Deny Thy Father And Refuse Thy Name

~~Deny Thy Father And Refuse Thy Name....~~

Disclaimer: Standard :sigh: JKR is a goddess and anything canon belongs to her. Anything else however heh belongs to me! :grins:

This chap has been reedited. J

~~Chapter Two: When You Thought It Couldn't Get Worse...~~

'Potter! If you would be so kind as to join the rest of us this afternoon? Five points from Gryffindor for your inability to stay more than half awake while in my class,' Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, barked out icily while glaring at the boy in question.

Harry looked up and blinked for a moment then felt a red crimson shade creep up his neck. Not because he had been singled out, that was far too common from Professor Snape. No he was embarrassed because of the fact that he had fallen asleep in a class, and mainly because it was the first time he'd ever done that. Not to mention the fact that of all the classes he could have picked to fall asleep in, it would just have to have been Potions at that. History of Magic he could understand, the ghostly Professor Binns could drive even the most stalwart of students to sleep, but Potions was another matter entirely.

'I'm sorry, sir...' Harry mumbled though it was barely audible.

Severus only glared at the boy again and walked over to him with a smirk on his face. 'Sorry is it? For what...being born Potter? Is that what you're sorry for?' he said in a silky voice causing a chuckle to emanate from the Slytherin side of the room.

Harry wasn't going to take that comment lying down though, not today. Normally he could just ignore the barbs his professor flew at him, but for some reason today he felt something boil in him and he knew he couldn't let it go. Narrowing his eyes and focusing his gaze onto Severus Snape fully on he replied icily, 'Not for being born but for having to actually be in this stupid class with you.'

A gasp from both the Gryffindors and Slytherins vibrated round the room for a moment, and even Severus could see a look in Harry's eyes that was far more than the indifference or frustration he usually saw. However in the split second he thought he had seen that look it was quickly replaced by a different one, and one Severus wasn't sure he wanted to interpret. Going over he stood directly in front of Harry now and gazed his coal black eyes deep into the emerald green eyes before him. For a second his breath caught in his throat as it always did when he looked so deeply into those green eyes. How they reminded him of things he'd buried so long ago and of a time and place that nearly made him shiver. In that split second the two looked at each other however Severus knew he had to recover his emotions, or he would lose control of himself and his class.

'Silence!' Severus said in one of his most dangerous voices and glared round the whispering room, even at his own Slytherin students. Severus wasn't a man who needed to shout to get heard, the lower his voice was, by now his students knew that would mean he was at his worst. 'That just cost you ten more points, and a detention, Mr. Potter. I will not tolerate your attitudes in my class,' Severus said coldly, and giving him a glare turned to walk away.

'Fine, then I won't be in your class anymore,' a low icy tone said from behind him, and turning back in shock saw Harry glaring back at him with the coldest expression he'd ever seen from the boy, one that vaguely reminded him of someone else. Before Severus could even respond however he watched almost in slow motion as Harry got up without a word, and headed towards the doors of the classroom.

'Potter! Potter, get back in your seat! Potter, I'm warning you!' Severus yelled out and started to follow him to force him back to his seat, but before he could reach the boy he was already gone.

Severus stood there for a moment in pure shock at what Harry had just done, really not knowing what to do about it. For half a moment he wanted to run after Harry, however glances from the students near him warned him that he had to do something in order to save face. To run after Harry Potter would throw away everything he'd done the last seventeen years, and he wasn't ready to do that.

He quickly walked back to his desk with a scowl back on his face and turned to face the rest of the class. 'Continue to do your work. Anyone, and I mean anyone, who dares say a word until class is over receives a week's detention,' he said glaring at the Gryffindors in particular. Personally though his mood right now was so confused he'd probably have given even one of his own Slytherins a detention if they had so much as stepped a toe out of line.

Severus sat down at his desk and pretended to grade some papers, however his mind was far away from those papers, in fact it was focused on only one thing - the green eyed boy who'd just left his classroom, and the looks that Harry had given him. He knew Harry's hatred of him was deep rooted, and not without cause. In the last six years Severus had gone out of his way to openly antagonize and belittle the boy, even if the reasons behind his open hostilities were valid, those reasons known only to a few.

