Mirrorverse

Forgive me again for being so neglectful on updating, the past few weeks have taken it's toll on me physically yet again, and the energy just isn't there when I want it :sigh: Hopefully though these new medicines I'm taking will help, going to keep my fingers crossed anyways!

Not that I really intended to do this, but I've decided to put a semi-ending to this fic at the moment. Yes, yes I can hear the 'oh no's!' now, but sadly I truly want to wrap up my WIP's best I can. I'm getting a bit burned out again on Harry/Draco and need a break persay. I will not be ending Decade just yet though, I have more in store for that one. I fully intend when I've finished Decade to come back to this fic and 'fill in the gaps' so to speak, as to when I'm not sure. This is the 2nd to last chapter though, I hope to have the final chapter out in the next day or two.

On a side note...I'm beginning a new fic along with 2 co-authors this week that is quite unusual (or will be I hope :P). At the moment the title is iffy yet, leaning towards 'When In Egypt, Do As The Egyptian's Do', and it takes place over three different time periods - MWPP days, 2nd Century Roman Briton/Egypt, and Harry's days. It's a semi-historical AU, with the main pairing of Remus/Severus, and side smatterings of Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione, Sirius/OCF, Peter/OCF, James/Lily, and a few others. Meanwhile...enjoy the chapter!

~~Chapter Eleven: Wishing You Were Here With Me~~

October 1st

My wife once told me to give up hope is akin to giving up breathing. To give up either is folly she said, because as long as there is air to breath, so there should be hope to hold on to. How I crave to believe that, but it gets harder and harder with each passing day.

I once asked my wife how she could want me, love me even, knowing that my heart still belongs to another, she merely replied, 'Because I just do.' In my way I have grown to love her over time, in fact she is my breath these days. She is my hope and my reason to keep living, despite the fact that there isn't much left to live for. When I think of how she manages to endure so much and asked for little in return, I know that I have to keep going for her sake, as well as our children. There is my son David, and my three daughters Misha, Ryanna and Jenifer. They are my angels, and I will protect them as best I can, even if my son now at fourteen has had to learn how to fight to survive, and has learned bitterness and hatred in place of love and respect.

I wish I could say I too felt that same hatreds and desired revenge against my oppressor, but I don't. My son desires to destroy the evil that has ruled his life since his birth, but I know that is mere folly these days. He's but a scant fourteen years old, and as for myself, I feel far older than my thirty-two years of life. Perhaps a hundred and thirty-two ismore like it for what I have had to endure these past fifteen years, and I no longer have the energy to fight, only to survive.

What happened fifteen years ago you might ask? What brought me and the others to this state of poverty, this state of hiding in shadows and sneaking round as if we were common criminals? To be honest it would take pages upon pages to explain it all, but suffice it to say that time doesn't always heals wounds, it creates them. Hope ended up getting lost, and when that happened the darkness claimed it's victims. And my beloved, the one person I thought I couldn't do without, whom I loved with all my heart and soul...turned into my worst enemy.

No, that's not quite true. Once, in another world that is long gone now, we were enemies for a time. Then something happened and we stopped being enemies; in fact we became lovers. We used to lie in each other's arms dreaming of the future and how we'd be unafraid to admit our love for each other in public. Though we know it would be pipe dreams, those who knew us would have destroyed us for our love, but we dreamed it anyway. How could we not believe in miracles when we were there entwined in each others arms? All that changed though fifteen years ago to the day. The day that a single book and a mistakenly cast spell destroyed our lives.

Not to stray though too much, I was trying, attempting rather, to put in a few words what happened all those years ago that turned us into such 'criminals'. To put it bluntly though the boy I loved has became a man I now fear. A boy that once was too shy to even undress his perfect body in front of me, now parades his lovers as conquests. Male or female he has no preferences, he will take anyone he finds attractive, and to refuse him is death. That however is his right these days, he is the darkness, our 'Lord and Master', ruler over the Wizarding World, or rather what's left of it.

