Party Animals

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Party Animals

CHAPTER THREE:

`In Which All The Problems Start´

"Ack . . . We still smell like sulphur."

"Well, that's your fault, isn't it Sirius? You just couldn´t bear to sit through the entire Potions class without causing something to explode in a fit of flames, could you?"

"It was my duty as a Marauder. I take it very seriousl--damn. No pun intended."

"You need to get a new name and I need to get some sane friends."

After a long and odorous potions class, Remus and Sirius were making their way back to the Great Hall for dinner. Because of Sirius' new obsession with blowing up bottles of sulphur, the class had been let out early so that their Professor recover from the third degree burns running across her face. Unfortunately, the two Marauders had also been liberally sprayed with the acid, causing several burnt holes in their robes and a lagging putrid smell which made passers-by gag violently.

"My mum´s going to kill me, you know," Remus muttered under his breath, poking his finger through one of his scorched robe pockets. "These are brand new. Thanks to you, they´ll probably disintegrate in the wash."

"Don´t complain," Sirius wiped his nose on the end of his sleeve. "You´ve got enough money to buy a whole set of monogrammed robes. How many galleons did you steal off of Pete and I, anyways?"

"It wasn´t stealing. It was a bet. And you started it."

"I started it because I expected to win. If I knew that James´ will could break that fast, I would have tipped the odds a little."

"In your favour, of course."

"Of course."

Remus shook his head in amusement as he and Sirius walked by a group of Slytherins, who all nearly fainted from the intense smell. "Let´s go back to the dorm before we get dinner," Remus suggested. "We should really change or take a shower or som- OWF-"

Remus, not looking where he was going, tripped on an untied shoelace and went tumbling into someone, sending both strait to the hard floor.

"Ah, bloody hell. I'm sorry -- my fault . . ."

"No, no. It's okay."

"Really, I wasn't looking for . . . Chandra?"

Remus had looked up to face a fellow Gryffindor sixth year. He was sent into a spiral, shocked by how close he was to this pretty hazelnut haired, blue-eyed school mate. Flustered with embarrassment, Remus blushed a deep scarlet.

"So, I heard what you and Sirius did in Potions," Chandra scrunched up her nose as Remus helped her up. "Sulphur, huh?"

"Yeah. We just had a sudden urge to blow something up so we could smell like dragon shit all day." commented Sirius, putting a causal arm on Remus´ shoulder.

"I . . . see . . ." Chandra tried to smile but the sulphur odour overwhelmed her. She gagged instead. "Maybe you two should take a shower before you go down to the Great Hall. The Slytherins would have a field day with you two if you showed up there like this."

"Thanks for the advice. We'll consider it. Eh, Remie?" Sirius elbowed his fellow Marauder in the ribs. Remus, who was standing there with his mouth hanging open like a hypnotised village idiot, let out a surprised grunt. Chandra couldn´t help but giggle and Sirius rolled his eyes in disgust.

"Hey! Hey Chandra! Wait up!"

Another Gryffindor sixth year came bounding down a fight of stairs, her curly hair bouncing with each step. She stopped short at the foot of the staircase, apparently repealed by the wafting odour coming from the two Marauders.

"Oh, bugger," the girl exclaimed loudly, plugging her nose. "Did Peeves set off some extra strength dung bombs, or something?"

"No, Jazlan," Chandra addressed the girl. "It's just Remus and Sirius again."

Jazlan Gringsby perked up as soon as she heard the Marauders´ names. A grin spread across her face as she strolled towards the little group.

"Oh . . . Hullo, Sirius." Jazlan's grin became even wider, her ears tingeing red.

"Hey," replied Sirius, and graced the girl with a mysterious wink. He could never resist piling the charm on thick when a member of the opposite sex was around. Frankly, the other Marauders found this disgusting display of testosterone utterly repulsive.

"Come on, Jazlan," said Chandra, pulling her friend away from Sirius. "We'd better get going. We've got-"

"Chandra?"

Everyone jumped. Apparently Remus had finally remembered how to talk again.

"Yes?" asked Chandra.

"Er . . ." Remus shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "I was wondering . . . If you weren't doing anything . . . If you don't already have a date . . ."

"If I would go to the Hallowe´en ball with you?" Chandra guessed.

Remus nodded, looking as though he would vomit if he opened his mouth to reply.

"I'd love to, Remus," said Chandra as Jazlan giggled in the background.

An almost drunk-like grin of utter Utopia spread across Remus's face.

Sirius, however, scowled.

"What?" he whispered harshly, quickly jerking his friend aside. "I thought we were all going lone wolf."

Remus shrugged somewhat lazily, gazing back at Chandra. "You'll still have Peter. He's going by himself."

"Er . . . no." Jazlan interrupted the Marauders´ little pow-wow. "Peter just asked me last class." She sounded quite disappointed, looking at Sirius longingly.

