Before the Moon Rises

BEFORE THE MOON RISES

Star Gazing

Chapter Eight

"Sweet like candy to my soul

Sweet you rock and sweet you roll

Lost for you, I'm so lost for you

You come crash into me

And I come into you."--Dave Matthews Band

January 1978

The end of January was approaching and Hermione was surprised to see how quickly time was passing for her, but a few questions still remained. How was she going to get home? Would it be like Apparation? Would she just fade away in the middle of a conversation? Wouldn't people ask questions? She did feel a certain amount of misery at the idea of leaving. She should have known better than to befriend anyone--and even worse than that, she shouldn't have awkward and unexplainable feelings for anyone...for him.

It was a Friday and lessons were over for the day. She walked wearily into the common room to find Remus sitting alone in one of the big squishy armchairs near the fire. He looked tired and a bit pale. She wondered if he was feeling ill. Then it struck her; the full moon was tomorrow night. Poor Remus. How could she have forgotten such a thing--she was sure he never did.

She sat down on the couch near him and smiled.

"How are you?"

He was startled to realize she was sitting on the couch, not having seen or heard her enter. He had been lost in his own world of thoughts. He felt like shit. His head ached and his bones felt sore; the full moon was approaching. He didn't even need a lunar chart to know this; he could feel it. And then there was Jane--beautiful, smart, everything-he'd-ever-wanted Jane. He looked up at her smiling face. Would she be understanding of his affliction? Would she still reserve the same smile for him? He wanted to tell her so badly, just to save himself the heartache of dragging his feelings out for her any longer, but he was so scared of her reaction.

He cleared his throat. "I'm okay," he said hoarsely.

"You feeling alright?" she wondered even though she knew he was not and she knew why he wasn't.

"A little tired," he replied.

"Anything I can do to help--"

James, Sirius, Lily and Peter burst into the common room, laughing loudly. They came over toward Hermione and Remus.

"You two look like someone just died," Sirius said, frowning. "Remus get up and let me sit there," Sirius said and before Remus could argue he was being shoved out of his chair and onto the couch beside Hermione. And very quickly the couch became very crowded. James and Lily had decided to sit there as well, which forced Remus and Hermione to be very close to each other.

"How you feeling, Mooney," James asked, leaning over Lily and Hermione to slap Remus on the knee.

"About as good as can be expected," he said cryptically although the meaning was not unknown to Hermione.

"After a couple of days, you'll be one hundred percent again," Sirius said, toying with his wand. He kept throwing it into the air and catching it again.

"What do you say we all sneak up to the Astronomy tower and star gaze?" Lily asked.

"Lily?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? I can't have an idea?" she asked, pushing her red hair behind her ears.

"You can. It's just that your ideas don't usually involve sneaking around," he said, winking.

"You'd like it if it involved sneaking around with you," she said, laughing at the way he began nodding his head. "You're hopeless."

"But cute, right?"

"Yes...lucky for you," she said, leaning over and kissing him lightly.

"When you're both done inducing nausea in the rest of us, why don't we go with Lily's plan. I'm bored. You feel like going, Remus?" Sirius asked, his voice gentle and genuinely concerned.

Remus looked over at Hermione. "You going?" he whispered and Sirius grinned across the room at the two of them.

Hermione glanced up into his blue eyes, feeling her breath catch just inside her throat. His brown hair was falling into his eyes and he looked sexy even though his eyes were tired. She knew she was having feelings for Remus that she shouldn't, but what the hell? Live life, she thought suddenly. "If you are," she whispered back, suddenly overwhelmed with an intense emotion of shyness. Am I flirting with him?

Remus swallowed slowly and smiled a crooked grin that toyed with her heart even more. "Good." He looked up at Sirius and then at Peter and James. "Let's go if we're going."

"That's my boy, Moony," James said. "Never turn down an adventure."

* * * *

Somewhere between the Gryffindor common room and the Astronomy Tower, two more people had joined the group. Sirius had coerced a buxom Ravenclaw into accompanying him and Peter actually had a lady friend as well. As far as Hermione could tell, she seemed like a nice but quiet Hufflepuff.

