Girl Talk

Girl Talk

Hermione entered the Gryffindor Common Room, looking stressed out, and frowning slightly. She scanned the room, and smiled slightly upon seeing her friend, the person whom she was looking for, in the left corner reading a magazine. Ginny Weasley had always been a considerable beauty between the Gryffindors. For one, she could blend in with the crowd, but still be impressive enough to get all the masculine attention. Ginevra was called by her enemies a vixen, but the girl really didn't mind it at all. She found it quite ironic, because deep down she was nothing of the sorts. She wasn't a vixen, she just liked boys. She always claimed she'd settle down upon finding the perfect one. Hermione sometimes wished she could be like her, but she had not been born with that talent. She sighed, and went to Ginny's place, slouched in an armchair and looked at the girl with a 'this-is-my-upset-face' look. Ginny half-smiled and nodded to the stairs leading towards the Girls' Dormitories. Indeed, this was a private matter.

Hermione nodded in acceptance, and followed the younger girl to her dormitory. Once there, they sat on Ginny's bed, pulled the curtains, and placed a Silencing Charm on them. The redhead crouched down and looked under her bed, pulling up a box of strawberry filled chocolate. She opened it, and looked at Hermione. They were settled for a girl talk.

"Now, tell Guru Ginny what your problem is," the young girl said.

"Remember Viktor?" Hermione started, but was interrupted.

"Of course I remember Viktor! Everybody remembers Viktor! You can hardly forget someone who walks and talks like a duck."

"Ahem. As I was saying. Remember I told you he stopped writing after I finally visited him in Bulgaria, last summer?"

"Yeah, I remember. It's been what, a month?"

"Two. He just wrote me a letter."

"Oh, juicy! Tell, tell!"

Hermione took out a letter from her pocket, and started to read:

"Dear Hermione,--thank God you can't mispronounce it in letters--I am sorry that I have ignored you these past days--"

"Days? Try months, bub!"

"These past days, but I had to think about our situation--"

"He sure is a sloooow thinker."

"Ginny let me read?"

"Okay, sorry. I'm quiet."

"I had a great time with you those few weeks you visited. You see, I was under the impression that if I paid more attention to you, it would only lead to something more, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to."

"Do you think he's gay?"

"GINNY!"

"Quiet as a tomb!"

"I still am not sure now--"

"So he doesn't act being retarded, he actually is!"

"Ginevra Molly Weasley, do you or do you not want me to read this?"

"Read, read."

"Still not sure now, but I do want to talk with you. I'm visiting Scotland this week, do you want to meet me in Hogsmeade for a drink or two?"

"A drink or two? Who does he think he is, with a drink or two?"

"A celebrity. It ends there. Typical sincerely yours, blah, blah, blah. What do you think?"

"You mean beside the fact that he a retard?"

"Yeah, beside that."

"I think you should go."

"What?"

"I. Think. You."

"I know what you said, I meant, why?"

"Hermione, do you really want to end up as an old fraud? You have to have more boyfriends! Get out more!"

"Here we go again. It's the every week Encourage Hermione in Having a Social Life," she muttered bored.

"What you should do is...use him."

If Hermione would've been eating something, she would've choked on it. "Use him?" she asked bewildered.

"Yes! Keep him as a spare! Go to him and say: I want you NOW, take it or leave it! And then never speak to him again."

"Oh bloody hell, what have I gotten myself into?" Hermione mumbled quietly.

"Guys are stupid, Hermione. They think that thing is sexy, they LOVE it. Make a guy think you hate him, and then grab him and kiss him, he'll be at your feet!"

"Right."

"Be a bitch. They love it!"

"I am a bitch Ginny. But I'm a loner, my best friends are boys, and when I'm in front of a guy I like I tend to blush furiously, and splutter like Daffy Duck."

"Then problem solved! You won't splutter and blush in front of Viktor, because you have to be an idiot to actually like that guy. But if you act as Daffy Duck, he might like you, him being like a duck and all. Who's Daffy Duck anyway?"

"Muggle cartoon."

"Ah," she answered, not mentioning she had no idea what cartoons were, because Hermione looked too helpless to have to worry about explaining it to her. She'd probably study it in Muggle Studies anyway.

