Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

A Fight and a Fright

Chapter Nine

"Please forgive me if I act a little strange

for I know not what I do.

Feels like lightening

running through my veins

every time I look at you,

every time I look at you." - David Gray

January 1978

Hermione was curled up in one the oversized chairs in the Gryffindor common room near the fire reading a book. The crackling of the fire was relaxing. Lily was lounging on the couch, and Hermione knew the Marauders were outside having the biggest snowball fight ever to take place on the grounds of Hogwarts--at least she'd never seen one quite like it. She and Lily had looked out of the tower window periodically to see if the fight was still going on; they hadn't checked recently though. Hermione paused in her reading to smile--thoughts of Remus filled her with quiet joy.

"What are you smiling about?" Lily asked, stretching her legs out.

"Oh..." she sighed, "nothing."

"Sure looks like nothing," Lily said teasingly.

"Okay, so I'm thinking about Remus," Hermione admitted, feeling a kind of kinship with her new friend--Harry's mother.

"Really?" she asked, pitching her voice highly.

"Oh, stop it," Hermione laughed.

"Did he kiss you last night? James mentioned something to me at breakfast but made me swear not to say anything to you or Remus," Lily said, sitting up on the couch and crossing her legs.

Hermione looked down at the floor and nodded her head, smiling broadly. "Yeah."

Lily clapped her hands a few times and they giggled like only two girls can do when they're talking about boys. "Oh, I knew it! I knew you two would make a splendid match. You really are the perfect girl for him," Lily said sweetly.

Hermione looked up at her and smiled, although something in her heart wrenched. I can't possibly be the perfect girl for Remus. In the future, he only knows me as Harry's friend...nothing more. She pushed those thoughts away and knew she'd have to deal with them later, but not today--today she still wanted to bask in the happiness she'd found.

The portrait hole opened and Hermione could hear a strange sloshing noise coming up into the common room.

"What's that?" Lily asked and then burst out laughing.

James, Sirius, Peter and Remus stepped into the common room and they were definitely a sight.

"It's not funny," James replied dryly. His glasses were askew on his face. His hair was soaking wet and sticking up more than normal--but Hermione soon realized it had frozen in place; she laughed. His robes looked torn and muddy, and he wasn't even the worst looking one. "I think my glasses are broken."

"Oh, honey, come here," Lily cooed. That was all James needed. He sloshed his way over to her and tried to sit on the couch. "Not on the couch, James." He frowned but plopped down on the floor in front of her. She pulled out her wand and began drying him off.

Remus didn't look as bad as James, but he was soaking wet and he had streaks of dirt on his face. But that's not what Hermione noticed the most--he looked much paler than usual and his eyes were weary. Tonight was the full moon. When she caught his eye she mouthed, "You okay?"

He nodded slowly and walked over to where she was sitting. He knelt down in front of her and she hesitantly she reached out to him, running her fingers through his icy wet hair. He laid his head against her knee and Hermione was pretty certain she heard him sigh and mumble, "That's nice."

Peter's cheeks were so red; he almost looked as if he was sunburned. Hermione wondered if he was blistered. He still had heaps of snow on his fat little shoes, and he tracked it all over the common room and up the stairs to the boy's dormitories.

Sirius, by far, looked the worst but had the biggest smile. His hair was plastered to his face with what Hermione could only guess was dirt and snow. One entire sleeve of his robes was missing. His arm looked as if he'd gotten a cut and done nothing for it--there was a line of dried blood on his arm. Hermione could see a puddle of melting snow and ice forming around his feet.

"Did you win?" Lily asked James, who had almost thawed out.

"Of course," he replied.

"You did?" Hermione asked surprised. Remus nodded against her knee. When she pulled her hand out of his hair she heard him mutter, "Don't stop," and she smiled, running her fingers gently through his hair again.

"I would hate to see the ones who lost," Lily said.

"Yes, Lily, you would. It wasn't a pretty sight, not for the innocent to see," he said, wringing out his only sleeve.

"Did you know you're bleeding?" Hermione asked.

"What's a war without a few scars?" he asked, grinning over at her. She only nodded her head, watching him as he traipsed through the room and disappeared up the stairs.

"I think I'm going to go up and have a shower," Lily said, standing and helping James to his feet.

