The War of Shades

Chapter 14 Getting Started

It felt right running with a group again. Even the students who had knocked off running at the end of the school year had only missed a little over a month. The aurors had kept in shape anyway and most of the auxiliaries had been working on fitness since they volunteered as well. So although they started when they were ready and stretched out in quite a long thread, with knots of friends running together here or there, there was a fair bit of cohesion and camaraderie, as well as good-natured competitiveness, for the first run on the opening day of training.

After showers, breakfast was served in the great dining hall of the manor. The long formal table had been moved to the side for use as a serving bar as everyone filed by and filled plates. In the rest of the dining hall, round tables seating 10-12 had been set up. Harry noted that Gilly and Gumbo, the 2 Longbottom house elves, were not doing all the work themselves, but had the assistance of three other elves that he saw. He could not remember if he had seen the additional elves at Hogwarts or not, and thought that perhaps some of those wizards or witches here had house elves who would have nothing to do without their people to care for and so brought them along to help out. From Harry's experience with house elves, they would be far happier serving people here than tending an unoccupied house. In any case, Harry was glad that Gilly and Gumbo would not bear the load entirely themselves.

At breakfast, Mrs. Longbottom, who was in charge of the camp, had Harry sit next to her along with Lupin and Mad-Eye Moody, who had also been asked to come out of retirement to assist in the training. Not only was he amply qualified, but that way as many active aurors as possible were kept on the job. The training camp had been hastily assembled and procedures had yet to be established.

Mrs. Longbottom was to teach dueling skills. Moody was to teach tactics, stealth, and street-smarts: paranoia may have been a problem as a retiree, but it is a virtue for those seeking to apprehend assassins who can blend in with the population. Lupin's job was teaching the Patronus as well as being the dispatch liaison between Harry and the aurors - he and those he reported to had developed a good shorthand system for reporting attacks, so even though Harry was right there, Lupin was better prepared to handle the reports. Harry was to work on the Patronus as needed, then help on dueling if there was any time available.

They discussed whether to train the adults and students as separate teams or to have the teams mixed. Moody was concerned that the students would slow the adults, while Harry was concerned the adults would slow the students. Mrs. Longbottom wanted to have them mixed so that each could learn from the strengths and the weaknesses of the other, as each had been trained by very different wizards. Lupin commented how capable he had found the Weasleys who had been training with Harry and suggested that mixing the groups would help the adults' dueling skills. Harry agreed with mixing the groups and Moody went along, with the reservation that he be able to revisit the issue if problems developed.

They also required flexible team arrangements because not all of the trainees needed patronus work, but for those that did, it had become the most critical skill. Harry insisted that even for those that had shown a fully corporeal patronus, if they had not used them against a dementor or the lethiform, they be tested in the lethiform pit. Moody and Mrs. Longbottom agreed that there was no substitute for testing yourself against a deadly threat and Mrs. Longbottom went further in insisting that everyone there test against the lethiform to make sure no one was rusty.

After they had settled most of the organizational issues, Harry had a chance to look around at the people in the room. He was surprised that he could not find Cho Chang at any of the tables.

"Mrs. Longbottom, I'm certain I saw Cho Chang here yesterday when I arrived, but now she doesn't seem to be here."

"Ah, yes, she was just here to claim a bed and make arrangements for this week. She has a cousin who's getting married this weekend, so she'll only be here during the days for the training sessions this week and be with her family in the evenings and weekend."

"But she will be here full-time next week?"

"That's what she told me, so long as nothing changes."

Moody got an odd creaky smirk. "Sounds like someone's taken a fancy to her."

"What!" Harry said sharply, "No, Professor, really. We liked each other that way a couple of years ago, but that's long over. I have something personal I need to talk over with her."

Moody smirked and nodded his head.

Remus laughed. "I'm still young enough to remember how uncomfortable it is for a young person to be taken for having an attraction to someone he doesn't. I'll vouch for his story, Alastair; he just wants a non-romantic talk. His interest in girls has shifted elsewhere."

