Not Just an Empty Emotion

Chapter 6-Stern Words and Trial

Harry awoke early the next morning to find his four-poster's hangings were open and the early morning sun blazing through the gap. He blinked groggily for a few seconds before rubbing his eyes. When he opened them again he saw none other than a fully dressed Ginny Weasley sitting on the end of his bed.

"What the hell?" he yawned, "What are you doing up so early? More to the point what are you doing here so early?"

"Good morning yourself, Harry!" she said, indignantly, "I've come to take you for a walk."

Harry groaned. He knew that by saying 'a walk' girls usually meant trekking three times around the lake and chatting about his problems. "Why?" he asked, "We said all we needed to last night, didn't we?"

"Yes. We said all we needed to last night. But not this morning. This morning we need to talk again."

Harry didn't ask her to elaborate; he knew that even if he objected there was no way of getting Ginny to change her mind.

****

He met Ginny in the Entrance Hall fifteen minutes later. She gave him a stack of toast to eat on the way, and they set off. At first they walked in silence. The air was cold, and an icy breeze was pushing its way through the forest to reach them. Harry could hear their feet crunching the frozen dew on the grass beneath them.

"So?" Ginny said after a while.

Harry was bewildered, "So what?"

"What have you decided?"

"I haven't decided anything. Like you said, I'll sort it out in my own time, and when I do you will probably be the first to know."

"So you're not going to tell anyone else then?"

"I thought I told you last night? There's no way I can tell Ron or Hermione, not yet anyway. I mean, I know they'd understand, at least...I think they would...but I need to sort it out first. In my own head, you know?"

"I know." She said, bending down to scratch the giant squid that had just appeared, floating on the surface of the lake, "But isn't there anyone else you can talk to?"

"Like who? My Aunt and Uncle? That'd be a fun letter,

Dear Aunt Petunia,

Sorry to drop an owl on you like this but I have a problem. I think I might be gay. But I might not, I don't know yet. Can you help me through my teenage trauma please?

Harry.

PS, has Dudley ever been confused about his sexuality?

No Ginny...I don't think so somehow!"

She laughed, and then said, "OK, point taken. Perhaps not them. And I don't suppose you'd be willing to talk to anyone else in Gryffindor? Or...the teachers?"

"You'd be damn right in supposing that Ginny, Hell will freeze over before I go to Snape with my problems...."

Both now fell silent, and continued munching on their toast. Harry seemed to be deep in thought, whereas Ginny looked as though she was daring herself to say something else.

She took a deep breath and said, "And...what about...well, what are you going to do about Malfoy?"

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. Swallowing his toast he said, in a quiet voice, "What about him?"

"What are you going to do about him?"

"I don't get what you mean."

"Well...what are you going to say when you see him?"

He closed his eyes. "Ohhh.... do I have to see him?" he moaned.

"Of course you do, don't be stupid you go to the same school and have half of your lessons together. And you're saying he's your sort-of friend now. If you are...well...if you do get attracted to guys then you might not be able to..." she tailed off.

"What do you mean?" Harry said, dangerously.

"Oh...Harry, I don't mean anything like that I just mean...well...he is attractive even I have to admit that and I hate the bastard-I know you say he's on our side now, but I have to see it for myself Harry, so don't yell like that-and you did kiss each other and that's usually a sign you like someone so maybe...I don't know. Maybe you are attracted to him..."

"I am NOT attracted to him!" Harry yelled. Several birds were scared out of their hiding places in the reeds and went skidding across the lake. "I don't hate him any more, but there is no way I'm attracted to him!"

"Well I'm sorry, Harry, but it doesn't seem that way to me! Just tell me what you're going to say to him."

"Why can't he say something to me first? How do you know he isn't gay?"

"I don't. He might be for all we know. Someone's got to make the first move. Do you want him to go back to the dark side?"

