Party Animals

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Party Animals

CHAPTER TWO:

'Comments From The Peanut Gallery'

The cold October night had come with its wispy chills which slowly spread throughout the castle like wildfire. This vicious draft caused many people to cluster together in the Gryffindor common room, trying to get as close to the burning fireplace without receiving any third degree burns. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, however, had taken to a large couch in the corner of the room. James still hadn't returned from last class and the other Marauders had begun to fear the worse. One of the boys, however, decided that this was the perfect chance to make a little extra quid off of James' misery.

"Okay gentlemen; time to put your galleons down," Sirius announced suddenly, taking out a piece of crumpled parchment.

"Five for me," said Peter, digging in his pocket and pulling out a fist full of lose change.

"Oh, come on, Wormtail," Sirius wrinkled his nose in complete disgust. "Be a little more risky. Let me put you down for ten."

"What, pray tell, are you trying to pull this time?" Remus asked, arching a suspicious eyebrow.

"Betting on Jim," announced Sirius as if this was a completely normal, everyday activity. "Come on, Moony. I'm giving great odds. Three to one that Prongsey actually blows his cover to Lily and--"

Remus looked shocked. "I thought you had more faith in James! If he said that he's not going to tell Lily, then he's not going to tell Lily. It's as simple as that," he stopped, thought for a second, then continued: "Er . . . better write me up fifteen . . ."

"Ah! Now there's a good man!" Sirius exclaimed gleefully as he scribbled the bets down on his parchment. "Maybe a bit of me has rubbed off on you, yet."

"God forbid," Remus muttered.

At that moment, the picture frame swung open slowly, revealing a very flustered James Potter. Shoulders slumped, he slowly walked over to where his friends were situated. He sat down in the chair next to Sirius, who quickly hid his incriminating bit of parchment.

"How was Herbology, Prongs?" asked Peter, trying his best to hide the threatening smile.

Without answering, James lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes while producing a long, heartfelt sign.

"Ah," mused Remus. "Me-thinks no good has come of it."

"Itoldlily," mumbled James, his face in his hands.

Sirius smiled, finding his friend's discomfort extremely amusing, and cupped an ear with his hand. "What? What was that Jamesy-boy? I couldn't quite hear you."

James winced, as if this all was killing him slowly. "I -- I told Lily . . . It all just spilled out during class, it did . . . was an accident--"

"We don't care if it was an accident. It's not mine or anyone else's problem now," said Sirius, folding his arms across his chest. "You're on your own, mate."

"What's this I hear? Sirius Lee Black is giving up on a fellow Marauder? Dear God, I always knew it would happen, but I'd never thought I would be alive to see it."

A girl with extremely frizzy, fly-away hair had just stepped into the common room. She looked incredibly short and scrawny for her age, but all of her power and energy was radiating in her incredibly deep, brown eyes. With a naturally wild grin on her face, she sat on the arm of the couch to which Sirius and Peter were situated.

"Well, well. If it isn't our own Phiona," Sirius put on a smirk. "Tell us, Miss. Love, which detention have you just exited from this time?"

"Rosenkranz," Phiona Love said simply, kicking off her left shoe in order to scratch the bottom of her foot. "He finally found those skunks I planted in his drawer. Screamed like a banshee, he did. Can't imagine why, though . . ."

It was widely know that, for Phiona Love, jokes and pranks had become quite a hobby. Along with the four Marauders, she was the only other person in Hogwarts who owned her very own file cabinet to which Filch put all of her terrifically horrible records. The four boys first came across this chaotic little witch when they shared a detention together, spending two hours in the boys' loo cleaning out urinals with toothbrushes during the Marauders' first year at Hogwarts. It was not a coincidence that she, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had become great friends; when you share such experiences together, it's extremely difficult not to form a strong bond with each other.

"But this isn't about me right now," Phiona interrupted the fan fiction author's great story of the frizzy-haired witch's life. "This is Marauder time."

(*PezMaster grumbles in agreement, takes a large gulp out of her cup of highly caffeinated tea, and continues writing:*)

"Phinny, tell these berks that I can tackle the Hallowe'en ball single handily," James pressed, spouting out spontaneously. "Really, it's nothing to fuss over. . . I can . . . handle it . . ."

"Number one: Don't fool yourself Jim - -Number two: Your not man enough to handle that ball alone - - And number three: Your friends should be there to give you as much moral support as they can possibly muster." Phiona counted off, kicking off her other shoe so that it hit Sirius square in the forehead.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Sirius rose from his seat, not even taking the time to notice that he had just been bombarded by Phiona's shoe. "This is on Jim's head, not mine. I'm not going to a complete hell just because my best mate is in a downward spiral leading to a path of eternal hurt and excruciating pain."

