Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

She Will Be Loved

Chapter Eleven

"I know I tend to get insecure

It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

It's compromise that moves us along

My heart is full and my door's always open

You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

She will be loved"--Maroon 5

February 1978

Hermione awoke the next morning lying on her stomach, her quill stuck in her hair and pages of parchment crumpling under her cheek. She'd been unable to fall asleep after seeing Remus the night before and had decided to write down what she was thinking and feeling. Evidently, she'd fallen asleep mid-sentence. She sat up slowly, pulled the quill out of her hair and folded the parchments in half before stuffing them inside a nearby book.

She pushed herself out of bed and trudged slowly toward the showers. She tried not to think of seeing Remus again because it seemed to irritate the butterflies in her stomach and cause them to fly about in a manner that made her forget everything else...like washing the shampoo out of her hair before turning off the water.

"Ugh," she moaned in frustration, running her fingers through her wet curls and seeing white suds all over her hand. She rolled her eyes, secretly cursing the Marauders for charming a book and Ron and Harry for arguing over Quidditch...and Dean and Seamus for arguing with Ron and Harry...and not going to bed sooner that night when she was clearly too tired to still be sitting by the hearth and getting caught up in their conversation...and Professor Binns for assigning a paper that involved using Hogwarts, A History...and Susan Bones for borrowing her copy ...and again Harry and Ron for asking her to borrow the very book she'd loaned to Susan...and herself for being so knowledgeable with the workings of the library and knowing where practically every book was located in there so Harry and Ron would send her to the library instead...and...

Wow, she thought, washing the soap out of her hair, quite a few events fell together so that I might find the very book the Marauders had charmed 20 years before... Suppose Dumbledore is right and there is a reason that I'm here... Just suppose I was meant to fall in love with Remus...wait, she laughed doubtfully, I'm not in love with Remus. No, definitely not. Who cares how he kisses? She swayed on her feet and reached out for the edges of the shower stall to help regain her balance. Oh, I'm being ridiculous! She thought angrily as she turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her body. Without thinking, she began heading toward the dormitories and didn't even dry her feet, tracking watery footprints all the way there.

* * * *

Remus categorized his day as uneventful. He had wanted to talk to Jane; he had needed to talk to Jane, but he hadn't had a single opportunity. He thought he could squeeze in a few words to her at lunch time but she'd not shown up, disappointing him. By dinner time when the Gryffindor table was being filled up rapidly and there was still no sign of her, he began to wonder if she was avoiding him.

He stared down at the chicken on his plate and sighed, drooping his shoulders. He was just about to push his plate away when he heard a familiar voice across the table.

"Sorry I'm late," Hermione said, sliding in beside Lily and across from Remus.

He looked up quickly and caught her eye. She smiled sweetly before looking back at Lily.

"That's okay. Good thing you arrived when you did; I think Sirius and James are having a competition to see who can eat the most chicken before they give up...or get sick," Lily said, reaching for the pitcher of pumpkin juice and filling Hermione's glass.

"Thanks," she replied, smiling. "I got bogged down in the library researching for our next Potions project." Hermione had settled so comfortably into her daily routine in 1978 that her other life felt light years away in a distant place, and the memory of it faded a bit more every day.

"But we don't start it for another week at least," Lily said, passing Hermione a roll.

"I know, but I like to be prepared," Hermione said, blushing as she saw Remus grinning at her from across the table.

Hermione somehow managed to eat and swallow down her food, which impressed her greatly seeing as how her insides felt jumpy and nervous. Sitting across from Remus was as close as she'd been to him in a while. She hadn't meant to avoid him but she couldn't think straight when he was around and she needed her ability to focus; it had always been the one constant in her life.

After dinner, Hermione hopped up and tried to make her way back to the common room through the crowd of people. Before she reached the doors to the great hall, she felt someone grab her wrist. She stopped walking and turned around. Remus had a hold of her, smiling shyly. She glanced down at his hand on her wrist and looked back up at him quickly. He was touching her; she couldn't focus.

He pulled his hand off of her. "Oh...uh, sorry. I wanted to know--" he paused and glanced at the ground before continuing, "I wanted to know if you would take a walk with me...and we could...talk?"

