The War of Shades

Chapter 2 - Reverend MacBoon

Remus Lupin and Reverend MacBoon arrived so promptly after lunch on Wednesday that Harry almost thought that they had been hiding in the shrubs to ring the doorbell when the meal was over. Harry put down the dishtowel from cleaning the dishes and went to answer.

"Harry!" said Lupin, giving him a bear hug.

"Professor Lupin, it's good to see you," said Harry, looking over Lupin's shoulder for some indication of their transportation. "Erm, how did you get here?"

Lupin smiled. "First, call me Remus, okay? I'm no longer your teacher and you're nearly an adult in the wizarding world. I know you'll always think of me as a close friend of your parents, but I'd like for us to be friends on our own terms as well, okay? Now don't fret about us not passing for muggle. We walked over from Arabella's house. We used the Floo Network to get there. Cameron can't Apparate, and I can't take a living being with me - like some people can, I hear."

Harry smiled, "Oh, well, some things come easy, some don't. We all have our strengths."

"Sure, Harry," said Lupin, "Let me make introductions. Reverend Cameron MacBoon, may I introduce Harry Potter. Harry, Reverend MacBoon."

The man with Lupin was a little taller than Harry, not quite stocky but no longer slender, and appeared to be the age of Arthur and Molly Weasley, maybe a bit older. His medium blue eyes were very active and alert, but not shifty, and his chin was cleft. He had an unguarded demeanour that radiated trust and acceptance. He spoke with a noticeable Scottish burr.

Reverend MacBoon smiled and extended his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Harry - wish I had met you at the chapel before."

Harry smiled. "Well, sorry about that. I've never learned a church-going habit. I'm glad to meet you, uh, should I call you Father, Reverend, um ..."

"How about Cameron? If I had to use a title, it would be Reverend, as Presbyterian pastors are known. The school is in Scotland, after all, where the national church is Presbyterian. But I'd rather do without titles. I'll be sharing my experiences and education with you, but I don't want you to just accept the words because I've got the title. I'm not a professor who will give you a test at the end. As a pastor, I am a spiritual guide: my goal is to help you bring out the good and put aside the bad within you. And s I understand your quest, before too long, you must take yourself beyond any sort of instruction another person could give you, though I can continue to lend a helping hand and an outside perspective. But truly, we're not so much going to be learning about things, so much as learning to do."

"Well, that's been the sorts of classes I've done the best in. But I have to admit that I find it rather scary as well - when I fly, or Apparate, or do spells, I know when I'm doing them right - something happens. How will I know when I am doing this sort of work right?"

"Your heart will tell you, Harry, you'll feel the coming of peace. Albus tells me you've got a good start in the heart department."

Harry smiled, "I know he says that, but I feel like I have so far to go."

"Good. In fact, we all have far to go to be the people we are made to be, but it is only those who recognize the need for improvement who will make improvement."

"Well, I'm almost ready to get started. I just have to finish doing the lunch dishes," said Harry, leading them past the cupboard under the stairs to the kitchen. They walked in and found Petunia having a cup of coffee.

"Petunia! Pleased to see you again. The years have been kind," said Lupin.

"Remus, it's nice to see you, too. I'm so sorry about Sirius," answered Petunia graciously.

Lupin nodded sadly, then continued. "You remember Reverend MacBoon, don't you."

Petunia extended her hand and MacBoon, rather than shaking it, kissed it, in the continental style.

Petunia giggled at having her hand kissed. "Reverend, you've barely aged since the wedding."

Harry gaped. "Which wedding - my parents?"

"Of course, Harry," said Petunia, "Do you think I'd go to any other weddings at Hogwarts. I'm not fond of magic, but blood is stronger."

"And love stronger still," said MacBoon, "Pleased to meet you again, Miss Evans."

"Oh, it's Mrs. Dursley now," she said shyly.

"Yes, of course. I'm sure Remus told me. Good for Mr. Dursley, a loss for me."

Lupin laughed gently. "You lay it on thick there, don't you, Cameron?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Remus."

"Petunia," said Lupin, "I know you had some magical cleaning in here last summer. Do you mind if I use a bit to finish up Harry's work so we can get started on what we came for?"

"Let me just pull the blinds first," said Petunia.

Once Aunt Petunia had shut the windows tight against any prying eyes, which she knew from her own practices were likely to be about, Lupin took out his wand, said several spells, and the kitchen was left sparkling as unnaturally clean as Harry's Aunt Petunia always kept it. Harry noticed that it was far cleaner than he ever got it when he cleaned up

Harry, Lupin and Reverend MacBoon went up to Harry's room and shut the door.