"No," he replied at once, "Of course not, but-"

"Well then. You're going to have to talk to him then, aren't you?"
Harry clenched his teeth. Girls had a way of manipulating you to say what they wanted you to. He had to admit they were bloody good at it.... he couldn't stay angry with Ginny for long though.

"So go on then, Miss Clever, what do you propose I do? How do I get him to talk to me?"

"I've already though of that, mate."

God, she was quick.

"Go on then."

"Well, this term he doesn't seem to be as...well...attached to Crab and Goyle as before-"

"That'll be because he's realised what they are" Harry interjected.

Ginny glared at him until he was quiet. "So because he isn't with them anymore he seems to like spending time in the library. Reading. I don't know what, but always the same book. Anyway, I am there almost every night researching something or other for these OWLs, so I know what goes on. There's only ever him and me in there. Never anyone else, unless Hermione comes to get some peace from you two."

"Very nice, Ginny. But what's that got to do with me?"

"Well...say...on Monday night if you go there and pretend to be revising, you're sure to catch each other's eye sometime. It's not like he will have forgotten what happened between you. And he will want to know if you still trust him or not."

"I do trust him. And what about you? You said you go every night?"

"I'm sure I can miss one night's work, Harry. I don't intent to become like Hermione this early on in the year..."

Harry laughed, nervously. They had circled the lake four times now, and were almost frozen to the inside of their cloaks. Ginny grabbed his arm and steered him towards the castle.

Once inside the warmth of the Great Hall Harry put the plan for Monday night to the back of his mind. After all, he thought, it's only Saturday now, I've got two whole days of fun filled homework before I have to worry about him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco woke up late. He looked at his watch, whose display read "09:54".

"Shit," he said, flopping his head back onto his pillow as everything came flooding back to him. He was hungry. He'd not eaten anything the day before and he could feel his stomach churning, longing for food, just as he longed for his problems to be gone. After a few more minutes with only his growling stomach for company he heaved himself off his bed and began to dress.

Something was different.

At first he wasn't quite sure what. But the he realised. He was lighter. The worry about weather Potter would believe him, and about his father had left him. He also suspected that it had something to do with the fact that Voldemort was no longer inside his mind-he had felt the bastard's feelings within him evaporate completely as soon as his lips touched Potter's....

"Piss off," he said out loud to the thought. "I don't need you. I need to work out my problems."

He had somehow resolved, in his sleep, that whatever happened would happen. If he found himself attracted to another boy then so be it. He was attracted to him. If it was a girl, then that was fine too. As long as the boy wasn't Potter...his dreams that night had been full of questions last night. I had been as though he were being examined by himself. He was asking himself questions. Why did you kiss Potter? Do you fancy him? Over and over again. Each time he had answered, "I don't know!" because he didn't. But he had managed to convince himself that he didn't fancy Potter. That they were just colleagues in their fight against Voldemort. And that was all they would ever be.

Harder to answer was why he kissed the boy in the first place. He had no idea. Maybe he was desperate...maybe he was confused? That was the only explanation, that his emotions had confused him and somehow what had happened happened. All that really mattered to Draco was that it never happened again.

Like Harry, though, Draco was dreading the time when they had to come face-to-face. It was inevitable.

When he had dressed he exited the common room and walked up the three flights of stairs to the Great Hall. At its entrance he stopped abruptly, as though he had just walked into a wall. What if Potter was in there? What if they saw each other? What if they passed each other? Would they speak?

"No, Draco. Stop it," he told himself firmly, under his breath, "Don't be so pathetic. There are certain Malfoy trademarks it would do to hang on to." He steadied himself mentally, and then took a step forward into the Hall. He couldn't help it- he had to look. His eyes swept the Gryffindor table.

Draco gasped in horror and leaped back. Potter was in there with Granger and Weasel and Weasel's sister. They were standing up.

The second he registered in his head who he was seeing a massive shock travelled the length of his body, and all the blood drained from his face, making him look paler than ever.

