The War of Shades

Chapter 60 For the Time Being

When the Hall started to clear, Professor Dumbledore caught Harry's eye and nodded for Harry to come with him. Dumbledore led Harry through a passage behind a tapestry, pressed his nose against a door which then opened for him, and in less than a minute, they emerged into Dumbledore's office, where Professor McGonagall and Cameron were waiting for them. The fireplace had a very pleasant and cheery fire crackling. Fawkes cooed on their arrival.

"Harry," began a beaming Dumbledore, "I thought we had better talk before the press of the wizarding community becomes too great. They have already begun to arrive. First, I hope it scarce needs be said how pleased and proud I am."

"And Potter," added McGonagall, "I have to give you my personal thank you again. When I awoke in the Hospital Wing, I had not had my wits about me yet to remember why I was there. Later, I was told how you had saved my life, but I'd no idea that you had taken that torture upon yourself. I simply cannot imagine freely electing to bear that and I find it difficult to express my awe that you could even make such a choice."

Harry looked fondly at her. "Professor, I hope you know I mean it when I say that I would do it for you anytime. You and Mrs. Weasley have been the nearest I have had my whole life to a mother."

"Oh ... Harry." She started to reach out toward him, then held back and put her hand over her mouth and sobbed.

"It's okay, Minerva," comforted Dumbledore. "It's just the four of us and he's not a student any longer: you can unbend a bit at a time like this."

With that, she abandoned all restraint and threw her arms around Harry's shoulders, crying uncontrollably. After a minute or so, she straightened up, holding his shoulders with her hands and looking up into Harry's eyes.

"I was there, Potter, when Hagrid brought you to your aunt and uncle's house nearly 17 years ago. I thought Albus was daft to leave you with those people, but I understood what he was saying about the importance of being brought up without being a celebrity, to say nothing of the protection afforded there. I have no idea how you came through it so well, but I am so proud to have had a part in raising and teaching a boy, a man, of such remarkable character."

"Thank you, Professor," replied Harry. "I hope I'll be able to live up to what you're saying."

"My boy," said Dumbledore, "your humility is delightful, and you wear it well. But don't ever let it be false. You know that you are a powerful and talented wizard who has already done great things - you needn't hide your light."

"Yes, Professor," Harry said. Then he turned to Reverend MacBoon. "Cameron, couldn't you have told me what the purpose of that reading about the woman was?"

Cameron got a sly smile and asked, "And what would that be, Harry?"

"When you first read about that woman, I thought it was to remind us of how forgiving we needed to be toward Voldemort, but on the way to London, as I thought about what happened on the island, I realized that I was like that woman - I was in need of accepting forgiveness. Couldn't you have told me that?"

"Sometimes, Harry, seeds have to be planted and allowed to grow. If I had tried to transplant the idea into your head full-grown, you never would have accepted it, maybe as an abstract idea, but not within your heart. Besides, at times, we are in all three positions - accused, accuser and forgiver."

Harry hugged Cameron, who hugged him back. "Thank you, Cameron. You've been a wonderful teacher."

"A person can only hope to ever have such a wonderful student. Can you tell me something, Harry? It seems you actually saw creation as a whole. How was it?"

"Good," said Harry, with a mischievous grin, "It's good."

Cameron laughed. "I guess I should have expected that - what more can someone say? But did your experience show you anything about - the Eternal, as you described it - that you can tell us?"

"I reckon I can try. The best way to describe it is to say that I saw how we are all an interconnected part of the Eternal. We exist, therefore we are part of all which exists. The Eternal One encompasses all things. It, or He if you prefer, is more than merely immortal - he IS all time and all things. It is ironic in that seeking immortality and power, Voldemort shut himself off from both, and I, in being willing to give up all the power and life that I had, experienced both.

"I realize now that I was being given the opportunity to have at least a portion of God's own view of us - all special, all precious, but none above any others. What is most delightful to him, because his nature is Love for his creation, is the ways and extent to which we reach out to our fellow beings; as you taught me, what we have done for the least among us, we do as well for Him. Love of Creation, love of God, love of others, love of self - they really are all part of the same thing, once you understand their unity: if someone tries to love part without loving the rest, he really is deluding himself and rejecting even that which he believes he loves.

