Between Love and War

Chapter 2

March 1977

Not long after that last conversation, Sirius began seeing Lysandra Godfrey, the pretty Ravenclaw sixth year. For the next five months, he and Vivian avoided each other. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement to forget those few conversations had ever happened. However, toward the end of March, after a lot of consideration, Sirius broke that agreement.

Vivian was walking the halls with three of her friends, including Narcissa, when Sirius walked up to her. Ignoring the other girls, he said, "I need to talk to you."

Unsure of how to respond, Vivian decided to revert to old standard of the prank. "I still don't know what happened in September, so there's no-"

"It's not about that. I need to talk to you alone." His tone was harsh.

Vivian looked around at her friends, wondering what had caused this sudden urgency after so much time. She turned back to him and shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Trust me, it's in your best interest to get rid of your friends." Without waiting, he took her arm and dragged her off to the side of the hallway. Her friends just watched, too far away to hear. After a few minutes, they walked away.

"Hey! What are you doing?" She glanced back at her friends. Real friends would have saved her from this attack. "I'm not going to talk to you. And don't touch me." She ripped her arm out of his grasp.

Sirius had a flashback to that night outside her dorm, the last time he had held her arm. He put it out of his mind. "I don't want you to talk. I want you to listen. Whatever it is that happened back then, it's over. I know that. I'm with Lysandra now. But there are some things I need to say to you."

She swallowed hard. "Okay."

"Those girls are not your friends, and you don't believe in the same things they do." Vivian opened her mouth to say something, but Sirius held up his hand to stop her interruption. "There's no point in pretending those conversations didn't happen or that you didn't mean it. I know that you don't believe all that pureblood nonsense."

"What does this have to do with anything? You're not my friend either. I'm leaving in two months and I'll be out in the real world where there's a war going on. I've made my contacts, and my decision."

"That's what I mean. They're just contacts and you have strong ties to them. But you don't have to take their side in the war."

"Oh, you're trying to recruit me."

"I'm trying to do so much more than that. I think you're perfectly poised to become a spy."

Vivian's mouth dropped open. "You've got to be kidding me."

Sirius shook his head. "No, be Narcissa's maid of honor in August, get in even better with the Malfoys. Lucius is already-"

She cut off his low tone with a whisper. "Oh, for Merlin's sake, shut up!"

He ignored her. "You can even have your calculated marriage. Marry a great, rich, pureblood Death Eater. In fact, marry my brother, Regulus. He's the only heir; I've been disowned. You can still be Mrs. Black. Since you won't love him, you can betray him. And when he's in jail, you'll have the money all to yourself."

Vivian slapped him.

"Ow! Why did you do that? You know that I'm right."

"That was for the benefit of anyone who may have been eavesdropping." But she felt as if he'd just slapped her in the face. "This is not the place to be having this conversation."

Sirius looked around. The hallway was mostly empty except for two young students ten metres away. Still he knew that she was right and he had been careless. "You're right. I'm sorry, that was stupid. I'm not even the person you should be having this conversation with. You need to talk to Dumbledore about this."

"What makes you so sure you can trust me?"

"Because for those few days in early October I saw the real you, beneath the icy exterior. You can try to freeze me out now, but I know the truth. You have a heart and a conscience. I know you'll make the right choice. Talk to Dumbledore. His password is Sugarquill." With that he turned and walked away.

Vivian watched him walk away, amazed. She knew that she had been right to stop talking to Sirius back then. Even after all these months, she could see how easy it would have been to fall for him, despite the fact that he had just suggested that she marry his fourteen year-old brother. It scared her to realize that he already knew her better than anyone else did. She saw in his eyes and heard in his voice the words he did not say. He seemed to almost need her to be a good person, to be on his side of this battle. He was begging her to prove that he was right about her. Why did he care so much? And what did he mean when he said 'I'm with Lysandra now?' It seemed to imply that he thought... but that was ridiculous; she had made herself perfectly clear in October, as he had demonstrated with that whole "Marry my brother" speech. It didn't matter what he thought. It was over; she had ended it, because of her father. She closed her eyes briefly and thought about that past October. She thought about all the things she had told him. She thought about the way his warm, gray eyes had searched hers, as if he was trying to see into her soul. He had shown genuine interest in her, and she had needed that. She had wanted him so much, but she had also been scared. On a rational level, she knew that it was not likely that Sirius would become abusive and that statistically probably only a small number of men were. Still, on the subconscious level, she could not forget the way he had grabbed her arm violently--twice now--and even if she did still want him, as he reminded her, he's with Lysandra now. Besides, it probably wouldn't be smart to be seen with him in public if she was going to be spy. She laughed as she started back toward her dormitory. A spy? What was he thinking? She wasn't going to be a spy; she was going to be a healer, neutral with Death Eater sympathies. That was the plan.

And yet here she was. Without even realizing it she'd stopped in front of the statue entrance to Dumbledore's office. She defiantly started walking away from it. She knew she'd go back in a few days, but for now she wanted to pretend that she had rejected the idea of getting involved in the war. She did not know why she was acting so childishly, but figured it was for the best anyway. If anyone had overheard her conversation with Sirius, the worst thing she could do was to be seen rushing to Dumbledore's office. Oh good, now I'm starting to think like a spy, she thought sarcastically.