Once he had a name, a wonderful name that I would speak with bated breath, whisper or scream out in ecstasy, now that name is forbidden to be spoken. Now he is addressed as simply 'My Lord', or 'My Master', to be 'intimate' with him would again be one's death, and I have personally seen those foolish enough to think they could capture his heart. Their skeletons still lay in public view as reminders you do not cross the Dark Lord. They were fools because they thought he had a heart to capture in the first place, but I know that today only a block of ice remains in place of that elusive organ. He is not capable now of love or tenderness, nor will ever be again I reckon, the darkness has him too deep.

Fifteen years ago however when we arrived he was mine, my lover, my heart, my soul. That love is now empty however, laced with bitterness and regrets, and I have had to watch as the darkness claimed his soul until now there is nothing left of the boy I loved. When we first arrived here we had such grand hopes of going 'home', but the more time passed and the more we became lost here, the more the evils claimed him. In less than a year's time the sweet, angelic boy I had desired turned into a hard, cold, cruel man claiming the title 'Dark Lord'.

He had tried to fight it, oh I know he tried, but it was to be in vain. He of all of us lost hope the quickest, he of all of us needed the most help to fight the evil, but in the end we were at a loss as to how to help him. The more we tried, the more he struggled against the birthrights of this world, the deeper into the darkness he sank, and then it was too late. Harry James Potter as I once knew him, or Harrison Seth Potter as he was known in this world, what I now think of as the 'real' world, was no more. He became simply the 'Dark Lord', no name even, just simply as a title.

It only a few months after we arrived here in which the changes happened. By 'we' I mean myself, Draco Meritus Malfoy (though I used to be Draco Lucius Malfoy in the other world), Remus Lupin, Severus Snape and of course...Our Lord (I will not use his given name again, it hurts too much to even see it in writing). In those few short months before the darkness fell I thought...well that no longer matters. Suffice it to say though what I thought never happened. My once lover became our Lord, and from there life went downhill. Those of us that were Gryffindors were driven underground, fleeing Hogwarts. Some didn't make it, many died in our escape, but I, Remus, Severus, and a few others did survive. Including one Lily Evans Malfoy, the woman that kept me from falling apart after all was said and done.

I don't know if I would have lived if it hadn't been for her, which is why I grew to love her as I do. I see how strong she is, how she keeps the young ones from losing hope, even some of the older ones. Most importantly she never blamed me for loving Our Lord, she never complained that at the beginning during our lovemaking it was his name on my lips, or that it was his hands I would imagine on my body. It took years before those hands, those caresses, those lips of his would finally become her'sin my mind. Today I sometimes wonder if it was all real, if he and I ever were lovers, if it wasn't for Remus and Severus though I'd have to think that the other world had never even existed, but they are my reminders, even if they no longer remember that other world now.

It pains me that they can't remember our old world, or that even in this world for a short time they were happy. You see they were captured and broken about six years ago, and when they were allowed to leave the private chambers of Our Lord they were only shells of the men they were. Our Lord isn't merciful most times, and after toying with Severus and Remus for weeks on end, doing things even I dare not think of...well when they were returned the wounds ran both physically and mentally. It took months of Lily's tender administrations to bring them back from near insanity, and today it tears me apart when I see how they react to even the simplest touches from anyone but each other.

I was the one that found them actually, though sometimes I wonder if I've done them justice by letting them live. We, that being the few members left of the Resistance, knew they'd been captured and taken to Our Lord, but I was the one who found them in Knockturn Alley, not far from our hideout. I barely recognised them to be honest, they were so bruised and battered that I passed them twice before realising that the bloodied bundles of rags were even alive, let alone that is was Remus and Severus.

I quickly came back and got my son and together we brought them back to our hideout, but since we are not allowed to use magic now the healing process was slow. It was Lily and Poppy Pomfrey, a mediwitch that once resided at Hogwarts, that told us how bad they were. Poppy told us they'd been subjected not only to repeated use of the Cruciatus Curse, but...well...let's just say Our Lord 'enjoys' himself in harsh ways, and it was all too clear they had become yet more victims of his 'desires'.

