A Sirius Affair

A SIRIUS AFFAIR

Epilogue

As the investigator assigned to his staff slowly meandered towards the point he had been trying to make for at least twenty minutes, Sirius Black's attention wandered, and it was then that he heard a soft, almost subvocalized voice, for his ears alone.

"We should have never gone along with the bloody Muggle government and their decision to hold those colonies under such tight control all those years. Give them a few years, and they would've right flourished on their own." While the speaker was in the room, his voice was heard by Sirius alone. Guildford S. Wanderdecker, Deputy Chancellor, 1638-1702, often gave Sirius advice during meetings in this conference room, but not one of those nuggets of information had ever been worth more than a knut.

It was like that all over the Department of External Affairs, and had been since he took over management of the department in April. The walls were dotted with portraits of the heads of the department, who tended to shout their thoughts about everything from the weather to the price of Pegasus feathers to anyone who would stop and listen, but in a few select locations, portraits of past Deputy Chancellors glowered at the Department employees. They only spoke to Sirius, as DC-Designate, and Deputy Chancellor Smith himself.

Sirius could feel Wanderdecker reading over his shoulder - a spiffy brochure from a Muggle diving company that, incredibly enough, showed the magical plants that grew under Belize's azure waters. The fact that wizarding plants were in this Muggle brochure was bad enough. That those plants were strong hallucinogens compounded the problem. That those strong hallucinogens were probably being harvested, processed and distributed by a cartel of Muggle and magical drug kingpins was what made every day at the office this spring into a crash course in the Muggle underworld for Sirius. He certainly had seen enough of the dark side of magic during his jobs as a regulator, but the Muggles were no less disturbing. When Muggles had wizards on their side, it was even easier to eliminate competition and establish a chain for distribution of illegal, moneymaking products.

The investigator had finally come to the point of his ramblings, he got his next assignment and Sirius had walked with him out of the conference room. Back in his office three hours later, Sirius ran his hand through his hair and rifled through the rolls of parchment littering his desktop. "Colin!" he shouted.

"Yes, boss," Colin answered unperturbed, as he strode through the doorway connecting their offices.

"Where the hell did that parchment with the schedule go? I had it this morning!"

"You gave it to me to coordinate the enforcement teams. I made a copy." Colin handed the original back to Sirius.

Sirius flipped through his pile of parchmentwork in advance of his afternoon meeting. The Belize government was becoming increasingly frustrated by the coven of wizards who had joined forces with a Muggle drug cartel. Typically this would be something the Concilio Magico de Belize (CMB) would work out with their own Muggle government, but the ID had reported that a large number of Dark witches and wizards had infiltrated the CMB. This, coupled with the relationship between Belize's Muggle government and Britain's division of the Federation which dated back to the days when Belize was a semi-colony of the British, made Sirius' involvement necessary and proper.

Cordelia had initiated contact with the Belize Muggle government on the pretext of increasing tourism from the British Isle to this tropical paradise. Once she was able to speak to the powers in the muggle government who were kept informed about the magical world, she offered IFW assistance in stopping the drug operations. The Muggles accepted gracefully, yet somewhat nervously, and had worked with Sirius and Colin to design an assault on the coven and the cartel and feed the CMB false information on the plans.

They had been planning this operation for two months now, and the strikes were set for the following week. So far nothing had gone smoothly. Every logistical snafu that could happen, did. The only thing that hadn't gone wrong was that Cordelia had been able to keep the Belize Ambassador to the IFW from getting wind of the operation.

Gandolique Vieja was an older wizard with a reputation for hurling curses when things went against his worldview. While Sirius was certain he was not among the dark wizards in the CMB, he knew some of the ambassador's closest allies were. If the ambassador knew of the operation too soon, the whole thing would be compromised.

They had made it to nearly the end of May thanks to diversionary tactics and a lot of finesse by Cordelia. Sirius was planning on informing the ambassador of the operation about an hour before the strike - not enough time to send a parrot across the Atlantic, or to safely Apparate either.

Fate was not on his side, though.

"What the bloody hell is going on behind my back?" Ambassador Vieja stormed into the office, his tight grip preventing the broomchecker in his wake from taking Vieja's broomstick from his fist. "I had a feeling deep down in my gut that you were not to be trusted, Black, and now I'm sure of it!"

Colin surreptitiously drew his wand in a reaction born of spending the last 8 years intervening between curses - and large sticks - and Sirius.

Sirius stood up. "Gandolique, so nice to see you, mate!" Sirius came around the desk to warmly greet the ambassador. The desk was covered with paperwork about the strike, but Sirius knew that it didn't matter what he saw now. "I was just about to bring you in on this, but wanted to have everything in place. It's my first commanding project, and I didn't want to let you catch me in some big blunder. Your opinion means a great deal to me."

While Sirius sounded smooth on the outside, inside his gut twisted, hoping against hope that the ambassador bought this bullshit. As he waited for the ambassador's response, he thought he'd much rather have said Gandolique, you pompous bastard, open your eyes! All your old mates have turned and you're too blinded to recognize that. But instinctively Sirius realized that saying that would put the ambassador on the defensive and would be less than productive. He'd figure this diplomacy thing out yet.

After an hour of discussion, debate and cajoling, and many gestures by the Ambassador that Sirius had to duck, Sirius thought he almost had Vieja convinced that he wasn't trying to usurp the ambassador's authority. He nearly had convinced the ambassador that the planned operation would work and that it would be in his best interest to cooperate. As if on cue, to reassure, Cordelia entered the office.