Hermione couldn't help but smile despite her shaking insides. Remus looked so shy and loveable. "Sure."

"Really? I mean, great. We could walk down to the lake," he said.

"It's awfully cold outside," Hermione said as she wrinkled her brow.

"I can cast a pretty decent Warming Charm that will keep away the cold."

Hermione shrugged. "Okay."

Remus beamed down at her and forged a way through the moving students and Hermione followed him.

She briefly wondered if it was a good idea to go outside alone with Remus, but there was a voice in her head saying if she didn't go there would be a never-ending ocean of regret. When he turned around to make sure she was still behind him and smiled at her, she knew there was no other place she'd rather be than with him.

* * * *

Remus stopped walking just beside the doors inside the entrance hall. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Hermione. She instinctively closed her eyes tightly, scrunching up her face. Remus chuckled.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said lightly.

"Oh," Hermione said, feeling embarrassed, "of course you aren't. I'm sorry; I just had this vision of Ron casting a charm on me--"
"Ron?" Remus asked quickly, allowing a frown to tug at the corners of his mouth.

"Oh--uh--" she stuttered, "he's a friend of mine from back home."

"Boyfriend?"

"Oh, no. Best friends really. He's a great person...one of my very favorite people, but we fight like crazy," she said, smiling and thinking of Ron and then Harry--she was only just realizing how much she actually missed them both. "But we're just friends."

"Oh," Remus said quietly. She had never spoken of life from wherever she was from. One small step, he thought before pointing his wand at her again. "Calefacio," he spoke easily.

Hermione immediately felt her body warm up and settle into a regulated temperature. She smiled up at him. "All warm and toasty. Thanks."

"My pleasure," he said playfully as he cast the charm on himself. "Okay, ready?"

"Absolutely."

Remus pushed open the door and then closed it gently after Hermione was outside. He was thankful to see the snow had stopped falling even though the grounds were still covered in a thick blanket of white.

A path had been worn down to the lake, so Hermione and Remus took that route instead of pushing through the banks of snow. They walked in silence--Remus was thinking of how to begin the conversation he knew they needed to have--Hermione was still thinking about Harry and Ron and her previous life...the reality of this stay in 1978 only being temporary saddened her in a way she never thought possible.

When they stood near the banks of the river, Remus held out his hand palm up and a soft, crackling noise filled the air around them, followed by a shivering light in his hand.

"Ohh," Hermione said in surprise. Then she remembered Remus using the same magic on the Hogwarts Express in her third year. "I remember," she whispered so quietly.

"You remember what?" Remus asked as he knelt down and placed the strange flames on the grass at their feet. In another second he held another handful of crackling flames of light. He bent down again and combined the two flames.

"Oh just someone who used the same magic before," she said softly, watching the dancing flames.

"It's pretty rare. Not many people here at school can do it. My Mum taught me when I was younger because...well, I was often afraid of the dark," he grinned shyly.

Hermione smiled up at him. "It's very pretty," she replied, sitting down on the grass near the flames.

"It's handy. It gives off light and heat if you need but it doesn't burn." Remus sat down very near her.

"Yes, it is very handy."

The two sat in silence for a few more minutes before Remus found the courage to talk to her about more serious things. He glanced over at her. She was staring into the dancing flames, the light flickering against her face in shifting patterns, the sun was disappearing quickly.

He took a deep breath and leaned back on his palms, resting his weight on his arms and glancing out over the still lake.

"I was a very small boy when I received the bite. I was young and fool-hardy; it was all my fault," he shuddered and took another deep breath. Hermione cut her eyes over to him but said nothing. She felt his need to tell her this story, even though she remembered parts of it from the episode in the Shrieking Shack her third year.

"My parents were at a loss with what to do with me. They tried everything. My father was always the intellectual in the family, always seeking ways to cure me either through modern Muggle medicines or wizarding ways using magic. He wasn't prejudiced about where the help came from, as long as it came. My Mum, she was different. She was always the romantic, always the believer in faith and hope. Not long after I was bitten, she took me to this old cathedral just outside the city. She was looking for comfort," he told this story very quietly, but his words were full of a deep emotion--Hermione could almost feel his words...could almost feel the sadness.