As Sirius slapped his forehead and muttered a short string of curses under his breath, Chandra tugged on Jazlan again.

"Well, we've got to get going, then," said Chandra as she and Jazlan started up the staircase. "See you at the ball, Remus."

"Yeah, see you." Remus waved, the goofy smirk permanently plastered on his face.

As soon as the two girls were gone down the hall, Sirius wasted no time and smacked his fellow Marauder up side the head.

"Ouch! W-"

"Why the hell did you go and do that for?" exclaimed Sirius, interrupting Remus' complaints.

"Do what?" Remus raised an eyebrow, rubbing the back of his head. "Ask Chandra to the ball?"

"No, insult the Queen of bloody England!" Sirius snapped back, his voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. "Yes, of course I meant 'ask Chandra to the ball', you unbelievable berk Now I'm the only one without a date. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know."

Remus sighed heavily as he and Sirius walked towards the Gryffindor common room, completely forgetting about dinner.

"It's not that big of deal, Padfoot." Remus said almost lazily. "A lot of boys-"

"Well, I'm not like other boys, am I?" Sirius exclaimed, crossing his arms stubbornly. "So, got any ideas or am I going to have to ask out a mountain troll?"

Remus chuckled to himself. "Actually, that would be pretty amusing."

"You're not helping, Lupin."

"Fine, fine. Don't get your boxers in a bunch . . . erm . . . 'utter nonsense'." Remus and Sirius briskly stepped through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room. "Why don't you ask Phiona? She already said she was going by herself. I´m sure she wouldn´t mind if you helped her raise some hell at the ball."

Sirius bit his lip as his face tinted soft red; Remus was quite taken-aback.

"Padfoot? Is that a trace of embarra-"

"I never get embarrassed," Sirius interrupted angrily. "And I can't take Phinny to the dance. She's . . . erm, in seventh year. I'm only in sixth."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "That's never stopped you before."

"Go kick off, wolf-boy."

"In fact, I remember a couple of months ago . . . How much older was that blond? Five years? Seven years?"

"I will be forced to kill you, Lupin, if you don´t proceed to sod off. And, anyways, she was only nineteen."

Remus kept a silent smile on his face as he and Sirius made their way into their dorm room. As soon as they stepped inside, Sirius quickly grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to take a much needed shower, leaving Remus to sort through a pile of laundry, searching hopelessly for a clean pare of clothes.

"Oh God -- Did something die in here again?"

James, who was closely followed by Peter, had just walked into the dorm. As the intense smell of sulphur hit them, they staggered at the door, looking as though they were about to blow their groceries.

Remus, who was quite tired of this reaction, crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Padfoot decided to see how much chaos he could create in one potions class. It wasn't very amusing."

"I bet." James sat down on his bed and kicked off his shoes. "So, did you hear about Pete's good news? Looks like only you and Sirius are going to the Hallowe´en ball solo."

Peter smiled almost sheepishly, his ears going red, "I asked Jazlan Gringsby tonight."

"We heard," said Remus. "And believe me, Sirius isn't too thrilled about it."

As if on queue, the running water in the bathroom stopped. Sirius came casually strolling out, a towel around his waist and his overgrown hair sopping wet. "Remus, you should try Pete's new body wash. It makes you smell like mang . . . oh."

The four Marauders stood in awkward silence for several hard seconds before Peter piped up:

"It's not mango, its tropical fruit."

James winced, really not caring to receive this information "That's not much better, Wormtail."

Sirius shook his head as he grabbed another towel to dry his hair. "Maybe Jazlan would like some of that for her birthday, Peter," he said darkly, then turning to Remus. "Oh hell, why don't you get some for Chandra while you´re at it?"

"Remus, would you mind explaining to me what the hell Sirius is going on about?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"He's a little bitter because I asked Chandra to the ball tonight." explained Remus.

"So now, thanks to the amazing berkish talents of Wolf-Man and his sidekick Rat-Boy, I'm the only one without a date," added Sirius, who had finished drying his hair so that it now stood on end. "And every good looking girl is taken."

"Have you ever heard of the word `shallow´, Pads?" James questioned.

"Why don't you ask Phiona to go with you?" Peter suggested lightly. "I'm sure she wouldn't-"

"I've already suggested that," interrupted Remus. "But, for some childish reason, Sirius didn't even think twice about it."

James raised an eyebrow, a sly smile glazing over his face. "What's wrong, Padfoot? To scared to ask Phiona Love out on a date?"

"I am not scared, you nob!" Sirius snapped, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Phinny´s just a good friend. Who just happens to be a girl."

"So she´s your girl . . . friend."

"Ye-NO! No! That´s not what I meant!"

"Of course that´s what you meant," teased James, as if doing so took no effort whatsoever. "You´ve got a flame for Phin, don´t you?"