How I have managed to escape his Death Guards is a wonder, considering I am a wanted man. I have a price of 100,000 Galleons on my head for my capture, and I have a feeling it's not just because I am head of the Resistance. Though I would have though he'd forgotten about me by now, I hoped he would have, but from my sources that isn't the case. He still cries out my name during his moments of...I wouldn't call in 'lovemaking'...but during those moments of what considers 'passion', I call it nothing short of brutality though. However, it's my name he mutters in his sleep, and my body he apparently still desires, and because of this I am wanted more than any other reason, though that is a well guarded secret known only to a select few.

My wife doesn't let me out of the hideout these days unless I am disguised. I tried to argue with her about that point, I still pretend to be a proud man, afraid of nothing, though she sees right through that. I know that though she may have the heart of a lamb, she has the temperament of a hungry lioness, and I have learned not to cross my wife in her wishes. I know she's right though, I have to leave the hideout and with me being wanted I really do have to be careful. I have no choice but to be alert and know what is going on out there, since I am the head of the Resistance it is my duty to keep informed.

Tom Riddle, our old leader, was captured five years ago by Our Lord and put to death, and I took over because no one else really could. There is only about a hundred of us left that didn't immediately submit to Our Lord and become his slaves. We alone still try to fight in secret, many of those are children though, ranging from my son who's the eldest, to Frank and Cindy's daughter who is a newborn, though my wife is again due to give birth any day now I am proud to say.

You may wonder why we choose to have children in these dark times, but as Lily puts it, 'they are the light to the darkness, and they deserve to be here.' Wise as my wife is, I often wonder if she really just enjoys staying pregnant, not that I would ever dare ask her, but I know she is always happiest when she is with child, so I do what I can to keep her happy.

I see time is running short now, the Muggle clock that we stole years ago tells me it's time for me to meet with one of my sources. I can already hear David getting ready, he enjoys these outings because when we have free time I tell him the stories of what life was once like before Our Lord took over. Of how there used to be a great school for mages called Hogwarts, now a prison for Our Lord's slaves and his personal home. I tell him stories of the 'other world', of course I don't tell him 'everything', but enough to keep him sated with tales of those long forgotten days.

I tell him how once long ago we walked free in the streets, of a time when there was such a place as Diagon Alley, which is now only a street of rubble at best. Of Quidditch which he has never seen, and of how we would fly through the air on broomsticks, something that only is dreamed about by our young. No matter how many times I tell him these 'tales' he always loves them, and in my heart I can only pray that one day...my stories will be real once again and we will be free...

'FATHER! Come on, let's go already!'

Draco chuckled at his son's enthusiasm then closed the small blackened journal book he'd found amidst the rubble in Diagon Alley years ago. Putting his quill and book into a special box and hiding it away under lock and key, he grabbed his disguise for the day. Going over to what was left of mirror he looked at himself and sighed. The man staring back at him didn't seem real, only a fictitious character in a bad novel or play, though he knew it really was himself he was looking at.

Gone was the sleek silvery-blonde hair he once sported, replaced by mid back length scraggly pure white hair. Gone were the straight pearly white teeth he'd prided himself on, now yellowed and a few even broken and crooked. Gone was the unmarred face, now showing his 'battle scars' of his escapes from both Hogwarts and the occasional Death Guard squad when he was careless. His skin, though once pale, was now unnaturally so, death white even because he never went into sunlight. His outings were done under the darkness of night, but even then disguises were needed just in case, the Death Guards weren't overly bright at times, but no reason to take chances as Lily had said time and time again.

Pulling his hair into a bun he put on a wig of shoulder length black hair, and with a bit of ink he blackened underneath his eyes, later on he would add on a pair of black glasses. His favourite disguise was playing the blind beggar, someone that even the Death Guards rarely gave second glance to. To begin tonight's meeting he and his son would Flooout from their hideout over to Hogsmeade, the only Wizarding town left that was habitable. It was a den of sin though, prostitutes, gambling, booze and drugs these days, but amongst the denizens of all that Draco had a few 'contact' in the castle that he could pick up news from. Tonight in particular he was meeting one of his most important contacts, and he hoped for good news.

'DRACO DEAREST GET A MOVE ON OR YOU'LL BE LATE!' Lily now called out from the common area of the hideout.

