I Loved You More

Chapter #17

What's in a Frown?

Lily heaved Rab off the ground and onto his feet. He was moaning loudly and clutching his stomach where James had so carelessly struck. She turned back to Clive who was holding some of his own robes up to his mouth to stem the flow of blood.

"That's right. Just keep it there till we get to the hospital wing," she said, more for the sake of saying something than anything else.

He nodded faintly.

"Let's go," said Lily.

She placed a hand on his arm and another on Rab's shoulder to lead them but quickly removed them again, feeling very awkward. She walked slowly with the two boys through the corridors to the hospital wing without speaking.

Lily explained what was wrong with the boys to Madame Pomfrey, leaving out the reason of their injuries. She knew very well that James deserved to get in trouble but she didn't want to have to think about him at all. If she had to, she would deal with him later but for now, Lily was content with pretending he had nothing to do with the current situation.

The nurse ushered the boys to some beds and set to work at mending their pains. Lily stayed and watched, though she knew she wasn't obligated to.

Now, after the turn of events, she was positive about her feelings toward James. Rage, fury, resent. At least he had made things simple. Even so, Lily couldn't help herself from feeling deeply saddened as she realized that no matter what he could make her think, James would always eventually disappoint her. It gave her an odd pained feeling as though James had kicked her in the stomach instead of Rab Lestrange.

In front of Lily, Madame Pomfrey was trying to perform some complicated spell on Rab but he kept turning away to brace for more pain. The nurse was getting so frustrated that she eventually stunned him and he lay limp on the bed, leaving her free to do as she pleased.

Lily turned to look at Clive who was staring at his lap and studied him.

The blood was cleared from his face and Lily finally noticed how intriguing his features were. His skin was smooth and looked soft to touch and his lips were full, bending nicely into a small scowl. The dark brown hair that fell with a graceful flip on the back of his neck reached down over his thick brows which were pressed low on his forehead, brushing his long lashes. His pointed chin jutted out slightly, making Lily wonder if it was naturally like that of if it were a result of James' blow.

He was very handsome, in a dark, sullen way and looking at him sent a rush through her body, making her completely forget about James...at last.

He must have sensed her interested gaze because he tilted his head toward her, lifting his eyebrows vaguely. His eyes were deeply set and almost black.

Lily felt her face burning under his perceptive stare. She looked shyly down at her hands but found that she didn't want to stop gaping at this boy so she peeked up at him again. He was still staring unblinkingly at her and a feeling of self-consciousness seeped into her.

"Ms. Evans?"

Lily jolted her head away, breaking the gaze.

Madame Pomfrey was looking at her in a way that made it obvious that she had been trying to get her attention for some time. "Ms. Evans, I think you should go to your dormitory now."

Lily nodded and let her eyes flicker once more over Clive who had a tint of shrewd amusement on his face as he continued to stare at her. Lily blushed deeper and walked awkwardly through the doors of the hospital wing, knowing that he probably still had his eyes fixed on her back and feeling quite pleased about it.

* * *

She did not see James at all over the weekend to have the chance to deliver a furious speech or simply ignore him coldly, depending on her mood. Lily was ready to punish him and make him see his horrible mistake but he was nowhere to be found. To her own secret mortification, she caught herself deliberately looking for him.

Once she briefly saw Sirius strolling through the common room and immediately inquired about James' whereabouts. He was strangely short with her and refused to offer any information, even after Lily pestered him several more times.

It made her get the distant feeling that she should be the one apologizing to James.

But that was crazy.

Lily soon heard about James and Sirius' choice of revenge on Snape. It was, of course, impossible to be oblivious to the matter because it was all that anyone talked about. The students gushed over James and Sirius's daring and laughed with gusto over quotes from Snape's diary that were particularly embarrassing. It only increased Lily's desire to rebuke James every time she heard a reference of any kind to the prank.

When Monday arrived accompanied by classes, Lily finally saw him at breakfast with the rest of the Marauders. There was a crowd of admirers swooning over him and he was gladly soaking up the glory of it.

Lily watched him with bitter repulsion from the other end of the Gryffindor table. As his groupies laughed heartily at a joke he made, he casually rumpled his hair and turned to grin and wink at Lily, catching her totally off guard. She snapped her gaze violently away and glared at her cereal. Thoughts of James' shameless arrogance and cockiness poured into her brain, rising like high tide.

Another burst of laughter sounded from James' end of the table.

Lily slammed down her spoon and marched out of the Great Hall. On her way by, James smirked at her and said, "Bye Evans."

The entire assemblage turned to look at her, including Mina St. Clair, the girl beside him who, Lily noticed, had her hand on James' shoulder.

As soon as she was safely out of the Hall, flaming tears began fighting their way out from under her eyelids. She walked, letting her mind drift to concentrate on the movement of her legs to lead her to her first class. Alenas wasn't in the Arithmancy classroom so she sat down, grateful for the moment of solitude.

Lily had been sure that she would be prepared to face James when she saw him. She had felt so ready to scold him unflinchingly in front of everyone or openly shun him...To use her power over him to poison his mind with guilt and return him to the James who had laughed himself to sleep with her that night in the empty classroom.

Now, it seemed, he was the one with the power over her.

Soon, the rest of the class began to enter, taking their seats around Lily.

She wiped her eyes hastily with the back of her hand and bent low over her notebook. Summer dropped into the seat to Lily's right and leaned toward her.

"Lily? You all right?" she whispered gently.

Lily took a deep breath and turned to look at Summer's concerned expression. She nodded resolutely as she watched James and Sirius from the corner of her eye strolling into the classroom, James laughing loudly at something Sirius was saying.

