Where Toads Could Be Vampires

Chapter 7: Fall

Friday, 12 December 1976

Karen and Jane sat together on the red sofa, exchanging anxious glances. Jane crouched sideways, with her nose pressed against the back cushion, her head just high enough to see over the back and into the rest of the common room.

"Don't be so obvious," Karen said. "Just be patient."

"Patient?" Jane ducked her head a little lower, out of sight from behind. "You're the one ripping your favourite quill to pieces. You know you want to look, too."

"But I'm not looking, am I?" Karen dusted some bits of feather from her lap. "Do you want him to know we're all waiting to find out what he says?"

"He already knows she'll tell us. He isn't stupid." The portrait hole banged closed, and Jane took another peek. She sat straight up and turned to face the room more fully. "Well?" As Lily came around the sofa, Jane turned back around in her seat and watched her expectantly. "Did he think Sirius is going to be expelled?" Jane asked.

Lily squeezed in between her worried friends on the sofa. "James wouldn't say anything about it. But I could tell he's really upset. He just sort of grumbled at me and stalked off out of the room."

Letting out a low whistle, Karen shook her head. "Wow. If James wouldn't even talk to Lily, it must be worse than we thought."

"I'm really worried," Lily said. "Those guys get in trouble all the time, but I've never seen any of them do something bad enough to actually get sent home."

"I can't imagine facing my parents with a week's suspension." Jane shuddered and rubbed her arms. "And Sirius doesn't get along with his family at all. It must be horrible for him."

Karen nodded in agreement. "He really screwed up this time."

"The rumour mill is saying that he murdered someone," Jane said, "but I don't' see how that could be true."

"It's Snape that's been working that story around the castle," Karen reminded her, "so I don't believe a word of it."

Jane grabbed Lily's arm suddenly. "Remus is missing! I haven't seen him all week."

Lily shook her head. "He went to visit his third cousin twice removed - or somebody like that."

"How do you know?" Jane insisted. "Maybe that was just a good cover up since he goes away a lot."

"Sirius wouldn't do anything to hurt Remus. They're friends. That's like suggesting that Karen would murder me."

"I might try it if you steal my favourite shoes one more time." She was looking down at the smart, black shoes on Lily's feet.

"Oh right." Lily tucked her well clad feet under her body. "I'm sure Sirius attacked Remus in a fit of rage after Remus borrowed his best flats without asking."

"It must have had something to do with Snape, though," Jane said. "He's been prancing around looking happier than I've ever seen him. You'd think he single-handedly got Sirius in trouble."

"Maybe Sirius got a vampire bite," Lily suggested. "That would explain why he had to go home, and why James is so upset. Snape is probably glad Sirius can't make fun of him for it any more."

"Don't even start, Lily." Karen closed her eyes and rubbed a temple. "I don't want to hear any more vampire theories. Sirius was probably just messing around and went too far."

"Did you see Snape when he passed James on the way out of dinner tonight?" Jane asked. "He looked like he was about to explode."

"Anything that Sirius was involved in had to have included James," Karen said.

"Why didn't James get in trouble too, then?"

"Maybe he didn't get caught."

"That doesn't sound like him, though," Lily told them, shaking her head. "They usually go down together."

"And even when they're in trouble," Jane added, "they still come in crowing about whatever they did. The last two days he's just been moping around with Peter trailing at his heels."

"I'm sure that whatever happened, they didn't expect to get into such deep trouble," Karen said. "They obviously got in over their heads."

"Edgar says Sirius has been out of control for ages," Jane said. "He's hoping he gets back to school soon, though, or it'll put James off his game for the next match."

"Oh yeah." Lily rolled her eyes. "That's what we're all worrying about - the next Quidditch match."

Karen huffed and crossed her arms. "Well, there's no sense in letting Sirius' bad behaviour ruin our chances at the cup, is there?"

Lily ignored her. "I've never seen James so upset," she said. "It's almost like he doesn't know how to react, and that's really scary. He always knows exactly what to do. I'm worried about him."

Karen looked across at Jane and smirked. "How many times has she said that this week?"

"At least a dozen."

"What are you on about?" Suspicious, Lily glanced between her friends.

