The War of Shades

Chapter 53 Stag, Doe and Dog

As Harry got up, Hermione said quietly, "Harry, while you were healing Tonks, I thought I saw..."

Harry held up his hand to stop her. "Now's not the time. We have to get to as many as we can. Look how close we were with her."

They set out to the nearest purple sparks, as Hermione gave a little sniffle. When they got to the next location, they found Ernie McMillan. They couldn't see what was wrong. He wasn't moving. Hermione checked him several ways: for a pulse, for breath, for pupil dilation. He was dead.

"No!" demanded Harry, as much to himself and Ernie as to the others. "We've got to try."

Harry dropped to his hands and knees over Ernie and soon the green glow bathed him. And just as quickly, it stopped.

"There's nothing there I can heal."

Harry cursed. He and Ernie were never close friends. Other than DA meetings and the one weekend in the summer he had visited, they never even hung out together. But Ernie was a decent guy and had been a fine and dedicated leader, and it hurt Harry deeply to know with such cold certainty that Ernie was dead.

"Come on. We have to hurry. Every second counts."

Harry would not allow himself to care about physical pain. Too many people had died. He had the ability to stop it for some, if only he could get to them in time - and find enough care in his heart for them to overcome the body's aversion to such pain.

The next purple and red sparks they saw led them to a pile of shabby robes that looked familiar. But the shape inside them was not. There was a sharp furry snout projecting. A low furry forehead was deeply indented. Harry looked up at the full moon.

"It's Remus!" he said. "Hold me up again. Hermione, stand by to stun him as hard as you can. With the full moon, he'll be dangerous once I've healed his injuries. But wait until he's healed - I don't think he could take it right now."

Harry remembered that Lupin had decided to put off taking his wolfsbane potion, which would have left him too weak and docile to fight. He had hoped to make it back to the castle before the moon rose. The injuries kept him from doing so. Harry knelt on hands and knees, pulling his hood as far forward as it would go again. Ginny and Ron grabbed the shoulders of his robe. The green glow came much quicker now. Harry was getting much better with practice. His skull crushed over the left eye and ear. He felt pain searing through his entire body as his hands became paws and a snout erupted between his eyes. Lupin's body transformed back into a human again, with no injuries, and the green light subsided, as Harry painfully became Harry again. It had taken little more than two minutes, but they were two absolutely awful minutes.

Lupin opened his eyes and saw the full moon. He started to yell, "Stun me, bind me, do something before I change to the werewolf!"

"No worry, mate," said Ron smiling. "You already were. Harry changed you back. He's learned to heal people."

Lupin put his hand to his head.

Ron continued glibly. "That's gone, too. He just draws the injury out."

Harry knew that it was more than that, but that would do for now. Remus held his face straight-on toward the full moon filtering through the broken branches above, testing to see if he would change again.

Harry waited a few seconds and then, convinced the lycanthropy was over for this month, said, "We've got to hurry. If you're okay, 'Mooncalf,' they'll need you to help get the injured back to the castle. You know what needs to be done. Sorry to be short with you. There are others in need. We'll talk later."

Remus remained staring at the moon, speechless. Harry moved on; he couldn't wait for thanks. It was unnecessary and it took time - time he could ill afford.

"Harry?" Hermione said, catching up to him as he strode on ahead of the others toward the next set of flares.

"Not now, we have others to get to."

"It's something different. We'll talk as we go. When you were healing Remus, I got to feeling quite drained, like I had some sort of illness. And once you and he were healed ..." (Harry pursed his lips at the realization that she knew that he had to take on the injury to heal others), "I returned to feeling fine - better than before."

"Listen, thanks for telling me, but there's no time to noodle it out. We'll work on it as we go."

