The War of Shades

Chapter 35 Prayer

Harry looked up at Cameron. "I'm afraid I don't know anything about prayer, really."

Cameron smiled. "Yes, you told me that before. Prayer is really just talking to God."

"I'm afraid I don't have much idea who or what God is either," said Harry. "I never really was taught anything. I've picked up vague notions and random ideas, but ..."

"That is too true for many people today. Unfortunately the idea of God has been misused by too many people, from those who invoke the name of God to justify their own hatreds, even murderousness, to those who try to tell you to live the way they want you to because 'God wants it', to those who will use anything to sell toilet paper. I'm even reluctant to describe God as the Creator of the universe, because then you get into a great hassle with people who say the various creation stories of the Old Testament must be literally true, even where they are mutually inconsistent. The odd thing about that is that most of the people who say that the Creation stories cannot be parables because God wouldn't tell untrue stories will also say that Jesus is God in human form and they will acknowledge that he told many parables."

"I'm not following that, Cameron," said Harry.

"The point is they say God can tell instructive allegorical stories in one situation but not in others. There's no rhyme or reason to their insistence that way, but there you have it."

"So what is God?" asked Harry.

"God is everything, Harry. At least that's how I have come to understand him. All the matter and forces that make up the entire universe, all that is seen and unseen, all that exists, all of it is the body of God."

"Just something inanimate!? Then how would you talk to ... It?"

"Well, that's where the atheists and the believers separate, Harry. I believe that unifying it all is a spirit: just as your body has a soul, so does the universe, and that soul is the person - not a human, but a being - that we think of as God. The entire world is occupied with his essence and we can talk to him - or her if you prefer to think of God that way - by speaking deeply from our hearts, whether silently or aloud does not matter, for God knows us from the depth of our being, since we ourselves are part of the universe which comprises God."

"That's a bit overwhelming. So what's he like?"

"God's essence is love."

"There's a lot of the world that does not seem very loving."

"That's true. Much of that is just the appearance, because we don't see the 'big picture' that he does."

"A lot of this corner of the universe can be downright nasty."

"That's true. And I assume you mean not just the bloody struggle for life of the animal world, but the hatefulness of supposedly intelligent beings."

"Yeah. Animals are just trying to survive the way they are equipped. But how can a loving God allow my parents and Sirius and Marietta to be killed, and all the other victims of war, and all the victims of crimes, and all the people who have been hurt. And Mrs. McMillan having her soul sucked out. And," Harry's voice cracked, "Hedwig losing her leg?"

"There are no easy answers to that, Harry. The natural, unchosen events are easier - as natural beings with bodies, we are subject to the flaws of a physical biological system. Then there's the evil which beings choose to do. Basically, intelligent beings are born with free will. We are shaped by our history and experiences, and we are presented with choices and can allow ourselves to be seduced by easy advantage or carelessness or laziness. We often are deluded about things. Consider Sirius. He was brought up with a very narrow vision: to be a prince of the purebloods. He was proud and arrogant and preening. He behaved terribly until his awareness was awakened. Your father was similar. Oh, he started out nice enough - the Potters never bought into that pureblood nonsense. But James was such a talented athlete and there are plenty of people who would do anything and forgive anything for a good athlete. He was seduced by the special privilege of being the star. He strutted around and bullied others as well. He seemed to wake up in his sixth year here as well. Oftentimes we see only a small part of things, and in trying to deal with the part we see, we develop biases and hatreds and misconceptions that cause us to be hateful toward others. Sometimes also people are sick inside and this causes them to behave hatefully."

"I think I sort of understand," said Harry.

Cameron smiled. "Well if you ever understand it completely, come explain it to me. I still am working hard at comprehending God's ideas."

"So how do I pray?"

"Come on," said Cameron, pulling on a mackintosh and hat against the rain which had started up again, and handing Harry a large umbrella. "Let's walk down to Hagrid's and I'll tell you as we go."