"Before you two get started on other things, I want to show you something," said Lupin.

He pulled out a handheld mirror just like the one that Sirius had given Harry nearly two years earlier, and which Harry had used for a year to discuss matters with Dumbledore.

"It's part of the set that Sirius got all of us Marauders one Christmas. You have your father's, Dumbledore has Sirius's. I've only recently gotten this one - it was Peter's but his mother gave it to me. She knows how he has turned out and is disgusted with him. Mine, I'm afraid, was broken many years ago in one of my werewolf rages. Don't worry - Cameron already knew about that. He was the assistant chaplain when I came to Hogwarts. I can't begin to tell you how much he helped me; not so much with the disease, but with my frustration at my situation. Your mother was an angel in that regard as well. Listen carefully to him, Harry. And if you need to talk with me, just get your mirror and call."

"That's great, Profes ..., ah, Remus. I know others knew my parents, but you're really the last link I have to them as regular people. Besides, you're a great guy to talk with even without that."

"Thanks, Harry. Barring business for the Order, I'll always be there for you, and not just because you're the Order's business either, right? I like you whether you fight anyone again or not. I'm going to get going now, so you and Cameron can talk. I don't want to hinder. You need to talk freely, Harry, and you can. The sanctity of your talks with a pastor in the wizarding world cannot be broken even by Veritaserum. I've seen it tried on him, back during the trials after Voldemort's first fall. The Ministry wanted to question him and he could not be made to talk. So speak freely, from the deepest recesses of your soul."

"Okay, Remus. I'll do my best. It may not be easy at first - my upbringing hasn't been that conducive to being totally open," replied Harry.

"I know you'll do your best. Besides, Cameron has a way of making a person feel comfortable enough to open up - no, not magic, though you might call it a certain charm, it's really a persona of complete trustworthiness."

"Now you're laying it on thick, Remus," interrupted Cameron.

"Don't listen to that, Harry, he has Dumbledore's trust and mine, and in no time, you'll understand."

Okay, Remus. Y'know, I noticed that you said Voldemort's first fall - are you so certain that there's going to be a second?"

"I like our chances. We have an excellent Minister of Magic, the wizarding world is alert and reasonably unified, and the goblins are talking alliance and would stand behind you under any circumstances. Whatever your role is, and Dumbledore only lets us know that you're at the center of things, now that our champion's ready to do whatever it takes, I think we're in good shape. I just hope I make it through to see it."

Harry laughed weakly. "Okay - no pressure, huh?"

Lupin laughed also. "Nope, no pressure - just the fate of the world."

He winked and left Harry and Reverend MacBoon to talk.

"Okay, Harry," said Cameron MacBoon, when Lupin had gone. "Let's make sure I understand the situation the same way you do. I know about the prophecy - you are supposed to have the power to 'vanquish the Dark Lord,' but neither you nor Dumbledore really know what that power is. He believes it has to do with your capacity for love. Last year you also received a message at an ancient Egyptian shrine which said 'To achieve peace, practice forgiveness and goodwill.' Dumbledore believes that this path to peace will purify your loving nature and allow this power you need to manifest itself. Is that about it?"

"Yes, sir," replied Harry.

"And do you want me to guide you on that path to peace."

"If you can, yes."

"I believe I can, but I'll have you know, it's probably the hardest task any person can set for himself. It requires a total mastery of oneself. Magic won't help you. You must cleanse your soul of all negative feelings and cultivate positive thoughts so that you can rise above all that is evil. Are you game for that?"

"If that's what it takes to help my friends, then sure."

"I can't promise that. Dumbledore thinks it will. He deals with contending with evil wizards - I help people contend with the evil within them. I believe this is good in itself, and I think you will, too, in time. But we will be working on it in steps, and at first, you will be able to work on those steps because you are seeking some other goal or because of those you have affection for. The time will come, though, when you will have to see a pure loving heart as the goal."

"This isn't something you just look up in a potion book, is it, Cameron?" asked Harry.

"Nae, Harry. But I think I can help you. Now first you have to understand that there are different types of love. The ancient Greeks had names for several different types - we have to use adjectives to describe them and tell them apart. There's eros - romantic love. I'm told you have some knowledge of that?"

Harry put his head down and breathed deeply to compose himself.

"Yes, Cameron. I fell in love this past year. She broke up with me three months ago, and then she was killed at the Battle of Gringotts last month. I ... still loved her."