"With me?" James asked playfully.

"In your dreams," she answered, eyeing him.

"How did you know?" he teased.

"Oh, James," she said in mock disgust. "I'll be down later, Jane."

"Okay," Hermione said.

Remus looked up at her and grinned wearily. "I think I'll go get cleaned up as well. Will you be down here when I'm done?"

"I should be," she said, holding up her book, "I'll probably still be sitting here reading."

"Good," he said, standing slowly to his feet. "See you in a bit," he mumbled before sloshing off up the stairs.

Hermione watched him go and smiled. How strange it felt to feel right at home in 1978--she felt so at home that there were moments when she forgot she had another life...another life that would take her away from this new kind of comfort, this new kind of love. It would be hard to leave, and she wondered when the time came, would she be able to let go?

* * * *

Remus, dressed only in his boxers, walked back into his dormitory toweling off his hair. He felt better now that he was clean but his muscles ached. The night was approaching, along with the full moon, and he could feel it taxing his body minute after minute. He had no idea why he had let the others talk him into an entire morning of snowball fighting--he was practically exhausted.

"Ready for tonight, Moony?" Sirius asked when he noticed Remus' reappearance in their room.

"Sure," he said, bending down and grabbing clean clothes out of his trunk.

"I've been itching for an adventure. We've been locked up in here for an entire month. Time for some fun. I'm glad it's finally the full moon," James said, pulling a sweater over his head.

"You might be," Remus said darkly, rubbing his right arm--it was so damn sore.

"Where's my wand?" James asked.

"How should we know Prongs?" Sirius asked, laying back on his bed and toying with his bed curtains.

James proceeded to dump everything out of his trunk in search of his wand. He passed the Marauder's Map up to Remus. "Here, hold that. We'll need it tonight." He shoved his hands around in the bottom of his trunk. "Damn it. Where is it?"

Peter walked into the dormitory, his hair dripping wet. "James, I think I found your wand. At least, it looks like yours," he said, holding it very close to his eyes.

"Thanks Peter," James said beaming up at him. "You're a lifesaver. Here, have a chocolate frog." James tossed one across the room to Peter, who accepted it gratefully.

Remus glanced down at the map. He could see their tiny dots moving around inside the boy's dormitory. There was one lone dot in the common room; he leaned down and squinted his eyes close to the parchment.

That's strange, he thought. Who is Hermione Granger?

"Hey, Prongs, can I borrow this for a minute?" Remus asked, looking across the room at James, who was reloading his trunk.

"Yeah, sure," he said absentmindedly.

Remus held the map in his hand, a strange feeling filling his stomach with lead. He walked down the stairs and entered the common room hesitantly.

It appeared to be empty except for one person sitting in his favorite chair. It was Jane. He could see her leg swinging back and forth--he knew she did this when she was particularly involved in a book. He looked back down at the map. There were now two dots in the common room. One said Remus Lupin, the other Hermione Granger.

* * * *

Remus pulled the map closer to his face, as if doing so would change the name into Jane Doe. He swallowed slowly. There had to be some sort of mistake. Perhaps the map was malfunctioning? He took one more look at the map--just to make absolutely certain--and did the only thing he could think of.

"Hermione?" he called out to Jane. And to his horror she looked up at him.

"Yeah?" she asked plainly before thrusting her hand over her mouth in obvious shock. The open book in her lap dropped to the floor, slapping

the stones loudly in the silent room.

Remus stood perfectly still, not sure if his feet would allow him to move. He held the map out in response, still not saying anything.

Hermione continued to look at him, horrified and Remus thought her eyes were glistening.

Finding the strength, he crossed the room to her slowly, feeling his heart beat in his chest nervously. He dropped the map and watched it flutter into her lap.

"Look at it," he said hoarsely. He turned from her and walked over to the couch. He sat down, propped his elbows on his thighs and leaned over, hanging his head down.

Hermione was too terrified to speak. She didn't even want to look at the map. She knew what it said--how could she have been so stupid?

"Look at it," Remus repeated, knowing she had not picked up the parchment.