"Yeah, he probably thinks so, but when a teenage boy and a teenage girl have a private personal talk, they often find attraction budding as well. We'll see."

Harry wondered to himself how someone he generally liked as much as he did Moody could also make him anxious as easily as Moody did.

Near the end of breakfast, Cameron MacBoon arrived by Floo network. Harry saw that surprisingly few knew Reverend MacBoon, though virtually all were past or current Hogwarts students. Mrs. Longbottom addressed the trainees after breakfast and explained the procedures. Lists were made of those who only needed to test their patronus and those who needed to work on the corporeal patronus before facing testing. From those lists 9 training teams of 11-12 members each were designated.

Before they broke up into separate groups, Harry and Remus were each asked to demonstrate their patronuses, both to show how they were done and to reassure the trainees that both knew what they were doing and could stop the lethiform if needed. Harry realized he had never seen Remus's patronus before, and rather expected that it would be a wolf. But the wolf was Lupin's curse, not his protector. Instead, the silvery mist formed into a magnificent golden eagle, with the contours of the feathers clearly visible.

"Awesome, Remus," whispered Harry as Lupin sat back down, "That may be the best patronus I've seen anyone produce."

Remus winked. "Are you sure you don't mean 'anyone else'?"

"Well, I wouldn't just come right out and say that."

On that first day, Harry and Remus began with testing those who said they already could make a proper patronus. If they tested out, then they could be free to focus on the other skills. They were once interrupted by Harry's scar warnings, so Remus returned the lethiform to its box while Harry jotted down the information. Then while Remus used the Floo network to dispatch squads, Harry helped those whose patronuses were still indistinct. Since the aurors and auxiliaries were only accepted if they could at least make a hazy patronus, Harry was able to work intensively with them to sharpen their patronus. While a few seemed to progress slowly, most were thrilled with the rapid improvement in the definition of their patronus. Only Tonks seemed to be a real hold-out.

During the break before dinner Harry changed quickly so he could speak to Cameron. "I was glad to hear you were going to be here, Cameron," he said when he found Cameron in the library, working on paperwork for the training camp.

Cameron grinned, "What's my job this summer, Harry?"

"Erm, teaching me?"

"It's a lot easier to do that if I am where you are; besides I can keep records as well as any wizard."

"I guess I'm not used to having my own moral fitness trainer."

Cameron laughed, "I like that description. Many people hire physical fitness trainers - why not have a moral fitness trainer? You seem in a good mood, Harry."

"Dumbledore says it's the work I'm doing with you. I think it also helps to have things to do."

"Well, there's enough of that."

"At least it's just training. Everything done here can be reset to try it again. Hexes can be removed or countered. It's so gut-wrenching when it's for keeps."

"And yet they say that's where you really take the measure of a man, when it's for keeps."

"You said 'they say' - do you think otherwise?"

"It's just not the whole picture. There are many people who are fine human beings, but just can't perform under pressure. Are they lesser people or of less value to our society because they're no good in a battle or in a crisis?"

"I see what you mean. Mr. Weasley has said many times that he has no place in a fight. He was wonderful at the Battle of Gringotts, but then all he did was coordinate placement of people. He didn't have to do any fighting."

"Exactly. Or Neville Longbottom. I've been talking with Mrs. Longbottom about him. From what I hear, he's fierce in a duel, but just can't produce a patronus. Is he unimportant or not a good person because of it?"

"You'll never hear me saying that about Neville. He's a great asset everywhere but fighting dementors." Harry paused a second and then continued "Cameron, how much do you understand of girls?"

"Hmm, I've had some relationships. I was married to a witch, until she was killed by Death Eaters while fighting in the first war."

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Thanks Harry," said Cameron, "there's still a warm spot in my heart for Ruth. But back to your question, I know that girls are a lot easier to figure out before they become women. Which kind do you have a question about?"

"More like a woman."

