The Day After

The Day After

It's quiet in here. And dark. Moonlight has been blocked out by thick, black curtains. Certainly Madam Pomfrey's work. It annoys me; I like to watch the faint glow of the moon and the stars dancing on the ceiling at night. It must be about two or three o'clock in the morning. I smell the cup of tea that was brought to me a few hours ago and which I ignored on my bedside table. It's probably stone cold by now. I don't want it.

I don't want any of this anymore.

For the first time in my entire life, I understand how somebody can have the will to die. Not even in my first year, the year I lived behind a mask, the year I opened the Chamber of Secrets, not even then, did I ever lose my faith in life. But now I understand. I understand why somebody would die for this. All the happy people... I understand. If my death would result in so many happy people, I would have wanted to die as well. But I wonder: Why am I not happy, why am I not part of them, of all those happy people? Perhaps I'd have rather died as well. After all, I could have... I could have died by his side. Now he is gone - gone forever. And I don't know when I will have the chance to die again.... It sounds wrong, but in that moment last night, I wanted to die. I couldn't have cared less about life. And now... I am not sure what to think, now that he is gone. Bitterly, I remember that I would have discussed that with him. Yes, we would have discussed it together. Who will I talk to now?

It's not that I loved him the way I used to when I was so much younger. I was not in love with him anymore, the way it was long ago. I did not desire to be with him, I did not desire to kiss him. No, I didn't. I didn't desire a romance with him. We had something much deeper than youth romance - because, let's face it: How many romances in your young life turn out to be for life? No, that is not what I wanted. And he didn't want it either. We talked about it countless times. I know what he thought about this and he knew my view as well. After all, he was my dearest friend. Yes, he was. It had not always been that way, but in the last two years, we were best friends - I dare say better friends than he ever was with Ron or Hermione; they did not really know how to handle him. If his temper flared up as it used to so often, they would become quiet and let it die down. They never understood that letting him have his way all the time would only make it worse. I never tolerated him yelling at me. Never. At the beginning he was confused when I retaliated. But he got used to it. He told me that he needed me as a kind of opponent, a person that would not worship everything he said, a person he could have a serious disagreement with, a person that would calm him down from time to time. Did I need him? Yes, I seriously did. I needed him as a friend. Of course, I have become rather close to Hermione as the years passed, but I also needed a different kind of friendship. Not the usual girl-to-girl friendship. It can become quite boring at times. At least for me. I don't mean to say Hermione is a bad friend. It just isn't enough. There was a kind of fire or electricity in my friendship with Harry. It hurts to think about him. I wipe my tears away almost angrily.

I'm so tired of being here.

The events of yesterday are blurred in my mind, yet sharp and hot is the outcome. I should be happy, even though I have lost a precious friend; now the world is at peace, I should be happy. Now there is no more fear. Now life can be lived without death and darkness. He died for this peace. Why do I not appreciate it the way I should, why? I think there still is one thing that preoccupies my thoughts, one thing that will decide if I will want to live or not. One thing that will tell me if the world can change or if it does not; if I can find a friend again. I must find out. I must know. It might be able to cure the pain, the loss....

The events of yesterday. I live through them yet again.

~*~

It was Saturday morning. Nothing special. I got up fairly early to find Harry already awake. He was sitting in the common room, alone, staring into the fire.

"Hey," I said and sat down next to him.

"Morning, Gin," he spoke silently and looked up at me. "Why are you already up?"

"No idea. I couldn't sleep," I replied and smiled at him. "You don't seem to have had much of a night either."

"No, not really," he said and grinned at me. "You do realize that you're annoying, don't you? I don't seem to be able to hide much from you."

I did not respond. Something in the way he had said that last sentence, something in his voice, in the words he had chosen, something in his eyes, something made me wonder. I couldn't figure it out. I only knew: He is hiding something from you. And he wants you to find out, he wants you to know, he needs you to know, he needs to speak about it - but he can't.

I was about to ask when Ron came down the staircase from the boys' dormitories. I could have cursed him. I probably did under my breath. Ron's a goof. A good-natured, nice and caring one, but a goof. He doesn't get hints, no matter how obvious they are; he is far too naïve and jumps to conclusions too quickly. Well, either way, I couldn't ask Harry now.

Hermione joined us not long after and the four of us went down together for an early breakfast. Seven o'clock on a Saturday is the crack of dawn after all. Again, something made me wonder. Why had we all gotten up so early, what had troubled our sleep? Not one of us lost a word about it, so I wondered silently to myself. I could not find an answer.

After breakfast we went back to the common room and Harry played Wizards' Chess against Ron while Hermione and I watched. Well, actually Hermione, Harry and I were playing Wizards' Chess against Ron because we wanted to beat Ron. It was fun - we do it quite often. Or at least we used to. But I noticed quickly that my mind was not focused on the game. Not really.

"Knight to E4," Ron declared.

"Right. Uhm... should I move the queen?" Harry asked.

"No, no, don't. She's protecting the king from his bishop there," Hermione said and pointed to Ron's white bishop.