"It's just that all week," Karen explained, "you've been going 'Poor James,' 'James looks so upset,' I bet James is lonely without Sirius,' 'Poor poor James.' You're more worried about James than Sirius, and Sirius is the one in trouble."

"Whatever."

"I think you're starting to fancy him," Karen added. She smirked and settled back against the red cushions.

Lily gaped with indignation. "I...I am not! Jane, tell her I don't fancy him."

"I agree with Karen."

"Oh, please." Lily made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. "If I fancied James, then why would I turn him down when he asked for a date just last week."

"Because you're stubborn."

"It's not like you changed your mind overnight," Jane told her. "It started that night a while back when you fed him dinner. I think you two bonded while you were rubbing mashed potatoes into his hair. It was really cute."

Lily slouched down in her seat, scowling. "We can be friends without fancying each other," she insisted.

"Lily." Karen rapped her knuckles on Lily's head. "We're talking about James Potter here. The boy who has been in love with you for like, forever. It's impossible for you to be just friends."

"Look. Regardless of how James feels about me, I'm just friends with him. And I've told him that. I can't go around being mean to him just to prove to other people that I don't fancy him."

"But you don't have to talk about him constantly either," Jane said.

Lily's brow raised in astonishment. "You're one to talk! You never shut up about Edgar."

"True. But I also admit to fancying him." Jane grinned and batted her eyes.

Groaning, Lily covered her face with her hands and sank even lower into the sofa cushions. "Can we just have a new subject? I'm not discussing this anymore."

"Yes you are," Jane said, smiling. "But we could go upstairs and break out that Honeydukes' chocolate while we torture you."

"Ooh yeah!" Karen half jumped out of her seat. "I've still got some of that Strawberry Swirl."

"And Margie's in detention," Lily added, "so we'll have the dorm to ourselves."

"Honeydukes' Finest Strawberry Swirl Chocolate, empty dorm, gossip about Lily's love life. Not to mention there's a Celestina concert on the wireless. What are we still doing down here?" Jane asked.

With a flurry of skirts and giggling, and the sound of six feet dancing up the stairway, the girls disappeared.

After a while, as the crowds of students in the common room thinned out, James and Remus trailed in, rather later than students usually ought, and took their favourite spots on the red sofa. Remus lowered himself gingerly into the cushions and closed his eyes, releasing a tense breath.

"Are you sure you're ready to be back?" James asked.

"Yes. That was just a lot of flights of stairs to get here."

James felt sick to his stomach watching Remus in such pain. "Look, Moony. I'm really sorry for hurting you like I did. It was an accident."

"I know. You've told me about a hundred times. And it's still fine." He rubbed his eyes and leaned his head back onto a cushion. "I'd rather have to let Pomfrey realign my intestines than have to share the Shrieking Shack with Snape every month."

"I wish I could have kept him from seeing you, but he didn't get out of the tunnel until you were almost to the Whomping Willow. I barely even had time to transform." James had been more scared than he ever planned to admit.

"Please just drop it, Prongs. I know it wasn't your fault."

With his thumb, James traced an invisible circle over and over again on the gold cushion in his lap, sneaking short glances at Remus who still had his eyes closed. He couldn't handle the silence. "Snape's been making a pain of himself all week," he said. "I can hardly stand him. Not that I could stand him to begin with, mind you."

"He's going to tell," Remus said in a monotone voice. "I don't care what Dumbledore made him say. One of these days he's going to tell. And there won't be any taking it back."

He was right, too. "You want me to hit him with a Memory Charm?"

"Do you know how to do a Memory Charm?" One of Remus' eyes opened at that.

"I can learn."

"James." The eye closed again. "You can't go around doing unauthorised Memory Charms. Especially not after what just happened. You'd probably be arrested."

"That's not a serious offence, though, is it? What's a visit to the MLE Young Offenders Institute if it keeps his mouth shut?" James thought it would be totally worth it.

"No. Just...no." Remus waved a hand at him blindly. "Leave it alone. It's not like I'd be able to keep it a secret forever, anyway. It's enough that I got to come to school. Most werewolves don't even get a chance to do that."

"Don't say that so loud!" They never used the "W-word" in public. "Are you trying to out yourself in the middle of the common room?"

"What does it matter? I'm a werewolf. They'll all know by the end of the week anyway."