"Ooh, I was afraid of that," Cameron said playfully, putting Harry more at ease, "Tell me about it."

Harry described his conversations the night before, filling in other things about the two of them and his relationship and feelings for Marietta as he went. Cameron listened attentively to it all.

"Well, I've got good news and bad news for you, Harry. The good news is that you have become interested in a very wise girl. That's the bad news, too. She understood that you couldn't really give your love to someone else as long as it was still with Marietta."

"Do I have to totally lose all feeling for Marietta? I can't imagine that happening."

"No, of course not, Harry. We can move on, but still have regard for people we have loved. I still have very wonderful feelings for Ruth, and it's been nearly twenty years since she died. But I've had relationships, even been in love, since then."

"Didn't any of them work out?"

"No. Things happened. Problems showed up. One of them didn't realize I was a squib until we were four months into dating: when she found out she dumped me. She just couldn't deal with a non-magical boyfriend."

"That's awful," said Harry.

"Well, romantic relationships and especially marriages aren't all warm fuzzy feelings. We have notions of what the person we're pairing off with has to be like. Most people want to stay within their religion. Some people demand physical characteristics - it's a physical relationship, too, as I'm sure you know. Some have to have education, wealth, or a sense of humor. It may seem cold at times, but it's better to know what your 'deal-breakers' are so that you don't stay with a person and wind up hating them for not being the person you wanted. But similarly, creating a ridiculous checklist of qualities that aren't really that important severely limits the chances you can find someone who fits in the most important ways. More typical, perhaps, is having a group of qualities you are looking for which a person may more or less have and making sure that enough of them are adequately met."

"I think I see," said Harry, "but Ginny and I have always gotten along great, and we like many of the same things."

"Well, she didn't close the door on you either, did she?"

"No, but ... she doesn't want me now. And I want someone in my life."

"That's just it, Harry. You've learned how good it feels to have love in your life, and you're feeling the emptiness of not having that love after having known it. So you want someone. But Ginny needs to know that she's not just 'someone.' She wants to know that the person she has a relationship with wants specifically her."

"But I do - I think I do."

"Harry, you of all people should know the feeling of being someone who just fits a label. When you first came to Hogwarts, you were The Boy Who Lived - many people still see you that way. Since then you've been the warrior who's faced Voldemort four more times, the basilisk-slayer, the quidditch champion, the Tri-Wizard champion, the youngest wizard ever with a Patronus or a Defense NEWT, the hero of Gringotts, 'Coach' for the DA. I'm sure I've forgotten some. But in all that, haven't you felt separate from those titles, like there's still something else that's just Harry?"

"Oh, absolutely. That's why I like so much being with my friends, and especially the Weasleys. They all know and accept that other stuff, but they react to me, just as me."

"Ginny doesn't want to be seen merely as the person who fits the role of 'the woman in your life.' Now don't misunderstand what I'm saying: Ginny knows that if you two were to have a relationship that you would want to interact with her the way that men and women interact. Not only does she accept that, she almost certainly is looking forward to it. Almost all men and women have a natural yearning to be like that with a special someone, and they realize it as they grow up - if they haven't been polluted with evil ideas about their bodies. But just as you want to be considered as Harry, not as all that other stuff, she wants to be considered as Ginny, special and unique, not just a generic woman attached to your life who meets your generic male needs."

"But how can I convince her that I think of her as someone unique?"

"Well, Harry, first make sure that you are able to. You've lost Marietta only recently, less than two months ago. You said yourself you still hadn't stopped loving her. It's an open wound in your heart. In time, it will heal; it will leave its traces, scars even. But until it does heal over, you'd be trying to fit any other woman into the image you have of Marietta. You'd be doing a disservice to three people there: the one who's passed, the one you brought in, and yourself. If you tried to just fit someone else into that hole in your heart, you'd tear away at your ability to see each person as unique and worthy of love in their own right. It makes you shallow and self-centered. And Harry - that's not the fine young man I've come to know this summer."

