I Loved You More

Chapter #18

Aching Mind

Tara hopped into the peaceful common room on her left foot and threw herself down on the couch where Lily sat studying her Potions notes. Lily bounced up a bit from the impact of Tara's ungraceful landing on the cushion and her collection of notes slid off her lap. She sighed as she bent over to pick them up.

"Can I ask you why you were hopping on one foot?" inquired Lily as she settled back into her studying, though now she was quite distracted.

"Sure," replied Tara.

Lily stared at her for a moment then rolled her eyes.

"Why were you hopping on one foot?" she asked exasperatedly.

"I'm sick of plain old walking," explained Tara with a shrug. She stretched out on the couch and put her head on Lily's lap.

"Well, I'm tired of studying," said Summer from where she sat on the rug looking at her Arithmancy textbook.

"Then don't," said Tara, pushing each of her shoes off with her toes and letting them fall to the floor.

Summer yawned. "Of course...and I'll just stop getting out of bed in the morning because that is such a hassle as well."

"Blimey, Sum, you're just full of cheer today, aren't you?" Tara retorted, reaching out with her foot and kicking Summer's book shut.

"Don't you have any homework, Tara?" asked Lily, holding her notes to the side to look down at her friend.

"Oh, don't pester me with that. I'll do it later," Tara said, scrunching up her nose at the thought and brushing it away with a wave of her hand.

"Good philosophy," remarked a smooth voice from nearby.

Lily looked to the side and wasn't surprised to see James standing there, smirking down at her.

"What do you want, Potter?" asked Lily offhandedly as she focused again on her work.

There was a pause before he said, "Hmm...what do I want? Well, there's quite a few things on the list you see. First of all, I want you to go out with me. I want my detentions to be cancelled. I want the Chudley Cannons to win. I want-"

"Get to the point, Potter," snapped Lily tersely.

"...I want you to look at me."

Tara banged her head significantly against Lily's legs. Lily let out an exaggerated sigh and unwillingly turned her head.

"What is it, Potter?" she asked grudgingly.

James grinned and crouched down, nudging Lily's elbow off of the arm of the couch so that he could lean his arm on it. He stared directly at her.

"I just wanted to tell you what I had planned for tonight's practice. You all ready?" said James, still grinning.

Lily nodded, trying to hold her mouth in a frown though his continuous grin was beginning to inch its way into her, like sunlight reaching into a shadowy corner.

"All right then. I want the team to really work on their flying skills. Make them do plenty of drills with speed and dodging," he told her. "Slytherin's got Chad Nott Chasing and from what I've heard, he's supposed to be quite good at making sharp turns. Don't forget to practice those jabs I showed you last practice. Be sure our back-up Chaser is there in case Diana doesn't get back in time for the match." He lowered his voice slightly. "Have you heard from her?"

"Yes, we got an owl from her a few days ago," answered Lily, not sure why she was whispering. "She said she'll be back by Friday at the latest."

"Good," he replied. Then his satisfied expression faltered. "But- do you think she'll be ready to play?" James asked, looking at Lily worriedly.

"I'm sure she'll want to get back to her normal life...so yes," said Lily.

He nodded and there was a brief silence between them.

"About that list of things I want...Any chance I might get that first one?" he asked, smirking hopefully at her.

Lily looked at him and had to force herself to squeeze a scowl on her face.

"None whatsoever."

Summer giggled, watching James and Lily converse from where she lay. James simply ran a hand through his hair and lifted a corner of his mouth indifferently as if to say, "You wait."

"Goodbye, Potter," said Lily briskly.

James smiled at her and stood up. "Don't worry, Evans, I was just leaving. See you girls later."

He slowly meandered out of the common room, failing or refusing to notice a group of sixth-year girls who were calling to him giddily.

"You have to hand it to him, Lil," remarked Tara. "The kid doesn't give up."

"Unfortunately," said Lily shortly.

"Do you really want him to?" asked Summer.

"What are you talking about? Of course I do," Lily admonished quickly, finally looking away from the parchment in front of her to show Summer the disgusted expression on her face.

