Disbelieving in Trees

Author's Note: It's been a very long time indeed since I posted a chapter of this story, but I recently decided that I am going to finish this, like my Yesterday Sequence, before the release of book seven. It should only be another chapter or two after this one. I hope it's been worth the wait. =] Please review.

Disbelieving in Trees

Potter47

Chapter Five

The New Tactic

Luna stayed in her bed for a very long time after being plopped unceremoniously onto her mattress by Ron. She had desperately needed the comfiness it afforded her, to calm her, to soothe her, to make her forget the terrible, dreadful discovery she had just made in the next room.

Hermione knows, she thought. What on earth do we do now?

Finally--after the vast, vast array of milli-moments she had enjoyed undisturbed with her eyes closed--the thoughts had seeped back in. She opened her eyes, and when she did she saw it was quite dark, which was surprising, because it had been daytime when she had closed them.

"How do you feel?" said the deep, silky voice of Severus, making her jump slightly. He was seated beside the bed, in the rolly desk chair from across the room.

"Have you stayed here the whole time?" asked Luna. "How sweet of you... Really, you didn't have to--"

"Nonsense," said Snape. "And besides, I haven't been here the whole time, as you might have guessed with your nosy little brain of yours..."

Luna smiled. She knew what he meant--he had been watching Hermione again, through his Legilimency. Never invading her, never truly penetrating her mind--just sitting on the edge of it. Resting. Being with her. Luna thought it was the most romantic thing she'd ever seen, and she hadn't even seen it.

There were more important matters at hand, however. Or, rather, less important matters that were more pressing.

"She knows, Severus."

Severus blinked.

"What?" he said, although he clearly had heard perfectly well or he wouldn't have blinked.

"She knows. Hermione knows about our plan."

"How?"

"I think Ginny told her," said Luna.

"How on earth did she know?"

"Well, I told her, of course. But that was years ago."

Severus blinked again, but decided to refrain from asking what she had meant, because he'd heard her perfectly well and didn't care to understand her one bit.

"Well, what do you suggest we do now, Lovegood?"

"Luna," said Luna.

"Luna," said Snape begrudgingly. Luna smiled. "What do you suggest we do now, Luna? I daresay we shan't go on pretending--"

"Shalln't," said Luna, and then: "Of course we will. Why on earth wouldn't we?"

"You said yourself that Hermione knows about us. And there's only one more day until the wedding. What good will it do to attempt to make her jealous if she knows very well that we're only trying to make her jealous? What good would it do anyway?"

"It will do plenty of good," said Luna. "There's no use giving up yet--we still have all day tomorrow, don't we?"

Severus was silent.

"We merely need..." began Luna, "to embrace a new tactic."

"And what do you suggest that that be?"

Luna thought a moment, and then her eyes lit up with inspiration.

"You'll see."

--|--

The hotel corridor of the Hotel Corridor was decidedly empty, and such a fact was decidedly logical, as it was very late in the evening--it was, indeed, more than half way through the night.

So perhaps it should be called the morning, thought Luna. But then, if it was the morning, wouldn't that mean the night was over? And if the night was over, wouldn't that mean that the midpoint of the night had passed quite a while beforehand...?

Luna shook such thoughts from her head. She was on an important mission: Phase One of the New Tactic. Phase Two, she felt, would be rather boring, so she had determined to enjoy Phase One very much indeed.

And so, Luna walked down the hotel corridor of the Hotel Corridor with a spring in her step, despite it having been summer for a few weeks now.

Finally, she found herself outside of the kitchens, which were also decidedly empty, and the door of which was decidedly locked.

She drew her wand stealthily, as she had done many a time when she was bored with a pen and paper and had nothing better to draw than a stealthy wand.

She murmured quietly, stealthily:

"Alohomora!"

The lock unlocked itself with a click, Luna turned the door handle with her hand and stepped inside with her foot. It was dark, but not quite so dark as would have made her not be able to see. And so, seeingly, she made her way to the refrigerator, and opened it. The light within glowed far brighter than she had expected, practically illuminating the entire kitchen and striking Luna of her adverb. She blinked a few times, and inspected the contents of the fridge.

She grinned.

--|--

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall," sang Luna, "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put humpty together again."

Luna sat atop a stone wall at the edge of the hotel car park, and beside her sat a enormous crate of raw eggs, from the kitchens.

She took one of the eggs, threw it into the air, and it landed on the ground in front of her:

"Humpty jumped...!" she said, peering at the splattered egg and shrapnel down below on the pavement.

She took another egg and rolled it carefully off the side of the wall:

"Humpty was pushed...!" she said, this time, grinning in what some people may have called a rather maniacal way.