Lily's mind automatically wandered to the last time they were in this classroom. She pictured Sirius and Alenas earnestly discussing "lovemaking" techniques and felt a grin swelling inside her but she suppressed it with a forceful frown. The frown was a regular lie only it was spoken silently through the features on her face. With a simple curve of her lips, it buried her real emotions, her spontaneous thoughts, her natural urges, teaching her brain to take control and form a habit of deceit. The frown, disguising a mere grin that was inspired by her soul, marked the first of a series of similar lies conducted by the rationale and caution of her mind.

Sliding her eyes around to meet Summer's, she smiled, concealing a genuine feeling that she wasn't even aware of.

"I'm fine, Sum," she said, and in her head, it became and it was the truth.

* * *

Lily ambled into the library with Summer and Tara later that evening. They settled into their usual quiet corner and laid out their homework. Lily stood up to go find a book for to help her with a Herbology essay. She grazed through the titles along a shelf, touching all the spines of the books gently with her finger.

A hand suddenly swept lightly across the small of her back. Lily twitched slightly and somehow knew it was him.

She turned around carefully and met the dark eyes of Clive Pritchard, who was standing unexpectedly close to her in the aisle.

She shoved a smile on her face and said, "Hi."

He nodded, his eyes moving up and down over her body. She shifted apprehensively from one foot to the other.

"How's your...?" she pointed to her own chin in reference to his jaw.

"Great," he grunted, his expression still motionless. "...It's something Evans, right?"

"Yeah. It's Lily," she said, inwardly awing over the fact that he had remembered at least part of her name.

"Clive Pritchard," he said gruffly. "So...Lily Evans. You always come to the rescue of helpless Slytherins?" Clive asked sardonically.

"Only if it means going against James Potter. You were lucky," said Lily, knowing this statement would trigger something they had in common; less than warm feelings toward James.

Clive blinked slowly, a tinge of appreciation forming in his eyes.

"He's stark mad, that's for sure," he said, furrowing his naturally furrowed brow. "But I always thought Gryffindors were a tight-knit bunch."

Lily snorted, leaning back against the bookshelf in an attempt to appear relaxed.

"Not me and Potter."

"Hmm...people say you two were particularly close," remarked Clive, peering at her.

Lily shrugged. "I'm done with him. Er...do you want to come sit with us?" She tossed a hand to indicate the table at which Summer and Tara sat.

He looked at the two girls briefly but snapped his eyes back on her, sneering. "You like studying, I see."

"No, I don't," countered Lily, unsure of what exactly she was saying. "Who likes studying? We just have no choice but do it, right?"

"I suppose, but I'll pass," he replied.

"Do you come here often? To the library, I mean," asked Lily.

"Never to study..." said Clive. "Just to meet pretty redheads."

Lily's head rushed with excitement and her face glowed crimson.

"Having any luck today?" she asked timidly.

He reached out a hand and took a lock of her hair in his soft, lean hand.

"The best I've had yet, I must say," Clive said quietly with an eloquent lift of his eyebrows.

Lily thought she might faint as she allowed herself to get completely sucked in by his scowling lips and shady eyes.

He tilted his head closer and Lily held her breath, thinking he might kiss her. Instead, he let go of her hair, letting it drop back onto her shoulder.

"See you around, Lily Evans."

He turned and disappeared around the corner of a bookshelf. Lily let out a small gasp before tripping back to Summer and Tara, all thoughts of the Herbology book gone.

"Lily! Who was that?" demanded Tara immediately with an eager smile on her face. "He was all over you."

Lily bowed her head as she took her seat.

"Clive Pritchard," she mumbled.

"Clive Pritchard?" repeated Tara in astonishment. "That Slytherin? He's in sixth year," she said in a way that seemed to dismiss him from any further discussion.

"Yeah, so?" asked Lily unconcernedly. "I can't talk to him just because he's a year older than me? You've dated loads of sixth-years."

"He's a Slytherin," retorted Tara, ignoring Lily's comment.

Lily glanced at Summer, seeking support, but in its place Lily saw a look of distrust on her best friend's face and, upon sharper observation, worry.

"What does it matter which house he's in? He's really sweet," said Lily defensively.

"It doesn't matter...But Slytherins are not known for their sweetness, Lily," Tara said.

Lily then felt a weight on the back of her chair. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Remus was leaning on it. He turned his head sideways and looked down at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Saw you chatting with Pritchard, Lily," he said. "I didn't know you two were so close."

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed with aggravation. "Was everyone watching us? So I talked to a Slytherin? Big deal. It doesn't mean anything!"

She saw Remus send a fleeting look toward Summer then Tara as he walked around their table and sat down.

"Prongs wanted me to remind you about Quidditch practice. There's going to be one every day this week from seven-thirty to ten," he said casually.

"Seven-thirty to ten? But that's so late!" said Lily, frowning.

"Yeah. I reckon the Slytherin team booked the pitch during the good hours," replied Remus. "Prongs also said that he needs you to run the practices."

"Me? Why?"

"He has detention and he probably won't get out until after nine," explained Remus.

"Clever captain we've got, eh? Landing himself detention the week before a match against Slytherin," grumbled Lily scathingly. "He's unbelievable."

"Ah, well, he did what he had to do, I suppose," sighed Remus. "Can I tell him you'll do it?"

"Fine, go ahead," relented Lily. Remus stood and with a small wave, he left the library.

Summer and Tara watched as Lily went to start her homework but realized that she didn't have that Herbology book she needed. She groaned in vexation and threw down her quill before stomping irritably back to the bookshelf.

Tara raised her eyebrows.

"Someone needs a nap."