"Tell me about the cathedral," Hermione whispered, reaching her hand over to his. She placed her hand on top of his gently, feeling the need to let Remus know she was listening and she cared about what he was telling her. She somehow knew that she was perhaps hearing things he had never spoken to anyone else.

"I remember the first time she took me like it only just happened. I remember how big and foreboding it was from the outside...very solid and demanding of respect..." He began to tell her the story just as he remembered it.

His mother pushed on the heavy wooden doors of the grand cathedral. They looked sturdy and strong and Remus wondered if this place would give his mother any comfort. He looked up at her face. It was strained; the lines around her mouth were turning down and a deep crease seemed permanently affixed between her brows.

He slapped his hands against the dark wooden pews as they walked down a long aisle. He shivered--it was cold and empty inside the sanctuary.

"Come on, Remus," she said sternly, pulling him down the aisle by his hand as only a mother can do when she forgets just how short her child's legs are. Remus knew she wasn't angry with him; she was upset. She had been for days.

At the end of the aisle stood a great marble slab. It was covered with a dark cloth; Remus leaned closer to it--yes, it was red, he decided. The slab was covered in little candles. Some were burning, some were not.

"Kneel down," his mother said and he obeyed. She knelt beside him and began uttering an eloquently crafted prayer that Remus only heard bits and pieces of. He was too busy looking around at the wonders inside such an enormous place.

The ceilings seemed to stretch up into infinity, and he briefly wondered if there was a ceiling at all. It was dark and shadowed up there. There were also stained glass windows intricately designed with pictures of people and objects. He didn't recognize any of them but he was certain his mother would. She always came to this place when she was in need of peace. Remus knew that and he was sad to know it was because of him that she was there today.

"Light your candle, Remus," she said quietly, interrupting his thoughts. He suddenly felt guilty for not listening to her prayer more closely.

"Why am I lighting this candle, Mum?" he wondered in an innocently curious voice that only a child can master.

"Because, Remus," she said softly, brushing his hair back from his face, "life will be much harder for you now after what happened." Remus winced. He knew she was referring to the werewolf bite; she understood things at the time much more clearly than he did--but he would learn. "And I want the heavens to watch over you. I also want you to understand something very, very important. Are you listening?" she asked and Remus nodded. "You must understand that if you were ever to bite another human being during your transformation, your soul would be damned for all eternity without redemption. Do you understand?" Again Remus nodded, feeling a tightening in his chest. "Light your candle and we'll pray for the heavens to guide you true."

His mother passed him a long matchstick. She lit his with her already burning match and together they lit their candles.

"Mum?" Remus whispered.

"Yes dear?"

"Will I have to spend the rest of my life alone?" he questioned, slowly understanding the impact of what had happened to him.

"No. Your father and I will be with you," she smiled as her eyes filled with tears.

"But after you're gone? Who will be with me then?" he wondered.

"There is no doubt in my mind that you will find someone who will love you just as much as we do," she said, brushing the hair out of his eyes again. "How could someone not love you?" she smiled through her tears, pulling Remus to her.

"Don't cry, Mum," he whispered.

After a few moments of stillness, his mother pulled away from their hug. "Okay. Time to go," she said, standing up and taking a deep breath. She grabbed Remus' hand and they began walking up the aisle. He turned once to look over his shoulder at the two flickering candles they had left behind as a silent prayer.

"Do you feel better, Mum?" Remus wondered.

"Yes, dear. I feel calmed. I know in my heart things will be okay...somehow," she whispered the last part and pushed open the doors to the cathedral, allowing the bright sunlight to cascade in; Remus squinted in the brightness, wondering how long their candles would burn as they walked away.

"As I got older, my family and I adjusted to what happened to me once a month and soon my mother quit taking me to the cathedral, but sometimes, I would still go there by myself and sit in the pew...and think about things."

"Trying to find comfort?" Hermione asked, looking up at him.

Remus sat up, turned his hand over and held Hermione's hand in his. "Yeah."

"Did it help?" she asked, feeling her hand tingling against Remus'.

"Most of the time it did," he said, smiling at the memory.

"I would like to see it one day. Do you think it will still be there in the future?" she wondered.

