death Eater. She was going to have to spend the rest of the Dark Lord's reign going from Death Eater to Death Eater, gathering all the information she could. This was not how her life was supposed to turn out, but she knew she had made the right choices. She did not blame herself for the mess her life had become; she did not even blame Sirius for talking her into taking this road. She blamed the Dark Lord. As long as he was spreading his poison and validating prejudices, her life could not be happy. Vivian suddenly felt so much older than her nineteen years. She sat and waited for Evan to arrive.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That same afternoon was the Potter-Evans wedding. In their seventh year, Lily had realized that James's swelled ego had gone down quite a bit, and, much to everyone's surprise she finally accepted one of James's numerous requests for a date. The whirlwind romance that follow seemed so natural that no one questioned it when they decided to get married after only nine months together. The ceremony was beautiful, but it was the reception that people would remember for years to come. It was the happiest, most lively celebration those in attendance had ever been to. Sirius, Peter, and Remus had made sure of it. Sirius, the best man, had said in his toast that they weren't losing a friend, they were gaining an honorary marauder and that this was her induction to their ranks.

The next day, without his friends' knowledge, Peter became a Death Eater and a spy for Lord Voldemort.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Vivian had not even been involved with Lucius for two weeks when Narcissa stopped by her flat unexpectedly. Without preamble, she said, "I know you're shagging my husband" and pushed her way past Vivian and into the flat.

She watched Narcissa drape herself comfortably on the couch with an elegance Vivian knew she could never manage. "Does that bother you?"

"Come on, Vivian, you know why we got married. Why would it bother me? Better you than me. I knew he'd find himself a whore sooner or later. You know that's all you are to him, right? He doesn't actually want you t-"

Something about the way Narcissa had barged into her home and started insulting her caused Vivian to snap. She knew Narcissa was right, in a way, but Vivian had so much pent up frustration and she could not hold it in anymore. "I think you're confused, Narcissa. He doesn't want you. We both know why you two got married. It's not even a year later and he's screwing around on you. You're just a trophy wife, and a broodmare. He-"

"You of all people should know not to underestimate me. I am much more than a trophy wife."

"Not to Lucius. He chose you because of your family. He chose me because of... If all I have to offer him is a good time in bed, I'm not ashamed of that."

"That's all very well, as long as you don't have any delusions about the situation. You are just trash. Just another whore. You're not the first; you won't be the last. He's not going to leave me for you. He'll eventually get bored with you and move on. You'll never get your hands on his, our money. What you have with Lucius is just sex."

"I'm aware of that. I'm not trying to steal your husband or your money."

"Then what are you angling for?"

"Why do I have to have an angle?"

"I've had sex with Lucius. You must have an ulterior motive."

Vivian burst out laughing. She didn't think of Lucius as particularly bad in bed, but it was not as if she had any point of reference. Still, whether he was or not, she found Narcissa's statement to be hilarious. What can my ulterior motive be? Vivian hoped her laughter was not becoming shill as she tried desperately to think of something. "You're right. Power."

"Power? You're in training to become a glorified pharm-"

"There are more than careers at stake now. In case you haven't noticed there's a war going on out there, and Lucius has become one of the Dark Lord's favorites. If I'm his mistress, that gives me power by association and I don't have to get my hands dirty." Suddenly Sirius's words came back to her. "I'm a smart girl. I could go far. But I need to be allied with the rich and powerful. I'm sorry, Narcissa, but you became a stepping stone to Lucius."

"That's fine. We can share his power. As long as you're not after anything more tangible, we won't have a problem."

"Trust me, I'm not. But you do realize that for me to obtain power by association, people will have to know about the affair."

Narcissa looked wistful. "I've always wanted to play the role of the martyr. The poor, but brave wife, standing by her husband despite his betrayal. The whispers about you won't be nearly as kind."

"Then we both win. You know, even though I'm sleeping with your husband and you called me a whore, you're still my best friend. Isn't that pathetic?"

"Well, like you always said, best friend doesn't mean good friend."

Vivian smiled. "Please get out of my home now."

Narcissa returned the smile as she looked haughtily around the small flat. "Gladly. Good luck on finding new friends. And if you do, here's a tip: they won't like it if you shag their husbands either."