"Ambassador Vieja! They told me you were here. I'm so glad you were able to discuss the plan with Sirius. I told him you would have some valuable insight and that you should be consulted as soon as he thought things were definite." She had crossed the room by this time and held out both her hands. This forced the ambassador to put down the broomstick and take Cordelia's outstretched hands. Cordelia kissed both his cheeks and sat down.

"I didn't just come to chat, though we really need to do that sometime, Ambassador. I was just about to owl you; then Colin told me you were here. I just learned President Estevez arrested and detained your colleague, Seňora Kent. She was seen with the leader of the coven. I know she was like a daughter to you, but it seems she's been betraying you for quite a long time now."

Sirius could have kissed Cordelia right then and there. He was just about to drop this bombshell on the ambassador, but he'd been delaying because there wasn't nearly enough trust built between them yet. Sirius had a notion that Colin had anticipated this and that was behind Cordelia's sudden appearance. Cordelia had been dealing with the ambassador for quite some time and had developed a more trusting relationship with him.

The effect the revelation of his colleague's betrayal had on the ambassador was marked. His face first revealed hurt, then understanding. "Sirius," he said, "I apologize. If what Cordelia says is true, and I'm sure it is, then I understand why I've been kept in the dark about all this. I will try to be more on my guard. Thank you, Cordelia, for bringing me this information." He sighed. "I have much to do. I will keep the Magical Council from interfering. If you will excuse me, I need to speak with President Estevez. I have never had the need to use a stealth bird - but I am sure that you are more cautious than I have been. Would you have one I can borrow?"

"Colin, please show the ambassador to the communication room and lend him one of the stealth owls."

All rose as Colin escorted the ambassador out of the office. As soon as the door closed, Sirius and Cordelia sank into their chairs and breathed deep sighs of relief. It was a few minutes before either one of them spoke.

"It worked - crisis number 156.9 averted," Sirius said in a relieved voice.

"Thank God for Colin - what on earth would we do without him?"

Sirius shook his head. "Suffer broomstick injuries at the hands of angry wizards, I'd bet. Want to grab some dinner and go home?" he asked. "I can see if Colin and Aiden want to join us."

"They are already, don't you remember?" Cordelia asked. "We're headed up to the farm tonight. Remember? Colin and Aiden are supposed to join us later this evening."

"Damn, I completely forgot. Jane and Jory, right?"

"And Roseanne and Roger are bringing over their wedding gift."

"Ah, a weekend of horse talk? Can I tell them why I ride so well? Jory was asking last time we were up there," Sirius teased.

"Absolutely not. They would not appreciate that you spent four years flying a hippogriff, even if we could explain what it was and prove its existence."

"I could try to locate good old Buckbeak. I think he'd still answer my call."

"No!" Cordelia cried. "The motorcycle's scary enough, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable on something alive that flies!"

"The bike is alive - you didn't notice?" Sirius joked. Then, he paused and rubbed his hands over his face. "Okay, give me half an hour, and we can go home and get our things together. We'll eat at the farm." He Accoied two chocolate frogs from the crystal bowl set into the conference table for sustenance and tossed one to Cordelia, who caught it easily.

Before she bit into the chocolate, she added, "I'll meet you at home; I need to take my car back. We're taking the bike to the farm, right?"

"It's faster than driving."

"Right then, see you at home," she said as she leaned across the desk to kiss him.

He resisted the sudden urge to lock the door and take her on the desk.

*******************

"We have all waited a long time for this," Ginny Weasley said to the assembly of editors, writers, sales reps, photographers and other staffers who gathered with their significant others in the now-ballroom-sized conference room at Circe's headquarters.

The big publicity event for Circe's launch was scheduled for Monday, with press and a splashy spread for all the mass-market publishers, editorial contributors, featured subjects and present and potential advertisers. Tonight, however, was a night for the staff to celebrate all the hard work that went into this effort.

Ginny had puzzled for hours over the obligatory speech thanking everyone for their hard work and for sharing her vision for the future of the magazine…"If it sells," she thought to herself, but to the crowd she simply said, "And it seemed as though the procedural nonsense was never-ending, but finally, we managed to pull all your creative contributions together - yes, even you in advertising. You don't spend the whole day writing fiction? Oh, now you tell me!" she joked to responsive laughter from that section of the floor.

"We've done banishing charms on the production problems and distribution questions, and Accioed the creative process, then transfigured it into little amulets to keep at our sides at all times. And today, this magazine of ours is ready to ship its first batch of Thoughts, Dreams and Reality to the public!" she finished, incorporating the magazine's tagline into her oration.

Everybody cheered.

"I'm an artist at heart, not a speechmaker, although I think I've talked to more advertisers and robe companies and bloody wand polishers in the past six months than Gilderoy Lockhart on a publicity tour. So let's cut the pontificating short and take the night off. Forget that piece that needs a solid workover, or the photo that needs cropping so the weird wizard in the background doesn't keep pushing your prized celebrity out of the way, or the phone call you've been waiting for from Obscurus Books. Take the night off, all of you. And enjoy it, because it's the last one we'll have for a few weeks."

She walked off the makeshift stage to thunderous applause, and the musicians took their places so the couples could begin dancing and celebrating. She stood for an hour at the foot of the stage talking to all the people who had gathered there for a word with her; nobody seemed to take her admonition to take the night off seriously. Finally she was able to get herself some pumpkin beer and stood off to the side of the room watching and thinking. The next song was "In the Mood," the Glenn Miller song that Harry had used to teach her swing dancing.