"Well, it would be a big change," Summer said as she took a quill out of her bag.

"I would manage to adjust, trust me," Lily replied wryly. "Anyone want to quiz me on these notes?"

Tara obliged and the girls continued working until Lily saw that it was time to leave for the Quidditch pitch after glancing at her watch.

She walked with Andrew Barry and Anna Linde to the locker rooms and finished changing early so that she would have some time to prepare. The air was brisk and cold and the snow crunched under her feet but a quick Heating spell warmed her up. She found some extra brooms in the shed and levititated them high into the air around the darkened pitch to create an obstacle course.

When the rest of the team was ready, she joined them in several quick laps around the floating brooms. Then Lily began working with them on dodging Bludgers and people.

The practice was nearly over when James arrived, and he immediately began bouncing around the pitch on his Cleansweep, whirling and looping impressively as he chased after the Snitch in the dark.

Lily rolled her eyes and thought to herself that it would be nice to see him fall and injure himself for once just to shrink his ego. She was grateful that the usual gang of girls wasn't there to gush over his Quidditch skills. They probably hadn't known to follow him from his detention, Lily thought.

James whizzed by, waving at her just before he reached out and wrapped his fingers around the Snitch, glinting gold in the starlight.

She turned her broom pointedly around and flew in the other direction.

* * *

"Lily Evans."

Lily looked around for the source of the cool, sullen voice. Clive Pritchard was standing in the corner of the corridor with Rab Lestrange and Chad Nott. His shadowy eyes grazed over her, beckoning.

She fell out of step with Tara and moved over to him.

"Well, you know Rab," he said, arching his eyebrow vaguely. Then with his eyes, he led hers over to Nott. "This is Chad."

"You're that Chaser for Gryffindor," said Chad in a snapping voice, sneering at her.

Lily loftily considered him with pronounced indifference, hoping to impress Clive with her aloofness. Then she turned back to Clive and had a difficult time deciding what to say.

"Er...How are you?" she tried.

He gave a tiny shrug. "Do you want to do something?"

The pattern of his eyes seemed to change from lazy unconcern to showing the first tint of energy Lily had ever seen in Clive. Or maybe it was simply the light. She couldn't tell.

"Practice is in ten minutes," said Lily, scowling as though it was such a burden to have to go play Quidditch. "It ends at ten. Meet me then?" she asked, trying to sound as though she always met boys at ten o'clock at night.

Clive took a step toward her, his face, as always, completely unmoving, and nodded.

Lily felt as though she were being swallowed entirely by his dark, dark eyes. Strangely enough, it was rather relieving.

* * *

Lily lit her wand to read her watch through the darkness as she floated above her teammates in the pitch. She was sure they had been practicing longer than two hours.

Suddenly someone swooped around her from below and leveled their broomstick with hers. It was James...of course.

"How's practice going?" he asked excitedly. "McGonagall let me off a bit early tonight."

"Lovely," replied Lily tonelessly. "It's going fine. Anna's been doing particularly well tonight...only let the Quaffle in twice, I believe. Jamal is getting good at those fakes and Andrew was...Potter?"

James was peering at something down below.

"Who's that? Some spy from Slytherin likely," snarled James, looping downward to get a closer look at the black figure that had wandered into the pitch to sit in the stadium.

Lily swept down next to James and followed his gaze. An odd feeling overtook her as she realized who it was. The lights of the stadium stretched out, dimly illuminating the pitch and those seats in the lowest level at which the person lifelessly lounged. They cast deep shadows everywhere, embossing Clive's heavy brow, making him recognizable to Lily even from such as distance.

"What's that Pritchard creep here for?"

...And apparently to James.

He began to head down toward Clive.

"Potter! Come on, I think I need more practice on that new move you taught us. Could you help me?" called Lily quickly, though she had mastered the trick weeks before.

James looked back at her, sufficiently distracted.

Lily let him show her once more how to bring her legs up and lean forward while keeping the broom even. He watched her imitate him as he patiently gave her tips. Then they all played a short match before heading into the locker rooms.