"Thanks." Vivian opened the door and ushered Narcissa out. "You take care. Bye-bye now."

All in all, Vivian was glad that Narcissa had stopped by. She knew that, though Lucius was loath to admit it, his wife had power over him. If she had wanted to, Narcissa could have stopped the affair. However, she didn't care, and that would work to Vivian's advantage. Narcissa had said one thing that bothered her though. Lucius probably would get bored with her eventually. She could see now that she needed him. Lucius was in the inner circle. She would never be able to find another lover who could supply her with as much information. For the last couple weeks, Vivian had been wracking her brain trying to find a way to hold his interest. She had caught one break though; Lucius seemed to under the impression that the reason she had refused to have sex with Evan was because she was saving herself for him. She figured that if his ego was large enough to come up with and believe that theory, there was a good chance that he got off on the knowledge. So, although that would only hold him for so long, she had not bothered to correct him.

She reflected on what she knew about Lucius. More than anything else, he loved to control people. While Bellatrix took pleasure in torture and employed the Cruciatus Curse, Lucius had always favored the Imperius Curse. Complete control may be the only thing Vivian could offer him that he would have difficulty finding elsewhere. Narcissa certainly would not offer it to him. The only problem was that Vivian wasn't sure how exactly to give Lucius complete control over herself, and she really wasn't sure if she wanted to. Could she still say she was strong, still insist that she would not be a victim, if she turned her life over to Lucius? She could make an argument for yes. She could tell herself that making this kind of a sacrifice for the Order was proof of her strength, but she couldn't be certain that she would believe that.

And there was the other issue. How exactly does one surrender control? It seemed like such an odd question to ask after she had spent so many years trying to hold onto control. The question was not in regard to sex. She had pretty much surrendered to his every whim sexually. But how could she subtly guide him into take over her entire life? For the first time she could remember Vivian wished she had someone she could talk to, but she couldn't even turn to her brother or her friends. They were all true believers in the pureblood doctrine; they would never understand. Narcissa certainly was not going to give her any pointers. She definitely did not feel comfortable enough with Benjy Fenwick to discuss relationships, and he was the only contact she had in the Order. She thought about Sirius again. It had been over a year since the last time they talked, and he was not an option now. She had severed what little ties they had after that last conversation. No, she was going to have to figure out how, and if, to do this on her own.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few nights later Vivian lay next to Lucius in her bed. She drew circles on his chest with her finger and looked up at him with what she hoped were wide, innocent eyes. "Lucius, I want you to be happy. I don't think that Narcissa makes you happy."

"Listen, Vivian, if you're saying-"

"That's not what I meant. She's your wife. I get that. I don't care that you're married. But I don't think that Narcissa makes you happy, and I just want you to know that I'd do anything to make you happy. And, as part of that, I've been thinking about... location. When I first suggested my flat, you were... you seemed appalled, and that amused me at first, which is odd, me being amused by a class difference. But my flat is rather small and if you still feel uncomfortable... I just- I don't want that. But on the other hand, Malfoy Manor can't be a good option. I mean, it's after nine; Narcissa must be home, right?"

"Are you asking me to buy you a larger flat?"

"Lucius, no. I don't want your money, and I don't want you to leave your wife for me. I just want you to be happy. If my flat still appalls you, then that is just not conducive with a good relationship. I feel that this is a conflict that needs to be resolved. That's why I brought it up. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Well, Narcissa would be home now."

"And afternoons are not good for me. I know Narcissa has her socialite luncheons, but I have a job." Vivian paused. "Although, I will be switching to the night shift soon. So I guess afternoons will be great for me in a month or two. Just a thought."

"I have a job as well."

"Yes, with very flexible hours, considering that you own... everything. But this is all moot if you're fine with the way things are. Nothing has to change unless you want it to. Except that I'll be on the night shift, either way."

"I don't like your bedspread. It's too feminine."

Vivian looked down at her tan bedspread folded at the foot of the bed. It did have pink flowers on it. She loved that bedspread. "Okay, good. I want you to tell me these things."

"And your sheets are a little scratchy. You should get a higher thread count."