As she walked, she thought about the choice she'd made. Had she really just decided to become a spy? That's really dangerous work and she was not the type to stick out her neck for anyone. Was she considering it because it was the right thing to do or because Sirius had asked her to? Either way, it was stupid. Rumor had it that the Dark Lord was highly skilled in Legilimency. She'd have to be an idiot to try to spy against him. Actually if she could help it, she did not intend to ever meet the Dark Lord. Sirius was on the right track there. She would not be spying on You-Know-Who directly, just gathering information from Lucius. And maybe Bellatrix. From what Vivian had heard, both had already risen fairly high in the Death Eater ranks. So yes, Vivian, you did just decide to become a spy. Somehow she felt happy and sick to her stomach at the same time. She turned the corner and ran straight into Severus.

"Narcissa tells me you've been talking to Sirius Black again."

"So?"

"So, why are you talking to him? Have you forgotten that he tried to kill me?"

"No, and apparently he hasn't either. He's always fishing to find out if I know anything."

"Narcissa said it wasn't about that."

Vivian chuckled. "That's why you should never lie, because Narcissa has a big mouth. It was only a lie of omission though. Incidentally, if you were going to tell someone what happened that night, would it be me?"

"If I thought it was wise to tell anyone, I would tell everyone. What did Sirius want to talk about?"

Vivian knew that her brother was a true believer in the Death Eater doctrine. She decided to be evasive. "Why should I tell you when you won't tell me what he did to you?"

"Sirius is dangerous, Vivian. I'm just looking out for you."

"I don't need you to look out for me. You should be looking out for yourself," she added under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Vivian tried to continue on her way, but Severus blocked her path. "No, I want to hear this. Why should I be looking after myself?"

She looked up at him. "That's kind of a stupid question considering you're the one who almost got killed. Allegedly."

"By Sirius! Or actually by-"

Vivian waited until it became clear that he was not going to finish the thought. "By who?"

"It doesn't matter. What did Sirius want?"

"Let's walk and talk, okay?"

"Okay." He took her hand and started to lead her away from the Slytherin dormitories. "But it's not going to make me forget. I want some answers."

She pulled her hand out of his, although not as aggressively as she had with Sirius. "Where are we going?"

"For a walk. Now, about Sirius..." Severus was used to Vivian evading subjects she didn't want to talk about, and he knew that the only way to get an answer was through persistence.

Vivian smiled to herself. She and Severus had been really close before they had started school. Over the years they had drifted apart, and now Severus often thought of Vivian as his greatest tormentor. She had always tried to protect him at home, and the first year when she went away to Hogwarts had been horrible. He had counted down the days until she'd be back, but that summer she'd been different. He did not understand until he started school the next year. She told him point blank that she was trying to distance herself from the family and did not want to be associated with him. She had then proceeded to ignore him for the remainder of the year. He tried to go to her with his problems, but she didn't care. The truth was that he wanted to run to his big sister after the episode with the werewolf, but after six years he knew she wouldn't do anything about it. He did not understand why she would try to shield him from their father, but not from the boys at school, like Sirius and James. That was why he considered her his greatest tormentor, because she had been his hero and then she had abandoned him.

While it was true that Vivian wanted to distance herself from the family, she'd also been trying to help Severus. If she kept coddling him, he'd never learn to stand up for himself. Actually, it was clear to her that he had never learned anyway. Severus had studied the Dark Arts for as long as she could remember. Underage wizarding laws prevented him from hexing their father, but with his knowledge, Severus should have been able to end James and Sirius's campaign against him. She did not understand why he allowed himself to be repeatedly victimized. She had grown up in the same house and had the same parents, and she had never been mistreated at school. It was all about attitude. She had tried to tell him that once, but it hadn't made any difference. She knew that he thought her distancing herself had something to do with her learning that she was adopted. She could see his resentment toward her intensify every year. However the sibling bond was impossible to break and at times like this it was almost like they were kids again, at that wonderful age when they'd never heard of adoptions and James Potter. Vivian was pleased to realize that there was still one person who knew her better than Sirius.

"Sirius was proposing on behalf of his brother."

"Yeah, I don't believe that."

"I know. It's crazy, but it's almost true."

"Huh. What would actually true sound like?"

Vivian looked at her brother's face. She just couldn't tell him. "It doesn't matter. You don't have anything to worry about. I'm not in any danger from Sirius."

Severus finally asked the real question that had been weighing on his mind. "Are you involved with him?"

"What? No! He's dating Lysandra, the Ravenclaw."

"Good! He can have his halfblood. You deserve better than a blood traitor." He missed her grimacing at the choice of words. He only looked over in time to see her cold smile. He thought she was smiling in agreement, but she was actually amused by the thought that she was about to become a blood traitor.

"You know, our bloodline is quite a bit muddier than you like to admit."

