The War of Shades

Chapter 23 At the Ministry of Magic

Harry's treatment at the Ministry was nothing like it had been on other visits. He was greeted with smiles and waves all around. At least this was mostly so: Percy Weasley had arrived very early and Harry tried to call to him. He was going to use legilemency to try to figure out why Percy acted the way he did, but Percy averted his eyes and headed into the stairwell.

Of course when Harry first arrived, a little after dawn, there were only a few people there. It was painful for him to visit the lobby where he had seen Dumbledore fight Voldemort and where Voldemort possessed him. At least now he was holding his own against Voldemort, but he knew he had to be on constant guard. The fountain was apparently being rebuilt, but there was a curtain around it. Harry started to head over to take a peek at how it had been rebuilt, but Tonks caught his arm.

"Don't chance it, Harry, Arthur got the twins to put a protective spell on it. Only certain people can open it safely. Goodness knows what those two dreamed up."

"Under other circumstances, I'd try it just to find out, just like they did for the Goblet of Fire. But I'm not in the mood for such play right now."

"Understandable. How about some breakfast at the cafeteria first?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess I am pretty hungry. It's sort of been a busy morning and it's ..." he checked his watch, "not even 7 o'clock yet!"

"Yeah," giggled Tonks, "when some guys say they want some early morning action, they're talking about something entirely different - you go wipe out a gang of dark wizards."

Harry sighed. "I don't suppose they serve butterbeer at this hour, do they?"

"For breakfast!? Sorry, buddy, if you start having a butterbeer every time you get into a scrape, there'd be none for the rest of us. You'll have to settle for pomegranate juice."

"I know. You're right. I guess I was looking for some easy comfort," said Harry.

"Well, I know something healthier," said Tonks, giving him a big, long hug, which he returned.

"Woo-hoo!" they soon heard. They recognized the voice as Dawkins. He and the other aurors were returning from Liverpool to put the captured wizards in temporary holding cells and fill out reports. Tonks and Harry quickly separated.

"Can it, Dawkins," said Tonks.

"Good job out there, Potter," he said. "You aren't just talk."

"Thanks," said Harry.

"Only wish you could have given 'em all the ..." and he made the slitting gesture across the throat. "It'd make our job easier if they were like Sonja."

"Uh-uh. One is enough, if she hadn't had a muggle weapon I wouldn't have even killed her - I don't think."

"Quiet, Harry," said Tonks, "Save it for the reports. You start speculating and these guys will have to create a mess of a report that'll take you a year to sort out. You let me take you through the process. You talk when I say you can talk, okay?"

"She's right, Potter," said Dawkins, "we're all on your side here, but we've got to play it straight. Save the self-doubt for a padre."

"Dawkins, did you say that was Sonja? Soderberg!?" asked Tonks.

"Right, Tonks. One and the same. The Swedes will be glad to scratch her off their list."

"I'll say, nasty piece of work, she was," said Tonks. "Harry, she wasn't a terribly talented witch, but she was as vicious, ruthless and cunning an assassin as Bellatrix LeStrange. She's been responsible for at least two dozen murders that we know about. There'll be toasts raised to Harry Potter in Stockholm tonight."

After breakfast, Tonks took Harry to her desk to fill out the necessary paperwork. To Harry's surprise her cubicle was as neat as a pin.

"Blast," said Tonks, "someone's been messing with my desk during training. It'll take me forever to find things."

"That's a relief," said Harry.

"What, that this will take half again as long?"

"No, Tonks, that you didn't keep a desk so out of character for you," he said with a smile.

"That's my guy," she said, grinning and ruffling his hair. "It'll be rough getting over this, but you just keep your feet on the ground. You want to make jokes about me - you go ahead. I'm big enough to take it. We can't afford to have you out of commission."

The paperwork wasn't too bad: lots of blanks to fill out, but Tonks had a special quill which did that, and unlike Reta Skeeter's quill, it wrote what was said and even made corrections when asked. Tonks shepherded him through a description of the fight that left the least questions to be asked. A little after 10 o'clock, Tonks got a note saying that Arthur Weasley would like to see them, and that she should bring all the paperwork.

"Well, you wanted to see Arthur," said Tonks. "Let's go."