Vivian smiled sweetly and nodded to cover up the fact that she was fantasizing about strangling him with his own satin sheets. "See, now were communicating."

"Why don't you want me to leave my wife for you?"

This took her by surprise. "What?"

"It seems odd to me. I am a constant reminder of everything you don't have. Money, a husband. You're telling me that you have no aspirations for this relationship with me to go any farther?"

"Lucius, if I asked you to leave Narcissa, you would leave me. I know why you married her, and I know that I can't offer you what she can in terms of marriage. That's just not the purpose I fulfill for you. Yes, the money would be nice. The legitimacy would be nice, although, after two weeks, it's a little early to discuss marriage. Those things would be nice, but I'm not with you because of them."

"That was the perfect thing to say. How do you always know exactly what to say?"

"If it makes you feel better, I'm trying to be perfect."

"Why?"

"To hold onto you. Lucius, even without the money and the... Malfoyness, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Lucius flipped Vivian over onto her back. He was about to lower himself onto her when there was a knock at the front door. "Ignore it," he hissed.

She smiled. "Okay."

Lucius brought his head back down, but the knocking became more insistent. "Vivian! Vivian, I know you're home."

Lucius sighed and rolled onto his back. "That's your brother."

"I know. I should..." She pointed toward the living room.

"Yeah, go, fine."

Vivian got up and quickly pulled on the robes she had discarded on the floor. "I'll get rid of him as fast as I can." She held her finger up to her lips as she backed out of the room. She tried to smooth her robes with her hands before opening her door. "I'm sorry it took so long. I was doing something. So, what brings you to London?"

"I need a place to stay, just for a little while, until I find a place of my own."

"Severus..."

"Please, Vivian, I had to get out of that house. I've finished school; I shouldn't be living with my parents anymore anyway."

"But Severus, do you even have a job yet?"

"I'm working for the Dark Lord. Look." He pulled back his sleeve to show her the dark mark on his forearm.

Vivian prepared herself for this revelation every time she saw her brother, but she still found it difficult to choke back her horror at seeing it burned into his skin. "That's wonderful, but I wasn't aware that he offered paid positions."

"Well, he doesn't exactly, but it pays to... Can I come in?"

Vivian stepped out of the doorway. "Don't get me wrong, the Dark Lord deserves the best potions master, and that's probably you. However if you don't have a job, you're not going to be able to get a place of your own anytime soon."

"You're going to turn me away, aren't you? I know we're not as close as we once were, but would you really condemn me to live in that house for one more day?"

"I-" Vivian glance over at her bedroom door, wondering if Lucius could hear their conversation.

Severus followed her gaze. "Oh, there's someone else here."

"What? No. No, there's no one here."

"So, you wouldn't mind if I opened your bedroom door now?"

Vivian wanted to get off the topic of the man in her room. "It's just that I only have the one bedroom and if it really was a little while, maybe we could make it work. But you don't even have a job, and there's not enough room for two people to live here."

"Vivian..."

"What? Look around. This is it. This and the bedroom, that's the whole flat. What if I did want to have a man here? Or what if you wanted to--Wow, that's really disgusting to think about. My couch."

"What about your couch?"

"That's where you'd be sleeping and if you brought a girl home..." Vivian threw up her hands. "No girls. That is rule number one."

Severus smiled. "So you'll let me stay?"

"How can I say no to that face?"

His smile morphed into a smirk. "You sound like Mum."

"Don't say that. Rule number two: Never compare me to Mum."

"Right, sorry. I know that you... I know."

"Do you need to go get your things now?"

"No, they're in the hallway." He gestured in that direction.

"Then I have a problem."

"The bloke in your bedroom?"

Vivian nodded. "Yeah. Rule number three: Anything that happens here, stays between us."

"Should I be writing these down?"

"If you want. Rule number... four?"

"Yes."

"Rule number four: You have to get a job that pays."

"Okay. What is rule three in reference to? Who do you have in there?" Severus started in that direction.

Vivian stepped in front of him to cut him off. "Maybe you could just close your eyes while he leaves."

"What is the big secret?" Severus dropped his voice to a whisper. "Is he horribly disfigured?"

"No! No, he's just sort of... a little bit... married."