"Well, it's impossible to be as pure as the Malfoys or the Blacks. They just must have a lot of inbreeding. And that's nothing to be proud of."

"Oh sure you say that now, but I remember when Lucius was still a student here. You used to follow him like a puppy."

"I was twelve!"

"You still worship him, he just isn't here to see it anymore."

"Well, when you abandoned me-"

Vivian threw up her hands. "Okay, this conversation is officially over."

"Why? Because I called you out on the fact that you're a horrible sister and I had to find a new role model?"

Vivian thought about how many times Sirius had asked, "What just happened?" He did not realize that's how conversations go in the Snape family, from friendly to hostile in a matter of seconds.

"I guess if you have to have a new role model, Lucius Malfoy's a pretty good one. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"I won't hold my breath."

Vivian rolled her eyes and once again headed toward her dormitory.

~*~*~*~*~

Sirius was fairly sure he'd gotten through to Vivian. His cheek still smarted where she had slapped him. He wanted to believe that she hadn't just done it for show. It seemed to him that she would not have slapped him so hard if she hadn't meant it, and for some reason it pleased him to know that he had gotten under her skin, that he was still able to make her lose her cool. Yes, he was with Lysandra now, and she was a nice girl, but he didn't really see it going anywhere with her. He'd thought that he had gotten over his little crush on Vivian, but he knew he hadn't the moment he suggested she marry Regulus. That was another reason he was glad she'd slapped him. It meant she was appalled by the idea too, and that maybe she cared about more than the Black name.

~*~*~*~*~

When Vivian finally got to the Slytherin common room, she saw Narcissa at the table with her wedding planner book. Vivian turned around to leave but it was too late. Narcissa had seen her. "Vivian! Do you know who you're taking to the wedding yet? You have to have a date. How would it look if the maid of honor doesn't have a date?"

Vivian smiled sweetly. "The wedding isn't until over four months from now. I have time to get a date."

"I just really need to know if you are going to be a 'plus one' or if you're going with someone who was already invited. I was thinking it would be great if you were there with one of the groomsmen."

"So, what are my options there?"

"Evan Rosier."

"Oh, that won't work." Vivian shook her head vigorously. "I hate him," she said by way of explanation.

"Vivian, you hate everyone. This is my wedding though. It isn't about you. Anyway, why do you hate Evan? He's very attractive and you couldn't ask for purer blood."

Vivian didn't want to argue about it right then, and it would only be for one night. "Evan it is. Is he the best man, because that would be so cute?"

Her sarcasm was lost on Narcissa. "No, Rodolphus is. And, of course he's married, so that wouldn't work."

"But doesn't Bellatrix realize that this is your wedding?"

"Okay, now you're just being sarcastic. My wedding is in less than five months! I am trying to make up a guest list and you can't do anything but make jokes."

"Are you inviting Severus?"

Narcissa scrunched up her nose more than usual. "Ew. Is that another joke?"

"No. You're inviting Rosier and Wilkes and Avery aren't you? Why would you invite the whole group except Severus?"

"Vivian, I know he's your brother, but Severus is a loser and I'm not sure I want him at my wedding. I mean, it's my wedding."

Vivian sighed. "Listen. He really looks up to Lucius. It would mean a lot to him if he was invited."

"I'll talk to Lucius about it. I'm not making any promises though."

"I understand. Actually, I have to go."

"Where? Because I really want to talk to you about the color scheme."

"No, I definitely have to go. I have to talk to a professor."

"Okay, but as soon as you get back-"

Vivian plastered a smile on her face. "As soon as I get back."

Vivian had no need to talk to any professors; in fact she specifically wanted to avoid a couple. So, she headed back to the second floor entrance to Dumbledore's office. As she said "Sugarquill," she briefly wondered how Sirius knew the password. However she was shook out of her thoughts by the gargoyle, which moved out of the way rather suddenly. Vivian peeked into the wall. Even though she knew that students were not allowed to just drop in on the headmaster unexpectedly, she had not thought about that until this moment. Inside she saw a moving spiral staircase. She took a deep breath and entered the passageway completely. As she rode the staircase up, she thought about how much trouble she could get in. She was fairly certain she would not get expelled for this and with barely two months left at this school, that was really her only concern. Anyway, what she had to tell Dumbledore was rather important. By the time she reached the top, she had decided to say that she hadn't made an appointment because she thought it was best to meet with him through unofficial channels. That sounded plausible and he seemed like a reasonable man. Of course, she'd never actually talked to him before. Yeah, this was going to be awkward. She used the griffin-shaped knocker. To her surprise the door opened on its own without waiting for an answer. She saw Dumbledore sitting at his desk. He looked up, but did not say a word. "Oh, hello Professor. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. Sirius Black told me-- I need to talk to you about something."

Dumbledore smiled. "Come in, Miss Snape. Have a seat." She did. "Most students make an appointment before coming to see me."

"Okay, I was going to, but then I thought-- Wait, it makes more sense if you know why I'm here."

"I think I know why you're here. Sirius Black told me he was going to speak to you."

"Oh, good. So you know that he thinks I should... become a spy."

