Talking to My Parents

Talking to Stone

Yellow and orange leaves littered the ground making a fiery carpet on the serene hillside cemetery. Draco Galloway walked passed the finely kept, well-manicured burial sites to a seemingly forgotten area. Weeds overtook the stone tablets and the grass grew past his shoes and tickled his ankles and legs under his slacks.

He came to the familiar site near the edge of the cemetery, under a large, gnarled oak tree. There was nothing remarkable about the grave standing before him, just a simple small stone with two initials and two dates. Nothing else. Draco had wanted it that way, as simple as possible. That's why the body was placed here and not in the family crypt. Something he was positive he'd suffer for when he too entered the afterlife. But it assured the grave went undisturbed, and that's all that mattered to him.

Draco came here to this spot quite often. Standing over the grave and never talking, just staring at the stone in silence. He supposed he should say something, or at least feel something. But nothing ever came. It didn't bother him that he couldn't muster any emotions or remorse for the man buried here. He never had, he knew he never would.

But today, as the autumn leaves changed and fell around him, he felt the need to change as well. Because today, something life changing was going to happen; and he wanted desperately to let go of the past. To move on from the pain and hatred he still harbored for the man laying six feet below him. So, for the first time in ten years, after hundreds of wordless visits, he spoke to the man who he had murdered.

"Hello, Father."

~*~

"Hello, Father." He sighed deeply, feeling rather stupid. He had never understood why people spoke to the dead; he never thought it was therapeutic, just crazy. But thinking over the day and all that was going to happen, he remembered why he felt drawn to this place.

"I don't know where to begin.... Merlin, this is ridiculous.... I suppose there's a lot to say to you. A lot of things other people feel I should get off my chest. And I suppose I should begin with where it had all began. My childhood....

"Know I didn't always hate you. In fact you were my hero.... I was a stupid child, as I remember you telling me constantly. I remember wanting to be exactly like you. Wanting to please you, and have you be proud of me." He scuffed. "As though you ever could. Nothing I did was ever good enough for you. I could never be perfect enough for the Great Lucius Malfoy. No one lived up to your high standards, not me, not mother, not anyone.

"As I grew up, I realized this, but that didn't stop me from still wanting your approval. I just tried harder. I never gave up.... But you did. Did you give up on me before or after Hogwarts? Was it when I couldn't persuade Harry to join our side... your side? You never forgave me for that failure, did you?"

Draco looked up to the sky and sighed as hot tears threatened to break free. He swallowed the sudden pain down hastily and looked back down at the stone.

"No, wait, I just remembered when it must have been. When you finally threw your hands up and gave up for good. It was when I told you I was in love. It didn't matter who it was, just the simple fact that I could love someone was a disappointment for you. It was your own failure, thought you had stamped it out of me... my heart, my emotions, my ability to love, my very soul. But there I was standing before you, happy and in love. That was the true betrayal to you. Then, when you discovered who it was... I could've killed you then and you'd have thanked me."

The tears he tried desperately to control, fell down his cheeks and his body shook with anger. He had been sure that he had felt nothing for his dead father, but now he was proven wrong. He felt something... total hatred.

"You kicked me out of the manor, out of the very family. Took everything from me, from my inheritance, to my name, hell, the bloody robes off my back! Left me with nothing. You thought you had finally broken me. And I did too, I kept coming to you, begged for your forgiveness, your approval... your... your love. As if you could love anything or anyone. You thought you'd won though, but you didn't.

"I survived without you. I started over, with a new name. It may not have been easy, but it was a hell of a lot better than having everything handed to me on a silver platter. Working for what I have now, it gave me something you never could, integrity, honor, and respect for myself. And the one I loved, the one you disowned me because of, didn't leave me as you said she would. She stood by me, loved me more because of it. So, you were wrong about not only me but her as well.

"I made friends with the 'wrong sort,' as you would have called them. Trained to fight against you and your misguided lot. When the final battle came, I stood beside my love; I fought against you and Voldemort. I fought you until we were both bloody and broken. I'll never forget your words though, Father, as I raised my wand to you. You dropped your wand to your side; you were so sure I couldn't finish it, said I was too weak, too spineless, too afraid to kill you. I proved you wrong again, Father. I killed you. My new friends felt sorry for me, 'How could anyone kill their own father and not go mad?'" He grinned bitterly. "Yes, perhaps I did go slightly mad, because I kept it all inside. Some of your lessons have stayed with me. That was one of them: 'Keep your bloody emotions hidden, Draco.' But not anymore."

He looked down at his watch and silently did the math in his head; he had an hour.

"I refuse to allow myself to hide from my emotions anymore. Did it pain me to kill you? Perhaps a little bit. Not for any long ago fatherly devotion for you. But you were still my father. And as Harry had told me that night afterwards: 'Some things are deeper than simply love.' I don't know what I felt for you at the moment I killed you. It wasn't love, not even hate. Perhaps it was sadness.... Not for losing a father, no, not that. But for losing a hero, I was stupid for looking at you that way. But that's what you were to me in that moment, a fallen childhood hero." He wiped his tears and cleared his throat.

"Draco?" a voice came from below, at the bottom of the hill.

"I'll be just a moment more," he called back, surprised at the emotion still in his voice.

He turned back to the simple stone. "So, Father, I came to tell you I wouldn't be coming here any more. This is where I leave you and the past behind. I'm closing the door on you and what you were. This is a new beginning for me. I'm doing something today you'd probably kill me for, if you were alive, of course. I'm getting married. Not to further my career or financial wealth, but for love. Something you never understood. And I'm happy. Another thing you could never understand: happiness. In the end, Father, it is I who feel sorry for you, because you lived your life in shadows of hate and fear. Yes, I just said you were afraid.... You were afraid to open your heart, because you long since gave up on it. I'm sorry I'll never know why. And I'm sorry we will never fully understand one another."

"Draco? Sorry, mate, but we really should get going." Harry was at his side now, looking uncomfortably from Draco to the stone before him.

"Right." He wiped his face again, making sure there were no more tears. He looked again to the gray stone and walked down the hill beside Harry.

"So, are you ready to take the plunge?" Harry joked, clapping him on the back.

"After waiting ten years... I'm more than ready." He stopped and threw his arm around Harry's shoulders, pulling him into a hug.

"Whoa!" Harry stood in shock. "Here's a first, you sure you're all right there, mate?"

Draco laughed heartily and pulled away from Harry. "Can't a guy give his best man a manly hug on his wedding day?"

"When the man in question is Draco Galloway? No." Harry joined in his laughter.

"Well, things are changing, Harry. I'm not the same stoic, closed-off person. And if I want to hug someone, I'll bloody well hug them."

Harry gave him a sideways look. "Well, in that case, I'd better go on ahead and warn Ron. If you get the urge to hug him, he'll jinx you point blank." He laughed, and looked over his shoulder towards the grave of his friend's father. "You sure you're alright?"

Draco followed Harry's gaze. "Yes, I believe so."

"Good, then let's get going before the bride runs off, thinking you've stood her up!" He grinned and with a 'CRACK!' Disapparated.

Draco stared at the stone on the top of the hill for one more moment, and said, before Disapparating to his wedding, "Good-bye, Father."

~The End~

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