"I'm out of here," Ginny muttered to herself as she set her glass down and left the room. Her office was in a loft-style space, just upstairs from the conference room. There was still a lot of work to do to assure Monday's success, promote this issue, and get the next one ready for printing.

Her office was spacious, but sparsely furnished. Brick walls and hardwood floors were spruced up with abstract magical art that kept changing colors and shapes, and large Persian carpets that Ginny occasionally had to weigh down to keep from flying about the room. There were windows from the floor to the ceiling along the far wall. Her desk took up the north wall of the office while a couch stretched out across the south wall. She'd spent quite a number of nights on that couch while getting the first issue off the ground. Immediately inside the door was a conference table covered in papers, photographs, and competitor's magazines (wizard and Muggle).

She'd been up in her office for about half an hour trying to concentrate on the next issue, but her mind kept wandering away from the magazine. She was thinking about the previous weekend. Saturday night started in a perfectly normal fashion.

Harry was in town and they had gone to dinner and a movie. Harry had insisted on seeing Attack of the Clones, claiming that it was the fifth of an important series of Muggle films. Because Ginny had not seen the first four installments of this series, she was aware she wasn't quite getting the whole story. She did, however, appreciate the cinematography, the beautiful sets and the extravagant wardrobes. She wondered if the hairstyles would catch on and if she should feature them in an upcoming issue.

Back at her flat, they went into the kitchen in search of tea, where she mentioned to Harry that the employee party for Circe was the following Friday.

"Not this Friday?"

"Yes, why…I told you about it months ago, not to mention talking about it almost exclusively through dinner."

"I'm in Vancouver until Sunday," he said with a great deal of disappointment in his voice. "I was sure you told me the employee party was Sunday."

"WHAT?" Ginny cried. She felt like a wagonload of bricks had just been dumped on her head. She really didn't miss having Harry at most of the events she had been to lately to promote the magazine. In fact most of the time he would have been a hindrance in that he would have, unintentionally, diverted most of the attention that was supposed to be directed at the magazine. But this was different. This was the culmination of everything she had been working towards for the past nine months. She had assumed he would be there and she was looking forward to celebrating with him…

The fight they had after that was one of the worst they had ever been through. They both said things they regretted, and she didn't even remember most of the words, but she remembered the emotions were intense. After about an hour of yelling, discussing, glaring, and finally apologizing, Harry had sworn to somehow make it up to her. He almost made up for it, until….

After the apologies, one thing led to another as often happens after fights of such magnitude. She wanted to smile at her recall of the night; it was one of the most passionate times they'd had together. But all she could manage was a wince as she thought through it all again.

Things had gotten rather heated and vocal. At a particularly critical moment Ginny could have sworn she heard Harry murmur against her neck a word that seemed to begin with the syllable "Herm."

She had been too shocked to call him on it then and there, but once Harry was asleep, she sat in the living room for a very long time trying to decide what to do. In the end she decided to do nothing and say nothing. Maybe it truly was accidental - Harry couldn't be so cloddish as to have said it deliberately - but it was impossible for Ginny to ignore that Harry must feel something for Hermione, even if neither of them admitted it. Fighting about this certainly wouldn't help anyone. So she never mentioned it, and he didn't seem to remember it at all.

She was still questioning her silence when there was a short knock at the door and Grant Williams, her managing editor, entered the office. Grant had half a dozen more years experience in magazine publishing, and their conversations had always been intense, even when she had worked for him at Witch Weekly. She relied on him for advice, but she made all the crucial decisions herself.

"Thought I'd find you here," he said as he entered the office and settled into the chair that faced her desk.

"Right, well…lots of couples, and me with no date and too much work," Ginny answered, leaning back in her chair.

"I was just coming up to pick up next month's proofs. Thought I'd look at them this weekend," he commented.

"I'm trying to look at them now," she said as she gestured at the vibrant parchments on her desk. "The party was great. Is everyone having a good time, then?" she asked.

"Yes, fab…why don't we go down and dance? You deserve to celebrate most of all. This wouldn't be happening without you."

"Someone would have done it eventually." Ginny sighed and got up from her desk and moved towards the window. "I was just naïve enough to try it." She paused and turned to him "You know I couldn't have done this without you and your experience. It's been invaluable."

"So I can be your white knight after all?" he teased

Ginny groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, not a white knight," he said as he got up and joined her at the window. "You don't need one. I used to think you did. I thought that's what you saw in Harry. I figured the reason you turned down my proposal was that I wasn't hero enough for you. But you know, I finally understand what you told me when you gave back that gorgeous diamond I bought for you." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "Working for you these past months has brought into focus why you were a Gryffindor. You don't need a hero anymore than you need a dragon."

"I rather like dragons. But yes, I tried to tell you that two years ago when you proposed, but you took it so personally." She smiled and nudged his shoulder with her own.

"Right, well…I was a git, what can I say. I didn't even know you then, did I?"

"No, not much."

"I did love you very much," he said as he stared out the window. "Harry's not a hero to you, is he? He's a friend and a companion."

"Friend, yes, but not much of a companion lately. Seems he's always out of town when it would be most useful to have one."

"All is not well between you and Harry?"

"Well, we are still technically a couple, but couple of whats I'm not sure…. There is something missing there, I just can't put my finger on it. No, there certainly are challenges in being in a relationship with Harry," Ginny mused, staring out the window.

"Challenges with being in a relationship in general or in a relationship with Harry in particular?" Grant probed.