"Yes, and I-"

"Well, I'm not really saying yes yet." Vivian winced when she realized that she had just cut off the headmaster. "I mean, I think I'm willing, but there's a lot of things to think about. This isn't the kind of decision you just make without any... I know that they're wrong, but I don't know if I'm quite ready to do anything about it yet."

"That's why I thought it would be best for us to talk."

"Oh, so it was your idea? Then I'm not really popping up uninvited."

"Sirius tells me that you have some doubts about the Death Eater way of thinking."

"It's just prejudice. And they don't have any facts to back it up. I grew up believing in the pureblood propaganda and I still can't see why people are buying into it."

"Right. Sirius said something very similar to that in regard to you a few days ago. He thinks that as you are friends with so many of Voldemort's--"

Vivian gasped. No one ever said the Dark Lord's name out loud anymore.

"--supporters and haven't made your feelings clear you would be able to obtain access to sensitive information. But in order to become a spy, you have to willing to put your life on the line. Lord Voldemort is a highly skilled Legilimens. Are you willing to face death to save people you barely know and don't really like?"

"I was thinking of not becoming a Death Eater. I could pretend I was staying out of the war." She paused for a second. "Evan Rosier is my date to Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy's wedding. Bellatrix Lestrange adores me. Maybe I could just play on those connections and gather information."

"You life would still be in danger. If you were discovered, none of those people would hesitate to turn you over to their Lord. Bellatrix in particular is..." He seemed to be searching for the right word.

"Psychotic, I know."

Dumbledore smiled. "Yes. Another important matter is how well you'd be able to lie, to sit with them and discuss how commendable Lord Voldemort's work is. To explain quickly and plausibly why you're in Lucius's study without raising any red flags. Pretend I'm one of them." His tone and demeanor changed from friendly to haughty. "Tell me, Vivian if you believe in the Dark Lord's cause, why won't you join our ranks?"

Vivian squirmed a little in her chair. She hadn't expected to be put on the spot so soon. She started slowly, but as she spoke she became more confident. "Okay, I hope you won't look down on me for this, but while I think it's great that he's purging our world of the Mudbloods, I don't know if I'm comfortable with the killing."

"It's a war, Vivian. People die in wars." It was disturbing to see Dumbledore's eyes look so cold.

"I know, but I'm a healer. I don't think that I could kill people. I'm just not cut out for fighting. Of course, Professor, I understand that it'll be harder in a real life situation, but I have to try. Now that I've just reminded myself that I want to be a healer, I can't just sit back and do nothing. I have to try to save people's lives." She hesitated, scared to say the words out loud. "I think I've made my decision."

"I'm glad to hear that. There's just one more issue we need to cover. How can I be sure that I can trust you? You seem equally comfortable on both sides of the issue."

"That's quite a catch-22. I'm a fast liar, so how can you know what I really believe in? I have to be comfortable with their propaganda to be able to do the job, but am I too comfortable with it? Er, I'm not one of them. Sirius is willing to vouch for me."

"I know, but young Mr. Black may be somewhat less immune to your charms."

Vivian's eyes grew wide. "Oh. It's really not like that. Sirius and I are barely even friends. What could I possibly do to make you trust me?"

"Just talk to me for a while, Vivian."

They talked for over an hour about Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort. About how she didn't really consider Narcissa and Lucius her friends. She told him how it broke her heart that her little brother looked up more to Lucius than to her, although she knew that was partly her own fault. By the end, they had decided that Vivian would report any information she obtained to Benjy Fenwick, who was a healer at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, where Vivian would be training, and, according to Dumbledore, a "trusted friend."

~*~*~*~*~

When she left the office, Vivian found Sirius waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. "We need to talk."

"Again? I don't really have time. I promised Narcissa I'd help her decide on a-- Yeah, we can talk now. What's up?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not here."

"Oh, Sirius, I just officially became a spy, so I really can't be seen in public with you anymore."

"I know. That's why I brought the invisibility cloak."

"Ah." She now saw the cloak, which had been pooled at Sirius's feet. He pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket. "What's that?"

"Um, it's a map. I'm trying to figure out where we can go." Vivian tried to see the map but Sirius folded it up quickly. "I know a good place." He picked up the cloak and draped over himself and Vivian.

On the way up to the fifth floor Sirius periodically consulted his map, all the while doing his best to keep it hidden from Vivian. She did manage to get one good look and saw a dot labeled "Filch." She wanted to ask what it meant but assumed he would not give her a straight answer.

Finally they arrived at a deserted room. The doorway was hidden, but Sirius knew exactly how to open it. She wondered how long it had taken him to discover the right combination and how he had even known there was a doorway there. No longer wearing the invisibility cloak, she stuck her head inside. The room was small and dark. She whispered "Lumos" in order to get a better look.

Without warning, Sirius shoved her inside the room and closed the door.

"What the-" Vivian tried to speak but Sirius covered her mouth with his hand. She found herself pinned against the door.

"There's someone coming." He whispered into her ear.

No doubt about it, she still wanted him. Uncomfortable with that knowledge, she pulled his hand off her mouth and quietly cast an Imperturbable Charm on the door.