Remus laughed lightly, thinking how odd her question was. "I don't see why not. It's been there a few hundred years; what's a few hundred more?"

The conversation halted there and Remus felt immensely relieved to have shared his story with her. He held her hand in his and smiled over at her silhouette. With her he felt different, and he wrinkled his brow as he tried to think of the proper description of his feelings...he felt at ease with her but even that word wasn't good enough. It was happiness, but much greater. He took a chance and asked her a question.

"Could you tell me about yourself?"

Hermione looked over at Remus quickly; he could feel and see her body tense up in response.

"I don't know what you mean," she said, looking away.

"I don't know anything about you other than your name and your birthday. It would be nice to feel like I knew you. The strange thing is you don't feel like a stranger, but when I think about how much I know about you...it's really very minimal."

"What would you like to know? I'll try to answer your questions," she said, trying to pull her hand out of Remus' grasp. He pulled her back.

"I don't want to ask you questions. I want you to tell me," he said, looking over at her. Hermione looked into his blue eyes and her stomach flipped around at once.

"Umm...okay," she said, looking away from Remus and thinking about what she could tell him. "I like to read."

"I know that."

"My favorite color is blue. I have a cat," she smiled briefly, remembering Crookshanks. "My parents are dentists so I've never been allowed to eat many sweets, but I love Honeyduke's chocolate bars. I'm not a very good flyer. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights, but I'm not crazy about them either. I've never been into Quidditch. In fact, I loathe how involved everyone gets with it and how much of their happiness depends on who wins or loses." She stopped talking and thought again of Harry and Ron. She sighed and wondered how life had become so complicated. As if life in 1998 wasn't tense enough with the approaching War and worry over Harry, now she had been thrust into 1978 against her will and was falling for her former DADA professor against her better judgment.

Remus watched her talk and when she stopped he continued to look at her face. There was something there she wasn't telling him; he could see it just behind her smile, just beneath her happy expression.

"And what of your life before you came here?"

"It's complicated," she answered.

"You could try to explain it to me," Remus said, sliding closer to her.

"I can't," she replied.

"Tell me anything about it. Where are you from? Where did you go to school? Did you have any friends back there?"

"I had friends," Hermione said, her voice betraying a hint of melancholy.

"Do you miss them?" Remus wondered.

"Yes, but..."

"But what?" Remus asked, listening to her inhale slowly and release a shaky breath.

"But I am enjoying my new friendships here," she said honestly and Remus smiled. He was enjoying her as well.

Hermione had known the consequences of befriending the Marauders. She had known what the end result would be--she would not be able to stay with them in the past, but somehow she had made bonds with them all that would cause her to suffer greatly when they were broken and she returned home. She glanced over at Remus; he was watching the flames intently, probably thinking.

"I wish," she began shakily, "I wish I could make your life different somehow, make your struggles less difficult, your pain less severe."

Remus glanced up at her and reached out to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "You can't change other people's journeys."

"I know," she admitted quietly.

She wished she could alter Remus' path--save him the heartache she knew existed in his future. How could so much suffering be fair or necessary, especially when she could change it all very easily? It was like holding a Royal Flush in a poker game when you weren't even allowed to play--no way to win, no way to lose, and yet she felt as if she were losing something much deeper than what could be seen skimming over the surface. But what if changing Remus' past, as well as the others', changed much more than she would like? What if changing the past caused her to never end up right here with Remus? Was it worth losing what she'd found in him, worth risking these memories to never exist?

"It can't be that bad," Remus said lightly, watching the expressions pass across her face. She looked tense and troubled.

"You have no idea," she whispered quietly, looking out at the darkened lake.

"How can I when you won't tell me?"

"I told you, I can't, Remus. Some things weren't meant to be known."

"Like what?"

"Like the future..."

"Oh, I don't know. I think I'd like to know what happens down the road."

She looked at him seriously. "Would you really like to know the future?"

"Sure, I suppose."

"And if you found out something terrible, would you wish you'd never learned it?"

"I never thought of it that way. When you put it like that, I suppose I'd rather be pleasantly surprised."

"Or horribly disappointed."

Remus looked at her face and smiled slowly. "How can the future be horrible if you're there?" he whispered hoarsely.