"Oh, with Harry in particular - but I'd really rather not dwell on that. It's a good relationship. He's a good person, and I'm not sure I'd have been able to deal with anything more intense with all this going on," she said as she turned and faced the room, leaned her head against the glass and directed her arms out towards the room.

"Yes, well my rather intense relationship with Katherine has suffered."

"Oh?"

"Well you don't see her here tonight. She thinks I spend too much time with you," Grant replied, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Katherine…jealous of me? That's rich!" Ginny laughed.

"Yes it is, isn't it, given your history with her."

Ginny reached out and took his hand. "I truly appreciate the effort you have put into this dream of mine."

"It's been thrilling watching it develop, and it's going to get more exciting if we actually sell any of these damn things," he said with a grin.

Ginny laughed too and rolled her eyes, she also pulled on his hand to come closer. She wasn't sure why, later on, but all she could think about at that moment was that she felt compelled to kiss him. Surely it was the stress of getting the magazine launched, and frequently missing Harry, but whatever the cause, she didn't stop herself. Nor did he stop her. In fact he responded with a kiss that could have set the office on fire. He reached around her waist as she was pressed up against the window. She slipped her hands out of his grasp and wound them around his neck. Their kisses built quickly in intensity. It simply felt delicious to be loved. Ginny knew that Grant had loved her at one time and might even still be in love with her. This was something she was never sure of with Harry. He'd never said the words. Sometimes he acted like it was love, sometimes not. She suddenly needed to touch Grant's skin again. To remind herself how he felt, what he tasted like. She knew she was being reckless with herself, with Grant, and with Harry, but she was so weary of being cautious. She was always cautious with Harry. She never wanted him to feel rushed, pushed, or cornered.

She let her mind shut down and let her senses absorb Grant's touch and kiss, knowing he wanted her. He didn't just want sex with someone. He could get that from his fiancé. He wanted her. In that moment she wanted someone who understood the things that were important to her.

They managed to move from the window to the couch before succumbing to the inevitable.

Afterwards, Ginny sat up, ran her hands through her hair, pulled her robe over her shoulders and gasped, "Goddesses above…what was that? That was incredible… unbelievable… Why was it never like that when we were together?"

Grant chuckled; "Lord if I know." He sat up beside her, took her hand and mused, "Maybe I was too protective back then." Then, after a lengthy pause, "I'm not sure what I was protecting you from - maybe I was protecting me from you!" he teased.

They sat there for awhile, regaining their breath and composure, Grant stroking her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. Ginny was thinking of Harry, but not wishing that Grant was Harry. Finally she looked at him and said "Grant, you are aware that what just happened complicates my life in thousands of ways. I am your boss after all. What if I start demanding this as a condition of your continued employment?" she asked with a wry smile.

"Well, er….if it's going to be like that every time, I'll just have to say…umm…yes ma'am where and when!" he laughed with a bit of a salute.

"No, really!" she laughed. "We can't do this again until I've sorted out a bunch of issues, not the least of which is my relationship with Harry," she said in a much more serious tone.

"By all means. I have no desire to get on his bad side. I've heard what he can do to dark wizards." He sighed. "No, seriously, we both have issues to work out. I need to sort out Katherine, not to mention the fact that I have to figure out how to work with you and not have you on your back three times a day."

"Only three?"

"I thought more would be hyperbole, but maybe not. Really, you are in charge."

"It is more like you work with me, don't you think?" Ginny retorted, suddenly feeling more collaborative.

"Well, the investors that are supporting us have you pegged as the boss, so while I appreciate your viewpoint, mine is technically correct." He paused and thought a moment, then continued, "So I've now made mad passionate love to my boss who happens to be involved with Mr. Famous Wizard Hero." Grant hesitated and faked an expression of theatrical nervousness. "Does he have a jealous streak, by the way?"

"Not about me…I don't think anyway. Now his roommate, Hermione, that's a different story. All the same, it would probably serve both our interests to be discreet about this…maybe promise not to touch for awhile, pass notes through assistants, send a kiss via an owl?" she joked.

"Won't that make you a little peckish?" Grant punned. "Really, I'm all for discretion. I don't want to be accused of sleeping my way to the top," Grant smiled.

"Ummm, I believe I was on top," Ginny teased.

Grant laughed, "Yes, yes you were, but I was speaking more careerwise. Oh, but I guess you are on top there too."

"Okay, I won't harass or touch you until I get my life sorted out. You keep this confidential until you get your life sorted out. Deal?"

Grant nodded. "You sure you don't want to….er…consummate this deal?" He teased.

Ginny elbowed him strongly in the ribs and laughed as she got up off the couch and tossed him his trousers. Grant had managed to get off the couch and turn towards the window when there came a brief knock at the door, which opened before either of them had an instant to respond. Ginny whirled about without finishing arranging her robes.

"Hey, I got back sooner than I expected…" It was Harry.

Ginny could see him taking in the scene, looking from Ginny and her disheveled hair, to Grant and his still-unbuttoned shirt. A fleeting grimace crossed Harry's face, as if he were in deep pain, but when she blinked, it was gone, completely masked.

"Harry! I can…" But he was gone before she could finish her sentence.

"Bloody hell!" Ginny muttered. "I've got to find him," she said in a panic as she grabbed her wand and Apparated.

*************************

Harry Apparated to the garden behind the main house at Cordelia's farm. He could see the bustle of people in the kitchen laughing, talking, and wondered to himself why he always seemed to be watching scenes like this from the outside. He shook off the self-pity and crossed to the back door.