"Oh. Then we could move this pawn here-"

"No, we can't do that either. See his tower, Harry? The pawn is also protecting the king. You can't move him away - Ron's tower could check your king," Hermione argued.

"Great," Harry said and fell silent for a while. "Ginny? A little help would be appreciated."

"What?" I said, startled. I had no idea where the game was at; I had been looking out of the window on the other side of the room.

"Forget it," Ron said triumphantly. "I'm winning as always. Thanks, sis'."

"Hmm? Oh. Right. Right," I said and tried to concentrate.

"Well, I'll just move this knight here, it'll take his pawn. Knight to H5," Harry said and the little black figure smashed Ron's white pawn.

"Thanks mate! That queen of yours... is mine," Ron said and a tower of his dragged the black queen off the board.

Of course, Ron won. He always did, after all. We were just thinking about starting a few games of Exploding Snap - because Ron's quite a miserable Exploding Snap player - when the portrait hole opened and Professor McGonagall stepped in. I don't know why, but my heart stopped beating for a moment or two. She looked very grave and, coming to think about it, how often would she appear in the common room on a Saturday morning? How often would she appear in the common room at all? I have a few brief memories of her coming in... when the Chamber of Secrets was opened... when Sirius Black had been on the loose... Sirius... the thought hurt.

"Mr Potter? Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you in his office," she said.

Did I imagine the look of panic in Harry's eyes? Did I imagine the trembling undertone in his voice? Did I imagine his hands shaking before he hid them in the pockets of his robes?

"Yes. Of course."

Harry left with her. Again, did I imagine the quick, frightened glance back at me? I don't think so. I don't think I imagined any of those things. But at that moment, I told myself I was seeing things, I told myself nothing was wrong. That everything was only built up on that slightest suspicion that he was hiding something from me, from us; hiding something he didn't want to keep to himself. I told myself not to be silly. I would talk to him about it later. Just to reassure myself. Just to push the fear away.

~*~

Harry returned just before lunchtime. By then, I was nearly losing my mind with fear. The worst thing was that Ron and Hermione didn't find anything in the slightest suspicious - at least, they didn't make any comments about Dumbledore wanting to see Harry. After Professor McGonagall had left with him, Ron and Hermione had gone to the library. After all, they had a fair amount of work to do... their NEWTs were approaching. I was glad to be able to talk to Harry privately when he came back from Dumbledore's office. I motioned him to sit down and tried to find a way to explain what was going through my mind.

"Listen. Harry, I know that-"

"Gin," he interrupted me silently, sitting in his usual seat in the common room, staring into the fire once again. "I'm scared. This peace has lasted for too long. Dumbledore says that something is bound to be upon us soon. Voldemort has rested for too long."

It took a while for me to recover from his words. Dumbledore had talked to him about Voldemort, yet again? The bad feeling in my stomach was increasing by the minute. We all knew about the prophecy. We all knew that Harry had had intense training, both mental and physical in the last one and a half years, ever since Dumbledore had told him about the prophecy. And I had believed Dumbledore wanted to speak to Harry about Occlumency lessons or his self-defence training.

"Don't say things like that," I finally replied weakly. "Voldemort (like Hermione, I had started using his name a while ago) is not about to burst into school. He's going to wait until you are not protected anymore by Dumbledore, until you finish Hogwarts... on any account, he doesn't even know for sure what the whole prophecy is about, there is no need to worry about it right now..."

"He has found out exactly what Trelawney said in the prophecy. He knows," Harry said abruptly.

Again, I found it hard to breathe. I stumbled back and sunk into a chair near him, lost for words. Why? How? The prophecy was kept well by the members of the Order of the Phoenix; there was no copy left in the Department of Mysteries; how, how on earth could he have found out?

"What?" I whispered at long last. "How... how did he-"

"I don't know. Dumbledore didn't tell me more. He just said I... said I ought to prepare for the worst."

"The... the worst?" I repeated anxiously. "Not... not-"

"The last - my last - encounter with Voldemort. For better or worse," he said silently and surprisingly calm.

"No... no, I don't want to... I refuse to believe that..." I said and brought my hands to my head, feeling hopeless, feeling confused. I hadn't expected it to be as bad as this. I was not prepared for it. I was helpless.

"What... what is your plan?" I asked as I regained a bit of my composure.

"I must duel him on his own. He knows that as well as I do."

"Yes, but-"

"I can't say more."

I fought back tears and nodded. "I know. I've been suspecting this all day."

"Suspecting what?" Harry asked quickly.

"That there is something you are dreading. And that you're not allowed to talk to anybody about it. Or at least, you think it's better for us," I said. I knelt down on the floor in front of him and took his hands in mine. "Harry, whatever you must do - don't believe an instant, not one, don't believe that you are alone. I would want to carry this burden with you voluntarily to make it easier; if only there was a way to do so, I would do it. Whatever it is, don't keep it from me thinking that it will be easier for me to live if I don't know it. Do you hear me? Don't do that to me.... Don't do that to yourself, Harry. I know you are strong, and you have to be, but don't make it harder for yourself than it already is."