And Hermione melted. Altering the past would definitely not be worth never ending up here beside Remus, who could make her entire body turn to air by hardly doing anything at all.

Another span of minutes passed in silence. Hermione held Remus' hand and dreaded the day when it would all end--when she would never again see the smiling faces of the Marauders and Lily--when she would never be able to gaze into Remus' eyes and dream of falling in love without worry. She would have to return home at some point.

"Remus?" she asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever heard of anyone charming a book before?" she asked, looking over at him.

Remus averted his gaze. "How do you mean?"

"Oh...any way really. I only meant it as a general question," she said, but she thought I'm trying to figure out what you did to bring me here and how it works for leaving.

"I suppose there are lots of ways to charms books."

"Do you think it's possible to charm a book that would trap someone inside?"

Remus glanced at her quickly, searching her face for reasoning behind her questions. He knew about charming books, and he wondered if she'd found out somehow about what the Marauders had done a few weeks back, but that would be impossible. He relaxed slightly.

"If you promise not to say anything, Sirius knows how to charm books very effectively. He can cast charms that will transport people inside the pages for a brief time."

"Really? How does that work?" she asked curiously.

"It's not painful, or so I'm told. When the person opens the charmed book, they will be somehow transported into the book's pages. For example, if it were a story on history, the person would then be transported to some point in history. But they aren't able to change things, or I don't think they are."

"And can they be hurt or possibly die while they're inside the book?"

"No. If something were to happen while they were gone, they would just be transported back to where they started."

So, I could technically kill myself and return home. Brilliant, she thought sarcastically.

"And how does one get back home?"

"Sirius said he overheard his Mum talking about it once. He said the person starts to vanish."

"To vanish?"

"I suppose it's a bit like becoming transparent very slowly. The people around you won't notice though. One minute you're there and the next you're gone."

"Wouldn't that be odd if you were sitting there with someone and the next moment they were gone?"

"Yeah, I suppose it would be. But it's never happened to me or not that I know of," he added playfully.

Hermione tried to smile but knew her heart wasn't in it. "Does the person have any warning that they are going to vanish?" she wondered.

"I don't think so. I think it just sort of happens unexpectedly, but still very slowly. So, I would think they would have time to go off by themselves so no one gets suspicious. But I don't really know that much about it. Sirius is the one to ask if you have any real questions. Thinking of charming a book and disappearing?" he asked, smiling sweetly over at her.

Hermione laughed hollowly. "Hardly." Because if you want to know the truth, I'm inside a charmed book right now and I, too, will vanish.

"Good," Remus replied. "I don't want you going anywhere."

"Oh Remus," she sighed, grabbing his upper arm with her hand and leaning her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to go anywhere either, but we can't control our journey's, right?"

"Right, but I can't imagine my journey departing from yours. It feels so right that they should accompany each other, side by side. Don't you agree?" he asked softly, slipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. She rested her head against his chest.

"Yes," she whispered, closing her eyes and feeling another wave of sorrow roll over her, for she knew the truth--her journey would depart from Remus'...life was truly unfair.

"I suppose it's getting late. We should probably head up to the common room," Remus said, pulling away from Hermione.

"You're probably right," she said, standing up.

"Before we go," he said, bending down and divided the flames into two separate parts again. He held one in each palm. "Hold out your hand. Don't worry, it won't hurt you."

Hermione held out her hand and Remus somehow slid the flame into hers. She watched it in amazement.

"Okay, here's the trick. Hold it out in front of you like this," he said, moving his hand out in front of his face. Hermione mimicked him. "And blow."

Remus and Hermione blew against the flames in their hands and she watched in awe as they traveled out of their hands and floated down to the water of the lake, skidding across the top like floating candles.

"That's amazing," she said smiling.

The shimmering flames floated across the top until they came to a stop and then did something that Hermione thought was prophetic. They slid closer to each other until they joined and became one again.

"That's weird," Remus replied. "I've never seen them do that before."

Hermione didn't say anything; she stood a moment longer at the lake's edge and watched the single flame flicker like a strange fire on the water, burning strongly in the cold night air.

