Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

Fading Away

Chapter Twelve

"If you wait for me

Then I'll come for you

Although I've traveled far

I'll always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me

If you miss me once in awhile

Then I'll return to you

I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering your touch, your kiss, your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

Please say you'll be waiting

Together again

It would feel so good to be in your arms

Where all my journeys end

If you can make a promise

If it's one that you can keep

I vow to come for you

If you'll wait for me

And say you'll hold

A place for me in your heart."--Tracy Chapman

February 1978

Hermione blinked her eyes open slowly. She was still lying against Remus' chest. She picked up her head and glanced up at him. He smiled down at her.

"Morning," he said quietly.

She smiled before lying back on his chest and sighing. "What time is it?"

"Around five in the morning."

"What are you doing awake?" she asked.

"Thinking," he said, smiling as she moved her fingers gently on his chest. He reached his hand up and held hers.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"I got enough."

"I suppose I should escape to my dormitory before anyone gets up," she said, blushing.

Remus smirked. "We wouldn't want people to talk."

"Definitely not...think of the scandal," she teased.

"And the shame," he laughed.

Hermione pushed herself up on her arms and sat up on the edge of the bed. She ran her hands through her curls and sighed as reality moved its way back into her mind. Remus propped himself up on his elbow and watched her.

Hermione rubbed her face with her hands. "Remus?" she called to him quietly without turning around.

"Yeah?" he asked, sensing something in her voice that twisted his stomach.

Their relationship had spiraled into something she couldn't wrap her hands around anymore. It had crossed over the borders of fleeting into the hazy area of no return, where there was no turning back--all lines had been crossed, all memories made permanent.

"I--" She stopped. What did she want to say? She tried to focus her thoughts. "I had a wonderful time last night with you, and no matter what happens nothing will ever change that," she said, feeling her eyes begin to water.

"I agree," Remus replied quietly. Hermione turned and looked down at him. Shirtless, blue-eyed, and so very young, Remus Lupin had captured her heart and she never wanted it back, knowing it was completely out of the question to expect such a thing.

She reached out and pushed his hair from his eyes, touching his face in the process. She knew she had stumbled into a forbidden place by loving Remus and it would not last. She would be taken away, but she wanted to stay.

She just couldn't stay. It was foolish of her to even toy around with that very idea. What was she planning on doing--live with Remus for the next twenty years and pretend to feel sorrow when everyone around them died? Well, it wouldn't actually be pretending...part of her heart was already breaking at the thought of losing James, Lily, Sirius, and even poor, misguided Peter. She knew the answer--without a doubt--she could not stay. But how could she leave?

A tear rolled down her cheek before she could stop it. Remus sat up and looked at her with concern. She closed her eyes, being unable to look at him and maintain control of her emotions. The loss here would be great...for them both.

"What is it?" he asked, touching her cheek with his hand.

"I--" she whispered, trying to control her trembling voice, "I love you."

"And that makes you cry?" he asked, looking troubled.

Hermione opened her eyes and more tears followed the first, wetting her cheeks. "No," she smiled weakly, reaching out and touching Remus' face. "It's wonderful..." And so very tragic.

"Do you really?" he asked. "Do you really love me?"

She nodded as Remus leaned over and kissed up her cheek. "Good, because I love you," he whispered against her face. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him to her tightly. Then, she took a deep breath, pulled away from him, wiped her cheeks and smiled as best as she could.

"I should get going. I'm sorry for being so girlie," she said as she toyed with the edge of the bed sheets.

"Don't be sorry for anything," he said, reaching for her hand. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Oh, well, I didn't want to leave." I never do.

"See you at breakfast?"

"Of course," she replied. She leaned over and kissed his cheek before slipping out through his bed curtains.

Remus leaned back on his pillow and breathed in deeply. He could smell the sweet scent of her all around him and something else...love. It was thick in the air and crowding his heart, and Remus smiled.

* * * *

Hermione made her way back to her own dormitory and pushed open the door quietly. The room was dark and all was quiet. She sighed and dropped face down onto her bed. She hadn't meant to get upset with Remus but the certainty of her leaving kept creeping into her heart and casting a dark shadow over her. The more time she spent with Remus, the less she wanted to leave but then what of Harry and Ron and everything back in 1998--even Remus was there. But he was different there--he didn't treat her as anything but a student. How would she ever look at him the same...without thinking of his boyish smile, his innocent eyes and his kisses that drove her to madness?