Harry stayed quiet for a long time. His green eyes searched me before he got up from his seat, pulled me up and hugged me carefully. I laid my arms around his neck and stroked his messy jet-black hair softly, trying to keep myself from crying. I had just told him that I was strong enough to help him - I could not allow myself to cry, to show tears. I was strong. I had to be strong. For him.

We were interrupted in our long embrace by Ron and Hermione. They had come into Gryffindor tower because it was just before lunchtime and they didn't want to carry their books around with them all day. They stood rooted on the spot in front of the portrait hole for a long time, I think. Harry let go of me and we both jumped as Ron suddenly laughed and came towards us. We hadn't noticed them being there at all.

"Mate, I knew something was going on between the two of you! I knew it!"

Hermione didn't say anything at all; she just stood next to us, grinning from ear to ear, her heavy bag, crammed with books, hanging from her shoulder.

"I mean, Gin's had a crush on you since she first saw you! It's about time you realized that!" Ron said and clapped his hand on Harry's shoulder. "But I warn you, even though you're my friend, Harry: You don't want to know what will happen to you if you hurt her..."

"Uhm... Ron-" I tried tentatively.

"Oh, this is wonderful!" Hermione exclaimed suddenly, beaming. "I mean, you've been so much closer than you used to be, especially in these last two years..."

"Hermione... we're not-" Harry tried at his turn. I could see him grinning at their assumption, but I think Hermione and Ron were convinced that he was happy because we were going out.

"It's okay mate, I'm happy to see that Gin's picked someone reasonable enough this time - not like that Michael Corner or-"

"RON! We're not going out!" I yelled, laughing. "We're just friends!"

At my side, Harry sat down in his seat again, laughing at Ron's and Hermione's stupefied faces. They really were priceless. Ron's mouth was hanging open and his eyes were darting from Harry back to me all the time; Hermione looked as if she wasn't sure if we were joking and if we weren't, she didn't seem to be able to make up her mind if it was a good thing that we were not going out.

"What d'you mean-"

"Just friends," Harry chuckled. "Just friends hugging, nothing more."

"But-" Hermione started.

"Friends. You know... like you and Ron or you and Harry are friends, Hermione," I explained, unable to conceal my grin.

"Oh," Ron said weakly.

"Oh," Hermione repeated.

They still stared at us unbelievingly; but finally Ron and Hermione seemed to understand. They exchanged two embarrassed glances as I grinned at them.

"There's no need to be all quiet. Harry and I are just friends. Close friends perhaps, but friends. I'm not eleven years old anymore."

Harry had calmed down from his laughing fit and nodded. "There's no need to look disappointed. We both don't want more than our friendship - believe me, Gin and I have had long talks about this issue."

"Long talks?" Ron and Hermione asked in unison.

"Well... yes - why not?" I asked back, quizzically.

"It's just... it's just that-"

"That you never told us about it," Hermione finished Ron's sentence almost reproachfully.

"There's not much to talk about, is there? What's so unusual about friends having a conversation every once in a while?" Harry shrugged.

"Well... nothing really, but..." Hermione said slowly.

"But?" I asked.

"Well, we just thought you were both... you know..." Ron said helplessly.

"Both what?" Harry asked, looking quite surprised.

"We thought you were both, well, interested in one another," Hermione said and let herself fall into an armchair.

Harry and I both giggled and exchanged amused glances.

"Nope," he said.

"Not really," I added.

Ron sat down as well, so I followed their example and sat on a low stool, still grinning. But a second later, as Ron asked a simple question, I tensed up immediately.

"So what did Dumbledore want to talk about?"

Harry shot me a short glance the others did not notice. His earlier grin was wiped from his face as he slowly told them about his meeting with Dumbledore.

~*~

It happened at lunchtime. The bad news from the morning had hardly had time to settle in, when Dumbledore got up from his seat at the teachers' table, wearing dark-blue, velvety robes and a matching, pointy wizards' hat. He waited for the students to be quiet before he spoke calmly.

"I am very sorry for bringing this theme up again this school year - I, like many others among us, had hoped that our year could come and pass peacefully. However, the consequences of recent events must be calculated. I was contacted by the Ministry of Magic a few hours ago..." Dumbledore said, looking extremely grave. "Due to certain indications, we are forced to assume that the Dark Lord is planning an attack... an attack on Hogwarts."

"No," I whispered, terrified, and turned to Harry who was sitting next to me looking extremely pale. This was bad news. If Dumbledore was talking to the whole school about it, it could only mean that it was going to happen soon. Very soon.

An immediate wave of panic swept the Great Hall. Students exchanged shocked whispers with their neighbours, anxious glances, then turned back to staring at Dumbledore, lost for words, horrified, waiting for him to come up with a solution. Dumbledore waited for the last murmurs to die down before he continued earnestly.

"I ask you to remain calm. You will be staying in the Great Hall for the rest of the day. It is easier to protect you here. The staff and I will ensure your safety by putting special charms all over the Great Hall as well as Hogwarts on the whole. The prefects will guard the Great Hall from the inside, head boy and girl will join the staff."

