Wizarding Betrothal

Chapter 19: Sticky Words

Lily reclined on her stomach in the grass along the beach and flipped through the pages of a fashion magazine. The sun heated her bare legs and she kicked them in the air behind her. A child raced past to join his friends in a noisy ball game nearby, but Lily wasn't paying them much attention. She was too busy thinking about a certain black haired Quidditch player. She was hoping he'd stop by to see her the next afternoon when he got back from Ethiopia.

It had been four and one half months since Lily had seen James. Way too long by her standards. Probably not long enough by his. James was great at keeping up his little act: writing letters every week like clockwork, filling the pages with funny stories and Quidditch updates. But letters always seemed so impersonal, and he'd only been to see her at school that one time. Sure, his Quidditch schedule was gruelling, but he could have made time if he wanted to. Couldn't he?

Lily had decided that, the next time she saw him, she would tell him to give it up already. She'd put a great deal of thought into the matter, and finally had him all figured out. According to James, and corroborated by Lily's parents, James' dad was the one who had thought up the whole betrothal contract. Since Mr. Potter got killed, James obviously wanted to honour his father's memory by going through with the marriage. It made perfect sense. Lily just had to convince him that marriage to a girl he couldn't bring himself to love was not what his father would have wanted. It wasn't what Lily wanted either. As much as she wanted James, she would much rather see him happy without her, than miserable with her. Lily would talk some sense into him...even if it broke her heart.

She turned a page in her magazine. A model's smiling face filled the page. The girl's skin was so clear and smooth it was sickening. Not a freckle in sight. Lily glanced down at her own freckly arm. Life wasn't fair. Not at all. She tried to imagine herself with perfect skin, smiling, showing off her creamy shoulders. As long as she was imagining a hopeless fantasy, she gave herself a fuller figure, like the girl in the photograph, and made her hair darker, and wildly windswept. She was lying on a beach with soft, white sand, maybe wearing a slinky green bikini instead of cut-off jeans. Boys were walking past, smiling down at her...handsome boys too - grown-up and filled-out manly sorts of boys. Some girls stood nearby, scowling and jealous of Lily's gorgeous skin. She flipped another page in the magazine, basking in the glory of natural perfection. A shadow fell over the page, and she looked up with intense, seductive eyes. James stood before her, his Quidditch robes billowing over the water behind him. The look in his eyes, the stance of his feet, the way he held his jaw, everything about him spoke one clear message: he wanted her, and he would accept no excuses, no substitutions - just Lily Evans, without delay. He opened his mouth to speak..."

"Hey, Lily"

"James?" Swinging her head around, Lily saw James Potter himself standing a little ways behind her, hands hooked on his pockets. "James," she repeated. "Hi!" Feeling ridiculous, Lily stood up and brushed grass from her clothes. The freckles were back in full force.

"You surprised me," she said. Walking towards him, Lily noticed that she was grinning wildly...she couldn't help it. "It's a good surprise, though. It's good to see you!" She reached up to give him a big hug. "How did you find me out here?" James didn't answer though. He just latched onto her, his arms about her waist, and squeezed her tight. He wasn't speaking or smiling or anything; in fact, he was barely even breathing. "Is something wrong James?"

"Yes," he whispered, "it's been too long since I've seen you." He pressed his face into her neck and started rubbing his hand down her back. What was wrong with him anyway?

Lily retreated, and James let her go. With a few safe steps between them, Lily tucked an unruly lock of hair behind her ear and tried again for some conversation. "Did my mum tell you I was down here?"

"Yeah. She wants me to come for supper."

"I think we're having Lasagne." What a brilliant response. Her brain had to lock up at the worst times.

"I'd like that."

Why was he staring at her? It was sort of unnerving. "So, um, you must be back early." Lily picked some dirt out of her tank top, avoiding James' eyes. "I didn't really expect you until tomorrow or later."

"So you're surprised?"

She glanced up. "A little." Hadn't she just said that? He wasn't listening at all. Nice.

"I made pretty good time getting back to England," he said.

"That's good." Lily couldn't take it anymore. She had to move. "Do you want to take a walk?"

"Sure."

A nice walk on the beach was perfect. It would be harder for James to look at her like that. "Take off your shoes then," she told him.

"My shoes?" He was so adorable when he was confused.

"You can't walk on the beach with shoes on."

"Why can't I wear shoes?"

"I don't know." Wizards simply didn't get it sometimes. "It's just against the rules."

"Maybe I don't like following the rules." He crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at her with a smug grin. "I think I'll leave my shoes on, thank you very much."

