Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

The First Stone in the Wall

Chapter Thirteen

"And finally the silence,

Looking out, looking back across the sky

Trying to find a meaning

Still I smell a lingering softness

Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna, I wanna know

Thinking back before her,

I never knew the meaning of alone

Where did she go, how did she go, I wanna, I wanna know

Come on, come on

Without you I'll never feel the love inside

Come on, come on

You know that we belong

Come on, come on."--Ben Jelen

February 1978

Remus held the letter in his hands and felt white hot panic surging through his body. He ran through the common room, took to the stairs two at a time and burst through the door to his dormitory. Everyone inside stopped what they were doing and looked up at him.

"Where did she go?" Remus said, looking straight at Lily.

"W-what?" she asked, startled by the tone in his voice and the wild look in his eyes.

"Where did she go?" he yelled.

"Now, just a damn minute," James said, standing up and crossing over to Remus. He didn't care for the way Remus was talking to Lily.

Lily stood up and caught James' arm. "She said she was going for a walk," she said as she held James back.

"Give me the map, James!" Remus demanded wildly.

"What for? What's going on, Moony?" James asked in confusion.

"GIVE ME THE DAMN MAP, JAMES!" he roared.

Sirius was already shuffling through James' trunk in search of the map. "Here it is," he said, holding it up and passing it to James.

"Here," James replied.

Remus didn't say anything. He snatched the map from James' hand and turned. He ran out of the dormitory, leaving his friends to wonder what was going on.

* * * *

Remus looked down at the map as he ran. He could see her dot moving slowly just outside the entrance hall. It looked as though she were heading toward the lake. He could still get to her. He knew he could.

He ran with all his might down the moving staircases, cursing when he had to stand and wait for the next one to arrive.

When he was standing in the entrance hall, he paused to catch his breath. He looked back down at the map; her dot was beside the lake, but it was...blinking.

"What in the hell?" he said.

He immediately rushed to the front doors, pushing them open harshly. It was dark outside and there was barely enough moon to cast any kind of light on the shadowed grounds. As soon as he stepped foot outside, a cold wind howled through the Forbidden Forest and chilled him completely.

"Jane!" he yelled, calling out into the darkness. "Jane!" He received no answer, so he tried something different. "HERMIONE!" All was silent but the wailing wind. He lit his wand and hurried down to the lake.

* * * *

Hermione stood by the lake with her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she could do nothing but wait--wait for the magic to fade and take her away. She was still there but she held no reflection in the water, no shadow on the ground.

The wind began to moan and she shivered in the cold. Her heart stopped when she heard someone calling her name.

"Jane!"

She turned and looked up toward the castle. She could see his silhouette in the darkness.

"Jane!" he yelled again.

Her bottom lip trembled in response. He can't see me.

"HERMIONE!"

She stopped breathing. Her blood stopped flowing. Everything just stopped. Then, her heart shattered inside her chest, breaking into a million different shards. He had called her name, her real name.

"Remus," she whispered.

She watched him run down to the edge of the lake and look around in the darkness. He was holding the Marauder's Map, his wand and the letter she'd written to him. The parchment blew wildly in the wind, but Remus held onto them tightly.

"Jane?" he called out in a whisper. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could smell the scent of her so very faintly. When he glanced down at the map again, her dot was no longer blinking--it was gone.

"No," he whispered hoarsely, his throat becoming much too tight. "I didn't want you to leave."

His voice and his words continued to rip at Hermione's collapsing emotions. Her misery was a deep cavernous hole and it was yawning, preparing to swallow her whole with a razor sharp tongue. She reached out to touch Remus, although he could not see her. She pressed her hand against his face but it simply slipped right through as if she were nothing but a ghost.

Remus shuddered when this happened and looked around. "Jane?" But soon he hung his head and said nothing more. Hermione watched him for what felt like an eternity, and while she knew her tears had not stopped falling, Remus' face was dry, but she could feel his sorrow.

He dropped down onto the ground, resting on his knees. He put his wand down and lit a crackling flame in his hand. It shimmered and danced in the wind. Remus' face was twisted with grief and his teeth were clenched tightly. He tossed it out onto the water and watched it slide across the blackness, leaving a tiny trail of light behind.

"I'll never let go," he whispered before closing his eyes and hanging his head.

Hermione knelt down beside him, wishing she could comfort him in some way but he couldn't see her and she couldn't even touch him. Suddenly a blinding silver light surrounded her. She shielded her eyes with her hands. Her entire body began to tingle and she shivered in the silver ribbons of light. She was leaving 1978 behind and she saw Remus' face before everything faded and the darkness consumed her.

Remus opened his eyes and looked up at the flame on the water. It was far across the lake and growing very dim. He was overcome with sadness. His emotions were pulled so tightly, stretched too far, and a cold numbness throbbed in his chest. It was too much pain to bear at once; it seemed to freeze his emotions, stop his heart and everything ceased to be...yet he was still there. Remus could not cry; it was all much too intense for crying...it was more sorrow than could be washed away with mere tears.

Somewhere in his heart, he hoped that Jane would come back to him, run back into his arms and tell him she was sorry for writing the letter and tell him she never wanted to leave, but she never came back...not in the way he was expecting. That night, Remus added the first stone to the wall he would try to build around his heart.