Thankfully there was only half hour left of class, and with a deep scowl he dismissed his gratefully silent class with a wave of his hand. Double Potions was the last class of the day for him today,and right at that moment that fact was a godsend more than any other time he'd ever remembered. Making sure the students were well and truly gone he quickly sped down the dungeon corridors to another area of the castle, and he silently prayed that who he sought out now would be available.

Knocking loudly on a door so as not to raise suspicion if anyone passed by he was rewarded when seconds later a voice called out, 'Come in!'

He opened the door and walked into the room quickly, then stopped short not more than two feet in. The man sitting at the desk looked at him and shook his head slightly as if in warning before smiling brightly and saying, 'Do come in Severus, what can I do for you?'

Severus didn't move for a moment, instead he took a quick glance at the person speaking and then to the person who was sitting near that person in a student's desk, surprisingly in tears. The person crying was none other then the person he'd wanted to run after, and seeing the boy like this a hundred different things ran through his mind at once. However there was no way he could let the boy see him in this confused state, even if the adult in the room knew all too well what Severus was feeling.

Schooling himself back into his traditional scowl he nodded slightly at the other professor and said, 'I only came to remind you there's a meeting later this evening in the Headmaster's office. This time try not to be late if you don't mind, Lupin.'

Remus Joseph Lupin, Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor for the second year in a row after having been convinced to return by Albus after no one else wanted the job thinking that it was jinxed, nodded his head back slightly. Though his expression was neutral, Severus saw the tiniest spark of concern in Remus's eyes as they shifted for a moment to Harry, who was at the moment keeping his face turned as far away as possible from Severus. 'Of course, Severus, I'll be there. And I will try this time not to be late.'

'Good. Some of us have better things to do with our time then sit round waiting for you to decide to finally appear,' Severus said in a cool voice, and with the barest of glances at Harry he turned on his heel and headed back out of the classroom in a huff.

It wasn't until he got to his private rooms a few moments later that he allowed himself to exhale a long drawn-out breath of air. He made his way over to the silver and green coloured sofa by the fireplace and sank down wearily, his mind in turmoil and suddenly he felt every bit of his thirty-eight years of life, if not twice that age even. Though it was actually warm in the room he felt a shiver go down his spine as he remembered the stained cheeks of the boy he'd just seen. It was all too blatant that he himself had been responsible for those tears, considering the way Harry wouldn't even look at him in the room.

For the first time in seventeen years Severus began to wonder if he really had done the right thing all these years ago in the decisions he had to make. Really at that time he had little options in the matter all told, there was nothing he could have done otherwise or years of work would have been ruined. He knew though if he really had wanted to accept fate, if he had wanted to accept the responsibilities of what his actions were and what had come of those actions, he'd have fought harder for certain things. Certain rights that were undeniably his and his alone now, but that were as far out of reach as the moon and the stars when all was said and done.