He hid from view of the Hall, leaning his hand on one of the huge oak doors that had been thrown open. Taking a steadying breath he tried to regain his composure. Damn, he thought, this is so ridiculous. I can't even go in to get my breakfast without him being there...bastard. I'll have to wait until he comes out. Bloody Hell!

He did not have long to wait, just minutes later Harry strolled out of the Hall, his three friends by his side. Draco looked at his face. He looked okay...but Draco saw deeper than that. He saw that Harry was feeling almost exactly the same as he was. The same guilt, the same panic, the same frustration about the day before was present in his eyes.

What Draco didn't notice, of perhaps refused to notice, was that when he had seen Potter, his heart had given a small leap of excitement, and his knees had gone weak.

He strolled into the Hall, fixing his trademark arrogant look on his face. He flicked his robes out behind him as he sat down at the table in between Crabbe and Goyle.

"Morning boys", he drawled.

"Hi. Where've you been?"

"In bed. Sleeping."

"Oh." That seemed to satisfy the huge thugs.

Draco pushed Potter to the back of his mind as he loaded jam onto his toast. Potter was history, as far as he was concerned. Gone. The memory was erased. All he had to worry about was finding a lover now...

When he pushed Harry to the back of his mind he forgot to erase one thing: The thing that he was now most pissed off about was that his first proper kiss had been with Harry Potter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weekend seemed to speed by for Harry. He got most of his homework done, including a long and very boring essay on Porlock blood for Snape, and an equally trying set of calculations for Flitwick.

He had chosen to take Charms, Transfiguration, Potions and Defence against the Dark Arts for NEWT level. Professor McGonagall had suggested that these would be most helpful in his pursuit of a career as an auror. For their first year studying NEWT courses, all the students also had to take Herbology as a compulsory subject. Harry was not complaining, it was a fairly interesting subject, and besides, he was quite good at it.

Although he had only just scraped an "E" in Potions (due, in Harry's opinion, to his fame earning him extra marks from the examiner), he had still managed to get into Snape's potions class. The whole school was in uproar about it. No one knew why Harry had got into the class; it was traditionally a very small class, not due to the fact that very few people got "O"s, but due to the fact that no one liked Snape. Harry, though, had thought it best not to argue when Professor McGonagall had told him that he would be in the lesson. After all he needed the qualification and he also suspected that Dumbledore and McGonagall had had some sort of input in persuading Snape to take an "E" student.

Late on Sunday evening, after dinner, an owl fluttered on top of Harry's finished Transfiguration homework and deposited a letter. Harry ripped it open, somewhat unenthusiastically.

Dear Mr Potter, [it read]

Please come and see me in my office immediately. You are not in trouble.

Prof. M. McGonagall.

"Oookay..." He said to Ron and Hermione, "I have to see McGonagall...I don't know how long I'll be..."

Ron looked thunderstruck, "Oh no! What if it's about that exploding eraser I gave you? I didn't expect the blast to be that forceful...I mean, Neville wasn't hurt was he?"

Harry laughed, "No, don't worry, she reckons I'm not in trouble..."

Despite the written assurances of this, he still approached the Deputy Head's office with caution. He smoothed his robes and tried (and failed) to persuade his hair to behave before knocking twice on the door. At once Professor McGonagall's sharp voice called out, "Come in."

He opened the door and stepped inside.

"You said you wanted to see me, Professor?"

"Yes, Potter, I did. Please sit."

He obeyed. She did not hesitate before saying, "Now, Mr Potter, as I am sure you are aware, the new Quidditch season is almost upon us."

"Yes," he replied, "Who's the new captain?"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You have been a member of Gryffindor Quidditch team since your first year here, and only once have you failed to catch the snitch-" Harry's insides squirmed, he didn't need reminding of that. "-Your loyalty and dedication to the team has been somewhat outstanding. The small glitch with...that woman last year was only a minor setback.

"As you have so kindly pointed out to me, Gryffindor Team currently have no captain. I would therefore like you to follow in your father's footsteps, and would like to offer you the job."