Cordelia spotted him crossing the terrace and opened the door before he could knock.

"Ummm…could I talk with Sirius…out here?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"Sure, can I get you anything? You seem upset," Cordelia asked as she turned and called for Sirius. Harry shook his head and stepped back into the shadows.

Sirius came into the kitchen, Cordelia whispered into his ear, and he headed outside. Harry indicated he wanted to walk, so they headed for the garden and down the path. They walked in silence for awhile. Harry tried to start the subject a number of times, but kept walking at a brisk pace.

Finally Sirius broke the silence. "What's wrong? Aren't you supposed to be in Vancouver?"

"Yeah, that's what Ginny was hoping," Harry said ruefully.

"Oh?"

"Tonight was the Circe employee party. Ginny was quite angry that I couldn't be there. I didn't quite appreciate just how angry until I came back early and found her and Grant…umm…getting dressed if you catch my drift."

"That bastard!"

"I have a feeling it wasn't solely his idea…"

At that moment, Ginny caught up with them. "Harry I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

Harry and Sirius whirled around, surprised. Harry looked at her while she spoke, then turned and continued walking. Ginny caught up to them, while Sirius fell back and let them carry on.

"I'm still angry, Ginny. We probably need to talk about this later. I really can't talk to you now."

"When?" she pressed.

Feeling like she just prodded a deep wound, he lashed out, "I have no idea, Ginny. But give me a chance to sort this all out, all right?"

"Figure out what? How you can hurt me back? How you can seek revenge, or how you can ignore this, or me, or us like you have for the past four months?"

"I don't know! That's why I can't talk to you right now," Harry shouted and a nearby bush exploded in flames. Ginny jumped, but Harry merely turned to the shrub and sent a fountain of water out of his wand.

"Cordelia's going to kill me," he muttered ruefully, then looked at Ginny again. He couldn't pull any words out of the mass of angry shouts that were flying through his head. He couldn't do anything but stare at her and watch the anguish in her eyes; she might be the cause of his anger right now, but he still didn't want to be the one responsible for that expression.

"Are you going to speak to me, or just around me?" Ginny asked.

Harry still didn't say anything. "Bloody hell, you know where to find me," said Ginny as she threw up her hands and Apparated away.

Harry walked the grounds for nearly another hour. He couldn't forget how happy Ginny had looked as he opened the door to her office. Then his realization that the happiness was not a result of seeing him enter the office, but as a result of the man that was there with her. He felt foolish, duped, and blind. But as he examined his own emotions, he realized he didn't feel possessive of Ginny. He was disturbed at the thought of Ginny being attracted to someone else, but only as a reflection of how he had treated her. He wanted her to be attracted to him, but he also realized he just didn't love her. She didn't fill his thoughts. She wasn't the first thing he thought of in the morning. Was he a cad for stringing her along? She had never objected. She had never told him she loved him either. There were plenty of times lately that she didn't seem to want him at her side. He wondered if she had been having an affair for a long time, then dismissed the idea. He sensed this was a chance occurrence. He needed to find out, for the sake of his ego, but he knew Ginny wouldn't carry on like that behind his back…she always seemed up front with him. He walked a long time after that, lost in thought, before Apparating away himself.

***********************

Just as Sirius was returning to the house, Colin met him on the terrace with more bad news about the Belize situation. The Muggle government was threatening to pull out of the operation; they had doubts about the security of the mission and the safety of their own personnel. Sirius and Colin talked through all the alternatives, but continually arrived at the same conclusion. The most effective person to send to smooth things over would be Cordelia. Sirius rejected this option as many times as they arrived at it.

He didn't think he was being overprotective, but he'd be damned if he would send his wife into the most volatile situation in the wizarding world. An ID agent would be a safer alternative, but there was not an agent available with whom the Muggle government had built a relationship with. Sirius made a mental note not to let that happen again.

"Okay Colin, give me an hour and I'll be back with another alternative. I could go."

"The Muggle government feels threatened by the wizards surrounding them. It would not help for you to go."

"I know, but…damn," Sirius said as he ran his hands through his hair. "Right, give me an hour."

He walked the gardens for awhile, then approached the stables. As he looked over the horses in the stable he noticed with a grin that one of the mounts Roger and Roseanne had given them had some of Buckbeak's colouring. He chose that horse and led it out of the stall. After saddling, he mounted and walked from the stable. The logistics of this operation had twisted in his brain until he felt the end of his thoughts double back on the beginning again. There just didn't seem to be a solution. He started feeling trapped again. While it was hard to feel trapped on a 600 acre farm mounted on a powerful horse, his thoughts and emotions cornered him. There was an unusual feeling in the air. The humidity was very high for an evening in May. The smells and feel of the air seemed to strike a sense of déjà vu.

About twenty yards from the stable, he turned, but what he saw was not the stable. Suddenly he was riding Buckbeak. He could feel the animal's wings in front of his legs. He vividly saw a pack of Death Eaters pursuing him. There was no stable, no farm, no semblance of normal life. Just a vision of curses flying at him. He turned his mount and dug his heels into the animal's flanks. He instinctively grabbed his wand and began hurling curses over his shoulder. He aimed one strong one at a group of Death Eaters he was sure had just emerged from the shadows. Then he was off at full gallop away from the scene.

Colin had followed him at a discreet distance as Sirius had walked the grounds. It was a habit and it was his job. He saw him enter the stable, exit with a mount, and watched in horror as Sirius blasted the far corner of the stable and flee in a panic.