Leaning his head back he closed his eyes and remembered a by-gone era. He remembered a time in which things had been better, when he still had choices, before his life taken a turn for the worse. He wished for the millionth time to go back to the time before the lies and betrayals began, before he became powerless to stop them, and before friends died before his very eyes. He remembered the last time he had ever truly been allowed to be happy and carefree, to be able to have everything he could have ever wanted...before one man chose to destroy it all. And not for the last time he remember how to this very day he wished that he had a chance to change it all, to take back the pain and suffering, and to reveal the secrets he'd hidden for so very long to the person who needed it right now the most.

~~~~~

Meanwhile, back in the DADA classroom, Remus Lupin was having some misgivings of his own, and he honestly didn't know what to do about them either. He had known Harry now for nearly five years, and in all that time he really didn't 'know' what was going on with the lad. Harry had been pretty open with Remus on a lot of things over the last year since Remus had returned to teach and had the means and time to spend with Harry, not that he was a replacement for Sirius however.

Remus knew Harry loved his godfather more than anything on earth. He loved Sirius for the safety and security his godfather's presence brought to him amongst other things. Whenever Harry needed Sirius he had been there in person if possible, if not then by post or Floo message. Remus was content in being a second father figure to Harry, and Harry had now adopted him in a way as a second godfather even. Remus knew that for those times Sirius wasn't there, or for whenever Harry had needed a physical being to talk to, or for when he just needed to have company that wasn't his friends, Remus would be there for the boy no matter what.

Remus knew that Ron and Hermione were very special to Harry, but even friends needed their 'time-off' sometimes. If there was one thing Remus knew better than anyone it was that time alone could be more beneficial for a person than any friend could ever be. No matter how much Remus had in his youth adored and loved his friends, the very nature of what he was warranted his times of solitude, and like the werewolf side of Remus, he knew Harry needed that alone time to battle his inner demons. Sometimes however Remus wished he had had someone to fall back on when he had needed it all those years ago, which is why he had made special arrangements with Harry last year in private.

The agreement between them was simple. Any time Harry needed to be alone, but didn't really want to be 'alone' per se, he could come to Remus, providing that Remus wasn't in the middle of a class. They didn't even have to talk if Harry didn't want to, and sometimes they didn't, but Remus knew Harry appreciated the type of solitude he offered the boy. Just knowing Remus was there if Harry needed him was enough sometimes, but as of late that didn't seem enough, which worried Remus deeply.

Since the moment Harry had flown into his classroom over half an hour ago Remus knew Harry was in one of his 'quiet' moods. That he needed the company of Remus without the questions. Even when he saw the silent tears Harry was shedding, Remus knew not to ask, instead he waited patiently to see if Harry would fill him in. Sometimes when Harry was quiet like this he would break open and bear his mind, and those times Remus and he would discuss how Harry was feeling about the situation at hand. Lately however Harry didn't even want to discuss things anymore, another thing that had Remus worried, and tears like Harry was shedding today were very rare, so Remus had double reasons to be concerned.

However, Severus's arrival just now, and the way Harry had stiffened up and reacted at his arrival, showed Remus all too clearly that Severus had been the likely cause of whatever was going on with the boy right now. But if Severus was the cause of today's tryst of emotions, then he didn't understand the tears Harry was shedding. Why on earth would Harry shed tears over a row with his Potions Professor when Severus had clearly shown him nothing but hate for the past six years, and Harry had returned that hate in kind?

If Harry didn't want to talk about what was bothering him however, there wasn't much Remus could do but wait. To break the carefully laid rule of privacy that he gave Harry could do more damage then good, and that wasn't something Remus was willing to do. He watched Harry for a moment and saw he was still tense and facing the wall, though the tears had stopped at least for the moment. Mentally sighing in frustration he turned his attention back to the papers on his desk, though he knew at the moment it was of little use, his mind was too focused on Harry.

About ten minutes later Remus saw Harry wipe away the remaining tears and without a word or even a glance at Remus, the boy got up and walked out of the classroom, a bitter and saddened look on his face. When Harry was gone Remus sighed openly and got up from his desk with a stretch, and with a determined look in his eyes he knew exactly what he had to do now.

