Not Just an Empty Emotion

Chapter 8-Finishing

Harry lay in his bed with a contented smile on his face. Although he did feel like crap with all the repetitive emotions and confusion whirling around like fireworks in his tired head, he had ignored them and done as Malfoy said: finished it off himself.

And it had been fantastic.

He heard the deep breathing of his Gryffindor friends through the darkness. The hangings of his bed rustled as he turned over, trying to find a position that was comfortable enough to allow him to sleep. He tried to expel the juxtaposed thoughts to somewhere he couldn't find them; for now at least, but it didn't work. He knew it must be about 2am, and he also knew that he would be in serious trouble if he fell asleep in class tomorrow. He considered the idea of putting a sleeping spell on himself but thought the better of it; last time he had tried that he'd fallen into such a deep sleep he hadn't woken until lunch-time, and moreover his head had fallen onto his bedside table, so that when he woke up he had a corner-shaped dent in his face.

He sighed and turned over again, trying to straighten his bed sheets with his feet as he did so, which were twisted like some kind of giant snake. As he settled once more, the hangings twitched again.

He hadn't done that.

He hadn't made them move.

His heart began to thud under his duvet. There were no windows open in the room to allow a breeze, and he had locked the door behind him-he always did. His paranoia that Lord Voldemort would walk into his room unexpectedly one night refused to leave him alone. The fact that The Dark Lord could easily just mutter Alohomora and step silently into the room didn't deter this habit.

The floorboards creaked and Harry sat up as silently as was humanly possible, a lump of fear rising in his throat.

Creak.

He positioned his hand carefully on the hangings preparing to rip them open suddenly. He was horribly aware that he was unarmed, and whoever it was creeping around the Gryffindor sixth years' dormitory at 2am would almost certainly have a wand with them.

Creak.

Harry ripped open the hangings and leapt deftly onto the floor looking wildly around to find the source of the noise.

Nothing. Then-

"Harry! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? You nearly made me shit myself, you bastard!"

"G-Ginny?" he stuttered, uncertainly.

"Yes! What were you doing?" said Ginny stepping lightly out of the shadows and into the thin rope of moonlight that lay across the floor.

"I was...um...I thought you were...bad," he finished lamely.

"Well, I'm not. I'm me. Now get back into bed."

Harry obeyed, praying that none of his roommates had heard the noise and woken up. He didn't want anyone thinking he was getting late-night visits. Especially from a girl. Or would it be worse if that visitor were...a boy?

Ginny perched on the end of his bed, reminding Harry of the night when they had first spoken about Malfoy and the events over the summer. He remembered how he had felt then.

"So," she said swiftly, without delay, "how did it go?"

"How did what go?" Harry asked innocently, immensely glad that it was dark, for his face was glowing.

Ginny didn't reply. Harry could sense her staring at him. Probably with her eyebrows raised...typical of her ways.

"Right, right, fine. You win. We talked. And.... we agreed."

"Agreed? Agreed on what?" Ginny pressed, urgently.

"On the fact that we're still friends."

She didn't say anything. Neither did he. The silence was so tense, and Harry was beginning to sweat-he knew he couldn't keep this act up for long. He didn't want to say anything but, being a girl he knew that Ginny would probably squeeze it out of him somehow, anyway. She knew he was lying to her.

"Don't fuck with me, Harry," she said quietly and dangerously, knowing it would have a far greater effect on him than simply begging. "Tell me everything."

Sighing resignedly he said, "Again. We did...it again."

"Again? Bloody hell, Harry".

"I know. It just happened."

"Don't give me that crap," she snapped, "these things don't just happen by accident, and you damn well know it. How did it happen, Harry?"

"We were saying goodbye...and he, Malfoy, he said 'Aren't I getting a goodnight kiss?' and...we did. In a classroom"

"What?! He provoked you into kissing him?"

"No, of course not! It was...mutual. Sort of. We didn't mean it." He sounded so pathetic that Ginny softened.

"Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"

"No. Not really. All I know is that I like him as a friend and he's a fucking good kisser."

"Harry!" Ginny hissed, half way between embarrassment and anger.

"Sorry," he grinned in the dark, "But it's true!"

Ginny smiled back at him. "You bastard," she said, lovingly.

He wrapped her arms around her and she returned the hug.

"But I love you, all the same," she whispered.

"Me too..."Harry said, astounded. He couldn't remember anyone saying that to him with such sincerity before...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry felt a sharp poke on his arm. "Argh...what the-huh?!"

Ron was looking at him with a smirk on his face. "Tired are we?" he asked, in a gloating voice.

"N-no...course not." Harry blinked and re-adjusted his glasses to bring Ron and the rest of the Potions class into clearer focus.

"Don't lie! I heard...last night. You came back really late, and then you had a girl in your bed!"

"No I-" he began loudly, earning himself a glare from Snape. He lowered his voice, "No I didn't. You were dreaming. Okay, I came back late but...no...no girl."