At my side, Hermione nodded seriously, white as a sheet. She played with her shining head girl's badge nervously, waiting for Dumbledore to continue.

"I assure you that Lord Voldemort will not be able to penetrate the walls of the Great Hall and that you will be perfectly safe. Again, I ask you to not panic. The Ministry is aware of the situation and we are currently awaiting a big number of Aurors to arrive. I am sure that you are wondering how come the Ministry and I can be so sure of this, but I think it is enough for you to know that we are. Various circumstances, I do not wish to trouble you with, give us certainty," Dumbledore said and made a short pause. "Your parents are being informed as I speak. The reason for us not sending you home straight away is that after this night, everything will change for the better - and your education will be able to continue as ever."

Dumbledore looked serenely at the staff by his side. Everything will change for the better? How could Dumbledore say that? The outcome depended only on Harry's battle with Voldemort. On the battle only - on nothing else. And who knew if Harry was going to be able to defeat his opponent?

"Then, there is not much left to say. Before I leave the Great Hall with most of the staff, I wish to speak to the prefects and both the head boy and girl," he said calmly.

Dumbledore sat back down at the teachers' table. Immediately, everybody started talking, except me - I didn't know what to say. Hermione, eyes wide, empty and unfocused got up slowly. I jumped up at once.

"Hermione... you'll manage," I said and smiled weakly. "You don't have to face him. He won't come near you."

"Listen, Hermione," Harry said, getting to his feat as well. "The Aurors from the Ministry are coming. The members of the Order are bound to arrive, too."

"Yeah... yeah, you'll be fine, Hermione," Ron said silently. "We've been through worse than this."

Gryffindors from all around were getting up and whispering encouraging words to Hermione, shaking her hand and patting her on the back. She just nodded weakly, unable to speak. I pulled her towards me and hugged her tightly.

"Just pay attention to yourself, Hermione. Just be careful," I whispered.

Hermione couldn't reply - I think she was so confused and scared she didn't know what to say. And on top of that she was probably fighting against the urge to cry. I let go of her as Ron pulled her into a hug and talked to her quietly. Her eyes were shining with tears, I could see, but she put on a brave face and held them back. Finally, Harry stepped forward and hugged Hermione as well. She hid her face at his shoulder, probably trying to stay calm, keep herself from crying and gain her composure back. I could see Harry whispering to her, but the noise of the students talking from all around the Great Hall was so loud I couldn't understand what he was saying. Suddenly Hermione's head jerked up from his shoulder and she looked up at Harry, terrified. Silent tears started pouring from her face, as she mouthed "No!" over and over again. Harry pulled away, shook his head vigorously and pointed at Dumbledore.

"You have to go, Hermione."

"Harry! What if-"

"I'll see you again soon."

"No! Harry, no, this..." she exclaimed and threw herself back into his arms. "What if... what if it doesn't go-"

"Come on, sister," he said lovingly and pulled away from her hug again. "You'll be fine. Now, Dumbledore's waiting for you."

"Harry..." she said thickly, but was unable to continue. "Harry..." She wiped her tears away with her sleeve and kissed him on the cheek.

"I consider you as my sister, Hermione. And family bonds are strong," Harry said and pushed a strand of her bushy brown hair aside.

She took out a tissue and tried to wipe the everlasting flow of tears away. With a last quick hug to all three of us and a mumbled "See you soon," she hurried off towards the staff table.

~*~

Now I know what Harry was whispering to Hermione about... now I know. He might not have chosen a good moment to do so, but he probably feared that he would not be able to see her again before Voldemort arrived. Luckily enough, Harry was granted some private time with all the people he wished to see before he left for the final battle....

I try to cry as silently as possible to not wake anybody up. I know a few more people are lying in the hospital wing with me. Professor Sinistra for example, a few unknown Ministry employees and two or three students. None of us are badly wounded, but Madam Pomfrey always insists on keeping people in the hospital wing as long as possible. And one of the students... I need to speak to one of them urgently. The matter is more than pressing. However, I will have to wait until the morning... and until the morning, the only thing I have to keep me company throughout the long hours of the night are my thoughts and the memories of yesterday. If I want them or not, I have no influence on it. I wish I had a Pensieve. But hiding your thoughts from yourself is not a good idea. I have to learn to deal with what happened. I have to get through this. There's no point in trying to drive away the thoughts that go into that direction - they will come back sooner or later. And I'd rather think about them than dream about them.

~*~

The prefects stayed inside the Great Hall with us, along with Professor Vector, a few of the ghosts (they could be sent to find Dumbledore if anything serious happened) and an Auror of the Ministry of Magic whom I didn't know. I was hoping to see Lupin or Tonks or any other member from the Order, except perhaps Snape. I wanted to know if my parents were there as well. And Bill and Charlie, as well as Fred and George - they had been welcomed to the Order a few months ago. The house tables had disappeared and been replaced by sofas, couches, little tables and chairs. Some students were actually working, but Ron, Harry and I just sat at one table silently to ourselves. Neville dropped by shortly and talked to Harry for a while. I think Neville knows about the prophecy, but I can't be sure. He never is very precise when it comes to information. The hours passed.... The house-elves sent up tea and biscuits at around four or five o'clock, but only few people actually ate anything. Nobody was really in the mood for distraction.