"Shut up! You don't know they'll find out. Maybe Dumbledore put some kind of a Confidentiality Jinx on Snape."

Remus opened both eyes and looked at James, curious. "A Confidentiality Jinx?"

"Yeah. You know, where if he tells anybody his eyeballs will explode or something."

"Dumbledore isn't going to put a spell like that on a student."

"Well he should."

"But he wouldn't."

"Maybe not." James went back to tracing circles on the cushion and wondered if it would it be possible to put a Confidentiality Jinx on Snape himself?

"So has there been a verdict on Sirius yet?" Remus asked.

"No." James glanced at the portrait hole - still no news. "This is the last day of his suspension, though, and he and his parents are back at the castle right now for a meeting with Dumbledore. We won't know if he'll be allowed back until they're done. I've got Wormtail standing lookout by Dumbledore's office."

Remus nodded softly. "Have there been a lot of questions about Sirius?"

"You could say that. Even Lily asked me about him tonight. I was kind of rude to her though."

"You were rude to Lily?" Remus lifted his head in surprise. "You really have had a rough week."

"I've been kicking myself for it." James sighed and picked at the corner of the cushion in his lap. "I'll have to find a way to make it up to her."

"Lily's been rude to you enough times that she owes you one," Remus told him.

"I'm just glad she didn't ask me about where you'd been all week. I might have bitten her head off."

"Why?"

"It's just that Snape has been spreading this rumour around that Sirius killed someone," he said, "and since you've been gone, people keep suggesting that it was you that got killed. It was making me crazy. All of the questions from people who thought they were so sly to figure it out. Especially since I was that one that nearly did kill you."

"Lily wouldn't believe that," Remus said. "She only likes crazy theories if she makes them up herself."

"I know." James smiled a little at the thought. "One of these days I'll have to find out her theory on what happened to Sirius."

"I bet she thinks Snape bit him and made him a vampire."

"Probably." It was sure to be something equally as wacky and cute.

The solid bang of the portrait hole closing behind someone drew James' glance. Peter had just entered the room, followed closely by Sirius, who grinned broadly at the sight of his friends. Sirius dropped down, cross-legged, onto the bearskin rug, while Peter stood, warming himself close to the fire. Sirius had pulled his black hair forward, partially covering one of his eyes. Even so, the dark shadow of a bruise was still apparent above his cheekbone.

"Good news," Sirius said, grinning. "I'm not expelled. I'm off Hogsmeade weekends for life, but that's not really anything since I generally make my own Hogsmeade trips anyway. I can't wait to see the look on Snivellus' face when he sees me back at Hogwarts. He's going to go completely nuts."

Remus pushed himself up off the sofa with a grunt. "That's great Sirius. I'm glad for you. Good night James, Peter." He stalked off away from the sofa and up the staircase to the dorm.

"What's with him?" Sirius asked.

"Pete," James said. "Go upstairs with Remus, will you? Stay out of his way, but just be sure he doesn't go and do something stupid." James was worried that he might try to run away, or even hurt himself. "Let me know if anything happens."

Peter sighed and dragged himself towards the dormitories. Poor little guy got all of the rotten jobs.

"Hey," James called after him. "There's a box of those new Coconut Crèmes in my wardrobe if you want some." Smiling in appreciation, Peter disappeared up the staircase.

Once Peter had gone, Sirius climbed up onto the red sofa next to James. "Moony seems a little cranky, but he looks like he's okay. I was really worried after I saw you'd gored him with your antlers."

"Pomfrey kept him longer than usual, but she fixed him up alright. It was worse once he came around. He actually tried to quit school and go home. Dumbledore wouldn't let him."

"Why would he quit school? It all worked out alright."

"Sirius." James couldn't believe he actually had to explain this. "Snape knows about Moony. Snape! Remus was in a right state when he found out what you'd done."

Sirius adjusted his legs uncomfortably. "Snape won't tell, though," he insisted. "He promised Dumbledore." He snickered a softly and added, "It'll kill him not being able to tell anybody."

"It that all you can think about? Severus Snape?"

"It's just funny, alright? Is it a crime to try to lighten the mood?" Pushing his hair out of his face, Sirius looked back up at James; a massive black eye was blooming across the side of his face. "This last week wasn't exactly a holiday at Grimmauld Place, you know."