She rolled over onto her back and stared up at her canopy; she allowed herself to smile. Thoughts of last night passed through her mind and she relaxed with a sigh into the softness of her bed. It had been magical--an entirely different kind of magic she had never experienced before...one that could not be taught in any of Miranda Goshawk's books.

Hermione yawned and fell into a deep slumber until she heard someone calling her name and tugging her out of her dreams.

"Jane? Jane?"

Hermione opened her eyes and rolled her head sleepily to the side. Lily's head was peeking through her curtains, her red hair falling down around her shoulders. "Hmm?"

"You didn't come home last night," Lily said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"What?" Hermione asked, slowly waking up. "What time is it?"

"Almost time for breakfast. I know you didn't come back here last night. Where were you?" Lily asked playfully.

Hermione blushed. "With Remus," she whispered.

Lily smiled. "Yeah? I knew it. Remus is the romantic one, isn't he?"

Hermione sighed happily. "He is. He's perfect."

"What did he get for you?"

"Oh," she remembered her gift and then remembered she'd left it in Remus' room, "he gave me a journal and I left it in his dormitory."

"Perfect reason to pay him another visit," Lily laughed.

"Oh stop it. I didn't do it on purpose," Hermione said, swinging her legs off the bed.

"I know I've said this to you a million times, but I really am glad that Remus found you. He deserves somebody who loves him and understands everything that comes with 'loving Remus'. He's good and faithful and kind, but I'm sure you've realized all these things."

Hermione nodded, watching Lily and seeing bits and pieces of Harry flashing in her eyes. She had the same serious line form between her brows as he did when he talked of something important.

"Lily, if things change one day and Remus and I are no longer together, I want you to know that I will never, and I mean never, care for anyone as I do him."

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't you be together?"

"Life is strange, Lily. Sometimes the most unexpected things happen...things we aren't prepared for or things we would never have anticipated--good and bad. I only want you to know that I love Remus, very much, and nothing will ever change that--no amount of time or sadness or anything. Do you believe me?"

"Of course, Jane." Lily reached out to touch her hand in a gesture of comfort. "But in my heart I believe that you and Remus will travel to the end of this road together, no matter the bumps along the way."

And Hermione felt a small amount of comfort in her words. "I hope so," she whispered in response. "I best wash up and go and get my journal before breakfast."

"Sounds like a good idea. I'll meet you down in the common room."

Hermione gathered her things for the shower and left her dormitory, still hearing the echo of Lily's words. I believe you and Remus will travel to the end of this road together, no matter the bumps along the way. She took a deep breath and secretly hoped that much was true, because when she returned to 1998 she would still love Remus, but he would not know her...not as she knew him.

* * * *

When Hermione was cleaned up and dressed, she walked down the stairs, passed through the common room and headed up the staircase to the boy's dormitories.

She knocked lightly on the door and she heard someone call, "Come in!"

Hermione pushed open the door and poked her head inside. "Remus?" she asked, looking around and seeing the room was empty except for him. He was standing near his bed without his shirt on, hair still dripping from his shower, and looping a belt around his waist. Hermione grabbed the doorframe and bit her bottom lip. "Wow," she whispered, still amazed at how easily he took her breath away.

"Morning," he said, smiling at her. "You can come in."

Hermione laughed lightly, not even realizing she had been staring with her mouth agape just outside the door.

"I-I left my journal in here," she said.

"Oh, and to think I thought you were just coming to see me," he said playfully.

"Well, that's just an added bonus," she said shyly, walking over to where he was standing.

He leaned over and flipped open the lid to his trunk. He pulled out a shirt and saw the journal. "There it is," he said as he tugged his shirt over his head.

Hermione bent down and lifted it out of his trunk. She stood with her back to him as she glanced down at the letters on the front cover. In a matter of seconds, Remus was standing right behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, placing light kisses there. She could feel his breath against her ear and she smiled.

"Remus," she giggled breathlessly.

"What?" he asked innocently as he pulled her close to him.