Peeking over at James who was laughing loudly with Jamal, Lily broke away from the group and ambled over to Clive.

"That Potter maniac is your captain," said Clive, his everlasting scowl deepening slightly.

"Yes," replied Lily, inducing her lips to mimic his.

"Rab's captain for Slytherin," Clive remarked.

"Oh?" said Lily, sensing that he was implying something. "You coming to the match?"

"Yes, if I get to see you in your Quidditch robes again," he said.

Lily reddened and glanced down at her disheveled robes that now matched her face. When she looked back up, she saw that his eyes were trailing over her body.

"Which side are you going to cheer for?" queried Lily, her eyebrows rising inquisitively.

Clive shrugged. "What do you think?"

He began to walk away.

Lily watched as a faint feeling of disappointment tugged at her. He was just about to turn out of sight when he tilted his head to the side and raised his hand, jerking it in a brief wave.

Lily returned it eagerly though he was already gone.

Anna emerged from the locker rooms and motioned impatiently for Lily to come inside.

"James wants a team meeting!" she called. "What are you still out here for?"

"Nothing," murmured Lily as she descended the steps of the stadium and hurried over the crusty snow to Anna.

In the locker room, James went over his goals for the next practice and told them about Slytherin's different antics and tendencies. When he finished, Lily went to change as the rest of the team headed back to the castle having already done so.

"Evans," said James, exiting the captain's office.

"Potter," replied Lily as she neatly folded her Quidditch robes put them in her locker.

"Were you talking to Pritchard?" he asked.

Lily paused, staring at the back of her locker for a moment. "Why?"

James didn't answer. She heard him walking as he came to stand next to her.

"I was just telling him not to spy on our practices," said Lily, looking down at James' sneakers. "Is there something wrong with that, captain?"

She finally looked at his face. His hair dripped over hazel eyes that weren't looking at her. He was frowning.

"Glad your loyalty is with the team," James said in an uncharacteristically cold tone. "See you."

With that, he left the locker room leaving Lily suddenly feeling sick.

* * *

Lily sat on the large windowsill in the common room, her legs stretched out in front of her as darkness spilled over the grounds.

She was supposed to be writing a Transfiguration essay but it lay unfinished and ignored on the floor, having been pushed out her mind by her daydreams. Her head leaned against the cold glass that prevented her from flying out into the inky sky and diving into the clouds. However nothing prevented her thoughts from doing so and she was oblivious to the lively activity in the common room.

That day had been rather dreadful and she was happy not thinking about it. It had begun with that terrible hopeless feeling that comes early in the morning after a fitful sleep. Her mind ached and reeled from the pressure of the amount of homework she had left to pile up for the weekend as though she were constantly carrying it all on her head.

Then in both Herbology and Charms which was typically Lily's best subject, she received low marks on two assignments. When she left the classroom after talking to Flitwick about ways to make up for it she had seen James strutting down the corridor toward her. He was flanked by a crowd of simpering, giggling, and in Lily's opinion, altogether disgusting girls.

Lily had started to turn around but James was at her side, speaking in his smooth, smart way. She cringed as she saw the girls, many of them her friends regularly, glowering at her. James had promptly asked her out, pushing Lily to become so furious that she wouldn't even stoop to answering him. She merely walked away, dearly wanting hex him but not wanting the girls to hate her more then they already seemed to.

"Going to find your little Slytherin chum?" he had shouted after her.

Lily then walked swiftly into the girls' bathroom around the corner and without even knowing why, she had cried.

"Lily!"

Turning to see who had shaken her out of her dreamy reverie, she saw Tara looking at her confusedly.

"Why are you still here? It's past seven thirty!" exclaimed Tara. "Shouldn't you be at practice?"

It took a moment for Lily to realize that she should get going and when she finally did, she flew up the stairs to retrieve her broomstick and then raced through the portrait hole.

Down the corridors she ran until she rounded a corner and came to a screeching halt, dropping her broomstick in surprise. It went clattering to the floor but she didn't pick it up.