They found four more, auror Wimbush and three adult volunteers, near each other. Harry remembered two of the volunteers from training camp. At first it was hard to get the healing started. It's easy to say you love all mankind when it doesn't cost anything, when it doesn't mean taking life-threatening injuries and the pain that goes with them into your own body. But these were wizards and witches who had fought alongside his friends. They had people they loved and who loved them. He pictured the gap that would be left in so many lives were these people to die. He remembered the gaps left in his own and others' lives when people he knew had died. He taught himself the focus needed to heal them. He could heal three, one witch was gone. It haunted him to think that if he had been able to act more quickly, that witch would have survived. He couldn't bear to let that happen again: pain be damned!

He ran on to other sites with purple sparks, healing three more, finding six more dead.

Just then, quite deep in the forest, they heard a howl. It was a howl they had all heard before.

"That sounds like Hagrid - he must have gotten back from the Acromantula colony."

"Oh, no!" said Ginny. "This is the area where Madame Maxime ended up fighting some of the remnants of the dark forces. I saw she got hit with a green spell. I was afraid it was the killing curse, but I didn't know. I had never seen it."

"Sounds like their way," said Ron. "And they would have felt safe firing it over their own people's heads at someone that tall."

They ran around a dense thicket, where the terrain would support underbrush but not large trees. They saw Hagrid sitting on the ground holding Madame Maxime, his legs splayed out and her shoulders against a thigh, his enormous hands cradling her head. Her whole body looked like it had been beaten severely, giving the intensely bright reddish-purple bruises one gets from breaking both arteries and veins. She had to be very near death from internal bleeding and whatever other injuries the spell had caused; but she was still moving a little - some twitching, some shivering. She wasn't dead, not just yet. Harry remembered how two years ago Hagrid had been hit by multiple stunners from highly experienced aurors and was still able to run away. Apparently, that tough half-giant hide of hers had protected her as well. For now; sort of: because it was clear she was near death.

"Hagrid, it's okay, Harry's got a new power - he can heal anything!" Ron enthused.

Hermione gasped. "Ron, I don't think ...!"

Harry put a hand on her arm to stop her. They both saw Hagrid's joyous, expectant look. He reminded Harry of a four-year-old waiting for Christmas. Yet Harry was afraid, deeply afraid. Could he heal the Avada Kedavra? Could he take all the injury that her half-giant body could hold?

Quietly he told Hermione, "Hagrid would do anything for us. I'll do everything I can for him, and Madame Maxime."

"Be careful, Harry. We need you."

Harry sat between Madame Maxime's body and Hagrid's other leg and leaned back against Hagrid's belly.

"Hold me tight, Hagrid, but not too tight," he said, and Hagrid placed his enormous arm across Harry's chest. Harry was getting much better at it, and the vivid green light was soon flooding the area. Harry started to feel like every nerve, every cell, was slowly but surely swelling and exploding. His body screamed in pain like he had never known before. Ginny, Ron and Hermione fell over. Still he continued, and his vision went black.

He found himself walking through a field, a gently rolling meadow, and cutting across the field was a deep, narrow stream, a bit too broad to jump across, even at a run. Crossing the stream was an arched wooden bridge - simple, yet stylish, rather like the Japanese bridges. Lying on the stream bank, near the bridge abutment on the near side, was Madame Maxime's body. Harry knelt to check her, but her body just twitched and shivered, as it had in the forest. Across the bridge, Harry saw a large stag, and a doe, and a huge black dog. He knew that black dog: it was Sirius. He knew at once who the others must be. He laughed and cried for joy at being so close to them.

As he came around the abutment, never taking his eyes off of them, they looked up, and changed into the human form of his parents and Sirius. His parents appeared not much older than him, and Sirius was not the gaunt specter Harry had known in the flesh but a strong, handsome young man. All three could have stepped out of the photographs Hagrid had collected for Harry. Harry felt that this was it - the place he was meant to be, the place that he belonged, where he could at last find peace and happiness. Harry began running around the railing to get to them. He had just placed a foot on the near side of the bridge, when his father held his hands up.

"Stop, Harry!" his father shouted. "There's no turning back once you come over. It's not your time to cross. But we have some things to tell you."

Harry stopped, bewildered. "But ... but, I've always wanted to have you with me, and now you're so near."