When the group stepped out onto the open air Astronomy Tower, Hermione shivered. There was a faint line of snow along the stone edge of the tower. The wind was crisp and slicing right through her thin robes.

"Oh, wow, it's cold," she muttered, closing her teeth together to keep them from chattering.

"Never fear, James Potter is here!" James said loudly.

"That's sounds like a lame superhero line," Hermione laughed.

"A superwhat?"

"Never mind."

"Okay then," he said, shoving his hand into his pocket and pulling out tiny pebbles. He proceeded to transfigure each pebble into either a pillow or a blanket. He passed one out to everyone--of course, Hermione mused--there were only four blankets.

How convenient, she thought.

"Where's the best spot?" Hermione asked, walking over to stand beside Remus, who was holding his blanket and frowning.

"Over there," he said pointing to Lily and James, who were getting comfortable under their blanket.

"How about here?" she asked, making a move to sit down.

Remus held up the blanket in his hand and his frown deepened. "There's only one blanket," Remus said quietly, feeling very nervous about sharing it with her. Hermione had already taken a seat at his feet and was looking up at him expectantly.

"That's okay. We can share...unless you'd rather not," she answered him shyly.

Be a man, Moony, he told himself. He glanced over at Sirius, who was already nestled securely by his date for the evening. And Peter... If Peter can share a blanket with a girl then damn it, so can I!

"No, it's okay," he said, sucking it up and sitting down beside her...very close beside her.

The stone floor was cold but she warmed up considerably when Remus sat down beside her. She felt anxious--a good kind of anxious--being so close to him. Hermione kindly arranged their pillows and took the blanket from Remus. She spread it out over their legs.

"Thanks," Remus said smiling over at her.

When she leaned back against the pillow, he did, too. He felt warm underneath the blanket but he was almost certain he wouldn't have needed it at all. Remus could feel the entire right side of her body touching his, and as always, his body began to heat up against hers.

Hermione looked up at the stars and sighed. "It's really beautiful. I'd almost forgotten what the stars looked like at night from up here," she said wistfully.

"You've been up here before?" Remus asked, rolling his head to the side and looking at her.

"Oh...well, my school has an Astronomy Tower, too," she answered quietly.

"This is one of my favorite places. It's so quiet and--" Remus stopped when he heard a funny noise. He knew exactly what it was.

Hermione heard it, too. It was a strange wet smacking noise.

"What is that noise?" she asked.

"Don't look," Remus said quickly.

Of course, that only made Hermione want to look even more. She propped up on her right elbow and looked around. Her eyes opened wide and she giggled quietly.

"Told you not to look," Remus said slightly amused.

Hermione could see Sirius and part of the Ravenclaw girl under the blanket, and they were kissing--very heatedly.

"Does he even know her?" Hermione asked in disbelief.

"He does now."

She laughed at seeing this new side of Sirius. Then, she laid back down beside Remus and stared up at the stars.

"Which constellation is your favorite?" she asked him, turning her head slightly in his direction.

"Now, this isn't because I'm in Gryffindor, but I rather like Leo," Remus said.

"Oh, yes, Leo. Is that him right there?" she asked, leaning close to Remus' face accidentally while pointing out the constellation.

Remus made the mistake of turning his head toward hers, causing their noses to touch. They locked eyes before Hermione looked away and laughed nervously. Remus was slightly terrified of the thought of how close they just were. His chest felt tight and why did his throat always close up when he was nervous? He tried to clear away the nervousness. "Yeah, that's the one."

"The moon will soon be directly above us and block out all of the stars with its glow," Hermione said after a few minutes of silence had gone by.

"There's a full moon tomorrow night," Remus said in an almost whisper.

Hermione could feel him shift around beside her. Then, she did something that surprised even her. She could feel Remus' hand pressing into her leg, so she reached beneath the covers and slipped her hand into his slowly. She had let Remus hold her hand the night before but she felt as if he was only trying to comfort her in the darkness. She wanted to see what it felt like tonight under the stars in a much newer Hogwarts sky.