"Yes, I knew Marietta. We corresponded last summer. I am unable to tell you about what, but I'm certain you have an idea what had her feeling so conflicted. It had to do with the magical world, of course. Her family attended church at an Anglican parish in London, but the priests there were muggles, so they wouldn't have understood."

"Well, that answers one thing I was wondering - whether you are a wizard or not," said Harry with a smile.

"Almost - I'm a squib," said Reverend MacBoon. "Will that be a problem for you, Harry?"

"Oh, no, Cameron. I learn Potions from Mrs. Figg during the summer. I'm sure you know she's a squib. She's probably the best potion-maker I've ever met - including Professor Snape. Uh, don't tell him I said that, okay?"

Cameron laughed. "No, of course not: I wouldn't want to spoil the excellent relationship Remus told me you have with him. But can I tell cousin Arabella you said so?"

"She's your cousin? Well, of course you can tell her - I think I've told her something like that already," answered Harry.

"She's more like a fourth cousin twice removed, but squibs tend to gravitate together. We feel less isolated that way, and can share stories about our cats and kneazles. Let's move on. The next type of love is philos, sometimes called brotherly love, but it's broader than what it sounds. It's the love toward all those you associate with - kin, friends, fellow team members, whatever."

"Okay, I know that one, too."

"Indeed you do, Harry. You've done feats for those you love that only Albus can rival in recent time. Sometimes people mistake it by equating it to a 'one hand washes the other' kind of implied deal. It may begin that way, but as so many courageous people have shown, it often extends to actions of bravery or sacrifice that go well beyond any hope of reward. You didn't go into the Chamber of Secrets or retrieve Cedric Diggory's body because you expected reward, but because of your love for your fellow students. Wonderful, amazing things have been accomplished on the basis of philos. But we must go much further."

"Further - how much further can love go?" asked Harry, puzzled.

"Agape," answered Cameron, "Universal love, also known as Christian love, because it is what is the heart and soul of Christianity - the very pinnacle and the very foundation of Christian practice."

"Really!?" said Harry, "I guess I should have known my aunts and uncle were not quite right on that."

"I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that someone who claims to be a Christian hasn't got a clue as to what it's actually about," Cameron said sardonically. "So what did they tell you?"

"That Christianity is about giving out rules, so that wicked boys like me would know how rotten they are and why they would be going to hell and why proper people like them would be going to heaven. But to be fair, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia haven't said anything like that to me since they've accepted that I'm a wizard."

Cameron shook his head. "I cannot begin to tell you how many people claim to be Christians but know nothing of what it is all about. It creates great resentment and disdain against Christians and Christianity."

"Cameron, is the point for me to become a Christian?"

"No, and yes."

Harry sighed. "Well, that clears it up."

"Glad to be of service," Cameron said with a smile and a wink. "The problem, Harry, is that 'becoming a Christian' means different things to different people. To most people, it means 'professing Christianity' as one's faith, or 'accepting Jesus as Lord, God's manifestation in human form.' That is not what I am trying to lead you to; if you pick that up as we go, that's fine, but I'm here to teach you something else. Let me tell you a story.

"There was a man with a farm and one of the fields needed hoeing. In the morning, he told his two sons to take hoes and go out to the field to take care of it. One of them said, 'No way, I want to spend the day with my friends,' and he left the house. The other said 'sure, Dad, right away.' But once the first son got a short distance down the road, he thought better of what he was doing, came back, picked up a hoe, went to the field and got to work. The second son, however, went out of the house, picked up a hoe as if he was going to the field, but instead went to pass time with his friends. Now which one was doing what his father asked?"

"The one who did the work."

"Of course. And it's the same with being a Christian. In fact, Jesus had to correct his disciples when they tried to stop people who were healing the sick in Jesus' name; the disciples thought they were misusing the name, but Jesus was only concerned that they were doing good things for other people. That is what counts, Harry. Saying you are a Christian without trying to practice agape' means little and is often even destructive, because being a poor Christian discredits Christianity. Of course, it should be kept in mind that no Christian, no person, is perfect, but we Christians are called upon to do our best to guide all our actions by love. On the other hand, doing the work of a Christian - that is, practicing love for all beings - that is what being a Christian in spirit is about, whether you adopt that name or not, and I think that what matters more is the life you lead, not whether you profess a particular religion. But I also think Jesus' life and the teachings of Christianity are the best way to learn it. By the way, Jesus told that story about the farmer in his ministry: I don't claim credit."

