The Wizard of Odd

Harry Potter awoke with a jolt when a terrible shudder ran through the walls of the Dursley house on Privet Drive. He pushed his glasses hastily on his face and looked out the window. The sky was dark grey; it was the passing of the worst storm ever to hit England. Power lines were down, and roof shingles were blown everywhere. Harry walked quickly down the stairs to the kitchen. Everything was in shambles.

Petunia, Vernon, and Dudley were no where to be found. Petunia's spotless kitchen was turned upside down, the floors full of broken glass. Jars were overturned, and the kitchen table was thrown recklessly to its side. The chairs were broken. The place looked as if it had been broken into. The ceiling fan was hanging by a few cords, and the lights were off. Harry tried a light switch--dead.

Harry stepped over the wreckage and went into the living room. It also was a mess. All the pictures of Dudley and the Dursleys had fallen off the shelves and hearth, and the furniture was overturned and broken. Harry dodged around the mess.

"Aunt Petunia?" he called out, never once thinking she may be mad for his yelling. "Dudley? Uncle Vernon? Where are you?" There was no answer.

Harry walked into the foyer and opened the front door. What he saw was nothing like what he had seen from his bedroom window, and was above and beyond any spectacle he had ever seen.

A world, bright and vivid with outstanding color was what awaited Harry outside the door. Harry took a cautious step outdoors, sensing the presence of some kind of magic. The world was full of light and bright, neon colors, and it wasn't even Privet Drive. He was... somewhere else.

A small hoot caught Harry's attention, and he recognized Hedwig perched on a tree branch near him. She alighted on Harry's shoulder and nudged him with her wing. Harry patted her comfortingly, not sure of himself.

"Hedwig.... I don't think we're in England anymore," he said quietly.

Suddenly, in the distance, Harry saw a bright red light coming faster and faster toward him. He could not move for surprise as a giant red bubble came closer and closer to him. It landed a few feet away, and the bubble faded, leaving Harry to look at a very strange looking person.

She was a bit shorter than Harry, and had long, poofy brown hair. She smiled at Harry, flashing perfectly white teeth. Her dress was a dull red and had a very large skirt. Harry then recognized his guest. It was Hermione.

"Hermione..." he breathed.

The air became sharp with small giggles from the very land, and Hermione smiled again. "No, I'm not Hermione... tell me, are you a good wizard or a bad wizard?"

Harry was a bit shocked at the question. "Good! Good, I'm a good wizard, you know that, Hermione."

Laughter filled the air again, and Harry looked quickly about to see where it was coming from. "Hermione" smiled wider and came toward Harry, brandishing a large and very ornate wand that glittered silver light. "I only ask because the Hufflepuffs wish to know." She said with a smile.

"The Huff--what are the Hufflepuffs doing here?" Harry asked surprisingly.

"Oh, you!" she giggled, "this is Hufflepuff Land, and I am Granger, the Good Witch of the North." Granger turned away from Harry and motioned toward the trees and bushes. "It's all right now, you may come out, it is safe."

From out of the bushes came the Hufflepuffs, and Harry had to suppress a laugh. There were all the Hufflepuffs he knew from school...only three feet shorter and dressed in children's clothing. Justin Finch-Fletchley scampered out of a bush and ran to whisper to a very small Hannah Abbot.

"What the heck is going on, Hermio--er, Granger?" Harry asked slowly, almost afraid to ask.

Granger smiled good-naturedly. "The Hufflepuffs wish to express their gratitude at your disposal of the Wicked Wizard of the East."

Harry cocked an eyebrow. "My disposal...?" He looked around, and in looking back at his house, realized that the house had managed to fall on top of... somebody. The legs poked out from under the house, and on the feet of the corpse was a pair of brilliant ruby Quidditch boots. Harry was shocked.

"I--I... I didn't mean to kill anybody, I swear!"

"Oh, it's all right," Granger said earnestly, "Voldemort has enslaved the Hufflepuffs for a long time. You have liberated them."

Harry's eyes widened in disbelief. "I killed Voldemort?"

Granger smiled. "Oh yes, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is dead, and thanks to you, the world is safe from the likes of him forever!"

Just then, a brilliant green light filled the sky, and a loud yell filled the air. The Hufflepuffs ran for cover as Draco Malfoy, on his new broomstick, landed right in front of Harry's house.

"Who has killed my Lord?" he shrieked, looking at Granger with wild, livid eyes. "Who has killed Voldemort? Was it you?"

