Behind The Veil

Behind the Veil: Lost Love

When someone we love dies, we always think that they will come back to us, that they would never leave us. Admit it, you do don't you? However, if you're alive you can't be a ghost. Even if you are alive trapped in the Veil world, the world for those who are waiting. Behind the Veil is a horrible place to go, even when you are dead. For me, it was a living hell, which is almost ironic since I was still alive, still am.

*

I fell behind the veil, fighting Bellatrix. Bellatrix Lestrange was one of the few who ever escaped from Azkaban. I was the first. Funny, I started up a chain reaction. But I digress. She taunted me one time too many, throwing stunning spells and death curses at me like they were sweets being thrown at a baby. The Veil was behind me the entire time but I didn't really think about it, simply thought it was a piece of ratty material to confuse people. I did not hear the voices, the whispers. I was too concerned about Harry. Great way to repay him. Now he will never see me again.

As I fell, the one thought running through my mind was that I'd get to see all the people I'd really loved in my life; James, Lily and...Katie. Who is Katie? The one woman I have ever loved in my life. She died in the Order's Service a month before James and Lily. I think that's why Dumbledore thought me capable of betraying them. That the death of my fiancée had unhinged my mind.

No mortal should ever fall behind the Veil. You become lighter than air, drifting down to the ground. But it is not your usual ground. No earth, no rocks, simply transparent mistiness as far as the eye can see. I could hear excited murmurs but because of the mist, I could see no one.

"What's your name?" someone asked keenly.

I found my voice. "Sirius, Sirius Black. Please, is Katie down here?"

"Katie? You know Katie? She passed through a while ago, into the nothingness we end up as. You become part of the air, the trees, all living things. Kept taking about a man she loved, Samuel I think?"

"Sirius. It was Sirius."

"Oh, you were the one she loved?" The voice was curious though not unkind.

"Are James and Lily here?"

"Them too? Wow, you got around. Though I can tell you would, a handsome fella like you."

"This is no time for jokes," I said angrily, standing up and blindly moving toward the voice.

"Whoops, you stepped right through me." The voice sounded amused. "And this is a time for jokes because you're going to be here a very long time, waiting to die of old age."

Suddenly, my vision cleared and I could see. "Katie?" I asked. Though the figure was silvery and misty, I could discern features. The long wavy hair, the huge eyes, the full lips.

"Yes," the ghost, if you could call her a ghost, said. "Sirius."

I reached out to touch her but felt nothingness. "Why did you lie?"

"Because I was afraid. Afraid that I'd found you just to lose you. And I have." Her eyes filled with tears, tears of mist.

"No, don't go. Katie, where are James and Lily?"

"They passed through here a long time ago. Went straight on to become one with the world. Me, I waited for you. Now I have to go. I have stayed here too long. Good bye Sirius."

She faded into the mist. "NO!" I screamed. But no one listened. Knowing it was futile; I tried to clamber back, to the Veil hanging in the mist above. But you are not meant to climb mist. Just like the living are not meant to be in the world of the dead.

*

So here I am. Waiting to die, waiting. With nothing to kill myself with and nothing to hold on to. Wherever you are, Harry, I'm sorry, so sorry.