"Your dad give you that shiner?"

Sirius' eyes darkened. He nodded and looked away, into the fire. "He said I'm not allowed to go to your place over the holidays this year. He just wants me at home so he can knock me around some more. The bastard."

Speaking of Sirius' parents, James' mind was jolted by a question he'd been stressing over all week. "What did Dumbledore tell your parents?" James asked. "He didn't tell them about Remus, did he?"

"He just told them I led Snape into the Forbidden Forest where I knew a dangerous creature was going to be," he explained, "and that Snape almost got killed. I don't know why they got so fussed about it." Sirius stretched out his legs and nestled into the sofa cushions. "I mean, it would have been a public service if he had died, honestly."

James couldn't believe his ears. Was this really his best friend talking? "Can you even hear yourself?" he asked.

Sirius frowned. "Don't tell me you're feeling sorry for the git. Oh, boohoo. Poor Snivellus got scared! It served him right for always following us around and putting his overly large nose where it doesn't belong."

Something painful snapped deep in James' gut. He wanted to run. He wanted to slap his friend upside the head. He wanted to throw up. Worst of all, he could hear his own swaggering attitude coming back to him in Sirius' words. Not in this circumstance, no, but at other times, with other circumstances, he'd said the same sorts of things himself. Who ever defined where it was supposed to stop? And Sirius still didn't get it.

"You put everybody at risk that night," James said. "Not only is Remus' secret found out by Snape, who'll probably tell the whole school when we least expect it. But when I was trying to get Snape out of the tunnel, there was a point where I didn't think I would get him out in time." James scratched his fingers roughly into his scalp. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to make a spilt second decision between transforming into Prongs in front of Snape - which would mean a sure a trip to Azkaban when he told - or not transforming and becoming a Werewolf myself? How could you put your friends in a position like that?"

Picking at a small stain on the armrest, Sirius kept his eyes averted. "I didn't expect you'd be down there," he muttered.

"What did you expect?" James asked. "You knew Moony would try to bite him. That's what you'd planned on. Do you know how sick that is? Remus would never have survived knowing he'd bit someone."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow and looked up. "Even Snape? C'mon."

James took a slow, deep breath and pushed the gold cushion from his lap, onto the floor. He leaned his elbows onto his knees and pressed his fingers into his eyes, under his glasses, straining to think of a way - any way - to convey what he needed Sirius to understand. "Just a little over a week ago," James said, "I was trying to explain to Lily why I hate Snape so much. Do you know what I told her?"

"That he's an evil slime ball?" Sirius suggested.

James glared at him. "I said it was because Snape would think it was fun to hurt her. That since she's so different from him - her values, her background - that he doesn't value her life at all. She didn't believe me that anybody could be capable of that kind of blatant indifference. But you just proved her wrong, didn't you?"

Sitting up straight, Sirius looked at James, his eyes filled with a mixture of dawning indignation. "I'm not like Snape."

He wasn't, really, but tonight... "You can be so cool," James told him. "I mean...you're my best friend, Padfoot. But sometimes you can turn around and be so nasty. It's like I don't even know you."

"Are we on the same scroll, here?" His anger visibly rising, Sirius leaned towards James aggressively. "This is Snape we're talking about. Severus Slytherin-Scum Snape. What am I supposed to do?"

"Can't you just be the bigger man for once?"

Sirius stood abruptly. "I am the bigger man."

"Act like it, then," James shouted.

"What exactly do you want me to do, James?" Sirius stepped back towards the hearth and opened his arms wide. "You're so smart - go ahead and spell it out for me."

"I don't know. Have some compassion maybe? With this whole mess, you just..." James groaned and rubbed his scalp again. He was completely drained. Scanning Sirius' face, James shook his head. "All I can say is I'm really disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this." What else was there to say?

James pushed himself to his feet, released a deep breath, and crossed the room for the dormitories. He couldn't deal with Sirius any more that night.

The door slammed shut behind him, echoing across the empty common room, reverberating over Sirius' shocked face. He swore loudly after James and kicked the fire poker that was propped up against the hearth, sending it banging and clattering half way across the room.