"You can't do that," she said, loosening her grip on the journal in her hands.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't think straight when you do that," she giggled again as he flicked his tongue out against her neck playfully.

"And what do you need to think about?"

"School," she said, turning around quickly in his arms and smiling up at him.

"Oh, speaking of school," he said, pulling away from her and gathering his wand and his robes, "today is the first review day for NEWTs, and it isn't mandatory. We were thinking of spending the day in Hogsmeade."

"It isn't mandatory? That's impossible. It's always mandatory," she said disbelieving.

"Not here. Today's review is only for those who think they need extra help on subjects. And you," he said, sliding his arms around her waist again and kissing her lips quickly, "don't need any extra help. So, what do you say? Come to Hogsmeade with us. Lily's going," he said, thinking that might coerce her into going with him, but truthfully, Hermione would have probably followed Remus to the ends of the earth.

"Okay, but no alcohol this time," she said, eyeing him playfully.

"I promise, but do I get a reward for being a good boy this time then?" he said, smiling and kissing up her jawline.

She reached her hand around his neck for support; her knees felt weak. "You can have whatever you want," she said.

Remus pulled away from her and arched an eyebrow. "Oooo, the possibilities." Hermione leaned her head back and laughed.

"Oh, you make me happy, Remus," she said honestly.

Remus grinned, ran his hand through his wet hair and enjoyed the sound of her laughter. "Let's say we go down to the common room and meet up with the others." He grabbed Hermione's hand and led her out of his dorm and down the stairs. She followed him with a smile on her face, thinking how perfect life felt with Remus.

* * * *

Remus and Hermione met up with the others down in the common room, and as they all walked down the grand staircase, she realized quite a few seventh years were going to Hogsmeade; the entrance hall was a bit crowded. She released a small sigh of relief--at least they weren't breaking any rules...this time.

Upon entering Hogsmeade the Marauders, with Lily and Hermione, walked casually up the street. Hermione watched other students rush into Honeyduke's or fill up Zonko's looking at the newest gadgets. She stopped in front of a store she had never seen before. It was called Brackerman's Books of Every Kind.

"I didn't know this used to be here," she said to herself but Remus heard.

"Used to be here?" he laughed.

"I mean, I didn't know this store was here," she corrected.

Remus shrugged. "It's been here as long as I've been coming here. You want to go in?" Hermione smiled at him. "I don't know why I even asked." He turned around to look at the others. "We're going to go inside here for a few minutes."

"We'll come with you," James said as he followed Remus and Hermione.

Hermione walked inside and immediately took a deep breath. It smelled just like the Hogwarts library--leather, a bit of dust and old polished wood. "What a great place!" she said glancing around.

"Well, come on inside and have a look around," Remus said playfully because she was still standing in the doorway.

The Marauders all separated and walked around the store while Remus followed Hermione. She stopped in a back corner and gasped. "I can't believe they have a copy of this!" she exclaimed. "It's so hard to find...where I'm from," she added.

She reached out and pulled the book from the shelf. Remus watched her and he was unable to help himself as he leaned over and kissed her neck while she flipped through the pages.

"Remus," she said softly, laughing and tugging away. "What are you doing?"

"I can't help it. You're sexy when you get so passionate about books," he replied, kissing her ear. She giggled. "Intelligence is sexy."

"Remus, we're in the bookstore," she protested quietly, looking up into his eyes.

"And?" he asked, slipping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him.

"And you aren't supposed to do those kinds of things in the bookstore."

"Did you just make that up?"

"Possibly," she laughed and Remus pressed his mouth to hers before she could protest any further. She reached out blindly and put the book back on the shelf. "But," she said between kisses, "...we...really...mmmm...not...be...doing...ohh...this..."

"I could stop if you like," he said playfully, placing kisses down the side of her neck. She shivered and leaned into him.

"This is so unfair," she whispered into his shoulder, enjoying his kisses.

Remus found her mouth again and she slipped her arms around his neck as they kissed.

Across the store Sirius picked up a funny looking green quill. "Who could possibly want this piece of trash?" he asked.

"Shh, Sirius, don't say things like that so loudly," Lily scolded.
"Well, look at it," he said. "Watch this." James, Peter and Lily stepped closer to the scratch sheet of parchment. Sirius held the quill over the paper and let go of it. It hovered there. "My name is Sirius Black." The quill began scratching away, but the words were different.