They took the elevator to the proper floor. When Harry got out he remembered very vividly his encounter with Lucius Malfoy two years earlier after his trial, when he found Malfoy plying then-minister Fudge with galleons. He smiled inwardly at how things had changed. Even though Lucius Malfoy had been broken out of his cell in a raid during the Battle of Hogwarts, he was discredited and had to stay hidden. Fudge was no longer Minister, and indeed no longer alive, killed by Dobby when Fudge tried to kill Harry. Harry thought it odd that he hadn't been much distressed over Dobby killing Fudge when Fudge tried to kill him, and he certainly thought no less of Dobby for it, and yet he felt very distressed at doing essentially the same thing to a witch who had also been trying to kill him.

They went to the door which had once led to Fudge's office and knocked. The acting Minister of Magic himself opened the door and warmly received them.

"Tonks, Harry! It's good to see you both! It's a shame it had to be like this," said Arthur. He shook Harry's hand, but Harry found himself at first unable to speak, as he stared at the mirrored wrap-around sunglasses Arthur was wearing. Finally he caught himself.

"Any word on Ron?"

"Oh, yes, Harry," said Arthur, "he'll be fine - back at training by the end of the day tomorrow. Molly and Hermione are with him now and all his brothers have visited him." Then Arthur took on a darker aspect and added, "Well, almost all."

"Percy?"

Arthur nodded.

Harry also nodded. "He averted his eyes and rushed right past me this morning."

"He gets here very early and stays in areas of the Department of Mysteries where I can't go."

"You're the acting Minister - why wouldn't you be able to go everywhere?"

"That's just the problem. I'm a target, particularly for legilemens, so the details of the biggest secrets have to be kept from me. That's why I'm wearing these sunglasses that threw you off so much - they've blocked other legilemens we've tried them out on. Give 'em a go - from what I hear you're the strongest legilemens I'll live to meet but Dumbledore."

"You sure you want me to?" asked Harry.

"It's best we test them."

Harry focused and tried to read any sign of Arthur's thoughts. "Nothing - without a good view of the eyes, the only mind I can read is Voldemort's - oh, and sometimes I can understand a little of my own."

Arthur and Tonks laughed.

Arthur gestured to invite Harry to sit in a chair near the desk. "That's about all the understanding of our own selves I think any of us have. You know, if it had been up to me, I would've sacked Percy entirely. But Dumbledore said we should keep an eye on him. I offered to put him in house-elf placement or exploding toilets, but Dumbledore wanted him in the Department of Mysteries. It doesn't make sense to me, but Dumbledore only interferes on things he thinks are important, and he always keeps his cards close to the robe. Speaking of Dumbledore, he wants to speak with you and me. Tonks, could you wait outside for a few minutes. You probably have time to get a cup of coffee or tea, if you'd like."

"Sure, shall I bring some for you two, also?"

"Coffee for me," said Arthur.

"I'll have some tea, if you wouldn't mind," said Harry.

"Like you had it at Arabella's? Right, then."

When she had left, Arthur sealed the door with his wand and asked Harry to call Dumbledore on the mirror.

"Hello, Harry," said Dumbledore, "I have the general idea of what happened. Let's get right to the details. First, I want to hear exactly what you remember, particularly your thoughts at each stage."

Harry described from Hedwig's approach until he had retrieved Hermione from the closet.

"Harry, there were a number of ways that you could have disabled Miss Soderberg without killing her. Why did you choose the severing hex?"

"Well, I couldn't use Expelliarmus on a muggle weapon - I tried that in Gringotts' basement with the stiletto."

"But Harry, you deflected the bullet with your left hand wand. You still could have disabled her. Think hard. I know it was a split-second decision."

"Alright, then. I saw her look upstairs and I noticed the wand and thought it was strange that Hermione would be kidnapped and still have her wand. I started for the stairs as she looked back at me and gestured that way with her head. And I saw into her mind that she wasn't Hermione and that she intended to shoot me, and then I remember two thoughts: first the revulsion at someone like that assuming Hermione's form and the thought that she wasn't the right person to kill me."

Dumbledore cocked his head. "The thought was that she was 'not the right person' to kill you, rather than you weren't going to let her kill you."