Groaning, Sirius sank down onto the bearskin rug before the waning fire. He watched the flames grow even dimmer while he absently worked his fingers through the soft, matted fur beneath him and grumbled under his breath. Otherwise, he barely moved until a pair of white, fuzzy slippers appeared on the rug beside him.

"Sirius?"

He jerked his head up at Lily's voice and stared at her, in her long, striped pyjamas, until she spoke again.

"When did you get back?" she asked.

"Oh, um, just a little while ago." Sirius adjusted his legs and turned to face her fully, and Lily gave a small yelp of surprise.

"What happened to your face?" She crouched down beside him. "That looks really painful! You should go up to Madame Pomfrey."

He made an effort to hide the bruises behind his hair, but she wouldn't let him and pushed his hair back to get a better look.

"Did you get in a fist fight?"

"Sort of. It's no big deal though. It doesn't hurt."

"Yes it does." Lily sat back on her heels and eyed him carefully. "You're just too macho to admit it."

He smirked a little and shrugged. "What are you doing down here anyway? It's late."

"It's also Friday night. We're having a little party upstairs and I came down to look for a pack of cards that Jane thinks she dropped down here."

"They weren't Exploding Snap cards were they? People are always nicking those."

"No," she said. "These would have had photos of wizards on the backs."

"What kind of wizards?"

"Naked Quidditch players."

Sirius looked up in shock. Lily giggled. "I'm only joking," she said. "It is Quidditch players - the Silver Arrows, actually - but they're all fully robed. Jane borrowed the pack from Edgar and he'll be disappointed if she loses it."

"Hey, I don't care if you girls look at naughty pictures. I can get you some of James in the shower if you want." He winked at her with his good eye, but Lily had started squealing in horror.

"Eww! No!" She flapped her hands around her head and made a horrible face. "Don't say things like that! I don't want to see naked pictures of anybody!"

"If you say so. But you're the one who brought it up in the first place."

"I didn't ask you to spy on James in the shower." Lily shuddered again. "That's disgusting."

"You're right. He'd probably kill me, especially since he's already ticked off at me right now as it is."

"What's wrong with him, anyway?" Her eyebrows knit in concern. "He looked mad earlier today, too. I was trying to talk to him but he was acting all weird."

Sirius grunted and scooted over the bearskin rug to lean against the foot of the sofa. Leaning his head back on the cushion, he stretched out his legs and looked at her expectant face. "Let's just say that I did something unbelievably stupid, and leave it at that."

"Is it about why you were suspended?"

He nodded and stared into the fire while Lily sidled up next to him against the sofa.

"No offence or anything," Lily said, "but you do stupid stuff all the time, and James never gets mad at you. Why would he get mad at you now?"

"It was supposed to be funny," he said softly. "I wanted to cheer him up, but somehow it just backfired. Everybody got hurt and I've alienated all my friends and I don't know what to do. James just left here after giving me this big long lecture about how I need to grow up and be the bigger man for once and a bunch of junk like that."

"James said that?" Lily asked. Her eyes were wide with surprise.

"According to him I'm a depraved maniac who needs to show more compassion to evil bastards. He should try living with folks like mine for a while and see how much patience he has left." Sirius drew up his legs and wrapped his arms around his knees. "He said he was disappointed in me," he whispered. "I just don't know what to do."

"Have you apologised to him?"

"I don't know. Sort of." He shrugged and dug his fingers into the rug. "He should know it already."

"Sometimes people just need to hear a plain old 'I'm sorry.'"

Sirius didn't' look convinced. "But words don't change anything."

"Sure they do," Lily insisted. "You know how Margie and I don't really get along very well? Way back in third year, when we were still friends, she took something of mine and when I threw a fit, she snuck it back to my drawer when nobody was looking. If she would have just admitted that she was wrong and apologised, I would have eventually gotten over it. But she never did. She was too proud. And things just kept escalating between us to where we can barely be in the same room together. And it's all over a stupid hairbrush. Part of me wishes we could go back and start over."

"Why don't you just forgive her and get on with it?"

"I already have. But it's hard to undo three years' worth of bitterness. I don't know where to start."

"Maybe with an apology?" Sirius grinned mischievously.

It was Lily's turn to shrug. "It's not that easy," she said.

"Now you know how I feel."

"Well?" Lily sat up straight and forced a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "So what if it's hard? Are we Gryffindors, or what?"