"Fine. Whatever." What a goof-ball. Just wait until his shoes were full of sand and water...then he'd sing a different tune. Lily strode off toward the water's edge, carefully crossing the gravely ground and making her way to the softer sand. Cooling her feet in the water, she moseyed along the beach, ankle deep in the lapping waves. Lily tried not to laugh as she watched James attempt to walk as closely to the water as possible, without actually getting wet. His shoes were already caked with sandy muck. Lily kicked at the water, happy to demonstrate an advantage of going barefoot.

Walking always cleared Lily's mind - it made her jumbled up thoughts feel less crowded and stressful. Walking did not, however, seem to prevent James from gaping at her legs. Yes, they were shockingly bony and freckled, but there was no need to stare. She made a mental note to avoid wearing shorts for the rest of the summer.

A little Quidditch talk would distract him. "I got to listen to your game on the wireless receiver you gave me."

"Did you?" He finally looked away.

"Yeah. It was cool. I'd never listened to Quidditch on the radio before."

"It's not as good as watching in person."

"No, it's not," she said. It was hard to follow. "Sounded like you did a good job though."

James snorted. "The commentator was biased then, because we were horrible."

"Really?"

"We lost spectacularly."

"I knew you lost." She'd figured that much out. "But you can always do better next game." Lily slowed her pace when she saw James' feet sink in a patch of extra soft mud. He worked his shoes free and moved to firmer ground while Lily swirled her toes in the cool water. James really would have an easier time if he just pulled his shoes off. He was acting stubborn, and it wasn't bothering anybody but himself.

"When do you play again?" she asked.

James looked up from his ruined shoes. "Not until next season."

"Next season?"

"The International League playoffs are going right now," he explained. "The Giant-Slayers took us out of the running, so we're done until the autumn."

So that explained why the announcer made such a big deal about the loss. Duh. "I'm sorry James."

"Oh, don't worry. The signs were all over the tea leaves. None of us were surprised."

Maybe not surprised, but he still didn't look terribly happy about it. Lily continued along the lapping waves, walking parallel with James. "Didn't you win last year?" she asked.

"We did. But we didn't have the same team this year. After we won the cup, the Cannons' club ended up with new managers. They didn't know the first thing about the game."

She looked over at him with wide eyes. "There are really wizards who don't know about Quidditch?"

James laughed and looked sideways at her. Finally. There was that eye-twinkle of his that she'd been missing. Lily definitely wanted to see more of that.

"I suppose it's a matter of opinion," he said.

"So, what did they do?"

James ruffled his hair and looked ahead, scowling. "They traded some of our best fliers to different teams. Then they filled the spots with guys who are the kids of their ministry buddies. Most of them were horrible."

"Were?"

"About half way through the season, they began to panic. They started to recruit new people and put a decent team together. It's impossible to do that in the middle of the season though, let alone make a proper comeback."

They couldn't have been all that horrible. "How did you get into the playoffs then?"

He shrugged. "We did alright at home, but not nearly good enough to make it internationally."

Lily kicked at the water again, sending it flying in James' direction; she would have nailed him if he didn't jump out of the way. Regardless, she did manage to get another eye-twinkle out of him, and that was enough. "So, what is your team going to do for the rest of the summer?" she asked.

"We have to train a little, but not much until autumn." James was watching her legs carefully...probably expecting another splash. "It's kind of good," he added, "since I have a lot of plans this summer."

"Really?" So he'd be too busy to see her much during the summer, too. It figured. Lily bent to skim the water with her fingers, so that James wouldn't notice her insistent frown. "What else do you do besides Quidditch?"

James surprised her at that moment by slogging right through the water, muddy shoes and all. Poor guy - she couldn't stop laughing at him and his soaked trouser legs. He sidled up to her, his eyes twinkling, and grabbed her around the hips.

"This summer," he said, "I plan on spending a lot of time with my best girl."

"Oh?" As chilly as the water was, Lily felt her skin get unnaturally hot. He was kneading her waist with his thumbs, and butterflies were racing over her body. What exactly did he mean by 'best girl'? "And who would that be?" she asked.

His lips quirked a small grin as he leaned against her, examining her face at close range. He didn't answer...he just leaned closer and closer, holding her tightly around the hips. Rapid pressure built in Lily's stomach and she fought her trembling limbs. Somewhere inside, her rising blood pressure triggered a panic whistle. Lily had to move.

Backing up, she forced herself free of his hands and left the water. A pebble dug into her foot and she flinched, but didn't stop. Lily caught her breath, turning to look at James - he was till standing ankle deep in the water, watching her while her heart raced. That had been a close call. Convincing him to stop pursuing her and to find somebody he liked better would be a lot more difficult if he'd just kissed her.