"Yes, sir."

"Was that YOUR thought?"

Harry looked deep into his mind, and then responded, "No, it was Voldemort's. And it was his selection of the severing hex. He wanted her dead but he did not want me to use an Unforgiveable Curse, in case the Ministry might enforce that law even against me. I remember now that he had avoided coming there to stop things out of concern that in the ensuing melee, someone else might kill me. He is certain that only he should be the one to kill me."

"Harry," said Dumbledore quietly, "does Voldemort know the Prophecy?"

Harry hesitated a second and then admitted "Yes, sir; he knows everything I know, and I know what he knows."

"Then it is time to share the content of the Prophecy with the members of the Order who don't yet know it. We'll hold a meeting. We'll have to assess how this affects our strategies. You understand you'll be unable to attend?"

Harry nodded and then added, "But the Prophecy's not the only reason he believes he has to be the one who kills me. Or maybe this reason is the fulfillment of the Prophecy. His understanding of the failed killing curse is that it is merely incomplete, and that until one of us completes it by killing the other, we are symbiotic with each other through our magical powers."

Arthur frowned, "I'm afraid I didn't quite follow that."

Dumbledore explained, "It means that when Voldemort tried to kill Harry, their spirits, through their magical abilities, became fused. They are distinct, but joined. That's how the killing curse works - normally the attacking wizard's spirit joins with and extracts the spirit of the victim, similar to a dementor's kiss, but extracting life as well. But Harry hung on to life and spirit. Because Harry didn't die, they have since been sharing from the same reservoir of magical power - the strongest in the world today. During the first war, Voldemort was powerful, and Harry was born a powerful wizard, but now their powers are combined. I can only thwart Voldemort because his power is shared with Harry. If he had free use of all of that power, even I would fail before him. When he had no body, or just a brand new one, he was too weak to use all the power. Harry was, of course, too inexperienced and weak as a youngster to draw on that power fully, although at times of strong emotion, it would erupt uncontrolledly. Now both are stronger and the power is shared, but not separate."

"So what happens now?" asked Arthur.

"What happens now is what has been happening since - when, Harry? since we were in Egypt?" Harry nodded. "Within their joined spirit, Harry must wrestle with Voldemort for control of that power. When he adheres to his loving nature, Harry can contend with Voldemort - the love is too painful for Voldemort. But when Harry is weakened by hatred or anger, Voldemort can seize greater control, at least temporarily. At the farmhouse, Harry was angered by the misuse of Miss Granger's form, and Voldemort was able to seize control and use him to eliminate a threat to his plan to take control of all of the power by killing Harry himself. But when Harry saw that Ronald was hurt, he was overwhelmed with his feelings of love for Ronald and the balance was restored. That is about right, isn't it, Harry?"

Harry breathed deeply and let it out shakily. His voice quavering, he said "Yes, Professor."

"Arthur, you thought the aurors had been fighting the main battle. That is a light summer sprinkle compared to the storm that is raging within Harry for control of that power. And to the victor belong the spoils."

"Harry?" said Arthur, looking at him for confirmation. Harry nodded and pressed his lips together.

"Why haven't you told people about this, Harry? We would have done everything we could have to have helped."

"That's just it, Arthur," said Dumbledore. "That would have been the worst thing for him. He needs friendship and camaraderie - shared burdens and purpose and cause. He needs to feel that he's a part of a team. If everyone knew, they would treat him like an invalid or some sort of volatile weapon. He needs love, not emotional isolation."

"So I'm to keep it a secret, then, Albus?"

"Yes, Arthur. Even from Molly. Particularly from Molly."

"That's a tall order. I share everything with her, and you know how she feels about Harry."

"Of course, Arthur. But imagine how she would coddle Harry if she knew. He must be in the thick of things. With people. Sharing love with them. He needs connection, not protection, and Molly would do the opposite. Just think of all the others she loves and ask yourself whether you can help her protect all of them and Harry by keeping this from her."

"Well, of course, I will. But when this is all over, I want you right there when this is explained to her."

"I only hope that we have the chance."

"And Albus?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"I want you standing between Molly and me when I tell her I have lied to her."