"Ah," said Harry with a smirk, "so you have a Holy Ghostwriter."

Cameron groaned, and then laughed lightly. "There are people who would be very incensed at your making a pun like that, calling it sacrilege, but I know it was innocent fun. Jesus and his followers were criticized for having fun and joking around in their free time, so I'll go with their example and enjoy life. Now as his ministry progressed Jesus was more and more concerned about the people who professed to be Godly people, but acted very different, using adherence to relatively irrelevant and often arcane rules as justification, when the truly important law - 'love your neighbor as yourself' - was being ignored."

"Not getting the big picture."

"Exactly. Jesus stressed this again in another passage where he said that the time would come after his time on Earth when he would be in heaven judging between those who would be saved and those not. What he said was that the good would be judged by this: 'I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you showed hospitality, I was without clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you cared for me, and in prison and you visited me.' Similarly the bad people failed to do these things. Then those in each group would say, 'when did we ever see you in these conditions?' His reply was that when you do these things for any person, particularly the most needy, you are doing those things for Him."

"I'm afraid I'm a little lost on that."

"It's saying that God's will for us is that we practice love for all people, not just those who can help us or who can demand it, but those who need the help. When he says that doing this for the least among us is doing it for Him, you can view it on a couple of levels. It can be seen as a symbolic statement: he loves all beings, so when you do things for those he loves, you are doing it for him, just as no good parent fails to appreciate a kindness shown to his child. I prefer a more literal view of it, though, that God is actually in all of us and in all that exists, so that whatever we do toward another being is done to God."

"Would I understand this better if I read the Bible?"

"Yes and no."

"Stop that!"

"Sorry, Harry. Let me elucidate. The Bible is a very complex book and very easy to misunderstand. It has often been said that the devil himself can quote scripture to suit his purposes and, just so, we often hear of hateful things being justified by reference to scriptures. The Bible is divided into books, and those are divided into chapters and those into verses. The various books have their own histories and were not assembled into the current format until centuries after the parts were committed to parchment. The first portion, well over half, is known to Christians as the Old Testament. The Jews recognize the same books, though not the same translations, as the Torah and the Talmud. This part is the story of the Hebrew people, whose descendants are today known as Jews, after the main surviving tribe of Hebrews, and their relationship with God. It tells of forming a pact, that is, a testament or contract, with God, that they would obey the rules he gave them and in return he would protect them. Time and again they fell away from these rules and God allowed their enemies to hurt them until they turned back to God and he restored his protection. There were some basic broad rules, which we know as the Ten Commandments, and then there were a whole bunch of more detailed rules about what they were required to do in all sorts of situations. Then in interpreting these rules for new situations, additional rules were devised which became ever more arcane. Of course, no one could keep all these rules perfectly, so there were ways to seek God's forgiveness and to make oneself right with God. This primarily involved blood sacrifices."

"Okay, now blood sacrifices are sort of a way of making an apology to God, right?"

"That's the idea, Harry."

"I don't know a lot about Judaism, but I don't think they do that."

"Well, not animal sacrifice - that was given up long ago. Not too much after Jesus' time on earth. Most Jews still practice circumcision, however, which is often regard ed as a blood sacrifice given as a sign of affirmation of the covenant of the Torah. Now, Jesus was a Jew born about two thousand years ago when Judea - the reestablished land of the remaining tribe of the Hebrews - was a province of the Roman Empire. It is the Christian belief that he was God's son, that is, one in being with God, but adopting fully human form. He studied the Jewish laws and the commentary on them. He may also have studied Greek philosophy and other ideas in the land. He saw that the goal of all of the law could be summed up as an attempt to express a single idea - universal love. The very core of his message was every person could be resolved with God if they sincerely sought to practice forgiveness and goodwill toward all men, and in so doing they would know peace."

Harry cocked his head. "That's the message from the shrine - but that was placed more than a thousand years before the time of Jesus. So he didn't invent the concept?

"Nae, and the Greeks had the word agape and the idea of it long before the time of Jesus. Many other cultures did too. But he lived it. He actually practiced it. And he accepted being the final blood sacrifice that we all might be saved."

"He WAS a blood sacrifice - what happened to him?" asked Harry.

"You don't even know that? You know the Christian symbol is the cross, right? Jesus was falsely accused, convicted, then whipped and nailed with large spikes through his hands and feet to a cross, which was raised up so that he hung on it in the desert sun of Judea until he died."

"That's awful!" said Harry with revulsion.