Granger tittered at the question. "Oh, no, it wasn't me. Our new friend here disposed of your master, and we are very grateful!"

The Hufflepuffs nodded eagerly, from behind their hiding places.

Draco turned to Harry, and Harry took a cautious step backwards. Draco slunk forward, his angry, grey eyes never leaving Harry's face. Shooting pure fury at Harry, he shouted, "This ugly little git killed the greatest Wizard of all time? I don't believe you, Granger!"

"Hey!" Harry said, a little miffed. "I'm not ugly, Draco... why don't you check a mirror sometime?"

Draco cocked an eyebrow at him. "Who the hell is 'Draco?' I am Malfoy, the Wicked Wizard of the West, and I'll thank you to remember that! Now, just let me get my master's ruby Quidditch boots, and I'll take care of you soon enough!"

Malfoy stormed away, over to the side of Harry's house. Leaning over the corpse of Voldemort, he bent to pull the ruby Quidditch boots from off the corpse's feet. Just then, the boots disappeared, and the legs curled in on themselves, dragging the bootless stumps under the house, out of his reach.

Malfoy shrieked in anger again. He marched over to Granger, shaking a fist at her. "Where are they? Where are my Lord's ruby Quidditch boots?!"

Granger laughed wholeheartedly again, as if this were a most excellent jest. "Why, here they are, Malfoy!" she proclaimed, waving her giant wand over Harry's legs. And there they were. Harry looked down to see that he was wearing the Quidditch boots, and he turned his legs, examining the bright red sparkle below. "There they are, and there they shall stay!" Granger said proudly.

Malfoy snarled, and reached down to yank the boots away by force. Instead, he was greeted with an electric shock that knocked him on his rear. The Hufflepuffs, emboldened by the performance, laughed at the spectacle.

"Whoa!" Harry exclaimed, marveling at the power of the ruby Quidditch boots.

Malfoy stood up, glowering at Harry and Granger. "You give me back those boots, boy, or I'll curse you out of them!"

Granger grasped Harry by the shoulders and muttered in his ear, "You hold tight, and never take off those boots. Malfoy can't take them by force or curse, for the magic of those boots is very powerful, and has been entrusted to you. Never give them up, or who knows what will happen!"

Malfoy folded his arms across his chest and sniffed disdainfully. "Fine," he said, mounting his broom, "I'll bide my time! I'll get those boots, even if it's the last thing I do!" He pointed a long finger in Harry's face. "I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!" And with that, Malfoy sped off, over the trees and out of sight.

Harry thought a moment. "Hey, I don't even own a dog," he said thoughtfully.

Granger clapped her hands in joy, and the Hufflepuffs came out of hiding. "Oh, good show, Harry! Well done! You are to be commended for your bravery! From now on, you're a hero of the Hufflepuffs!"

Justin Finch-Fletchly came out from behind Granger, brandishing a gigantic lollipop in his tiny hands.

"Weeeeeee..... represent," he began, doing a shuffling sort of dance, but was quickly interrupted by Granger.

"No, no, none of that," she said irritably, shoving Justin back behind her hastily.

"This is all well and good," Harry said, looking around, "but I have to get back to England! How can I get back there? My house is destroyed and everything!"

Granger smiled at him. "It's easy, Harry! Do you have your broom on you?"

Harry looked to the dust, kicking the ground with the ruby Quidditch boots. "No..." he said sullenly.

Granger stopped smiling, and looked at Harry very seriously. "Well then, I'm not sure how you can get back to England. But, I know someone who can help. Go see the Wizard!"

"You mean Malfoy?" Harry asked, surprised. "He was just here!"

"No, no, no! I mean the Wizard, the greatest wizard of all, Albus Dumbledore, the Wizard of Hogwarts City, surely he will help you!"

"Oh. Well, where is Hogwarts City? How do I get there?"

Granger smiled, and motioned to the ground with her giant wand. "Follow the Yellow Brick road," she said serenely. Harry looked down, and saw the road curling and weaving away in many directions toward the horizon.

"How come I never saw that before? And it's not even yellow; it's cobblestone! And why is it not in a straight line? Isn't a straight line faster than all these twists and turns? It's..."

"Just follow the road, kid! I've had a hard day," Granger said irritably, her voice losing all previous lilt.

"Oh. Okay," Harry said, quickly jumping onto the path. With Hedwig flying behind him, he followed the not-so-yellow-brick road (including all the twists and pointless turns) out of Hufflepuff Land as fast as he could walk.