'COMING!' he called back, thankful that the hideout was made of pure brick and sounds couldn't travel far. Lily, as well as most of the children who lived at the hideout tended to more often than not get a bit rowdy sometimes, though that only endeared them to Draco's heart even further. Putting the last touches on his disguise he walked out in the common room and smiled as he saw his surprisingly still lovely red-headed wife sitting near the small fireplace, her face bathed with a soft golden glow making her look purely radiant. For a moment he also sighed at that sight, noting that the fireplace barely gave off enough light or heat to be acceptable, but was all they had so he wouldn't disparage it. Going over to Lily he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and said in a rather husky voice, 'You make it difficult to want to leave tonight, my love.'

Lily rolled her eyes and swatted at him. 'Oh gone on with you, Drake. I'm a fat cow and I know it,' she chuckled. 'However...make sure you do come home in one piece...or else,' she said with a soft smile, though her voice hitched a tiny bit in hesitation.

'Don't I always?' Draco grinned. 'David, let's go!' he called out now.

Seconds later a rather scraggly looking youth shuffled into the room, three small girls behind him. 'Dad, tell them they can't go with us, won't you?' the boy said glaring at the girls.

'It's not fair, Daddy! We want to go too! We want to hear the tales!' the oldest of the girls said with a pout, then ran into her father's arms.

Draco picked up his nine year old daughter gladly and swung her round for a bit making her giggle, then held her a moment tightly. 'Oh Jeni, I wish I could, but you know that your Mum would be so lonely if I took all of you,' he said glancing at Lily for support.

Lily laughed at his discomfort then nodded her head. 'Darn right I would be. Now girls, I promised you I would show you my old picture books again didn't I?'

The smallest of the girls, Misha, beamed at her mum. She was three but still looked like she was only a year old because of how undernourished they all were. Crawling up on Lily's lap she said, 'Mummy show us pictures?' she said with a huge dimpled smile.

Lily smiled back at her daughter and nodded. 'Ryanna, dearest, get the book from the cupboard won't you? Then I'll tell you all the stories of how your Daddy and I met and how we once could do magic,' she said.

'Magic...' Ryanna, the six year old said dreamily. 'Daddy? Will we ever be able to do magic?'

'Only when we kill off that prat Harry Potter,' David said with a snort.

'David!' Draco said sharply and glared at his son. 'You know better than that.'

'To fear the name only increases the fear in the thing itself, Dad,' David bit back. 'I'm tired of living like this, I want to see the world like you said it was.'

'And one day you will, son, but that day isn't now,' Draco said with a heavy sigh and put his hand on his son's shoulder. 'Now let's go, we have to meet my contact at nine sharp, I don't want to keep him waiting.'

'Right,' David said, 'I'll get the Floo powder.'

Draco nodded as his son went off to fetch the Floo powder jar from the kitchen area. Turning to his wife he said, 'Check up on Remus and Sev later won't you? I have a bad feeling again.'

Lily sighed and nodded. 'I do too. Poppy said that Remy's nightmares have been very bad lately, and with the full moon in only a few days...well we're afraid he may try something again.'

Draco nodded wearily. It was becoming a habit of Remus's that just before the full moon's he'd try to leave the hideout and do away with himself. Last month he'd found some silver and tried to poison himself, the month before he tried to drown himself, the month before that he shot himself with a Muggle gun he'd found. Luckily Severus had somehow gotten to his lover in time, but the damages, as well as the whole situation was weighing on everyone's mind and nerves. 'Frankly, Lils, next time maybe we should just let him die? I mean if that's what he really wants- '

'Draco Meritus Malfoy, don't you even think that!' Lily said angrily. 'Remus is a valuable member of the Resistance...when he isn't being...err...suicidal. Severus will keep him in check, and we're too few to lose anyone, even if they do want to do themselves in.'

Draco sighed. 'You're right, of course your right. It's just that...well...I suppose I best go,' he said sadly and walked over to the fireplace. 'David, let's go!' he barked out.

'Don't take your angers out on him, Drake,' Lily said warningly.

'I won't dear,' Draco said with a weak smile. 'Ah good, there you are, let's get going, we're late,' he said as his son walked back in the room. Taking just enough of the powder to work, since it was hard stuff to come by these days, he threw it into the fire till the flames turned green. He then stepped in and called out, 'Hogsmeade, Cellar Grate!' and was gone.