Dumbledore smiled. "You'd expose an old man to that tigress's wrath? Don't worry, Arthur, we'll find a way to soften the message. Now, Harry, what's the plan?"

"Pardon, sir?"

"Voldemort must have a plan for getting to you, or were you going to keep it from me?"

Harry looked down. "He's trying to erode my spirit by chipping away through atrocities, like all these raids. He nearly had me when he got to Iphigenia McMillan. She seemed like an angel to me, grace personified. I was so distraught, but then I saw how Ernie and Porphyrio were hurt and I was filled with compassion that was even greater than my anger. And of course, when Hermione was kidnapped, I was weakened, but I don't think that it was to the point I would have lost control if he hadn't been so enraged that some of his followers had taken it upon themselves to try to kill me. He hasn't explained to them about his need to be the one that kills me. He is even now seething about it and seeking out all his followers to determine the ones who had a hand in this attempt on me. The ones we captured are by far the luckiest of those involved."

"I should well imagine, Harry. Now you know what you must do, don't you?"

Harry recited, "To achieve peace, practice forgiveness and goodwill."

"And how do you feel about those involved in the plot today."

Harry said sincerely, "I have forgiven them, and I feel compassion for them. They feel terribly desperate, because they cannot escape their bonds to Voldemort, and he keeps pressing them harder in his plots against me, so they looked for a way to eliminate the focus of his obsession. And I also feel pity for them if they ever have to face Voldemort. Professor, does this mean I am not guilty of the killing?"

"Perhaps not in the Ministry's reckoning. But did you know what you had to do to keep control over yourself?"

"Yes, sir, I had to truly practice agape' and in my shock at Hermione's kidnapping, I lapsed."

"It's understandable."

"But not forgivable."

"Oh, don't say that, Harry, all things are forgivable. You bear some responsibility for letting Voldemort gain control, but you can forgive yourself."

"Sometimes I wonder how - there is always so much death and destruction that swirls around me."

"Accept only that which is yours, Harry, and deal with it. Let go of the rest."

"Harry, is there anything more planned?" asked Arthur.

"If he can't wear me down through the war, he'll wait until I am no longer at Hogwarts, and then when I am no longer surrounded by all my well-trained and powerful friends, he will confront me and attempt to kill me" Harry winced, "He insists he WILL kill me. The fact is that unless I live every moment of my life hidden away amongst the best fighters I can train, I will at some point have to face him. As much as I love all those I work with, I would be so miserable feeling so confined. At that point, I would only be hanging on for their sake. And when I stopped caring about life, I believe he could simply possess me and have done with me. I must keep the joy of life, or I will have no life at all. And when I am gone, he will pick off all of you, as quickly as he can."

"Well, we just won't let that happen, Harry," said Arthur, "there must be a way."

"There is one sure solution I know of," said Harry, suddenly holding his scar, which had begun to burn like it was being branded. Harry stood and began pacing at the far side of the room.

Dumbledore spoke quickly. "Harry, you needn't take that path."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and paced more frantically, like a large tiger in a small cage. "I have to say it now, while I am strong enough. Mr. Weasley, Voldemort is sending out orders to all of his followers that I am not to be killed, that he will subject anyone who has a hand in my killing to the most terrible and exquisite torture ever devised. But he is lying. He wouldn't be able to do a thing to them. He knows if I were killed by someone other than him, all of our shared magical power would be lost, and he would be left as an old, powerless squib. He tried to tempt Professor Dumbledore to take that path a year and a half ago in the lobby, but I didn't understand it then. Now I do."

"I don't think I like what you're getting at, Harry."

"You have to keep things in perspective."

"If I understand what you're suggesting, it is too horrible to contemplate."

"But you must. You should kill me, Mr. Weasley."

"Harry, how can you say that?"

"Do you remember last year when I received Sirius's portrait, and he said that the trade-off of his life against ten enemy fighters was a good trade? I was very bitter about that. But now I understand. Without Voldemort, the other side can be defeated. That is the key to victory. We can trade one of our soldiers for their best - the only one that makes them truly formidable, rather than merely cunning and ruthless. It's an excellent trade."

Mr. Weasley stared at him aghast. "I can't believe I'm hearing this."