When Remus felt her slip her hand into his, he stopped breathing. Was he dreaming? Her skin against his lit a flame that was traveling up his arm and igniting his entire body steadily.

Hermione smiled. Holding his hand didn't feel weird. It felt perfectly normal and more than that, it felt lovely. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"There are worse things than a full moon, Remus," she said softly, feeling more at peace than she had in a very long time and wanting to share it with him.

"Yes, I agree," he whispered barely trusting his voice to speak.

She was amazed how normal being so close to Remus actually felt. She had that reoccurring feeling of safety and comfort.

"This is really nice," she whispered against his shoulder.

Remus could feel her warm breath against the cold skin on his neck and he shivered. She was making him crazy, but absolutely terrified at the same time. And he wished for Sirius' courage in that instant because Sirius would have already known what it was like to kiss Jane if she'd been with him. But he was only shy little Remus, afraid of things he couldn't control--like Jane's emotions...but wasn't she holding his hand, resting her head on his shoulder, and breathing on his neck, arousing long slumbering emotions in his body?
"I think so, too," he finally said, leaning his head against hers and hearing a quiet sigh escape her lips. His heart ached at how defenseless he felt around her; he felt like she could tear out his heart and he wouldn't even stop her. He could feel her move her other hand and rest it on his arm as she nestled closer to him. Remus inhaled a deep, shaky breath, breathing in the sweet scent of her. For the moment, life was good, even if his palms were sweaty and his heart was beating painfully in his chest. He didn't even care that he was tired and that there was a full moon tomorrow.

* * * *

After star gazing, the Gryffindors headed back to their common room with Sirius snogging the Ravenclaw goodnight and promising to talk to her again soon--yeah right--in a nearby corridor while they waited.

Standing outside the portrait hole, James decided he was hungry.

"I'm tired, James. I'm going on to bed, okay? Goodnight," Lily kissed his cheek sweetly.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning, Lil. Who wants to go down with me to the kitchens?"

"I'll go," Peter volunteered.

"Me, too. I've worked up quite an appetite," Sirius grinned devilishly, tossing his black hair out of his eyes.

"Not me," Hermione said, turning to follow Lily through the portrait hole. "Goodnight," she said, looking back at Remus.

"Go on, Moony," James urged under his breath. "Well bring you back something, don't worry."

Remus looked stricken but followed her through the portrait hole. She turned and waited for him in the common room. The air was strangely tense between them, so unlike the comfort she had felt on the Astronomy Tower.

"Well," she said slowly, "I guess I'll head on up to bed. Goodnight, Remus." But she didn't want to go, not really.

"Okay," Remus replied, trying to quiet the voices in his head.

Go on and kiss her, you fool! the first said. No! She'll never accept you! said the second. Who cares?! Never pass up the opportunity to kiss a pretty girl! said the third.

Hermione turned and began walking away dejectedly, feeling as if she should say something to Remus--after all, she was beginning to realize just how attracted she was to him and her heart fluttered.

"Jane?" he called out to her. Hermione whirled around quickly.

"Yes?" She bit her bottom lip nervously.

"Uh--" he hesitated, taking a few slow steps toward her. They were so very close now. His hair fell into his eyes and he pushed it back hurriedly. "Ah, hell," Remus said, licking his dry lips nervously. It's now or never, Moony.

Hermione frowned. "What is it--"

Remus reached out and grabbed her robes with his hands and pulled her roughly into him, pressing his lips to hers. It was awkward at first, never mind the voices that were talking in Hermione's head.

Have you lost your mind? He is your professor! Her first thoughts were followed closely by the second stream of views. He's not my professor yet and this is so...nice.

Remus hesitantly closed his hands around her face. The subtle movement of his thumbs against her cheeks caused her bottom lip to tingle--a tingle that instantly spread when she felt his mouth open against hers. With the tension and worry of disappointing and the excitement of the unknown, he slipped his tongue between her partially open lips, touching hers with the passion and sensuality that can only occur with the perfect first kiss. Hermione's toes clenched involuntarily in her shoes.