Hermione lifted the map up with her trembling fingers and looked at it. She could see two tiny dots in the Gryffindor common room. Remus Lupin's and hers--Hermione Granger's. Her throat seized up and swallowing past the knot in it was difficult. She looked up at Remus pleadingly. What could she say? She didn't want him to hate her--would he?

"What does it say?" he asked, looking up at her with only his eyes and casting shadows over his face, which made his entire appearance look darker.

"It says Remus Lupin," she said quietly, the map shaking in her hands.

"And?"

"And H-Hermione Granger."

"Where is Jane Doe's dot?" Remus asked darkly. Hermione had no answer. She looked away from him. Remus sighed and hung his head again, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Tell me anything Jane because I desperately want to believe you," Remus said in a croaky whisper but she heard him clearly.

"My middle name is Jane," she said honestly.

"Is it?" he questioned, looking up at her, his face less tense.

"Yes. My name is Hermione Jane."

"Hermione Jane Granger?"

"It was," she said, looking away from Remus' piercing blue eyes. He looked so betrayed; her heart ached with it. "It was, before I came here," she said. And that was also the truth.

Remus picked his head up and heaved another sigh. He looked so tired. There were dark circles beneath his eyes and she was reminded of his adult self.

"Why did you tell me...tell everyone your name was Jane Doe?" he asked her, his eyes pleading with her to ease the ache in his chest.

"I--I wanted to start over," she answered, feeling as if it were something of the truth. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Remus."

Remus stood up from the couch and walked over to her. He knelt down in front of her and reached for her hands. Hermione held her breath, afraid to say anything. He laced his fingers with hers and looked up at her, the drained look on his face almost breaking her heart.

"You have so many secrets, Jane or Hermione...or whoever you are but I can't be with you if you aren't honest with me. Honesty is very important to me--"
"It's important to me too!"

"Then, I need you to be honest with me," he said quietly, rubbing his thumbs over her hands easily. He looked up at her and she could see the doubt.

"Okay," she whispered nervously.

"What is your real name?"

"Hermione Jane."

"Granger?"

"Not here."

"Why not here?"

"I changed it."

"Why?"

"To protect the innocent?" she said.

Remus laughed slightly. Well, that's definitely better, she thought.

"Do you want to be called Jane or Hermione?"

"I'll answer to both," she admitted.

"Where were you before you came to Hogwarts?"

"At school."

"Where?"

"In England."

"I figured that, Jane. Where?"

"I can't tell you," she said sadly.

"Why not?"

"Because--" Because you would realize too much.

Remus sighed again. "Okay, are your parents really Muggles?"

"Yes."

"Where do they live?"

"Outside of London."

"When is your birthday?"

"September 19^th 198--" she paused and tried to calculate a birth year less absurd than the truth, "...1960."

"That took you a bit longer than necessary, don't you think?" Remus said skeptically.

"I'm nervous, Remus," she said in exasperation.

"Why did you come to Hogwarts?"

"I got a letter from Dumbledore."

"You got a letter from Dumbledore at your other school?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what exactly?"

"I can't talk about it."
"Why?"

"I just can't," she said, abruptly standing to feet and stepping past Remus. He stood up immediately after she did.

"Why?" he asked again. "Are you running from something?"

She sighed. "No."

"Hiding?"

"No."

"Then, why are you here?"

"Honestly, Remus," she said sadly, "I don't really know."

"Will you stay?"

"Where?" she asked, turning around and looking at him.

"Here," he replied deeply. His throat sounded dry.

"I can't stay here forever."

"For how long then?" Remus asked, feeling nauseated at the thought of losing Jane--or whoever she was. He didn't even care anymore; he only knew that he didn't want to be without her.

"I don't know," Hermione said, looking down at the floor.

Remus crossed to her. It was evident to him that she was struggling with something; he could see it all over her face and hear it in her voice. He grabbed her gently on her upper arms.

"What is it you're hiding from me? Talk to me, Jane. Tell me what it is," he said gently.

"I can't," she said a bit too forcefully, pulling away from him.

"If you can't be honest with me--" he said in frustration, his face filling with something she had never seen before...anger. "If you feel the need to keep secrets from me, then I can't be with you. I can't be with a dishonest person."

Hermione felt tears begin to form in her eyes. She shook her head and backed away from Remus. "I--I can't tell you." And with that, she turned and ran up the staircase toward her dorm.