"It was meant to be, so that people would not dare to run afoul of the power of Rome," said Cameron quietly. "And do you know what he said as he was hanging there on the cross, bleeding, aching, surrounded by people who mocked him, spat on him, and even stole his clothes?"

"I would have summoned my wand and hexed them all into comas! I can tell already, though, that that's not it, so, okay, what did he say?"

"'Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.'"

"But ... they were awful to him. They hurt him. They were killing him. And he forgave them!?"

"Yes, Harry," said Cameron. "That is the way with Christian love - we learn forgiveness and goodwill toward everyone - unbounded either by the number of times a person has harmed us or others or what kind of harm they have done."

"That's what I have to learn?"

"Yes, Harry."

"To forgive everyone and wish them good?"

"Not just to think it - but to practice it."

"Everyone?"

"Yes, Harry."

"Bellatrix LeStrange and the rest of the Death Eaters and even Voldemort!?"

"Yes, Harry."

"That's a tall order - really immense!"

"Yes, Harry."

"So I just say 'I forgive you all - go ahead and have a good time killing people,'" ranted Harry.

"No, that's not going to happen on several grounds. First, we're going to practice with little steps. Second, you aren't going to be allowed to just 'live and let live' with Voldemort and his kind. He wants you dead."

"Well, didn't Jesus let the people back then kill him?"

"Yes, Harry, but he allowed himself to be sacrificed, so that we would not have to. Love does not require allowing people to hurt others or ourselves. We don't return hurt for hurt, but we need not make ourselves victims. I have prayed for you every single day since your parents were killed: I'm not here to teach you to die, but to teach you to live. Understand?"

"I think so. So then I still will be fighting?"

"Yes, but not to destroy, just to stop him."

"That's what Dumbledore did two years ago - Voldemort was surprised that Dumbledore was not fighting to kill him, but all he did was to stop him from killing me."

"Yes, precisely, Dumbledore desires no one's destruction. He is a more saintly man than he will admit to."

"But he makes mistakes - he has with me," said Harry sharply, remembering the pain of just over a year earlier after Sirius had died.

"Yes, he's human. Perfection is not for us."

"But," said Harry, "the prophecy says I am the one with a chance to vanquish the Dark Lord. How can I do that if I do not try to destroy Voldemort?"

"I don't know, Harry. I don't think there's much chance you'll make a Christian out of him. I wish I knew what you are to do. I can hope that at some point our studies will lead to some fruition, but I have been sent to teach you to forgive and to love universally. The magic, like so many other things, is out of my hands. Let's get back to what I am here to teach you about. You have a grudge against Dumbledore."

"I don't! I trust him, I look up to him, I ..." said Harry.

"Love him?"

Harry nodded.

"Ah, yes, you say so, Harry, and I don't doubt that you do, but when I described him as saintly, you got angry because he had made mistakes which wound up hurting you, right?" said Cameron. "That emotional response shows you still need to forgive him for what he did. It's not that he tried to hurt you - you know that's not so. But his mistakes did hurt you, and you need to forgive him - not for his sake, but for your peace of mind. The knowledge of the brain that he was doing his best has not yet made it to your heart. Can you discuss it with him?"

Harry looked down. "I think so."

"Good. Hand me your mirror, please."

Harry handed Reverend MacBoon the communicating mirror.

"Albus? Are you available?"

Dumbledore's face appeared in the mirror. "Aah, Cameron, good to see you. Are things going well? It appears you haven't been evicted yet."

Cameron laughed. "No, but I thought he might when I told him the basic idea here. He thinks it's a lot to ask."

"Of course it is," said Professor Dumbledore, "but he has already risen to challenges no other wizard could handle. I believe he can handle this as well. Do you need something?"

"As we were discussing matters, we determined that there is something he needs to discuss with you. I'll hand the mirror to him now."

Reverend MacBoon handed the mirror to Harry, who looked at him pleadingly, and said to him rather than the mirror, "What do I say?"

"Talk to him. Tell him about your resentment."

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes, Harry."

"I'm still angry about the things we discussed after Sirius was killed. I didn't know what to guard against because you failed to tell me." Harry's voice rose. "You didn't think I could handle knowing the prophecy, and you didn't even tell me about the sort of tricks I should watch out for."

Then Harry started yelling, "You trusted Snape - EXCUSE ME, Professor Snape! - to teach me to protect my mind even though you knew he hated me for the things my father did! It was wrong and you weren't supposed to make mistakes and it cost Sirius his life."

Harry quieted down and added, "And I still feel responsible too, because I behaved foolishly as well."