"Harry," his mother said affectionately, "you love the idea of having parents. Anyone would. And you want to have that connection with your past, with your humanity even. But you never knew us, you barely knew Sirius really. There are others, still alive, that have been more than willing to love you like a son and a brother."

Harry's mind turned to the Weasleys, and Dumbledore, Hagrid and Professor McGonagall. Even Lupin, Tonks and Moody. They all had looked out for him and shown real care and affection for him. But ...

"But it's not the same as having your own parents."

"No, son," his father said sadly. "It's not. And it's not fair. You know we would have been there with you if we could. But there are millions of people who grow up without their parents: sometimes death takes them, sometimes parents have their own problems that separate them from their children."

"Aye," added Sirius sadly to this, closing his eyes at the thought of his own estrangement from his parents.

Harry's mother explained, "Life is often not fair. But you have choices as to what you make of your life. And if you choose to cross this bridge now to be with us, there will be many, many more children who lose their parents. Do what you can. Let the people who love you do so. And be loving to all - hatred, blame and anger only lead to self destruction."

Harry nodded. Then he asked, "But what can I do? It seems like from the moment I learned I'm a wizard, I've been battling Voldemort. I don't run from him now - we fight each other to a draw. We see into each other's minds and know before the other acts what to do."

Sirius spoke up first: "Think, Harry, darkness is not vanquished by darkness, but by light."

The bridge began to get longer, and the stream was widening. Harry's parents and Sirius were retreating with the opposite bank. His mother called across to him, "Consider the Parable of the Cave."

Sirius shouted, "We'll be here for you when your time comes."

And finally, his father added, "We're so proud of you, Harry."

Harry removed his foot from the bridge and it crumbled away. In the distance Harry saw them wave, just before they changed back into the stag, the doe and the dog, gamboling about the meadow.

Harry felt a weight on one shoulder. He looked and saw an enormous hand, delicate in its own way, with large opal rings on the fingers. It was Madame Maxime; she had waked while Harry talked.

She spoke much more gently than he had previously known her to. "Harree, it ees time we retairned. People you knew?"

Harry nodded. "Sort of. My parents - you know about their deaths, I'm sure - and Sirius Black. He was my godfather. He died two years ago."

Maxime nodded in return, and began steering him back in the direction he had come from. "Yes, Hagreed told me about that. He cried for you; he is such a dear. He loves you very much. Thank you for what you have done for me, healing me. It vos very brave and generous."

Harry blushed a bit, "Oh, well, it's just what I could do."

"But no one else can do it. How long have you been doing zis healing?"

"I just discovered it after the battle, only about half an hour before I started healing you. As I look back, I can see little signs, but it took focusing on the injuries of someone I love to make it come out strong."

Then sounding like the headmistress she was, Maxime explained, "Yas, focus is ze key to powerful mageek - ze Patronus, Transfiguration, ze Summoning Charm, Apparation - all of zem zat are deep. Zat is vot makes ze Unforgiveable curses so unforgiveable - zair are other vays to kill, or hurt, or control people. But ze Unforgiveables involve a total focus on overcoming and destroying a person. Very sad zat anyone should ever feel zat vay. Inhuman."

She shook her head, then continued, "Do you just think of healing, or is zair something else."

"Healing is a part of it." Harry hesitated, and then figured it was either a dream, where it wouldn't matter, or their souls were indeed in touch, and you ought to be able to say anything to someone you meet like that. "I really have to find love for that person deep enough that I desire to take the injury from them and into my own body."

She nodded, and then asked sympathetically, "And do you feel ze injury as well?"

Tears welled in Harry's eyes and he nodded.

She looked sadly at him. "Vith all of zat pain?"

Harry's shoulders shook, and his lips quivered, and he nodded and bowed his head. Maxime bent down and wrapped her arms around him, picking him up and hugging him into her bosom like a mother with a toddler who had skinned his knee - surprisingly gently for such a thorough hug from such an enormous woman.

"Oh you dear, sweet, amazing boy. I knew how valiant you vere ven you saved Fleur's sister. But zis!? How could you do zis - for me!?"