Sirius Black is a dashingly handsome bachelor who is still looking for the right woman although it's not very likely he'll find her.

He rolled his eyes while the others laughed. "You think that's funny? Let's try one of you," he said looking at James.

"James Potter is here inside Brackerman's with his girlfriend Lily Evans."

James Potter is a self-absorbed young man, who is on a very short leash held by Lily Evans. Potter doesn't mind this however and enjoys being bossed around by Evans simply because he knows what a wildcat she is in bed...

Lily reached out and slapped the quill down onto the parchment. "What a piece of trash," she said in a huff before walking away. James and Sirius exchanged a look and Peter snickered.

"Where's Remus?" James asked, trying to ease the awkwardness.

"Probably reading with Jane," Sirius said. "Let's go find them."

James and Sirius walked off but Peter was still staring at the quill. He picked it up and held it over the parchment. "My name is Peter Pettigrew." The quill began writing.

Peter Pettigrew is a misunderstood Gryffindor who would do well if he would remember the value of true friendships. However part of little Peter's heart is already darkened, isn't it?"

Peter gasped and knocked the quill away from the paper, hurrying away to find the others. When he found James and Sirius, they were bending over and whispering quietly.

"What's going on?" Peter asked.

"Shh," Sirius said, holding a finger up to his lips. He pointed to the bookshelf beside him and mouthed the words, Remus and Jane.

James slowly slid a book off the shelf and the three boys could see Remus and Jane kissing. They were unable to control their snickering at the sight.

Hermione pulled away from Remus slowly and turned to her left. Her cheeks flushed immediately when she saw James, Sirius and Peter's faces crammed into a tiny space looking at them.

"You idiots," Remus said as he laughed. Hermione dropped her head onto his chest and laughed even though she felt thoroughly embarrassed.

"Having fun, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"I was."

"No need to stop," James said grandly. "Carry on. Don't mind us."

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Remus asked.

"Nope," Sirius answered playfully.

* * * *

Once outside of Brackerman's bookshop, Remus was quickly pulled into a brief snowball fight with James and Sirius against two Hufflepuffs. Hermione ducked around the building as a rogue snowball flew past her head. She was surprised to see Peter round the corner behind her.

"I bought something for you," he said timidly. "Well, I got one for everyone but I thought I'd go ahead and give you yours."

Hermione stared at him in confusion, frowning slightly. "You bought something...for me?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah," he said softly, reaching into a bag and pulling out a metallic object. The sunlight reflected off it brightly. He held it out in his hand and Hermione reached hesitantly for it.

It was a wax seal made of silver. The imprint on the bottom was a crescent moon and the letter J for Jane.

"I got the moon on there to remind you of Remus...so that you'll never forget him," Peter said shyly, pushing snow around with his shoe.

She watched him briefly, wondering how such a shy and quiet young man could do something so horrible to his friends in less than five year's time.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forget Remus," Hermione said honestly.

Peter looked up at her and nodded his head. "Yeah, I know, but I thought you'd like it anyway."

"I do. Thank you Peter," she said and he smiled at her. Part of her wanted to hug him and beg him to make a different choice in the future but she knew she couldn't. "This was very kind of you."

He shrugged again. "I'm glad Remus has you," he said before turning to walk away from her.

"Peter?"

"Yeah?" he asked, stopping to look over his shoulder at her.

She felt herself on the verge of saying something to him, something that might alter his future, therefore altering everyone's future, but stopped. She sighed. "Everything can be forgiven."

He tilted his head slightly and looked confused before laughing lightly. "Okay, Jane."

"Just something my Mum told me once," she said, laughing off her seriousness.

"I'll keep that in mind in case I need to remember it one day," he said as he walked away from her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the wax seal in her hand. She opened her eyes and looked down at it, experiencing conflicting feelings for Peter. In her day he was an unforgivable bastard, but in this time, he was still just a boy.

"Are you hiding from me?"

She looked up to see Remus standing nearby, a blob of snow plastered to his robes.

"Never," she smiled.

"Good. We're going to get a drink at The Three Broomsticks," he said, reaching out his hand to her. She hurried toward him, grabbed his hand and joined the group out on the street.