Dumbledore spoke up. "Think, Arthur, of all the people you are responsible to, of all the people you love who are at risk. By eliminating Harry, you eliminate Voldemort and all his threat. The remaining threat would just be his followers."

"And the people I have trained are more than a match for them," added Harry.

"Albus, you sound as though you want me to do it."

"On the contrary, I can't tell you how much I wish there was another dependable way. I hadn't the nerve for it myself when it was presented to me. There may be another way, but it would be very risky. This is a certainty."

"Harry, do you want to die?" asked Arthur.

"No. But I am willing to. I saw today how close I came to losing control. If that were to go on longer than it did, all might be lost. I want you and all those I love to win. It is a soldier's choice - to accept death to save his comrades. I want to save my comrades."

"It is your decision, Arthur," said Dumbledore. "You are the Minister of Magic: you act for all."

"I am only the acting Minister."

"Then act, now and decisively," said Harry.

"But if I understand this 'shared power' you have with him, Harry, I don't have enough power at my disposal to overpower you, even were I to make such a choice."

"I can control it right now. Just as I can hold back legilemency, I can restrain self-defense. I do not have enough strength against him to allow me to kill myself, but I can give you the opportunity. To eliminate him this way, you must act soon. I don't know how long I can hold him at bay like this. You can imagine how he is raging against it," said Harry. He took a letter-opener from Arthur's desk and pressed it into Arthur's hand.

"Here, if you can't do it with a wand, do it the muggle way. For those we both love dearly."

Then Harry closed his eyes and folded his hands behind his back, exposing both his chest and his throat, whichever Arthur might decide to pierce.

"Albus?" said Arthur weakly.

"It is your decision," said Dumbledore, "this would eliminate Voldemort right now. If not this, then you are gambling that Harry can win the war within him."

Then Harry spoke quietly. "You can call it a suicide - Professor Dumbledore will back you up - but tell everyone why I accepted death. Tell them how much I love them; how much I love you all."

Arthur looked at the letter-opener and then at Harry standing there before him, calmly, perhaps even serenely, prepared to accept his own death to eliminate the threat to all, sweat beading on his forehead from the exertion of restraining the demands of the forces within him.

The seconds ticked by.

The seconds mounted into minutes. Harry's whole body began to sweat and shake.

Then Harry screamed, "CURSE YOU, WEASLEY, YOU SPINELESS WORM, ARE YOU SO WHIPPED YOU CAN'T EVEN ACT TO WIN THE WAR? BE A MAN AND GET IT OVER WITH. HOW LONG DO YOU THINK I CAN HOLD LIKE THIS!!? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL WE HOLD DEAR, GET IT OVER WITH!!"

Arthur got red in the face, squeezed his fist tightly around the handle, and threw the letter-opener against the wall and clutched Harry in his arms and cried openly.

"Harry, I could never do such a thing to you. Just please do whatever it takes to win this struggle."

Harry hugged him back.

"This may be a foolish gamble, but I promise you I'll do all I can."

"I just hope that I've chosen with wisdom, not out of weakness."

Dumbledore beamed. "Perhaps neither wisdom, nor weakness, but love. I believe it was the right decision, Arthur, though certainly it cannot have been an easy one. I would not have blamed you for taking the other path. However, I believe Harry has been strengthened both by the act of love in offering himself and in receiving your love in sparing him. The Order will meet tonight at headquarters."

There was a knock at the door.

"Minister," Tonks was calling through the one-way soundproof door.

"Does that cover it, Albus?"

"Isn't that enough for now, Arthur? Could you bear any more?"

"I doubt it: I just want to scream - or collapse - as it is."

"A scream won't help, but as you have given him your own hug, could you give him one for me?"

"Of course," said Arthur, as Dumbledore faded away. He hugged Harry and said "Harry, I hope you know that if there is anything Molly or I can do for you, it's yours."

"Yes, Mr. Weasley, just keep being the most wonderful and loving parents I have ever hoped to know. You truly inspire me. And I hope you'll forgive me for what I said a few minutes ago"

"Of course, Harry, you had to prod me to act. It must have been terrible grappling with him like that," Arthur replied. Then he tapped his throat with his wand and said "Intercom - hall. One minute, Tonks, we'll be right with you. Intercom off."