Discussions from the Dinner Table

The time: 6:17 PM

The place: Black family residence

The people: Diana, Monica, Aries, Kevin

The dinner: Unknown meat-like substance

ARIES: My masterpiece is complete!

DIANA: What is it?

ARIES: If I tell you, you'll never try it.

KEVIN: Where is Sirius?

ARIES: He won't be joining us.

(MONICA walks in)

ARIES: Good evening, Monica.

MONICA: You need to end this horrible feud with Sirius.

ARIES: Oh, Monica, I don't want to hurt Sirius anymore than he wants to hurt me. I just want him to suffer in an unimagineable way. It's twisted, I know.

MONICA: We know you're grieving, but you should try to move on.

ARIES: You try moving on without your sea-monkey.

MONICA: Well, stop trying to kill Sirius.

ARIES: Tell me Monica, would you ever tell me "If you loved your family, you'd stop?"

MONICA: Not in a million years.

KEVIN: That's my girl!

MONICA: Are people safe around you, Aries?

ARIES: As long as they respect my sea monkies.

(SIRIUS finally walks in)

ARIES: MURDERER!!!!!!!

KEVIN: Says the boy who cooked this...

SIRIUS: I surrender, Aries, I know I'm not smarter than you.

ARIES: How did you manage to kill Ralph then? I had him under maximum security.

SIRIUS: Well, you had your disadvantages.

ARIES: Oh?

SIRIUS: You're insane. And you didn't close the water filter.

ARIES: You went in my room!

SIRIUS: It's OUR room, idiot!

MONICA: Aries, will you please calm down?

ARIES: WHY SHOULD I? RALPH IS GONE!

MONICA: Aries, someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. Just remember that.

SIRIUS: Yeah, me killing the brine shrimp has opened up new communication.

KEVIN: Screaming?

SIRIUS: Must you label it?

ARIES: You kill something so innocent, Sirius, and you're not upset?

SIRIUS: I have a positive attitude on my destructive habits.

DIANA: Well...that's good.

KEVIN: Aries, there are other sea monkies.

ARIES: I don't want a sea monkey.

MONICA: Goldfish?

ARIES: DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT BILLY BOB!

SIRIUS: Aries...you can have James.

ARIES: James? I can have James?

DIANA: James? As in Potter?

MONICA: You can't legally give away a human.

SIRIUS: Well, James is like the best pet ever. He just eats and sleeps. That's it.

ARIES: Ralph had personality.

SIRIUS: We're working on that for James.

DIANA: Sirius, you're giving your brother your 16 year old friend?

SIRIUS: The Humane Society won't take him.

DIANA: James has a life...a family, a home...

ARIES: JUST LIKE RALPH!

SIRIUS: Well, James' family isn't the Brady Bunch. His dad is a gay drag queen living in Vegas and his mom forgets who he is.

MONICA: Besides, James is over her more than Sirius.

KEVIN: Yeah, that is kinda annoying.

SIRIUS: So can we keep him?

DIANA: Please tell me you aren't serious...

SIRIUS: Actually I am.

KEVIN: For the hundredth time, we regret naming you that!

ARIES: Please Mom? I need a new pet. Ralph would've wanted this.

DIANA: Fine, fine, fine! Now leave me alone!

KEVIN: You're letting him have James Potter as a pet?

DIANA: Do I LOOK like I'm thinking clearly?

SIRIUS: Oh yeah, James only believes in eating true Irish breakfeasts.

KEVIN: Oh?

SIRIUS: Bailey's and Lucky Charms.

MONICA: He's not Irish.

SIRIUS: Don't tell him that.

ARIES: So I can have him?

SIRIUS: I guess....I'm gonna miss him.

ARIES: Yay! I have a James Potter!

MONICA: Just when it can't get any weirder...