* * * *

James pushed open the door to The Three Broomsticks and they all piled in right behind him.

"I'll get some drinks," Remus said as they walked toward a booth in the back.

"Do you need my help?" Hermione asked kindly.

Remus leaned over and kissed her quickly. "I can get it. Save me a seat," he kissed her cheek, "beside you of course."

"That's easy," she said sweetly.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Sirius is quite the charmer...handsome, intelligent--"

"He is handsome and charming," she whispered as she leaned up closer to him. He frowned slightly, "But he is nothing compared to you." She kissed his lips quickly.

"You're going to spoil me," he said.

"And what's wrong with that?" she asked, encircling her arms around his waist and looking up.

"Hey Moony! We're dying of thirst here!" James yelled from the back of the room.

Hermione turned and laughed. Remus kissed the top of her head before saying, "Okay, go get us a seat and I'll be right over."

Remus walked up to the bar. Rosmerta's father was tending bar and he grinned at Remus.

"Afternoon," the old wizard said in greeting.

"Good afternoon, sir. Six butterbeers, please."

The old man placed six heavy mugs on the wooden bar and began filling them with butterbeer. "I see you've worked things out with your lady." Remus looked up unexpectedly and nodded. "And you've realized your idea from the other night was foolish, no doubt?"

"If you're talking about my idiot idea of drinking away my problems, then yes, it was foolish."

"The Devil's Fire taught you a lesson, did it not?"

"That was the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth...well, I take that back, but it wasn't worth it," Remus said, gathering the glasses in his hands and slipping his fingers through the handles carefully.

"Good. I'm glad you have come to realize that. Enjoy your friends," he said.

Remus nodded his head in thanks and walked carefully back to the table, watching the drinks as he walked and trying not to spill anything. He placed the mugs down on the table and slid into the curved booth beside Hermione. She smiled sweetly over at him.

"Thanks," she said softly. He winked at her in response.

"Thanks Moony, old boy," Sirius said, picking up his mug and clinking it into James'. He placed it against his lips but before he could drink, James nudged him.

"I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"Oh no," Lily mumbled.

"Let's play a game," James replied.

"What kind of game?' Peter wondered.

"It's called 'I Never'."

"What kind of game is that?" Lily asked warily.

"We'll take turns. I'll start. If I say 'I've never kissed a boy', then if anyone at the table has kissed a boy then they would have to take a swig of butterbeer. Does that make sense to everyone?"

Everyone nodded their heads and agreed that the game wasn't very confusing.

"Why do I get the feeling the questions aren't going to be as nice as that one?" Hermione whispered to Remus, who only grinned and shook his head.

* * * *

The booth erupted into loud laughter. Hermione had tears in her eyes as she clutched her side.

"I can't believe you tried to seduce our professor!" James laughed.

"And what was it she said again?" Remus said, shaking with laughter, a huge grin on his face.

"Something about Sirius being a bit like the school broomstick!" Lily said, leaning her head against James' shoulder.

"I intimidated her," Sirius said defensively.

"Yeah, because arrogant sixteen year olds generally intimidate their attractive, much older, professors," James said playfully.

"Next question," Sirius said, feigning anger.

"I think it's your turn, Lil," James said, looking at her.

"Hmmm," she said, thinking. "Okay, this question is just for fun, but I've never eaten a flobberworm."

"Gross," Hermione said, wrinkling up her nose.

The entire table was surprised when James picked up his mug and took a drink.

"James?" Lily said in surprise.

"What?" he asked, looking around at the others.

"You've actually eaten a flobberworm?" Sirius asked in complete shock. "That's disgusting, Prongs."

"I was nine!" he yelled.

"Nine? That's actually old enough to know better," Remus added, then laughed.

"Next question," James said, mimicking Sirius from earlier.

"Peter, it's your turn," Remus said.

"Okay, I have never tickled the pear," he said, watching James, Remus, Sirius and Jane pick up their mugs and drink.

Hermione didn't realize she'd done something wrong until she placed her mug back onto the table and noticed the stares of the others.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"When have you tickled the pear?" Sirius asked skeptically.

Oh, damn it, she thought quickly. I've never done that here.

"Tickled the pear?" she said hastily. "I thought you said pickled a pear," she lied.