"Look, Gin', I just don't fit in this sort of things. I'm much too weak for it, plus I never attract any boy. The only boys ever attracted to me were Duck Man and a wanker from nursery."

"You're right. Crushing men is my territory. But I could teach you how to get boyfriends."

"I'll pass," she whispered, but it passed unnoticed.

"THEN, I'll teach you how to crush them as well."

"Something tells me I would've been better off not coming here." Another sentence that passed unheard.

"The first thing to do before getting a boy is remembering our code: B.A.S."

"Huh?"

"Boys are stupid. You can place boys into two categories. The first is the P.T. boys. And the second one is the P.T.B.A.L.B."

"Again, huh?"

"P.T., Play-things. P.T.B.A.L.B., possible to be a loveable boy."

"Oh, man."

"Next thing you have to is work on the strategy."

"Are we getting men, or playing chess?"

"Hush. Now, if the boy falls under the play-thing category, there is a certain strategy to follow."

"Why don't you just give me the book and I'll get in touch tomorrow?"

"ANYWAY, there's this strategy."

"Do not like the look on your face."

"Oh you'll love this. So listen, if the boy's a future play-thing you have many options. First is the angry way. You glare at him all the time, and pretend he should know why. Few days after complete silence, you go after him and act weepy, and say I'm so sorry. I'm so confused. I was so angry, because you wouldn't notice. And well. And you kiss him, and run away, he'll be confused. And, whamo! A guy to your list. Never failed me."

"What if the guy answers with anger?"

"You use it. You glare at him coyly, as if you own him."

"Glare coyly, is that even physically possible?"

"Not important. Anyway, you get up, and go to where he is, lean and whisper into his ear Stop looking at me as if you want to eat me...an eat me already."

"Ginny, you know I can't do that!"

"Listen, listen! Afterwards, you curl your hand around his neck, and scrape your nails barely over it, and kiss him just below his ear. Then you walk away a-swinging your hips, and not looking back."

"Why not?"

"He'll know you're worried about his reaction. You want to make him think you don't give a flying fuck, right? You don't look back."

"Ron would have a heart attack if he knew this."

"Maybe I should tell him someday, for a laugh." The girls laughed together, imagining Ron's reaction. They settled down a few minutes after, and resumed the talk.

"Ah, this is my favourite! Never failed me."

"No tactic ever failed you."

"What can I say, I'm that good."

"No, you just got boobs, so guys look at them and not at me."

"No, no, no. Look here," Ginny said, handling something under her robes. "This is my cleavage," she handled some more under her robes. "And THIS is my cleavage with a wonder-bra."

"Oh. Em...you were saying something about a second strategy?"

"Eh? Oh yeah. The second one is my favourite. You start ignoring him, except for casual touches, and some whispered suggestions. A week later you corner him against a wall and whisper sultrily into his ear I'm getting tired of these games. You nibble his ear, and finish by pressing a hand against his hip with your thumb just below the bone and say The ball, here's where you press, is in your court...you know where to find me. You glare at him and leave, not looking back. He'll be dieing to find out what you want.

"Either that or he'll run and spread the news that you're a scarlet woman."

"Possible, but I bet on the first one. If he doesn't come to you, you find someone else, and kiss him in front of the first one, showing him what he's missing."

"And if he comes back?"

"You ignore him. Remember he's a play-thing, you're not interested, just playing."

"How do you live knowing boys fantasize about you?"

"I'm very proud, actually. I promised myself a crown with the inscription Seduction Queen on it," she beamed proudly, striking a pose.

"This still doesn't solve Duck Man's problem. So do I go see him or don't I? And why am I even calling him Duck Man?!"

"Forget about Ducky! After all I've taught you, you're ready for the big ones, girl! Think, in some days you could be the centre of Adrian Pucey's attention. Or of that Zabini bloke. Or Malfoy's even!"

"So...ditching Duck Man then?"

"Ah, yeah, definitely."

"You know Gin? I learned two things in this conversation."

"Really? What?" she asked, nibbling on a tablet of chocolate.

"One, that boys are stupid. And two, that Ron would be surprised if he'd know what his little sister does to boys."

"What can I say?" she asked, throwing her head back in pride.

Hermione answered in the same time as Ginny, "I just that good."

End