Harry hung his head and began crying quietly.

"Thank you, Harry," said Professor Dumbledore.

"What?" said Harry, between sniffs.

"Thank you. It is a kindness for you to take another step to clear the air. I said then that you should be angry with me, but after I told you, you kept the anger inside. I want us to be able to rely on each other completely. I am afraid that only that will allow us to meet the challenges ahead. But in that reliance, we each must recognize that neither is perfect. I had treated you as too fragile. You had treated me as too wise. Learning that I was not perfect, and harboring that resentment, caused you to not fully trust me this past year."

"But, I did everything you asked of me."

"Yes, you did, Harry, and splendidly. But when you went further and took it upon yourself to relieve the attack on Gringotts, you did not think to notify me. I had to hear it from Fred Weasley instead. Or was it George? I would have been able to get useful information to you, such as my suspicions of Shacklebolt when he did not answer the general call for aurors."

Harry thought. "As dire as things were then, I could have contacted you through a member of the Order. Even though Professor Weasley was occupied, Hagrid or someone else could have gotten a message to you. I thought you would stop me and I wanted to help the goblins. I believed you would again treat me as too weak. I'm sorry."

"I understand, Harry. I forgive you," said Professor Dumbledore.

"And I forgive you for misjudging me. There were mistakes enough to go around. How can I make it up to you?"

"Well, by all your work on your studies and skills, and coaching the DA, and working with Reverend MacBoon; also can we not have these lapses of communication?"

"I guess we'd better not."

"Oh, one more thing, Harry."

"Yes, Professor."

"When this whole business is over, and we don't have to resort to these mirrors for mutual safety, can we spend some time together?"

"That would be splendid, Professor. I hope there'll be such an opportunity."

"Indeed. Is your scar okay?

"Nothing to tell."

"Excellent. Good-bye, Harry - for now."

"Good-bye, Professor."

Harry put down the mirror and smiled inwardly.

"It feels good to clear the soul of resentment, doesn't it, Harry?" said Reverend MacBoon.

"Yes, Cameron, it does."

"Now it sounds like you have never done much Bible reading."

"Uh, no - should I take it up?" asked Harry.

"Well, yes, but let me guide you," said Cameron, "You see, as I was saying before, the Bible is a large and complex book, a collection of writings really, with lots of history, songs, tribal legends, sermons, parables and other writings. There are plenty of people who try to tell you that every single word is literally true, but there are parts that aren't even internally consistent, such as genealogies and the parallel histories of the Books known as Chronicles and Kings. You'd also have to believe that the value of pi - the ratio of the circumference and the diameter of a circle - is exactly 3, though it is easily demonstrated to be significantly greater than that. And don't get me started on the whole Creationism thing. Idolatry, even of the Bible, is wrong - only God is worthy of worship, and his essential nature is love."

Cameron paused a few seconds and then went on. "And as I said before, parts can be taken out of context. Every few years, you hear about some person who calls him- or herself a Christian, usually in America, who reads the instructions to Abraham to circumcise his sons and their descendants and tries to do it to their own child."

Harry shifted anxiously in his chair and pressed his legs together on hearing this. Cameron smiled sympathetically at Harry's discomfort.

"If they read the whole Bible in context they would understand that this is the sign of the Old Covenant, which Jesus fulfilled and replaced with the New Covenant - at least for Christians. The New Testament says many places very specifically that Christians are not to circumcise for religious reasons. That's just one example of the awful things a person can do relying on only a partial understanding of the Bible.

"But don't get me wrong - the Bible is an invaluable resource if you understand what the parts of it are all about. I'll tell you more about the Bible and the history that goes with it gradually over our visits: too much all at once can be bewildering. We are going to focus on teaching you universal love, Agape. It is sometimes also translated as 'charity,' but it doesn't mean handouts to the needy. It means having a loving, forgiving nature, which wishes and does only good for others - goodwill. I read a famous passage about love at your parents' wedding. Would you like to hear it?

"At my parents' wedding? Really? Of course," said Harry enthusiastically.

"It goes like this:

'If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal;

If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing;

If I give all I own to the poor, and sacrifice my body on an altar, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast: it is not proud.

Love is not rude or self-seeking.

Love is not easily angered.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Where there are prophecies, they will cease.

Where there are tongues, they will be stilled.

Where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

But Love never fails.'"

Harry listened attentively, and then thought in silence.

Finally he spoke, "Wow, that's like a poem. Do you believe all that?"