The house emptied as Cordelia's friends had seen the flames in the night. Fortunately the fire had not progressed, as Colin had been able to use a dousing charm before Cordelia's friends emerged from the house. None saw Sirius flee, and it was awhile before Cordelia realized he was missing. Their first priority was to get the horses out of the smoldering, smoke-filled stable.

When all the animals were safe in the adjacent paddock, Cordelia saw Colin. She looked anxiously at him and what she saw told her she had to find Sirius quickly. Jane seemed to sense an urgency to Cordelia and told Lynx to get a saddle and bridle. They helped Cordelia with her horse, and she was off.

The moon was full and Cordelia could see quite a distance. She also knew the terrain like the back of her hand, and so had an advantage. She finally caught sight of him, still on horseback, atop the knoll where he had proposed. She trotted up the hill behind him. "Sirius?" she said softly.

When he turned she saw the look. The confused look he'd had in the bedroom the night before the trial. "Sirius?" she repeated. "Where are you?"

He shook his head and stared at her for a moment before hiding his face in his hands. "It happened again, didn't it?"

She nodded. "Where were you?"

"I had a flashback, I suppose."

They drew their horses together. She laid a hand on his arm.

"I thought I had this under control. I haven't been having the nightmares. I thought I could handle it."

"You don't have to. You don't deserve this.

He looked at her. She could see him examine every part of her face.

"What happened?" he asked

"You torched the stable. I didn't see everything. Colin did though. Ask him," she replied softly.

"I thought if I could control everything it would make up for… for everything. But the only thing it seems to be doing is causing more trouble."

"Do you want to go back? Maybe stop Colin before he memory-charms this whole weekend away?"

He nodded and they rode back in silence.

The group had settled the horses and had made themselves scarce by the time Sirius and Cordelia got back. Sirius left his horse in the paddock, went into the house, asked for Colin, and closed the door to the study. Colin came out a half-hour later.

After Colin left, Sirius took the scrap of parchment with Dr. Huebner's name, owl post location and remarkably, a Muggle phone number. He toyed with the corner of the parchment for a good half-hour. He dialed the number half a dozen times, always stopping short of the last number. He nearly convinced himself it wasn't necessary to call her so late at night. He sat back in the chair by the fire. It was the chair Kate had sat in and told him about Cordelia's father. The image of Cordelia with a bruise on her face sprang to mind. That was enough for him to set up an appointment for Monday morning at eight.

After Sirius hung up the phone, he found Colin and Cordelia in the kitchen. Colin had just finished filling her in on the latest Belize problem. The three agreed to wait until Monday, then send Cordelia, with ID back-up, if it was still necessary.

By the time they made it to their bedroom, it was after three, and both of them were still keyed up from the evening's excitement. Cordelia asked about Harry, as she'd seen both him and Ginny Apparate, and had actually been the one who told Ginny where they'd walked, but never had the chance to talk to either one. Sirius told her all what had happened, but added that he'd left them to sort it out. They talked about the other, more mundane issues of the day, without touching on Sirius' fire, before finally slipping into an exhausted sleep.

***************************

Ginny stared out of the window of her flat. The dawn was just breaking over the horizon and the candles she'd lit were at their wick's end. She'd changed out of the dress robes she'd worn to the Circe party and slipped into a pair of shorts and an oversize Gyffindor sweatshirt. Her knees were drawn up under the sweatshirt as she stared and rocked and thought and worried. She knew she should get up and shower. She wanted to be in the office first thing this morning to prepare for the media blitz that they'd planned once Circe hit the streets.

But heading for the office brought mixed feelings. Not going to the office did too. So she sat and stared out the window.

She had a feeling this would be a day she would always remember. She'd hoped it was one she would face with excitement and energy, but she was drained and exhausted. It seemed her professional life and personal life were both headed for a cliff, from which they would either soar or plummet. She'd already gone through the different scenarios for her professional life and thought of all the what ifs and the strategies to meet them.

Now it was time to do the same with her personal life.

She began by going through the really happy and secure moments of her relationship with Harry. Their first night together. Christmas that year at the Burrow. The trip to St. Thomas. A weekend they spent with Sirius and Cordelia at the farm. A camping trip she and Harry had taken in the early spring. Their reunion after the month she spent in New York.

Then there were all the other moments. The moments of missed opportunities. The little things that seemed to be missing from his emotions as well as her own. There was that folder she kept in the back of her mind, the stuff not to question. It had grown, and she had grown tired of there being very big secrets he kept from her. Lost in her thoughts she didn't hear the knock at her door the first time. The second was louder and was accompanied by a voice.

"Ginny? Are you in there?"

Ginny shook her head to clear her thoughts, crossed the room and opened the door. Harry stood in the doorway with both hands braced against the doorframe

"May I come in?" he asked formally.

"I should be getting to work," she said quietly, but turned and moved back to her chair by the window, motioning Harry to follow her.

"Back to Grant?"

"No, not necessarily, although he will be there."

"Are you in love with him?"

"No," she said simply.

"Was it just last night or has this happened before?"

"Just last night."

"So I haven't been so far off the Quidditch pitch to be utterly foolish?"

"No."

"Were you going to tell me, or keep up the façade that seems to be this relationship?"

"I was going to talk to you as soon as you had the time," she said with a touch of bitterness in her voice.

"Why?"

"Why did this happen or why would I tell you?"

Harry looked at her. She knew what the question meant.

Ginny sighed, ran her hands through her loose hair. "I don't know why. It wasn't Grant's fault. He didn't initiate it. He loved me at one time; maybe I thought he still did. You knew he wanted to marry me a couple of years ago, right?"