"Oh," Remus said, relaxing beside her. He knew she'd never gone down to the kitchens with him.

"Nah, tickling the pear is what you do when you want to enter the kitchens at Hogwarts," Peter said.

"Oh, I see," Hermione said, pretending to be surprised.

"Your turn," Remus said, looking over at Hermione.

"Oh, give me a minute. I don't have a question yet," she said, biting her bottom lip and thinking.

"I have another one," Peter said excitedly.

"You just went Peter," Sirius replied.

"I know but this is a good one," he said, looking a Sirius with wide eyes and nodding his head.

"Okay," Sirius said, curious to see what Peter's question was, "go ahead but we'll skip you next time, to keep it fair."

"All right," Peter said happily, rubbing his hands together, "I have never been nekkid with Remus."

"Did he just say nekkid?" Lily whispered to James.

"I think he meant naked, Lil," James whispered back.

"What?" Remus laughed in surprise.

"I have never been nekkid with Remus," Peter replied again, talking very slowly.

"Good one Peter," Sirius said and everyone turned their eyes to Hermione and Remus.

Hermione's mouth dropped open and she didn't know whether to laugh or hide her face. She looked up quickly at Remus. He was grinning shyly and an awkward silence passed over the table as everyone watched them.

"You don't have to drink," Remus whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

"Technically we weren't naked," she mumbled out of the side of her mouth.

"True. I was wearing my socks." They made eye contact and laughed.

She turned back to see the others were still staring at her and waiting.

"Oh honestly," Hermione said, blushing furiously. She grabbed her mug and picked it up to drink, but Sirius had picked his up at the exact same moment and tilted his mug back. He pulled it away after drinking and smiled with a line of froth on his top lip. Hermione watched him and choked on her butterbeer from laughing. The table erupted into loud laughter and talking once again.

When her coughing fit had passed she looked at Remus. "Something you should tell me?"

Remus leaned over and kissed her lips quickly. "Sirius is the school broomstick, remember?" She slapped his arm playfully. "Ouch, I'm kidding. He's an idiot," he said teasingly. "There is no excuse for him."

* * * *

The sun was setting and turning the sky different hues of pink and orange, and as it slipped further into the horizon, the sky was splashed with deepening shades of blue and purple. Hermione walked up the street in Hogsmeade, holding Remus' hand and smiling. She looked up at him; he was laughing because Sirius and Peter were both trying to cram snow down the other's robes. James and Lily were whispering quietly among themselves, and for a moment, Hermione was sure the world was revolving around her. It was the kind of moment when the mind takes a mental picture and promises to store it forever among the most cherished of memories. It was bittersweet for she knew it could not stay like this forever...even if she never returned back to her own time, it still would not stay like this. The happiness of the Marauders was fleeting as was her time with Remus. She gripped his hand a little tighter, willing him to never let go of her--no matter what.

They made their way back to Hogwarts and finally up to their common room. It was after dinner but they weren't hungry; they had drank way too much butterbeer and eaten at least twenty of Honeyduke's bars of chocolate between the six of them.

Remus walked Hermione to the bottom of her staircase. "Are you going to come back down later tonight?"

"Sure. I'll probably get cleaned up a bit, jot a few things down in my journal and come back down," she said as she leaned over and kissed him gently. "I had a great time today."

"Me, too." He smiled at her and it caused her heart to flutter. "I'll see you soon."

She reached out and touched his cheek before kissing him again. Then, Hermione turned and walked up the staircase to her dormitory. Lily was already up there changing clothes.

"Did you have a good time today, Lily?" Hermione asked as she crawled on her bed with her journal.

"Oh yes. It's so nice to have a day off every now and then to relax," she said, sitting down on the edge of her bed and pulling on a pair of dry socks. "Are you going to stay up here for a while?"

"I'm going to write for a few minutes then I'll be down," Hermione said.

"Okay," Lily said, standing up and padding through the dorm in her socks, "I'll see you downstairs."

Hermione smiled at Lily as she opened her journal and grabbed a quill. When she held her hand over the paper she gasped. "Oh no!" she wailed.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, poking her head back into the dorm.

"N-nothing," she stammered.

"You sure?"

"Yes, just go. I'm fine," Hermione said, her voice trembling.