"Wow. You're really good with that charm."

"Thank you. So what's this all about?"

"I figured it out."

"You figured what out?" Vivian examined the brickwork of the wall, pretending to be disinterested.

"Your secret. What happened to your mother?"

She felt her body tighten, and she was glad that she wasn't facing him. She tried to keep her tone light. "Nothing, why?"

"Because she thought she was in love and look what happened to her. She's the one you don't want to end up like, isn't she? What happened?"

"Well, it's like you said. We're poor. It's horrible."

Sirius got between her and the wall. "No, you specifically said that's not what you meant."

Vivian sighed and took a step back. "My dad's a drunk, okay?"

"Oh." Suddenly Sirius really had figured it out. "Abusive?"

The question startled Vivian. "Why would you think that?"

"You don't like it when I touch you."

She smirked. "That's very arrogant. So, a girl would have to be from an abusive home not to want you to touch her?"

"That's why you don't let anyone in. You don't want to get hurt. Is that why you stopped talking to me? I wouldn't have hurt you."

Vivian chuckled incredulously. "You almost killed my brother. That would have hurt me. That would have devastated me. It basically would have been the worst thing that anyone could have done to me."

"But I didn't kill him."

Vivian waved her hand. "Oh, that's a technicality."

"You don't even know what happened."

"So tell me."

"No. I thought you weren't even that close to Severus."

"He's still my brother."

"But killing him would be the worst thing anyone could possibly do to you? Worse than personal violence against you?"

"I wasn't really thinking when I said that."

"Maybe even though you've grown apart, you still forged a very strong bond growing up in an abusive home. He's your baby brother. Maybe seeing him get hurt affects you so much because you always tried to protect him."

Vivian had hoped that if she provoked a fight, he'd forget the abusive home theory, but no such luck. "Then why don't I protect him now? Why didn't he come running to me when you almost killed him?"

"I think he did. He just didn't tell you any details. Also, I notice you haven't denied it."

Vivian realized he was right. She closed her eyes briefly. "No, I'm trying to poke the actual theory full of holes. Because nothing you're saying makes any sense. How would you feel if your brother was killed by some arrogant jackass? I know you two aren't close, but just stop and think about it. It still hurts, doesn't it?"

"I know I'm right about this."

"You're not. You're wrong about all of it." Vivian was starting to get frustrated. She wished he would just let it go. "My dad is a jerk and a drunk, and my mum was in love with him, still is probably. That's why I don't have a lot of faith in love. But he wasn't abusive. I don't like it when you touch me, but that doesn't mean that my father hit me. My mum wasn't even who I was talking about."

"Why did it take you so long to come up with that?"

"Come up with what?"

"With what you just said. You could have told me that it wasn't her when I first said it. Instead you're response was that your father was a drunk."

"I was explaining the other statement, what happened to my mother to make me not believe in love."

"Look, I understand what it's like to have a difficult family. My parents are-"

"Are you serious? No pun intended, but honestly! I'm a Slytherin; we invented mind games."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You want me to start ranting about how a poor little rich boy like you couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have a difficult family. And while I do believe that it's a bit presumptuous of you to compare your situation to an abusive home, I do not come from an abusive home."

"I don't believe you."

Vivian scoffed. "You can believe whatever you want, but it's the truth."

"It'll come in handy that you're such a good liar."

"What do you want from me, Sirius?" When he didn't respond, she continued. "You want a clean answer to all your questions, so that you can tell yourself that you've solved the mystery of Vivian Snape and move on. And you've found that an abusive father explains everything, so now you won't let that go. You don't even care that it's not the truth."

"So, prove me wrong. Tell me the truth right now."

"Tell me what you did to Severus."

"I set him up to be attacked by a werewolf," Sirius replied without hesitation.

Vivian was shocked into silence for several seconds. "O-okay. It turns out I didn't actually want to know."

"Your turn to confess."

"How do I know that you're telling the truth?" She turned toward the door. "I think I need to hear Severus's side first."

Sirius blocked the exit. "I just told you something I swore I would never tell anyone. You're not leaving here until you tell me the truth."

"Are you threatening me?"

He leaned back against the door and folded his arms across his chest. "Why does it matter? It's not like you come from an abusive home."

Vivian sighed. "Okay, sometimes, when my dad was really drunk, he could be... unpredictable, but he hardly ever--" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Fine! He hit us sometimes. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?"

"No. I just wanted--"

"And this might come in handy for you; people from non-abusive homes don't like to be threatened either."

"No, I was--"

"After everything that Severus has been through, you set him up to be attacked by a werewolf! What kind of a sick person are you?"

"I wasn't--"

"Oh, and I love how you said you'd never hurt me. You're obviously some kind of psychopath."

"I'm not a psycho--"

"This is why I didn't want to talk to you anymore." Vivian had started pacing, and getting worked up again. "I saw the warning signs. And even though it was statistically improbable, I knew... I knew it was wrong to talk to you."

"Would you please let me defend myself?" he exclaimed.