She leaned into Remus, dizzy from the kiss, and placed her palms to his chest, resting them there for support. She was shocked with the passion in which Remus began to kiss her; she would have expected him to be timid--but he was anything but...her body awakened beneath his kiss and she felt her knees wobble slightly.

Before she could become totally swept away, Remus slowly ended the kiss. As he exhaled, his warm breath blew across her face and she shivered, still tasting him in her mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered apologetically, pulling his hands out of her hair--how had they gotten there? He didn't even remember.

"It's--it's okay," she said unsteadily. But was it really?

Wonderful! You've just managed to snog your DADA professor! she thought sarcastically. But wow--

Three people burst into the common room, talking animatedly, their arms full of food. Hermione and Remus jumped apart, looking just as guilty as they felt.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked with his voice full of amusement, dropping his food on the couch. James and Peter were right behind him.

"Nothing!" the guilty party shouted in unison.

"Uh--okay, goodnight," Hermione said quickly, cutting her eyes over at Remus before fleeing up the staircase to her dormitory.

"Moony?" James asked, grinning and Peter snickered nearby.

Remus turned and watched her go, a silly grin plastered to his face. Before he could turn around, Sirius was slapping him on the back.

"Moony, Moony, Moony," he laughed. Remus could feel his cheeks flush. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and grinned at the floor. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that something happened between you and Jane."

"The look on your face is priceless," James said laughing.

"I'm happy for you," Peter added.

Remus nodded, still unable to say anything. He didn't want to break the euphoria he was feeling.

"Was it worth sticking your neck out there and giving her a chance?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

Remus nodded. "That...and so much more," he said quietly, still grinning, still trying to calm his beating heart and knowing that time would never be able to erase the sheer brilliance of that kiss--it had just felt so right.

* * * *

Hermione burst into her dormitory with very little grace. Thankfully, no one was walking about to see her flushed cheeks and wild eyes. She opened her trunk, cringing at how loudly the top slapped against her bed.

"Jane? Is that you?" Lily asked, pulling her bed curtains aside and peering into the darkness.

"Yeah, Lily. I'm sorry. It's just me," she said. She could hear her voice shaking.

"You okay?" Lily asked with concern evident in her voice.

"Uh...yeah, fine Lily."

"Okay. Goodnight," Lily whispered and Hermione could hear the slide of her curtains around her bed.

"Night." Hermione sighed quietly. She held her hand up in the darkness; the light of the moon was cascading into the dark room and she could see her hand shaking in the light. I'm shaking. What the hell is wrong with me?

She found her spare sheets of parchment and pulled a few out. After pulling a quill out of her trunk, she closed it quietly. She crawled into her bed and pulled her curtains closed. With her wand, she lit up the darkness and began to write feverishly.

January 1978

I've just kissed Professor Lupin...

She placed the quill to her lips and closed her eyes, feeling the steady shake of her body slowing a bit. She thought of the kiss she'd just received.

Forget that first part. I've just kissed Remus Lupin...

She smiled slowly, closing her eyes again to relive the kiss just one more time--or two more times--or lots of times.

And it was earth-shattering. It was everything I've always heard whispered late at night in the dorms by Lavender and Parvati. It was--how does one find the words to describe that? My hands are shaking and all I can think about is him. Is this what happens? What makes this kiss with him so much different than the other boys--okay, the other boy? My whole body feels jumpy and agitated, but it's absolutely wonderful. I feel like I could take a running leap off of the side of a cliff and I wouldn't even fall--because how could I fall when I feel so light?

What will this all mean? What will kissing Remus do to my future?

She paused. She knew she couldn't write too much because what would happen if someone else came across these letters she'd written to herself?

I cannot say more, but my heart is asking loads of questions that I don't have answers for. When did everything change--when did I stop having all the right answers? And it's strange, but I don't even care. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a pensieve...how terrible would it be if I spent the rest of my days reliving that one moment over and over again?

It's late and I shall never get to sleep if I don't stop writing because I feel as if I could write for days about the way his kiss made me feel... No matter what happens, I am thankful for that one kiss so that I may base all of the others on it and know how it should really be. It was...perfect...

Goodnight...