Lily didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he just couldn't do things like that. Did he think that he could avoid her for months and then jump ahead several steps in their relationship as soon as he saw her again? He was trying too hard. Way too hard.

She beckoned for him to follow her up the slope. They needed to find someplace better to talk. Beaches were far too romantic when it came to redirecting boys' attentions.

James wasn't following her, though. He was staring at her again, with that out-of-it look on his face, but he wasn't following. Heading back towards him, Lily grabbed James by the hand and dragged him out of the water. It wouldn't do to wait any longer. She'd been practising the speech in her head for days. Better to get it over with.

Mentally scanning her list of options, Lily decided to head home. There was nothing remotely romantic about being in the same house as her mother.

Lily retrieved her sandals from the grass, and helped James find a spot behind the fish market where he could use his wand to dry out his shoes. They were still ruined, but at least they didn't squish anymore.

James didn't seem the least bit put off that Lily had run away from his embrace. As they walked, he chatted away about a bizarre wizard he'd met during the first playoff round in Ethiopia, and then about the new racing broom unveiling that he was supposed to attend the next day. He was doing a bang up job of relieving Lily's obvious tension.

About half way home, however, James took hold of Lily's hand; he laced his fingers with hers so neatly, and his thumb gently rubbed her skin. He didn't pause at all in the story he was telling - just continued talking like he had no idea in the world that he was inciting a riot between Lily's brain and her hormones. So much for relaxing.

"Sirius won't use his own flat for parties," James was explaining. "He's worried about bothering Mrs. Madison, this 190 year old witch that lives above him. He always complains about how cranky she is, and that she'd curse his brains out if he made too much noise, but he's just making excuses." James opened the back gate for Lily, and they slipped into the garden, hand in hand. "I happen to know," he continued, "that he's crazy about her. Her wandwork is getting kind of shaky, and Sirius is always going upstairs to help her with stuff like rearranging furniture. Afterwards, she feeds him cake and gives him advice. He loves it."

"That's so sweet."

James laughed. "Quite. Sirius thinks I don't know about that, though. You might not want to mention it."

"I won't."

He gave her hand a firm squeeze and slowed his stride, slowing Lily down as well. "So, anyway, the point of that whole story was that Sirius threw another party at my house last week. If he does it again I'll have to kill him."

"You said that last time he had a party there."

"Did I?" He looked pensive for a moment. "I'll have to stop being so nice." As if he could stop that.

"You know Sirius is worth the trouble," Lily said. "You wouldn't know what to do without him around."

"Sure I would. I'd enjoy privacy and a peaceful house."

"And you'd be bored out of your head."

"Nah." James stopped walking and pulled Lily in front of him on the lawn. "I've got my Lily to keep me entertained," he said.

"Oh, whatever." Lily rolled her eyes, smiling.

"I do. And I've got you all summer, too."

About that...he should be pleased to hear that she was about to free up his time. How was she going to start again? She'd rehearsed to her mirror several times. Oh, yes... James, I know you aren't in love with me, so I really can't see any wisdom in continuing like this...

"I get to see you every day," he told her. "I get to hear your cute little giggle." James smiled and caressed her bare shoulder, watching his fingers trace her skin.

...Before you say anything, let me tell you that I understand what's going on...

"I really missed you, Lily. I'm sorry I couldn't get up to the castle to see you more than once. Hogwarts has really strict rules about non-family visitors." Taking a stray lock of her hair in his fingers, he tucked it behind her ear and stroked her neck, sending hot, numbing sparks into her brain. "Plus we had double practices all season. It made me crazy."

...I know it was your dad who arranged our betrothal, and it's really noble that you want to honour his memory by following his wishes...

"Did you realise that we've known each other for almost a whole year?" James said. "It'll be a year in just a couple of weeks. It seems like you've been a part of me for so much longer than that." He lifted her hand and kissed her palm, lighting fires all over her body.

...But surely you must realise that your father wouldn't have wanted you to saddle yourself with marriage to a girl you can't bring yourself to love...

"Lily, I was wondering if you might be free this coming Friday. My friends want to get together for my birthday, and I was hoping you'd like to come. I mean, you don't have to, but I'd really like it." He brought a hand to her waist and looked her in the eye.

...This isn't fair to you, James. It's time for you to move on...

"Will you come, Lily?"

She nodded wordlessly, and he hugged her close. The words stuck in her throat - they were just too hard to say.

...James, go find someone you can love.