They headed out the door and Cameron continued, "As I said before, prayer is simply talking to God. Because he is everywhere and everything, we can speak silently or aloud. Some religions recommend or even demand particular physical positions for prayer. For instance, Muslims get on their knees and bow with their heads down to the floor facing towards Mecca - that's a small city in Arabia. Many Christian denominations, particularly Roman Catholics, do much of their praying while kneeling, usually with their knees on a cushion called a kneeler and resting their arms against a prayer rail, or the back of a pew, or something like that. Jews usually wear prayer shawls. Eastern religions, such as Buddhism and Hinduism have elaborate exercises for getting focused for meditation and prayer. These physical positions are intended to help the person focus his attention on the conversation with God."

"Many groups also have specific words that people are expected to say at certain times, or a regular litany that they might say in connection with their prayers. For instance most Christians will end a prayer with 'In Christ's Name we pray, Amen' or something of similar meaning, because Jesus is said to have told His followers that whatever they asked in His Name would be done. Sometimes a regular text is used for group prayer. The most common version is what is called the Lord's Prayer., which the gospels say Jesus taught his disciples We Presbyterians say it this way: 'Our Father Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, amen.' That last line is not really part of the prayer that Jesus gave, but it was added long ago to the usual recitation."

"Hm. It's simple and short, but covers everything, doesn't it? I sort of remember it being said at the service I went to with Ernie McMillan, but I couldn't understand the words as everyone recited. What kind of 'debts' is that referring to?"

"Ahh, spiritual or moral debts - ways in which we have harmed people. Roman Catholics and a few others say 'trespasses' and 'those who have trespassed against us' to avoid any such misunderstanding. I've never been convinced it makes the matter any clearer. Now there's another type of prayer, and I happen to think it's the most special. It's where you pour out your heart's longing and pain and hopes to God, to share whatever it is that is deepest inside you. Because God's essence is love, he wants to see you happy and wants to help you become happy."

"So - what, does he just give stuff, like Father Christmas?"

"Oh, no, Harry, I think you know children who got everything they wanted as they grew up - they didn't become happy, did they?"

Harry thought of Dudley and his piles of presents every birthday and Christmas, how Dudley would whine and cry when the wrappings had all been torn off, and yet would end up breaking almost everything unless it got forgotten in a closet.

"No, Cameron, quite the opposite. Until things stopped meaning so much, kids like that were miserable."

"Exactly! God wants us to be happy, but spoiled people are not happy. So often he says no, but that's okay. He knows what we need. Many times he helps us, most often by helping us find a way and the strength to take care of things ourselves. After all, they say 'God helps those who help themselves.' And we value things better when we have achieved them through our own efforts. Prayer can help us realize how we can use our God-given talents to achieve what we want."

"Can he show me how to protect my friends from Voldemort?"

"Yes, Harry, it could happen. We don't control God, but I cannot help but think that your survival against so many dangers over the years has had a bit of divine help. The problem is that you may not understand it when the answer is given to you. Many times people have answers right in front of them and they pass them by."

"Can he help Hedwig?" asked Harry as they reached Hagrid's door.

"That's what we're here to see. We're not just here to check on Hedwig. I'd like for you to talk to God about her. You can do it silently if you don't want the rest of us to hear."

Cameron knocked on the door, and Hagrid answered it, looking grave.

"Come in, Reverend, Harry," said Hagrid. "Harry, I'm afraid it's not looking too good. She lost a lot of blood, and it seems to have done its damage before we could get restorer into her."

Harry dropped the umbrella and ran to the basket Hagrid had Hedwig in. Dumbledore was seated next to it, looking sadly at her. She was lying inert in the basket. Harry dropped to his knees beside the basket and leaned over it. His tears streamed down his face and he cared not a whit if these men saw him crying like that.

Reverend MacBoon let him be a few minutes and then placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Try prayer, Harry. Even if you're not sure what to say, talk to God about it and he'll understand."