"I found that we beings are a special part of the Eternal, for we experience pain, and joy, and love, and anguish and happiness uniquely, and as a part of the Whole and on behalf of the Whole."

"You sound as if you embrace this specialness of beings to experience these things - I thought maybe you had experienced enough pain. I was concerned that by now you would want to avoid all emotions and feelings."

"Oh, I think I've had enough pain and frustration for anyone, I daresay, but that's life! So long as I can deal with it, I don't intend to avoid it at the expense of allowing unnecessary suffering. However, I learned that it is important that I accept and know joy and happiness, and I've fallen short in that."

"Do something about that, will you?"

"I certainly intend to." Then Harry turned to Dumbledore. "Professor Dumbledore, may I ask something?"

"Of course, Harry, in fact, I wish you had done so more often all along - and you can also call me Albus, if you'd like."

"It will take some getting used to saying 'Albus.' Why healing? Was that the 'power to vanquish the Dark Lord' the prophecy foretold?"

"Actually, Harry, I don't think so, at least, not by itself. Remember the prophecy was for a weapon the Dark Lord knew not. He of course knows the power of healing, but as with all his efforts only healing himself. Even muggles have rather sturdy abilities to heal themselves. Wizards even more so. I quite suspect that this is what gave rise to and preserved magical abilities, until those abilities became strong enough and varied enough to branch out to other functions.

"Muggles who know me estimate my age as 70 or 80, some guess even younger as I am really quite vigorous, as you well know. But I am over 150 years old. I believe you know Madame Marchbanks, who gave me my NEWT and OWL tests on several subjects - obviously she is substantially older than I, but we won't speculate on a woman's age, eh? When Miss Granger looked up registered animagi and found Professor McGonagall, she overlooked me because she only checked the twentieth century. Being muggle-born, she could not imagine the need to check further back for living animagi. But barring some unforeseen incident, I have many years to go.

"Why can I expect to live so long? Because wizards have such remarkable healing ability - it's part of what makes us magical. A muggle who had been through what you have would likely be dead, or at best crippled. A good bit of our magical abilities are turned inward to our own benefit. There's nothing wrong with that, any more than it is for muggles to be able to heal their wounds in their slower way.

"No, what is unique about you and to a lesser extent your mother's healing ability is that you are able - and willing - to project it beyond yourself. Your mother needed her wand to extend it far enough to help others, so she was never without it once she discovered her ability. She considered it irresponsible to take a chance on being unable to help someone who needed it when she had the ability to do so. Most students don't bring their wands to quidditch matches, but she had hers and was able to save your father. Apparently her efforts not only saved his life, but also began the process of curing him of some rather unpleasant traits he had developed at the time. The Potters were very decent and caring people, but as I believe you have discovered, your father had learned the overbearing arrogance that too many talented performers do. He matured remarkably in the year after his accident, to where he had grown from being merely the powerful wizard and quidditch hero he had been to being respected and honored as a good man. It was halfway through his sixth year that he learned of Sirius's nasty trick on Professor Snape and risked being bitten by Lupin to save him."

"But Snape, uh, Professor Snape, still blames my father for that incident!"

"Yes, Harry," admitted Dumbledore. "He still cannot understand it. He turned from Voldemort, but he has trouble believing that anyone else could mend their ways. He is not a bad man, Harry, but he is almost entirely unable to trust people, due to his upbringing."

"That's very sad."

"It is indeed," agreed Dumbledore, and he hung his head sadly.

"Actually, what may be more to the point in the prophecy is your humility, Harry," said Cameron.

"Interesting suggestion, Cameron," said Dumbledore. "Can you explain what you mean?"

"It's just this, Albus: when he learned that he could do this for people, he didn't feel so self-important that he would keep it just for himself or his close friends. He willingly accepted the burden entailed on behalf of anyone who needed it, putting his own temporary discomfort - right, more than mere discomfort - behind others' great needs. And what ultimately defeated Voldemort was the two of them seeing the true nature of beings. Harry felt ennobled at being an equal part of the whole collection of beings, where Voldemort was shattered to know that from the viewpoint of eternity, he was truly nothing special. His pride was his undoing, where Harry's humility was his shield."

"That makes sense, Cameron," said Harry. "I know the way his mind worked from the inside out and I know for a fact that humility was not to be found."