At six o'clock, Professor Dumbledore came into the Great Hall to check that all was in order. And, shortly afterwards, somebody hurried in I was finally glad to see: Remus Lupin. His clothes, for once, were not too shabby or ragged, but his face looked more serious, wearier and older than ever before. A lot of the older students waved and greeted him, remembering him as a great teacher some four years ago. He spotted the three of us and made his way over quickly.

"Harry! How are you?" he asked and hugged his godson. After Sirius's death, Lupin had taken over Sirius's role. "And Ginny, Ron. I met Hermione outside briefly. She's okay, there's no need to look so worried."

"How is everything going on?" Harry asked quickly in a low voice. "We're not getting much information in here."

"It's going just fine. The room here is finally protected properly. Nobody can enter the Great Hall unless they have a permission to do so - thanks to Professor Flitwick, of course. You can leave it without any problems from the inside though; we thought it was safer, in case anything serious happened in here and you had to be evacuated," Lupin explained. "I'm just going to have a quick word with Cecil, the Auror who's in charge here. I'll be right back."

I watched him hurry over to the tall, broad-shouldered man with the black hair, the Auror that had been here all afternoon. That had to be Cecil then. The name rang a bell. Perhaps Dad had talked about him before. They exchanged a few words and Lupin returned to us.

"All right. You're allowed to leave with me. Now, Harry... if there are any people... you want to talk to before..." Lupin suggested timidly.

"I'll have a quick word with Neville, Dean and Seamus. And Luna if I can find her," Harry said and left us quickly.

"What do you mean? Is this already it, Moony?" I asked, feeling a fresh wave of panic spread through me.

"I'm afraid so. Molly and Arthur are waiting for Harry as well as a few more members of the Order - Moody, Tonks, Hagrid and so on - Dumbledore and Hermione. They're in Dumbledore's office."

"This is it?" Ron repeated faintly. "Now? Just... just like this?"

Lupin merely nodded as Harry returned. "You sure you've talked to everyone?"

"Yes, everyone who's here."

"Okay. Let's go then. They'll be waiting for us," Lupin said and we left the Great Hall with him quickly, feeling anxious and scared.

~*~

Time passed. I was sitting in Dumbledore's office on my own, waiting to be allowed in to talk to Harry. He was in a chamber adjacent to the room and seeing one person at a time. Lupin had left me only a few minutes earlier through a door hidden behind a portrait of Morgaine. A lot of the members of the Order had been here to start with: Moody, Hagrid, McGonagall, Snape - and he actually went in to see Harry on his own - Kingsley Shacklebolt, Sturgis Podmore, Dedalus Diggle, my parents, Tonks, of course, and Lupin. Oh, and Arabella Figg as well. Mum made an enormous fuss over me and Ron - and Hermione, coming to think about it. I wonder what she was like with Harry; he was always like her seventh son - or eighth child.

I felt lost and lonely. No one came back out of the room. As I found out later on, everybody left the room through another secret door that was connected to the teachers' lounge.

So I was sitting in the office on my own, not sure if I should be happy or disappointed that Harry was going to see me last. Well, nearly on my own. Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, was sitting on his perch and seemed to be very worried. He kept shooting glances at me and stretching his wings. I ha heard that phoenixes are very sensitive, faithful animals. Perhaps Fawkes knew what was going on. It wouldn't surprise me.

I tried to think about what I wanted to say, what I wanted to ask, but I didn't get very far. My thoughts couldn't focus on anything. One moment I was petrified about what could happen in this battle, the next I kept telling myself things would turn out just fine. After all, Dumbledore had said so.

But Dumbledore is not omniscient.

I jumped as Morgaine talked to me suddenly from the portrait. "Young girl, it's your turn to go in."

"Yes. Yes. Thanks," I mumbled and pulled the portrait open, stepping through the concealed door.

The room was dark; only few candles were lit and they cast a dim, orange light around the room. I closed the picture of Morgaine behind me slowly, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Harry was sitting on a low stool, staring at the floor, hands supporting his head.

"Hey," I said and sat down opposite him silently.

"Ginny. I wanted to see you as the last person," he said and seemed to awaken from his floor gazing trance.

"I... I guess I should be honoured, then," I smiled weakly. "Are you... are you going to tell me about - about, well... whatever it is?"

"Yes."

Harry got up from the stool, not looking at me, and started pacing around the room. He looked so much older in that light... and in those circumstances. I noticed that I was folding and unfolding my hands nervously in my lap and told myself to stop. Looking back up, I studied Harry who was standing next to the wall, hands behind his back. His hair was as messy as ever, that was for sure. But something about him was different. I think it was the look in his eyes, the eyes that could sparkle with enthusiasm or anger, happiness or hate, determination or resent. I could not find the sparkle in them. It's the light, I told myself, it's the light. But I knew deep down inside that it wasn't.

"You know about the prophecy," he finally spoke. "You asked me what our plans were concerning... concerning the battle."