James, Remus, Peter, and Phiona all recoiled, completely bewildered at their friend's strange outburst. Sirius had never abandoned someone like this; especially not James, the boy whom Sirius considered to be as close as a brother.

"Christ, Padfoot," James couldn't help but sound hurt. "I didn't know you -"

"Don't take it personal, Jim," Sirius interrupted, a slight twinge of pain in his voice. "It's not you, it's me . . ."

Phiona snorted out loud, breaking all seriousness of the conversation. "What are you doing, Sirius? Breaking up with him?"

Sirius shot Phiona a glare that would wither a redwood, before he turned back to James.

"What I mean is, I would love to help you, Prongs. I really would. It's just that . . ." Sirius trailed, apparently not grasping the correct words to describe his situation.

"You just don't want to be at the ball dateless," finished Remus.

Sirius was taken aback for a moment but then quickly forced an extremely fake chuckle. "That's - - that's ridiculous. I could get a date if I wanted . . . ."

"Sorry, honey. The female order catalogue is illegal in Britain now." Phiona smirked.

"Go throw yourself in front of a train, Phin," Sirius retorted promptly.

"You don't have to take a partner to the ball, Padfoot," Peter pointed out.

"And be like Remus?" Sirius snorted. "Thanks but no thanks."

Remus sent an unrelenting glare at Sirius as Phiona shrugged lazily.

"Why not?" she asked. "Even I'm going lone wolf."

Remus winced with imaginary pain as the horrible play on words struck him.

"Er . . . sorry about that, honey. My bad pun."

"Oh, what's the difference?" Remus exclaimed, totally exasperated. "Did someone declare it 'National Mock Remus Day' without me realizing it?"

"Well, if it is, then I have another one for you," Sirius smiled slyly. "A werewolf walks into a pub. What's the first thing he says?"

"I should really get friends who aren't heartless bastards?" Remus guessed, his voice gone completely monotone.

Sirius continued, a look of utter glee on his face. "He says 'Ouch!'. Get it? Walks into a bar? Into a bar?" he waited for everyone to collapse into a hysteric fit of laughter, but it never came.

Phiona raised an eyebrow, looking as though she was going to be sick. "My God - - Buy a strait-jacket, call a doctor, and reserve a padded room at St. Mungoes. We've got ourselves a bloody madman."

"Well," Sirius mumbled, a bit bitter that no one found his monstrous joke funny. "If I'm locked up, at least I won't have to go to that berkish ball."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to come, Sirius," said James. "I really can't expect you to--"

"Nonsense!" Phiona interrupted, putting her arms around Remus and Peter. "Your friends shall be there by your side, Jimmy-boy."

"Of course," said Remus.

"We'll all go, erm . . . lone wolf," Peter said cautiously.

Peter had finally snapped Remus' last, thin nerve.

"Oh no." Remus twinged, anger finally getting the best of him. "Maybe you and Sirius should go together. I believe you two utterly deserve each other."

James smiled, "Remus is right. You'd be the most handsome couple at the ball."

"I'm already jealous," Phiona remarked airily, picking her teeth with a toothpick she had unearthed from one of her robe pockets.

Sirius, who was utterly disgusted at the very thought of Peter and him accompanying each other, finally broke down. "Fine . . . . I'll just go to the ball alone," he said. "As long as you lot quit it with the smart-arse remarks." He glared exclusively at Phiona.

"Do I have to?" Phiona pretended to pout.

"I believe so," James said, smirking widely. "I mean, even Padfoot can only take so much abuse."

"That's right." said Sirius, crossing his arms, "I have a boiling point to you know." He turned to Phiona, "And your prat-like comments aren't helping one bit, Phin."

"Sorry, honey," Phiona rapped a friendly arm around Sirius. "It's quite hard for me to keep-"

"Oh, no." Remus winced, knowing exactly what excruciatingly overused pun was coming next. "Don't say it, Phinny. For the sake of all of our sanities, just . . . don't say it - - "

"What I meant was," Phiona pressed again. "I usually can't be-"

"I'm warning you, Phin," Sirius cringed. "Don't poke fun at my na-"

"I'm never SERIOUS!"

"That's it, woman! You're going to die!"

Sirius made a wild lunge for Phiona, who neatly dodged his grasp. Laughing like a deranged manic, Phiona Love bolted out of the Gryffindor common room, closely followed by a cursing Sirius Black.

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