"It never ceases to amaze me, after all my years, to see how much I have to learn," said Dumbledore, "but I think you've hit the nail on the head that humility is the 'power the Dark Lord knows not.' I don't think I ever would have viewed it as a power, but in the right circumstances, I now see how it is."

After a few seconds, Dumbledore continued in a new vein. "Now before we release you to the celebration, Harry, I'd like to talk to you about your future. First, though, Minerva, could you see to the trappings of the celebration - accommodations, refreshments, some entertainments. This looks to be a bigger hootenanny than the first time Voldemort fell."

"That would indeed be my pleasure."

"Before you go, if any of you see any of the Weasleys, tell them to welcome Percy when he arrives. I informed Arthur and Molly this evening that he has been serving as a spy for the Order for these past three years. He has been invaluable to me keeping an eye first on Fudge and then on the Department of Mysteries."

Professor McGonagall smiled. "It would be my pleasure to get those hard feelings set aside. I'll make a priority of it: we wouldn't want any unfortunate accidents when he shows up."

With that, Professor McGonagall and Reverend MacBoon left through the main door.

"Now Harry," continued Dumbledore, "let's consider some options for your immediate future. First, I believe you know that Sirius left his house and other belongings to you. There is quite a fortune in his Gringotts' vault and also a number of investment documents there which are now yours. Have Fred and George Weasley yet told you that you are a partner in their business? No? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything yet, but the goblins Hogwarts employs to handle our finances and accounting have also been handling accounts for the twins. The twins have treated your Triwizard winnings an investment, not a gift. They have been setting aside one third of everything not plowed back into the business for your account. It's worth quite a tidy sum now and grows daily. For all their shenanigans, the twins are both good businessmen and good men. I think I am as proud of them as I am of any of my students - except maybe one.

"And you should probably capitalize on your current fame and popularity - if you don't, somebody will without you."

"Professor Dumbledore, isn't that a little, erm, tacky?"

"Hah, you're asking that of a man who has his portrait on chocolate frog cards. Those cards would be a good start - they have to pay royalties to living wizards on the cards, and yours will be some of the most popular cards for years to come. There are certain advantages, as well. Tell them I said you should get a sickle per card."

"That's a lot, isn't it? The whole pack costs just over a sickle."

"Of course you deserve that much and much more from the wizarding community. Of course, you're right - the price of the chocolate frogs will not allow such a high compensation. But you tell the company representative I said you should get a sickle, and you'll be able to get them at least up to 5 knuts per card. I only get 4 knuts per card, but the packs didn't cost as much when I negotiated that. Also this is very important: insist that you keep the original photographs. Here's where the real advantage lies - you can use them to communicate with all the Harry Potter cards out there. You'd be amazed at how valuable that can be as a resource. There's even a charm for looking into the photograph to see and hear what the prints on the cards see and hear. I'll teach you that one."

"Next, Harry, you will be offered book deals. Just see me when someone approaches you about that. There are few things worse than seeing your whole life's work made into a colossal bore by some hack who fancies himself a writer."

Harry cocked his head. "Maybe I could find a muggle writer who could do versions for muggle publishers."

"And risk exposure of the wizarding world?"

Harry smiled. "What muggle would take all this seriously? Muggles don't see magic in the world unless you bring them right up to it and hold it for them."

"True. There could be some money in that as well, if you can find someone trustworthy. Now how about quidditch - do you still want to play?"

That really caught Harry's attention. "I'd love to play more quidditch - am I good enough for professional?"

"Yes, Harry, you're as good a seeker as anyone playing. You could use a little training on strategy, particularly resisting other Seekers' tricks, but no one finds the snitch and flies a broom like you do. You would be paid ridiculously just because of who you are, but all the more so for being good at it, for what is still very much a part-time job, particularly for a seeker. With a bit of work, I think you would make the English national team for the World Cup.

"And that brings me to my last suggestion. I'd like you to stay at Hogwarts as a teacher or, more accurately, a coach. Madame Hooch has wanted to leave for some time, and has only stayed at my insistence. You could teach flying and apparation. Madam Hooch and Madam Pomfrey will teach you all you need to know about magical reversal. You have also well proven that you are uniquely able to coach the DA as well. I would love to see an entire generation or more of sorcerers as brave, decent and skillful as your students have become.