It continued on in this manner for a long, long while, because there were quite a few eggs indeed. With each new egg she alternated between theories: that is, whether Humpty's death was a murder or a suicide. It was a strange, rather twisted sort of version of "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." Luna was having a grand old time.

After a while, when all but a few of the eggs had been broken--and while Luna was declaring suicide once again--a figure appeared, visible beneath one of the lights that illuminated the car park, marching angrily towards the wall upon which she sat.

The voice shouted in a strong, stilted French accent: "WHAT--DO YOU THINK--YOU'RE DOING...?"

The Frenchman marched closer to her until Luna could see who he was; it was the eggman. The man who prepared the omelets at the Breakfast Buffet.

"Nothing," said Luna.

"NOTHING?!" demanded the Frenchman. He was fuming, smoke billowing out his tall white hat like a smokestack.

He was standing just below Luna now, looking straight up at her, his face contorted in rage. "I awake to prepare for this morning's breakfast, and what do I find...? The refrigerator has been cleared of every last fresh egg...! And then, what is it that I hear, but that most dreadful, horrible, terrible, indecent, awful, appalling, most evil, positively satanic noise--the noise of an egg cracking upon the ground."

Now he looked down at the Humpty Dumpty graveyard in which he stood.

"Oh...!" he said, and his voice caught in his throat. "Oh my shrapnel!"

He bent over, weak and teary-eyed, and began attempting to gather all of the shrapnel and egg into a solitary lump--this was a most messy business, and it seemed he was faring no better than all the king's horses had done before him.

Luna felt it was quite time to be leaving, and as such, she stood, preparing to leave the poor man in peace--but her eye caught sight of the few eggs remaining in the crate, and she simply could not resist.

"Humpty was pushed," she murmured to herself, and tipped the crate over the edge. The eggs splattered right into the chef's smokestack, and he let out a cry of anguish.

Luna darted away before he could yell once again and determine who she was. She felt a little bit bad for him--but, as she thought on the way back to the hotel, this was a war. Sacrifices had to be made.

--|--

Inexplicably, there were no omelets at the breakfast buffet that morning. Luna sat with Severus once again, but this time in the very next booth to the one in which Ron and Hermione sat.

"Phase One was a success," said Luna quietly. "It is time to begin Phase Two."

"And what is this Phase Two, may I ask?"

"Of course you may."

Severus waited a moment.

Then: "Well?"

"Well what?" asked Luna.

"What is this Phase Two?"

"Oh! You were asking? I thought you were merely asking if you may ask. Oh yes, of course--Phase Two..." and she lowered her voice even more dramatically, and looked both ways as though to make sure no one was spying, "...is friendship."

"Friendship?"

Luna nodded. "It's the perfect blendship."

Severus blinked. He opened his mouth, but thought better of asking, once again. "Never mind," he said.

"Anyway," said Luna. "Phase Two commences..." and she looked up at the great clock on the wall, "...now."

She stood, took a few steps, and found herself in front of Ron and Hermione's table.

"Hi there," said Luna, smiling, and Hermione looked at her, clearly suspicious.

"Hello," said Hermione cautiously.

"Ronald, how about you go ahead and get your food?" asked Luna. "I never did get to speak to Hermione in private yesterday, you remember?"

"Oh... oh, yeah," said Ron, remembering. "I'm starved, anyway. I'll be back in a minute."

And he sidled out of the booth and made for the buffet.

"So what's this about?" said Hermione, not sounding particularly friendly.

"I... I wanted to say I'm sorry," said Luna. Hermione blinked, and was about to ask "What?" but Luna spoke once again before she had a chance. "I haven't been the nicest person to you since you've returned... or, well, ever, I suppose."

Hermione did not argue.

"And, well... this is supposed to be the happiest weekend of your life, isn't it? Your own wedding...? And.... well, I wanted to help with that. So maybe we could put everything else behind us, do you think? Start fresh?"

Hermione didn't no what to say.

"Um, yeah," she said. "Sure. I'd like that."

Luna smiled.

"Good. I mean, I know that Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger never really got along so great, but... but perhaps things will be different between Luna and Hermione Weasley." Hermione smiled, still taken aback.

Luna wanted to vomit, but held it in, just slightly. Instead, she grinned:

"Now let's get some breakfast, hmm?"

"OK," said Hermione, and the two of them stood up.

From the table beside them, Severus stood up as well.

"Oh, hello Professor," said Hermione. "How are... things?"

"Wonderful," said Snape, his tone as clipped as Hermione's wings as he said it.

"That was quite the performance," whispered Snape into Luna's ear.

"I know, wasn't it?" said Luna, smiling.

"Wasn't what?" said Hermione.

"Oh, nothing," said Luna. Then she grinned, and added: "Ol' buddy, ol' pal."