Remus watched her go with a heavy heart. What had he learned? That she'd lied about her last name? Did that really matter? He picked up the Marauder's Map where Hermione had dropped it and walked up the stairs to his dorm.

Sirius, James and Peter were sitting on the floor playing a game of Exploding Snap. Peter appeared to be winning--sometimes Sirius liked to let Peter win, otherwise he never did. James looked up as Remus dropped the Marauder's Map into the center of their circle.

"What's up, Moony?" James asked.

"Nothing," he grumbled, dropping face down onto his bed.

Sirius eyed James and turned around to look at Remus. "Remus, you okay?"

"No," he said, not certain exactly what he was. He rolled over onto his back. "Can we go to the Shack this afternoon?"

"Why so early?" Peter wondered.

"I just want to get there with plenty of time before the moon rises." Otherwise I'll just lie here and feel like shit all afternoon, he added in his mind.

"Okay, Moony. We'll finish this round and then we can leave," James said.

Remus closed his eyes and tried to sort out the conversation with Jane. What was she not telling him? And more importantly, did it affect how he felt about her? The answer was easy--no.

* * * *

By the middle of the afternoon and after five more rounds of Exploding Snap, the Marauders were ready to make their monthly trek to the Shrieking Shack. And Remus was ready--or as ready as anyone could be when they knew what waited as soon as the moon peered out in full force. Remus' entire body was aching so much now that he felt like one big ache. He followed slowly behind the other three, who always looked forward to these nighttime outings. If they were in my shoes, Remus thought bitterly and instantly felt guilty. His friends had spent a lot of time learning to be Animagi when they learned he turned into a werewolf once a month and he was grateful, but most of all, they had still been his friend when his secret was found out.

Remus was almost too tired to even think of Hermione Jane Granger Doesomethingoranother--almost. He had even more reason to think about her when he entered the common room and she was standing there, looking at him.

"Remus?" she asked quietly. A knowing look passed between the other Marauders and they walked away to sit on the couch. Remus stood still, shuffling his feet in a nervous habit. "I'm sorry for earlier," Hermione said honestly and Remus thought she looked like she'd been crying.

"We can talk about it later," he said, not feeling quite up to another emotionally draining conversation.

"Are you on your way out?" she wondered, forgetting about the full moon.

"Uh--yeah," he said quickly.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"Well, that's obvious," she said defensively. "Where are you going?" And then it hit her. She remembered the full moon. How could she have forgotten--just look at his face. She turned and glanced out the window. The sun was slowly disappearing, setting the sky ablaze in scarlet and orange.

"We--I--we're just going out okay?" he said, growing impatient, but not because of her questions...he didn't want to tell her. Not after their fight or disagreement or whatever the hell it was. He thought of being honest. Hey, Hermione Jane Granger Doesomethingoranother, I'm a werewolf. Isn't that great? He laughed at his own idiocy.

"What's so funny?" she asked, frowning at him.

"N-nothing," he stammered, not realizing he had laughed out loud.

"So, are you going to tell me where you're going, Remus?" she asked, trying to get him to tell her the truth.

"I--I can't," he whispered.

"What's that? I didn't hear you?"

"I can't, okay?" he said loud enough for the Marauders on the couch to turn and look at the two of them.

"Now who has secrets, Remus?" she replied coldly. It felt good to twist the tables around on him.

Wait a damn minute. What am I doing? she questioned herself. Why was she being so juvenile? She knew what Remus' secret was--he was a werewolf. Maybe it was just the fact that he hadn't told her; he had been berating her for keeping things unsaid and he was doing the exact same thing. She turned and walked away, feeling victorious--like a victorious prat.

"Ah, shit," Remus said angrily. He trudged over to the couch and squeezed the back of it in his hands, turning his knuckles white.

"You're going to have to tell her the truth at some point, Moony," Sirius said without looking up at him.

"I know," he replied. "But not today."

"You should go after her. You know that, right? I don't know a lot about girls but I do know that the last thing you need to do is let her go like that," James added.

"The sun is setting, James."

"So? She can't have gone that far. If you hurry your sorry ass up, you can probably catch her in the hallway," James retorted.