Putting the papers together on his desk neatly, as well as tidying up a few other things to occupy his mind he finally headed out of the classroom, one destination in mind. Without even knocking Remus opened the door of the room he was seeking, making sure to close the door firmly behind him, whilst uttered a locking spell and a silencing spell so he wouldn't be disturbed. Making his way over to another door in the back of the room he pulled the door open harder then he had intended, causing some jars to rattle, even a few to fall off the shelf and shatter to the floor.

'You could try knocking instead of half destroying my ingredients you know, Lupin,' a voice said thickly from inside the second room.

Remus scowled at the man and muttered a clean up spell to replace what had broken, then walked inside the room closing the door firmly but less aggressively behind him. He then walked over and sat down on the same sofa the man he had sought out was sitting on. 'You mind telling me what the hell is going on here today?' he said, levelling a stern, angry gaze on the man.

Remus saw Severus look back at him for a moment with a strange look in his eyes, then Severus sighed and closed the book he'd been attempting to read. It had been a gift to the other man last year from Remus, and he was somewhat glad to see that Severus had actually enjoyed the book, despite it being written by a Muggle. 'The Collected Works of Sherlock Holmes' was the title of it, it had actually been a first printing, and Remus had used nearly everything that had been left in his Gringott's vault at the time to get it for Severus, though he never would admit that to anyone.

Remus had always felt that Severus had a lot in common with the man named Sherlock Holmes, which was probably why Severus enjoyed the books as he did. Holmes was always leading a double life, he was always forced into playing deadly games that required disguising how he really felt, what he looked like, and what the real truths were. Like Holmes, Severus too had a passion for music, the violin in particular, though very few knew about this aspect of Severus Snape.

Remus knew that Severus had very carefully built up his reputation as the greasy haired slimy git Potion Master for very good reasons. Another thing that made him so much like Sherlock Holmes was that Severus was a man with passions and desires hidden well underneath his outwardly cold and harsh exterior. Inside however was also a man who had suffered greatly for his short amount of years, and Remus knew Severus had seen more than his share of death and destruction when he should have been doing nothing more than living his life to the fullest.

'He didn't tell you then I take it,' Severus said softly now interrupting Remus's musing, and then leaned his head back against the sofa cushions, closing his eyes a moment.

'No, he said nothing to me, Severus. He only walked in, well ran in more like it, then sat down and then the tears started. Then just as suddenly he left with a look on his face that scared me. He was so sad, so torn up...and worse, terribly bitter about something,' Remus said with a wearied sigh and leaned back settling himself down into the sofa as well.

'I don't understand it, Lupin. All I did today was what I usually do and say to him. Nothing out of the ordinary,' Severus said thoughtfully, and reopened his eyes to look over at Remus.

'In other words, you were your usual bastard self to him,' Remus said with a bemused chuckle.

Severus snorted and shook his head. 'Certain things have to remain the way they are, Lupin, you know that. I can't just suddenly- ' he began but was cut off.

'Bollocks, Sev and you know it. How much longer are you going to let this continue?' Remus said in a wearied voice.

'As long as I have to, Lupin. We've been over this a thousand times, I don't have a choice here. I didn't have one then, and I definitely don't now,' Severus said, surprisingly quietly.

'That's not true, you do have a choice now, you just refuse to make it,' Remus said argumentatively.

Severus shook his head and sighed deeply. 'No, Lupin, I don't. And don't start spouting off the same old crap you usually give me about this, because right now I am not in the mood for it, as if you couldn't tell,' Severus said with a scowl.

Remus looked at Severus tenderly, which would have surprised anyone who knew these two since they'd been enemies for as long as anyone could remember. Gazing his golden brown eyes deep into Severus's coal black ones he said in a quiet voice, 'All right, Severus, I won't push this further, I know it'll do no good anyways. But one day you'll have to make the choice, and maybe by then it will be too late.'

Severus looked back at Remus with a very unguarded and open expression then, one that had anyone else had seen would have made them wonder how this person could actually have emotions, let alone towards the person before him. 'You're the one who told me it's never too late. That it's never too late to have hopes and dreams, and to make them come true. Are you telling me now that I shouldn't believe in that after all?' he said back in a quiet and very revealing tone of voice.