Harry sat in silence. He didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth a few times, before spluttering, "I-I don't...um, well...I've got a lot-" a happy bubble was trying to inflate inside him, but it kept getting punctured by thoughts of Voldemort and his NEWTs.

"I realise this, Mr Potter. You have enough on your plate at the moment, and Professor Dumbledore agrees with me. I have therefore taken the liberty of dividing the captaincy of the team. Miss Weasley?"

Suddenly, out of the shadows, the small figure of Ginny Weasley stepped, a grin across her face. "Hi, Harry," she said.

"Hi," he replied, astonished.

"I am aware that Miss Weasley has only been on the team for a year, however she is an excellent player and has the skills needed for captaincy. As you are now part of the team again, Miss Weasley is now a Chaser. Will you accept, Mr Potter?"

Harry looked at Ginny, who smiled. He grinned back and said, "Of course I will!"

Professor McGonagall beamed at him, "Congratulations, Harry," she said, leaning over the desk and shaking both his and Ginny's hands.

****

McGonagall briefed the two new captains on their new position. Ten minutes later they exited the room, broad grins on both their faces.

"Wow," Ginny said.

"Wow indeed! I can't believe it!" Harry exclaimed.

Ginny caught his arm and said, "We've got a lot of work to do, Harry..."

"I know, but we can be partners in crime." He grinned.

"Sure, why not. After all, we come as a package professionally and personally now!"

They laughed and embraced each other tightly before Ginny said, "Party? Gryffindor common room?"

And Harry replied, "Hell, yeah!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up with a thumping headache. Butterbeer may not be strong but 'special deliveries' from Fred and George Weasley were obviously not what they first seemed. He dragged himself out of bed, got dressed and washed, and traipsed to the Great Hall for breakfast.

He had just taken a huge gulp of coffee when someone hit him on the back and sat down next to him.

"Gooooooood Morning!" they said.

Harry looked, his eyes watering, to see who it was. "Oh, hi, Ron," He choked through the coffee.

"How are you today?"

"Crap. There is not one part of today worth being alive for...Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology and a Potions Study Period. Great. And then I-" he stopped, aware he was just about to reveal his secret about meeting Malfoy.

"Then you what?" asked Ron, suspiciously.

"Then I.... have to go and do some Potions homework in the Library later."

"Oh..." Ron looked down, "Want me to come and keep you company?"

"No, thanks, but it's a really hard potion and I won't be able to concentrate with you blasting fart charms at anyone who comes past the table." Harry lied smoothly, with a small grin. "Why don't you get Hermione to help you with your Transfiguration essay? She's done hers, and you say you can't do it. It might get you more than an "A" if she helps!"

"Yeah, I suppose so..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was trembling all over. There was no denying it, he was terrified. He was heading towards the library to try and talk to Malfoy. His heart was beating painfully fast as he place his hand on the door handle of the library. Taking a deep breath he turned it and stepped inside. He walked through the rows, to the set of tables near the far corner. He caught sight of Madam Pince leaving her office towards the staff room.

The he saw him. The boy. The guy who had been haunting his dreams more than ever since last Friday. Draco Malfoy was sitting at one of the wooden tables, pouring over an old volume, his hands gripping his silky blond hair.

Harry's heart began to beat even faster. He put his books down on a desk and opened them. Every now and then he would steal a look at Malfoy. Still the other boy seemed not to have noticed him.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours to Harry, but in reality it was probably only about twenty minutes. With each second that passed Harry grew more and more nervous, not daring to speak, wishing Malfoy would look up. All the time disappointed.

A violent gust of mind rattled the windowpanes. Harry saw Malfoy was agitated, he was failing in his quest to concentrate on his book, every so often he would sigh. The wind creeping in through gaps in the old windows rustled his hair. Malfoy shivered, and looked up. Their eyes met for a second before Malfoy shut his book with a slam. Both their hearts were pounding in their mouths.

"Potter!" Malfoy whispered.