She stopped pacing and walked up to him. As he was about fifteen centimeters taller than she was, Vivian felt ludicrously short next to him, but did not let that get in the way of her fury. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare yell at me. There is no defense for what you did."

"You won't even listen. You want me to be the bad guy. I don't know why, but you need me to be that guy."

"Oh, no. I did not do this. It was all you. Don't try to pretend that I'm overreacting. There is no explan- How do you even know a werewolf?" She started to back away from him. "Oh, Merlin!"

"What?" He rolled his eyes, realizing what she meant. "I'm not a werewolf."

"Oh."

"Are you... disappointed?"

Vivian said "No," but her tone said yes.

"See. That wasn't all me. You want to believe that I'm a monster."

"I just thought that if you were a werewolf, maybe that would be a defense."

"How so?"

"I don't know. You were transformed, blood hungry, and you lured Severus. Of course, then it would have been even more ridiculous when you said you wouldn't hurt me."

"Oh, look at that. You're not hysterical anymore. Maybe now we can have a rational conversation." Sirius was still leaning against the door, looking so cool. Vivian hated that.

"Are you going to hold me here until I hear you out?" Sirius nodded. "What just happened here? How did I end up kidnapped?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're not-- You know what? I'm not going to give you an answer to that, because you never gave me one when I wanted to know what happened after you started freaking out."

"Fine. This should be entertaining." Vivian sat cross-legged on the floor. "What is your defense?"

"Severus was being annoying and following us around, trying to get us into trouble."

"Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. It was perfectly justified. Can I go now?"

"No. It's more complicated than it sounds, but I don't know how to explain without-- "

"It's Remus, right?

"What's Remus?"

Vivian snorted. "The werewolf. It's obvious; he always looks ill and leaves to visit sickly family members. You were trying to protect Remus and Severus wouldn't leave you alone. So in a moment of frustration, you told him he could find out what you all were doing if he just went over there." She waved her arm vaguely to the left.

"I don't know what to do with that because it's clearly an excuse you'd accept, but Remus isn't a werewolf. So..."

"I already told you; the moment I stopped to think how you would know a werewolf, it was obvious. And that's why all the secrecy. It's not to protect you and James; it's for Remus. Dumbledore knows about him."

"You're wrong."

Sirius was starting to look uncomfortable. Vivian tried to fight the urge to look smug, but she was unsuccessful. "You sound like me circa five minutes ago, and I was lying."

"The werewolf is just some guy. I was annoyed and I wanted to get rid of Severus."

"What is that like?"

"What?"

"Caring about your friend that much, enough to paint yourself as a sociopath."

Sirius smiled. "Sociopath? Isn't that one step up from psycho? Your opinion of me is improving."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about Remus."

"Thanks, but there's nothing to tell."

Vivian burst out laughing. His blasé attitude was starting to return, and she couldn't have that. "That's what I sounded like. You knew you were right. All the pieces fell into place. But I kept insisting you were wrong."

Sirius scratched the back of his neck. "Just because it sounds similar, doesn't mean it's the same thing."

"Okay, but let's just say hypothetically: If Remus were a werewolf, would you lie to protect him?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"No. I just meant... would you do anything to protect your friends?"

"Yeah, they're like my family."

"I don't have friends like that."

"You never wanted friends like that. You purposefully latched onto Narcissa's bitchy boat to keep anyone from getting close to you."

"You know, I was starting to think of this as if we were locked in this room with nothing to do but have a deep, revealing conversation. But that's really only true for me. You can let us out of here anytime you want."

"So... you've officially defected over to our side?"

"No. I mean, yes, but you're not going to distract me. I told you my secret and I heard your side of the story. When are you going to let me go?"

"What part of kidnapped don't you understand?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend? What would Lysandra say?"

"It's not going to work out with Lysandra."

Vivian started. "Are you-- Are you just saying that so that I'll shag you?"

"What? No!"

"Oh, it just all felt very contrived for a second there. 'Oh, my girlfriend doesn't understand me,' you know?"

"I meant don't bother threatening to tell her, because I don't care if she breaks up with me. It's not going to work out anyway. Would you have shagged me?"

Vivian didn't like the way his eyes twinkled when he said that, and she especially didn't like the first answer that popped into her head. "No. You're holding me here against my will."

"I am saving you from having to help Narcissa with... whatever it was she wanted help with."

Vivian shuddered. "I forgot about Narcissa. I cannot believe I let her talk me into--" She cut herself off.

"What? What did she talk you into?"

"Never mind."

"Okay, well, plus you have a wand, so it's not like you're completely helpless here."

"Yeah, I thought of that. But then I remembered that you're in training to become an auror, so I decided you probably have the upper hand."

"So... are you still angry about the werewolf thing?"

"Um,... Not as angry."

"Is that because you think it's Remus?"

Vivian leaned forward. "Look I know you're scared. I figured it out and it's entirely your fault. You didn't even have to say anything about a werewolf, but you wanted to prove that you were right about my dad, so much so that you let it slip. But I'm really not going to say anything about this to anyone."

"Why would you do that for me?"