* * * *

Remus and Hermione made their way back to the common room slowly, talking very little and still holding hands. When they entered the common room, it was fairly empty, and Hermione could see a red head barely over the top of a table full of lilies. She grinned and chuckled lightly as she walked over to the table.

She slid a vase of white lilies over and found Lily's face. Lily looked up at her and sighed. "James' new attempt at making up to me and begging for my forgiveness," she said, motioning to the flowers.

"Is it working?" Hermione asked, leaning down and smelling a vase of yellow lilies.

Lily smiled up at her, "For the most part, but I don't want him to know it yet. It's quite lovely to be showered with flowers and poems--"

"Poems?" Hermione asked as she chuckled in disbelief.

"Well, I didn't say they were good poems but he is trying and that's what counts, right?"

"Yes, of course," Hermione answered lightly, and both girls laughed together.

Remus watched the girls laughing from the couch and sighed happily. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. At last he felt like his relationship with Jane was finally working as he had hoped; things were just as they should be. His trip into Hogsmeade has been needless and a mistake in his judgment. Thinking of Hogsmeade immediately made him think about the journal he'd bought for her.

He sat up quickly and walked over to where Jane was whispering and giggling with Lily. Remus reached out and touched her shoulder lightly; she turned and looked up at him.

"I have something for you. Come upstairs with me?" he asked as he smiled timidly at her and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face.

"For me?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah."

"Okay," she said and before she sat up, she turned and looked at Lily. "Talk with you later?" she whispered.

Lily grinned and raised her eyebrows up and down quickly, reminding Hermione of James and causing her to laugh. "Sure."

Hermione stood up and followed Remus up the staircase toward the boy's dormitories. Their footsteps echoed in the empty stairwell.

"I got something for you when we were in Hogsmeade," Remus said, pushing open the door to their room.

"Before or after you drank all the Firewhisky in town?" she asked playfully.

Remus grinned sheepishly as he held the door open for her. Hermione stepped into the room and smiled. It was empty and there were books scattered around, clothes dropped around on the floor, and posters of Quidditch teams adorning the walls.

Remus walked inside and over to his trunk. He knelt down in front of it and lifted the lid. Sitting inside was the bag the journal was in. He pulled it out and turned to look at Hermione. She was looking around and her eyes had paused on a pair of boxers with little crescent moons all over them. She giggled quietly. Remus blushed as he tried to kick them out of her sight. He held out the bag to her. Hermione reached for it and held it in her hands before opening it.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she said quietly.

"Hush. Open it," he smiled over at her.

Hermione opened the bag and pulled out a book. It was made of leather; she could smell the fresh scent of it. The leather was dyed a deep shade of red and the front cover was blank except for three small letters engraved in gold. Hermione ran her fingertips over the letters and felt tears threatening to appear. The three letters on the front surprised her--H, J and G.

"No D?" she asked, looking up at him slowly.

Remus looked away from her and shrugged his shoulders. "No. I thought maybe one day you wouldn't need to have a different name with me. Maybe one day you can just be you."

The gesture was sincere and touched Hermione very deeply, and, oh, how she wished she could be herself with Remus, tell him everything, and stay just where she was forever. She opened the book; the pages were all unused and empty. She looked questionably at him.

"I always see you writing on spare sheets of parchment. I thought you needed a book to keep it all inside of. You can cast a Transferring Charm on the loose sheets and they will appear inside your journal just as you want them."

She swallowed slowly and fought the urge to throw her arms around Remus' neck and beg him to let her stay with him in this exact moment for all eternity. Her heart swelled with a thrilling emotion. "Thanks," she whispered as she watched him smile down at her.

Remus took a step toward her. "I wanted to apologize again for accusing you of lying about who you are and about last night."

"No, you had every right to question me. It's only fair that you should know the...truth," she hesitated on the last word, feeling her stomach roll with guilt. Oh, Remus, I wish I could tell you so much.

"Hey," he said softly, stepping up to her so he was right in front of her. "Why do you look so sad?" He lifted her face up with his fingers.

She smiled at him half-heartedly, knowing she should end this newfound closeness with Remus but wondering if she had the strength to do it anymore. "I'll-I'll miss this one day," she finally said.

"What do you mean?"

"It won't always be like this, Remus."

"What won't always be like this?" He brushed his thumb against her cheek. She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly.