There was Clive, standing as if he had been waiting for Lily to come dashing toward him. He looked at her darkly and she became mesmerized by his sensual eyes.

Slowly, he reached out and took hold of her wrists. She felt dizzy.

"Let's go snog."

Lily nodded, forgetting about Quidditch and Charms and James and everything she may have once believed in.

Clive pulled her behind a tapestry into a tiny tapestry and leaned her against the wall and immediately pushed his mouth against hers. She was momentarily shocked by his sudden burst of fiery energy but reacted heatedly, trying to disguise her great apprehension.

As if possessed by another being, Lily's arms went around his neck. He moved closer and pressed her into the wall, kissing her forcefully and sneaking his cold hands under her robes. Lily sunk into him weakly, letting him numb her brain. For the first time that day, she felt good.

Suddenly, two more bodies collided with theirs behind the tapestry

"What the hell are you doing?" Clive yelled into the intruders. "We're in here!"

Lily dropped her arms though Clive didn't release her. She looked around him and vaguely saw two tall boys facing the other wall of the dark, now very tight-fitting passage.

"So sorry! We'll just leave now..." said one of the boys in a deep, familiar voice. "Carry on."

Without further delay, Clive turned back to Lily and continued just as vigorously as before the interruption.

The boys began to squeeze their way uncomfortably back out of the passage. Lily wasn't as engrossed in the activity anymore; she knew the voice that had spoken very well. Carefully, she moved so that Clive blocked the boys from view.

There was muffled knocking sound and something landed near Lily's feet.

"Damn! I dropped my glasses!" cried the other boy.

"Just get them and get out!" snapped Clive impatiently.

"Oh...it's you, Pritchard," said James, scathingly. Lily chanced a glimpse over Clive's shoulder but it was too dark to see anything. "And who's the poor girl getting her face sucked in?"

Lily shrunk back against the wall fearfully. She wanted to run away, out the other end of the passage but then she would be seen.

"I think you know her, actually," said Clive smugly.

Lily's stomach flipped over. She hastily kicked the glasses toward James.

"There are your glasses," she said hoarsely.

"Who are you then?" asked James acidly, ignoring her attempt to make him leave. "And why are you wasting your time with this stupid bastard?"

Sirius chuckled behind him. When Lily didn't answer, he pushed the tapestry out and said, "Come on, Prongs. Guess we'll have to go the long way to the Owlery."

The light from the corridor seeped into the passageway. Lily felt it on her face as James crouched to pick up his glasses.

"Evans?" Sirius gaped incredulously.

James snapped straight up again, jamming the glasses on his nose. He stared at her while Clive bent his head and complacently kissed Lily's neck. Lily didn't move but stared past James, grateful the light didn't show his face, at Sirius. His expression was changing rapidly from disbelief to rage.

"Ah...you do know her," said Clive. And though Lily couldn't see, she could sense the first smirk she'd ever known to be on his face.

In a flash, both James and Sirius threw themselves toward Clive. Lily screamed and was knocked to the side. James was punching wildly, flailing his arms in every direction like a madman. Sirius on the other hand, grabbed James and held back his thrashing arms.

"James! Don't," Sirius forced his friend's arms securely behind him and spoke calmly over James' yells of fury.

"But Sirius! He's...he's...Evans!"

"Not now," said Sirius quietly. He shoved James through the tapestry and out of the passageway.

Clive laughed darkly. The next thing Lily knew, Sirius was gripping Clive roughly by the collar, cutting Clive's odd laugh short.

"Sirius, stop!" shrieked Lily feverishly, trying to pull him off Clive. He didn't budge so she pounded on his wrists. Sirius merely pushed her away. Lily fell backwards onto the floor.

"Stay away from Lily," said Sirius coldly, slamming Clive against the wall as he spoke each word.

It was then that Lily noticed how much taller Sirius was compared to Clive.

Sirius let go of him as though he were a repulsive piece of dung. He swiftly grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Let's go, Evans. You have to get to practice," he said, dragging her into the corridor.