"For Remus." Vivian wanted that much to be clear.

"You don't even know Remus."

"And thus I have no reason to want to destroy his life."

"So the fact that he's a wer- allegedly a werewolf isn't reason enough?"

"No, it's not. I'm not heartless, Sirius. You seem unable to make up your mind about whether I am or not, but I'm going to come right out and insist that I'm not. I don't want to hurt Remus. I would prefer if you kept him away from me at certain times of the month. Please don't point me or any members of my family in his direction during a full moon."

"So you are still upset that I tried to kill your brother?"

Vivian looked down at the floor. "He's going to become a Death Eater any day now. I wouldn't be able to protect him anymore, even if I wanted to. But, yes, I am still angry at you."

"Why wouldn't you want to protect him?"

"I'm not going to talk to you about this."

"Are you sure? This might be your last chance to bare your soul."

"Do you want to know what I'm angry about? It's not that one incident where he almost died, Sirius. It's all of it. It's everything you've done to torture Severus for the last six years. You want to talk? Let's talk about the time at the lake after your OWLs."

"When we- You weren't even there."

"Word got around. What was that about? Was he actively trying to get you in trouble then? Because the way I heard it, James attacked him for no reason."

"That was James-"

"You, James. You're interchangeable at this point. Besides, you got a few spells in by the end."

"And I'm sure we had a reason. I just can't quite remember it. He called Evans a... 'Mudblood.'"

"After you--and by you, I mean both of you--had already hung him upside down."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"Going on the offensive won't make me forget what we're talking about. You seem to be a little sadistic. That's why I didn't want to talk to you anymore. We were getting a little too friendly. I don't need friends like that."

"It's not sadism. It's just the way- Over the years we've developed a loathe/loathe relationship. Maybe we didn't have a specific reason after the Defense OWL, but that is generally how we interact with your brother. He's done horrible stuff to us too. "

"Really?" Vivian was almost proud. "You mean other than try to get you expelled?"

"Yeah, jinxes and hexes."

She eyed him warily. "How come I've never heard about this before? All I ever hear about is the things you did."

"I don't know. Maybe Severus likes to play the victim."

"He is the vic--" She cut herself off.

"I rest my case. So because of a couple isolated incidents, you were afraid I was going to start beating you up?"

"I didn't say that."

"Not in so many words. You told me it wasn't about... that. I've lost count of how many times you've said 'it's not about that,' and then it turns out it kind of was. But specifically, you said that you weren't freaking out because of the way I treat Severus."

"Right. It was because of the personality traits that lead you to act that way. Do you see the difference? And by the way, it is really annoying that you remember every word I say."

Sirius smirked. "I imagine it would be when you try to constantly contradict yourself."

"I don't think I have once contradicted myself. I have omitted certain things, and later had to fill in the blanks. You just read too much into what I say."

"You have contradicted yourself. You said-"

Vivian pulled out her wand. "If you finish that sentence, I swear I will hex you. Damn the consequences."

"Fine. That's not where I wanted to conversation to go anyway. I just want you to admit that you were--" Sirius stopped to think about what exactly he wanted her to admit. "That you were interested in me but broke it off because you were afraid of getting involved in an abusive relationship. That's what happened, isn't it?"

"Can you see how inappropriate this is? You've trapped me in here, and now you're trying to convince me that I wanted a relationship with you."

"Can you see that you never answer questions directly?"

"Never say never. I have answered several of your-"

"You're doing it again."

Vivian had not even realized it. She sighed. "What was the question?"

"Were you interested in me?"

"I think I've already answered that question."

Sirius started to laugh. "That's not-"

"Sorry, you're right. A straight answer. Yes. There, that was a straight answer. And- I just contradicted myself. I feel like you tricked me."

"See, I knew it. I'm not abusive in my relationships."

"Okay, excuse me if I don't take your word on that. And, look, it wasn't even that bad. He just slapped us around a bit."

"Yeah, for some reason I don't believe you."

"Can I go now? I have things to do. I have NEWTs to study for."

"Yeah." Sirius moved away from the door. "You could've left whenever you wanted."

"What part of kidnapped don't you understand?"

Sirius smiled. "Oh, come on. I didn't really kidnap you; I'm not a psychopath."

Vivian laughed lightly. Then she threw her arms in the air. "Help me up."

Sirius took her hand and pulled her to her feet. "Wow, you didn't flinch when we made contact. You're showing real progress."

Vivian ignored him and reversed the charm on the door. She then put her ear to it. "I don't hear anyone," she whispered, but when she turned around, Sirius was looking at his map again.

He folded up the map, tapped it with his wand, and said "mischief managed." Then he glanced up at Vivian. "There's no one coming. You go first and I'll follow under the cloak."

"What's with the map?"

"I've already told you enough secrets for one day. Remus, James and Peter are already going to kill me. I'm not telling you anymore of the Marauders' secrets."

Vivian tried not to laugh. "The Marauders? You call yourselves the Marauders?"

"Yeah, but that's not really a secret. Just go before I say anything else."