Harry wasn't sure what to say really, so he just stared at Hedwig and put his thoughts into words silently. He wanted help for her. He thought about how much he loved Hedwig and what a wonderful friend and helper she had been. He thought about how wrong it was that she should be hurt because people were trying to get to him. He thought how much he would rather bear the injury than let her suffer. As he stared he saw a green pallor around her and thought that must be her dying. It seemed odd to him that even her feathers and the straw around her would be tinged. He got a severe headache and felt sick to his stomach from the grief he felt. It just wasn't right; she was just his friend; he should be the one attacked, not her! He raged inside.

After several minutes Hedwig shifted her head and hooted quietly, more of a coo actually. Hagrid jumped. He checked her neck for a pulse.

"She's gotten stronger," he said in quiet excitement and gave her another dropperful of blood restorer. "Her eyes are clearer, too."

Harry looked up at Hagrid with water-rimmed eyes. "Then there's hope?"

"Well, she's looking better."

"Can I stay here beside her?"

Hagrid looked at Dumbledore and Cameron.

"Who would have the heart to say no?" said Cameron.

"Hagrid, if you don't mind, I think some tea is in order," said Dumbledore, picking up a large kettle and tapping it with his wand, making steam erupt.

"O' course, Professor," said Hagrid, getting down four mugs, one his own bucket-sized mug, as well as his oversized teapot and tin of tea.

Cameron and Dumbledore talked quietly between themselves as the tea steeped in the pot. Once the tea was poured, Hagrid took a mug to Harry and sat next to him. Dumbledore stood just behind Harry and smiled behind the veil of steam rising from his mug. Cameron sat at the table and watched the ancient old man, the half-giant and the young man in robes bent over the basket on the side table with the faint green glow around it like it was some odd Nativity pageant.

Harry stayed in Hagrid's cabin by Hedwig's side through the night. Dumbledore had stayed for some time after the crisis had seemed to pass and then left. Cameron fell asleep at the table, but woke up at 2 a.m., squeezed Harry's shoulder and went back to the rectory. Hagrid had already laid down to rest but made Harry promise to rouse him - even if it meant a bucket of cold water - if Hedwig showed any signs of distress. Only Harry stayed up through the night, watching for signs good or bad, and continuing to try to pray, however uncertain he was as to what was right to say. Occasionally Hedwig stirred, but then she would fluff her feathers and stretch her talons and go back to sleep. She seemed comfortable, but Harry knew she must still be very weak to sleep without trying to perch.

Harry's first class on Friday was Care of Magical Creatures. His friends brought out toast and sausages, not being too sure how edible Hagrid's breakfast fare might be. There was, of course, no doubt what the morning's lessons would be - care of messenger owls. Ron and Neville scouted about the cabin, stunning voles and shrews in hopes Hedwig would be up to a meal.

When they came in, Neville said to Hagrid, "You may have another patient, Hagrid; one of your cockerels is acting right sluggish."

"Put them creatures in the cage there and show me which one," Hagrid said excitedly.

Neville handed the vermin in his hands to Ron and headed out with Hagrid. When Hagrid saw the rooster, he whooped.

"Just laid an egg, he did. I've never gotten to one this fresh!"

Hagrid scooped up the egg from the discomfited cockerel and brought it into the cabin. As he pulled down the nesting box and placed the egg in the bed of straw, he explained.

"That's how a rooster'll act when it lays an egg. All bent out of shape."

Ron asked, "You mean embarrassed, 'cause it's a hen thing to do?"

"Naw, they don't know embarrassment. That's a person's thing, although I've known a few intelligent creatures that seemed to have a bit of a sense of it. No, I mean literally bent out of shape. Birds only have one opening down there and they don't normally push anything the size of an egg through it. A hen's used to it - she starts laying eggs at a few months old and does it at least once most days fer the rest of her life. The rooster's droppings are about the width of a quill, so when he has to push out something the width of your - uh, well, you know the size of a chicken egg - he literally gets bent out of shape. Makes him real sullen."