"O-okay, I'll be downstairs if you need me," Lily said, disappearing out the door.

Hermione looked back down at her hand. Half of two of her fingers on her left hand were missing. A conversation she'd had with Remus flashed into her mind.

"I suppose it's a bit like becoming transparent very slowly. The people around you won't notice though. One minute you're there and the next you're gone."

"No, no, no," she whispered, tears forming quickly in her eyes. "I'm not ready to go yet."

Hermione held out her hand in front of her and watched as her left hand, little by little, became transparent. How long would it take before she was completely gone? She wanted to run to Remus and tell him the truth, but she knew she couldn't. She wiped at her wet cheeks and knew there was only one thing she could do--tell Remus goodbye. But she wouldn't be able to go to him because he would see what was happening. With a shaky hand, she began to write to him, crying as the ink flowed from her quill onto the parchment.

Dearest Remus,

I must go. I cannot stay any longer. This is where our journeys must uncross and take their separate paths. I will never forget what we have shared--a thousand lifetimes could not erase it from my memory. You have shown me a love that I did not even believe existed, and I will be eternally grateful for the rest of my life.

I will love you always,

Hermione Jane

She folded the parchment and placed a tiny kiss on it, wetting the edges with her tears. She melted a stick of dark red wax and pushed the seal she'd received from Peter into the cooling circle of scarlet. She dropped the seal into her pocket and cried as she stood up. She thrust her left hand into her pocket so as to not arouse suspicion if she were to pass anyone in the common room.

She walked down the stairs with the letter and her journal in her hand. She stood in the common room and looked around at it for the last time; her bottom lip trembled. This would be the last time she would see things as they were in 1978. Lily was sitting in a chair near the hearth. She looked up at Hermione as she entered.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting up and looking at Hermione with concern.

Hermione nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment. She dropped the letter into Remus' chair and then stared down at it, feeling her heart slowly begin to shatter. She wondered if Lily could hear it cracking.

"Is that for Remus?" Lily wondered. Again, Hermione nodded. "Jane, are you sure you're okay?"

Hermione looked up at her and shook her head. "I'm not okay, Lily, but I can't talk about it. I'm going to go for a walk," she said quietly, trying to smile through the pain. She would never see Lily again, not after this moment.

Lily stood up and walked over to Jane. "You can talk to me, Jane. Is there anything I can do?"

Hermione leaned over and hugged Lily tightly before pulling away. "You can take care of Remus, forgive Peter for his shortcomings, trust Sirius forever, cherish the time you have with James and if you should ever have a child, love him with all your heart," she whispered sadly.

"I would do anything for my children," Lily said, not quite understanding Jane's words.

"Then everything will be just as it should be," Hermione said, wiping at her tears again. "I'm going for a walk." And I won't be coming back.

Hermione walked away and exited out through the portrait hole. She was amazed she even had the strength to walk away, but her legs seemed to carry her away and she never looked back...she knew if she turned around, everything would crumble and fall into a million pieces.

Lily watched her leave and frowned in concern. She did the only thing she could think of--she went upstairs to get Remus. Once at the top of the stairs and standing at their door, she knocked.

"Come in," someone called.

She pushed open the door and looked for Remus. He was sitting on his bed, laughing with Peter over something that was spinning in Peter's hand.

"You okay, love?" James asked upon seeing her face.

"Remus?" she asked.

He took one look at her face and stopped laughing. He stood up immediately. "What's wrong?"

"It's Jane. I think she's upset about something. She's left a letter for you in your chair," Lily said quietly, still holding the door open with her hand.

"What?" he said anxiously. Without waiting for an answer, he rushed by Lily and down the stairs.

He entered the common room and his eyes fell upon the letter lying in his chair. She had sealed it with deep crimson wax with the imprint of the letter J and a crescent moon pressed inside the pool of cooled wax. He slid his finger under the fold and opened it quickly.

He read her words and his stomach crashed through the stone floor. No. That one simple word kept racing through his mind over and over again. His hands began to shake and he reread the words. Surely she wasn't actually leaving? Why would she go? Where was she going? Why hadn't she talked to him? He hadn't realized he wasn't breathing until his lungs began to ache with their need for air. He looked toward the entrance to the common room. He had to find her--he had to make her stay.