"Oh." Severus backed away from the bedroom door. "I heard a rumor but I didn't believe it. You're sleeping with Lucius Malfoy? Wait, he's in there right now?"

"Yeah. Don't you think- You heard a rumor? From who?"

"Rosier. He did not take the break-up well. I thought that's why he was saying those things."

"What things?"

"He... He called you a whore and said you refused to shag him because you were holding out for more money. I would have hexed him for your honor, but he's a really good friend and he apologized."

"I don't care that he called me a whore. I'm just worried about Lucius. I'm sure he didn't want word to get out that he was having an affair. How did Evan know?"

"I accidentally let it slip." Vivian turned to see Lucius emerging from the bedroom. So he was using her to get back at Evan for something.

"Lucius, I'm so sorry, but I can't turn him away. He's my brother."

He held up his hand. "It's fine, Vivian. I understand."

"So, you're leaving now?"

Vivian rolled her eyes when Severus stepped up and said, "Oh, Lucius, you don't have to leave on my account."

"I think we should reconsider moving this affair to Malfoy Manor. No offense to your brother, this is a small flat and it will be cramped with both of you here." Lucius turned to look at Severus. "Trust me, considering how thin the walls are, that's really the best option for all of us."

Vivian wanted to hug her brother because he had given her a reason to finally get back into that mansion. Instead she kissed Lucius tentatively on the cheek and said, "We'll talk later."

Instead of leaving Lucius placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Vivian was not sure what to do. It seemed horribly inappropriate, what with her brother standing less than a meter away, but it also seemed foolish to try to deny Lucius. She compromised by slowly counting to five in her mind and then pulling away. "Okay, bye, Lucius."

When it was clear that Lucius was finally ready to leave, Severus spoke up. "It was so nice to see you again, Lucius."

"Likewise, Severus," returned Lucius, with a hint of insincerity. "Congratulations on your recent induction into the Death Eater ranks."

"Thank you very much!" Severus said a little too eagerly.

Vivian involuntarily rolled her eyes again. It was a bit unnerving to realize that her brother was more smitten with her boyfriend than she was. She pushed it out of her mind, as she always did when she thought about how off track her life had become.

Once Lucius was gone, Severus turned to her with a mocking smile. "And you used to make fun of the way I acted around him."

"Acted? Past Tense? Did you hear yourself just now?"

"All right, but what was that? 'I don't care if people are calling me a whore. I'm just worried about Lucius.' Since when do you think about anyone but yourself?"

"Excuse me? I'm letting you stay here, aren't I?"

"You don't have to be so defensive. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"Yes, selfishness is so underrated."

"I was just pointing out that you don't act like yourself around Lucius. You were actually gushing."

"I couldn't have possibly been gushing as much as you. 'Oh Lucius, may I please lick your shoes? Go ahead and shag my sister if it'll get you to stay longer.' It was nauseating."

"It was not like that. Why do we always have to fight about Lu-"

Vivian cleared her throat. "So this is the living room. There's the couch where you will be sleeping. I'll leave it to you to transfigure it into whatever you want. The door directly behind me is the bathroom. My bedroom is on the left. There's your tour. And let's try not to tear each other's heads off while you're staying here. Rule number five: No using magic on each other, unless specifically asked. Because I know that there were times that only the underage wizarding laws prevented you from using your vast knowledge of the dark arts on me. I know how we fight, and because you're my brother and you need a place to stay, I have resigned myself to these stupid little fights, but I can't have you hexing me just because I insulted your hair."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "My hair? You are the last person I expected to make a comment about my hair."

Vivian's hand instinctively went up to her own hair. She always wore it pulled back telling herself that way it looked shiny. Since the age of eleven, when Vivian found out that she had been adopted, she had been so relieved that she was in no danger of getting the Snape hair. That was until she turned fourteen and her hair chemistry started to change. Somehow, despite the fact that she was not genetically related to Tobias Snape, she had been cursed with hair that was always a little greasy to the touch. It was not as greasy as Severus's as Vivian had spent the last five years experimenting with every hair care potion she could think of, but it still never quite felt clean to her. Neither Lucius nor Evan had ever said anything about it, but that was still the one thing about her physical appearance about which she was most self-conscious. "It was just an example," she said bringing her hand down. "You have to promise not to hex or jinx me for any reason."