"Yes, Harry, I do, and I try to live by it. I'm not perfect, but I try to become better at living my life by love. And I hope you meant it when you said you wanted to work toward that yourself."

"I have to be all of those things - patient, kind, not easily provoked, humble, hopeful, all that stuff?" asked Harry.

Cameron nodded.

"It's a tall order. Sometimes I'm like that, but sometimes I'm not."

"Of course, Harry. You've barely started to address moral choices. There is within every human a higher nature and a baser nature. We can embrace the good or the evil. Sometimes we are strong enough and wise enough to be the best, most loving people we can be, and sometimes we are weak and deluded. There is ever a war in our souls over what type of person we shall be. Many people never try to fight it. And as I have said, none are perfect. But there is good news about this: when we fail to be the person we know we ought to be, we can seek God's forgiveness, and if we are sincere in regretting our mistakes and seeking to set them right and go on with a pure heart, then we are as new, as innocent as a newborn baby, though hopefully wiser."

"And peace will come?"

"And peace will come," Cameron reassured. "Okay, now I've told you a bit about love. Let's take another step on forgiveness. Let's clear the air with someone you like - how about Remus?"

"He's a great guy. What of him?"

"I want you to explore in your own heart whether there are any things you may have done to him for which you need forgiveness, or any resentments you may bear against him that you need to forgive."

"Well, okay, but if we're going to do this with everyone I know, it's going to take a while," said Harry.

"No, we won't do this for everyone, just for many of your more significant relationships. I want you to get in the habit of sorting out your reactions in various situations. Where you harbor resentment or anger, you will learn to forgive. Where you can, you'll learn to seek forgiveness - it's a part of forgiving yourself."

"What's this about forgiving myself?" asked Harry.

"Have you never done anything wrong, or been angry with yourself whether you were wrong or not?" asked Reverend MacBoon.

Harry thought sadly of the times he had acted rashly or foolishly, had made stupid mistakes, had gotten angry when he knew he shouldn't. "Yeah, I reckon it'd be hard to count all the times."

Cameron smiled benignly. "We are learning about universal love. That is love for everyone - being charitable toward all. That includes you, Harry. You deserve that love as well, but you may not realize it yet. Albus tells me you have visions of loved ones dying."

"Yes, sometimes just hurt, more often already dead," Harry said grimly.

"Do you still have those visions?"

"Most of the time - it's like a few frames inserted into a muggle movie, but it's long enough for me to know what it's about."

"Albus said that he's never heard you saying that you saw yourself in any of the visions," said Cameron

"I vaguely remember him mentioning that to Hermione Granger when we were in Egypt. She agreed with him. They're right. I haven't told them of any, because I haven't seen myself dead. I just figured that it was because if I were to die, that it would be all over for me anyway," said Harry.

"Maybe, but I want you to consider that maybe it's because you don't really count yourself among those you love, that you don't consider yourself worthy of love. After all, during your entire upbringing, you were told how bad and worthless you were. You were forced to live in the cupboard under the stair. I took a look there as we passed by - it'd be fun for a child to play in, but it's an awful place to live," said Cameron.

"Even Dobby, the house elf, or rather, he's a goblin, but, well, it's a long story. Anyway, even he said it was too nasty to live in," said Harry.

"Then you suddenly were thrust into the wonderful but quite surreal magical world, correct?"

"Yeah - it's often seemed like a dream, more often lately a nightmare," said Harry.

"And you have often taken great risks and otherwise behaved rashly, as if your own life did not matter?" continued Reverend MacBoon.

Harry agreed reluctantly. "Yes. Yes, I have."

"These are signs of someone who may not actually love himself, who was filled with the negative ideas he grew up with so that even when circumstances change, he cannot accept that he is worthy of love. You will learn to forgive others, as well as yourself, so that you can learn to love everyone, including yourself," said Cameron.

"And my reward will be to see visions of my own death, eh?" said Harry with a smirk.

Cameron laughed. "Smart aleck!" Then he continued more seriously. "Listen, it seems as though at some point you will have to face Voldemort, and he will try to kill you, and I want there to be no doubt in your mind that this would be a bad thing."

"I don't WANT to die!" said Harry strongly.

"I'm sure you don't, not in your conscious thoughts, but your actions suggest someone who is not so sure he deserves to live. We all deserve to live and to live well. You are worthy of life and love. We're going to assess all your actions and relationships, as well as we can, and in the end, I think you will understand and come to love all beings, including yourself. Now to Remus - you first met him when he was your professor, when Sirius was thought to be an escaped mass murderer and the betrayer of your parents, right?"

