Pigtails

PIGTAILS

Part 2

Once Draco had sent the owl off to his father, he decided to scope out the dungeons for a suitable hole in which to hide once the letter had been received and he was forced to run for his life. But, being Draco, he felt that any search of any sort was far too much effort and he decided to head for the common room instead.

"Great Potions lesson, wasn't it?" Blaise asked excitedly once he was inside.

"No," Draco told him decisively. "It was most certainly not."

"Oh, come on." He got up from his seat and walked happily over to his cranky friend. "Veritaserum wears off after twenty minutes, you're fine now. Plus, you got to find your one true love and you might have a Potions Master in your family before long."

"Stop laughing this instant," Draco demanded. "You sound like a donkey."

"A sexy donkey."

"True," Draco admitted, and then felt his stomach contract violently.

Blaise squinted at him for a moment before saying, "...What?"

Draco sighed and opened his mouth so as to allow whatever was making to fall from it do so as quickly as possible. "Your laugh," he began, "While rather donkey-like, is quite sexy and I think that something has gone horribly wrong with the potion. So I am going now to find Potter and grope him. Question him. That is not what I meant to say. I meant to say grope him. Question him. Probably both. Stop me talking, Zabini! Do not laugh at me like that! Help me find him right now!"

Blaise nodded, doubled-over and leaning against the wall for support, as he was dragged bodily out into the corridor.

As they made their way through the castle, Draco maintained his grip on his friend with one hand, while he kept the other clamped tightly over his mouth. Blaise asked him a series of rather personal questions and he muffled his responses through his fingers and growled maliciously at anyone that happened to look his way. Once they had reached the portrait hole, he stopped and growled at the Fat Lady as well.

"I don't know the password," he admitted, warily removing his palm from his face.

"Boxers or briefs, Draco?"

"Neither. Gah! Stop it, we need the password!"

Blaise shrugged. "Is it true that you cried after Potter threw mud at you in Hogsmeade during third year?"

"Yes. That is not the password! Do not make me hit you; I punch like a girl. Like a girl. No, wait. I meant to say that I punch like a girl... Password!" He was spitting a great deal by now and he was getting worried that an army of curious Gryffindors was at any moment going to march out of their tower and demand interviews.

As if fate had taken pity on him at that very moment, the portrait swung open and Harry stepped through the hole.

"Malfoy!" he exclaimed, sounding relieved and stuffy. "I was about to come and fondle you. Find you. And then maybe fondle you a bit. I was at least going to touch your bum. Bugger! Something's wrong with the potion, it hasn't worn off."

Blaise made a sniffing sound and said, "Eugh, Potter. You look like you were hit in the face with a door."

"Actually," Draco pointed out, "I think he looks rugged and manly, and I have decided that I may have to poison you very soon for making me say these things. We should find Snape now."

"Definitely," Harry agreed and then tied a red bandanna around his jaw, covering his mouth completely.

"Kinky," Draco told him. "I didn't mean that. I meant to say, 'good kink'. No. Idea. Good idea."

Blaise snorted and wiped a few tears from his cheeks. "I should write this all down."

"Malfoy, there you are," said an adult, and Snape swooped around the corner and descended upon the students in that overly intimidating way that he was so prone to. "Did you send that letter off to your father?"

"Yes, and I cannot seem to banish the mental images."

The professor maintained a blank expression.

"Clearly, something has gone terribly wrong with the potion," Draco explained. "Its effects haven't worn off yet."

Snape nodded thoughtfully and then spun around with a great deal of drama to face Harry. "What ingredient did you forget to put in?"

"The shrivelfig," he immediately mumbled through the fabric in his mouth, a look of complete horror twisting his face. "I forgot to add the shrivelfig!"

Snape shook his head. "That would be why it hasn't worn off. Shrivelfig dilutes the potion and causes it to become ineffective after twenty or thirty minutes. Malfoy, your father's sheets, does he prefer silk, satin, or cotton?"

"Satin. Stop asking me about my father! Don't write that down!"

"How does he feel about patchouli oil?"

"He's allergic. PUT THAT NOTEBOOK AWAY!"

Snape frowned. "Fine. We should get you both to the Headmaster's office, what do you think?"

"Well, I always thought 'Headmaster' was an absolutely hilarious double entendre," Draco told him and then angrily stomped off down the hall, Blaise giggling madly at his heels.

*

"Well," Dumbledore said with an infuriatingly jovial expression on his face. "Well, well, well."

"That cannot be all you have to say!" Draco shouted, frustrated and wishing Harry had given him the bandanna when he had taken it off in the doorway. "I'm telling the truth here! Do you understand what sort of liability this is to the Malfoys?"