"Yes," Harry said shortly. "I remember."

"Well, I guess I just needed someone to want to be with me. It was such a warm feeling to be wanted. To be someone's first choice."

"I want you," he said rather flatly.

"Sometimes you do. Sometimes I get the feeling you want someone… I know you care about me, so being that someone seems natural."

Harry scowled but didn't say anything.

"You care about me, but you don't love me. I'm not your soul mate. Look at what Sirius and Cordelia have. We definitely don't have that."

"I thought maybe it would develop. I also wondered if that was possible for everyone, me in particular." Harry was lost in thought, speaking as if in a daze. "Maybe there isn't a soul mate for everyone."

"So I was good enough?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

"I know. I don't mean for this to come out as only being about your lack of feelings about me. You aren't my soul mate either. There's too much we don't…or can't share. I know you support me with Circe, but really you have absolutely no interest in my passion, and whatever it is that is your passion, you can't share that with me."

"Is Grant your soul mate?"

"No, I don't think so. I would have married him if I'd thought that." She shrugged. "But, we're both very different than we were two years ago when we broke off. Who knows?"

"But, I'm not your grand passion? I so wished I was," Harry asked with a wry smile.

Ginny laughed slightly, "No, and I'm not yours. We had fun and I'll never regret being with you. It was something I needed to do."

"For your mum's sake as much as your own." This time they both laughed.

"Yes…but primarily for me. I thought I loved you from afar for so long."

"I was always pretty close if you ask me."

"Physically yes, but emotionally no."

"True."

"You still hold a lot back. That will have to change if you ever really do find your soul mate."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "So, is this it?"

"Shouldn't it be? I'll have to tell Mum to stop planning the wedding."

" Can I still be part of the Weasley family?"

"You think I could stop that? Besides, you've always been a part of our family. Even if I wanted it otherwise, there are eight others who would overrule me. Holidays wouldn't be the same without you there. It would be like losing another brother."

"What, so you're terminating our incestuous relationship?" Harry said with a tentative smile.

"Yeah, sex with a brother just isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Hey, I can be very passionate!"

"I'm sure you can, and you nearly were a couple of times when I'd get you angry, but that's not good enough for me or for you. You should be passionate about your mate. At least I think you should at this point in my life. I might be willing to compromise after another ten years, if I haven't found my passion yet…but at this point, I think we should still be searching for it, don't you?"

"I suppose. Searching is just so complicated. There's so much risk," he said so softly she barely heard.

"Harry Potter…afraid of risk? You've risked your life so many times, I can hardly count, and that's only the times I know about."

"Ah, but risking my life is a lot simpler than the risk of getting involved."

"The price of life is involvement, Harry," Ginny said. "I read that in a book somewhere, and it really rings true to me." She sighed, stood up, and walked into the kitchen. "Would you like some coffee? Or Firewhisky? I know I need some."

"This early in the morning?"

"I meant the coffee!"

They picked at Ginny's Scrambled Eggs-In-Shells. Harry's attempts at chatter dissolved the knot in her stomach, but she still didn't feel much like eating.

After three uncomfortable silences, Harry made an excuse about a morning meeting, so Ginny walked him to the door. As she opened it, he leaned down and kissed her one last time. "I'll see you soon, won't I? Maybe you could come by for dinner with me and Hermione sometime."

"I will, and I expect to see both of you at the official launch tomorrow."

"I'll tell Hermione. I know she was planning on being there."

"Good. Go…," she said as she shoved him out the door.

She closed the door, wiped a tear from her eye and headed for the shower.

******************

Back in the 70s, when he'd schemed and plotted and fought against Death Eaters at his friends' sides, Sirius had seen the aftermath of battles. In Godric's Hollow, he'd seen the worst.

But the defeat of the coven and the cartel, while successful by technical measures, had caused the loss of 15 wizards and witches and 25 Muggles. Their bodies had been removed and lined up in the hanger, but the pools of blood and areas of charred grasses had yet to be washed away by the tropical rains.

He had to view each body. It was procedure. Some were just a collection of parts; others were burned beyond recognition. He knew he'd need a long session with Dr. Huebner to get over this scene; right now all he really wanted was to get home and get some rest. He asked Colin to make sure there was a wizard in charge of returning the bodies to the relatives of the victims and make sure that the three Federation witches were properly honored. As the final commands were given, he sat down on the hangar floor and rested his head against the wall.

It had been a grueling five days since the operation began on Wednesday. Sirius had slept perhaps eight hours over those days, waiting by the window for stealth birds, monitoring the movements of agents in the Map Room, ignoring the pleas from Deputy Chancellor Indoctrina Berry (1743-1765) that if he sent her portrait to the front, all the problems would be solved in good speed.

Within an hour of the arrival of the parrot that informed him that the processing plant had been destroyed, he Apparated half way around the globe to assess the results of the operation and supervise the installation of a containment charm around the plant's habitat. He met with various officials, then wanted to see the airfield before returning to home. Finally Colin was done with all the details that needed completion and he accompanied Sirius through the three Apparation stations between Belize and England.

Sirius finally finished the last leg of Apparation well after midnight, London-time, and stood in front of their townhouse. Only the hall light was illuminated. He wearily climbed the stairs and stripped off his sweat-drenched clothes. Very quietly, so as not to disturb Cordelia, he closed the bathroom door and turned on the shower, hoping to wash the memory of the blood and the bodies from his eyes, and the tired ache and sweat from his body.