"What if you ask?"

"What I meant by that was healing charms and so forth will still be acceptable. But for the sake of simplicity, sure, if I specifically ask you to hex or jinx me, feel free to do so."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

Vivian snorted. "Okay. So tell me about your job, work, for the Dark Lord. Does he appreciate your potion-making brilliance yet? Because if he doesn't,... there's basically nothing I can do about that. I'm a bit scared of the Dark Lord."

"You could put in a word with Lucius."

"You want me to use my connection to-" Vivian was not exactly sure how the Death Eater organization broke down, but it occurred to her that Severus might be able to stay away from the fighting if he was in a safe laboratory setting. Maybe there was a way she could protect him. "Yes, I will put in a word with Lucius. After all, what are powerful boyfriends for? I can't make any guarantees though; Lucius pretty much does what he wants. I don't think I have any real sway over him."

"You would actually do that for me?"

Vivian sighed. The man standing in front of her was her brother, but he was also a Death Eater. That placed them on opposite sides of the war, but he did not know that. Why did he doubt that she would want to help him? Of course, he would think of it as a favor that could advance his position, while in reality she would be trying to save his life. "You're my brother. I want to help you." That was the most honest answer she could vocalize. It pained Vivian to realize the chasm that divided him from her. "Severus, you know that- We haven't always been close, so it means a lot to me that you came here when seeking refuge from the horror that is our father. You know that, despite any differences we've had, I... that I lo... that I'll always be your sister, right?"

"Yes, and I l- will always be your brother too," Severus said with a smirk.

"I'm trying to- Look, Severus, I've done things wrong in the past. I want you to know that I realize that and I'm here for you now."

"You're not different around Lucius; you're just different in general. What have you done with Vivian?"

"Forget Lucius and how I acted around him. Maybe I've matured some, but I always wanted to protect you. I just didn't think that it would help if I- I thought you needed to learn how to deal with people like Potter and Black on your own. I don't know if that was right or wrong, but you felt that I abandoned you and that was wrong. I should have-"

"Vivian, you don't have to do this now. I'm sorry I called you selfish and that I accused you of abandoning me. You don't have to explain."

After the way he had mocked her before, Vivian was a little glad to see that this display of emotions was making Severus uncomfortable as well. "Don't worry, this doesn't actually change anything between us, I'm just going to talk to Lucius. We'll still have the same taunting, sarcastic relationship, if that's what you're worried about. I'm not going to try to be all touchy-feely now. Ew."

"That's the Vivian I know, slightly frigid."

Vivian's lips spread into a wry smile. "Just like Mum."

Severus shook his head. "Blatant disrespect for rule number... I should have written them down."

"Most of the rules only apply to you. My flat, my rules. You should go get- You don't have much stuff, do you? Because I don't have much room."

Severus shrugged as he made his way out to the hallway. "I guess you'll have to assess that for yourself. 'Much' is subjective."

Vivian took that as a yes and sighed. Severus pulled his trunk into the flat. It was deceptively small. She thought about it. "Maybe you could just keep you things in your trunk."

"That's fine for my clothes, but what about my potion ingredients?"

"Oh, right. Well, I have some room in my cabinet, but I also have a fairly extensive assortment."

"Somehow I doubt that it'll be extensive enough."

"I wonder, where does your superiority complex come from?"

"Probably the same place as yours. Can I see you assortment? At the very least I'll be able to weed out the redundancies."

"Kitchen." Severus headed in that direction. "And my ingredients get preference if there's an issue with space," she called after him as there was another knock at her front door. What a strange night. Vivian usually never had visitors, other than Lucius of course.

She opened the door to find Remus Lupin of all people. "Remus, this is certainly... unexpected."

Remus definitely looked uncomfortable and for a second she thought he was going to turn around and leave without saying a word, but instead he said, "Vivian, I'd like to- I wanted to talk about- Sirius said that you knew about the... thing, uh, with the... The thing is, I heard- Oh, I didn't know he was here."

Vivian spun around and saw that Severus had walked out of the kitchen.

"Severus is staying with me until he can find a place of his own."