"I would rather you do those things than be a classroom teacher because I want you to have sufficient free time for a special project that needs doing. You are presently the only known person with access to the Chamber of Secrets, since you are the only known parselmouth. We really ought to find out what else is down there besides an enormous basilisk carcass and loads of basilisk skins. And as for that, I'd like to work with you on finding what magical properties there are to basilisk parts, just as I worked on dragon blood over a century ago. To explore, I would recommend that you take Dobby with you. In fact I believe I'll assign him to you full time as your helper so long as you are here. He will be thrilled, and you couldn't possibly have a more loyal assistant. There may be a number of traps and curses down there, and the powerful magic of the goblins and elves will see him through nicely. He'll even be able to apparate you out of there, so long as the entrance is open, rather than you having to rely on Fawkes or trying to steer a broom through that narrow passage.

"So, how does all that sound to you?"

"Overwhelming, but wonderful. Hogwarts is the first place that ever felt like home to me. It would be great to stay, at least for awhile, while I learn what it's like to live without some madman trying to kill me. I had kind of thought of becoming an auror, though." said Harry.

Dumbledore nodded. "It's good to keep an eye on your options. I think you'll find that the auror program will wait for you - they usually like a wizard or witch to have some experience out of school before joining the program anyway."

Harry nodded. "Well, that makes sense. I know Professor Moody would be appalled if I was an auror without being much more suspicious. And honestly, I'm a bit tired of fighting. Okay, for now, I'll say yes, but if something else interesting pops up ..."

Dumbledore laughed. "Yes, by all means talk to me. If there is anything that has frustrated me more than your habit of stubbornly failing to go to people who care about you for help, I don't know what it is. Is there anything else on your mind? You seem a bit pensive."

Harry knit his brow and then explained, "Yes, but I'm not sure how to explain it. You see, I feel like I have to use my power to heal when it may be needed. That's not the problem; I want to do it. I know no one will force me to, but it's just wrong not to do so when you can."

"Harry," interrupted Cameron, "I remember you saying that the ability to provide healing would be a terrible burden, because you couldn't see how to say no. Are you still feeling that way?"

"Not exactly. Well, it is a burden, of course, in that I will be responding whenever needed, but I've accepted that it's a gift that I really must use. I think I've come to see service to others as less a burden and more of an opportunity. I don't expect to be a healer and use it for every little problem a person can be healed from - just like, well, what I've done so far, life-threatening or unresponsive conditions. How can I say no to people who will have no life, or no real living?

"The problem is that I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve. It hurts. A lot. I've faced a lot of pain already - it's fair to say I've experienced more pain than most people do in a lifetime, and I'm not yet 18. It gets very old."

"I'm sure," said Cameron, with utmost sympathy.

"Maybe my body someday will just not let me do it anymore. I was really inspired and enthusiastic when I healed the Longbottoms: I'm not sure that if I tried to do it even now, a few hours later, I could do it, particularly knowing just how much pain was involved."

"Harry," Dumbledore replied, shaking his head sadly, "I wish I had an answer for you. My first inclination is to tell you to refuse, because I've grown to love you and I want to protect you from pain. But I also know you - it would hurt you more to leave people suffering and dying than it would to take their pain on yourself to cure it. I don't actually know what to tell you. You see, I've faced danger many times, but not so much of pain. Perhaps you should seek counsel with those who have known pain. However, I know this much - you need to be willing to allow yourself to take some sweetness in life to balance out the sour."

"Yes. That part I know - being willing to accept good things as well as bad was a great part of what I learned this morning was needful."

"Excellent, Harry - take some time to enjoy; you have truly earned it! And accept the wisdom you need wherever you might find it. Well, if that's settled - tentatively, of course - we had better get moving along."

"I'd like to go to the hospital wing first, if I could. I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone there. Are you going that way, Cameron?"

"I've spent time with all of the injured and their families, Harry, while you were off flitting about. I may make rounds again later, but I need to be in the dungeon where families are retrieving their deceased kin. Some won't be ready for it yet, but many will want spiritual comfort and counseling now."

"Yes, Cameron," said Dumbledore, "Your work in this war is far from over, isn't it? Come, Harry. I'll take you a quicker way."