"Oh, everything. It will all change one day--with James and Lily, and Peter and Sirius...and us," she whispered.

He couldn't help but smile down at her. He could feel his shyness disappearing. With her, he always felt as if he should protect and take care of her, and now more than ever, he felt the need to pull her close to him. "Everything will change. But right now, we're still here," he whispered and before she knew what was happening, Remus had bent his head down and his lips were barely touching hers. She felt him smile against her lips. "And that sounds quite good to me."

In that moment, Hermione felt her heart giving itself entirely to Remus. She felt the wall of caution she'd hidden herself inside crumble into a heap of dust. She felt her worries and sorrows fleeing to some distant place. And Hermione let go--she just let go. "Me, too," she whispered in reply. Remus pulled away, held her gaze, and reached out to take the journal from her hand. It slipped from her fingers under his grip and he dropped it into his trunk behind his back. She felt the familiar tingling sensation shoot up her spine as Remus slid a hand around her waist. He leaned down closer to her, putting his mouth against hers. He parted his lips against hers and began to trace his tongue along her bottom lip, just wanting to taste her slowly. He slid his other hand up her arm and rested it behind her neck.

The feel of his tongue against her lip made her insides turn into a useless mush of fluff that seemed to levitate in the general vicinity of her chest.

Remus slid his tongue between her parted lips and kissed her with the same intense passion from their first kiss and caught her off guard again. It was so consuming and so hot. She ran her hands through his hair, clasping them together behind his head. Her body was pressed against his and she could swear he was pulling her closer still.

When Remus pulled away and began kissing down the side of her neck, Hermione moaned. She hadn't meant to--it had merely slipped out but Remus closed his eyes in response, desperately trying to gather his thoughts into reason and slow down...unsuccessfully so.

Hermione reached up and unclasped his robe somehow with her trembling fingers. It dropped to the floor and pooled at their feet. With one swift movement Remus kicked it aside. He brought his lips back to hers and she accepted them, kissing him with a newfound urgency. Remus could feel the change in her; she was no longer holding anything back. He slipped his hand beneath her shirt and slid his hand gently up her back. Hermione arched into him, thrilled at the touch of his hands on her bare skin.

"You're trembling," he whispered, pulling away from their kiss.

She hadn't known she was trembling, but soon she felt it, too. Her knees were shaking; her breathing was ragged--she blushed. "I'm sorry," she breathed against his neck, burying her face in his shirt.

"Don't be," he said hoarsely, "it turns me on."

And with that, Remus found his courage and he bent down, lifting Hermione off her feet; she gasped and encircled her arms around his neck. He carried her to his bed and placed her down gently. She was amazed she didn't feel the least bit nervous lying in his bed.

He leaned over her, kissing her lips again. Hermione suddenly felt very brave--perhaps that's what happened when a person laid in the bed of a Marauder--and she reached out and pulled Remus down on top of her. He placed his hands on either side of her arms, hovering over her and keeping the majority of his weight on his knees. Feeling increasingly bold, Remus tugged his shirt off over his head. Hermione's intake of breath only fueled the fire burning in his chest.

He reached over for his wand and cast a few charms Hermione did not recognize, closed the curtains, and leaned back over her.

Hermione took a minute to look over his body and then up at him. His hair was hanging around his face and a sexy grin curled his lips as he looked down at her.

She reached her hand up and ran it down the hollow of his chest, hooking her fingers on his belt.

"Oh Remus," she whispered unable to control the emotion evident in her words, "you're perfect."

"You make it easy," he replied in the hoarse voice she had grown to love. He lifted her shirt up just a fraction and touched her stomach lightly with his fingertips. She shivered.

"There you go again--trembling and turning me on," he smiled so sweetly, leaning over to kiss her again.

Hermione moved her hands up his bare back and quivered at the feel of his warm skin beneath her hands. Remus kissed her deeply, feeling his arousal multiplying as she moaned into his mouth. He moved his hands up her side slowly.

Then, he pulled back, feeling as if his self-control was slipping away faster than he could catch it. He wondered if he should stop, step away for a breather. Looking down at her, he knew the last thing he wanted to do was leave. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then her neck, then up to her ear, tugging at her earlobe gently.