Snape stood up dangerously. "Do you really think, Mr Potter," he spat, "That I cannot tell when one of my students is asleep in my class? I doubt even you would be that stupid. I would have given you the benefit of the doubt. But I heard every word you and you little sidekick here spoke. You will serve detention with me tomorrow, at 6 pm in my office. I will make sure that you have no more late-night meetings with young ladies in your bed. Clear?"

Before he could stop himself, Harry said "Tomorrow? Why not toni-"

Snape glared at him, giving him such an evil look that Harry shut his mouth immediately. Whatever it was Harry was sure that it wasn't good. Something to do with the Order. He swallowed hard.

Ron glared at Snape, but said nothing. Once the potions master had sat back down the Slytherins' smirks turned into full-blown laughter. Snape didn't bat an eyelid.

Ron waved his wand towards them dangerously.

"Don't," warned Harry. "It's not worth it, Ron."

Reluctantly Ron put his wand down on the stained desk again and returned to his purple, foul-smelling potion.
Harry couldn't help noticing that Malfoy hadn't been laughing. In fact he didn't show any signs of noticing a confrontation at all. He looked deep in thought.

"So, who was the girl then, Harry?"

Harry gave Ron his worst look, and said "Say that one more time and that potion goes over you fucking head, okay?!"

But Ron went on about it all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy was in bed feeling very satisfied. Like Potter he wasn't sure what had happened or if it was a good thing, but for now all he cared about was that it had been fantastic.

Both before and after.

He didn't give a damn if he was gay, or bi or straight or any of it right now. He just knew that he was damn happy to be a teenager with a lust that seemed to be returned.

He tried to sleep, but it was useless. He was still buzzing from his encounter with Potter. And, if he was completely honest with himself, there was one, just one thing that was bothering him.

The fact that his lust was for Harry Sodding Potter.

Okay, they were friends. But that wasn't the point. You weren't meant to fall for your friend....moreover the friend you had hated for 16 years of your life...moreover again the friend who was certain to get you killed if anyone found out about the friendship.

Bollocks, he thought.

If his father was to ever find out about the...events...and the circumstances surrounding those events he would go mad. He'd blame his mother, as much as Draco himself. Draco didn't know what he would do, but it would be far worse, he would probably be angry enough to tell others...Death Eaters...possibly even Voldemort himself. Would he do that?

Draco knew the answer to that question almost immediately.

Yes, because he's a sick, unforgiving BASTARD! Draco thought wildly, trying his hardest not to shout it out in the middle of the night in his Dorm.

And if Voldemort himself found out...he couldn't bare to think of it. Torture...then, eventually death. And it would be something far, far worse than Avarda Kedarvra...for his crime at least. Not only was he possibly gay...but the lust within him was for the very worst person imaginable.

And what would he do to Potter? Worse? Or just simple death?

There were far too many questions for Draco to answer right now.

Before his conscious-self noticed, his mind began to wander...

He imagined what it would be like if he and Potter were...boyfriends. He imagined all the secrecy...all the lies, all the stolen moments in classrooms. His mind played out a sequence.

They went up some stairs to a long corridor which Draco recognised, and then through a door- it was the Room of Requirement. There was a roaring fire, and a large bed. Harry shut the door and kissed Draco, groping at his body. As the moved onto the bed their clothes were suddenly in piles on the floor and Draco felt ravenous...they touched each others' nervous bodies...

Through the haze of the vision in front of his eyes Draco became aware that, once again, he was growing hard. He tried to ignore it, but with the vision refusing to leave him it was impossible.

And before he knew what was happening there he was once again.

Finishing off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry sat in the great hall pushing the remains of his dinner around his plate. He was vaguely aware of Ron and Hermione talking to him, their voices droning on in his ears. They seemed not to notice that he wasn't paying attention to them, that he didn't care about his homework and that he didn't, in fact, care about anything.

The happiness and satisfaction he had felt the night before had now all but drained from his body. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was upon him once more, but this time coupled with the weight of boredom.

Only Ginny seemed to notice his mood. She kept glancing over the table with concerned looks-she guessed what was going on in his mind. She remembered the emotions she had felt when she first realised she had feelings for girls as well as boys, and as a result felt desperately sorry for Harry. But, she thought, I didn't have to face falling for Malfoy...

She caught Harry's eye and gave him a small smile, which he tried to return. He could see Malfoy take his wand from his sleeve as secretly as he possibly could. He waved it once and muttered something under his breath. Nothing happened. No sign of magic.

Harry looked down and went back to his task of pushing his food around. But he noticed something strange. Slowly and subtly the food was moving itself. He watched, stunned, as it formed itself into a pattern, then, incredibly, into words. Words which read:

P,

Meet me in yesterday's Room 15 minutes,

M.

Harry stared in amazement. "Yesterday's room" obviously meant the room at the top of the marble staircase they had been in the previous night....meet Malfoy there in 15 minutes...

