Discussions from the Dinner Table

The time: 7:04 pm

The place: Black Family Residence

The people: Diana, Kevin, Aries, Sirius, Monica, James

The dinner: Shrimp

SIRIUS: Yo, Mom, Jimmy's staying for dinner tonight.

KEVIN: Oh God....

JAMES: Yeah, my mom is screaming we missed the family reunion.

DIANA: Family reunion?

JAMES: Well, the Alcatraz outpatient convention.

ARIES: We got the same family reunions!

DIANA: James, you practically live here anyways. Stay for the night.

JAMES: Thanks.

SIRIUS: By the way, I think the Snapes will kill me.

KEVIN: What else is new?

ARIES: What's for dinner?

SIRIUS: I'm hurt. I could be dying here.

DIANA: Shrimp.

SIRIUS: I feel ignored.

MONICA: Good, you have been listening.

SIRIUS: Does no one care for my safety?

JAMES: You guys are like "The Brady Bunch" on crack.

ARIES: Says the boy from Alcatraz...

SIRIUS: HELLO? REMEMBER ME?

ARIES: Not really.

MONICA: Who are you?

KEVIN: The one on death row on this house.

DIANA: Why?

SIRIUS: Was it because of the easter baskets?

KEVIN: I don't even want to know what that was....

ARIES: Hey! I made up a song!

MONICA: Oh God...

ARIES: A B C D E F G, gummy bears are chasing me, one is red and the other is blue, the yellow one just ate my shoe!

JAMES: That was deep, dude.

ARIES: I dream of gummy bears at night.

MONICA: You can stop there.

SIRIUS: Aries, I have a confession.

ARIES: Yes?

SIRIUS: I killed your sea monkey.

ARIES: You bastard....I hate you....you killed Ralph?

JAMES: You named a sea monkey Ralph?

MONICA: Why do you only have one sea monkey anyway?

ARIES: I sentenced the rest to death. They were not worthy of living with Ralph.

KEVIN: Di, this kid has some serious problems.

DIANA: You mass murdered an entire tank of sea monkies?

ARIES: Yes.

KEVIN: We paid $10 for 200 of those sea monkies and you kill all but one?

ARIES: Think of it this way: Sea monkey tank, $5, sea monkies $10, Windex for poisoning sea monkies, $3, seeing one survive: priceless.

KEVIN: I wasted $18 on one sea monkey?

ARIES: He was not "one sea monkey", he was special.

MONICA: Aries, you need a shrink.

ARIES: WHY KILL HIM SIRIUS, WHY?

SIRIUS: I felt Ralph needed to be put out of his misery.

ARIES: Misery?

SIRIUS: He lived in your clean, neat-freak, obcessive-compulsive room. So, I introduced Kool-Aid to the water supply.

JAMES: You two really need a hobby. One names a sea monkey Ralph, the one murders the sea monkey.

ARIES: Can we please have a moment of silence for Ralph?

(moment of silence)

SIRIUS: Moment's over.

ARIES: Shut up, Sirius. (almost crying) Ralph, you cannot be here tonight. But you have been the pet ever. Even better than Billy Bob, the goldfish. I will not forget you Ralph. I dedicate my dinner to you.

JAMES: You're eating shrimp.

ARIES: I NEED TO BE ALONE!

(Aries leaves)

JAMES: Uh...we're not eating Ralph, right?

DIANA: Sirius got the dinner, I just cooked it. There are no guarentees.

MONICA: I suddenly feel like Hannibal Lectar.

KEVIN: No, that's tommorrow night.

JAMES: Tommorrow night?

KEVIN: Aries is cooking dinner and Sirius is pretty much dead.