"I guess it doesn't matter, Severus-"

"Wait," Severus cut in. "Vivian, are you friends with him? He's a..."

She watched him debate whether or not he could tell her. "I know what he is, Severus. And no, we're not friends. I've never even talked to him before." She turned back to Remus. "Which is why I'm dying to know what you wanted to talk to me about."

"You work with potions at St. Mungo's, right?"

"Yes."

"Look, I know that we barely know each other, and you have no reason to want to help me, but I sort of came here to ask you a favor."

"Why me?"

"You're the only one who can... do this for me. When I explain what it is, you'll understand why. Can I come in?"

Vivian hesitated, unsure. If Severus hadn't been there, she would have been eager to speak to Remus, which probably said more than she wanted to know about the feelings she was still harboring for Sirius. On the other hand, if Severus hadn't shown up Lucius would still be there, and that could have been a disaster. "You know, my curiosity has won out. Come in."

"Vivian, I don't think this is a good idea." Severus said from behind her. There was a nervous edge to his voice.

Vivian ignored him. "Please, sit down."

"Not on the couch!" Severus exclaimed.

"Then in the armchair." She smiled insincerely and pulled her brother aside. "I know you two have history. Maybe it'd be better if you took a walk for... about five minutes."

"I'm not going to leave you alone with that monster."

"It's nowhere near the full moon, I'll be fine. Just go." Vivian pushed him toward the door.

Severus eyed her suspiciously, but left. Vivian turned back to Remus. "Now, what is the favor? Keep in mind that I probably won't do it."

"Well, you know that I'm a..."

"Werewolf, yes." Vivian completed, realizing that he wanted her to prove that she really did know. She crossed the room and sat on the couch.

"Right. I know that you're a Death Eater sympathizer and we're on opposing sides here, but I was hoping- Sirius said that you're apathetic, so I thought maybe-"

"He said that? What else did he say about me?" When she heard the words coming out of her mouth she was aware that she sounded like a thirteen year old with a crush, but she couldn't stop it. She resolved to try harder the next time.

"Um, that you're... He didn't really say much else."

"I'm just fascinated by the way I come across to other people." Yeah, that sounded good, she thought sarcastically.

"Anyway, I was thinking that if you were really apathetic-"

"Just get to point, Remus."

"Okay, I heard that there's a new experimental potion that could help people like me. However in order for me to get access to it, I would have to-"

"You're talking about the Wolfsbane Potion."

"You interrupt a lot."

"Oh, Sirius didn't warn you about that?"

He looked thoughtful. "I see what you meant."

"About?"

"Wanting to know how you come across to people. You're difficult to figure out."

"Experimental potions are an entirely different division from where I work. If you're asking me to get you into a research group, I can't."

"Actually, I'm here because I'm desperate. Why else would I be asking you? I was hoping that maybe you could get me, or make me, some of the potion."

"How does that fit in with your definition of apathetic?"

"I'll take that as a no."

"It is a no, for so many reasons. This potion is still in its preliminary stages. They don't know how safe or effective it is yet. I don't think you should take that chance. I wouldn't want to be responsible if something went wrong. It's supposed to be a very complicated potion."

"Isn't it your job to make complicated potions that people can't make for themselves?"

"It will be, in a couple years when I've finished my training. At this point, I'm not really well trained in research. It requires a lot of theoretical thinking, and I'm more of a practical application person. I'm not the right person to ask."

"You're the only person I can ask. Do you have any idea what it's like to know that every month there's another chance that you might- Of course you don't. Even if you did have some dangerous affliction, why would you care if you hurt people? You'd just go after the muggleborns, right?"

Vivian smiled. "That's good, Remus. It'll really make me change my mind. Incidentally, werewolves don't actually have ability to select their victims, but I'm sure you know that. Anyway, I'm not really sure that I want the mudbloods killed. I mean, there must be some practical purpose they could serve. There certainly aren't enough house elves to go around, and Merlin knows I could use some help around here."

"You want practical? I almost killed your brother. This potion may be the only that could stop me from finishing the job."

"Insults, threats. You're not very well versed in the art of persuasion, are you? And why practical? Did Sirius tell you that I'm practical?"