Remus looked at Severus and a small but sad smile came across his lips. Shaking his head he said slowly, 'I've been known to be wrong before, Severus Snape.'

Severus did something then that no one would believe him capable of, he actually chuckled and then smiled at Remus. 'The day you are that wrong, Remus Joseph Lupin, is the day I will stop believing and give up everything in it's entirety.'

Remus gave a chuckle himself and shook his head. 'You put too much faith in me sometimes, Severus. I'm not so sure I'm ready for that,' he said softly.

'No, in that you are wrong, Remus. I don't put too much faith in you these days....I don't put enough,' Severus said quietly.

'I just wish Harry felt that way too,' Remus sighed. 'I don't know what to do any more Sev. I'm lost here, and honestly I don't know how much more I can take of this. Week after week, month after month. Potions, charms...how much more can the three of us do to keep it hidden from him? Are we really doing him any good with it all? Wouldn't it be easier just to tell him the truth now?'

'Remus, don't even start this again. The two of us agreed on this more years ago than I care to remember, before it all went to hell in a handbasket. We can't go back on what we agreed upon then, nor in what the three of us have agreed to continue with now. He hates me, and that's the way it should be. That's the way it needs to be, for all our sakes,' Severus said with bitter regret in his voice.

'That's just it, Sev, I don't think he does hate you. Honestly, I don't think he has it in him to really 'hate' anyone, except Voldemort of course,' Remus said with a slight shiver.

'Hate can be used in different forms Remus, you and I know that better than anyone. Voldemort and I deserve his hate though....I especially deserve it for what I've done,' Severus said in a low, pained voice.

Remus sighed and shook his head and put his hand on to rest on Severus's arm. 'No, Severus, you of all people don't deserve hatred from Harry. You did what you could, then and now, what happened wasn't your fault. If Harry knew the truth I'm sure he would accept it, and agree on that as well.'

'It's irrelevant, because he never will know the truth, Remus. There's only four people alive now who know the truth and if any of you ever dare break the sworn words of secrecy on it I'll- ' Severus scowled though was cut off before he could finish his words.

'You'll what? Kill us?' Remus said cutting him off with a light chuckle. 'Oh don't worry, we have no intentions of betraying you, Sev. But this cannot go on much longer. Something is going on with him, something deeper then it appears. If something isn't said or done soon, I'm truly afraid we're going to lose him, or perhaps even worse.'

Severus glanced up at Remus sharply at those words. 'What in the blazes do you mean by that, Remus?'

Remus looked at Severus speculatively, debating whether or not he should tell Severus something that Harry had told him not long ago. However, though he didn't want to break Harry's trust in him, he knew Severus would hold the secret, even at the cost of his life if need be. 'Harry's going through changes, Severus, very big ones. He's very much alone in what's going on, and I know he's very scared as well. Though I don't know exactly what it is, whatever is happening to him, it's eating him up inside. There's other things as well, things I've noticed since he came back from those dratted Dursley's. Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything at all?'

Severus had noticed things going on with Harry the last few weeks, but had tried to keep his distance. Nodding slowly however he said, 'I have noticed a few things, yes, but what could I possibly do about it? It's not like I can just award him house points for falling asleep in my class now can I, Remus? I have to take them away and give him detention for that, Gryffindor or not. Besides, if I had done anything other than that- '

'So that's what this was all about then?' Remus asked cutting Severus off again mid-sentence. 'I can understand then why he was upset, the tears I can't explain however. I realize that out there you can't exactly do anything to alleviate the situation but...still...what could have brought on tears?' Remus asked thoughtfully.

'I don't understand that either. You do know that I can't do anything anywhere, Remus, not in private and especially in public, you know that as well as I do. Don't you think I wanted to run after him when he stormed out? Do you think I didn't see the look on his face in your classroom when I entered, the way he stiffened up and refused to even look at me? Do you think this is easy wanting to know what's going on with him, without it looking too suspicious?' Severus asked angrily.