Dumbledore chuckled and pried Draco's fingers off of his shoulders and then gently shoved him out of his personal space. "I did receive a rather frantic owl from your father only a few minutes ago. He is on his way here, although I couldn't quite make out why. We can sort things out then. I do hope he brings biscuits."

"You really have lost your mind, you old coot, haven't you?" Harry murmured thoughtfully and then grimaced like he'd just stepped in something foul.

The Headmaster smiled in his direction and took a seat by the fire. "So, tell me precisely what happened."

"Boy Blunder over here forgot to add the shrivelfig to the Veritaserum and now it won't wear off," Draco told him. "It's horrible."

"I'm sure once your father gets here, we can put our heads together and come up with some kind of solution," Snape offered. "I'll just take him down to my lab and we can work something out. An antidote, that is."

"You are not taking my father anywhere, and you are most certainly not putting anything of yours together with anything of his! He is my father, and therefore an eunuch!"

"Well, if my memory serves me correctly-"

"I do not want to hear this! I have a headache! I need to lay down with Potter. With Potter. Alone with Potter. Alone. I need to lay down alone... with Potter." Draco rubbed at his temples and began pacing. He was most certainly experiencing a breakdown of some sort.

There were several loud bangs at the door. "Let me in this instant, Albus!" Lucius Malfoy hollered from the other side. "There is some explaining to be done!"

Draco exploded from his spot and raced to let his father in. "He forgot the shrivelfig and now all I can talk about is how incredibly shaggable he is, and Snape is asking me terrifying questions about you, and Dumbledore is useless and wants biscuits!" he whined as calmly as he could. "Fix. Everything."

Lucius removed his son's hands from his own shoulders and shoved him out of the way. "What have you done to my only heir?" he asked Snape, who blushed like a schoolgirl and straightened his robes.

"Actually, it was me," Harry corrected him, looking shocked at himself and terribly embarrassed. "I wrecked the Veritaserum because I had a concussion and Blaise was throwing things at me and laughing and he has a sexy laugh, a bit donkey-like, but sexy nonetheless, and I just can't stop any of this from flying out of my mouth - it's terrible - and if you go down to the lab, please cure us before you and Snape get it on."

Lucius pointed at the clearly unhinged boy in the corner and looked at Dumbledore. "What is he trying to say?"

"There's been an accident in Potions," he replied, laughing lightly and popping a candy into his mouth. "It's all quite amusing, really."

"Oh, yes, eat a few sweets why don't you?" Draco spat, collapsing into the lotus position and crossing his arms. "Maybe you'll go into some kind of diabetic shock and leave us like this forever. Super."

"What does any of this have to do with dark chocolate and my wife being in Paris?" Lucius asked irately. "Why did I just receive a letter with the words 'coal grey underthings' included? What the bloody hell is going on here?"

Snape cleared his throat and laced his fingers behind his back. "In their potions lesson today, the boys were to brew some Veritaserum. Potter, being the complete fool that he is, forgot to add the shrivelfig, and the due to this potion will not wear off. Why don't you come down to my lab and we can sort all of this out? We can have a chat about that dark chocolate."

Lucius appeared to ignore the greater part of that proposition. "Potter, have you poisoned my son?"

"We're not poisoned," he insisted. "We're just... honest."

"I fail to see the difference."

"I need an antidote!" Draco roared from the floor, collapsing onto his back and throwing his arms straight up above his head. "I cannot remain like this for any longer! Potter, I am going to kiss you. Kiss. Kill you. I am going to kill you so hard!"

"Severus," Dumbledore began, paying little heed to Draco's sudden fit, "Have you ever come across anything like this before?"

"No, students rarely forget an ingredient so crucial to a potion this powerful. I'll have to do some reading and get back to you."

"I do not have time to wait for you to learn to read and then go searching through your picture books!" Draco griped, still on his back. "Owl for an expert!"

"I am an expert."

"Oh, so you say. What kind of expert doesn't know how to reverse the effects of severely botched Veritaserum? I ask you."

Dumbledore stood and walked over to his desk. He pulled a massive candy dish out of a drawer and sat down as he popped a few more sweets into his mouth, slurping thoughtfully. "Well," he burbled. "If the two of you boys wouldn't mind helping him, and perhaps Miss Granger as well, then perhaps we can correct this very soon."

"I'll help," Lucius offered, eyeing Snape with a small smile. "I'm feeling a bit... nostalgic."

"Oh," Draco said crossly. "So this is what hell is going to be like. Good to know."