"No, you said it twice in the last minute. Why was that insulting? You do support You-Know-Who, right?"

"Why do you people always analyze every word I say? That is exactly the kind of question Sirius would ask me."

Remus shrugged. "You're a strange person."

"I suppose it wasn't all that insulting, but it was meant to be."

Remus shrugged. "Only if you have morals."

"At this point the potion might kill you. I am only thinking of your welfare. That seems like a moral path to take. Actually if you died, Severus would be safer. Why don't I try to whip up that Wolfsbane right now?"

Remus just stared at her. "I don't understand you," he finally said.

"Ask Sirius. He has a lot of insight into what makes me tick. Wait, don't ask him. What did- What exactly did he tell you about me?"

"That you wouldn't tell anyone about the werewolf thing. That was about the extent of it."

"Well, do not in any way imply that I gave permission for him to share his insight."

"Did you and he... you know... have sex? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

Vivian just smiled, glad he had supplied an excuse for her weird behavior.

Remus stood. "I'm just going to leave. This entire trip was useless."

Vivian remained seated. "I'll look into the potion for you. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't really have that much contact with the research lab."

"Why would you do that for me?"

"I have no idea. Morals I suppose."

Remus seemed grateful but wary. "I won't be indebted to you."

"I'm not a recruiter. I'm not even a Death Eater."

"No, you just shag them."

"You need to check your facts, I never had sex with Evan." Vivian said, pushing to see how many people knew about her affair with Lucius.

"I'm sorry I even said anything. I don't want to know anything about your sex life."

"You're the one who keeps bringing it up. Um, come by the hospital in a few days and I'll tell you what I was able to find out."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but seemed unsure what it was he wanted to say. Finally he decided on, "Thank you. I'm sorry. I've been rude and you're... I'm sorry. I'll see you in a few days."

"Yeah. You should probably be going now."

"Oh, right." He appeared disoriented as he left.

Vivian sighed and leaned back. She probably should not be doing anything to help Remus. She had intended to say no. She had said no, at first. Why would she do that for Remus? She wouldn't; she was doing for Sirius, to impress Sirius. Vivian closed her eyes. She was disgusted with herself for still having feelings for him. She was a little irritated with Remus for showing up and reminding her of that, too. She tried to concentrate on things that were connected with the world she lived in: Lucius, Severus, her career, but Sirius's face kept popping back into her mind.

She was shook out of her thoughts by Severus's voice. "How did you know that he's a werewolf?"

"I, um... I sort of figured it out on my own."

"So you're the only one who managed to see the warning signs? No one else figured it out."

"I tricked Sirius into letting something slip about the prank. He mentioned a werewolf, and from there, I figured it out. Once I had a focus, it was rather obvious."

"How often do you talk to Black? And why would Lupin show up expecting you to do him a favor?"

"I believe I talked to Sirius... four times in school. The fourth time I was very confrontational and he thought I knew about the werewolf. Remus thought I might be able to help him. He'd heard about a new potion and he wanted to know more about it. Unfortunately for him, I don't know much about it. Not that I was all that inclined to cooperate with him."

"But you did agree to help him. I heard you. Why would you do that?"

Vivian was getting worried. Why was Severus asking so many questions? "I said no at first, but yes, eventually I agreed to look into it. That's all."

"Why though?"

"I feel sorry for him. You don't really blame him, do you? It wasn't his fault. It was James and Sirius. If this potion can help subdue werewolves, where's the downside? Helping Remus will help all of humanity. Sirius will never be able to use him to-"

"Okay. I understand. I was just wondering... So, you actually want to help people with this healer thing. I did not think that that was why you got into it."

"It wasn't. I just wanted a good potions job, but they pump that helping propaganda into you from the first day of training. I guess it has gotten to me. Yeah, I want to help people! How odd."

"Maybe that's why you've changed. You're... softer."

Vivian nodded. While she'd been telling him a lot of lies, so his assessment of her personality was skewed, she thought that it was probably true that she was softer than she had been growing up. "Well, it's been a long, crazy night and I have to work in the morning. So, I'm going to bed and I'll let you work out what you want to do with the couch."

"Okay. Good night, Vivian."

"Good night, Severus."