'Calm down, Severus, it's no good being angry at me. I know what you're going through remember, I'm here, I see it every day. I know you aren't comfortable with things, I can understand that too, but by the Gods, man, think about Harry here as well! Unlike you, Sev, Harry doesn't have anyone who could understand what he's going through right now. Not Ron, not Hermione...he has no one. If you for just half a moment remember how much trouble you had accepting the way you were back then, imagine what Harry's going through right now,' Remus muttered.

'What does that mean, Remus? Will you stop playing round robin with me here and just tell me what the hell you think is going on here already?' Severus said with a scowl.

Remus looked intensely at Severus a moment, and then sighed deeply. 'I promised Harry that I wouldn't tell anyone this, but right now I think it's needed. During last term Harry came to me in tears, so badly hurting on the inside that I ached just seeing him like that. Since Sirius was away if you recall for a few months in Russia on an Order assignment for a few months, Harry came to me with this 'problem' instead. At first he didn't really want to talk about it, but I managed to somehow coax it out of him because I saw how much it was tearing him up inside,' Remus said hesitantly, remembering that day like it was yesterday.

'It...being?' Severus said, levelling his gaze on Remus.

Remus sighed. 'It being....that....' he said unsure now himself if he was doing the right thing by telling Severus Harry's 'secret'.

'Will you just say it already for Salazar's sake, Remus!' Severus said impatiently now.

Remus drew in his breath and looked Severus full in the eyes. 'Harry is like....we are...Sev. And truthfully, he's so ashamed of himself because of it...that it's destroying him.'

Severus looked at Remus with a stricken look in his eyes and he whistled softly. 'By the gods...are...are you sure about this, Remus?' he asked slowly.

Remus nodded. 'Positive, Sev. Can you imagine what we went through being comparative nobodies, over what he's feeling being who he is?'

'I believe Hell looked good to us back then too if I recall, especially when certain people found out about...well...certain things. But times have changed for our world, even if not completely for the best, it's at least better than it was,' Severus said with a sigh.

'Changed as they may be in acceptance for us, Harry was raised by Muggles when all is said and done, Severus. Muggles that have not changed, and the specific Muggles in question...well one can imagine what they must have brought him up to believe,' Remus said almost angrily.

'I'm not sure I want to imagine it actually, though it's my fault it's that way,' Severus said darkly.

'It's not your damned fault, Sev, stop being an arse about it. It's over and done with, and had there been other ways I know you would have chosen them. However, I suppose under the circumstances, it's inevitable that Harry would feel the way he does about all of this. As for us, considering things are what they are today, I dare say some things have gotten better, we just need to let him know that somehow without letting on too much ourselves,' Remus said softly.

'That's the pot calling the cauldron black hmm? To tell him that it's wrong to be that way would be hypocritical, but to tell him it isn't would give away secrets that need to be kept secret for the time being,' Severus said with a sigh.

'Neither way would be of much help really, considering his views and how he feels at the moment. Even if Sirius himself were to tell him it's all right to feel the way he does, I doubt he'd believe it. That's if Sirius knew about this in the first place.'

Severus stared at Remus in shock. 'You're not saying that Black doesn't know about this?'

'That's exactly what I'm saying, Sev. Harry's so embarrassed and ashamed of himself that he can't tell Sirius the truth, and I will not betray Harry's confidence in me either on this. He admitted to me that he thinks Sirius would hate him or abandon him for how he feels. By Merlin, if only he could know the truth about all of us hmm? Can you imagine how different things might be for him?' Remus said sighing deeply.

Severus groaned and muttered an oath. 'Unbelievable. How stupid can the boy be to think that way?'

Remus glared at Severus a moment for that comment. 'He's not stupid, Severus, he's scared. That's two different things. You of all people should know that.'

'Don't you dare, Remus Lupin. I am not being stupid nor scared in those particular matters,' Severus shot back coldly.

'Oh? Then what are you being, Severus? Harry needs something that you could provide for him, and you refuse to do so. If that isn't being stupid, then what the hell is?' Remus bit back icily.

'It's called caution, Remus. There's a war going on out there in case you've forgotten. A war we can win, as long as Harry Potter is in a fit enough state to do so.'

'And how much longer do you think Harry will be in a 'fit enough state' to do so, Severus? He needs help, more then I can give, more then even Sirius can give. It's not just the revelations he's discovered about himself, or the scared feelings he's feeling. He's changing in other ways, and even you can't be blind enough not to see them!' Remus said angrily.