"Okay. I'll be back in no longer than ten minutes," Remus said, hurrying away out of the common room.

But Hermione wasn't right outside in the hallway. She may not have been an original Marauder, but she knew her way around the school just as well as they did. And if Hermione didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.

* * * *

Three hours later Remus walked back into the common room looking worse than he had all day. Sirius jumped up and yelled.

"Where the hell have you been, Moony? It's dark already!"

"I know," Remus replied miserably.

"What do you mean, you know? The damn moon is already rising. You're just effing lucky it's cloudy out and we have a better chance of making it to the willow before you transform," James scolded.

"Did you find her?" Peter asked quietly.

"No," Remus said shortly. "Let's go."

James grabbed the Marauder's Map, still frowning at Remus, and they made their way through the castle and out onto the grounds. Peter pushed open a side door that emptied its travelers out to the left of the large front doors of Hogwarts. He peered outside and then up at the moon.

"It's covered. I'll transform here and make a run for the tree."

"Okay, Peter, don't get lost in the snow," Sirius joked. "All right, there he goes. Everybody ready?"

"Let's go," James whispered when he saw the branches of the Whomping Willow freeze in the familiar way they were accustomed to seeing.

James, Sirius and Remus began walking quickly toward the tree, their feet crunching against the frozen grass and snow, but Remus looked down and stopped. There was a single set of footprints leading from the front doors out toward the lake. There was something about the footprints that made him anxious. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath--yes, it was there but it was faint--he could smell her. His chest constricted.

"Remus, come on," James whispered urgently. "The moon is coming out again."

"Jane?" Remus said quietly.

"What?" asked James.

And as if she could hear his voice on the wind, Hermione looked away from the still waters of the lake and turned around. Silhouetted against the snow were two boys--no, three; there was one close to the Whomping Willow. The Marauders. Involuntarily, Hermione began walking toward them.

"What the hell are you doing, Remus?" James asked, grabbing his arm.

In a matter of seconds, Remus realized that she was walking in his direction and he panicked.

"Oh, shit, not now. She can't see me like this. Go James!" he practically yelled.

James, who was thoroughly confused now, didn't move at all.

Remus shoved him hard in the chest. "GO!" Hermione appeared to be approaching them too rapidly for his comfort, and then it happened.

The wind blew. The clouds shifted. The full moon appeared, bright and huge in the night sky. Remus stumbled. At first he thought he'd tripped, but in actuality, his legs were transforming. He held his hands out in front of his face; the fingernails were extending into claws. The pain was excruciating. His clothes ripped apart under the strain of his altering form.

"Don't let her see me!" he yelled but it was more of a strangled howl.

"SIRIUS!" James yelled, transforming into a large stag. A large black dog bounded up next to him in the blink of an eye. Hermione watched mesmerized and horrified.

Remus' lean body and broad shoulders gave way to a strangely hunched back with thick, muscular hind and forelegs. His face extended into a snout and when he howled, it sliced right through to her core. It was a torturous sound, and without realizing she was crying, she suddenly felt cold tears on her cheeks.

She watched as James and Sirius, in their Animagus forms, drug, kicked, pushed and shoved Remus into the passageway beneath the Whomping Willow. She wasn't sure how long she stood in the snow after they were gone. She wasn't sure she could even move at all. But soon she became too frozen to stand there and she found her way back to the Gryffindor common room.

Lily was sitting on the couch reading a book. She looked up when Hermione entered.

"What's wrong?" she asked after taking one look at Hermione's face. She closed her book quickly and stood up.

"I--I saw Remus--" Hermione stuttered, feeling the tears again, warm against her chilled cheeks.

"What? Come over here by the fire. You're freezing," Lily said, ushering Hermione near the hearth. She grabbed a blanket off of the couch and tossed it around Hermione's shoulders.

"T-thank you," she said through chattering teeth.

"Now, what's going on?" Lily asked, kneeling down beside Hermione.

"I saw Remus," she said quietly, still remembering his transformation from man to werewolf, still remembering his painful howl...the scream of a tortured soul. She shuddered.

"You said that already. Is he okay?"

"No...Lily," she said, looking up into her friend's green eyes--just like Harry's, "I saw him change."

The meaning was not lost on Lily. Her eyes widened. "Oh dear. And the others?"