"So getting to the egg immediately is important?" asked Hermione.

"I b'lieve so, Hermione, although hatching basilisks is not something in the books. The other eggs I had happened on later - nothing came of 'em." As he said this, he looked around, found Trevor the toad, and placed it on the warmed nesting box. Trevor croaked at Neville and then Hagrid and settled into place.

"Better get him a few grasshoppers, Neville. That'll make him more content," said Hagrid. "We need him to stay put if we're going to hatch a basilisk."

Harry waited impatiently as Neville collected some grasshoppers and other larger insects. Then as Trevor was being given one, he interrupted.

"Hagrid, I know that's important, but if it's taken care of, can we see to Hedwig now?"

"O'course, Harry, she's the lesson for the day after all."

Hagrid proceeded to examine her and show them all how to look for the health signs of messenger owls - pulse points, wing strength, talons, neck mobility, eye responsiveness. They worked together on trimming the feathers which had been damaged.

Halfway through the class, Hedwig began to flap her wings and try to sit up. Hagrid had brought in a log from his woodpile that had a branch sticking out from it and set it upright to mimic a forest perch. He gently lifted her up and tried placing her on the branch. She grasped the branch with her talons. She began to crush the 2-inch-thick branch with her magical talon until she adjusted her grip to compensate. She was wobbly and leaned against the log's bark.

"Is she okay?" asked Harry. "Should she be doing that?"

"It's fine. She's still very weak. She's just stabilizing herself. I've seen young-uns do that against tree trunks or their parents when they're learning to fly and to perch on their own. Let's try feeding her some of the creatures ya got there. Nothing shows health like an appetite."

They had to tear the rodents apart for Hedwig, since she lost her balance when she tried to do it for herself. They were like little children taking turns to offer her bloody chunks of meat. She only ate a few before she stretched her neck all the way around in each direction before resting her head on her shoulders and dropping off to sleep.

"You've got one lucky bird there, Harry," said Hagrid, "she had the one owner who could restore her leg and stop the blood loss."

"And she had the services of the man who loves creatures more than any other," said Harry admiringly.

"But Hagrid, isn't an owl rather mild a creature for you - I thought your strength was 'interestin' creatures'?" asked Ron.

"You think I like only dangerous things? It's all a matter of scale. To one of them rodents, that owl is as scary as an enraged hippogriff is to you. Sure I like a bit of zest to creatures, but a good raptor's plenty interestin', believe you me. They're equipped for the hunt and make no mistake about it."

Hagrid insisted that Harry return to the castle for lunch and his afternoon double Transfiguration class. When he came into the class, Professor McGonagall cocked one eyebrow and asked, "Potter, what are you doing here!?

Harry looked around dully.

"Am I in the wrong class? Isn't this seventh year Transfiguration?"

"Yes, of course it is," she said sharply, "but what do you think I'm supposed to teach you anyway? I keep looking for challenges, but after last night's display, I certainly don't know what I can assign you. Besides, you look exhausted: when did you last sleep?"

"Erm," said Harry, as he fought to keep his eyes open and uncrossed, "it was , erm, .."

Hermione spoke up for him. "Not since he woke up yesterday morning for the 4:30 run."

"That's it! Potter, your assignment for this class is to get to your dorm and sleep. And no fiddling around, got that?"

"Yes, Professor, if you're sure," he mumbled.

"Oh, I'm certain all right. Miss Granger, he's going to need help. The first half hour will all be review for you. Help him up there, if you will."

"Yes, Maam," she replied, "Come along, Harry. I'll take you to bed."

All the students within earshot, started saying "Ooooh" at that choice of words.

Hermione stamped her foot and said, "Oh, you know what I meant!"

"Sure, Hermione," laughed Dean, "But it's funnier our way."