'Then forgive me for being 'blind' as you put it, Remus, but other then falling sleep in my class today, I fail to see any 'changes'. Please, do enlighten me!' Severus barked.

Remus looked at Severus astonished. 'Does the fact that he's turned a cold shoulder to people, that he's withdrawing himself away from everyone and everything going on around him lately say anything to you, Severus? Haven't you noticed that he's not even keeping up the pretence of trying to keep a brave face on all the time like he used to? That his hair that used to be like James's...short and mussy...is suddenly looking a lot more like someone else's these days? Or that he's lost weight and become paler than normal? That he barely even wants to participate in his classes anymore, and not even Quidditch seems to take his fancy lately?'

Severus's mind fleetingly brought up an image of Harry, and it was with dawning realization that Remus was right. With a heavy sigh and a body full of mixed feelings he put his book on a side table and got up from the sofa. He then walked over to the fireplace and drew out a picture from behind something on the mantel, looking down at it with a surprisingly tender expression as he put one hand up to the picture and rubbed it gently with his thumb.

'I promised her you know. I promised them both. I don't deserve to be trusted, Remus...not for what I did,' he said in a small, quiet voice.

Remus looked at Severus with a pained expression. Getting up he walked over next to Severus and peered down at the picture he was looking at, a small sigh escaping his lips. Putting his hand on Severus's shoulder he said gently, 'The past is the past Sev, you can't change what happened back then. However you still have the chance to fix things, to make them better now...with Harry. He needs you more than he realises, probably as much as you need him right now.'

Severus closed his eyes a moment and shivered, ghostly images of the past creeping back in and haunting him. 'And what will happen when everything he knows....everything he believes in....when that's shattered and gone....'

'Then we will all pick up the pieces, Severus, as we always have,' Remus said softly.

'But we haven't, not always. I drove you away...I hurt you so badly...I still don't know why you're doing this, why you're still here...you shouldn't be,' Severus said sadly and turned to Remus.

'Because it was my choice to make this time, Severus, and I chose to make my amends for the past. I hurt you as badly as you hurt me, but we can't live in the past, only learn from it, move on from it, and build on it for the future. And right now you have a chance to give Harry a future which he deserves to have, don't make the same mistakes twice, Sev...don't throw it away this time,' Remus said softly.

'Will...you be here if I do make the decision to do this? Will you promise me that, Remus?' Severus said in half a whisper, looking very lost all of a sudden.

Remus nodded slowly and a small smile flickered onto his lips. 'You know I will, Severus. I'll always be here for you...even when you threw me away I didn't stop feeling what I did...I didn't stay away...I couldn't...not forever anyways I couldn't.'

Severus managed a small half smile himself at that. 'You should have stayed away, you both should have, it might have been easier for all of us if you had you know.'

'No, Severus, it wouldn't have been easier, you needed to feel again, he needed to live again, and I needed simply all of it. There's nothing wrong with needs getting fulfilled when they can,' Remus said firmly. 'You make your decisions as you will, but make them soon. I don't know how much longer Harry can deal with what's going on, nor what he'll do next. Today was the first day I've seen him cry like that since he told me what he had half a year ago, and I'm worried he might do something he shouldn't...' Remus said, letting that thought trail off, hoping Severus would understand what he meant.

'You...you don't think he'd....do what I tried to do back then, do you, Remus?' Severus said worriedly now, a stricken look in his eyes.

Remus sighed. 'I don't know honestly, but right now I can say he's very much like a certain person I once knew. For that matter, I wouldn't give it a seconds hesitation in thinking how very much like that person he's turning into so the possibilities are there.'

Severus actually chuckled at that even though the situation was dire. Shaking his head he put the picture back in its hiding place then turned to face Remus again, who was looking at him questioningly. 'May Merlin help him then....for I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies,' he said sadly.

Remus grinned at that. 'In the end though that person turned out not so bad if I recall, and I sincerely hope Harry will too. After all, it's in the blood you know,' he said smiling tenderly at Severus.

Severus smiled back and nodded, then put his hand on Remus's arm in a surprisingly tender manner. 'For all our sakes, I hope he does turn out all right, Remus. I sincerely hope he does.'

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2002-06-05 6:14:52 PM
Edited on: December 01, 2002 8:54 PM ©Piriotessa/Piri Lupin-Snape/Piri Malfoy