I nodded quickly. "You will end either as murderer or as... victim."

"Exactly. The point is, Ginny... I cannot allow him to win. Everything depends on the outcome of this one battle. If I die-"

"Don't," I said tensely. "Don't say that."

"I'm only being realistic-"

"You. Are. Not. Going. To. Die."

"But if I do, I-"

"You won't die."

"Ginny! I'm facing Voldemort! He just needs to use Avada Kedavra to finish me off!" Harry said forcefully and slapped his hand hard on the only table that was standing in the room. "Believe me, I don't particularly want to die, Ginny. But I have to calculate the consequences."

I stayed quiet, feeling tears starting to sting my eyes. Of course, what Harry was saying was right, but I didn't want it to be true. It hurt so much to think about it....

"If I die," he said slowly, "all will be lost. I am the only one to stop Voldemort. You know it as well as I do. And if I don't stop him - at least I will be safer dead than alive. Because I know that dark times will be upon you then."

I nodded glumly. "So he must die."

"Yes. He must die, one way or the other," Harry said and sat back down on the stool opposite me. "And if all plans fail, Gin, I will only have one possibility left."

"Yes. Wait... No, wait a minute... you don't mean-"

"Well..." he said awkwardly and shrugged.

"No. No, I - no, I might be thinking along the wrong lines, I-"

"I don't believe you're thinking in the wrong direction. If I fail to kill Voldemort with the normal weapons I have, I will have to sacrifice-"

"No, Harry! You can't do that, you can't sacrifice yourself to kill Voldemort! How can - Dumbledore has no right to ask that of you-"

"Ginny! If all plans fail, I will die anyway! With the sacrifice, there still is hope that he might be defeated!"

"That's not fair! How can Dumbledore-"

"This is not about Dumbledore! He didn't ask it of me and he is not pleased about my decision! But I feel it is necessary to prepare for that!"

We lapsed into silence. After all, what else was there to say? Here I was, facing my best friend who was telling me that it was very probable for him to die. I was so confused, angry, scared and sad that I couldn't make up my mind what to say, what to think, what to do - scream at him? Scream about the unfairness of this world? Or rather burst into tears?

"So this is it, then?" I managed to ask, looking up at Harry determinedly.

"What d'you-"

"This is it. You're... you're saying goodbye. Aren't you? Aren't you, Harry? You're saying goodbye - in case your plans fail," I said.

Harry looked taken aback. He seemed unsure about what to say, but after a short pause, he spoke again. His voice was rough and unsteady. "Gin, I'm sorry."

Silence fell upon us yet again. I was fighting with myself, still not able to make up my mind if I should curse Dumbledore or break down and cry. I felt more tears in my eyes but tried to blink them back.

I tried.

But not hard enough. A single tear was suddenly rolling over my cheek. Harry wiped it away carefully with his thumb, waiting for me to speak, to say, to do anything. Another tear.

"Harry," I said on the verge breaking down completely. "Harry, I don't want you to say goodbye."

~*~

But we still did. I didn't want to - and neither did he.

He said: "Gin, I knew it would be hardest of all to say goodbye to you. And I wanted to put it off as long as possible..."

So there we sat, in the badly lit room, crying, both of us crying, him from emerald, me from hazel eyes. He tried to say that nothing would happen and we would see each other again soon and it really only was an absolute urgency-plan.

It was awful. We both knew it was far more than just remote that the battle would take that specific turning. We both knew and we both cried about it for a very long time... yes, a long, long time.

Somehow, Harry said that he had to go. Dumbledore was waiting for him. I remember nodding and thinking "No!" desperately at the same time. I remember hugging him, tightly, tightly, I remember the kiss I placed on his cheek.

And I still feel his kiss burning on mine.

I lift my hand and brush the spot where his lips touched my skin. The last few moments of talking to him. Harry left with Dumbledore and I was led back to the Great Hall after many more tears. Hermione was there, not outside anymore, just as Ron was. We all collapsed to the floor, crying, hoping and yet knowing that the chances of survival were so remote... so little - even if he had done it more than once before.

I don't know where Hermione and Ron had gone, but I was suddenly in the Great Hall by myself. I was happy about it, I wanted to be on my own. Nobody approached me, all seemed to know that I wanted my peace.

It was then that I overheard the conversation.

The whispered conversation between to enemies.

Two foes.

Two Slytherins.

"So the Dark Lord will stay after all? Even though Potter will probably kill him?"

"Shut up. I don't want to talk about it," Malfoy said.

I watched him get up and sit on the side of the Great Hall by himself. Obviously wanting to be left alone. Thinking. The way I had been thinking. By my self. Alone. A wave of hatred flamed up in me. I jumped up. For a second I hesitated - should I go and curse Malfoy? The other Slytherin? But my decision was made quickly. Without a further glance back, I hurried out of the Great Hall, my wand clutched tightly in my fist, my mind set.

I had to find Harry.

I was ready to fight if I had to.

~*~

I left the security of the castle and followed the sounds of a battle. My quick pace led me towards the Quidditch pitch. I was about to get there when....