Shit! He thought desperately. How could he possibly face him? What if it happened again? But he'd have to go...how could he not...it wouldn't be fair.

Suddenly, he stood up form the table, interrupting Hermione mid-flow. He turned on his heel and strode from he hall, his face set.

From across the hall Malfoy looked after him, an inconceivable expression on his face, and his mind now riddled with worry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco was slumped against the wall in "yesterday's room" with his robes wrapped around him for warmth. Harry hadn't turned up. And it didn't look as though he was going to-he was over half an hour late. Draco was cold and miserable, denying his tears freedom across his cheeks.

He knew it was no good waiting for Potter-he had made it clear that he wasn't going to turn up. Standing up slowly he cursed Potter for being such a bastard and screwing with his life. He walked purposefully towards the door, and reached for his wand to unlock it.

But before he had even extracted his wand the door flew open with a loud Crash! and Draco was thrown backwards into the solid wall. The door slammed shut again, and in front of it now appeared a haze, as that of a heat-haze, and suddenly Harry Potter materialised from nowhere, and threw something into the dark corner of the room where Draco couldn't see.

"Where the fuck have you b-"

Before Draco could finish his sentence Harry had walked towards him, embraced him and kissed him fiercely on the lips.

Draco was taken aback. His breath caught in his chest and his eyes closed in ecstasy, his mind was filled with visions, as his whole body began to tremble. It lasted only a matter of seconds, but to Draco it seemed like a fabulous eternity. When Potter pulled away Draco's eyed remained closed-wishing to save that moment forever-Potter had kissed him...of his own free will.

"This has gone far enough Malfoy. We need to sort this out now."

Draco didn't speak for a moment, but then- "I know. But I don't know what you want."

"I want a friend. A male friend. But not necessarily a lover."

Draco swallowed, "I-I don't know what I want. But...it wasn't what I used to want. I used to want to get a girl, to please my father and live up to my family's name. But since.... you know, the summer, I've changed my mind about that. And then there was what happened between us. That's changed things too."

"In what way?"

Draco didn't answer. He looked determinedly at the floor.

"Are you gay?" asked Potter.

Draco didn't answer. He was still in denial.

"Malfoy? Answer me. I need to know. I don't care weather you are or not, it doesn't affect our friendship. What I've found with you is great, I never knew I could trust you, as far as I was concerned you were always the bastard that screwed up my life, day-in, day-out. Do you really think that after we've made promises to each other, and shared what we have, that I'd give a flying fuck what sexuality you were? I'll accept you either way. It doesn't change who you are, and it doesn't change our relationship. We're what we are and no guy or girl will ever change that, I hope. Please Malfoy, just tell me. I need to know."

"Why? If it doesn't affect us why do you need to know?"

"Because what happened happened to me too."

Silence.

"Malfoy?" Potter urged.

"Uh...I don't...I mean...maybe. I think...both?" Draco stuttered. Ashamed of himself.

"Right..." said Harry quietly. He didn't know what else to say. What do you say when someone admits something like that to you? How do you reply?

"What about you?" Draco glanced at potter, "Are you?"

Potter seemed to be scared of his answer, he didn't want to talk. "No," he said finally. "No, I'm not. But it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings for you...in a friendship way."

"Are you sure? I mean...why did you just kiss me?" Draco chocked.

"I...don't know," said Potter, astounded, "I just...it felt like the right thing to do. Malfoy, I don't know if I'm ready to decide who I fancy just yet. I need more time. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Draco breathed. "But-Potter, you can always um...talk with me. You know that?"
"Of course. And I take it you will talk to me?"

"I don't know if I want to tell anyone else just yet..."

"I understand."

They looked at each other, their eyes meeting in the shadows of the room. Potter embraced Draco again, before summoning something from the corner of the room and disappearing through the door.

Draco backed against the wall, breathing heavily. He had tried to deny what he felt, but it was too much, his back met the wall and he slumped down. "Thank you," he whispered. Burying his face in his hands he wept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry Potter was climbing into bed, just as Draco Malfoy was wiping the last of the tears from his cheeks.

Neither was content, and neither was looking forward to their next meeting, whenever that might be. Harry pulled his bedclothes around him more tightly, as a comfort blanket against the pain of what he had just had to do. Draco raised his wand to perform the Alohomora charm to open the locked door.
Suddenly something clutched at both their hearts-something cold, yet which, at the same time, burned so deeply it made them want to scream. They couldn't breathe, they were dizzy...they were on the floor writhing in sheer agony.

Harry suddenly knew what Snape's business involved, and he didn't like it. No sound escaped his mouth, he was unable to call for help.

As suddenly as it had reached out to them the grip was released, and both boys became aware of their life once again. The pain was still unbearable, but both staggered to their feet, and ran as fast as they could. They had to find each other.

It looked as though their next meeting would come sooner than either would have wished.