"They were with him."

"Oh, Jane," Lily said worriedly, "he didn't want you to find out this way. He would have told you one day. He was afraid of what you'd think. Oh, don't cry Jane. It's not so bad really. He's still a great person," Lily said, misunderstanding Hermione's emotions.

"Lily," Hermione said, wiping her wet cheeks, "I don't care that he's a werewolf--"

"You don't?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"No, but if you could have seen what it did to him. It was horrible," Hermione whispered, shuddering again.

"Oh it is. He told me once that it was unbelievably painful. Oh Jane," she said, grabbing Hermione's hands, "do you know what this means?"

"What?"

"It means that at last Remus has found someone who cares about him no matter what."

And Hermione smiled. "How long will they stay gone?"

"For the rest of the night. They'll come home in the morning, sleep until lunch and then perhaps you and Remus could have a talk."

"That would be nice."

"It's late now. How about we go on up to bed?"

"I think that's a good idea," Hermione admitted. "Thanks Lily."

"Oh, it's nothing. I should be thanking you," she said as they walked up the stone staircase to their dormitory.

"For what?"

"For loving Remus."

* * * *

A torn curtain hung loosely from a rusty nail and allowed a streak of sunlight to filter through a muddy windowpane inside the Shrieking Shack. Remus opened his eyes and groaned. His head was throbbing, aching, pounding...and the list could go on but he was too tired to think of any more adjectives. He slowly brought his hand up to his left cheek; it hurt to move the muscles in his face. He winced, feeling the gash left behind as a souvenir from the night before. The light was momentarily blocked out of his eyes; he looked and saw Sirius leaning over him, smiling.

"You look terrible, Moony. How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like shit," Remus said his voice coarse and sore.

"Hey, James. Bring over that stuff you knicked from Madam Pomfrey," he called out to James. Remus couldn't even find the energy to turn his head.

"Okay," James replied. And in a minute, Remus could hear James' footsteps approaching. "Here you go, Moony. Open up."

Remus opened his mouth, not even caring to ask what it was. He shuddered as the cold liquid spilled down his throat; it tasted like rotten fish--not that he'd ever had rotten fish, but anyone with an imagination could only assume. Amazingly, he began to feel better.

"Thanks," he mumbled as Sirius pulled him into a sitting position. He rested his head on his knees and sighed, feeling the gash in his cheek heal slowly.

"You want to tell us what happened last night?" Sirius asked.

"No."

"Remus," James said seriously, sitting down on the floor beside his friend, "I know that you know Jane was there last night, and more than likely, she saw everything."

"I don't want to talk about it," Remus said as his heart began to ache again.

"Moony, you never want to talk about anything. We're your friends," Sirius said in frustration.

"Please Sirius," Remus said sadly, looking up at them, "I need some time to think about things."
"Okay, Moony, we'll give you some time, but we have to head back to the castle," James said, standing up.

Remus panicked. Going back to the castle would mean seeing Jane. What would he say to her? How would she react? Had she already told the entire school what he was? Was she washing her mouth out with a Scourging Charm?

"W-wait guys!" Remus said, standing up beside Sirius and James. "What if we spent the afternoon in Hogsmeade?"

"What? We can't do that," James replied.

"Since when has that ever stopped you?" Remus wondered, rubbing his sore chest gingerly.

"And do what all afternoon?" Sirius asked.

"I don't care. We can just shop...or stop by the Three Broomsticks for a drink," Remus said hopefully.

"You don't drink, Moony," Sirius said flatly, eyeing his friend and knowing why he really didn't want to go back to the castle.

"But you do," he replied.

"Okay, Moony, if that will make you feel better we'll spend the afternoon in Hogsmeade. But you know we'll have to return sometime. We can't stay gone forever," Sirius answered.

"Lily is going to kill me," James mumbled.

"Thanks guys. Oh, and where is Peter?" Remus asked.

"You know how he's always had a thing for snowmen. He's out back building one now," James said chuckling.

The three boys looked out through cracks in the boards of a back window of the Shrieking Shack to see that Peter had built not one snowman but four. He'd made the four Marauders and they laughed at how frustrated he looked trying to fix the short one on the end. The snowman that replicated him kept trying to melt.