"Weasley, coming to help Potter? Well, let's go and have a look together, my dear," a cold, brutal voice whispered in my ear and grabbed my arm.

Lucius Malfoy dragged me to the Quidditch pitch. Oh, I yelled, I fought. I kicked, I bit, I cried. He still dragged me there. And made me watch. I tried to call to Harry, but he did not see me. He was too concentrated on their battle.

"Harry! Harry, it's a trap! He can rise again! He has found a way to rise again!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face. "The plan! Don't do it! It won't help, it won't!"

Lucius Malfoy suddenly noticed the danger I was to their plans and clapped his hand over my mouth to shut me up. I struggled to break free, to make Harry understand, but he didn't see me. He was fighting. Fighting, for the last time, against Voldemort.

Horrified, I watched as Voldemort cried: "Avada Kedavra!" and shot the spell at Harry. I knew it could not be fought off. The only chance Harry had, was to step out of the beam's path.

That is why I felt like dying the moment Harry waved his wand and used a simple Protection Spell.

"Protego!" he said.

I could see that Harry knew it was over. His eyes told it so clearly... so clearly... he had been willing to sacrifice himself from the beginning. He had said so. And he was not scared of doing it. He was doing it. Willingly.

"No!" I yelled and tried to get away.

But what chance had even Harry had against Voldemort? What chance? I know that he had been trying to learn Unforgivable Curses, but even if he had managed, how could he have competed with Voldemort, how?

"Harry!"

As if in slow motion, I saw the green beam of light of the Killing Curse penetrate Harry's protection - it hit him and he fell. But at the same time, the shield had reflected a part of the beam... it flew straight back at the person who had cast it and hit Voldemort's chest. He did look a bit surprised when he fell to the ground. However, I did not know that Voldemort was not dead, but only reduced to what he had been over sixteen years ago... a spirit....

Suddenly, Lucius Malfoy let me free. I ran towards Harry, crying hot, burning tears and sunk down next to him on the ground. I took his hand; it was cold as ice. I embraced his limp, lifeless body.

And stopped abruptly as I suddenly felt the cold tip of a wand in my neck.... The wand of no other but Lucius Malfoy.

"Avada Ke-"

"Bondens Protego!" a voice interrupted his incantation.

"-davra!"

The spell shot at me by the unknown speaker hit me first - I saw a white, spinning whirl moving towards me as I closed my eyes in fear; it felt as if something inside me was being sucked into that person's direction. Then - a flash of green light. The Killing Curse. The Unforgivable Curse. Avada Kedavra. The one that had killed Harry. The one that had killed his parents. It blazed in my eyes brightly, blinding me even though they were closed - but I didn't die. The curse was sucked away by that other spell, sucked away from me.

I opened my eyes fearfully and saw a dagger lying in the damp grass by Harry's side. Suddenly, I made a quick lunge forward, grabbed it and whipped around to find Lucius Malfoy turned away from me.

And without a further moment of reflection, without a single thought, I stabbed him.

I didn't even bother to pull the dagger out again.

Lucius Malfoy fell to the floor - dead, as I hoped. Little did I know that Voldemort's spirit was in Malfoy's body. The wound was not bleeding which struck me as a very bad omen, as Malfoy made a sudden movement - it scared hell out of me, I believed he was going to get up again. And then, before my very eyes, the skin around the dagger started to lose its colour, rapidly turning to grey. Malfoy gave another twitch - and the skin around the dagger began to crumble.

To crumble to ashes.

And with Lucius Malfoy and his body, Voldemort crumbled to ashes. His spirit had not yet settled down deep enough into Malfoy to possess him, but yet Voldemort could not get out of Malfoy's body to escape.

I closed my eyes, trembling with fear of what I had just seen. Then I remembered - the spell. Who had shot the spell? I glanced upward quickly to find no other than Draco Malfoy kneeling on the ground of the Quidditch pitch, shaking, holding himself up with his hands. His blond hair was sticking to his head; he was breathing heavily.

He could not hold himself up anymore. His arms gave away and he slumped on the floor, burying his wand under himself.

The wand that saved my life.

~*~

I'm suddenly sitting bolt upright in my bed, shaking, breathing heavily. I feel the cool leather of the dagger I killed Lucius Malfoy with in my hand, although I know it has been destroyed. I feel Harry's limp body in my arms, although I know that I won't ever hold him again. I feel a cold sensation up and down my spine, starting from where Lucius Malfoy's wand touched my neck. And I see, again, Malfoy's look as he realizes his father is nothing but ashes, I see the way he is happy but confused, the way he sinks to his knees, weakened, the way his last reserves of strength disappear. I thought he was dead, right then, standing on my own between already three dead bodies on the Quidditch pitch; for a moment, I thought Draco, too, was dead.

He had saved me from his father's wand. The enemy. The foe. He saved me.

I got up blindly, stumbling; I fell to the ground but got up again, weak, and managed to get over to him. Again, I sank to the floor. I shook him. I yelled. Just then Dumbledore arrived... I can't remember anymore... I woke up in the hospital wing....

And the person who saved me is here as well, a few beds to my left.