"Yeah, he started almost four years ago, and had to leave at the end of my third year when it came out that he's a werewolf. Parents weren't too happy with that, and he was angry with himself for failing to take his potion the last full moon he was there."

"How about you - were you angry about that?"

"I guess some - he's a great teacher. I've really only had 2 good Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. Well, three if you count Barty Crouch, Jr., when he posed as Professor Moody - he was very effective as a teacher, but he was a Death Eater. No wonder he knew Dark Arts so well! I would have rather that Remus had stayed on: if he had taken his potion, he would still be teaching."

"That's fair enough. You know he didn't do it to hurt you or other students or himself, don't you?"

"Yeah, I reckon. But it was a big disappointment."

"Of course. Anything else?"

Harry thought hard, composed his thoughts, and then said, "He knew Sirius was out there, and the close relationship he and Sirius and my Dad had, and he didn't fill me in on it. I've been pretty bad about asking questions about my parents and my past, but I had no way of even knowing there was such a relationship to ask about. Even when he told me he knew my parents, he seemed to hold back a lot."

"Maybe that's because of the pain it caused him to think how his friends died, and that one was believed to have betrayed them?" suggested Cameron.

"Yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way. He actually knew my Mum and Dad; I barely have any memories of them at all. And he lost not only them, but also his friends Sirius and Peter in the same incident. It must have been awful for him. So is it wrong of me to have been upset about what he didn't tell me?"

"No, of course not. We will have situations that upset us, but we can still have sympathy and love for the person involved. And now that you understand it, you can let it go. You can see that he was doing the best he could, given his involvement and relationships."

Harry thought. "Yeah. I do see. I was hurt by the information not being given, but he didn't do anything bad. He was hurting inside, too. I feel like such an idiot for carrying that in me so long."

"Nobody's ever shown you how to get it out, or even to recognize it. Now let's consider if you've done things which hurt Remus."

Harry thought back over the past four years, particularly the year Lupin was a teacher. After several minutes, he put his hand over his mouth and got a sad, pained look in his eyes. Cameron reached over and put a hand on Harry's shoulder and began to rub it.

"Go ahead and tell me about it."

"I was really a brat toward him that year. I lied about things, and took advantage of his affection for my father and me. I let him get me out of scrapes that I caused by being so darned stubborn about doing whatever I wanted. He finally lost patience with me, and gave me a scolding I'll never forget - not loud or anything, but it cut me to my core, because it was spot on."

"Good, Harry. Are you grateful to him for doing that?"

"Now that I think of it - yeah. I've made other mistakes since then, but not like that."

"Let's talk to Remus about it."

They called Lupin on the communicating mirror and talked through both the things Harry had been angry about and the things Harry regretted. They talked through the details, and how they had each felt, and why they did as they did. In the end, Harry asked Lupin for forgiveness.

Remus smiled.

"Well, if you want to hear the words, Harry, I'll say them. You're forgiven. In my heart, I had forgiven you long ago. You were thirteen, feeling isolated and put-upon, and you didn't know what was going on. I wouldn't hold that against you. I'm pleased and proud of all that you say you learned from me - both in and out of classes."

"I'm also sorry about falling for the trick that led to Sirius' death."

"Harry, it hurts to have lost Sirius, but I don't blame you at all. You didn't understand the nature of your visions."

"Remus, I ..." Harry trailed off, barely mumbling.

"It's okay, Harry. We aren't used to saying such things openly. I love you, too. There are circumstances where you can't well say it, but this isn't one of them."

"Okay, Remus, I love you."

"If that does it, then I've got to go. See you, Harry, Cameron."

"Bye," answered Harry.

Cameron smiled at him, "Now how do you feel?"

"It hurts, and I feel good - and stronger, healthy."

"Excellent - that's just what we're looking for. That's a good start. I'll bet you feel both sore and good after a vigorous workout as well. It's the same idea - we're working on the moral muscle now. Let's see. It's Wednesday. How about if we meet again Friday afternoon - at Arabella's house? I'll be staying there this summer."

"At Mrs. Figg's? Sure. I like it there, now that she doesn't feel like she has to make it miserable."

"Good. We'll learn more about universal love, then. We'll also work more on understanding the things that make people hurt others and on learning to forgive and care about them without restraint. Till then, think about the things we've discussed and your experiences clearing the air with Albus and Remus. That was but a tiny bite at the apple you'll need to chew, okay?"

"I'll be there, ready to work."