Not long later he arrived at an old abandoned cellar, this was the grate used by the members of the Resistance and so far thankfully no one had been caught using it. His son arrived just behind him and after they finished dusting themselves off he put on his dark glasses, gathered up a stick that he knew would be nearby, and they headed out the secret entrance. Making sure no one was about David the pretended to help his father as they headed towards the Three Broomsticks to meet up with Draco's contact.

As they stepped into the Three Broomsticks they had blink to adjust to the bright candlelight. It was lit up inside like a Yule tree, something that made Draco envious since all they could do was steal candles for the hideout, and that wasn't always easy. Making his way over to what was thankfully a semi-darkened corner he sat down at a table where a man in a hooded black cloak was waiting. 'The sun no longer shines,' Draco said in quiet voice.

'But the owls are still round,' the hooded man said back in a hushed voice. Then moving his hood back slightly gave a smile and said still keeping his voice low, 'Good to see you, Drake.'

Draco smiled back though briefly, he was still of course pretending to be blind so he didn't want to blow his cover. 'Good to see you too, James. How's things at the castle?'

James shrugged. 'As good as can be expected. My brother is still an insane prat, and I still hope to the Gods someone will do something about it,' he said in a huff.

Draco shook his head sadly. 'We're trying. Any luck on that particular...object...I asked you about?' he asked in a half whisper.

James grinned. 'This must be your lucky day, my friend. Luc nearly had a heart attack when you asked this of us, but somehow- '

'You found it?' Draco said cutting James off sharply. 'Where is it? Lucius didn't touch it, did he?'

'Calm down, Drake, no, he didn't,' James said slightly affronted. Reaching down underneath the table he passed Draco a bag with a heavy object in it. 'Just be careful. You know if you're caught with this...'

'Yeah, yeah I know, James. I don't know where it came from, in fact I don't know nothing,' Draco said heatedly. Holding the object in his hand reverently his eyes shone bright. 'Now the big question is...can you get him to where I told you?'

James snorted. 'You're a nutter you know. What if this doesn't work? Luc will have my hide, and Lily, gads man, what will your wife do if you get captured?'

Draco shook his head. 'I won't, and if all goes well, Jamie...this will all disappear like a bad dream. For all of us,' he said quietly and glanced down at the book. 'Just get him there and I'll do the rest. We've only got two days till the next full moon, so it has to be tomorrow night.'

'Remus still trying to kill himself eh?' James said with a sad shake of his head.

'You blame him? The nightmares are getting worse, even during his waking hours he still sees- ' Draco began but stopped short and shivered.

James nodded. 'Understandable. I knew my brother was bad, but on those two he was more vicious than I'd ever seen him be. I only thank Merlin that Sirius managed to get Peter away in time.'

'How are they by the by? Have you heard from them?' Draco asked.

James nodded. 'Got an owl only last week, secretly of course. They're still madly in love and having a better time of it then we are I assure you,' he said with a snort. 'They're in Egypt at the moment, trying to see what they can come up with. Just in case your plan fails.'

Draco muttered an oath under his breath. 'It won't, I won't let it, James. If it does...you have my permission to kill us both.'

'Dad, no,' David said cutting in now. 'Don't say that, what would Mum think?'

Draco smiled softly and put a comforting hand on his son's shoulder. 'Your Mum would want it that way, son, if it could save us all. The needs of the many always outweigh the needs of the few.'

'Well said, Drake,' James nodded. 'Right then, I'll do ask you ask. Just in case though may as well have the back-up in mind.'

Draco nodded then prepared to leave. 'Tomorrow night then, I'll make sure we'll be there. You just make sure he is as well.'

James nodded then pulled is hood back over his face. 'Tomorrow then.' Without another word James got up and left the table, Draco and David following up about five minutes later.

As they got to the grate to go back to the hideout David turned to his father and asked, 'Dad?'

'Yes, son?' Draco asked.

'You're going back tomorrow...aren't you,' David said quietly. 'Don't you want us anymore?'