Sirius clenched his fists, though his ears started to go pink again. "I do not!"

"Of course you do. We all hear you when you talk in your sleep." James put on a high pitched voice for his impression of Sirius: "Oh, Phin! I love you! Hold me Phin! Kiss me like you´ve never kissed another man. Oh, Phinny!"

"Damn it, Potter!" Sirius growled like a dog, advancing on James, who looked utterly pleased with himself for pissing off his friend so much. "Wank off, you little bastard!"

Remus pulled Sirius back before he could break James´s nose. "No fighting tonight, Padfoot," Remus muttered, restraining his friend. "Besides, it wouldn´t look so good. You´re just wearing a towel . . . we wouldn´t want Lily to get jealous, now, would we?"

Almost magically, Sirius´s face slowly cracked into a small smile. "Yes, I suppose your right." he then put on the same high pitched voice James had used for his impression: "Oh, Jamesy, dearest? Would you be a sweet heart and go fetch me my pants? There still in the showers."

"With absolute relish, lamb-chop." James played along, rather then to fight with Sirius, and waltzed over to the next room to retrieve his companion´s clothes.

Remus shook his head as he grabbed his pyjamas from a pile of clothes at the foot of his bed. "I´ll never understand you and Jim," he said to Sirius. "One minute you´re at each other´s throats, the next you´re giving each other pet names."

Sirius threw an arm around Remus, still holding the towel with the other. "Yes, it´s true. Prongs and I have a fickled relationship. Maybe, one day, you´ll have a special connection with someone, too."

Peter smiled, sitting on his bed. "Like that girl you asked out tonight. What was her name? Tandra?"

"It´s Chandra," said Remus mildly, taking off his robes and putting on a white shirt and a pare of pyjama bottoms. "And that´s why I asked her to the ball -"

Sirius put a hand on his heart, pretending to look scandalized. "Ah! Methinks Remie has begun to crack under the pressure of his teenaged male hormones! Going to ask that special someone to share a nap with you?"

"Who says I haven´t already?" Remus arched an eyebrow airily.

Sirius snorted loudly. "You´re joking," he spat out, but Remus clearly did not find any humour in the subject. For once, Sirius was quite speechless. "You´re joking," he repeated, asking a question rather then making a statement.

Peter went absolutely pale. "You mean . . . You--"

Remus nodded knowingly, a small smirk of contentment creeping its way across his face.

"I don´t believe you," Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I always thought I´d be the first to go . . . then maybe Jim - but you?" he paused for a moment and mused restlessly over the horrible thought. "Fine then, who is she?"

Taking the time to think of an answer to really eat away at his companion´s nerves, Remus replied delicately: "Phiona."

Sirius almost choked with laughter. "Phiona? That´s the best you could come up with? Bloody hell, Lupin, if you´re going to make something up, make it so that it actually sounds believable. Phiona? Christ, you´d have an easier time taking Snape out for a romantic evening then jumping into bed with Phiona."

Remus didn´t care to reply. His expression stayed coolly on his face, the corner of his mouth not even twitching. He almost seemed . . . completely serious.

"Moony," Sirius´s laughter quickly died off, his heart flopping thickly in his chest. "Please tell me your joking."

No expression. Nothing.

"Oh God!" Peter´s eyes widened, a fit of nausea rolling over his stomach. "Oh God, oh God, oh God! He´s really not joking! Jesus, Remus, how could you?"

"Don´t believe him, Pete," Sirius eyed the werewolf suspiciously. "The little berk´s lying."

"Fine then. You don´t believe me?" Remus´s smile grew even wider, as if he was enjoying batting around with his friends´ sanity. "Ask Phinny. She´ll tell you."

"I think I will ask," Sirius said darkly. "Just so I can prove what a lying bastard you are."

Remus smirked, quite glade Sirius was ready to call his bluff. "She steals the covers, you know."

"Lupin, I -"

"And howls. Thinks she´s a werewolf herself."

"You´re completely and utterly full of shit."

"Thank you."

"It´s not nice to spread rumours, Remie." Sirius gritted his teeth. "If Chandra ever hears about this, which I will personally make sure of, she´d dump you on the spot. And Phin will string you up by your werewolf arse if she knew you were -"

"That might be a bigger problem then we thought . . ."

James was still standing next to the far wall, Sirius´s pants completely forgotten. He was holding at a large wall calendar which was usually posted above Remus´s trunk.

"Believe me, James, I´ve seen Phin do it before," Sirius claimed. "She´d absolutely shred Remus if--"

"It´s not Phiona I´m worried about," James shook his head. "It´s the werewolf part that´s got me a bit concerned."

"What?" colour began to creep out of Remus´s as he walked over to James, taking back his calendar with an air of concern.

"It´s that time of month again." James pointed out the date of October 31, the night of the Hallowe´en ball. Big, block letters were written across the block which read: FULL MOON.

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