Harry furrowed his brow and glared at Cameron, "You had to add that last little bit, didn't you? Put a little sugar on the bitter pill you'd have me swallow."

Cameron smiled. "It helps, doesn't it? Especially when you know I'm sincere. Read my emotions if you doubt me."

"That's okay. I know you enough to know. So what do I do?"

"You keep training yourself and others. You keep learning how to practice universal love. You acknowledge your feelings for Marietta and the loss. Is there someone who also knew Marietta particularly well you can talk about her with? - that can help."

Harry nodded, "That's what finally allowed me to accept Cedric Diggory's death. Remus suggested that, too, and I need the same person for it. Cho Chang said she was going to keep up as a team leader this year, so she's been here, although I found out today that this week she has family commitments in the evenings, so she won't be here full-time until next week. There's one thing though. A couple of years ago, we had an interest in each other and sort of had a date, but things didn't work out well. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Are you over your attraction?"

"Well, I can still appreciate that she's very pretty, but I don't have a particular interest."

"Well, it's perhaps not ideal, but if she was Marietta's closest friend, then she's probably the best person for it. Just try to keep a little distance between the two of you and let her know that your interest is only in talking out your feelings about Marietta."

"Right then! I'll talk to her this week and let her know that next week she'd better just set aside some time to talk."

"Good, Harry, a plan. Now we have about a half hour before dinner: let's get some of our other work done."

On Tuesday training proceeded similarly. Several more aurors and auxiliaries were testing their patronuses against the lethifold, though only two passed. The others had trouble hanging onto the happy thought needed when there was a monstrous creature advancing. But then, thought Harry, that's the point of the test. When all the patronus students had had as much as they could take, Harry dismissed them to attend sessions with Moody or Mrs. Longbottom.

Harry himself headed down for dueling practice. He was delighted to see that his DA students were faring excellently against the adult wizards. Mrs. Longbottom saw him across the dueling pitches and beamed at him. He apparated over to her side, so as not to pass between the duelists. Mrs. Longbottom pointed out wizards who were having trouble with particular skills. Harry went to work with them individually. In most cases he was able to sharpen up their performance in a few minutes of concentrated effort.

After a while, Mrs. Longbottom suggested that Harry get some practice himself. She called all the other trainees to one end of the field at the side, and sent Harry to the other. She announced that she was going to send in one new person every fifteen seconds until someone hexed Harry. Harry was to use only spells which would not need immediate unhexing. Sorcerer after sorcerer was sent in, only to be knocked out of the match, often with Harry using nothing more than blocking spells to reflect the sorcerer's own spell back.

Several of the original DA members were able to last for more than a minute, Neville longest of all, but before long they were all hit. Finally Tonks was the last to be sent in: she ducked and weaved and finally sent a spell at Harry that he had no defense against, so he avoided it. The avoidance practice was good for him, so he only defended. She fired again and again, from several angles, and then finally caught him with one of the spells just as he was apparating where she had fired. Harry began to laugh and laugh.

"I won, I won," she jumped and shouted, "I hexed him."

Harry continued to laugh uncontrollably. Tonks pointed her wand at him and said "Finite Incantatem," and he caught his breath.

"Well, yeah, Tonks, you did, and I wish you hadn't ended it so quickly. I needed the laugh," Harry said with a grin, "but that'll be the day that the Death Eaters battle with Cheering Charms."

"Doesn't matter," she said, "the winner was to be the one who hit you with a spell. Na-na-na-na-naaaa-na!"

"I'll have the defense against that next time we spar, Tonks."

"Excellent demonstration," said Mrs. Longbottom, "Remember all of you - until you can beat Potter, you haven't practiced enough!"

A great groan arose from the assembled trainees, by now recovered from the hexes.

"Now, Mr. Potter," said Mrs. Longbottom, "you are expected back at your relatives' house this evening so you can spend your birthday tomorrow there, so you'd better get moving."