"Please don't stop, Remus," she whispered as if sensing his hesitation.

He looked into her eyes, his pale blue eyes shining in the dim light, and touched her cheek lightly. "I don't want to scare you," he whispered huskily.

She smiled. "You don't," she replied, shivering at the desire she heard in his voice.

"Or hurt you," he said even softer, leaning over and kissing up her jaw line.

"Is that even possible?"

He looked down at her, his heart hammering uncertainly, his entire body aching with need and love.

"Please Remus," she whispered, running her fingers through his hair and pulling his face to hers, "don't pull away...not now." Not when I need you so...not when I know it won't be like this for long.

"Not ever," Remus promised against her lips. He began kissing her gently at first and then the passion flowed from him, pulling them both away from the present and into a place where all was forgotten except the love between two unexpected people.

* * * *

Later that evening, the other Marauders pushed open the door to their dorm laughing quietly and upon seeing the darkened room, they all fell silent. Remus' scarlet curtains were pulled closed and Sirius and James exchanged a glance.

James walked over toward Remus' bed. "What's this?" he asked smirking.

Sirius stepped closer to his friend's bed and bent over, sliding around clothes with his wand. "Looks like Moony went to bed without his shirt and trousers," he picked up a pair of boxers and dangled them from the end of his wand, smiling wickedly, "and his boxers." Peter had stepped up beside Sirius and was reaching out for the curtains. "Woh, don't touch, Peter! He's got his bed locked down tight. I can practically see the charms. We don't want you to lose a finger; you might need it later," he laughed.

"Thanks, Sirius," Peter said thankfully. "Where are her clothes? In there?"

"That's a good question. She definitely has some skill--to get Moony all naked and still stay fully clothed," Sirius proclaimed.

"That's just like a girl! She'll get you all naked while--"

"What do you know about being naked?" Sirius asked, arching an eyebrow over at James.

He flushed red and looked away from Sirius' gaze. "I don't."

"Sure, Prongs. Real smooth," he teased.

"I do wonder where her clothes are though," James said, ignoring Sirius' laughs.

"Like I said, she has skill."

"Either way, Moony is going to bed a lot more content than we are," James replied.

"You can say that again," Peter agreed.

"Yeah. Lucky bastard," Sirius said, crawling into his own bed.

* * * *

Remus was lying on his back, one arm around Hermione and the other resting at his side. Hermione was lying against his shoulder, her head partially on his chest. One of her hands was draped across his chest, palm open and facing down.

Remus was almost certain she was sleeping. Her breathing had been quite slow and rhythmic for some time--it was very peaceful. He stared up at his canopy with a hint of a smile on his lips. If only he could keep them both like this and never have to move or leave again, then life would be perfect.

Her body was warm against his and the feel of it so close to him felt so perfect. How could anything that happened to him after this ever live up to it? Would everything else always pale in comparison?

He reached out his hand and ran a finger down her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered in a dream-like way. Remus' heart was full and his head felt light--it could only mean one thing. He picked his head up slightly and kissed the top of her head. He laid back on his pillow and took a deep breath.

"I love you," he whispered and closed his eyes. There--he said it--he meant it--and the truth was finally spoken.

* * * *

Hermione drifted off to sleep in Remus' arms. Each new adventure with him made her feel safer, more at peace than the last. She awoke slightly when something touched her cheek. It was Remus. She felt her body sigh into him.

She felt him lean up, kiss the top of her head, and lie back down. She was on the verge of falling back to sleep when she heard his whisper three small words. He said he loved her--her heart stopped and her eyes would have flown open wide if she hadn't stopped herself.

He loves me? He loves me? He loves me?

Hermione fought to control her breathing. Remus loved her. Her heart thumped against her chest.

But he can't love me. I can't stay, she thought, her heart wrenching inside her chest. How did this happen? We can't love each other. Wait a minute, I love Remus? Do I? She closed her eyes tightly, feeling tears stinging just behind her lids. Yes...yes, I do love Remus. Her bottom lip trembled slightly. Oh, God, Remus, don't ever let me leave. Burn the book; destroy it. Do whatever you have to do, just please don't ever let me go. I don't want to lose you...