Harry had no answer, and no answer was needed. He cried into her massive shoulder for half a minute and then she put him down, and they continued on their way back.

"Do ze uzzers know ze price you pay, ze pain you feel."

"No, they don't. Hermione suspects it. She knows I take the injury, but I don't know if she understands the pain. She tried to ask but I put her off. She might have feared to ask me to heal others, and it's those with the worst injuries who need me. The others only know that they feel tired while I'm healing - I think I'm drawing strength from them. I think this magic draws healing to me as I need, just as I can give it to others."

Harry paused and then added, "She tried to stop me from healing you, you know. She was concerned about you, but she turned white when she thought I would take all the injury you had into my body."

"I understand. I do not blame her. I vould feel ze same vay for someone I love. She loves you, no?"

"Yes. Yes, she does. Only as a friend, or a brother, but in that way, I know it's as total a love as is possible."

"Have you tried for ze romance?"

"Not with her. I've had a few relationships. I thought I had something this year that was the real thing, but I learned it was just part of the battle plan."

"Oh, really!?"

"Surely you knew - you were in on the plan, weren't you?"

"I knew some things, not all, like how ze dementors vere to be disabled."

"Well, they needed someone to keep me stable so they had Ginny Weasley pose as my girlfriend."

"Still, Harree, maybe she vos villing because she vanted to be zat way with you, or maybe something has grown?"

Harry nodded. "Maybe, but everything seemed quite coldly calculated."

"Were zose messages from your parents and Black about facing Voldemort?"

"Yes, but I'm not quite sure what they mean. Do you know what the Parable of the Cave is?"

"No, I think zat is from ze muggles - your mother vos muggle-born, no? Ve learn too little about muggle culture."

"Yeah, but then I was raised by muggles and I have no clue. We're almost back. I'll need to get on with healing. There are others in grave condition. I'd like you and Hagrid to help me."

"Of course ve vill - how could ve refuse anything?"

"Also, can you keep all of this discussion a total secret, even from Hagrid?"

"Yes, for a vile at least. I think he vill soon ask me to marry, and I think I vill say yes. And ze only secrets a married couple should have," Maxime said with a knowing smile and wink, "are ze special plans zey have for each uzzer in zair intimate times. Little surprises are very important zair."

Harry blushed and laughed. "I'll keep that in mind. Is this just a dream or are we really speaking?"

"If I told you here, it could just be a part of the dream. You vill know if you hear me use the word 'goat' after ve vake up, yes?"

"Why 'goat'?"

"Zair ees not much cause to say it uzzerwise, ees zair?"

And they had arrived back at the glade. Everyone but Hagrid was unconscious;

Hagrid was clutching both of them by the shoulders and bawling.

Maxime shook her head and smiled towards Hagrid. "I love a man who can love so deeply." She hugged Harry again. "And zat goes for you, too, Harree."

Then Maxime returned to her body.

Harry returned to his body and all the pain returned. He thrashed in agony. Even Hagrid, who stopped bawling when he felt movement, could barely hold on to him. Then the pain eased. Harry blinked his eyes - they had been open this whole time and were quite dry - and breathed deeply.

Hagrid asked, "Harry, what happened? I thought I'd lost yeh."

Harry smiled. "It's okay now, Hagrid - look!"

Maxime had opened her eyes and smiled. Hagrid gasped. He lifted Harry to the side and then grabbed Maxime and kissed her all about the face, lifting her up and dancing with her and kissing her more, quite scratching her face up with his steel wool beard.

Maxime laughed and hugged him. "Oh, get off, you old goat."

Harry had been laughing and watching them generally, but on hearing her call Hagrid a goat, his eyes snapped to her face, poking over Hagrid's shoulder as they hugged each other. She winked at Harry and gave a little nod. Then Harry knew that not only had it been Maxime he had talked to, but his parents and Sirius as well. That knowledge made him feel warm in itself, but now it was all the more important that he figure out what they were telling him.