Vivian smiled and started to walk out the door. Suddenly she stopped. "Wait, was I right?"

Sirius closed the door. "About what?"

"Before I say I'm less angry about the werewolf thing, was I right about why you did it?"

"What did you say?"

"That you were trying to protect Remus and Severus wouldn't leave you alone, so in a moment of frustration and bad judgment you sent him over to where the werewolf was."

"Yeah, that about covers it. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, I know that it was wrong, not just for Severus, but for Remus. I basically exploited him because I was having a bad day. There's really no defense for it, and I can't believe Remus is still willing to talk to me. Of course, it took months for him to finally forgive me."

Vivian still was not willing to forgive Sirius for all the things he had done to her brother, but looking at him now, any residual anger she felt toward him dissipated. She had never seen Sirius look so sad. It was strangely satisfying to see this vulnerable side of him. Vivian pushed it out of her mind and asked, "Are you still upset at me about the Mrs. Black comment?"

"Who said I was upset about that?"

"Oh. I don't know. I just thought the way you threw it back in my face this afternoon..."

"Did you mean it?"

"Um... no. That thought had really never crossed my mind."

"Then why did you say it?"

"To get rid of you. That stuff you said about... that. Is that really what you think of me?"

Sirius gave her an odd look. "That's what you told me to think."

She realized he was right and wondered why it even mattered to her. She took a deep breath. "This has to be the end for us. Please, for both of our sakes, don't ever talk to me again. This--" she gestured between herself and Sirius, "--never happened." With that, Vivian threw the door open and exited into the hall.

~*~*~*~*~

Sirius slowly climbed the stairs to the sixth-year boys dormitory. Remus had finally completely forgiven his mistake, and now Sirius had to tell Remus that the secret had spread to one more person. When he got to the room, only Remus was there.

"I have really bad news. I talked to... Vivian, and she... She knows, Remus."

Remus looked surprisingly and scarily calm. "Why after all this time?"

"I think it's my fault. She knew there was a werewolf, but Snape - Snivellus - never mentioned any names. She asked how I knew a werewolf, and-"

"And you told her?"

"No! From there she figured it out. Because of all your weakly explained absences and how sickly you look sometimes. I denied it, but she wouldn't believe me. She said it was obvious. I'm so sorry."

"That's just bloody fantastic."

"Wait, but she said she wouldn't tell. That she had no reason to want to hurt you. I believe her, mate."

"She's a Slytherin and a Snape. Why would you believe her?"

"Look, I've talked to her a few times. She's not hateful; she's more apathetic. And she doesn't blame you for what almost happened. So, while she'll probably avoid you from now on, she's not going to say anything."

"Are you willing to stake our friendship on it?"

"What alternative do I have? Do you want me to kill her to make sure she takes your secret to the grave?"

"Would you?"

Sirius hesitated. "I honestly don't know. I think I could kill to protect you, but I don't think this situation warrants it. I also don't think you really meant that."

"I didn't. You know, sometimes people say things without meaning to."

Sirius shook his head. "Not Vivian. She's very calculating, and she rarely says an unplanned word, especially to people who matter."

"Okay. Since, after three conversations, you're our resident Vivian expert, I'll have to trust your opinion of her."

~*~*~*~*~

"Do you have any idea how long you were gone?"

Vivian could not believe that Narcissa was still sitting at the table in the common room, waiting for her. She sat down next to her friend. "Okay, let's talk colors."

"Where were you?"

"I had to talk to a professor and then I had a couple errands to run."

"Did they have anything to do with what Sirius wanted to talk to you about?"

"No, not really." Vivian made a move to look at the book, but Narcissa pushed to the side.

"So what did Sirius want to talk to you about?"

"It's really stupid. I don't want to tell you." Narcissa eyed her suspiciously. Vivian knew she had to explain, but she had no idea what to say. The key to a good lie was to stay as close to the truth as possible, she told herself. "When we talked about Severus all those months ago, I mentioned that I wasn't that close to him. Sirius thought that maybe I'd said that because I was pulling away from my family and wanted to reject their pureblood ideology like he had with his family. Which is definitely not what I meant. I said that because Severus is a loser, not because he's a future Death Eater."

"But you're not rejecting your pureblood heritage, right?"

"No! Sirius just wants to validate his own betrayal by convincing other people to become blood traitors too."

"So you're not thinking of switching sides?"

Vivian tried to convey horrified righteous indignation. From Narcissa's look, she assumed that she'd been fairly successful. "I can't believe you just asked me that. Have I given you any reason to think that I'm a Mudblood sympathizer?"

"No, but-"

"But what? Do you need to hear me say it? I'm not a Mudblood sympathizer. I'm a pureblood and I am looking forward to day when that will mean something again. But why should I have to defend myself? Your family history is just as questionable with all the blood traitors popping up in the Black family. Where are your declarations of loyalty?"

Narcissa scoffed. "I don't think anyone has any doubts as to my loyalty."

"I don't think Sirius's misinterpretation should count as a real assessment of my loyalty. Anyway, I told you it was stupid. I shouldn't have even said anything. Let's just get back to the color schemes."