Draco turned and looked at his son, sadness in his eyes. 'Of course I do, David, I always will love all of you, but this isn't where I...where we...belong. For fifteen years I have been holding the barest, slimmest chance of returning to where we came from, and now, with this book, I hope to do that.'

'But...but about us? What about me and the girls? And Mum? How could you do this to Mum?' David asked angrily.

'David, you're Mum is a wonderful woman. The sweetest, kindest, most giving woman I know, and I do love her more than you can imagine. But even she understands that my heart has always belonged elsewhere, and now I want that heart back,' Draco said.

'So you're leaving us, just like that, because of so-called 'love'?' David asked astonished.

'It's more complicated than that, David,' Draco said warily.

'How?' David demanded.

Draco sighed. 'I can't explain it really, but I will tell you this. Years ago in my research of 'Mirrorworlds', before books became banned and were burned, I found out that Riddle was wrong. The 'Harry, Draco, Remus and Severus' of this world didn't in actually, go anywhere.'

'I don't get it, what do you mean?' David asked puzzled.

'Basically what I found out was that night that the 'Harrison Potter' of this world casted his spell with the other to bring us here, we actually 'fused' with them. Riddle thought the others had gone to a different world, but that wasn't the case. The reason why we got their memories, and everything else...was because we became a part of them,' Draco said.

David thought on that for a moment. 'So...it's sort of like when you mix red and blue together to get purple?'

Draco grinned and nodded. 'Exactly like that. You take the two completely different colours, and make one new colour, though also you are keeping tiny bits of the original colours at the same time. That's exactly what happened with us. Two totally different people mixed together and formed one new person. The reason we were able to have memories of both worlds was because we simply got meshed together. Though sadly I think I'm the only one that still remembers the other world. Severus once told me it's because I was the least likely to get corrupted, I had nothing to lose anymore, hence why I never did fall under the spells of this world,' he said.

'Oh, I get it now! That just goes to prove you're the best that's all,' David said with a grin, then wrinkled his brow in thought. 'But, what'll happen then if you leave?'

'Well, son, if my theory is correct, and hope it is, when I cast this spell tomorrow night it will split us back to who we were. Two different people that belong in two different worlds,' Draco said quietly.

'Will...if it works...will you remember us?' David said fidgeting slightly.

Draco shook his head sadly. 'I don't know to be honest, son. Now let's go before your Mum worries eh?'

David smiled and nodded. 'Yeah, don't want her to worry with the baby on the way and all. I hope it's a boy this time, I'm tired of sisters!' he grinned.

Draco laughed and ruffled his son's hair. 'What, and give up being the only boy so you can bully all your sisters round?'

'Aw, Dad,' David said trying to dodge his father's hand. 'Still, a brother would be nice!' he said, then grabbing up the Floo powder, threw it into the grate and said, 'Knockturn Alley!' and was whisked away.

Draco looked at the empty fireplace a moment sadly. What he hadn't told his son, or even Lily for that matter, was that if what he suspected in his research was correct, this would be the last day he would see his family. If he was right, and he was 99% sure he was, come tomorrow once he cast the spell from the book in his hands one of two things would happen. Either nothing at all would happen and he'd be captured for his efforts and most likely put to death, or it would split them all back apart into two different people, sending one set back to the moment of the first cast spell, and the other set returning to whence they came.

In his heart he hoped for the latter option of course. Tomorrow night would tell though, come tomorrow night either he would become 'Draco Lucius Malfoy' once more, or he would forever remain 'Draco Meritus Malfoy', husband, father, criminal and wanted man. If this didn't work there was nothing left to hope for, he'd be dead anyway and the Resistance would be over. His wife and children would become the Lord's slaves, or simply put to death as well, and as for the others, he didn't want think anymore on it.

As he lightly fingered the cloth covering the book in his hands he prayed now with all his heart that come tomorrow night he would once again be back in his lover's arms, and this would have all have been a bad dream. The only thing wasn't sure of though was once they did return what would happen. He had no clue if time was moving at the same pace, if fifteen years here was fifteen years in the other world. Whatever the case would be though he'd have his lover back, and hopefully everything would turn out for the best.