I throw off my covers and tiptoe over to him through the dark ward. His eyes are closed, he is breathing peacefully. I don't know what made me get out of bed and go over. I just had to find out for myself that he was not dead. I gaze at him for a long time before he opens his eyes. He probably felt my presence. I don't think he was asleep. There are too many things on his mind right now, I am sure. His expression is full of sorrow, but at the same time calm and relaxed.

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I don't know what to say, although I try. I want to apologize. I didn't know the dagger was cursed. I didn't mean to kill anybody. But I don't think he minds much. Perhaps that's why he smiles at me. Perhaps he is even happy to be freed from such a father. I certainly would be. I want to thank him. He saved my life. He takes my hand slowly and looks at me as though he understands what I want to say.

Harry used to understand as well.

Draco smiles. And it reminds me of Harry even more. I start to feel sick. All I can think about is Harry, Harry laughing at me, Harry hugging me, Harry crying with me.

Were we really only friends?

Yes, I tell myself firmly. Friends and not more. We had talked about it. We were friends, good friends. We didn't want more.

Harry's green eyes seem to be looking at me through the darkness.

"We were more than just friends," I whisper more to myself than to anybody else.

"I know," Draco says silently and squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry I came late. Maybe he could have been saved as well."

I am a bit confused at first, then suddenly realize what I said - and whom I told it to of all people. "I... I- wasn't ... didn't mean to say that-"

"It's okay."

Draco's eyes search me, questioning, even though I'm sure he knows I have to talk to him about what he did, about what I did. But I am just so confused at the moment, understanding that Harry and I were not 'just friends' as we had told Hermione and Ron that very same morning. I can't believe that twenty-four hours ago, I was lying in my own bed, sweetly sleeping, not thinking that anything could happen to my little intact world.

Harry's world.

Our world.

I realize that I was not only friends with Harry. And I know now that he wasn't only friends with me either. It's sort of amazing the way Hermione and Ron had known before we had. Before we ever will. I shake the depressing thoughts away and sit down on the bed slowly as Draco straightens up.

"Ginny. I want to thank you for killing my father. Now I - and the rest of the world - now I am free," he says silently to not wake up any other patients in the hospital wing.

Free. He is free. I smile weakly. Harry is free as well. At least some of us are happy then, I think bitterly. I just realized that I have always loved and will always love Harry and that he died before I had the chance to tell him so. Well, Draco is free from darkness. I am happy for him, I think. He made the choice from his own free will, before the darkness fell - and that is worth even more. In the moment he put the protection spell on me, he changed sides. That's when I remember yet again that I would be dead if it wasn't for him. But - would it be so bad? Would that be such a bad thing? Perhaps not. But I must still be grateful for it.

"No, I must thank you," I reply quietly. "I don't know what spell you put on me, but it saved my life. You saved us all."

"You saved us all," he replies earnestly. "If you had not killed Lucius Malfoy, the Dark Lord would have risen yet again."

"How?" I ask, shocked.

"He was not dead after killing Harry. The Dark Lord was 'killed' the way he was seventeen years ago - reduced to a spirit. That is why my father was at the scene. He was supposed to let Voldemort into himself and become the new Dark Lord."

"You knew?"

"Yes."

"But you saved me."

"You - and myself. It's quite selfish, actually."

"No, it's not. You saved us all."

"If the Dark Lord had risen again, I would have had to join the darkness."

"So - what... what was that spell?"

"Oh... the Spell of Transfer. It transfers all spells back to the person who casts the Spell of Transfer. So it directed the curse my father - no, not my father. I never have and never will regard him as my father. It directed the curse Lucius Malfoy used away from you, to me."

I frown, confused. "So why are you not dead? He did use the Killing Curse, after all, didn't he?"

"Yes," Draco says slowly. "Yes, indeed, he did. But Lucius Malfoy was paranoid. He seemed to sense that I was weak in my decision to join Lord Voldemort, he seemed to know that I might harm him some day. That is why he bound me to himself with a spell - no matter what curse I would use on him, it would not work. But he forgot that it works the other way round as well."

"So you did get blasted with the Killing Curse?"

"Yes. But my father's paranoia saved me," Draco says. He is quiet for a moment, but then continues. "I'm really sorry for what happened to Harry. I... I think I would have liked to make amends with him, you know."

I sob quietly and wipe a tear from my cheek. "I'm... I'm sure he would have wanted the same - after all, we're all on the same side, aren't we?"

"Yes. We are all fighting against evil," he says.

"The battle is won," I answer silently.

"There will be more to come," Draco replies.

"Yes," I say slowly. "The fight is a continuous one."

We fall silent for a while, both thinking about what happened, thinking about what is yet to come.

"Will you fight, Ginny?" Draco asks me.

I think for a while. Will I fight? Will I track down other Death Eaters and bring them to justice for what they did to the world? To Harry? To me? Will I fight until none of them are left and the world can finally be at peace? A world full of light, happiness, love and peace?

"I think I will, Draco," I reply.

Perhaps I have found a reason to live.

Perhaps a happy world is what Harry died for.

~ The End ~