Although his body was refreshed, his spirit was saddened by the cruelty man can inflict on other men. He crawled into bed. He longed to pull Cordelia close, just to feel her warmth and love, but didn't want to disturb her sleep. Just as he'd decided not to reach for her, she rolled over in her sleep and instinctively reached an arm and leg over him and nestled her head into the hollow of his shoulder. He wrapped his arms about her and fell into a deep, restful sleep.

When he finally opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Cordelia's bright blue eyes gazing down at him. He reached up, threaded his fingers into her hair and drew her in for a much needed kiss. He could tell by the light that it was well past noon. She finally broke the kiss and whispered, "Go back to sleep if you want. I called Colin and told him you wouldn't be in until later this afternoon. He said he wouldn't be in either, and that the DC ordered the both of you to stay home and rest for the day."

Sirius smiled and kissed her again. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Do you want something to eat? I could get you something and bring it up."

"I'm famished, didn't feel much like eating yesterday," he smiled.

"Me either. I'll be right back. I can bring it up here?"

"I would love that, but that's a lot of trouble. I'll come down."

"No, get up, open all the windows, then go back and doze for awhile until I bring breakfast up to you. This is your day to recoup."

"If you insist."

"I do," she said with a kiss.

Cordelia went down to the kitchen as fixed some eggs, bacon, toast, and tea, put it all on a large tray and brought it upstairs.

She entered the bedroom and saw that Sirius had gotten up and thrown on a pair of jeans and was just finished trimming his beard. She put the tray down on a small table that Sirius had moved to the window. There was a delicious breeze wafting in and the sunshine was heavenly.

As they ate, Cordelia filled Sirius in on what was going on at the office while he'd been in Belize, but had avoided a lot of the controversial stuff that would require action.

After they'd finished eating and the tea had gotten cold, Cordelia took his hand and led him back to the bed. "Are you up for some non-work related conversation?"

"I suppose, do I have to really concentrate?"

"No, I'll talk, you listen."

"Okay." He sat up in bed and took her between his knees, as she rested her back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Sirius had developed a fondness for having long conversations in this position. He could nuzzle Cordelia's neck and his hands had access to all her soft curves. It was easy to distract her while they talked. Yes, a very pleasant way to converse, indeed.

"After you left on Friday night, I was so tired I came right home and crawled into bed. Saturday morning I awoke and was so sick I couldn't see straight. I had an awful headache, and I couldn't keep anything down. I called my mum. Luckily she came over, otherwise this place would have been less than hospitable for your return. Anyway, she came over and by mid-afternoon, I felt good enough to shower and hold down some lunch. I thought it might be the flu or maybe just a reaction to the violence I read about in all those posts from earlier in the week. Mum thought otherwise."

"Are you all right now?" he asked with his brows drawn together in concern.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. Still feeling a bit queasy, particularly before noon, but seeing as it's 1:30 in the afternoon, I'm okay."

"Do you know what was wrong?"

"As it turns out, absolutely nothing! My Mum came by with this little test from the chemist, and" - she spoke softly but rather slowly, so she wouldn't have to repeat herself- "it turns out that you're going to be a father come the new year."

She heard him draw in a swift breath. He didn't speak for a long moment.

"Really?" he asked quietly as he tightened his arms around her, and turned her face towards him.

"Yes," she said softly with a very large smile on her face.

"Really," he repeated as a smile spread across his face and he kissed her long and hard. "I knew when we removed the charms this could happen, but for some reason I didn't really expect it, at least not this soon."

"Soon? We removed the charm and I binned my pills in February. This is late May and no one on earth could accuse us of abstinence these last few months," she teased.

"Well, true…but…Wow! This is incredible! Are you happy?"

"I'm sure I'll make a right awful mother, but I am excited and thrilled. I only found out yesterday. I'm surprised I didn't wake you up in the middle of the night to tell you, but I waited patiently."

"Wow, that's incredible." Sirius sat stunned for a long time.

Finally Cordelia turned back to him and kissed him. He kissed back with a kiss that was so gentle and tender and inviting, she relaxed into his arms, relieved he was as happy about this development as she was. She was scared, and apprehensive but as his warmth stole into her, she knew it would be all right. She felt the energy in his fingertips as he brushed them across her breasts. It was almost as if he wasn't touching her at all. She seemed to be able to feel his energy before she actually felt his caress. She was thrilled all the way to her toes. He lifted off her T-shirt and turned her to face him as he slid down in the bed so she lay along his body from nose to toes.

He had begun to murmur how much he loved her against her neck and lips as his hands began an exploration of her body that was so breathtakingly tender, it nearly undid her. His hand paused on her abdomen as she heard him whisper in her ear, thank you. He leaned up on one elbow and gazed down into her eyes. She thought she could see his soul through those deep brown eyes. She knew she could feel his essence through his hands and wherever else her body touched his. All the emotions she felt for this man were building slowly. She was holding herself back a bit, trying to make this a slow, gentle time, but what she really wanted was to express all her excitement and passion about their future. She threaded her hand through his hair and drew him to her and tried to express in one kiss the passion she wanted share with him. He must have understood, because the caresses and movements of his mouth and hands went from soft and gentle and slow to much more demanding and forceful. Her movements responded in kind as she tried to give Sirius all the energy and excitement that had built in her over the last 24 hours. She felt like she was getting as much in return as she gave herself up to him and he took them up to that which was their place. Only this time is was higher and farther away than they had gone before. It was the place they could reach where neither world could intrude. The place where reality could be suspended, and fantasy could be achieved.

The End