Hermione raised her eyebrows, hesitated, and decided not to say anything. But then she did anyway:

"Oh no," she said. "The omelet man isn't here today..."

"Darn it," said Luna. "I suppose you'll have to take the buffet this time... oh, poor Sevvie-wevvie, you usually get the omelets too, don't you?"

Snape blinked. Hermione blinked. Luna had no such urge, as was her norm.

"What did I tell you about calling me that?" said Severus harshly. Then, with a glance at Hermione, he added: "...in... public."

Luna nearly giggled, but held it in.

They began to make their way along the buffet line, and Luna helped herself to some bacon, some whipped cream, and she was about to take some scrambled eggs when she realized that that might not have been the best idea. She sniffed them rather conspicuously, wondering if they were yesterday's leftovers.

Then, she turned to Hermione, whose plate was still empty.

"Well, aren't you going to get something?" said Luna.

Hermione looked with distaste at the platter of God-only-knew-what that sat before her on the table.

"No, I don't think so, actually. I prefer my food to be a bit... more fresh..."

"Oh, no problem then," said Luna. "The bacon's wonderfully fresh, and so's the whipped cream. Here, have mine, I'll go around again."

She shoved the plate into Hermione's hands, and departed the line for the back.

Hermione stood dumbfounded, staring at the plate.

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen," she said.

"I've seen more disgusting," said Severus. "Only slightly, but I have seen it."

"I don't know what to do--she gave it to me, it would be rude not to accept it--"

"Perhaps you could move the line along, for starters," he said, an edge to his voice once again.

"Oh, oh, sorry," said Hermione. She departed for her table, unsure of what to do. She sat down, and stared at the bacon-and-whipped-cream-filled plate once again. She angled her head to the side, thinking that perhaps it would be more appetizing that way.

While her head was craned awkwardly like this, Ron sat down opposite her with a plate stacked high of the greasiest, least fresh breakfast food mountain that Hermione had ever seen.

"How can you eat that?" she demanded. "You'll clog your arteries in two shakes."

"Well, that's all right then, because I don't plan on shaking my arteries," said Ron, spearing a large sausage on his fork and taking a bite.

"We're going to be having nutritious, balanced breakfasts after we're married, you know that, Ron? No more of this nonsense..."

"Ha," said Ron through a mouthful.

"I'm serious," said Hermione.

"Oh, I'll bet you are. But one, I'm not eating any nutritious garbage every morning, and two, I find it awfully funny you're complaining about my food when you've got a plate of bacon and whipped cream in front of you. Now who's being hypocritical?"

"When was anybody being hypocritical?"

Ron blinked, which seemed a very popular action this morning.

"I dunno," said Ron. "It seems like someone's always being hypocritical, so I just said it figuring I had a good chance of making a point. Guess not." He took another large bite.

At that moment, Snape and Luna both returned from the buffet, and without saying a word or asking permission, Luna had sat down right next to Hermione once again.

"So how's your breakfast, dearest bride-to-be?"

"Um," said Hermione. "I haven't actually tried it yet."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"An ambulance ready and waiting."

"Pfft, nonsense," said Luna. She took a slice of bacon and scooped up a dollop of the whipped cream, and held it up on front of Hermione's mouth.

"Choo choo," she said, smiling. "Come on, you've got a big night tonight, you need your nutritious breakfast..."

Ron snorted, and then asked, "Big night tonight?"

"Well, of course," said Luna. "Tonight's Hermione's hen party, isn't it?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, we decided we weren't going to bother with those blasted parties," she said.

Severus smirked. "How big of you, Weasley. Giving up your stag party to please your new wife. Very thoughtful."

"Wasn't my idea, exactly," murmured Ron.

"What?" said Hermione. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ron blinked. "Well, it wasn't--"

"It was a mutual decision--"

"Well, if mutual is an agreement between your head and your mouth, then yeah, it was mutual--"

Hermione's eyes widened. "Fine," she said. "You go ahead and have your stag party, Ron, have the time of your life. I know I'll be having the time of mine."

And, most climactically, she bit down upon the whipped-cream-covered slice of bacon that had been dangling in front of her face throughout the entire length of this exchange, and chewed it most fervently.

"Come on, Luna," she said, standing. "We've got a hen party to plan." They sidled out of the booth, leaving a dumbfounded Ron and an amused Snape in their wake.

Then Hermione doubled back, picked up Ron's napkin, and spit the bacon into it. "That was absolutely disgusting," she said, and stormed away once again.

Luna couldn't help but grin as she and Hermione left the Hotel Corridor Restaurant and Lounge. This was not at all how she had intended Phase Two to happen--she had merely planned on enjoying Hermione's obvious discomfort with the bacon situation. This, however, was something far greater than that.

This was a miracle.

TBC... please review.